February 17, 2014
The next generation of heroes, followed by another generation, and another, and another, and another...
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. It's time to celebrate the first anniversary of the first text review I ever made! (beat) You know, the things that I did before the videos? (somewhat embarrassed) That none of you have ever read from back in 2007? (flatly takes out a party blowout and blows it)
(The cover of the first issue of "Youngblood" is shown)
Linkara (v/o): But hey, in honor of that, let's take a look at another issue of "Youngblood".
Linkara: (wipes his forehead) And whew! At least that opening storyline is over with. It introduced us to the characters and world of "Youngblood". And what a memorable world it is! With characters like... (stops in confusion) uh... Shaft! And, uh, um... (becomes confused) What was this comic about again?
(A montage of "Youngblood" comics is shown)
Linkara (v/o): Oh, yeah, about five issues too long. Yeah, as if you didn't know already, "Youngblood" sucks! A lot! How bad do you have to be that not even your books' own creator can be bothered to finish off the opening storyline? "Youngblood" bad! It really blows my mind. Image was started because several artists and creators felt like Marvel didn't respect their work, nor gave them proper compensation for their work, especially since they often claimed they were doing more writing on the books than the actual writers. So, what does Rob Liefeld do with "Youngblood"? Half the time, he doesn't actually script the things, and the other half, he doesn't draw them! The big conclusion to his arc was drawn by Chap Yaep, and it was a confusing mess on top of an already confused mess. If you include the issue 0 as the actual start of the series, the book had six issues spread out over twenty months!! Almost two years to release six comics! It's even more horrifyingly ironic that the storyline was also supposed to be paying tribute to Jack Kirby, a man who was legendary for his ability to finish multiple quality comic books on time when no one believed he could!
Linkara: Oh, but most certainly, things are gonna get better for the scheduling delays now, right? I mean, how much worse could they get? (laughs, then frowns) Issue 6 came out a year later.
Linkara (v/o): Now, to be fair, I'm basing this off of the cover months, which is more a sign of when they should be taken off the newsstand, but that's usually pretty consistent across the board. In addition, the remaining four issues of "Youngblood" – this volume of it, anyway; counting spinoff books like "Team Youngblood", there have apparently been about 165 different "Youngblood" comics – all came out in 1994, so they at least were improving the schedule a little bit. But still, was there anybody who cared at this point? I know nothing about Youngblood's characters! Last year, I talked about the difficulty of difficulty of Devin Grayson's Teen Titan team trying to balance a book with ten team members. Now imagine trying to balance a book with twelve team members who all have the same sneering expression on their faces all the time and whose opening arc in their book is not even about them, but a completely different character and associated team! How much character development did they get, you ask?
(Cut to a clip of UHF)
Kuni (Gedde Watanabe): NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Linkara: But hey, maybe in this issue, they finally turn it all around and make me give a crap. (beat) And maybe the comic book I'm about to lift into frame will suddenly become a ham sandwich. So let's dig into (holds up... a ham sandwich) "Youngblood #6"– (stops abruptly when he sees he's holding a sandwich instead of the comic; he becomes confused) I still don't think it's gonna be any good.
(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has "Young Blood" by The Naked and Famous playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)
Linkara (v/o): The cover of course is garbage. It's a wraparound featuring five members of the team, one of whom I do not recognize, but because of the crappy perspective, I can't tell if he's supposed to be short or just at a really odd angle. There's Shaft in his stupid, stringless bow. I think it's supposed to work with magnets or something, which just raises the question of why you would design your weapon like that. If it's supposed to be propelled faster thanks to said magnets, wouldn't it be shaped more like a gun to get maximum range, or at least have projectiles that are more easily reloadable? Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning the awesomeness of archery or archery-based superheroes, I'm just saying Shaft's attempt to make his archery all super-tech just makes it ridiculous that he's not using a friggin' gun. Also, Vogue on the cover is now wearing battle armor. I'm guessing Rob got bored of her old character design and instead put her in the armor that has boob socks, because that's so conducive to protecting the chest. And to really screw with the perspective, for some reason, Diehard is looking to the side, despite all the other members looking up. Well, I presume Shaft is looking up; Youngblood's Disease has of course completely eradicated his eyes and left only a black void.
