Wreck It Ralph Vs Angry Birds

Wreck It Ralph Vs Angry Birds
Date Aired	November 20th, 2012
Running Time	27:49
Website	http://www.tgwtg.com

(We open on a Taken parody, with Donnie as the Liam Neeson character. His phone rings.)

Neeson: Hello?

Phone guy: Bryan?

Neeson: Yes?

Phone guy: There's something I have that you want.

Neeson: Want?

Phone guy: Yes.

Neeson: Alright, listen here. I don't know who you are and I don't know what you want. If you're looking for ransom I can tell you I have no money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I've acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you return what is mine, that'll be the end of it. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. Then I will hunt down your family and kill them, then your pets, co-workers, even that waitress you've been eying at the Red Lobster. You know that fuzzy little squirrel you've been feeding birdseed too? I'll kill him, and all of his fuzzy grandchildren. Then I'll kill the birds, every crow, lark and starling on the whole Eastern Seaboard, maybe even kill a few seagulls, a couple of fish as well. Then, when it's all said and done, I'll dig up their rotting corpses, use the necronomicon, bring them back to life just so I can kill them all over again. Only this time, I'll throw in a few orphans and some kittens.

Phone guy: Dude, I just wanted to give you your pizza.

Neeson: Oh is it here?

Phone guy: I'm at the front door!

(takes the pizza)

Phone guy: You're a dick. (Neeson tries to close the door) Hey! That's $15.73.

Neeson: I told you, I don't have any money. However would you be interested in a very particular set of skills? (glare) Your loss.

(cut back to Donnie and Rebecca watching it)

Donnie: I think it works.

Rebecca: Got to the point.

Donnie: Yeah.

(credits, instead of Aung Lang Syne, it's a slower, dark western-rock riff)

(cut to the writing room, Donnie's optimistic as usual)

Donnie: So how'd we do?

Tacoma: Well they liked the brevity of it?

Donnie: Perfect!

Tacoma: But they thought it was short on story.

Donnie: What's to complain about? A guy orders a pizza, he gets it.

Tacoma: I know we called it Taken And Delivered, but I think we delivered a little too quickly.

Rebecca: I knew we should have had the pizza arrive late, it would have built tension.

Tacoma: I just don't think ransoming a pizza is much to hinge a plot on.

Rebecca: Maybe if it was a lasagna?

Tacoma: Or a human!

Rebecca: Ick! This isn't Silence Of The Lambs.

Tacoma: Actually, Hannibal Lector delivering pizzas isn't such a bad idea.

Donnie: We'll save it for Christmas. Anyway, we got Thanksgiving coming up. Now in honor of the occasion, I was thinking something timeless, classic and a little nostalgic. Let's say... Wreck It Ralph.

Tacoma: (gently) Hey! Let's say... no.

Donnie: What? Why not?

Tacoma: It's Thanksgiving, Donnie.

Donnie: So?

Tacoma: We have a life!

Rebecca: We're tired, we could use the day off.

Donnie: (knowingly) Oh, and what are you gonna do on Thanksgiving?

Tacoma: ...stuff.

Donnie: And you?

Rebecca: (deer in headlights) More stuff.

Donnie: You guys don't have anything planned do you?

Tacoma: Don’t you have a wife?

Donnie: She’s with relatives.

Rebecca: Then, why are you here?

Donnie: (now it's his turn to look beaten) It was part of the... pre-nup.

Tacoma: And, what about your family-

Donnie: They were part of the pre-nup too.

Rebecca: That’s one big pre-nup.

Donnie: Yeah, it was kind of a big family affair! Everybody was invited to talk about it, except...me. (sad sympathetic pause) But it doesn't matter, you're the only thing I got, so please?

Tacoma: Tell you what, if we can't find something else to do, we'll do it. But that's not a guarantee.

Rebecca: And we will find something to do.

(cut to The Parental Disappointment Tango)

Tacoma: (on the phone) Hey mom! No, it's me. No, the other one. Um, that's your cousin. ...sister.

Rebecca: C'mon skype, don't fail me now. [skype loads, types] Mom, Dad, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? [beep] Paris? Don't suppose you have- [beep] “in case you're wondering we don't have an extra ticket”.

Tacoma: Niece. Dog! Yes!, yes, hi I just figured that we should... no. No! I shouldn't have to pay to talk to my own mother. Yeah, alright, that seems fine, 99 cents for the first minute, 2 dollars for each additional minute.

