X-Men (NC)

X-Men
Released	March 6, 2019
Running Time	36:45
Previous Review	X-Men: The Animated Series
Next Review	TBA
Link	http://channelawesome.com/x-men-nostalgia-critic/

(The Channel Awesome logo plays, followed by the theme of this year's theme month: "X-Month", which shows the Channel Awesome cast in the style of X-Men)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. And welcome to "X-Month"!

(Suddenly, he hears the sound of a doorbell ringing, which gets his attention)

NC: (confused) We...don't have a doorbell, so I'd better check that out.

(He gets out of his seat and walks down the hall, where he is suddenly greeted by Uncle Lies, Aunt Despair and a youth (played by Malcolm) playing on his phone)

NC: Oh, God, what are you doing here? And how'd you make that doorbell sound?

Aunt Despair: (gesturing towards Uncle Lies) It's one of his many gifts.

(Uncle Lies opens his mouth, making a doorbell sound)

Aunt Despair: So, we trust you remember babysitting (gesturing towards youth) our teenage nephew today?

Uncle Lies: We warned you about it five months ago.

NC: Yeah, but I moved studios, hoping you wouldn't find me.

Uncle Lies: We have eyes everywhere.

(NC notices that his room has a mysterious pair of eyes on the wall, which blink and vanish)

NC: The more I find out about you, the less I somehow know.

Aunt Despair: We don't actually know when we're gonna be done, so best play it by ear.

NC: What, do you have some important stuff to do and you can't drag him along with you?

Uncle Lies: (beat) No.

Aunt Despair: We just don't like spending time with him. (To Malcolm) Is that right, buddy? (Pats him on the back)

Malcolm: I don't care.

NC: Dude, you can't just leave him here indefinitely...

(He suddenly notices that Aunt Despair and Uncle Lies have already left, leaving Malcolm behind with a note on him saying, "Keep away from petroleum". NC sighs, goes to the living room, and sits down on the couch, while Malcolm sits next to him on the floor, still playing on his phone)

NC: So...what do you like?

Malcolm: I don't care.

NC: Is the following routine just gonna be you answering "I don't care" to every question?

Malcolm: I don't care.

NC: (simultaneously) I don't care. Well, if I know modern parenting, just putting a screen in front of you is the best way to raise you. So two screens must be better. (Turns on the TV, which shows the title of X-Men) You just play on your phone while I watch the first X-Men movie.

Malcolm: (breaks out of his bored state upon hearing that) X-Men? You mean, like, the Marvel Comics?

NC: Yeah.

Malcolm: I love Marvel Comics!

NC: Yeah? What do you think about the Marvel movies?

Malcolm: They're amazing! They're, like, the comics come to life!

NC: Oh, my God! Well, you're gonna love this movie, then!

Malcolm: Yeah?

NC: When this film came out, every X-Men fan went nuts!

Malcolm: So this is a really great and faithful Marvel adaptation?

NC: That's what everyone said at the time. And seeing how that was almost 20 years ago, and the landscape for comic book movies has barely changed at all, I think we're both in for a lot of surprises!

(NC and Malcolm both smile in anticipation. The title of the movie is shown again, before showing various clips)

NC (vo): When X-Men came out, there was little faith in it. With the exception of Blade, comic book movies at the time were seen more and more as a big joke. (Posters of Blade, Judge Dredd, Spawn, Tank Girl, Barb Wire, and Batman & Robin are shown) Ever since Batman & Robin left a bad mark in everybody's rubber anuses, comic book flicks were shown very little dignity and even less ticket sales. So when the loud and bombastic, yet still poignant and challenging, X-Men comic was given the big screen treatment, it was not given much of a budget, or even much credibility.

NC: Even the trailer had sort of a...

NC (vo): ...B-movie, SyFy Channel feel to it. It looked pretty corny.

(Several scenes of the film's trailer are shown, before going back to film clips)

NC (vo): But thankfully, the movie didn't suck, which immediately meant it was amazing! Critics praised how they weren't laughing at a comic book film, which, back then, was pretty rare... (The poster for Steel is shown) ...and fans loved seeing a certain amount of dignity...oh, hell, any amount of dignity...given to one of the greatest comic book series ever made.

Malcolm: (now concerned) But isn't that like Doctor Strange where they made the Ancient One into a Celtic woman, or like Iron Man 3 where they made the Mandarin not an alien? It's so annoying when they change stuff like that.

NC: Well, again, I haven't watched it in almost 20 years, but seeing how people look back on it so fondly, it has to be a great adaptation!

Malcolm: (resumes smiling) Man, I'm excited!

NC: So am I. Let's go back to the year 2000 when people really knew how to do comic book movies. This is X-Men.