(The comic opens to the first page)
Linkara (v/o): We open with Cable– erm, I mean, uh... yeah, Cable* engaged in a motorcycle chase somewhere near Honduras.
- NOTE: Actually, it's Colonel Bravo, who will be named such, despite Linkara speaking otherwise.
Bravo: (narrating) Around 2 AM this morning, I left Honduras. Loaded up on enough supplies to last me, hopped on my bike and left.
Linkara: (as Bravo, holding a huge machine and shaking his fist) Whoo! Road trip!
Linkara (v/o): Just look at this guy: the capsule belt wrapped around his arm; the silly laser gun that doesn't even look like he's holding it properly; the weapons strapped to his back; what I'm guessing are supposed to be grenades on his shoulder, which just end looking like he's got pop cans attached to it instead.
Linkara: If you ever wanted to cosplay an early '90s Image character, just buy a muscle shirt, (makes a sneering expression) sneer a whole lot, and strap painted Coke cans to your body in random places. And if anybody asks who you are, you can just give them any name and it'll fit.
Bravo: (narrating) 'Course these nits were on my tail by 2:01, but what the hey?
Linkara (v/o): "Nits"? What, like "nitwits" or something? Did we need slang for a word that was probably already conceived as slang?
Bravo: (narrating) Yup, old soldiers don't die--they just get reassigned to desk jobs. Not this one. Anyone expecting Lt. Col. Bravo to while away his days pushing pencils and pulling papers is out of it.
Linkara: Oh, yeah, because we can totally see (a shot of Bravo appears in the corner) this dude sitting in an office and complaining to his coworkers around the coffee maker about meeting with the Bobs later and how he needs to do better with his TPS reports.
Bravo: (narrating) Probably explains the royal treatment these yobs are giving me.
Linkara: (incredulously making "finger quotes") "Yobs"? Okay, now you're just making up random words to insult people. Is that a thing now? Can I just make up nonsense words and use them as insults? Because in that case, Lieutenant, you're a flibbityfloo!
Bravo: If I'd gone along with the rules--played dumb like everyone else here-- I wouldn't be in this fix.
Linkara: When it comes to Youngblood, I doubt anyone has to (makes "finger quotes") "play dumb".
Linkara (v/o): Speaking of dumb, on the first page, this dude had a silly, stupid-looking half-helmet thing glued to the side of his face. On the next page, the thing apparently decided it didn't look ridiculous enough on its own and grew a copy of itself out of nowhere, and that went to the other side of his face. This is another one of those things that just appears sometimes in the '90s. What the hell is this thing supposed to be?
(Cut to 90s Kid)
90s Kid: Duuuuuuude! Those are just his cyborg earmuffs!
Linkara: (confused) Cybernetic earmuffs?
90s Kid: Yeah, dude. When you're that big, you use up body heat a lot faster, especially around the ears. As such, the cyborg earmuffs automatically expand to cover them when they get cold.
Bravo: (narrating) Unfortunately, I've always had a little problem with rules. Always held firmly that they only existed to be broken... just like people who get in your way.
Linkara: So you're a murderous asshole. That clears things up.
Linkra (v/o): Ah, beautiful Liefeldian anatomy! Gotta love how the attempt to make him look muscular just makes him look like his stomach and back are about two to three feet thick. Also, his gun is a different shape from what it was before.
Bravo: (narrating) Rules. People. Governments. They're all obstacles where I'm concerned.
Linkara: You must be fun at parties.