Rebecca: “Saw your video online”. Well, as you can see, my acting career is keeping me busy. [beep] “It looks like America's Funniest Home Videos”. Well, at least you laughed?

Tacoma: Yeah, that's fair, go ahead and get an oven timer. [to the camera] She's searching her kitchen. And searching. And search- this could take a minute, let me check my bank account.

Rebecca: “Was it supposed to be a comedy?” Yes! “Needs work.” Love you too. (sits back in sad)

Tacoma: ...I think I hear a lawn-mower.

(cut the two of them depressed on a couch)

Rebecca: Can I ask you something?

Rebecca: Is this really what you thought you'd be doing with your life?

Tacoma: My family never thought so.

Rebecca: You don't talk about them much.

Tacoma: (fondly) My dad was into sports medical equipment, they called him the Jockstrap King.

Rebecca: Did you work for him?

Tacoma: For a while. You see the thing is, I was an investigative journalist.

Rebecca: Really?

Tacoma: Oh yeah, fresh out of college I won my first Pulitzer. Exposed one of the biggest Ponzi schemes in the specific North West. Even sent the ringleader to jail.

Rebecca: Your father must have been so proud.

Tacoma: My father was the ringleader.

Rebecca: Oh.

Tacoma: Yeah, apparently the world of jockstraps is a seedy den of sin and corruption.

Rebecca: Well do you still talk to them?

Tacoma: Holidays, mostly. Which is really awkward. Dinner usually ends up with my cousin throwing congealed cranberry sauce in my face. And balls.

Rebecca: Ew.

Tacoma: Yeah, especially as we don't get those free jockstraps anymore. (changes the subject) Anyway how about your family?

Rebecca: Oh, mine? They don't agree with my career choices.

Tacoma: Which one?

Rebecca: All of them.

Tacoma: Well, some people take a while to figure out what job is right for them...

Rebecca: That's what I said! But apparently 42 is their limit.

Tacoma: At least you're not hurting anybody. And that's why I like it here. This place is kinda removed from the rest of reality.

(as if on cue, Donnie comes out dressed as Ralph with a monster hand)

Donnie: Hey, uh, does this look like Wreck It Ralph's hand? I dunno, it kinda looks like Wreck It Ralph if he got bit by vampire witches. Tacoma, invent vampire witches.

(he leaves again)

Tacoma: Really removed from the rest of reality.

(Rebecca laughs, pats him on the shoulder and makes to leave too)

Rebecca: I hope things work out with your family.

(and off she goes, sad pause)

Tacoma: (to himself) Me too.

(cut to Donnie checking his phone again, Tacoma and Rebecca come in)

Tacoma: Alright, Donnie, you've got us. Here's what I got so far.

Donnie: Wonderful.

Rebecca: Donnie, I don't think I can do this.

Donnie: What, why not?

Rebecca: I can't play a character from a game called Sugar Rush, I'm exhausted. The tenants had me up all night watching the place, something about bad blood and the Kitalian...

Donnie: Okay, look, we're a professional film crew thingy production, I'm sure we can find someone to spike the tea.

(cut to Carl-cam, carrying a squicky looking cup)

Carl: And this is for our cranky Fraulein.

Rebecca: There isn't caffeine in it, right? I can't do caffeine.

Tacoma: Why not?

Rebecca: It would be bad.

Carl: Nonsense, this is perfectly safe.

Tacoma: What's in it?

Carl: Brunhilde's Brunbrau. (I think?)

Rebecca: It's... chewy.

Carl: Oh ja, you may need this. (drops a fork beside her)

(the boys go out of the room while Rebecca forces the concoction down her throat)

Tacoma: So, what's in it?

Carl: Imported Turkish coffee, three Red Bulls, a pound of sugar, and my secret weapon: Luftwaffe Lozenges.

Tacoma: What?

Carl: Methamphetamines.

Tacoma: (horrified) What?!

Carl: We used to give them to our pilots to keep them in the air for three days. One of these and she'll be riding like the Valkyries.

Tacoma: How many did you put in there?

Carl: Enough.

(Rebecca freezes and her head falls down on the desk)

Tacoma: Jesus, man! (goes to help her but Carl stops him)

Carl: Wait five seconds. Eins, zwei, drei, veir and...

(cheery music starts, just assume that whenever Rebecca talks from now on she's manic and jumping around)

Rebecca: What are you guys doing standing around for? Let's shoot this f*cker!

Tacoma: Now?

Rebecca: Yeah! Can get it done in like twenty minutes!

Tacoma: You don't even have the script memorized.

