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'''Linkara (v/o):''' NOWHERE on the "Youngblood" comics are they advertised as a miniseries! In addition, the story isn't ''CONCLUDED'' in those four issues, as I'll talk about in a second.
  
'''Linkara (v/o):''' NOWHERE on the "Youngblood" comics are they advertised as a miniseries! In addition, the story isn't ''CONCLUDED'' in those four issues, as I'll talk about in a second.
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''(The letters column is shown again)''
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' The letters column also said that a Youngblood ongoing series was coming, but if it was always the plan for this to be a miniseries, why bother to continue the numbering? It was already proven by this point that number-1 issues were selling better, so why not start fresh with a proper number-1?
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''(Cut to a closeup of "Brigade #4"'s cover)''
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' But yeah, "Youngblood #5" is actually the ''flipbook'' of "Brigade #4". It's ''not'' the main feature, because the letters column in the book is "Brigade"'s. Even in Rob Liefeld's other books, "Youngblood" is a second-rate feature in-team.
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''(Cut to a closeup of the fifth issue's cover)''
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' So what ''does'' the cover to Issue 5 do to entice the readers? It has Badrock's face proclaiming...
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'''Badrock:''' ''LET'S ROCK!''
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' Charming.
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'''Linkara:''' ''(his face covering the screen)'' Hey! What if all my title cards just had my face shoved up against the camera? That would get people to watch my show, wouldn't it? ''(smiles sarcastically)''
   
 
[...]
  
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Revision as of 01:17, 18 June 2020

Youngblood #5

Youngblood 5 at4w

Released
February 11, 2013
Running time
38:09
Previous review
Next review
Tagline
The Double Feature finale to the "Guns and Sorcery" Storyline!
Link

(As Comicron 1 orbits Earth, an enraged Linkara teleports on-board)

Linkara: Red alert!

(A siren wails and the room is bathed in red light, while Linkara walks up to the ship's main computer)

Linkara: Nimue, beam everybody up and tell them to man their battle stations! I don't care where they are or what they're doing!

Nimue: Confirmed.

(Harvey Finevoice appears on the ship, smoking a cigarette, not realizing where he is at first until he hears the siren and sees the room is lit red. He looks around in confusion and sees Linkara)

Harvey: Kid, what's going on?!

Linkara: (angrily) The Gunslinger has Margaret!

Harvey: (confused) Who?

Linkara: The gun!! He has the magic gun! Harvey, man the weapons station! Bring the neutron blasters online and charge the forward lance!

Harvey: (throws down cigarette) On it, kid! (leaves)

(Linkara sits down in the captain's chair and pushes a button on the armrest)

Linkara: Engineering, report!

(Cut to the engine room, where Dr. Linksano is)

Dr. Linksano: I'm here, Linkara, and I'm up to date! Engines ready! (holds up fist)

Nimue: The Ninja-Style Dancer reports that he is ready to lead the assault with an armada of Cybermats.

Linkara: Good. Tell him to stand by. Now, where the hell is the Gunslinger?

Nimue: Sensor scans are underway. However, it has proven difficult to track the Gunslinger on previous occasions.

Linkara: (angrily) Don't you give me that horse crap right now, Nimue! You are the computer of the most advanced warship in the universe! YOU FIND HIM, GODDAMMIT!! (pushes another button) Pollo, Linksano, coordinate with Nimue! I want this son of a bitch FOUND!!

(The screen turns black dramatically, and the AT4W title sequence plays, and title card has "Young Blood" by The Beatles playing in the background. Cut then to Linkara back in his home, sitting as usual on his futon. He has his hand resting on his cheek listlessly)

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. I think by now you people should know how I feel about "Youngblood".

