War of the Commercials

War of the Commercials (Just Go!)
Aired	November 21, 2017
Running time	31:35
Previous review	Bangarang
Next review	TBA
Link	https://channelawesome.com/war-of-the-commercials-nostalgia-critic/

(There are no opening titles; it simply dissolves from the Channel Awesome logo to a closeup of the donut on the NC's "I [Donut] Donuts" t-shirt. He then sits himself down on the couch)

NC: Just go! (pushes a button on his remote)

(And, once again as in the past, we are treated to that same old opening sequence, those "After These Messages" bumpers from ABC)

Three Clay Singers: After these messages...

Clay Fire Hydrant: (sings) After these messages...

Clay Cowboy: (sings) After these messages...

Clay Dog: (sings) After these messages...

(The title "Just Go!" is shown)

Three Clay Singers: (audio) ...we'll be right back!

Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 64

(TV static transition to: Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 64 commercial)

Note: It's been confired that the announcer heard in this commercial is in fact the late and great Don LaFontaine, who died of pneumothorax on September 1, 2008 at the age of 68.

(Mario, Pikachu, Yoshi, and Donkey Kong are seen running through a field together, while "Happy Together" by the Turtles plays in the background)

NC (vo): Yeah, this one launches the nostalgic feels. It's the first commercial for Super Smash Bros. on Nintendo 64. Now it's a common place idea to see your favorite lovable characters beat the shit out of each other, but back then, seeing these cuddly cuteballs skip was pretty shocking when it was followed by this...

(Mario kicks Yoshi in the leg, knocking him to the ground. Then Donkey Kong retaliates by punching Mario in the head)

NC: Good Lord!

NC (vo): Suddenly, it's Joaquin Phoenix from Gladiator, looking over an enchanted bloodbath!

(As the Nintendo characters engage in an all-out brawl, Phoenix's character from Gladiator, Commodus, watches and sticks his tongue out)

Don LaFontaine (vo): Something's gone wrong in the happy go-lucky world of Nintendo.

NC (vo): What I like is, before you realize it's all going this direction, it just looks like Mario snapped at Yoshi! (the scene of Mario kicking Yoshi is played again) What the hell did he do?! Did he have a flashback to when he was a baby and Yoshi failed to protect him?

(As dramatic music plays, a clip of Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island plays, with a crying Baby Mario, out of reach of Yoshi, is spirited away by Kamek's toadies)

NC (vo): (as Mario, as he kicks Yoshi) Never forgive, asshole! (as DK, as he punches Mario) You're a dickhead, Mario! (as Mario) Who cares?!

(NC then imitates all of the characters at once as they fight, but it's too inaudible to make it out, except for Pikachu's "Pika! Pika!", as DK throws him through the air by his tail)

NC: Ten points to whoever threw Pikachu twice, by the way.

(In the commercial, Pikachu is seen airborne a second time; Yoshi then swings a sledgehammer at the camera; it smashes the image, leaving a spurt of blood)

NC (vo): Why are they even skipping if they were just gonna fight? Is it like (a shot of the following appears in the corner...) A Clockwork Orange, where Mario knew he was gonna jack them up? 

NC (vo; as Mario, in the manner of Alex from A Clockwork Orange): I was calm on the outside, but thinking all the time. So now it was to be Georgie the General, saying what we should do, and what not to do. Well, I viddied what to do.

(To music from A Clockwork Orange, Mario's kick that starts the whole fight is shown again)

NC: Could you just get revenge by dropping him by...

(A clip of Super Mario World, showing Yoshi, Mario having been knocked off, running off a cliff)

NC (vo): ...dropping him off another cliff?

NC: We know the species are like socks to you.

(Cut back to the commercial)

NC (vo): Ultra-violent as hell, but pretty funny, too, this commercial hits hard in the laughs.

'Don LaFontaine (vo)': Only on Nintendo 64.

(The commercial ends with Yoshi hitting DK on the head with the aforementioned hammer, knocking the big ape to the ground with the N in "Nintendo 64" spinning around his head like circling stars; cut to the tagline for the N64: "Get N or Get Out")

Alex DeLarge: (audio) I was cured, all right.

Ring Pop

(TV static transition to: Ring Pop commercial)

See Also

• Commercial Special
• Return of the Nostalgic Commercials
• Revenge of the Nostalgic Commercials
• Dawn of the Commercials
• Rise of the Commercials
• Conquest of the Commercials
• Battle of the Commercials