Top 15 Screw-Ups of Atop the Fourth Wall
December 27, 2010
See all the times where Linkara was a total idiot!
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Well, the end of the year is approaching, so it's a time for reflection on the things we've done. While it's true that I am the most handsome, most magnificent person alive, I sometimes screw things up.
(Cut to Douchy McNitpick via transmission)
Douchey: Hold it right there, you plagiarist!
Linkara: (unsurprised) Ooooh... you...
Douchey: That's right. The Nostalgia Critic already did this kind of video. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THE SAME KIND OF VIDEO!!
Linkara: Then, logically, by appearing in my video, you are voluntarily contributing to this allegedly ripping off.
Douchey: (as he's about to defend himself, he thinks about Linkara's comeback) BAH! Logic means nothing to me!!
Linkara: Anyway, the point is that this is the Top 15 Screw-Ups of Atop the Fourth Wall.
Douchey: That's FUCK-ups!! How come you never swear? You look so immature when you never swear.
Linkara: So, by swearing, I'd appear as mature as you do, huh? (smiles smugly)
Douchey: I... wait... (incoherently mumbles, trying to think about the logic behind his argument)
(Opening titles and opening title card)
#15[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 15: "How come you can't say 'room' or 'roof' correctly?"
(Cut to a montage of comments made by people who have seen Linkara's videos and pointed out mispronunciations of words he said (i.e., "fox" vs. "foe", "rum" vs. "room"))
Linkara (v/o): This one will cover all my general mispronunciations or mispronounciations or however you pronounce it. For example, on one or two occasions, I said "fox" instead of "foe". Another time, I said "ana-THEE-ma" instead of "an-AH-thema"*. Really, it comes down to the fact that they're words that I don't use very often, and I don't see many other people use, either. As such, I don't know how to pronounce when I end up actually needing to speak them. Usually, people are very helpful and will point out when I've screwed up and later I say them correctly. Buuut the most common ones that crop up are when people say I'm saying "room" as "rum", or "roof" as "ruff".
- NOTE: "Anathema" can be pronounced either way, according to Merriam-Webster.
Linkara: (angrily) You know, maybe I'm not the problem! (points to camera) Maybe it's all of you who are saying it incorrectly!
(Cut to another comment, this one made by Malaloba who admitted to adopting Linkara's way of saying "room", but admitting that it's part of his Minnesotan accent)
Linkara (v/o): Nah, that's just stupid; it's all me. The fact of the matter is that I have an accent. It's not that noticeable, but it is there.
(Cut to a shot of an audio guide to speaking Minnesotan, from A Prairie Home Companion)
Linkara (v/o): I'm a Minnesotan; I'm a Midwesterner. (exaggerates his accent) I may not talk like this all the time or how ding-dang cold it gets up here or how Wally and Norma went up to Dubuque to go fishing...
(Cut to a shot of a man standing next to a sign reading "Uff Da Hill Road")
Linkara (v/o): (normal) ...but there are traces here and there, particularly when I say "room" ("rum") or "roof" ("ruff"). It's just the way it is, and it isn't going to change unless I spend every day saying (exaggeratedly) "roooooom" and "rooooof".
#14[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 14: "Mark Wahlberg wasn't a member of New Kids on the Block!"
Linkara: (angrily) YES, HE WAS!! (holds up both hands and speaks a little more calmly) Okay, admittedly, this one is harder to prove, but Wikipedia and a few other websites have backed me up on this, as well as several fans who have responded about this.
(Cut to a New Kids on the Block music video ("You've Got the Right Stuff") featuring Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg)
Linkara (v/o): I might still end up being proved wrong, but what I've read stated that Marky Mark was indeed a BRIEF member of New Kids on the Block.
(Cut to footage of Wahlberg's movie The Happening)
Linkara (v/o): He had creative differences, or whatever the hell happens inside of bands...
(As Linkara speaks, the following message pops up: "He was probably just talking to all the plants at the studio")
Linkara (v/o): ...and left the group before he could actually record anything with them. Admittedly, that's not much to go, and people may still call foul because of the fact that he never actually did anything of appearances or record anything with them, but I'm counting it since he was still a part of the group, even if only for fifteen minutes or the like.
(Cut to a shot of the book "Marky Mark: By Marky Mark and Lyon Goldsmith")
Linkara (v/o): If anyone has copies of an official New Kids book or something that stipulates that that was just a rumor or something that became fact, then fine, I will retract my statement.
