June 20, 2017
(The 2017 NC opening plays)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Well, we got a little bit of a tradition going on here. Every single time a DC film comes out, I always have to review it, because, let's face it, DC films give you hope...the hope that one day, they'll actually make a good DC film. (An audience boos, while a smirking NC stands up and shakes his butt at the camera; his pants have the words "DC Sux" written on them) DC movies suck! DC movies suck! DC movies-- (He is suddenly whipped on the butt by a lasso) OW!
(He turns to see that Wonder Woman (Tamara) has come into the room, holding the lasso)
Wonder Woman: Not anymore.
NC: Wonder Woman! I'm just about to talk about your inevitably crappy movie.
(Wonder Woman uses her lasso to rope NC close to her)
Wonder Woman: That was the old DC. This DC brings back what we loved about our classic heroes.
NC: Okay. Look, Jessie the Cowgirl, I heard this shtick before. "Oh, this is the DC film that's gonna change everything! This one's actually good! But the trailer looks so great!" Well, you know what? I'm not falling for it! The only film I'm getting excited for this year is The Emoji Movie!
Wonder Woman: What?
NC: What? (Realizes he's holding the lasso) Damn Lasso of Truth!
Wonder Woman: Come with me, and I'll show you I'm the hero that the DC movies have been waiting for.
NC: (Sighs) Are you sure about this?
Wonder Woman: Did the creator of Wonder Woman also create the lie detector?
NC: I don't know. Did he?
Wonder Woman: He did.
NC: He did?
Wonder Woman: Yeah.
NC: Huh. The more you know. (NC and Wonder Woman both smile at the camera as the caption "The More You Know" is shown with a comet) Okay, but give me a second. I gotta do the intro here first.
Wonder Woman: Well, what am I supposed to do?
NC: I don't know. Get us hyped up with a tonally inappropriate yet amazingly awesome electric guitar theme? (Wonder Woman nods, grabs an electric guitar, and starts playing a rocking tune, while NC stands next to her) You may be awesome, but you're not "Wonder Woman playing electric guitar" awesome! (He starts dancing as Wonder Woman continues playing)
(Various comic book images of Wonder Woman, as well as images of both DC animated shows and movies, are shown)
NC (vo): Wonder Woman has been a popular icon since the 40s, being one of DC's Top 3 most marketable brands. Yet while their Top 2 most popular brands, Batman and Superman, have gotten several movies and cinematic suicide notes in the past, Wonder Woman has been strangely absent. She had a hit TV series in the 1970s... (Footage of that show is shown) Hey, you may be cool, but you're not "Wonder Woman skating with appropriate helmet and knee pads" cool! (Cut back to an image of Wonder Woman in the animated Justice League) ...and made a few appearances in animation, but a cinematic movie never happened. Hell, they would make a film out of (poster of...) Steel with Shaq before giving her her own movie.
(A Marvel Cinematic Universe image is shown, before showing images of Wonder Woman in the DC Extended Universe)
NC (vo): But with cinematic universes being all the rage and DC trying to catch up with Marvel's success, they debuted the character in Batman v Superman, and she was said by many to be one of the few saving graces of the film. But could her kick-ass cameo translate well enough to make a big hit with audiences and critics?
(NC sits back down on his desk)
NC: Well, let's take a look and find out. This is... (Notices there are two signs flying next to him, one saying "Anti-Feminist" and the other saying "Anti-Men") What-what-what is this? What?
(Holding the "Anti-Feminist" sign are Social Justice Peck (Rob) and his assistant (Heather) from the Ghostbusters review)
Peck: Hah! This movie is not nearly feminist enough, and we need to talk about it!
(Holding the "Anti-Men" sign with a fishing line are the Meninists (Malcolm, Jim and Jason) from the Mad Max: Fury Road review)
Meninist Malcolm: We have to talk about how if this movie isn't good, it'll end all female superhero movies!
Meninists Jason and Jim: YEAH!
NC: No, no, no! Forget it! I'm not grabbing any of your complain bait!
Peck: But there is so much to get needlessly upset about.