(A montage of shots of past "Youngblood" comics is shown)

Linkara (v/o): In case you don't, it sucks! You can yell until you're blue in the face about how the concept of a "proactive" superhero team that has "merchandising" and "appears on talk shows" and are celebrities and crap is such a (sarcastically) wonderful idea, and it's just the execution that fails, but in the end, it doesn't change that "Youngblood" sucks! You can tell me about the runs from Alan Moore, the revived series from 2011, and that's great if they really are good, but honestly, it just keeps bringing me back to the question of why the hell anyone would want to do anything with this series when there is so much friggin' BAGGAGE with it!! Look, my rant against the X-Men back in my next 15 screw-ups was half-joking. I don't hate the X-Men, and there are plenty of bad stories out there that have nothing to do with them, and there are great runs on the X-Men books. But Youngblood is a team that does not deserve all the hard work of creators! It's a bunch of unmemorable ripoff characters growling and gritting teeth and saying really stupid things and squinting and doing overexaggerated poses and all that crap! Let "Youngblood" die already! Just let it DIE!! Rob Liefeld does not deserve the amount of loyalty that he somehow has engendered!

Linkara: (putting his hand to his ear as if trying to listen to something) What's that? Rob Liefeld is really enthusiastic about the industry and (smiles sarcastically) is really an awesome guy if you know him in person and loves comics and everything about the medium? (scowls) Yeah, well, (points to himself) I'm really enthusiastic about the medium, but no one says that I should be drawing comic books!

Linkara (v/o): Rob Liefeld can't write! Rob Liefeld can't draw! Rob Liefeld can't create!

(Cut to a shot of a Deadpool comic)

Linkara (v/o): And don't go telling me about how he created Deadpool and Cable. One, he didn't create Deadpool...

(Cut to a shot of a comic featuring The New Mutants)

Linkara (v/o): ...he created some boring-ass mercenary who spoke in yellow-colored speech bubbles. Nobody would give a damn about him if not for the work of everybody else but him!

(Cut to shots of Cable)

Linkara (v/o): And as for Cable, I admit, my knowledge of the character comes from the animated series, but even Cable really is all that awesome and iconic a character, well, congratulations! You have found one, all of ONE character, that Rob Liefeld created that's actually good. Except, a good creator is capable of making more than just one character. Liefeld, on the other hand, settles on inventing 60,000 characters, and none of them are good!

(Cut back to Deadpool again)

Linkara (v/o): But to cite that Deadpool example again, is he really the one who created him, if everything about the character that people like was done by others?

Linkara: You show me a Rob Liefeld character that people like, and I'll show you the other creators who are responsible for you liking them.

Linkara (v/o): The point is, companies, stop giving him work! Consumers, stop buying things with his name on it! And my fans, stop telling me about movies that are supposedly being made with his characters! Ooh, a Godyssey movie! I'm sure I'll see that NEVER! Because not a single movie that Rob Liefeld's characters have been developed for has ACTUALLY EVER BEEN MADE!

(Cut to a clip of "Deadpool" in X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

Linkara (v/o): And don't bring Not Deadpool in the Wolverine movie! I should not have to explain that again! Deadpool's not really his character, that wasn't really Deadpool, AND HE WASN'T THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE DAMN MOVIE!!

(After ranting and screaming like that, Linkara gasps for breath)

Linkara: (holds up both hands) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not angry at you all, I really am not, and I'm sorry if I yelled at you, but it's just... I'm kind of having a bad day, and it's not helping that today, we're digging into (holds up today's comic) "Youngblood #5".

(Cut to the last page of "Youngblood #4")

Linkara (v/o): So, you might recall that at the end of the last "Youngblood", it solicited that the rest of the story would be featured in "Brigade #4".

(Cut to the letters column of that comic)

Linkara (v/o): The letters column explained this in more detail, wherein I read the most confusing thing ever: that "Youngblood #1" to "4"... was a miniseries, and that the conclusion to the story would be ten pages long. The conclusion to a miniseries, which is supposed to be a self-contained story...? (stammers) Well, anyway, the ten pages thing is actually a lie; it's 14 pages.

(Cut to a shot of a Transformers comic)

Linkara (v/o): However, this is hardly a miniseries. Look, the Marvel Transformers comic was originally slated to be just a four-issue miniseries, but it was expanded to be an ongoing series because of popular demand. BUT IT WAS STILL ADVERTISED ON THE TOP AS A LIMITED SERIES!!

(Cut to a shot of the first issue of "Youngblood")

Linkara (v/o): NOWHERE on the "Youngblood" comics are they advertised as a miniseries! In addition, the story isn't CONCLUDED in those four issues, as I'll talk about in a second.

