Totally Spies!: The Movie
June 17, 2020
(The Channel Awesome logo and NC title sequence play)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. There truly is an art to disagreeing, isn't there?
NC (vo): If I was to, say, give my opinion a Star Wars movie...
(Cut then to an image of a woman with short hair clenching her fist and yelling angrily while fire rages in the background)
NC (vo): ...and people typed in all caps, "YOU'RE WRONG AND I'M GOING TO CIRCUMCISE YOU WITH A LIGHTSABER SCALPEL!"...
(Cut to an image of a man, probably a doctor, given the way he's dressed, shrugging in confusion)
NC (vo): ...it wouldn't mean much anymore, as it's kind of become the norm.
NC: (looking up in thought) I can't help but wonder if a fictional character (An image of an earlier version of NC appears) satirizing this way of communicating somehow played into this... (The image of the earlier NC disappears as the present NC waves dismissively) Probably not. However, if I was to, say, mock a show...
(Cut to a clip of NC's review of Kim Possible, showing a clip of some crudely-animated versions of Sam, Clover and Alex from Totally Spies)
NC (vo): ...past my time for being annoying...
(Cut to a shot of an enraged woman gnashing her teeth and clenching her fists)
NC (vo): ...and an overwhelming number of people came up to me and responded, in all their passion...
(Then cut to a second shot of the same woman, this time looking much calmer and rather depressed, actually)
NC (vo): ..."Eh, I kinda liked that show"...
NC: ...it weirdly gets me thinking, maybe there's something to reanalyze.
(Cut to a shot of a YouTube screen, displaying a video: the full showing of Totally Spies!: The Movie, which has 7.2M views)
NC (vo): And when a movie based on that show has over seven million hits on YouTube...
NC: ...it's definitely worth taking another look at.
(The title for the movie is shown, followed by footage of it)
NC (vo): Totally Spies!, the animated show running on and off from 2001 to 2014, piqued my interest at first because it was one of the few shows that borrowed from the style of anime. Remember, this was before (Shots of the following are superimposed...) Teen Titans and Avatar. So this was kind of a rare thing to see. I know you had (Shots of the following are superimposed...) Thundercats and Transformers, but you know what I'm talking about: the big eye, big mouth, big sweat beads... that style. That kind of thing was almost never shown on American television. But (sighs) when I watched the show about three dimwitted girls from Beverly Hills working with a spy agency to stop evildoers, I quickly picked up...
Clover: Okay, not to get all horoscope-y, but hello! Isn't this, like, the biggest...
NC: (shaking head) ...this wasn't my thing.
NC (vo): Years later, however, the show has gained quite a following. Do a search on YouTube, and you'll find videos with millions of views.
NC: (holding up two fingers) There's two things I've learned looking this over. One is...
(A shot of Totally Spies videos on YouTube is shown)
NC (vo): ...the videos with the most views have, shall we say, specific interests.
(We briefly are shown a shot of George Takei saying, "Oh, my, my, my!")
NC: (hastily) But the other thing is, I don't think that makes up the majority of the fan base. (Another Totally Spies video is shown in the corner, reading "Cheerleader Army") ...I don't think.
NC (vo): There seems to be a lot of (A montage of the following are superimposed...) cosplays, articles, fan videos, books, comics, games, all tied back to the successful series. I always saw them as a slightly less scary version of (image of...) Bratz, but seeing the following it has, there has to be more to it. So I'm looking over their most watched property online... (An image of the "Cat Fight!" video is superimposed) ...I'm assuming... their prequel film released in 2009 to see if there's something of value that holds up all these years later.
NC: So get out your man-eating compacts and your lip...stick...swords... I didn't watch the show. This is Totally Spies!: The Movie.
(The movie begins with a rock concert at the Hollywood Bowl)
NC (vo): We open with a giant crowd in Hollywood coming to see...
(He stops, however, as he sees the name of the person performing (as labeled on signs everywhere) is "ROB". NC looks over toward his brother in confusion)
Rob: You don't know everything about me.
NC (vo): But it looks like Rob is hypnotized before the show to walk outside and be abducted.
(As the UFO shines a light down on Rob, his eyes become glitchy)
Rob: Fabulous... (The light lifts Rob into the air)
NC: (as Rob) I'm finally allowed to be in the ThunderCats reboot... (The title for ThunderCats ROAR is shown in the corner) That one?! Fuck!
NC (vo): Cut to the next day, where we see Beverly Hills is still...Beverly Hills...
(A lady is seen calling her dog on her cell phone)
Lady: (whose voice sounds rather like a man speaking in a high pitch) Come on, sweetie, let's go for a walk.
(The camera pans down to reveal she has her dog, a poodle, on a leash, already set for the walk)
NC: (as writer) Greg, we need a lady's voice. Can you do something? (as "Greg") Um... (bad falsetto voice) Come on, sweetie, let's go for a walk. (as writer) Perfect. (as "Greg") Do you want to take take two? (as writer) It's the Totally Spies movie. (as "Greg", waving dismissively) Oh, okay.
NC (vo): ...as we one of the girls, named Alex, trying to find a gym.
Trainer: Submersive hydro-cycling...
(This involves a guy running a cycle in a tank filling up with water, while a carnivorous-looking fish swimming out into it, while the cyclist tries vainly to avoid it. Alex is nervous)
NC: You laugh, but I've seen this on Goop. (A shot of the company Goop is shown)
NC (vo): We then zoom out to see Earth and then...zoom back in to see another girl named Sam...
NC: (confused) ...just to remind you the planet still exists... Oh, who am I kidding? We need that reminder.
NC (vo): And we see her enter what's supposedly a bookstore.
Sam (voiced by Jennifer Hale): Can you tell me where you keep your books?
Store owner: Oh, we don't carry books anymore. They scare the customers away. Print is so last century.
NC: (as store owner) We only sell tweets. Most of them are about how people are stupid for not reading anymore.
NC (vo): Planet check number two... Is Google Earth just ADHD today? ...where we see the third girl, Clover, shopping for boots.
(Clover takes a pair of boots she finds and gives them to the store owner to buy)
Store owner: All you need to know is that they're too expensive for you.
(She starts to leave as a bolt of lightning strikes, zapping Clover and upsetting her)
Clover (voiced by Andrea Baker): That is, like, so rude!
(Later, she leaves the store, holding several bags full of purchases at once)
Clover: I just love Beverly Hills!
NC: Don't think I can count how many complexes were represented in that scene.
NC (vo): It looks like all three of them are being watched, as a laser from a satellite zaps a giant sushi roll and tries to squash them. (A shot of Cameron Poe is superimposed, as NC speaks in his voice) On any other show, that might seem strange.
(Suddenly, the sushi roll catches up with the girls and they wind up running on top of it)
Alex: We're not the only ones in trouble! (spots a pig trying to flee the sushi roll) Check out that poor little piggy!
NC: Okay, was this a creative writing assignment?
NC (vo): Combine giant sushi, spy girls and a pig all into one scene? If so...
(As we cut back to NC, the letters "A/F" appear on the side)
NC (vo): ...that would be the first A and F combo I'd ever give. (looks confused)