Rebecca: (after hitting her head against the folder) Done!

Tacoma: Bullcrap. Scene 12, Line 3.

Rebecca: "Come on Ralph! We can do it if we really try!"

Tacoma: That's correct...

Rebecca: Course it is! But why you guys talking to me over here when I'm already over there?

(indeed she is, she moonwalks out)

Tacoma: That's amazing!

Carl: That's German engineering.

(cut to parody, Donnie is Wreck It Ralph)

Ralph: Well now that I've left the world of copyrighted characters, perhaps I can relax for a while without paying through the nose. Say, what's the name of this 'ere place? "Sugar Rush", by God, it's like Candyland farted out Mario Kart. (comes across Rebecca as the Glitch, she's twitchy) Oh hey, little girl, what's your name?

Glitch/Rebecca: I’MJUSTAGLITCHGLITCHGLITCH YESYOUARE NOI’MNOT YOURJUSTAMISTAKE AHA ABUGINOURPERFECTLITTLEWORLD YOUDON’TBELONGHERE THAT’SNOTFAIR YOUNEEDWORK INEEDWORK YOUNEEDWORK NOTASMUCHASYOU STOPIT WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK HELLOSWEETIEWHATHAVEYOUDONEWITHYOURLIFE SHUTUPMOM! (pants)

Ralph: Well I'm Ralph!

(cut back to behind the scenes)

Donnie: Boy Rebecca, I gotta say, you've really got this Glitch character down, you're so hyper and energized.

Rebecca: Yeah yeah yeah go go go!

Donnie: Well I don't know where any of that was in the script but at the same time it's good to give every character a backstory. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna check out the props for the Hero's Duty scene, why don't you look over the bit for the commander okay?

Rebecca: I can hear the people sing lost in the valley of the night!

Donnie: ...okay!

(cut to Turkey cam, the boys are looking down on it)

Carl: As requested, one angry bird.

Quinn: Aye, that's one angry looking bird.

Donnie: It's a turkey.

Carl: (in standard Donnie's-an-idiot voice) Ja.

Donnie: Okay, that works. (he leaves)

Tacoma: Uh, w-hat are you gonna do with a turkey?

Carl: Herr Director wants an angry bird for his video game movie.

Quinn: Something about flying aliens.

Tacoma: Why is there a camera on its head?

Carl: So when we launch it via catapult, we can get its point of view. Oh ja, you will believe a turkey can fly.

Tacoma: That doesn't sound very PETA-friendly.

Carl: We have ein net.

Quinn: Trust us, we've done this plenty of times before. (Tacoma starts to protest) The answer will only make you cry.

(cut to tried-parody, Tacoma is Felix and Rebecca is the - even twitchier - commander)

Felix: Oh boy, these hi-def video games sure are different from my 8-bit world. What should we do, dynamite gal?

Commander/Rebecca: Shoot the angry old man! 

Felix: Um, what?

Commander/Rebecca: You heard me!

Felix: I think you meant Angry Birds.

Commander/Rebecca: YOUI DON'T KNOW ME!

Felix: I think we should...

Commander/Rebecca: SHUT UP DAD!

Tacoma: Donnie!

Donnie: Cut!

(cut back to behind the scenes, Tacoma's hiding from the crazy girl)

Donnie: Uh, Rebecca, I don't know what angle you're going with, but the commander is a badass leader who sticks to the script, so why don't we try that okay?

Rebecca: Your words become colors when they leave your lips.

Donnie: Kay...

(cut back to tried parody)

Felix: So I hear you were married?

Commander/Rebecca: OH YOU’D LIKE THAT WOULDN’T YOU?! LITTLE MISS PERFECT BEING SOME DOCTOR’S HOUSEWIFE. YOU WANT A MEATLOAF WHILE YOU’RE AT IT?!

Felix: Yes, no...

Donnie: Cut!

(try again)

Felix: So aliens attacked your wedding.

Commander/Rebecca: Sure it wasn't one of the many school plays you missed?

Donnie Cuuut.

(try again!)

Felix: So you were never married.

Commander/Rebecca: OF COURSE NOT! BECAUSE YOU NEVER LIKED ANYONE I BROUGHT HOME! ADMIT IT! ADMIT IT!

Tacoma: Who are you talking to?!

Donnie: Cuuuut.

(and again)

Rebecca: Maybe if you didn't leave me in the same room with Uncle Frank for twenty minutes I'd be more normal!

Tacoma: Wait, what?

Donnie: (has had enough) Cut!