Linkara (v/o): While he boasts to himself about how awesome he is, he lands his bike on a boat and... I guess that's enough to get him away from his pursuer. I mean, sure, he's probably too far away to ramp over to the boat, too, but he could fire a gun or something. So Lieutenant Colonel Not Cable thinks to himself that he just hopes he can get to who I presume to be his son, thanks to this huge picture he's carrying around with him? The sad thing is, I'm not sure if the picture is supposed to be recent or if it's a picture of an adult or of a kid, because it's drawn exactly like how an adult would be drawn, and yet it looks like a really bad school picture, and the neck is too thin. I think it's supposed to be Shaft, but again, these characters all have the exact same cheekbones and hairstyles, so it's difficult to tell them apart. And speaking of telling people apart, we cut to the Youngblood team and narration by A Good Day To Diehard's crotch. Specifically, he's talking about ground activity at the AEC nuclear testing site on Nellis Air Force Range. Said "ground activity" may be perpetrated by a cyborg terrorist organization known as Cybernet.
Linkara: You think terrorism is scary today? It could be worse! They could be cyborgs!
Linkara (v/o): And here's where we get the kicker for this crap. It seems I spoke too soon about how Youngblood wasn't published for a year. That's technically true for this book, but apparently, in between issues 5 and 6, there were nine issues of a book called "Team Youngblood"!
Linkara: Well, it was really important for them to distinguish between the two books. It's not like the regular Youngblood book had a team in it. (laughs) Just like (holds up two fingers) those two. (laughs, then faceplams himself in frustration)
Linkara (v/o): Why the hell would you start a second Youngblood book like this?! It's not even like "Prophet", where you could theoretically say that people wanted to see ongoing adventures of him or Kirby's team. Again, theoretically speaking here. But "Team Youngblood" has the exact same people as regular "Youngblood"! Oh, but a few additions to the team, because Lord knows we didn't have enough characters in "Youngblood"! Now, some might recall that, in a previous episode, I was confused about the letters page for "Youngblood #4" that referred to the first five issues as a miniseries. So apparently, that was supposed to be a miniseries, except then, why the hell did they bother continuing on with the numbering a year later, after they had already worked on another "Youngblood" book?! Just make that the ongoing! This is not like "Transformers" or any other book that starts out as a miniseries, but then becomes an ongoing due to popularity; they didn't wait a year and release a whole other book before they continued on with it! And hell, the speculator boom wasn't quite over yet. Just start over with a new number 1! It wouldn't have sold as well as the first one you did, but at least you might capture some new readers instead of losing the interest who only followed "Youngblood" itself! But back to our "story already in progress". Diehard says that a task force has been put together to take on Cybernet, which includes him, Combat, Vogue and some guy wearing the same stupid cybernetic earmuffs as Not Cable. His name: Dutch.
(Cut to footage of Predator)
Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger): (meeting Dillon) You son of a bitch!
Linkara: (waving dismissively, laughing) No, no, no, no, not that Dutch. That Dutch is from something good.
Diehard: (narrating) Not exactly a powerhouse force, considering the scope of the threat we're being sent to investigate.
Linkara: Every member of your team looks like they've been inflated with a bicycle pump, and you all carry a gun more than half your size! What exactly is a (makes "finger quotes") "powerhouse", by your definition?
Diehard: (narrating) Regardless of any arguments to the contrary, the true nature of this mission is clear. Our demise would seem imminent.
Linkara: Um, why? If you think it's because your team isn't strong enough, you guys are government agents as far as I can tell. How often do you hear about the government making good decisions?
Vogue: Unnngh! This waiting is killing me! Am I the only here who's frightened?
Linkara (v/o): Oh, yeah, you really look scared, what with you gritting your teeth. Well, maybe she is frightened. After all, she's bringing her hands down to her crotch as if she really needs to pee.
Combat: Frightened? A Katellan Warrior knows no fear.
