Top 11 Villan Songs
February 23rd, 2010
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
Pictures of famous movie villains are shown with Night on Bald Mountain playing in the background.
NC: (Voiceover) There is no doubt about it. I love villains. Whether they're over-the-top, subtle, sympathetic, or monstrous, villains are some of the most enjoyable characters in all of media, and when I was growing up, there was one part in any musical that I always looked forward to: the villain song. Why? Because that was always the best song. Fuck "Hakuna Matata", give me "Be Prepared". To hell with "Under the Sea", give me "Poor Unfortunate Souls". Man, just the titles of some of these are so dark and depressing. It's awesome.
NC: And today, we're celebrating these terrifying tunes by listing the Top 11 Greatest Villain Songs. Why Top 11? Because I like to go one step beyond. So, get ready to explain your evil deeds ... through music. This is the Top 11 Greatest Villain Songs.
The opening sequence features Night on Bald Mountain from Fantasia playing to the Death Death song by Voltaire.
NC: Number 11 - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch from How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
NC: (Voiceover) For some of us, the Grinch is the first real villain we ever came across, and thus, is the first villain song we ever heard. And boy, what a good one to serve as an introduction to villainy. The tune, of course, is very catchy, and the singing voice of Tony the Tiger himself, Thurl Ravenscroft, just sounds fantastic.
Singer: ♫ Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Gri-inch. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) But what really makes it stand out are the lyrics. Naturally, the rhyming master himself, Dr. Seuss, had a big part in writing the words, and it shows. Just listen to how despicably detailed these lyrics are.
Singer: ♫ Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk. You have termites in your smile. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) How can you not fall in love with such disgusting images? The Grinch still continues to be one of the great bad guys of Christmas, and this song certainly played a large part in making that happen. A perfect melody for the red and green villain of the red and green holiday.
Singer: ♫ Stink. Stank. Stunk. ♫
NC: Number 10 - Shiver My Timbers from Muppet Treasure Island.
NC: (Voiceover) I only discovered this one recently. It's the opening song from Muppet Treasure Island. I'll admit I haven't seen the movie, but listening to this song really makes me want to.
Pirates: ♫ Shiver my timber, shiver my sides. Yo-ho, heave ho. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) I don't know. Maybe the rest of the film sucks or maybe it's fucking fantastic. I have no idea, but just based on this song, I would give it a watch. It's got a great beat, enjoyable lyrics, and it sounds a little more intimidating than the usual Muppet songs. It's actually kind of a nice welcome change-of-pace.
Possums: ♫ And those buccaneers drowned their sins in rum. ♫
Monkey: ♫ The devil himself would have to call them scum. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) But don't worry. It still keeps its natural, goofy tone as well, having the backup singers be hermit crabs, snakes, and ...
Shows some other Muppets, that are agreeably hard to tell what they are.
NC: ... whatever the hell those are. So it still manages to keep the Muppet spirit, I guess.
Crabs: ♫ For a bag of guineas or a piece of eight. ♫
Alligator: ♫ A piece of eight. ♫
Octopus: ♫ A piece of eight. ♫
Mosquitoes: Five, six, seven, eight.
NC: (Voiceover) Not much else to say except it's a catchy little tune that puts you in the SCURVY mood.
Pirates: ♫ Shiver my timbers, shiver my sails, dead men tell no tales. ♫
Pirate captain shoots his guns.
NC: Number 9 - Friends on the Other Side from The Princess and the Frog.
NC: (Voiceover) This song isn't even a year old yet, and yet I think it belongs up there with some of the most enjoyable villain songs.
Dr. Facilier: ♫ If you relax, it will enable me to do anything I please. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) It's ironic because anyone who knows my taste in music knows I can't STAND Randy Newman.
Images of Randy Newman are shown, while the words: Shut Up!, Can It!, Piss Off!, and DIE! are repeated shown over and over again.
NC: (Voiceover) It really does sound like he's just been writing the same bland song over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!! Well, you get the idea. Most of the songs in this movie are pretty bland as well, that is, except for two: Almost There, which was okay, I guess, and this song, which is a HECK of a lot of fun.