(final time)

Rebecca: I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... scared! (she breaks down and weeps on Tacoma's chest)

Tacoma: (softly) I think we should cut.

(cut to behind the scenes, Rebecca's pacing and the boys are off worried in another room)

Donnie: What do you think we should do?

Tacoma: I think our only hope is have a sit-down with Uncle Frank.

Donnie: But what we going to do with the scene?

Rebecca: Travel back in time with a time machine made out of my nose hairs with a backwards yodeling ukulele player.

(Donnie gets his Ed Wood idea face, Tacoma groans)

Donnie: I think it fits in.

(cut back to turkey cam, Carl is talking to himself)

Carl: I don't understand why there is all this hatred for Thanksgiving. Feasting, drinking, getting together and being miserable to each other, those are proper German values. (he turns to the camera) And of course there's also the animals to be bred and slaughtered, and das ist where you come in, mein freund. (he turns back, and the turkey wobbles until she gets out)

Carl: Scheiße! She ist escaped!

(cut to Carl and Quinn loading their weapons)

Carl: We have to keep a lid on this.

Quinn: Agreed.

Carl: We'll use this Alien-style tracking device.

Quinn: Where'd we get that?

Carl: We stole it from Planet Hollywood. Remember? Cinco De Mayo.

Quinn: Oh yeah. That was some epic drinking.

Carl: Seht gut. Let's go!

(cut to Donnie learning his lines while Carl and Quinn sneak past, more sneaking around until Carl enters the main room)

Carl: Scheiße! She got into ze power. How did she get so high?

(he finds her in the corridor and talks into his Walky-Talky)

Carl: Come in, Quinn.

Quinn: Carl! What is it?

Carl: I found her, Quinn. She's staring at me.

Quinn: She's an ugly little bugger isn't she?

Carl: I think she can hear you, Quinn.

Quinn: Don't move, I'm coming!

(she attacks! Carl screams a lot and Quinn finds him on the floor with bird-shit on his face)

Quinn: Carl! What happened?

Carl: She shat on me.

Quinn: Can you move?

Carl: I feel like a statue of Lenin.

Quinn: Nobody puts her arse on my friend, I'm gonna go get her! (he runs off)

Carl: Nein, Quinn, it's too dangerous!

(cut to the attempted parody, Tacoma and Donnie have been successful at calming Rebecca down slightly, though she's still twitchy)

Commander/Rebecca: I got engaged, aliens attacked my wedding, I fended them off, and last but not least-

(Carl literally bursts in)

Carl: We have ein problem!

Rebecca: And it's gone forever.

(Donnie frustrated-tears shouts "cut!" while Tacoma facepalms)

(cut to Tacoma dabbing Carl's face with a tissue)

Tacoma: Just a little more... (Carl grabs the tissues, annoyed) okay.

Donnie: So let me get this straight, my stunt-bird is roaming free throughout the studio?

Carl: Ja.

Donnie: Well, where's Quinn?

(the Irish shouting and crashing answers that)

Carl: The kitchen!

(cut to the kitchen, Quinn is on the floor singing Danny Boy)

Carl (holds his hand) Be still. (gets up) It's as I feared, he has contracted Vampiric Bird Flu.

Tacoma: Wait, what kind of turkey sucks blood and gives you the flu?

Carl: Only the most cheapest of birds imported from the most disease-infested dirt-farms tended by the shadiest of gypsies in all of Romania.

Tacoma: And where'd you get this one from?

Carl: That is privileged information. Suffice to say, it was a pretty good deal.

Tacoma: (showing Donnie a receipt saying "imported from Transylvania") Huh.

Donnie: Wait, how come you're not infected?

Carl: I'm German, it will take it a while to defeat my iron blood. But when it does...

Donnie: What then?

Carl : Ever see Downfall, about the last days of Hitler?

Donnie: Yeah?

Carl: That.

Donnie: Well, what do we do? Where is it now?

Mob boss: Hey, what's that?

Rebecca: The tenants! My bosses! Eeeee!

(she, Tacoma and Donnie run out to the main room to listen)

Mob boss: Hey, did someone order a turkey?

Mob boss: What the hell is it doing?

(screaming, gobbling and gunfire)

Rebecca: Oh good, I thought they were in trouble.

Tacoma: Donnie, we've gotta stop it.

Donnie: No, Carl has to stop it.

Tacoma: I'll help him.

Donnie: No, I need you to write the final speech for Wreck It Ralph, you have to find a way to tie everything back into the Thanksgiving spirit.

