And now it's time for "Bum Reviews" with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review: "Wall-E."
OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
There's this robot called Wall-E.
Who kind of looks like a robotic chicken.
And that is why they call him Wall-E!
It stands for "Wall-E Always Lays Lovely Eggs."
I can't wait till we have robotic chickens!
Not like those pompous chickens we have today!
Sitting on their nests, clucking away.
You don't know me, chicken!
You don't know anything about me!
Woah, I have issues.
And he lives in a world totally populated by garbage.
Sounds like my summer home!
And he is on Earth so long that he becomes delusional.
He actually thinks "Hello, Dolly" is a good movie!
And then, a rocketship lands.
And another robot comes out!
Her name is EVE, and she looks exactly like a little egg!
And that is why they call her EVE!
It stands for "Eggs Give Vitamin E."
The "give" is silent.
And so, the chicken and the egg have a relationship together.
Hey, which did come first? The chicken or the egg?
Oh, the chicken!
And throughout the whole movie, they're like, "Wall-E!" "EVE!" "Wall-E!" "EVE!"
The dialogue is so well-written!
So, EVE finds a tiny, little plant.
And she's like, "Gimme that!" (Pretends to hide plant and close up)
And Wall-E is like, "EVVVVEEEE!"
And then, the giant rocketship returns.
And takes EVE and Wall-E to a giant spaceship!
Populated by giant, fat people!
These people are HUGE!
It's like if Kirstie Alley and Jabba the Hutt had a million children!
I wish I was that fat!
That means I would eat lots and lots of food!
I would eat actual pizza instead of the pizza boxes!
Okay, I'd eat the boxes too.
But you get the point!
So, the fat captain is like, "We found a plant, so we have to go back to Earth!"
Because Earth is like a Chia Pet.
Just pour some water and it grows!
Just like that Scooby Doo Chia Pet.
Earth should look like a Scooby Doo Chia Pet!
Who's with me?
(Pause) ...Fine! Laugh at my brilliant idea!
They laughed at Bozo the Clown!
Now look where he's at!
Actually, where is he at?
Where's Bozo the Clown??
Bozo! Bozo! It's okay! I found him.
So, the captain is like, "Let's go back to Earth."
And the ship is like, "Nuh-uh."
So, Wall-E and EVE have to fight the big, bad ship.
It's kind of like "Titanic," except it has nothing to do with it.
So, the robots fight the bad ship, return back to Earth, and live robotically ever after!
Seriously, I gotta see someone.
This is Chester A. Bum saying CHANGE?? Ya got change?! Aw c'mon, help a guy out, will ya?! C'mon, change!
Well, at least help me stop the evil chickens! Those evil mothercluckers are up to no good!