(The letters column is shown again)

Linkara (v/o): The letters column also said that a Youngblood ongoing series was coming, but if it was always the plan for this to be a miniseries, why bother to continue the numbering? It was already proven by this point that number-1 issues were selling better, so why not start fresh with a proper number-1?

(Cut to a closeup of "Brigade #4"'s cover)

Linkara (v/o): But yeah, "Youngblood #5" is actually the flipbook of "Brigade #4". It's not the main feature, because the letters column in the book is "Brigade"'s. Even in Rob Liefeld's other books, "Youngblood" is a second-rate feature in-team.

(Cut to a closeup of the fifth issue's cover)

Linkara (v/o): So what does the cover to Issue 5 do to entice the readers? It has Badrock's face proclaiming...

Badrock: LET'S ROCK!

Linkara (v/o): Charming.

Linkara: (his face covering the screen) Hey! What if all my title cards just had my face shoved up against the camera? That would get people to watch my show, wouldn't it? (smiles sarcastically)

[...]

Linkara: If we look at "Youngblood" again next year, at least it'll be off to a fresh start with a new storyline, because honestly, I can't understand how (points to comic) anyone liked this back in the day. (throws down comic)

Nimue: Information: the Gunslinger has been located. Coordinates are being fed to navigation.

Linkara: Bring me up!

(Linkara gets up from the futon and walks off. He teleports onto Comicron 1 and sits down in the captain's chair)

Linkara: Report!

Dr. Linksano: We've only found him because he's dimension-jumping, Linkara. It's putting out a lot of energy.

Linkara: Pursuit course! Give it everything you've got!

Nimue: Confirmed.

(Comicron 1 heads out into deep space in pursuit of the Gunslinger and jumps to light speed)

Linkara: Show me the enemy vessel.

(The computer brings up the Gunslinger's vessel, which looks like a house with rocket engines on it. Linkara pushes a button on his chair)

Linkara: Linksano, I presume you've ironed out all the bugs of the ship's refit? Things didn't exactly go well the last time I fought against a frickin' house.

Dr. Linksano: All taken care of, Linkara. (clenches fist) Light 'em up!

Linkara: Good. Hail the enemy vessel.

Harvey: Wait, kid! Are you sure you want to give away that we're following him? I know this ship can go a bit stealthier if it needs to.

Linkara: It can, but I sure as hell don't want to. I want the son of a bitch to know I'm coming. Hail him!

Nimue: Hailing frequencies open.

Linkara: Surrender your vessel, or you will be fired upon! This is your only warning!

(The house-spaceship starts to pull away)

Nimue: Information: the enemy vessel is increasing speed.

Linkara: Match speed and lock weapons on target.

Harvey: Lock 'n' load, kid. Just give the word.

Linkara: Fire neutron blasters!

(Comicron 1 sets its sights on the fleeing vessel and fire at it)

Nimue: Aft shields of the enemy vessel have been reduced by twelve percent.

Harvey: They're firing back!

(Suddenly, one of the vessel's shots hits Linkara's ship, which shakes violently)

Linkara: Damage report!

(An image of the ship appears on the screen)

Nimue: Force (?) absorbed 90% of the impact. No appreciable damage.

Linkara: Harvey, I think the Gunslinger needs to see what he's up against.

Harvey: Right, kid! Firing forward lance!

(Harvey pushes a button and a green laser is fired, hitting the house-spaceship)

Nimue: Aft shields of the enemy vessel have been reduced by 50%.

(Linkara starts to open his mouth to speak, but before he can say anything, an alarm goes off)

Linkara: What the hell's happening?!

(The image of the ship is shown again, with some parts of the weapons flashing red)

Nimue: Information: malfunction in weapons systems.

Linkara: (pushing a button on chair) Linksano, what's going on down there?!

(In the engine room, there are several small explosions of sparks)

Dr. Linksano: I-I don't know! Circuits in the communication system have overloaded!

Linkara: Then why the hell are the weapons being affected?!

Dr. Linksano:I don't know! I'm getting malfunction reports from several unrelated systems! Whatever is going on, it's not what happened when you were fighting against Terl!

Linkara: Harvey, do we still have weapons?

Harvey: Yeah, but power's dropping like cement!

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