NC: Now look! (Grabs the signs) Other people can talk about the political, social, equal, not-equal, whatever issues. I just want to judge this movie as a movie. So piss off!
Peck: But as a feminist, I am deeply insulted!
Heather: I actually thought that the movie was pretty good.
Peck: Shut up. I'm being offended for you.
Peck: We need to talk about...
(Suddenly, Wonder Woman uses her lasso to attack Peck and Heather, causing them to run away. Wonder Woman then attacks the Meninists, also causing them to run away. NC grabs the lasso, pleased)
NC: Hey! Thanks, Wonder Woman! You fight for my right to wear satin tights! (Wonder Woman becomes confused. NC realizes he's holding the lasso and lets go of it) Damn Lasso of Truth! Now everybody knows!
Wonder Woman: Yeah, I don't think you could pull that off.
NC: Just start the review!
Wonder Woman: Right.
(She uses her spinning power to transport us to the reenacted movie. We are first shown a young Diana Prince at her island home)
NC (vo): We start off with our main character, Diana, as a child on the island of... (The caption "Themyscira" is shown as NC struggles to pronounce it) that...as she's raised by a society of Amazon women, who enjoy their bright, colorful landscapes and the beautiful...
(Diana and her mother, Queen Hippolyta (Aylanna), and her aunt Antiope (Heather), are shown standing proudly in the bright landscape of Themyscira, before Superman (Rob Scallon) and Batman (Doug) suddenly walk into the scene)
Superman: No, no, uh-uh, mm-mm.
Batman: Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
NC: (Annoyed) Oh, God. (Does a face-palm)
Superman: What is this? Color? It's stupid, dude.
Batman: Yeah, yeah. And what's that? The sun? What DC movie have you been watching? (To Superman) Hey, can you get rid of that for me?
Superman: Yeah, I'm on it. (He flies off to the sun and destroys it off-screen, turning the landscape into dark) No more sun.
Batman: All right, out of the way. Out of the way. I'm gonna make some changes here. (Literally jumps out of the Adobe Premiere Pro video screen, as Fur Elise starts playing) All right, all right, all right. (Walks to the color filter section, and turns off "Radiant color" to replace it with "Lifeless mush", "Puke brown", and "Grainy as shit") There we go. Much better, much better.
(The entire Themyscira landscape, as well as NC's room, has been turned into dark colors. Batman and Superman walk back into the scene, feeling proud of themselves)
Batman: Now that's how you do a DC film.
Superman: It felt a bit naked for a while there.
(Superman and Batman do a fist bump, as Diana, Hippolyta and Antiope, as well as NC, become annoyed)
Hippolyta: Will you get out of here? We are trying to do something different and better.
Batman: Oh, I'm sorry we're not Marvel.
Antiope: You can do something different and better and not be like Marvel.
(Superman and Batman are stunned)
Batman: I didn't know that.
(Several arrows fire on Batman and Superman, forcing them to leave)
Batman: Piss off, She-Ra!
(We cut to Diana being told a story by Queen Hippolyta, holding a book called "Mother Goose's Vengeful Gods")
NC (vo): Diana's mother, the queen of the Amazons, explains the history of where they came from.
(As Hippolyta tells the story, we are shown Photoshopped images of Zeus and Ares)
Hippolyta: Long ago, the god Zeus told the god Ares not to try and overthrow him. Ares agreed, but he was totes lying, and Zeus was like, "Bitch, I am Zeus", and he threw his Ares-gant ass out. (Zeus' wife throws Ares away (with the Wilhelm Scream being heard), and Ares gets crushed by a Monty Python foot) To make sure a psychotic monster like that never took over again, Zeus created the Amazons, and then he destroyed the Electoral College.
Diana: And I get to be an Amazon when I grow up.
Hippolyta: No, because I sculpted you from clay and brought you to life.
Hippolyta: No, but it's easier than telling you where babies really come from.
Diana: But I want to be a warrior!
(Antiope comes in)
Antiope: She's right, sister. She's a frustrated princess, longing for more and going against her parents' wishes. If we stay this route, we'll be a Disney movie.