Linkara (v/o): Oh, yeah, that reminds me: whatever happened to all those other warriors in your stupid-looking warrior culture who were hovering over the Earth in an earlier issue? Or was that just done in "Team Youngblood", because why would we want consistency in a single book? Or did Rob just get bored and forgot about that subplot? Dutch, who we can now see, thanks to a closeup, has silly green horizontal...
(Editor's note: "VERTICAL".)
Linkara (v/o): ...lines over the eyes of his mask.
Linkara: Some superheroes are designed with form following function; others going for symbolism or a certain color scheme. These superheroes are designed with the philosophy of (waving dismissively) "Eh, just put some random clown makeup on someplace. There! We have a whole new character!" (rolls eyes exasperatedly)
Dutch: The brass back home don't give a rat's @$$ about your fear.
Linkara: You have your own comic company. You don't have the stamp of the Comics Code Authority on this, so I presume you don't try to answer to them. And your (makes "finger quotes") "heroes" routinely solve their problems by shooting them. I don't think you have to worry about censoring the word "ass"!
Dutch: As far as they're concerned, we've got a job to do. If we don't do it--if we get nixed out here today--c'est la vie.
Vogue: And you don't have a problem with that?
Combat: What troubles me, Vogue, is that you do. If the warrior spirit is not within you, why are you here?
Linkara: (as Combat) Being a warrior means I don't care if my life is thrown away stupidly by jackasses.
Dutch: Listen, can it with the warrior shtick, Combat. Vogue has every right to be worried--we all know what Cybernet is capable of.
Linkara: And yet, earlier, you said you didn't care about people's fears, Dutch! Consistency – it'd be nice to have at some point!
(Cut again to 90s Kid)
90s Kid: Duuuude! We'll be right back after these messages!
(He makes devil horn signs with his hands as the AT4W logo appears in the corner, and we go to a commercial break. Upon return, 90s Kid is seen again, as he shucks his buttoned-up shirt to reveal his black "WYSIWYG" t-shirt underneath)
90s Kid: What you see is what you get, and what you see is more of the show because WE'RE BAAAAAACK!
(He makes devil horn signs again as the AT4W logo appears in the corner again. Cut back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): Also, is Vogue's armor supposed shiny? She's got a little light twinkle on her breasts, same as one on Combat and Diehard. I gotta say they're not really selling the metallic look when it's dull brown and CLEARLY NOT METAL! Diehard suggests that they're not going in to end the threat of Cybernet, but to test them and see how powerful they are.
Diehard: Look at us-- an alien criminal, a beautiful Russian gymnast, a former member of the very organization we're being sent to confront-- and the bi-pedal equivalent of a rechargeable battery.
Linkara: You sell yourself too short, Diehard. My rechargeable batteries can't attack things with their crotches.
Linkara (v/o): We cut to New York City, where Badrock is being interviewed on a talk show. It's a parody of David Letterman, instead named David Kellerman, and of course, he looks absolutely nothing like David Letterman, so whatever. And I should know; I own a comic where...
(Cut to a shot of the cover of a comic called "The Avengers on Late Night With David Letterman")
Linkara (v/o): ...the Avengers meet David Letterman. And yes, I'm going to review that someday.
(Cut back to the Youngblood comic)
Linkara (v/o): Still, I'll give the comic credit: it's the first time in the entire damn series where they actually do the "superheroes are celebrities" thing (gets annoyed) that they kept saying was so innovative about this book, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT INNOVATIVE AND IT'S BEEN DONE A HELL OF A LOT BETTER ELSEWHERE!! Erm, anyway, Dave mentions that Badrock has been busy. He's got a hot new music video out, a popular chain of restaurants, toys, and a clothing line.
Linkara: Oh, yeah, I've seen those clothes: Men's Huge and Huger.
Linkara (v/o): Also, music video? Dear Lord, what I'd love to see how the hell they do that with Badrock, especially because he's supposed to be a little kid, but just in a giant body. Mm, still more likable than Justin Bieber. Dave asks him if he feels like he's running a bit thin with all of that happening.