Dr. Facilier: ♫ I got voodoo. I got hoodoo. I got things I ain't even tried! And I got friends on the other side. ♫
Totems: ♫ He's got friends on the other side. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) It's sung by The Shadow Man, voiced by Keith David*, who is nice to see is growing more and more in popularity.
- This is the same actor who played Goliath in Disney's Gargoyles.
Dr. Facilier: Mom and Dad cut you off, huh, playboy?
Goliath: I can scare those guards away.
NC: God, I'd go gay for that voice.
NC: (Voiceover) And not only does he have a good speaking voice, but his singing voice isn't half-bad either. Who knew Gargoyles could do Broadway?
Picture of Broadway the gargoyle is shown
NC: (Voiceover) Well, not that Broadway, but ... All right, this joke is confused. But on top of that, the villain is pretty damn cool, too. It's a shame it came out as late as it did because I definitely would've put him on my Top 11 Disney Villains list. But, oh, well. Both the villain and the song kick ass anyway, especially near the end during the transformation. It gets especially lively and colorful.
Facilier: ♫ Are you ready? ♫
Chorus: ♫ Are you ready? ♫
Facilier: ♫ Transformation central! ♫
Chorus: ♫ Transformation central! ♫
Facilier: ♫ Reformation central! ♫
Chorus: ♫ Reformation central! ♫
NC: (Voiceover) Now as I'm recording this, The Princess and the Frog hasn't come out on DVD yet, so I'm just using the spare footage I could find, hence the watermark there.
NC: (Voiceover) But when it comes out, definitely give it a listen-to. It's a song that looks every bit as good as it sounds.
Facilier: ♫ You can blame my friends on the other side! ♫
Chorus: ♫ You got what you wanted! But you lost what you had! Hush... ♫
NC: Number 8 - Pretty Women from Sweeney Todd.
NC: (Voiceover) This is a very different kind of villain song. In fact, if you heard it on its own, you wouldn't even think it was a villain song. The barber, Sweeney Todd (played by Johnny Depp), is out for revenge against the judge here (played by Alan Rickman) because he sent him to prison and stole his now-poisoned wife. Years later, the judge doesn't recognize him, and goes in for a shave.
Judge: ♫ But first, sir, I think. A shave. ♫
Sweeney: ♫ The closest I ever gave. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) But rather than Todd just killing him then and there, he enjoys the time building up to the killing, symbolizing his happiness by singing about the beauty of women.
Todd: ♫ Pretty women ♫
Judge: ♫ Silhouetted ♫
Todd: ♫ Stay within you, ♫
Judge: ♫ Glancing ♫
NC: (Voiceover) There's a lot going on in this song. The Judge is singing about how he's actually going to wed Sweeney's daughter soon, as Sweeney sings about his wife, for whom this whole revenge plot is for. Ironically enough, they both have the exact same lyrics.
Both: ♫ Blowing out their candles or combing out their hair. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) They both sing this very calm, soothing melody, even though they're both about to do the most horrible, villainous things. This is what makes the song work. It's the opposite of the situation taking place, and you can't help but feel the DIABOLICAL nature that both of these characters have, and knowing the terrible things they're about to do, you can't help but feel the tension and suspense as the song builds to an elegant yet nail-biting climax.
Both: ♫ Pretty women, sir, pretty women, yes, pretty women, pretty women. ♫
The scene goes black
NC: (Voiceover) Nice.
NC: Number 7 - Sweet Transvestite from The Rocky Horror Picture Show AND Dentist from Little Shop of Horrors.
NC: (Voiceover) I decided to put these two together because they seem very similar to me. They both seem very bright, energetic and extremely over-the-top. Tim Curry's transvestite song is well known by most people. Its weird lyrics, catchy tune, and unbelievably strange subject matter is pretty unforgettable.
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: ♫ I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) A lot of people forget about Steve Martin singing Dentist, though, which I think is just as enjoyable, hammy, and upbeat.
