(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from Zombies 2)
Doug (vo): Well, can't do one without the other. It's Zombies 2, and where the first one was actually a little bit of a surprise, not really anything great, but it had some good laughs and some fun song sequences, this one is basically what I thought the first one was going to be. I guess I can't get too mad. I mean, what? It's Zombies: the Musical 2 on the Disney Channel. Should I really have expected that much? Well, after the first one, maybe. I mean, you actually kind of delivered on the first film in its own strange way, and this weirdly is a little bit insulting...says the grown man, arguing about Zombies: the Musical 2-- oh, let's just get to it.
Story[edit | edit source]
Doug (vo): While zombies are being more and more accepted in school, except when they're...not...yeah, it randomly decides they're outcasts when the plot demands it...we're suddenly shown that werewolves exist. (Beat) Huh. Forgot to bring that up in the last film. The zombie, we're talking about zombies. Oh, by the way, these werewolves, but, you know, th-they don't really matter right now...you know what? It's something new. And I like werewolves, I want to see what they do with this. But does it matter? Because you know what they're gonna do with it. They're gonna do the exact same thing they did with the zombies. Everybody has a prejudice against the werewolves. So the werewolves, of course, have a prejudice against everyone. However, their moonstone necklaces that keep them alive that gets its power source from one main moonstone...yeah, this is surprisingly kind of a complicated plot...is possibly about to be destroyed, and so, they have to find the prophesied, I think, alpha wolf who's gonna make everything right. And, well, seeing how they have white hair and one of the main characters has white hair, can you guess who it's gonna be? Even though she was born with white hair and is wondering in the first film why she has it, she never puts together maybe she's a werewolf, even though all of them clearly have white hair. So the wolves try to work their way into the high school, they're accepted at first, though, of course, they're seen as monsters, but that's okay, the zombies are kind of fighting for them, even though they kind of see them as monsters, too. But one of them's running for president, so he needs student votes, and the werewolves count, even though he was just pointing at them, screaming and running away.
Review[edit | edit source]
Doug (vo): If this was the first film, it'd be really funny, but, no. It's trying to teach you something, and it's doing a pretty bad job at it. Though there is a legit surprise with the connection the main character has with the werewolves, it doesn't really matter. And I say that because nobody in this movie acts like anything really matters. This feels like a sequel that's coming off of a surprise hit, a film the studio hoped would do well, but then did incredibly well, so they rushed out the second one as fast as they could, meaning the characters, acting, story, and even the song sequences just don't have any reason for existing. And everybody kind of gives off that attitude.
(Footage focusing on the scene about to be described is shown)
Doug (vo): Look at this scene, for example, at the prom. Listen to this dialogue. Hear how they're saying it. Tell me if this sounds like a movie people are passionate about, or a satire of this kind of movie that you would see a character from Gravity Falls watching.
(The aforementioned scene is shown along with a scene from Gravity Falls of Grunkle Stan watching something on TV, looking completely bored)
Zed: I had no right to take your necklace and stop you from becoming a werewolf.
Addison: I thought everything would make sense if I was a werewolf, but I'm not. And I don't even know if I'm a cheerleader.
Zed: You're a leader, Addison.
Grunkle Stan: Kids, I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!
(Several clips focusing on the musical sequences are shown)
Doug (vo; laughs): Yeah, it's that kind of flick. Even the lead-ins to the songs rarely make sense. And I know. It's not like the first film was this Les Mis-type musical where the songs really tied into the storytelling, but they worked in the context of what it was. In this one, when the idea of Addison being a werewolf is finally introduced to her, you'd think the song will be kind of like this revelation, something slow, something big, something powerful. But, no, it's a fun, little dance routine. It doesn't match at all.
(The "Call of the Wild" musical sequence is shown)
Addison: (singing in a rap-style) I see a real community. Unique, but you have unity. You know who you're supposed to be.
Doug (vo): There's another scene where the wolves are breaking in to try and get the moonstone, and they're stopped by security, and then suddenly, they start singing and dancing. (Laughs) This doesn't match! Even the big finish is so anticlimactic and so little happens in it, that they basically have no segue into the song. It just kind of cuts to it.
Girl: Bonzo's got an ear for languages.
(As the group has a laugh, the film instantly cuts to the "One for All" musical sequence)
Addison: (singing) We are different, baby...
Doug (vo): There's one moment where Addison turns to the camera and says something to the audience. I actually had to remind myself they did that in this movie. There was so not a clear tone. There's another scene where we find out Zed sabotages Addison, like he's taking control of her life, he's doing something terrible, but then he just goes into this rap battle like it's nothing, and he kind of seems like a douche, and not like a "Oh, he just doesn't get it" kind of douche, like a legit douche! There's no remorse in this scene! Maybe if he looked a little bad, like, "Yeah, he's trying to do this debate, but his mind is on something else", but, no! He's just an a-hole! Though, granted, I can't take this far more seriously than other debates I've seen. (An image of Donald Trump and Joe Biden's presidential debate is shown) All the characters are cut-outs, which...okay, that's kind of what they were in the first film, but they were having fun with it. They were consistent cut-outs, and they had a few funny lines here and there. This one, their motivations flip-flop depending on what song is coming up next, and even then, they don't always match.
Final thought[edit | edit source]
Doug (vo): So, okay, you must think I really, really don't like this movie, and...yeah, I don't. But I will say, I've seen a lot worse. I think about movies like Maleficent 2 and Society of Second-Borns and a bunch of other crap that take itself way too seriously, and to this film's credit, it really doesn't take itself seriously. It knows it's mindless fluff, which is fine. The first one knew that, too, it just had fun with it. This one's not any fun. I give credit they're not waving their finger at us as much as other Disney properties have lately, but they're not really replacing it with anything of much value either. It just feels rushed, unnecessary and rushed. Every moment it exists, you know why it was made: to make money. And, yeah, a lot of Disney films are like that, but if they're good, they can trick us, and they can really suck us in and give us something really fun. This one doesn't do that, at least for me. Again, I guess it seems kind of silly to get angry that Zombies: the Musical 2 wasn't that good. I guess I just get a little ticked off when something legit surprises me, like, doesn't blow me away, just surprises me when I thought it was gonna be awful, and then the follow-up gives me the awful the first one was promising. I know it's not gonna be a big shock, but Zombies 2, you can probably skip.
(The final moments of the "One for All" musical sequence are shown)