Badrock: Nawww, as a matter of fact-- I was sorta thinking of starting up my own late night talk show!
Linkara (v/o): "Late night"? I saw the establishing shot; it's the middle of the friggin' afternoon! Just as they're about to go to commercial, a woman stands up in the audience and aims a gun at Dave. And naturally, it's an absolutely silly-looking ray gun, even though on the previous page, it looked like a normal gun. Speaking of changing in between panels, Dave apparently felt like taking off his jacket after the gun at him. Anyway, the woman is pissed because Dave won't return her calls, because that's a legitimate reason for trying to murder him with a super-advanced laser gun. Fortunately, Badrock can take a hit from it and easily disarms her and knocks her out.
Badrock: Hnh. Y'know something, Dave-- she's kinda cute now that I look at her! Maybe you should've picked the phone up one of those times!
Linkara: (laughs uproariously) She tried to kill people.
Linkara (v/o): After the show, Badrock's agent or manager or whatever... I thought Youngblood's manager or whatever was some doofy-looking guy named Timer. ...tells him that this will push his Q rating through the roof and up his popularity. Badrock is uncertain, but the dude can't just keep over-hyping how big he's gonna be from this... as if he wasn't already big, since I don't think they'd be inviting him onto the show if he wasn't popular already. We then cut to the White House, where we have more examples of hideous artwork. Also, Shaft. The overly-tall Shaft is meeting with his liaison to the government named Graves. And believe it or not, Graves is actually taller than shaft and has wider shoulders, and Shaft is already like a kajillion heads tall. All he's telling Shaft is that the President wants changes to the Youngblood program.
Linkara: This is a weird remake of The West Wing.
Linkara (v/o): What changes does the President want? Well, they're not being overly specific, but naturally, this has Shaft all pissy. People looking pissed off in a Rob Liefeld comic? What a startling new development! They're under contract with the government until 1998, so he has to abide by the changes. First up on the changes list?
Graves: I would like to introduce you to-- The YOUNGBLOOD of tomorrow!
Linkara: The tagline of the first issue was "The Next Generation of Heroes". So they finally admitted that that generation of heroes sucked and are calling a do-over.
Linkara (v/o): Not that this latest batch looks any better. First is an Australian named Knight Sabre, who wears a stupid bandanna on his head that defies gravity, unless somebody just has a really powerful fan on. And then there's... Ugh! Troll! Do you remember Troll? Because I remember Troll!
Linkara: Troll was the star of the "Extreme Super Christmas Special" that I reviewed years and years ago. (laughs, then speaks sarcastically) And I'm just so happy to see him! (laughs, then speaks through gritted teeth while wringing hands) I feel so much better now that he's in this story, BECAUSE I WAS JUST SO INTERESTED IN SEEING HIS FIRST APPEARANCE!!
Linkara (v/o): And finally, there's... uh, Die Hard.
Graves: ...and our trio of newcomers is rounded out by the latest creation from our Die Hard program...!
Linkara: Man, this Die Hard better be better than the last one. I hear people are starting to get sick of them. Also, I hope this robot is cool. (grins)
Linkara (v/o): Shaft questions why they need a second Die Hard...
Linkara: ...which I could make another movie joke about, but I think I've used up all the humor of this stupid name.
Linkara (v/o): And Grave responds with an evil grin.
Graves: This new unit is much more versatile than the current one.
Shaft: The current "model" is a human being, Graves! This...This thing is nothing more than an unfeeling machine with the real Die Hard's memories and experiences downloaded in his intelligence circuitry...!
Linkara: How the hell do you know that? You didn't even seem to be aware of this dude's existence. For all you know, he's another person, too, asshole!
Linkara (v/o): Troll endears himself to us by saying that just makes him a great straight man to his jokes and Shaft goes off on him.
Shaft: I'm the leader of this team and as such, I expect to be addressed with at least some degree of respect!
Linkara: (as Shaft) I expect to be treated with the utmost respect when I wear (points to fedora) this head condom, mister!
