Top 11 Worst Movie Sequels
January 17, 2017
(We open up with the Sequel Month (The Sequel) opening card, then cut to the Nostalgia Critic at his desk, facepalming himself and looking sullen, almost sick)
NC: (low voice, almost mumbling) Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. I'm sorry I don't look my best, but seeing how we did the Top 11 Best Movie Sequels of all time, it only figures to do the Top 11 Worst. And guess what? (gets agitated) There's a few more than Top 11, so we had to do the absolute worst! (voice suddenly cracks) And I'm not ready!
(Clips of movie sequels shown in the NC's "Top 11 Best" are shown)
NC (vo): In some respects, sequels are very difficult to do, trying to capture the magic of something people clearly liked and trying to make lightning strike twice while also taking the idea to a new level.
(Cut to movie sequels featured in this video)
NC (vo): But many sequels not only fail at that, but pour salt in the wound of annoyance.
NC: There's clearly more bad sequels out there than good sequels, so let's go ahead and determine how these'll be judged.
(Clips of more sequels are shown)
NC (vo): We're gonna be comparing how much the sequel let down the previous film or films. It also has to have been shown in theaters and come from a series that started with promise.
(Cut to a shot of the poster for Twilight)
NC (vo): We knew nothing could improve Twilight, so why would it be a letdown if the sequels were bad?
(Cut to more footage of sequels)
NC (vo): These are the films that could've been a contender, but instead turned into a con-blunder. What's that? (a shot of Terry from On the Waterfront, played by Marlon Brando, saying "I coulda' been a contender", is shown) That was a bad add-on to something popular you loved? Well, then, I got you in just the right mood! We're gonna look at the Top 11 Worst Movie Continuations Ever!
NC: Why Top 11? Because Top 80 would go too long! This is the Top 11 Worst Sequels!
(Cut to a shot of a man with his hands in his face, crying. The video's title zooms in. This will be the interlude footage throughout the video. The number 11 zooms in)
NC (vo): Number 11: Godfather Part 3. I'm putting this so low on the list because it is still a competently-made film. It still is Ford Coppola, it does have a memorable line or two...
NC: Okay, just one.
Michael Corleone (Al Pacino): Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
NC (vo): And if it was released on its own, it'd just be seen as an ordinary bad flick, not one of the worst. But, seeing how this is coming off of the heels of not one, but two of what many consider the greatest films ever made, this flick was painful to sit through. It went from subtle, complex, powerful storytelling to over-the-top acting, over-the-top writing, and even over-the-top kills. When someone died in these movies, it felt real, chilling, often disturbingly quiet. Here, a helicopter tries to take out people like a Fast and the Furious movie!
(During the helicopter raid, the camera focuses on Albert Volpe clutching at his coat)
NC (vo): Look at this asshole whining about his lucky coat! Yeah, he would've lasted long in the Mafia world!
Albert Volpe (Carmine Caridi): (yelling over the din, clutching his coat) My lucky coat! It's my lucky coat! (he gets mowed down by a barrage of bullets)
NC (vo): The writing gets needlessly complicated, involving incest, controlling the Vatican Bank, even ties to the friggin' Pope! Come on, I know the Mafia's big, but if there was a Godfather Part 4, they'd probably go after the world next, like (an image of the following pops up...) Dr. Evil!
(The next set of clips involves Mary Corleone, Sofia Coppola's character in the movie)
NC (vo): And, yeah, let's talk about that elephant in the room, Sofia Coppola. Francis had a tendency of sneaking his daughter into his films, but here, he gave her a starring role, and...
Mary: (multiple clips) I really love him. / I'm your little cousin. / I love my family.
NC: (shaking head) Thank God she can direct.
(The car explosion scene from the first movie is shown)
NC (vo): In fact, here's a visual representation of her trying to have an acting career...
(Michael cries "No!" at this, but the car explodes; back to the third movie)
NC (vo): Everybody talks like how people think gangsters talk in mobster movies.
