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You Need to Calm Down
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Date Aired
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June 30, 2019
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Running Time
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19:38
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Previous Review
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Next Review
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TBA
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Website
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Todd plays "You Need to Calm Down" on the piano.
TAYLOR SWIFT - YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN
A pop song review
Todd: [sighs] Yep. Two Taylor Swift episodes in a month. We're doin' this.
Video for Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie - "Me!"
Todd (VO): When I made that last Taylor Swift episode just three weeks ago, I asked one big, provocative question.
Clip from Me!
Todd: Is the Taylor Swift moment over?
Todd: And now we have a definitive answer. No, it is not.
Video for Taylor Swift - "You Need to Calm Down"
Todd (VO): It is still Taylor Swift's world, and we are still just living in it. Her new single was titled, "You Need to Calm Down". And...
Todd: ...people did not calm down.
Todd (VO): I was out seeing a show when she released it, and when I got back, it seemed like [shots of tweets about...] everyone I follow on social media, including the non music accounts was talking about it.
Cut to Todd's computer
Alarms goes off and a system alert shows on monitor: "TAYLOR SWIFT DRAMA ALERT"
Todd: [offscreen] The hell?! What the...? What...[checks computer] What set off the alarm?! [turns off alarm; beat] Oh. Oh, no.
Clip of live performance
Todd (VO): So whatever you wanna say about her, it's clear that she still has enormous power to attract attention. [clip of "You Need to Calm Down"] It felt like she deliberately dropped this song dto spite me personally for asking such a stupid question. It dropped, and in its first week, it has rocketed up the charts all the way to... Todd: ...well, to #2.
Video for...
Todd (VO): It has not budged "Old Town Road", which...now sits on a [image of Lil Nas X's face over Grim Reaper sitting on...] throne of skulls from all the challengers it's vanquished. Todd: But, something's gotta unseat it eventually. I wouldn't be super shocked if it was Taylor.
Video for "You Need to Calm Down"
Todd (VO): 'Cause this is not just any Taylor Swift song. Believe me, I would not be rushing out another Taylor episode this quickly if I could avoid it, but... Todd: ...this felt like it demanded an immediate response.
Video for "Me!"
Todd (VO): Unlike the vapid and pointless lead single, "Me!", [clip of "You Need to Calm Down"] this feels a lot more... Todd: ...substantial, I guess. A lot more meat on it.
Video for "Me!"
Todd (VO): And unlike the puzzled apathy that greeted that underwhelming first song, [clip of...] the response to "You Need to Calm Down" from the pop-listening world... Todd: ...has been extremely positive. [pause] And also extremely negative. This one's really polarizing. [Todd scrolls through Twitter...] Taylor's fan base seems to be really appreciating it. [shot of article: "Taylor Swift's Anthem 'You Need to Calm Down' Is Pretty Clueless"] The more jaded and cynical nerds have been firmly unimpressed. Like, I made my feelings about it known pretty quickly. [shot of tweet from Todd with poop and thumbs down emojis; farting noise] And the Swifties showed up in my [more tweets from Taylor Swift fans bashing Todd] mentions in full defense of her, which...definitely did not happen for that other song.
Video for "You Need to Calm Down"
Todd (VO): And since at least a portion of people seemed...fairly protective of it, I'm gonna try and take in everyone's responses as well as my own. 'Cause we're yet again dealing with sensitive topics, and I wanna be careful, and... Todd: ...yadda-yadda-yadda. Yeah, it's one of those episodes [makes jerkoff motion]. Well, I'll say this much right off the bat.
Brief montage clips of....
Todd (VO): Between this, and "7 Rings", and "Old Town Road", 2019 is turning into a...
Todd: ...banner year for thinkpiece bait pop singles. So, let's start [rubs hands together] generating those hot takes.
Closing Tag Song: "Con Calma (Remix)" - Daddy Yankee ft. Katy Perry
THE END
"You Need to Calm Down" is owned by Republic Records
This video is owned by me
THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!