Hippolyta: Well, only if she saves a handsome man from the sea.
Antiope: Let me train her.
Antiope: You must!
Antiope: Wow, that was fast.
Hippolyta: It's a two-and-a-half hour movie, yo. We gotta move it along.
Antiope: Okay, good point.
(We see Diana being trained by Antiope)
NC (vo): So Diana is trained as an Amazon, but her mother is afraid she'll find out the truth about who she is. The nice thing is, this is a DC origin story where not everything is told in the beginning. They save some of it as a mystery, a mystery that's answered in one movie rather than the sequel.
(After Antilope hits Diana's wristguards, causing her to be sent flying, Hippolyta appears)
Hippolyta: Don't ask about that.
Diana: I really think that I should.
Hippolyta: It's a two-and-a-half hour movie. People take bathroom breaks.
Diana: Okay, okay.
(A plane suddenly crashes into the island)
NC (vo): But Diana sees a plane crash into the sea and saves the pilot inside.
(Diana meets the plane's pilot Steve Trevor, who's played by Malcolm)
Diana: You're a man.
Steve: Yes. I'm World War I pilot Steve Trevor.
Diana: (Confused) Really? You're World War I pilot Steve Trevor? I just...I thought you'd be more Chris Pine-ish.
Steve: Look, there's not a lot of black people in this movie. If we played it for real, the only role that I'd have is the black Amazon.
(Diana turns to see Hippolyta and Antiope being joined by Acantha, also played by Malcolm. This creeps Diana out)
Diana: It's a good thing I saved you from that fake CGI effect.
Steve: Oh, don't worry. There's much more of those in this movie. Just look at this slow-mo bullet from an enemy soldier who followed me.
(A German soldier (Jim) appears alongside another soldier (Doug) and fires his gun. The bullet flies through in slow-motion, allowing Diana to grab it and look at it)
Diana: Huh. Yeah, that is really fake. Okay.
(She lets the bullet go, but it ends up hitting Antiope in the chest)
Antiope: Well, a lot good that training did!
(She falls down to the ground)
Diana: Auntie! Oh! If only there was some way I could deflect bullets!
(Antiope raises her head up)
(Antiope ends up getting shot in the head)
(Several arrows fire on the German soldiers, scaring them away. We cut to Steve being held and interrogated by the Amazons, with Antiope, the Amazon who got shot, wearing a sign that says "Different Person")
NC (vo): So they use the Lasso of Truth on Steve to find out all about the great war.
Diana: Could this be the work of our sworn enemy Ares?
Steve: I...can't prove that it's not.
Diana: Mother, we have to stop him and his evil ways.
Hippolyta: No. Mankind is much too violent and dangerous. We're better off serving our crazy gods, who are so bloodthirsty, we literally have one named the God of War.
Diana: Steve, is there anything you're not telling us? They'll kill you if you don't confess.
Steve: Truth be told, I'm okay with that. I've always fantasized I would die on an island full of nothing but Amazon women. I just never thought it would actually happen. Though I could do without...that. (Looks at Acantha, who winks at Steve, creeping him out) Why did I agree to film that?
(We see Diana stealing a large sword (with The Legend of Zelda's "Item Get" jingle) and attempting to help Steve escape)
NC (vo): Diana doesn't listen, though, and she steals the sword of ultimate power, known as the God-Killer, and saves Steve from his prison to get him back to the war. But she's stopped by her mother.
(Diana and Steve are caught by Hippolyta, Acantha and the "Different Person" Amazon)
Hippolyta: Diana, what are you doing?
Diana: I'm off, Mother. I'm going to defeat Ares, fight in the great war, and become the hero that everyone will soon call Wonder Woman.
Hippolyta: No one will call you that.
Hippolyta: No one will call you that, like, nobody.
Diana: You mean they never worked that in, not even as a joke?
Diana: (Frowns) Oh, my God. We're gonna be Fan4stic. They never said their name either! We're gonna be Fan4stic?! (She hyperventilates) Oh, my God!