Joey Zasa (Joe Mantegna): I say to all of you, I have been treated this day, with no respect. [...] You will not give, I'll take!
NC (vo): And it doesn't help that the lines are written just as bad.
Michael: He gets the Esquire Magazine award for the best dressed gangster. / (to Mary) He's your first cousin.
Mary: Then I'll love him first.
NC (vo): This was also at a point when Pacino decided it was better to not be Pacino, but instead a really yelling impression of Pacino.
(A clip of Michael Corleone is shown)
Michael: I spent my life protecting my FAMILY!
NC (vo): How the high and mighty fall. This was a letdown that easily any of us could refuse.
NC (vo): Number 10: Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows.
(Cut to a shot of the poster for the original Blair Witch Project)
NC (vo): Some debate whether or not the first Blair Witch Project...
(Cut to the sequel)
NC (vo): ...is a legitimately good movie. Some say it's subtle and inspired; others say it's just shaky cam and screaming. Regardless, it started a whole new genre of horror on virtually no budget...
(Cut to a montage of posters for modern horror movies: Cloverfield, The Last Exorcism, and Paranormal Activity)
NC (vo): ...and it changed the course of how many horror films are made.
(Cut back to Blair Witch 2)
NC (vo): While there's many disagreements on the first one, everyone agrees Blair Witch 2 is shit, with laughable characters, bizarre editing, ridiculous visuals, and an uncountable amount of storylines that go nowhere. Like, none of them! Even the intro, it opens up four times! It's like the endings to Clue: is it multiple choice? Do I get to choose which one we open with?
NC: It doesn't matter, because none of them are explained!
NC (vo): There's a miscarriage, dead owl, shredded paper, snowing on people, ghost girls, ghost dogs, crashed cars, videos played backwards that reveal orgies, recordings of murders that may or may not have happened the way it was recorded, and not one solitary instance is ever given a reason why or how. This movie throws every pointless plot thread at us, all except for one: the Book of Shadows. Yeah, there's no Book of Shadows in it, the title of the goddamn movie! In fact, come to think about it, I don't even know if there was a Blair Witch! It's amazing how not only does this not work as a sequel, connecting in almost no way to the first, except by acknowledging that there was a first – they wanted to go to the same site where it took place – but it in no way holds up as a standalone film, either. It's mind-bogglingly insane, and not in any interesting or scary way, just... an insane way. Who knows what anyone was thinking when they put this craziness together? They may have kept the camera still, but outside of that...it's just a Blair mess.
NC (vo): Number 9: The Transformers sequels. It doesn't matter which one, they're all exactly the same. Now, don't get me wrong, the first film is a stupid piece of action fluff. But as action fluff went, it could be kinda fun. Michael Bay got a ton of death threats after he was announced as the director of the first film, but after it premiered, and audiences saw cool robots fighting, a couple of laughs, and even the original voice of Optimus Prime in there, people seemed to like what almost seemed like a satire of the Bay movies while still being a Bay movie. The death threats seemed to stop. But they started right back up again with Transformers 2, 3, 4, and...yeah, let's just throw 5 in there, even though it hasn't come out yet. Many say that they insult what the original Transformers were trying to do. Others say they're racist; others say they're sexist; others say they're...whatever other..."-ist" there is out there; others say it's loud, obnoxious and dumb.
NC: But truth be told, a lot of that doesn't bother me as much. (holds up index finger) What bothers me the most, is that they're boring.
