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Wild Wild West
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Duration
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28:38
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Released
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August 16, 2016
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ALL the Looney Tunes Films
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Link
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(We start off the episode with the green band for a coming attraction before coming to Jim Jarosz and Tamara Chambers on the couch with gloves on her hands)
Jim: Jessie, why don't you hang out with anyone? It's like...you don't want anyone to get close to you.
(He reaches out to Jessie's hand, only for her to pull away.)
Narrator (Malcolm): A reclusive shut-in...with a powerful secret.
(Jim touches Jessie's hand and gets a jolt)
Jessie: Anyone I touch becomes incredibly strong...to the point of being invincible. No one should have that much power.
(Jim is shown lifting a huge piece of machinery with just one arm, making her quite concerned. We then cut to Malcolm Ray coming out of a car while also wearing gloves)
Narrator: An eccentric businesman...
Doug: Hey, Elsa, think you're gonna take off those gloves today?
Narrator: ...moving up in the world.
(Malcolm touches Doug with his bare hand. Doug is shown stumbling around the room)
Malcolm: Anyone I touch becomes incredibly sick. Usually...to the point of death.
(Doug soon falls down dead)
Narrator: A mysterious stranger (Fard Muhammad) who knows why.
Stranger: (Talking to Jessie on the phone) I've been following you for some time. I know what you are.
Narrator: And a battle... (Jessie and Malcolm are in a dimly lit room with the Stranger)
Jessie: Tell us what's going on here.
Narrator: ...there's no turning back from.
Stranger: It's all very simple. The two of you must destroy each other.
(Malcolm and Jessie are now walking towards each other, taking their gloves off)
Narrator: See the most disturbing film of the year. Not because of its commentary. Not because of its psychological portrayal. (Jessie and Malcolm reach out to touch each other) But because it's not...based...on...anything.
(Jessie and Malcolm look at the camera)
Both: What?
Narrator: I said it's not... based.. .on anything.
(The two run back inside and dump out old comics onto the floor)
Jessie: It has to be based on a comic!
Narrator: It's not based on a comic.
Malcolm: It's gotta be based on a movie.
Narrator: It's not based on a movie.
Jessie: Maybe it's based on a show that wasn't bad, wasn't great, but still deserved more of a chance.
Narrator: It's not based on Pushing Up Daisies.
Jessie: Damn it!
(We're back in the dimly lit room)
Malcolm: How can we take a gamble on something without a fanbase?
Stranger: You'll just have to be interesting.
Jessie: No!
Stranger: Unpredictable.
Malcolm: No!
Stranger: Not relying on nostalgia.
Jessie: You inhuman monster! (The Stranger laughs evilly)
Narrator: Starring...
A Black Guy Who Was Always Written As a Black Guy
Malcolm: Wait, I wasn't originally written as a white dude?
Narrator: No.
And A Woman Who Was Always Written As a Woman.
Jessie: Wait, I wasn't originally a white dude?
Narrator: No.
Malcolm: How are we supposed to cause controversy on the internet?
Narrator: You actually have to say something new... (The two gasp) relevant... (gasp!) and rely on word of mouth after it comes out.
Both: NOOOOOOOO!!
Narrator: Face the horrors of... Something Original. It's like a bad dream.
(The Nostalgia Critic soon wakes up from that bad dream and looks around before seeing the DVD for Wild Wild West)
NC: Oh, thank God.
(And we come to the opening!)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. In 1965...
(An image of The Wild Wild West TV show is shown)
NC (vo): ...a primetime Western comedy aired on TV called Wild Wild West.
NC: And that's all you need to know. The movie has no connection beyond that.
(The movie's title is shown before we are shown clips of the movie)
NC (vo): Based on the series about a duo of cowboys who get into gun-slinging adventures, the movie goes for a slightly different take, with Will Smith as the lead, a steam-powered wheelchair with a drunk Kenneth Branagh attached, and a giant mechanical spider blowing up cities with fireballs.
NC: That's the big screen adaptation I would think of with a show like this.
(A clip from the shown is shown)
Jim West (TV show): Don't judge a house by its shutters.
Artemus Gordon (TV show): And how about windows?
(Back to clips from the movie)
NC (vo): Not only was this known as the worst film from Kevin Kline, the worst film from Kenneth Branagh, and the worst film from Barry Sonnenfield...for the moment... (A poster of Nine Lives is shown) but this was the movie that busted Will Smith's success streak. After leaving his smash show (Fresh Prince of Bel Air) and making gigantic hits all in a row (Images of Independence Day, Men in Black, the single Gettin' Jiggy Wit It, and Enemy of the State are shown), this was the first film to have us say, "Damn it! We have to hate Will Smith in something!" Granted, we would eventually get used to that feeling... (A poster for After Earth is shown)
NC: ...but this was the movie that started it!
NC (vo): Did the show have that big of a following to throw this much money at it? Did they think kids were really gonna get excited for a Western from the 60s? It's one of Hollywood's biggest headscratchers.
NC: So what the hell went wrong? Well, saddle up and get ready to cry into the sunset. This is Wild Wild West.
(The movie begins with a professor being chased by a magnetic spinning blade)
NC: And you immediately lost me. How'd you do that? How'd you...? Was that a second? Was that even a second?