Hippolyta: We're not going to be Fan4stic. Nothing can be as bad as Fan4stic. Just breathe.
Diana: Okay. (Takes deep breaths and calms down)
Hippolyta: I still think it's a bad idea for you to go. I'm the Queen of the Amazons, and I say you are not an Amazon.
Diana: Then...technically, you're not my queen, and I don't have to do what you say.
Hippolyta: Hmm...true. Okay, bye!
(She and the "Different Person" Amazon leave. Acantha winks at Steve)
Steve: (Groans) I can't believe I filmed that twice.
(And we go to a commercial)
(When we return, we see General Ludendorff (Rob) and Dr. Poison (Heather) in a laboratory)
NC (vo): This leads us to the film's villain, General Ludendorff and his partner Dr. Poison, who's kinda like an alternate version of Michael Crawford's Phantom of the Opera. Half the face is covered, the acting is over-the-top, and the voice is clearly that of a woman.
Dr. Poison: General, send in the next subject!
NC (vo): These two are trying to create a gas that can kill someone even if he wears a gas mask. Steve is aware of this and tries to get the information to war council member Sir Patrick.
(Diana and Steve are at a library, meeting with Sir Patrick (Doug))
Sir Patrick: Tell me, Trevor. Who is this young woman?
Diana: Diana, princess of Themyscira-
Steve: Prince. Diana Prince is her name.
Sir Patrick: Really? Because it sounded like she said Princess of Thermyscira.
Sir Patrick: D-Did you think I would just miss that part?
Steve: Uh, it's her maiden name.
Sir Patrick: Really?
Sir Patrick: Cess of Thermyscira is her maiden name?
Steve: It's foreign.
Sir Patrick: And she says it after her merry name?
Steve: It's just how they do things where she's from. Are you racist?
Sir Patrick: Well, it's 1918, so, yes.
NC: And, of course, we gotta put up with the sexual prejudice that you would expect.
Sir Patrick: Mr. Trevor, you know a woman is not allowed in this room of men.
NC: And it goes on and on, being super-preachy...
Sir Patrick: But never mind all that. You want to go stop Dr. Poison and take her with you? Go right ahead. Have fun!
NC: (Surprised) Oh. That was...refreshingly quick. (Tries to remain critical) Um, well, you know the "fish out of water" comedy's gonna go on and on!
(Cut to Steve and Diana outside a store)
Steve: Did you try on those big dresses?
Diana: Yes, but I did not like them.
Steve: Okay, let's go.
(They walk away. NC is again surprised)
NC: Huh. It's almost like the movie obviously knows we obviously know these obvious to know tricks!
(Images of the film, showing Diana blending into the real world, are shown)
NC (vo): I mean, don't get me wrong. With the time period and setup, both sexism and the "fish out of water" element have to be addressed. But it's not hammered in to the point of annoyance. It's confronted, dealt with, and then they move on to the cool stuff most viewers want to see.
(We see Diana, Steve and his fellow soldiers (Jim, Malcolm and Doug) sitting at a campfire)
NC (vo): In fact, a good chunk of the time is spent with her getting to know the men she's fighting with, making a strong bond to connect with the people she's sworn to protect.
(Batman and Superman suddenly walk into the scene)
Superman: No. No. No. No. No.
Batman: Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
NC: (Annoyed) Goddamn it!
Batman: You're not supposed to actually talk with the people you save. You're supposed to talk about the people you save to show how awesome you are.
Superman: Yeah. Get a stained glass window in here.
Batman: Yeah, check this out!
(A stained glass window image of Jesus is shown next to Superman)
Superman: Symbolism. Jesus. I am Jesus. You're welcome.
Batman: Yeah, that's how it's done, boy! That's how it's done!
(He fist-bumps with Superman as they laugh together. Diana, Steve, and the three men with them become annoyed as Superman and Batman notice them)
Superman: So what future superheroes are they gonna be?
(The three men become confused)
Diana: Those aren't future superheroes. They're just...they're people.
Batman: No. No, no, no, no, no. Let me Bat-splain. You see, every single side character in a superhero movie has to have a superhero spin-off. They gotta be superheroes in a future movie.