Orin: ♫ You'll be a dentist. You have a talent for causin' things pain. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) They're both really funny and showcase the actor's comedic talents to their full potential. They also dig into our paranoia about strange people that we don't understand. For example, why would anyone want to be a dentist? According to Steve Martin's song, it's because they're straight-up sadists that can get paid for their cruelty.
Orin: ♫ Son, be a dentist. People will pay you to be inhumane. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) And in "Sweet Transvestite", it asks the question of ...
The Critic watches it with disgust on his face.
NC: ... of ... of ... ... just, why?
NC: (Voiceover) Both these songs are a ton of fun to watch, and a real joy to listen to. Who says that evil ever has to be downbeat?
Orin: Say "Ah!"
Orin: Now spit!
Tim Curry goes up in his elevator
NC: Number 6 - In the Dark of the Night from Anastasia.
NC: (Voiceover) Here's another song that's just a ton of fun. I mean, it has CHRISTOPHER LLOYD SINGING! Sort of.
Rasputin: ♫ I was once the most mystical man in all Russia. When the royals betrayed me, they made a mistake! ♫
NC: Or talking in rhyme with musical accompaniment, but IT'S STILL AWESOME!
NC: (Voiceover) Anastasia is often referred to as a cheap Disney knockoff, but we know that isn't true. No. It was an EXPENSIVE Disney knockoff, and a lot of that is shown in this song. It's upbeat, but it's also very threatening. And on top of that, the theme is so catchy, it's almost impossible to get it out of your head.
Creatures: ♫ In the dark of the night, terror will strike her! ♫
Rasputin: ♫ Terror's the least I can do! ♫
Creatures: ♫ In the dark of the night, evil will brew. Ooh! ♫
NC: (Voiceover) And here's the funny thing about this song, at least from my point of view. When I first heard it, I heard it on the soundtrack, without any visuals. And naturally, I thought it was awesome. When you hear it alone, though, what images come to your head?
A picture of the soundtrack cover, then the Meat Loaf Bat Out of Hell covers, are shown with the song still playing.
NC: (Voiceover) See, I think of something out of the Meat Loaf cover, like monsters singing, skeletons on guitar, or something really, really cool like that. But then, when I finally saw the movie, what did I get?
Rasputin: ♫ Soon she will feel that her nightmares are real. ♫
NC: Prancing pink bugs. (beat) FAIL!
NC: (Voiceover) But that's just how I was introduced to it, and even then, I still had to acknowledge it's a pretty rockin' song, even if sometimes the lyrics weren't always top-notch.
Rasputin: ♫ I can feel that my powers are slowly returning! Tie my sash and a dash of cologne for that smell! ♫
NC: (Voiceover) Wow! That's really stretching it, guys.
NC: Tie my sash... in a dash of cologne...for that smell?
NC: (Voiceover) Well, whether you like the lyrics or not, it's still a really fun, enjoyable song, and it's well worth the number 6 spot on the countdown.
Rasputin: ♫ Find her now. Yes, fly ever faster. ♫
All: ♫ In the dark of the night. In the dark of the night. In the dark of the night... ♫
Rasputin: ♫ She'll be mine! ♫
NC: Number 5 - Poor Unfortunate Souls from The Little Mermaid.
NC: (Voiceover) Ursula, from The Little Mermaid, gives us a crazy send-up to all of those in need, making her horrible, evil powers look like acts of genuine kindness.
Ursula: ♫ Poor unfortunate souls. In pain, in need. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) I like how pleasant and calm this song starts out, and moves very slow, almost like a waltz.
Ursula: ♫ I admit that in the past I've been a nasty. They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) But by the end, it turns into a madhouse of CRAZINESS!
Ursula: ♫ You poor unfortunate soul. It's sad but true. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) The faster and faster it gets, the crazier and more intense the decisions become.
Ursula: ♫ If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet. You've got the pay the toll. Take a gulp and take a breath. And go ahead and sign the scroll. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) It just shows all the power-hungry energy that lies within the character, which, of course, is the purpose of most villain songs: just showing off the villain. The song looked great and sounded great. Therefore, Ursula looked great and sounded great.