(Cut to the New Kids and Marky Mark video again)
Linkara (v/o): But so far, everyone just keeps trying to correct me by saying that it was his brother Danny who was the member and not him, which is true, but again, I've got sources. They're admittedly Internet sources, but it's all I've got because I feel very sorry for myself if I actually owned Marky Mark's book or any New Kids on the Block-related reading material. Of course, I do own one.
(Cut to a shot of the comic "New Kids on the Block 4")
Linkara (v/o): That comic!
#13[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 13: "How dare you make fun of The Maxx!"
(Cut to footage of Linkara's review of "Darker Image #1", featuring clips of The Maxx)
Linkara (v/o): Back in my "Darker Image #1" review, I had the audacity to say that "The Maxx" sucked!
Linkara: Oh, wait, I NEVER SAID THAT!
Linkara (v/o): And yet several people told me that they got mad at me for "hatin' on Maxx". I'm sorry, I didn't realize that there wasn't a difference between "I don't care for this and it looks weird, but I've heard lots of people like it" and "This is the worst thing ever".
Linkara: Let me make this clear: I don't hate "The Maxx". I don't care about "The Maxx". I appreciate the recommendations from people, but to me, everything about it is just weird and not all that appealing to me for both show and comic. If you like it, (gives a double thumbs-up) great, more power to you.
Linkara (v/o): However, my review wasn't about the "Maxx" series, it was about "Darker Image #1". As a story, it was confusing, boring, and just weird. Again, you can enjoy it without me having to enjoy it, too. People are allowed to not like the same things.
(Cut to clips of the Maxx cartoon show)
Linkara (v/o): But then again, I haven't watched or read it, so of course, I can't give an informed opinion about the characters or the story, other than the lame one and "Darker Image #1".
#12[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 12: "The Transformers comics DID break the Top 10 lists!"
(Cut to shots of the Transformers comics in question)
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, I don't know how I screwed this one up, but I did. During my review of Dreamwaves' "Transformers #4 and 5", I stated that the comics, while popular, never broke the top ten lists in sales. It turns out the sales charts I'd been reading were from 2004, and covering reprints and whatnot, when I should have been looking at the sales from 2002. In fact, Transformers comics held the number-one spot in sales from April through September of 2002. And even after that was over with, other Dreamwave Transformers comics were within the top 20 for a few months following that. Hell, even the issues I reviewed held the number-two and number-one spot for their respective months, and the only reason that #4 wasn't in the number-one spot was because another Transformers comic held that spot. It's also kind of head-scratching that this is the case. Consider that these were the books where Pat Lee couldn't even draw the correct number of wheels on Optimus Prime's truck mode. Let's not even get into the fact that the windows on Optimus' chest don't look like a truck. And yet, they were beating out books like "The Ultimates", three "X-Men" series, and "Ultimate Spider-Man". Yeah, Marvel held every other spot, except number ten in April 2010, which was an issue of Image Comics' "G.I. Joe" series, another '80s franchise. Well, Dreamwave and Pat Lee may have been some of the scummiest, non-paying, crappy things ever to happen in the comic industry, but you can't argue with those results, and I screwed up in giving credit where credit is due.
#11[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 11: "Robby the Robot ISN'T a bad guy!"
(Cut to a shot of the comic for Forbidden Planet seen in the opening for Linkara's review of "Strange Adventures #136")
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, who knew there were so many fans of Forbidden Planet among my fanbase? During the introduction to my "Strange Adventures #136" review, I listed off examples of good and evil robots in fiction. When I talked about evil robots, I showed a movie poster from Forbidden Planet that depicted Robby the Robot, one of the most recognizable in movie history, carrying off a woman. I didn't say anything about it, but the implication that he was evil was clear.
(Cut to footage of Forbidden Planet)
Linkara (v/o): And now, I must confess that, sadly, I still haven't seen Forbidden Planet. However, plenty of my fans were quick to point out... nay, seemed outright offended that I had implied that he was evil. In the movie, he was actually the robotic assistant of Dr. Morbius and tried to save the heroes of the film. Still, Robby the Robot has had a long history in film and television, from Twilight Zone to Lost in Space, and I do apologize about using the inaccurate poster. Robby the Robot is perfect, and I am an idiot.