NC (vo): They are so boring! With the first film, seeing giant robots fight each other on such a grand scale in the desert and the city was never really seen, at least to that size and effort. In the second film, they just fight in the desert... Okay, we saw that... And in the third film, they fight in the city... Okay, we saw that... And in the fourth film, they fight in another ci– THIS IS THE EXACT SAME THING!! Some metal piece of shit comes along to fuck things up, there's some bullshit about "is humanity worth it" to make us think it's trying to be deep, some dumbass jokes of the time that'll be dated really fast, and then it does everything in its power to make explosions mean nothing. Christ, I remember when explosions were such a cool thing: a giant ball of fire! How destructive yet amazing! And now, it's like we're watching (an image of the following pops up...) a bucket of paint! Thank you, Michael Bay, explosions are now a bucket of paint to me! You sucked out all the excitement! With nothing new ever added and scenes literally recycled – like, he just plays the exact same clips – what should be cool and thrilling is just white noise. In fact, (a shot of Michael Bay pops up) that's a perfect nickname for this director: White Noise. With no impact, no thought, no good humor, and no interest in doing anything different, these films asked the questions Americans sadly have to ask a lot: "If it makes money, why change it?"
NC (vo): Number 8: X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Is there even a point to having X-Men Origins at the beginning? I mean, they never made another one. Why? Because this movie sucked that hard! There's tons of X-Men, but they never gave them another X-Men Origins movie, because...yeah, this killed it! On the first try! Now, granted, I know a lot of you were probably expecting X-Men 3 to be in here, but... (a shot of the following character is shown...) Deadpool.
NC: No, no, I don't need to say any more. There is more, but I don't need to say it! Deadpool!
NC (vo): But, even though I can stop there, let's continue. What should've been the easiest movie to make awesome, a standalone Wolverine movie, with Gambit, the Blob, an actual cool-looking Sabertooth, and a story promising betrayal, blood and vengeance, turned into a goddamn X-suckfest. Not only does little to none of the continuity match up with the other X-Men films, but everything is either boring, cliched, doesn't make sense, or going out of its way to piss fans off! Fan favorite Gambit is barely in the movie, the Blob isn't a mutant, he just ate a lot – that was a necessary change, good job!
NC: And, of course, one of the most popular and unique Marvel characters of all time...
(Cut to a shot of Deadpool)
NC (vo): ...Deadpool, has pretty much no connection to his character whatsoever. The actor Ryan Reynolds was such a Deadpool fan that he spent years and years to get a faithful version of the character brought to the big screen. And guess what? It seems what made people like him now still makes people like him now! Yeah, you didn't need to do the exact goddamn opposite of what the character was! (scoffs) I can't believe that didn't work! Deadpool's own film was ruthless at mocking this movie's version of him, and rightfully so. At least with X-Men 3, there was some good action, good visuals, Kelsey Grammer as Beast, interesting commentary on what should be cured and what shouldn't. This...just had nothing. Even the action ranges from standard to just cartoony. Walking away from an explosion? Haven't seen that. (an explosion in question hurls Wolverine at a helicopter) Oh, gimme a goddamn break! It's one of those films that should have been handed-on-a-silver-platter of awesome. Instead, we got a doggy bag of puke. Bottom line: there's no mutant healing from this one.
NC (vo): Number 7: Blues Brothers 2000.
NC: (at a loss for words) Di– Did anybody ask for this? Anyone?
(Footage of the original Blues Brothers is shown)
NC (vo): Blues Brothers is about as perfect a comedy as you can get: it's energized, it's hilarious, it's raunchy, it's a musical, it has car chases, it has some of the most unbelievable crashes ever caught on screen. It's a friggin' icon!
(Cut to footage of Blues Brothers 2000)
NC (vo): This one? This one feels like a Saturday morning cartoon, even down to having the little kid sidekick.
NC: And you want to know why he's there? Because everyone else looks...
NC (vo): ...old, tired, unfocused, slower, and not funny! My God, is it not funny! All that it's trying to do is recapture the magic of the first film with half the budget, half the energy, and a million subplots that clearly don't belong in Blues Brothers! Haven't you ever wanted to see the Blues Brothers go up against a Caribbean witch? What the fuck am I watching?!
(Cut back briefly to the original Blues Brothers)
NC (vo): The first film had a simple premise: raise money to save an orphanage. Hell, a Three Stooges short could pull that off.