Ursula: ♫ To those poor unfortunate souls! ♫
NC: (Voiceover) The energy, the movement, the chaos, this is a great song for a great villain.
Ursula: ♫ The boss is on a roll. This poor unfortunate soul! ♫
NC: Number 4 - The Cell Block Tango* from Chicago.
- On the list, it's referred to as He Had It Comin'
NC: (Voiceover) If you are like me, this is the point where you knew Chicago was going to be a great movie, because before that, you had three songs which were OK, but weren't really anything spectacular. THIS is where the movie started to kick ass. It's the merry murderesses of the Crookem County Jail, singing about how they did away with the men who pushed them too far.
All: ♫ If you'd have been there. If you'd have heard it. I betcha you would have done the same! ♫
NC: (Voiceover) The stories are really entertaining, the dancing is great, and I just love the way it's shot and put together. This is NOT an easy musical to make a screen adaptation from, but the director did a really good job in giving it its own environment without it seeming awkward. Though, really, couldn't you shoot any of it in Chicago? I mean, it's CALLED CHICAGO! But I digress. The movement of the camera and speed of the editing is almost like a dancer in and of itself.
Velma: ♫ They had it coming ♫
Girls: ♫ They had it coming ♫
Velma: ♫ They had it coming ♫
Girls: ♫ They took a flower ♫
Velma: ♫ All along ♫
NC: (Voiceover) That, and, of course, there's Catherine Zeta-Jones.
NC: (sighs in admiration) I don't care if you have a thing for rotting old flesh. (Speaks in a demonic voice) One day, you will be mine!
Velma: ♫ They had it coming. They had it coming. ♫
NC: You know, in actuality, I'm 84.
Velma: The spread eagle.
NC: You can spread my endangered species any day.
NC: (Voiceover) I always find my favorite part of most villain songs is near the ending, because that's where it really builds up and becomes the most bombastic, and this song is no exception.
All: ♫ The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) Again, it's my favorite song in the movie. I just love how aggressive and intense it gets.
All: ♫ They had it coming all along, 'cause if they use us, then they abuse us! ♫
NC: (Voiceover): I'd absolutely let any of these ladies kill me as long as this song was attached.
All: ♫ He had it coming. He had it coming. He only had himself to blame. If you'd have been there. If you'd have seen it. I betcha you would have done the same! ♫
NC: Number 3 - Be Prepared from The Lion King.
NC: (Voiceover) Be Prepared is enjoyably menacing, turning a bunch of slack-jawed hyenas into the fucking Third Reich.
A bit of the hyena march is shown with a superimposed video of Adolf Hitler saying (with superimposed subtitles): "First Pride Rock, the the world!"
NC: (Voiceover) It's so cool to watch. You got smoke everywhere, tilted angles all over the place, and a color scheme that goes from green and grainy to red and hellish.
Scar: ♫ And injustice deliciously squared. Be prepared! ♫
NC: (Voiceover) Give Jeremy Irons some credit, too. He actually tries to sing this damn thing instead of speak it all the way through, but does he succeed?
Scar: ♫ A shiny new era is tiptoeing nearer. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) Well, he sounds evil. That's all that matters. In fact, I love how even near the end of the song as everything is getting louder and more passionate, he still sort of keeps that strange British monotone.*
- This is inaccurate because the ending part that the Critic refers to was actually sung by Jim Cummings after Jeremy Irons lost his voice. This is mentioned in the Next Top 11 Fuck-Ups video, along with the Christopher Lloyd mistake.
Scar: ♫ Meticulous planning. Tenacity spanning. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) Dude, you're on a mountain of evil! How about a little oomph in your voice?
NC: (Imitating Scar) Be king undisputed, respected, salute ... How am I gonna get down from here?
NC: (Voiceover) Well, it still kicks ass, and is, by far, my favorite song in the entire movie, because, let's be honest, nothing offsets a song like the Circle of Life than a song about murder.