Robby: Forbidden planet. Forbidden planet, indeed. (laughs)
#10[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 10: "There WERE computers that weren't electronic!"
(Cut to Linkara's review of "Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Fit to Win")
Linkara (v/o): Back in my review of the "Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Fit to Win" comic, I mentioned a bit at the end of the comic where there's a brief history lesson about computers; specifically, the line mentioned that the first all-electronic computers were made in the United States.
Narrator: (audio from review) The world's first all-electronic computers...
Linkara: (audio from review) As opposed to the computers made of rocks and bamboo...
Linkara: Since I wouldn't have the job I have today if not for computers, I should probably have been more up-to-date with my computer knowledge. People pointed out that they were probably referring to mechanical machines called Babbage engines.
(Cut to a shot of Charles Babbage)
Linkara (v/o): Charles Babbage, a mechanical engineer in the late 1800s, attempted to create several machines called difference engines and analytical engines that can be used to do mathematical figures faster than humans at the time, who were referred to as computers. While Babbage never successfully created any of his devices in his lifetime, his blueprints and ideas were very similar to modern computers, and some were able to create working versions of his ideas in the early 1990s.
(Cut back to the "Tandy Whiz Kids" comic)
Linkara (v/o): I got one better for you, though: the comic says that the first electronic computers were made in America...
(Cut to a shot of a huge computer taking up a whole wall)
Linkara (v/o): ...buuuut actually the first programmable electronic computer was made in England during World War II: a device called Colossus that helped decode Nazi communications. So, yeah, history is fascinating and I suck for getting it wrong, but then again, so did the comic.
#9[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 9: "What happened to the Shadow comic that you were going to review?"
(Cut to shots of various comics of "The Shadow")
Linkara (v/o): I am a fan of the old radio dramas featuring the pulp hero known as The Shadow, a detective who, through advanced hypnotism, could become invisible. In addition to the original stories where he originally was created, there have also been several Shadow comics. In my 2010 trailer, I used the opening line from the radio dramas: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!", the implication being that I was going to review one of the Shadow comics... and I was. However, the comics at my disposal when I looked at them... eh, they didn't seem all that bad, and I didn't have a lot to work with. Mind you, one of these stories involved the Shadow with a massive cyborg body, but since it was so late in the run, I wasn't sure what the hell caused the radical shift in the premise of the character. As a result, I didn't want to do injustice to the comics, since it's entirely possible that there's a good, well-written explanation for all of this. So I didn't want to piss off Shadow fans by not doing proper research. I kept pushing back the review until... well, October was "Silent Hill" and the Clone Saga, November was "Secret Origins" month, and the last few weeks have been Christmas comics. I do hope to finally do a review of a comic about the Shadow in 2011, but for now, all I have to say is, I'm sorry for not getting to it this year. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? No idea, but only the Shadow knows where the hell my review is.
#8[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 8: "Stop insulting Europeans!"
Linkara: This one's a two-fer, covering a specific incident, as well as a general attitude that people think I have concerning European comics.
(Cut to shots of the comic "Batman: Fortunate Son" and Linkara's review of it)
Linkara (v/o): During my "Batman: Fortunate Son" review, Izaak Crowe, AKA the Moron of Metal, breaks into the home of So Not Elvis and wants to liberate his body, since, for some bizarre reason, the body is preserved like freaking Lenin in a glass case.
Linkara: And yet, given the philosophical leanings of this comic, I'm shocked – SHOCKED, mind you – that Not Elvis fails to do this...
(Cut to a clip of an episode of The Simpsons, in which Lenin's body is displayed in a glass case, but he suddenly comes back to life, breaking the glass he is encased in, scaring away the spectators looking at him, and he walks away, with his arms stretched out in front of him like a zombie)
Lenin: Must... crush... capitalism...
Linkara: Zombie Not Elvis would have greatly improved "Batman: Fortunate Son".
Linkara (v/o): Joking aside, Crowe yells out that in Europe, national treasures and "relics of saints" – yeah, if you haven't seen the video yet, he's seriously referring to musicians like that; it's a weird friggin' comic – are free, and the same should be done in America. I made this remark...
Crowe: (audio from review) In Europe, the relics of saints are on display to all worshippers--free!
Linkara: (audio from review) Yeah, and how are those high tax rates in Europe going, hmm?