(Cut back again to the sequel)
NC (vo): Here, it's not even made clear what they're doing. Just a band, I guess. And people are chasing them down...for some reason. It so doesn't give a shit that it doesn't even end. It just stops! It looks like we're gonna get a big chase scene after seeing almost none throughout the entire film, and then...they roll the credits! Yeah, the sequel to one of the best car chase comedies ever, and they write out all the car chases! The one thing it has going for it is the blues music is actually pretty well done. Full disclosure, I even picked up (an image of the movie soundtrack CD is shown) the soundtrack after watching it. But that's the only good connection this movie has to the original Blues Brothers. It's pointless, it's contrived, it's not humorous. If the first film was a mission from God, then this is a flaming bag of dog shit from Hell.
NC (vo): Number 6: Jaws 3D. From the film that created the summer blockbuster to the film often deemed as a summer ball-buster. Jaws 3D is exactly what you would think of, not only in a bad sequel, but in a bad 3D sequel. Look at this shit. This is beyond embarrassing. Was the point of having it 3D so that you can see in three dimensions how bad the keying is? Granted, I know the shark looks a little fake in the first film the more you see him, but nothing compares to this one.
(A shot of the shark breaking the glass is shown – the effect is quite fake)
NC (vo): This, is one of the most laughably lame effects ever! That is, you know, except for all the other effects. And they aren't just bad effects that you have to freeze frame to see how bad they are; they hold on these uncomfortable illusions for a while, like they were proud of how they looked. One of the funniest things is that they shoot scenes in that obnoxious 3D way where they'll zoom in on something for the effect, but because the film doesn't come with glasses, you're just awkwardly looking at closeup stuff for no reason!
(A closeup of a severed arm is shown)
NC (vo): (feigned amazement) Wow, that is really not impressive! No, not at all! (normal voice) On top of that, the story's forgettable, the characters are cutouts, there's even a tie-in with it taking place at Sea World. How would you like that advertising? Go to Sea World, where you'll die! How could such a film dripping with subtle horrors, suspense and drama be reduced to something this laughably bad? Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, you realize...it is! Because it makes more sense than going to the movie theater to see this sinker.
NC (vo): Number 5: Superman 4: The Quest For Peace. It's not like the Superman movies have had the best track record, but easily the worst comes down to 4. (an image of the Superman III poster pops up) Maybe 3. No, no, no, no, 4. (the Superman III pops up very briefly again) 3 and 4. We'll say 4. With a... I guess, well-intended message about stopping nuclear warfare, this movie not only had no idea how to make any strong message about the subject, apart from... stop it, but it had some of the worst writing, acting and effects out of all of them. They literally use the same clip of Superman flying several times! They say Superman's hair can hold a ton, yet it can be cut with ease.
NC: The movie cares so little that there's actually a scene where a human being is just taken into space!
NC (vo): No suit, no oxygen, she can just...breathe! That...is a special kind of "I don't give a shit." In this one, Superman has to fight Nuclear Man, a combination of Lex Luthor and Superman's DNA... and apparently the DNA of some fabric, too, so he's born with clothes...boy, his DNA is quite the fashion designer. Most of the film is just them fighting. The message about nuclear warfare is abandoned surprisingly fast! The Quest For Peace pretty much has no peace in it, but a hell of a lot of shit-beating! What message were they even trying to get across? That banning your nuclear warheads could result in a super alien demon? Actually, the idea of getting rid of the warheads technically leads to more destruction, doesn't it? None of it adds up! From recycling scenes to recycling villains to recycling literally the same footage, this follow-up is anything but super.
NC (vo): Number 4: Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
(During this, Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" plays in the background)
NC: Yeah, pretty hard not to have what many consider the most hated sequel of all time.