Tacoma: Thanksgiving sucks! It's nothing but a bunch of like-minded individuals getting together and judging everyone because it makes themselves feel big. We have the internet for that. Besides, that's what the holiday is about, helping our fellow ger-man.

Donnie: Ugh, fine. Rebecca, you and I are finishing the movie together.

Rebecca: But Donnie, is he also Fix It Felix? How we gonna get around that?

(cut to parody)

Ralph: So Fix-It-Felix Junior, I see that to spite me, you've changed your skin color from white to black back to white again and then grew a goatee very similar to mine just to make me more angry that you look like me.

Felix: (obviously played by Donnie) All of what you just said is true.

Ralph: Well I have purpose now. There's a little girl who wants to win a race and I'm gonna help her. Isn't that right, little- (he can't find her, Rebecca's squealing pops up on the soundtrack)

Donnie: How the hell did you get on the ceiling?

(cut to a coughing Carl helping Tacoma get into military gear)

Tacoma: I wish you could go with me.

Carl: I am too sick.

Tacoma: But what if I fail?

Carl: Don't worry, you are in the military now. Should you die, someone will come and replace you. Now go, mein friend. (dope slap)

Tacoma: Ow! (leaves)

Carl: Raus!  Und fear no bird.

(cut to Tacoma cam)

Tacoma: Okay, I'm not too sure what turkey steps sound like, but I'm pretty sure I heard them back there. I know you're out there you buzzard bastard! Show yourself! (the lights go out) What the hell? She cut the power? Son of a bitch, she cut the power! How can they do that, they're animals! (trips over and falls) What is this sticky shi- (the camera turns to see a giant number of eggs, he runs off and comes face to face with the turkey. cue screaming and we go over to Donnie/Rebecca)

Donnie/Ralph: Look, Princess Peach just gave birth.

Rebecca/Glitch: Peaches are fuzzy.

(Rebecca runs off)

Rebecca: Carl! Where's Tacoma?

Carl: (as the camera swings to see Tacoma slumped by the fridge) Uh...

Tacoma: Swing low, sweet chariot.

Rebecca: That's it! I'm going in!

(cut to her loading her gun by herself cos she's a badass and you should love her)

Carl: Do not worry, should you die, someone will come and replace you.

Rebecca: Really?

Carl: Nein, you are our last hope.

Rebecca: What about Donnie?

Carl: As I said, you are our last hope.

Rebecca: Right! I'm ready! Let's do this! Let's do this!

Carl: Sehr gut. Now you will need this device to- (no she doesn't cos she's off screaming and shooting already)

(cut back to parody)

Donnie/Ralph: Well now I have this big empty building to myself, I can take the time to contemplate in silence. (gunfire) Complete and total silence. (gunfire and manic screaming starts and continues, Donnie gets louder to compensate) The serenity I have right now will be so unbelievable so I can meditate on my exact thoughts in the situat- (gives up) What is going on?!

(cut to Carl looking even sicker)

Carl: Captain's log. Second hour. They have entered the sad stage, the Goebbels.

(Tacoma and Quinn babble while Donnie enters)

Donnie: What's going on here? Where's Rebecca?

Carl: Running around in circles, no doubt.

(and she is, but Donnie has just noticed Tacoma's illness so who cares?)

Donnie: (already in tears) Tacoma! Tacoma!

Tacoma: Donnie... (grabs onto his shirt, and yes it's as amazingly homoerotic as it sounds) the script...

Donnie: No no, it's okay, don't worry about it don't worry about it.

Tacoma: No, it's done. Make the speech. It may need a little work but...

Donnie: No... it's perfect.

Tacoma: Then film it.

Donnie: No. No! I can't leave you!

Tacoma: No, it's fine. All I've ever wanted was to make somebody proud. Finish the story.

(Donnie dives in for a hug and kisses his head)

Donnie: I shall avenge you!

Tacoma: Go! Go!

Carl: (as Donnie finally leaves) Wait! How are you going to finish it with just yourself!

(we'll see, as cut back to parody with Donnie playing every character)

Ralph: So! The mastermind behind the whole video-game takeover was...

Mario: That's right. It's me! Mario!

Ralph: But why?

Glitch: (rushes in) Because he feels the need to be in every single game no matter how pointless!

Mario: That's right! And this time you have no more of the nose-hairs to make the time machine!

Ralph: Oh backwards yodeling science, you failed us. What are we gonna do, Felix?

Felix: (rushes in) I don't know! What are we gonna do, Glitch?