Linkara (v/o): I've made it no secret that I am a capitalist and very much against higher taxes in any capacity in any country. I'd be lying if it wasn't a bit of a dig at various European countries with socialized governments. However, and this is the big "however", my statement was meant to be an attack, yet again, on the idiocy of Izaak Crowe! The taxes are the point! Such things aren't free! Instead of a charge at the front door, they're funded by taxes. Let's not even get into how stupid it is to just say "Europe"... Hey, Izaak? EUROPE IS NOT A COUNTRY!! ...and not refer to any specific nations, laws or standards, but instead also point out...
(Cut to a long comment posted by someone named Irandrura about what Linkara is talking about...)
Linkara (v/o): ...as another fan stated in the comments, that the display of bodies of saints isn't free, either! And it isn't a government-funded thing! The Catholic Church funds that practice. And again, Izaak's pipe dreams about how the world is supposed to work once again proves how stupid the comic is. That same poster also pointed out that the American government already subsidizes sites of cultural importance due to music. And of course, the fact that Crowe is comparing a for-profit musician to religious icons and places.
Linkara: At every turn, "Batman: Fortunate Son" finds whole new ways to be idiotic! However, my remarks should have been phrased better, and for anyone who took offense to what I said, I apologize for what I said.
(Cut to a shot of the comic, "Great British Fantasy Comic Book Heroes")
Linkara (v/o): Secondly, I get a lot of requests and emails from people pointing out that Atop the Fourth Wall seems to focus exclusively on American comics, and yet never showcases European comics. Many want me to review or highlight stuff from South America, manga from Japan, or most especially, European comics.
(Cut to a couple of covers of the comic series "Judge Dredd: 2000 AD")
Linkara (v/o): It's certainly not because I hate any British or French comics or anything like that. Really, it comes down to a few things. One, many want me to showcase European comics, as in talk about the good ones. The problem is, as I've said multiple times now, Atop the Fourth Wall is about bad comics. The point is to explain how something sucks and make fun of it, both for entertainment value and to show how stuff can be improved.
(Cut to a shot of an X-Men comic)
(Cut to a cover for the Tintin comic "Explorers on the Moon")
Linkara (v/o): And that's kind of the point: people keep giving me recommendations and offering to send me European comics, EXCEPT THEY WANT TO SEND THE GOOD ONES! You give me something just awful and repugnant, and yeah, I can work with it for the show. Unless I'm comparing something to a good comic, I don't like talking about good comics on this show. It's boring for me, since all I'm doing is saying, "This is good, this is awesome."
(Cut to a couple of covers of Asterix comics)
Linkara (v/o): The only example I can think of when someone recommended a bad comic to me would be Asterix, a French comic that people have said has lived past the intention of its original creators. Well, I understand the frustration there, but I've said before I don't review comics solely because of continuity issues. They have to just be really, really badly written or badly drawn. And the final reason is... well, I hate to say it, but I do have a bit of a bias toward American superheroes.
(Cut to a collage of American comic book superheroes, both Marvel and DC alike)
Linkara (v/o): I love superheroes. I love tales of modern-day knights in the ongoing epic struggle of people with great power, having to fight lavishly ludicrous villains and righting wrongs and blah, blah, blah. Hell, I don't care for a lot of non-superhero comics. It's not that I think that they're bad; they're probably really good. But why "The Last Man", "The Walking Dead", "Scott Pilgrim"? I'm just not interested in them.
Linkara: And yeah, we'll do non-superhero comics on this show, too. (holds up "S.C.I. Spy 1" comic) Remember "S.C.I. Spy"? But they have to be particularly bad in order for me to... (looks at "S.C.I. Spy" comic closely, puzzled) Wait a second. (becomes upset as he skims through it) This is a trade? (becomes incredulous) Somebody actually collected "S.C.I. Spy"?! (puts comic down) We'll get back to "S.C.I. Spy" next year.
#7[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 7: "Tony the Tiger set the can back up in the previous panel!"
(Cut to Linkara's review of "Nolan Ryan #1")
Linkara (v/o): In my review of "Nolan Ryan #1", or rather, the comic with, like, four different names that they couldn't decide on, I pointed out that the can that the kid threw a rock at... I seriously don't remember his name; his problem was so pathetic that any name he had was drowned out by his whininess... mysteriously teleported back up to the fence he had set it on. However, many were quick to point out that in fact we can see Tony the Tiger back up again. The reason why this one is higher than the others is because I feel I genuinely made a huge mistake with it. I pride myself on reading this stuff and paying attention to everything said, even if it's depressingly stupid. But I shouldn't miss something that obvious. So, yeah, a brief one, but a big one for me.