NC (vo): Though I technically think Attack of the Clones is the worst movie, Phantom Menace is much more of a letdown than really any Star Wars viewer, fan or not, could have expected. Going from a simple story with strong themes, likeable characters, and a well-defined mythos, this prequel gave us way too much story, boring/annoying/racist characters, and poop jokes, because that's what was missing from Star Wars. Abandoning the mix of practical effects with superimposed imagery, this world lives mainly in the computer, never really looking like the main characters are looking at what should be right in front of them. The movie has done everything to rewrite the ideas and symbols that fans held so dear by saying faith and religion can be in a blood test. Virgin births are totally a thing now. No big deal. And people don't need to have personalities, because we can put all our humor in one obnoxious character. Star Wars was loved so much that it took fans several viewings for them to accept that this is actually a bad movie. It was like the stages of death, going through denial, bargaining, fear, anger, but when the acceptance finally set in, there was no denying what crap storm we all witnessed. This went from arguably the most anticipated film in a lifetime to the most despised betrayal of a fan base felt with a creator. No matter what the future of the Star Wars movies hold, this film is so bad that everyone can almost guarantee it can't possibly get worse.
NC (vo): Number 3: Batman & Robin.
(NC stares silently at the camera for a moment, then exhales and shakes his head)
NC: (holds up both hands) Let's try to be fair.
NC (vo): Batman has been through (a shot of the old Batman show of the '60s pops up) purposefully degrading past lives before. This is clearly trying to be one of those silly, mocking satires of the superhero. But...that's funny. I don't see Adam West or Burt Ward or...Mad TV Presents. In fact, I see the actors from the previous serious movies that they were making not too far back.
NC: So... (shrugs) how does this make any goddamn bat-sense?!
NC (vo): Nobody wants to see a corny satire of our beloved superhero, they want to see the superhero taken seriously! This is about the clearest example of not being taken seriously! Not one iota! As bad as Batman Forever got, it did at times at least try to be a real Batman film. This is a hardcore mocking of a precious icon all the way. And even with that said, it's not a very good mocking. Everything here is either a diet version of the Adam West show or just ice puns, all delivered horribly! It's like if Spaceballs was the fifth Star Wars movie. Hell, it's not even like that, 'cause Spaceballs is funny! It's more like if (a poster of the following pops up...) Disaster Movie was the fifth Star Wars movie! Every second is an insult to one of the greatest superheroes of all time. And it knows it's doing it and doesn't care! They care so little that they even throw in...
(The infamous Bat Credit Card is shown)
NC: (trying to contain his anger; through gritted teeth) ...you know what!
NC (vo): The one thing the film has going for it is, like most Schumacher films, it surprisingly looks very nice. Not at all like Batman, but Schumacher's ability to show off the set and its production values is always welcomed. But other than that, it's an unbearable experience. It's hard to say if this is the worst superhero movie made, but it's easily the worst superhero sequel made, especially when using the same actors as the same characters from what's apparently supposed to be the same serious world! How on earth would this have worked? What mindset thought this made logical sense? All I can say is, holy bat-joke.
NC (vo): Number 2: Son of the Mask.
(During this, the Can-Can plays in the background)
NC: Okay... (briefly puts his hands on his face) This...really shouldn't be that hard: a sequel...to...The Mask!
NC (vo): You can't get Jim Carrey? That kid who won the Nintendo Power Contest got gypped? Actually, he kind of did. It's an interesting story, look it up. But none of that matters. Just find somebody else, do some cartoony effects, and it should be...passable, at the very least.
NC: (beat) This is anything but passable.
NC (vo): This is not only one of the worst sequels put together, with some of the most horrifically nightmare-inducing imagery, but it often makes a lot of people's "worst films of all time" lists. It's so ugly, so poorly rendered, so tragically casted, so terribly written, that just thinking back on it often triggers post-traumatic stress disorder in most viewers. It's loud, it's hideous, it's not funny, it makes no sense, it has some of the worst CG in history, and its horrifying visuals still can't have us believing that they actually called it... (speaks in his "idiot" voice) a "FAMILY" Picture! (normal) Every moment of this film is an endurance test, asking you how much of your senses can we assault before you hate all humanity. It's nonstop annoying, nonstop idiotic, nonstop terrifying. This movie's a son of something, all right, but it definitely ain't The Mask.