Glitch: (panting) I don't know! What are we gonna do, Commander lady?

Commander/Donnie: (about to collapse) I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We... were... just die. (shoots Mario dead) Where's the Tylenol?

(cut to Carl singing a sad German song, he glares at the camera and shuts it off)

(epic choir music starts playing as we go back to Donnie in front of a sunset for the parody ending, he's been crying)

Ralph/Donnie: My friends. As we celebrate another year, let us not forget those who we have cast aside.

(slams on the kitchen door, Tacoma looks scared)

Ralph/Donnie: Sure, a lot of us have made mistakes in the past. But in the end, what we're fighting for, isn't a medal, isn't a race, isn't for a gold coin. It's fighting for our friends.

(back to the kitchen)

Tacoma: Think we're safe?

Carl: Unless she's figured out how to open doors.

(the doorknob turns and Tacoma lunges over to keep it shut)

Tacoma: You just had to say it, didn't you?

(back to Donnie)

Ralph/Donnie: And you know those friends. They're the people you can always be with, even at times when nobody seems to be. And when those people look at those lonely souls, and decide that even though nobody else wants them, that they'll still come together, just for the sake of being together. That's when you know, you have more than just friends. You have a family.

(the turkey's preparing to attack)

Tacoma: Alright, listen, I don't even know this asshole. I don't even eat turkey, I'm a vegetarian!

Carl: You can sell out your comrades.

(back to Donnie)

Ralph/Donnie: It may not always be the best family, but it's okay. Because it's your family. Because in the end, they realize that I am bad, and that's good. (vo-ing over Tacoma cowering and Carl lighting a cigar) I'm not good, and that's not bad.

Carl: Welcome bird-demon. You have traveled far to collect a debt. But I will go down with my shipmates, a lifetime of killing all creatures, great and small finally atoned for.

(back to Donnie)

Ralph/Donnie: Because when you get down to it, what is family?

(enter Rebecca, the scene cuts between the two)

Rebecca: Hey turkey! Gobble this! (the glorious beatdown starts)

Ralph/Donnie: Family is love. (beatdown) Family is kindness. (screaming beatdown) Family is friendship. (beatdown) Family is the need to help all living creatures. (manic laughing beatdown) And I'm proud to be in this family.

(the soundtrack rocks the fuck out as a dying turkey gazes up at Rebecca)

Rebecca: Happy Thanksgiving, motherclucker. (and then she kicks it dead)

(the music turns to violins as Donnie arrives on the scene, Rebecca is covered in blood and feathers)

Donnie: Holy smokes, what the hell happened here?

Rebecca: I killed the turkey.

Donnie: That's great, where is it?

Rebecca: I think I ate it.

Donnie: You ate the turkey?

Rebecca: I don't know, it's all a little blurry, I think I'm on a sugar crash.

Tacoma: Or a food coma. That's like six pounds of triptafen.

Rebecca: I may have also eaten some eggs.

Carl: 700 pounds to be exact!

Tacoma: Donnie, did you finish the script?

Donnie: Yeah. Yeah I finished it.

Tacoma: What a way to celebrate Thanksgiving, huh?

Donnie: Yeah.

Tacoma: Now what?

(Rebecca cries over her eaten enemy, and we cut to the five having dinner. Rebecca's TV dinner, you'll notice, is all potato)

Donnie: Dear Lord, please bless this bountiful TV dinner and the many preservatives that went into making it. May it nourish us and (picks up the box) apparently help us survive a nuclear blast, amen.

Everyone: Amen.

(Rebecca freezes and passes out on the couch, Tacoma and Donnie look concerned over at Carl)

Carl: She'll be fine, just give her six weeks.

(credits)

(creepy music starts as a white silhouette on a black background starts talking)

SWAG Leader: Greetings, internet. I am the leader of SWAG, the Swede Actor's Guild. We specialize in remaking movies inspired by the cinematic not-blockbuster Be Kind Rewind. I come here, not to reward, but to punish an organization that has threatened our very existence. Demo Reel. These hacks, led by one Donnie DuPre, represent a grave threat to the guild, besides being really sucky, even by our standards. They have continued to thumb their noses at us. Hacks like these give us a bad name. They cheapen the very cheap foundation of which our art is based. That is why you must heed my warning, avoid Demo Reel at all costs, and destroy Donnie DuPre. That is all. (in sweet voice) Oh, and also join us this Thursday for our annual SWAG potluck. There will be a raffle, so bring your cash and your sense of fun. That is all. Again.