What Do You Mean? vs. Stitches
Date Aired
November 20, 2015
Running Time
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Todd plays "What Do You Mean?" on the piano...


...holds it...


...and plays "Stitches."


Todd: It''s what, 2015, right? 2015, almost 2016. We have to start dealing with the fact that Justin Bieber is still here.

Clip of "Baby"
Justin: Oh-a-a-a-a-a

Todd: [demonic voice] Biiiieeeebbbbbeeerrrr. Eh, okay, fine.

Todd (VO): He's not Bieber anymore, he's just regular Justin Bieber. The time to hate...

Todd: ...Justin Bieber has passed.

Clip of "One Time"

Todd (VO): I mean, yeah, I still have some residual hate left over for the little punk, but most of that was based on who he was back, like, five years ago. We all remember what it was like, we all hated him. And yes, it may have been a tiny bit overblown. But let's not forget that he was, in fact, the worst.

Justin: Whatever you want, shorty, I'll give it to you

Todd (VO): The worst. He was just this unbearable little turd who sang things like "shawty" in the whitest, lamest way possible.

Todd: But you know, what more could you expect? He was...what, 14? Of course he was obnoxious; his balls hadn't dropped yet.

Clip of Jack Ü (Skrillex and Diplo) with Justin Bieber - "Where Are Ü Now"
Justin: Can't deny it

Todd (VO): It's 2015 now. Bieber's a lot older, he's changed, and...yeah, I'll admit he's gotten a lot better, so I wanna give him credit for that. Yes, he may have started out the most insufferable little shit in music, but over time,...

Todd: ...I think he's actually become very...dull and uninteresting.

Clip of "If I Was Your Boyfriend"

Todd (VO): Seriously, he's a completely flavorless singer, he adds absolutely nothing to a song, he's a non-entity.

Todd: Which is an improvement.

Todd (VO): But, you know, who cares anymore? I certainly haven't in a long time. And I think Bieber must have sensed that apathy building up, because as he's become a less hateable singer, he's made up for it by being a much more hateable person.

Clip from ABC News
Judge: Mr. Bieber, you are charged with the following: DUI, alcohol or drugs...

Todd (VO): If you remember, Justin Bieber had an absolutely miserable 2013, when it seemed like he was just determined to put himself in the ugliest light possible. It was almost like a joke, week after week, month after month, [clip from Fox News and cover of tabloid: "Bieber Goes Bonkers"] headline after headline of Justin Bieber being a douche.

Transcript in progress

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