Superman: It'll at least be a prequel to Shazam.
Batman: Yeah, yeah. Bare minimum.
(Several arrows fire on Batman and Superman, forcing them to leave again)
Batman: Nyuck, nyuck.
(We see Diana, now in her Wonder Woman getup, out in a battlefield)
NC (vo): This connection to the soldiers and the people suffering builds up perfectly in a truly inspiring scene where Diana breaks orders and walks on to what is now literally "No Man's Land."
(The German soldier (Doug) notices Wonder Woman walking in the battlefield)
German Soldier: General! They're launching a strange und kind of arousing attack!
Wonder Woman: I am Diana, defender of all that is- oh!
(The German soldiers start firing their guns, which Wonder Woman blocks with her shield)
Wonder Woman: Okay, thank you!
(She charges towards the shooting soldiers, using her shield and her garments to block the bullets. Steve watches her, inspired, before grabbing his gun and standing up)
Steve: Come on, men! Don't hide in the tresses like a pussy! Get out there and fight like a pussy!!
(We see Wonder Woman destroy a chapel in the manner of a video game level)
NC (vo): The men rally around her as her God-Killer does exactly that, destroying a chapel, serving as the control base for a town of tortured people.
(An electric guitar riff is heard, before we are shown Diana attempting to kill General Ludendorff, but Steve stops her, but ends up causing General Ludendorff to commence his plan, causing a large missile to destroy a town)
NC (vo): She makes her way to a party to kill General Ludendorff and Dr. Poison, but Steve says it'll result in tons of people dying. Thus, he stops her, resulting in tons of people dying. The very town she saved is now up in gas and smoke. Wonder Woman says "Screw harsh reality! She wants her comic book bullshit back!" So she finds General Ludendorff at his base and tries again to finish him off.
(Wonder Woman confronts General Ludendorff at his base)
Ludendorff: Vhat are you?!
Wonder Woman: Shortening your subscription to life.
(Dr. Poison appears and gives Ludendorff some pills)
Dr. Poison: Here! I made these god pills. Now you can totally fight her! (Walks away while going "ooo!")
Ludendorff: Thank you, Herr Hamburglar! (Takes the god pills, puts them into his nose, and becomes a strong god with the caption "God Strength Unlocked") Hah! Now I'm as strong as you!
(Wonder Woman punches Ludendorff six times, but with each punch, Ludendorff is not harmed)
Ludendorff: Not even a god can stop me now! (Wonder Woman stabs Ludendorff with her sword) But a god with a really sharp object, that'll do!
(Ludendorff dies. Wonder Woman jumps for joy)
Wonder Woman: Good for me!
NC: But, as par for most movies nowadays, there has to be a surprise villain: Ares.
Wonder Woman: Wait, what?
(Behind Wonder Woman is the real Ares, who turns out to be Sir Patrick)
Sir Patrick: Hello.
(Wonder Woman is stunned and confused)
Wonder Woman: This is a joke for the review, right? That's not really the God of War, right?
NC: No, it's totally in the movie. That is the God of War.
(We are shown several clips of Ares using his Sir Patrick form to manipulate the film's two secondary villains)
NC (vo): You see, he didn't cause people to start the war, but he did plant ideas for them to do it well.
Ares: (Speaks to Ludendorff) You know what's awesome? Killing people. Your idea, not mine.
Ludendorff: Killing people would be awesome, and that's my idea, not Ares'.
NC (vo): He creates war through humanity's hunger for violence, and he serves as their muse for creativity.
Ares: (Speaks to Dr. Poison) Have you ever thought of a body-crushing gas for peaceful purposes?
Dr. Poison: I'll create Nickelback!
Ares (off-screen): No! Don't do that! Even I'm not that evil. Just get to the gas...I mean, if it pops in your head, I don't know!
NC: Okay, so here's the thing. As much as I'm sick of the villain being a surprise at the end, it does kind of match this hero's journey.