#6[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 6: "Having only one shoulder pad DOES make sense!"
(Cut to a montage of comic book characters, in the 1990s, wearing only one shoulder pad rather than two)
Linkara (v/o): I've said it repeatedly when it comes to '90s style artwork: having a single shoulder pad on armor looks stupid and more like it was meant to be EXTREEEEEEEME than it was to make any sort of sense. However, the more combat-oriented among you have pointed out that actually one shoulder pad makes perfect sense, particularly when it comes to battles involving one-handed swords. The idea is that when facing your opponent, the body will naturally turn to the side where the sword is so it will be closer to the opponent. Thus, it requires more protection. Armor is heavy and can get in the way of a fight, so the less that you have to wear, the better. It is the position of the show that even if something looks stupid, if there is an actual, logical point to it, then it's acceptable. After all, we deal in superhero comics with frequently audacious and silly-looking outfits, some with sillier appearances than others. However, I maintain that the appearances of many of the ones I've critiqued still make no sense.
(Cut to a shot of a comic book superheroine from the "Law and Order" comic, wearing one shoulder pad, but holding two guns instead of one)
Linkara (v/o): If it's a single weapon and they're holding it as described, then fine, I can accept that. However, frequently, those same '90s style characters were wielding more than one weapon or wear so little actual armor that just having the shoulder pad doesn't make any sense. Form follows function, but it certainly doesn't apply to "Law and Order" here.
#5[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 5: "The Super Cruiser is an RV, not a U-Haul!"
(Cut to shots of "Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos")
Linkara (v/o): Back in "Chuck Norris' Karate Kommandos", we were introduced to Chuck Norris' battle wagon known as the Super Cruiser. The thing looks absolutely silly and can't be taken seriously as a combat vehicle, and I compared it to a U-Haul.
(Cut to footage of the movie Stripes)
Linkara (v/o): I received two major responses to this. The first was asking why I didn't mention a similar-looking craft from the movie Stripes. In cases like this, there are usually one of three why I didn't mention it. One, I just didn't think of it. It happens, people. I haven't seen Stripes in years, and even then, I don't remember a lot of it, other than it being hilarious. Two, I've never heard or seen what you're comparing it to. This happens frequently, since there are a lot of cartoons, movies, or etc., that I just haven't seen and, frankly, I don't watch very much TV or movies anymore. Three, I like to screw with expectations, and sometimes, that means going with the obvious joke or not going with the obvious joke. I like to keep you all guessing.
(Cut back to "Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos")
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, as to the Super Cruiser itself... yyyyeah, you're all right that it does indeed more resemble an RV than a standard U-Haul. However, like so many others, I will attempt to justify myself here. While doing a search for trying to figure out what it looked like, the first thing that came to mind was a U-Haul, and when doing a Google search, I came up with this image...
(A shot of a U-Haul truck, looking eerily like the RV in the comic, is shown)
Linkara (v/o): I mean, come on, even has the same color scheme as a U-Haul!
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Still, yeah, you're all very much right, it is more like an RV than a U-Haul, so I screwed up. But then again, so did Chuck Norris, who thought that this thing could pass as a military vehicle.
#4[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 4: "Why don't you ever swear?"
Linkara: (holds up index finger) Okay, first of all, I swear all the time! When did "hell", "damn" and "ass" stop being swear words?
(Cut to footage of a prior video by Linkara)
Linkara (v/o): No, of course, people are referring to the fact that I don't say the more colorful four-letter words, even when they appear in the comics. It's not because I'm a prude or anything. Outside of these videos, I in fact use those words plenty.
Linkara (v/o): Heck, you can see me say the F word in the bloopers for the Alone in the Dark review on the That Guy With the Glasses DVD.
(Cut to a clip of Linkara's review of "Batman #147", showing Linkara clearing mouthing the F word in response to something nonsensical in the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Plus, I mouthed it way back in my "Batman #147" review.