All: ♫ Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared. Be prepared! ♫
NC: Number 2 - Secret of Survival from The Wind in the Willows/Mr. Toad's Wild Ride (1996).
NC: (Voiceover) Now I doubt any of you have seen or even heard about this song from the film, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, but trust me. It's just straight-up awesome.
Weasels: ♫ It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world. It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) If you haven't seen this live-action version of The Wind in the Willows, eh, don't. It doesn't make much sense, it's kind of annoying, and everything talks. Oh, I don't mean just the animals, I mean EVERYTHING. The sun, the clock, even the water. The water FUCKING TALKS! It's like Peewee's ... Earth. But it suddenly hightails into a world of kick ass when the weasels enter the picture and sing this really cool song.
Weasels: ♫ First you see us, then you don't. Now you hear us, now you won't. It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) The images are dark, even scary for younger kids, and the melody itself almost sounds like a racing heartbeat.
Weasels: ♫ Don't come walking in the wildwood if you haven't got a gun. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) The only downside is that it IS a short song. Most villains songs are like 2-3 minutes long and this one's only one minute, but it takes advantage of every second it has. The shadows, the angles, the harsh tone it creates. It's like one of those weird, surreal music videos from the 80s, but in a good way. And, of course, like in most villain songs, it only gets more and more threatening the further it goes on.
Weasels: ♫ You're in the wildwood, and every child could tell you that you've got no business to be here. Ah-hh-hh-hh. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) If you haven't seen or heard this song yet, check it out. In my opinion, it's one minute of awesomeness you won't soon be forgetting.
Weasels: ♫ It's our secret of survival. It's our secret of survival. It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world! ♫
NC: And the Number 1 Greatest Villain song is ... ... Hellfire from The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
NC: (Voiceover) Granted, it's in a children's movie, and a Disney one at that, but this villain song really took chances and explored the tortured psyche of one of Disney's greatest bad guys. It's centered around Judge Frollo, who has fallen into a lustful obsession with the gypsy fugitive, Esmeralda, and even though he's not a priest in this version, he still considers himself very religious, and his impure thoughts about the woman send him into an ethical battle from Hell.
Frollo: ♫ This burning desire is turning me to sin. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) I think these guys are the best. I don't even know what they symbolize. They just scare the shit out of all the little children who see 'em.
Frollo: ♫ It is the gypsy girl. The witch who sent this flame. It's not my fault. He made the devil so much stronger than a man. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) It's an interesting song, too, because he's not singing about how evil he is, rather how he's slipping into deep insanity brought on by his sexual desire, and that the only cure is to destroy the obsession itself, or rather, herself.
Frollo: ♫ Destroy Esmeralda, and let her taste the fires of Hell, or else let her be mine and mine alone. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) As far as kids' films go, it has all the no-nos: half-naked women, sexual cravings, religious taboos, and all under the name of the Mouse.
A superimposed picture of Mickey Mouse appears over the fire.
Mickey Mouse (Voiced by NC): Ha-ha! I'll see you in everlasting damnation. Ha-ha!
NC: (Voiceover) This is one of the most dramatic and well thought out of all the villain songs, and its visuals match the music and lyrics perfectly.
Frollo: ♫ God have mercy on her. God have mercy on me. ♫
NC: (Voiceover) It's probably the most risque Disney has ever gotten, and those who love villains couldn't be happier for it. Intense, diabolical, vengeful, sexual, conflicting, Hellfire seems to have it all, which is why I can easily deem it the number 1 villain song.
Frollo: ♫ SHE ... WILL ... BUUUUURN! ♫
NC: And those are my Top 11 Villain Songs. I hope you enjoyed the list. And ... (sighs) Next week, I gotta look over Quest for Camelot. My only hope is that the songs in that movie are half as good as the songs that I've mentioned here.
A clip of a two-headed dragon (Devon and Cornwall) dressed like Elvis is shown, singing the ending of "If I Didn't have You"
NC: (long sigh) I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
The audio from the clip is played. The Critic lets out another long sigh as he leaves.
CHANNEL AWESOME TAG
Frollo: I had a little trouble with the fireplace.