(Images of Wonder Woman, as well as a comic book image of Ares, are shown)
NC (vo): Wonder Woman thinks it's a simple good vs. evil tale, but discovers things are not so black and white. Hell, even this particular war was not so black and white. So it creates more of a challenge for ethical loyalty. But here's the problem. Ares, the God of freaking War, an entity so powerful, it took on Zeus...
Wonder Woman: ...is a pasty old British guy.
Ares: Hey, I am very intimidating! I once asked to pass the salt, and I didn't say please.
Wonder Woman: You are as intimidating as the Monopoly guy!
Ares: Hey, we used our crappy effects to Photoshop my head on a muscular body!
(Ares' head is shown Photoshopped on a muscular body)
Ares: See? I am totally worth nightmares! And I should know, I had a bad dream last week that I played cricket with no knee-pads. Ho-ho-ho!
Wonder Woman: Oh, enough of this, Professor Plum!
Ares: Oh, I saw myself as a Colonel Mustard.
Wonder Woman: I am going to kill you with my disintegrating sword, and, brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates!
(She attempts to stab him, but Ares uses his hand to disintegrate her sword)
Wonder Woman: Well, what do you know? It disintegrated.
(Ares pushes Wonder Woman out of the window)
Ares: And now, I will show you my real form, which I'm sure you'll be more comfortable with.
(Ares begins transforming into his real form, which appears to be like from the comic book, getting NC excited)
NC: All right, now this is what I'm talking about! This is the Ares from the comic, this is the God of War! This is...
(Ares' real form is shown; he's just wearing a knight's armor and helmet)
NC: (Disappointed) ...still a old British fop!
Ares: Oh, come on. Just because it's this face under all this armor doesn't mean I'm any less cruel! Look, I'm going to throw things at her!
(Ares throws a metal door on Wonder Woman)
Ares: There, you see? That was very intimidating! Fire, lightning, all commanded by a Monty Python character! Come on!
(Steve's plane is shown flying in the sky)
NC (vo): Things don't get any better when Wonder Woman realizes Steve is flying a plane, filled with the poison gas, into the air to blow it up, sacrificing himself.
Steve: Well, it could be worse. Could be killed by a dickless Doomsday.
(Steve fires his gun backwards and the plane explodes)
Wonder Woman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Ares: Oh, wow, that pilot died faster than your 2011 TV series.
(Wonder Woman, enraged, breaks free from the metal door and faces Ares)
Ares: Yes, Diana. Now you realize the sword was never the God-Killer, YOU were the God-Killer! And now, I will kill you with every DC villain's ultimate weapon.
Wonder Woman: And what is that?
Ares: Overwritten dialogue! (Reads a book called "Motivation") "Mankind is inherently evil. It is in their nature to destroy themselves."
(Wonder Woman begins groaning in pain while covering her ears)
Wonder Woman: It's so pretentious! Ugh!
Ares: (Still reading) "There have been systematic changes in social rules..."
(Batman and Superman walk into the scene, happy)
Superman: Hey-hey! Now we're back on track!
Batman: This guy gets it! So long-winded, so needlessly detailed.
Superman: It's like watching a bedtime story from Christopher Nolan and the Wachowskis.
(Ares sees Batman and Superman and becomes annoyed)
Ares: Oh, Christ. Archers!
(Several arrows fire on Batman and Superman, but this time, they just walk away)
Batman: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Superman: Okay, okay, we're heading out.
Batman: You're gonna miss us.
(Ares brings out Dr. Poison)
Ares: Now, Diana, kill the one responsible, symbolically representing how you've given up on humanity, even though you've already killed, like, a bajillion of us already!
(Wonder Woman determines whether to kill Dr. Poison or not, before making her choice)
Wonder Woman: No. I will not kill her, because I have faith in love. But I will kill you for that same faith in love!
Ares: Okay, none of that makes sense. You let her go, you kill me, and somehow you worked love into all that? You are bonkers. (Wonder Woman charges towards Ares) Oh, yes. What are we at? The two-hour, 10-minute mark? Yeah, I should probably die.
(Wonder Woman destroys Ares)
NC (vo): So Diana destroys the Fop of War, and vows to keep the fight for love alive... (Cut to Diana in a room working on a laptop) ...by laying low in France for a hundred years.