(Cut to footage of another Linkara video: "The Top 15 WTF Moments in Comics")
Linkara (v/o): Plus, I had an entire video called "The Top 15 WTF Moments". No, the reason why I don't use those words started out primarily because of habit and later because I wanted to prove I can be funny without having to resort to it.
(Cut to footage of an NC video, showing the NC going on a curse-laden rant)
Linkara (v/o): And before anyone suggests otherwise, that doesn't mean I think that my fellow video reviewers are lesser for using them. Many are downright skillful in their swearing, able to cobble together curses that I could never hope to match. But for me, it doesn't work for this show.
(Cut to a shot of a panel from a Silent Hill comic, showing a character dropping an F bomb in their dialog)
Linkara (v/o): Now, as to why I don't swear when the comics themselves swear, really, there have only been, like, two or three comics that have actually done so. And I'm pretty sure it was the Silent Hill comics. And does anyone out there believe for a second that those comics were made better by them swearing?
Linkara: Bottom line: yeah, I could say those words, but does saying them actually make my videos better? Really?
#3[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 3: "Naked News DOES exist!"
(Cut to shots of "The Dark Knight Strikes Again" and Linkara's review of it)
Linkara (v/o): The last three on our list is for the comments that tons and tons of people kept commenting about, and this is the first. In my review of the first part of "The Dark Knight Strikes Again", I criticized Miller's so-called satire of "news in the nude", a segment that featured the newscasters, well, nude. I called it out as the bullcrap that it is, that a mainstream news media would never stoop to that kind of nonsense, not only because it's pointless, both storywise and in logic, but also because the FCC, or whatever equivalent organization exists in any given country, would never let such a thing pass – except for the fact that apparently there is a real website called...
(Cut to a shot of the website in question...)
Linkara (v/o): ..."Naked News", which features the newswomen casually taking off their clothes as they read off the news.
(Cut back to the "news in the nude" part of the Dark Knight comic)
Linkara (v/o): There is also apparently a TV version of the website, but it primarily airs on Canadian TV very late at night, partially because the company is based in Canada and can get away with topless interviews – on the street, in fact, thanks to Ontario laws, though I am getting that from Wikipedia. So, okay, yeah, I was wrong and this exists – sort of. After all, it's still not the regular news, and back when people were talking about this, I actually...
(Cut to an image of a man standing next to a box of tissues, accompanied by a message: "PORN! The Internet is for it!")
Linkara (v/o): ...went to their website and watched one of their videos to verify the claim about it.
Linkara: Yes, my research forced me to watch a woman taking off her clothes. Truly, I have the worst job in the universe. (nods)
(Cut back to the "news in the nude" part of the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Kidding aside, what's the point? It's not like they're performing a striptease or doing pornographic acts. They're just taking off their clothes while reading the news. In an environment where hardcore porn is readily available on the Internet, what's the appeal?
Linkara: (taking off his jacket) In the weather today, a cold front at the upper areas of Minnesota, but then again, who should be surprised by that? It's Minnesota. We only have two seasons up here: winter and road construction. (starts taking off his shirt) In the world of sports–
#2[edit | edit source]
Linkara (v/o): Number 2: "The Kool-Aid Man Wouldn't Freeze in Space!"
(Cut to Linkara's review of "Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man 1")
Linkara (v/o): Speaking of really cold things, let's recall the Kool-Aid Man comic. Yeah, I don't want to remember that it exists, either, but here we are. Sometimes I love the fact that my fans are damn smart. Other times, it can get really frustrating when loads of people comment, email and private message me the same scientific fact over and over. And what fact is that? The fact that in a vacuum, the Kool-Aid Man would not freeze. Here's a brain twister for those of you not scientifically inclined: cold does not actually exist in terms of science; there is only the absence of heat, and space has little to no heat in between planets and stars. And guess what? Heat transfers from an area of high heat to an area of low heat, so all the heat in the Kool-Aid Man should transfer out into space. Now, one would think that would mean that that means he would freeze. However, there's no air in space, and without any air, there's no air pressure. So in fact, a creature made of liquid like the Kool-Aid Man would actually boil in the absence of pressure and evaporate.
Linkara: So there you have it, the science of bizarre creatures made out of sugary drinks and how they should act in the vacuum of space. We are a bunch of nerds.
#1[edit | edit source]
Linkara: And the number-one screw-up of Atop the Fourth Wall is... "Schrodinger's Cat is SUPPOSED to be an absurd concept!"