NC: Before we get to number 1, a few runners-up.
(During this, Beethoven's "Fur Elise" plays in the background)
(Cut to a montage of posters for the following runners-up, starting with...)
NC (vo): Home Alone 3: It didn't try hard enough to be on this list, but that's also why it's an honorable mention. (next up...) X-Men 3: Wolverine is worse, but killing off a ton of your characters adding up to nothing is a good way to piss off a fan base. (next up...) Spider-Man 3: Stupid, yes, but the other films are stupid, too. This one just took that one step too far. (next up...) Terminator: Genisys: So...the other films are totally retconned now, huh? Whatever, everybody's already forgotten you. (next up: a poster for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End) The Pirates of the Caribbean sequels: Stop being so needlessly long and complicated. You're a Pirates movie, not Lawrence of Arabia! (next up...) Clerks II, because Clerks always needed a bigger budget for bigger stars and dance numbers. Really captured the spirit of the original there! (next up...) Highlander II: The first one ended fine, why give bad writers the chance to muck it all up? (next up...) Die Hard 5*: Want to hate John McClane? Now you can, through one easy step of watching this shithole! (next up...) Mortal Kombat: Annihilation: We knew nobody liked Mortal Kombat for the gore, so we took that all out, giving you the B-movie story and crappy characters that made it popular to begin with. (in sing-song voice) You're welcome! (Homage to Moana song)
- NOTE: The full title is A Good Day To Die Hard.
NC: All right, all right, let's get to it.
NC (vo): The number 1 worst movie sequel of all time is... Troll 2.
NC: I mean... how can it not be?
NC (vo): This is not only considered the worst sequel ever made, this is often considered the worst film ever made. It does everything a horrible sequel is supposed to do: it has awful acting, awful writing, awful effects, and it, of course, has nothing to do with the first Troll movie*. Literally nothing! There is no connection! In fact, they're not even technically trolls, they're goblins. (a sign in the movie is shown, reading "Nilbog") Spelled backwards!
(Cut to a montage of footage of the infamy this film gained, from cosplays to a review of this movie on "Best Worst Movies")
NC (vo): This is such a bad movie that they actually make good movies on what a bad movie it is. There are documentaries studying this film. It's something of a marvel!
NC (vo): It is hilariously awful and incredibly entertaining, which could have some people debating whether or not it should be number one. But that's not what we're judging. We are judging worst. And if a movie, even by the people who acted in it, call it the worst film ever made, I think it's probably the worst sequel, too. It's a film so bad, it goes into that realm of being positive, a movie that brings a smile to your face, a perfect anomaly. Its choices are not only dumb, they're mentally challenging. How could anyone be okay with the decisions made? How did anyone say, "Yes, that'll do, onto the next scene"? It's an amazing film so bad that it truly has to be seen to be believed. It's been talked about so much, it enters the realm of legend. Everybody who knows bad films knows this movie, and anyone who knows bad sequels have to be reminded of it, because they forget it even is a sequel! It has that little to do with the first! Even though there's a 2 in the title! It gets absolutely everything wrong. It just so happens to get them wrong in all the right ways. It's a blunder so big that everybody needs to see it. When somebody says this is the worst of the worst, it's hard not to turn to them and say, "Yup, I can't argue with that."
- NOTE: Another NC fuck-up: this movie is not a sequel of the original Troll movie, it was meant to be a totally different movie, but Epic, the distribution company of the movie, imposed the producers to change the title to cash-in the success of the original movie.
NC: Are there any that we missed? Well, leave them in the comments below, and BY GOD, TELL US HOW YOU SURVIVED THEM! I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to! (gets up and leaves, whimpering as he does)