Shaft: And as for jokes--this is a government fighting force, Troll, not a comedy troupe.
Linkara: Eh, don't speak too soon, Shaft; I do end up laughing at you idiots a lot.
Linkara (v/o): Before Shaft can complain about this whole thing to Graves, he receives a phone call about protesters out at the front gate of the White House.
Graves: Some undesirables are attempting to stage a protest of some sort.
Linkara: (holds up index finger) One, "undesirables"? Really? (holds up two fingers) Two, I sincerely doubt one can just start a protest in front of the friggin' White House. I would imagine you would need to file permits, especially in the place that's supposed to have the highest security of the entire nation! (holds up three fingers) Three, when aren't there protesters in front of the White House? Do they really need you for this?
Linkara (v/o): And immediately after Shaft says to let him know if they'll need Youngblood, the glass window near them explodes. Diehard Number 2 says there are over half a dozen armed and dangerous hostiles outside.
Shaft: What do they hope to gain by attacking us?
Linkara (v/o): Probably your deaths, I would imagine, since you're all standing in front of the exploded window without taking any cover or protection whatsoever! Dumbass!
Troll: Beats me! Maybe they just wanna see your costume designer-- they could sure use it!
Linkara (v/o): And we see the terrorists are wearing body armor, carrying guns, and have face masks with a red circle on them.
Linkara: (annoyed) You all wear the same outfits already, Troll, and they all suck!
Terrorist: HEAR ME, LEADERS OF AMERICA!
Linkara: Dude, you're staving at the main gate. You may want to get in a bit closer if you want them to hear you.
Terrorist: No longer will the citizens of this country stand idly by while our society is eroded by the presence of the blasphemous Nu-Gene! No more shall we blindly accept the will of an uncaring government protected and run by beings who can only be loosely described as human!
Linkara: Eh, I'm not really seeing any difference here from normal American political discourse.
Linkara (v/o): They declare themselves to be a group called The Brotherhood of Man, and Shaft thinks he recognizes the name.
Shaft: If I'm not mistaken, these are the same fanatics Sentinel's team ran afoul of a while back.
Linkara (v/o): An editorial box informs us that it was in the "recently concluded Extreme Prejudice cross-over".
Linkara: (annoyed) Oh, goody, more stuff that Youngblood was involved in that was not the actual main book! Why even have a main book if you're not gonna do anything in it?! Also, EXTREME!
(As he is wont to do when he shouts this, he flails his arms around while random flashing words pop up and rock music plays in the background)
Linkara (v/o): Troll puts on a helmet, the most sensible thing he's ever done, and the team charges out to fight. And any tension from this fight scene is completely eliminated, as we see Graves thinking to himself...
Graves: (thinking) Excellent. Everything is progressing as I had hoped...
Linkara (v/o): ...meaning, he clearly set this whole thing up to showcase the new Youngblood members both to Shaft and the public at large. It's not that I mind that he did that, but rather that we're getting this revelation now instead of after the fight. This fight is not gonna go badly; it's choreographed to go like this. And the worst part is that this is in fact a ripoff of something that happened at DC!
(Cut to the DC comic in question)
Linkara (v/o): Maxwell Lord hired the Royal Flush Gang to attack the newly-formed Justice League International so he could show off Booster Gold's skills, only difference being that THAT DIDN'T SUCK!!
(Back to the Youngblood comic again)
Linkara (v/o): Troll knocks out a terrorist, showing his horribly stumpy arms.
Shaft: Looking good, Troll!
Linkara: Um... No, he really isn't. Nobody is looking good in this comic.
Shaft: You're not half bad for a little guy!
Linkara: Meaning what, exactly, Shaft? Are you prejudiced against them or something?
Linkara (v/o): Also, Shaft, great belly flop there out of a second-story window. Let me know how that goes for you when you smack face-first into the ground.