Linkara: (covering his face with his hands) Oh, dear God, if I had known that people take that stupid cat so seriously, I would never have brought it up to begin with!
(Cut to footage of Linkara's review of "Silent Hill: Dead/Alive #1-2")
Linkara (v/o): Back in my "Silent Hill: Dead/Alive #1 and 2" review, I made a joke about Schrodinger's Cat. The entire point of it was to avoid talking about "Dead/Alive", because it's that freaking awful and I figured it would just be taken as me being over-analytical for the sake of humor.
(Cut to shots of the comment section of Linkara's video on his blog)
Linkara (v/o): What I got instead was about a BAJILLION messages and comments telling me how I didn't understand the damn thing or its purpose in relation to quantum physics. It was a silly, silly joke, especially when I mentioned a bit about the Electric Company, since of course they monitor the level of power used. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously and it was just one of those "deep thoughts", quote-unquote that I have on a boring afternoon and not something that needed to be hammered into me repeatedly.
(Cut back to "Schrodinger's Cat")
Linkara (v/o): For those who still don't know what I'm talking about, "Schrodinger's Cat" is a thought experiment proposed by Erwin Schrodinger in 1935. Schrodinger didn't like the interpretation proposed by the Copenhagen experiments regarding subatomic particles changing when being observed and–
Linkara: Oh, screw it! I'm not explaining this! Just go read the comments made in the "Silent Hill: Dead/Alive #1 and 2" review! Hell, I still don't fully grasp it. The point is, I'm sorry, okay?
Linkara (v/o): It was just meant as a stupid little joke about the title of the comic. Apparently, quantum physics is serious business, enough to warrant having lots of people point out how of an idiot I am. Well, okay, yes, I am sorry that I got this wrong, but please (sounding like he's about to cry) stop sending me essays about this! I don't care! I don't care at all! Well, okay, I do care. I get frustrated sometimes having to read through the same kind of comments all the time, but honestly, I do appreciate it. It shows that you guys do watch the videos, and you care about them enough to correct me when I screw up. You guys are looking out for me and I really appreciate it. Just, well, please take a look and make sure someone else hasn't already pointed it out.
Linkara: So that's my top 15 screw-ups. Yeah, there are probably more that have happened, and, well, there probably will be more coming in the next year.
Douchey (v/o): You're not off the hook yet, mister!
Douchey: How come you keep using people for cameos? What, you actually like using people whose works you enjoy?
Douchey (v/o): That's stupid!
(Looking listless, Linkara snaps his fingers, making himself disappear)
Douchey: You're the worst comic book reviewer ever! Your reviews are terrible! You make fun of Frank Miller, and Frank Miller is GOD! You sound like the rat from Ratatouille! You have this great big list! "Oh, hello, I'm–"
(Suddenly, he gets cut off by a fist punching him in the side of his face. It's Linkara, who glares at him)
Douchey: (stunned) How did you find me?!
Linkara: What is it about magic that none of people understand? (repeatedly punches Douchey in the face, which causes Douchey to cry out with each punch)
Just got a new camera – please bear with me as I work out the white balance and other issues.
So, what other things have I screwed up do you all want me to own up to?
(Stinger: a commercial for Charmin, featuring Mr. Whipple)
Mr. Whipple: (putting the finishing touches on a robot in his store) Finally, a robot to stop ladies from squeezing Charmin.
Robot: (moving across store) Don't squeeze Charmin... Don't squeeze Charmin...
Woman #1: (squeezing a package of Charmin) Charmin's doubly fluffy!
Woman #2: (also squeezing another pack of Charmin) Doubly irresistible!
(Suddenly, she lets out a startled yelp as the robot approaches. In doing so, she tosses the Charmin in the air and it lands in the robot's hands)
Robot: (squeezing Charmin) Fluffy! Squeeze Charmin! Squeeze Charmin!
Mr. Whipple: (grabbing Charmin away from robot) Squeezak! (robot powers down)
Announcer: Squeezak's right: Charmin made the ordinary way might not get squeezed, but Charmin's doubly fluffy! It's so squeezably soft...
Mr. Whipple: (squeezing a pack of Charmin) It's doubly irresistible!
Robot: (powering up and advancing on Mr. Whipple) Don't squeeze Charmin... Don't squeeze Charmin... (Mr. Whipple becomes nervous)