NC: Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I totally don't get most of this ending. But for only the last few minutes not to add up instead of the majority of the film, that's a DC miracle!
(Wonder Woman strikes a pose, as a caption is shown saying "Close enough")
NC: And that was Wonder Woman. Is it as good as everybody says it is? Yeah. And...for a reason actually a little different than most superhero films nowadays.
(Images of various DC and Marvel comic books are shown as we begin to head to the closing thought)
NC (vo): See, here’s the thing. When superheroes started, they were gods, icons, the people you looked up to for being better than you. They did the right thing just because it was the right thing.
NC: But after a while, it was becoming old.
NC (vo): They started to seem way too perfect. So superheroes went the more personal route, making it more about the individual, portraying flawed rebels like their readers as opposed to orderly role models like their parents.
NC: And it was great. They got more angsty, more dark, more human than ever before.
(Now we are shown images from the movie)
NC (vo): But something interesting happened when Wonder Woman walked onto that battlefield in the middle of the film. It wasn’t Batman walking to avenge his parents, it wasn’t Spider-Man walking to be responsible for his powers.
NC: It was just a hero who wanted to help people.
NC (vo): There was no tragic backstory, no arc, no terrible event that made her compelled to do it. She did it because that’s who she is, that’s what she knows, that’s what she connects with. And it’s not her powers that make her that way, it’s her character.
NC: It’s still a hero’s journey, but this hero makes it about the people she saves.
NC (vo): She always wants to help them, always wants to do what’s right, and for no other reason except she just wants to.
NC: This is a type of hero we haven’t seen for a while, and honestly, for good reason.
NC (vo): We needed the personal touch, the brooding, the angst, and we still do. It led to some of the most popular greatest superheroes of all time. But sometimes, we forget we need this type of hero, too. Not Superman fighting Zod while ignoring the debris falling on people, not Batman trying to kill another hero for hypocritical reasons, but a warrior walking onto a battlefield because she feels it’s the most she can do.
NC: We haven’t seen this kind of hero on the big screen since the Richard Donner Superman.
(An image of Christopher Reeve's Superman is shown)
NC (vo): I think it was starting to be seen as too corny and not dark enough, and that’s understandable.
NC: But that’s the genius of setting it in World War I, it’s the perfect paradox.
NC (vo): It was real, but far back enough for distance. It was filled with extremes, but subtleties as well. The worst of humanity, the best of humanity, an environment where a comic book hero can save the day, but still witness the harsh outcomes of reality, creating both light and dark perfectly.
NC: This, this is what DC is at its best.
(More images of the movie are shown, alongside an image of animated DC superheroes)
NC (vo): If Marvel is humans becoming gods, DC is gods becoming human. And this is that done right. This reminded me of what’s wonderful about DC, and why its characters are still timeless. When done correctly, it blends myth with reality, the ordinary with the extraordinary, mortal with immortal. It’s the closest we have to current Greek mythology. It’s honest, it’s powerful, it lasts forever. This is the movie that made me remember why I love DC in the first place.
NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and...
(He stands up to the triumphant music and goes to Wonder Woman. Someone's hand appears, holding a cake on the plate. NC takes it)
Wonder Woman: What's this?
NC: It's your cake. (Turns to camera) And you can eat it, too.
(The music stops)
Wonder Woman: Actually, I have diabetes.
NC: Oh, I didn't know that.
Wonder Woman: Yeah, right here.
(Wonder Woman shows "Diabetic" word tattoo on her wrist)
NC: I mean, the magic hand already gave it to me, it's...it's hand cake.
Wonder Woman: I will literally die.
(A long beat)
NC: You, um...mind if you play us out while I eat hand cake?
Wonder Woman: Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, okay.
(She uses her spinning power and plays the rocking tune on electric guitar. NC is standing behind her, eating cake)
NC: You may be awesome, but you're not "eating hand cake next to Wonder Woman playing electric guitar" awesome.
(The credits roll and the Channel Awesome logo appears)