Shaft: Don't you think it's about time you crawled on out of the Middle Ages? This isn't Camelot you're not storming this castle...
Linkara: Says the man wielding a bow and arrow.
Shaft: This is the White House and your presence here is a federal offense!
Linkara (v/o): That raises a good question: where the hell are the actual Secret Service agents? Maybe they were just blindsided by Knight Sabre's completely vertical kick there. It's not even that his leg is up like that; it's that his body is twisting in the complete opposite direction and his thigh looks like it's just attached to the hip on a ball joint like a toy. We then have a splash page with narration talking about Knight Sabre's backstory and powers, how of course he was a troubled youth or something. But what really gets me is his superpower.
Narrator: He could absorb aggression. And not only could he absorb it, he could release it, as well, in the form of concentrated bursts of energy.
Linkara: You know... (sighs) that's not a bad idea for a superpower. But just like everything else in "Youngblood", it's poorly executed.
Linkara (v/o): And Die Hard Mark II takes out the remaining terrorists who attempt to flee in a van. He picks it up and brings it back, leading Troll and him to attempt humor.
Troll: You been takin' yer vitamins, ain'tcha?
Die Hard: Vitamins have little to do with my design or functions, Bartholomew Troll. My physical strength is derived from a complex system of cyber-hydraulics.
Linkara: (robotic voice) The joke is that Die Hard doesn't understand jokes because he is a robot and oh, dear Lord, this is asinine and thankfully, we're almost done here.
Linkara (v/o): And yep, Graves thinks to himself that everything went to plan and the media has arrived to report on the situation... all of three people. And again, the lack of security at the friggin' White House, because apparently these three jumped the fence, given what direction they came from! Hell, where is everything in D.C.? Liefeld was apparently too busy drawing clouds to remember that there are other buildings in the area! And so, our comic ends with Badrock and the manager guy at an airport, presumably during the next morning, and he's lamenting that he isn't seeing any reports on what happened at the talk show. However, he does find something of interest in an issue of a magazine. And what's the title of the magazine?
(Audio from Wayne's World is heard as we hear Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers) speaking)
Wayne (v/o): Extreme Close-Up!
Wayne and Garth Algar (Dana Carvey) (v/o): Waaaaaaaaah!
Badrock: (reading) "Move over, Badrock, Youngblood's most popular is three foot– four inches of dynamite and goes by the name of TROLL?!" I think I'm gonna puke...!
Linkara: (disgusted) Me, too. What the hell made Troll popular in any definition of the term? (holds up... his hands, as he doesn't have the comic on hand) This comic– (realizes he's not holding anything) THIS COMIC SUCKS!
Linkara (v/o): Not content with the cast of hundreds the book already had, the creative team apparently decided to add several new members who probably won't get expanded upon or made interesting in any regard. The artwork continues to be atrocious, either just in its overmuscled, unimaginative designs, or in the laziness of not adding backgrounds or details where there should be. The fights, as a result, are laughable in the needed contortions to accomplish some moves, the dialogue is insipid and annoying, and there's not even a point to a lot of the pages. Yeah, it says that Diehard's team against Cybernet is gonna happen in "Team Youngblood #10", so all of his pages were just there to set up stuff happening in ANOTHER BOOK!! On top of that, this thing is longer than a normal issue, at 36 pages! Remember how Issue 5 was just shoved into the back of an issue of "Brigade" and only half length? It's like they just took the missing pages from that and put them in this pile of crap!
Linkara: Why did people ever want to work on this book?! (about to clutch at temples) I will never understand what they saw in it! Gah! (gets up and leaves)
(End credits roll)
Why is Die Hard's name "Die Hard" when there's an entire program built around replacing him? It seems to be a bit of a misnomer if he dies frequently and easily enough to justify that.
Troll would eventually die and be replaced by a goblin, but was still referred to as Troll.
(Stinger: Linkara leans his head into the frame)
Linkara: And big surprise: it wasn't a very good sandwich, either!