Top 11 Strangest (Yet Best) Couples
February 11th, 2014
(Shortened version of the opening. Cut to NC... lying on the bed)
NC: (talking slowly and seductively) Hello. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (beat) Happy Valentine's Day. And on this, the sexiest time of the year, I'm spending my time at Alma-Con, where there's a lot of sexy guests around here. And I managed to get one of them in my room right now. (turns around to someone) Isn't that right, sexy guest?
(This guest is... LittleKuriboh?)
LittleKuriboh: That's right, Pooky.
NC: D'AAAAH! LittleKuriboh?! You're not Monica Rial!
LK: Well, no, they couldn't get her, so they sent a replacement.
NC: (stammering) I don't think this is gonna work the same way.
LK: If it gets weird, we'll just stop.
(period of silence)
NC: Okay. (hugs LittleKuriboh with disgust and continues his opening speech) So, seeing how it is the sexiest time of the year... (as he speaks, LittleKuriboh snuggles up to NC) we, of course, partake in many– Okay, it got weird. (throws LK out of the room) OUT! OUT! GET OUTTA HERE!
LK: But I really think we have something.
NC: Go back to Team Four Star!
(LK goes away sadly. NC sits on the bed and sighs in relief)
NC: Well, let's still get on with this list. If there's anything that I've noticed over the years, it's that the greatest couples are usually the strangest couples.
(We see the final shot of Disney's "Cinderella", showing the main heroine and Prince Charming kissing)
NC (vo): The whole idea of the romantic couple that meets love at first sight, carried off on the horse and live happily ever after... yeah, that's pretty much bullshit now. (red "X" covers the screenshot)
(We are shown lots of images of romantic couples as NC speaks)
NC (vo): Today's love stories are weird, quirky, odd, out of the norm, because people are waking up and realizing that's how reality is. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. People are weird, and love is weird. It makes us do crazy things, and rather than be ashamed of it, it makes more sense to celebrate it. So what I plan to do today is count down the Top 11 strangest but also most loveable couples that media has ever given us. They're the couples that didn't follow the fairy tale road and instead wrote their own story, breaking the mold and making theirs the most memorable and unique.
NC: So, get ready! This is the Top 11 Strangest and, kind of by obvious connection, Greatest Couples.
(More images of famous couples (one of them being Mario and Luigi) are shown as the overture for Romeo and Juliet plays, before the title "The Top 11 STRANGEST Romantic Couples" appears. This will serve as the interlude to the countdown)
NC (vo): Number 11: Jessica and Roger from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Definitely one of the original odd couples as, quite clearly, they're polar opposites. One is a sexy, gorgeous-looking hot woman, the other is, well, a rabbit. And sure enough, there's just something about him that drew her to him. But what is it? The movie is surprisingly very vague about it. The only information we ever get out of her is...
Eddie Valiant: Seriously, what do you see in that guy?
Jessica Rabbit: He makes me laugh.
NC (vo): And that's it. And maybe that's what strangely kind of draws us to this couple. There is this mystery, there is this strange question. How do they make it work? How do they actually find each other attractive? But the cool thing about it is, you realize, maybe it goes beyond that. Maybe Jessica just is looking for her polar opposite. I mean, she doesn't seem particularly funny or goofy or have a lot of energy or anything, so it kind of makes sense that she would go for someone like Roger. Roger, if you realize, never really looks at her like a sex object, where everybody else does. He doesn't see a scorching hot woman he wants to get in bed with, he just sees a very kind, loving person that he wants to marry. While everybody else in the movie either howls at her, doesn't trust her, or even treats her like a bad guy, Roger's always there to show his love and support. And that's pretty cool. This is one of those few relationships where the vagueness is actually what makes it so intriguing. They're not onscreen together for very long, but that just makes you wonder all the more what they're doing to make this relationship work. I mean, they're clearly happy. Neither one ever has a bad word to say about the other. Jessica even manages to put a lot on the line, breaking her husband's heart so that he can continue to work. Now, granted, maybe she could've told him that, going into all this, but I don't know. The one element in this movie that's actually not that great is the mystery, ironically.
(Judge Doom is shown)
NC (vo; in a sarcastic dumb voice): Gee, I wonder who did it! (normal) But the reason why these two love each other is a genuine mystery, one we enjoy trying to figure out. It's a strange combination that for some reason works, and we always enjoy seeing them come together.
Jessica Rabbit: Come on, Roger, let's go home. I'll bake you a carrot cake. (Roger chuckles)
NC (vo): Number 10: Sally and Don from 3rd Rock From the Sun. She's an alien from outer space, he is a horrible cop, and neither one ever catches on.
NC (vo): Number 9: Theodore and Samantha from Her. Of course a relationship this strange had to make it into the mix, especially seeing how one isn't even human.
NC (vo): Number 8: Parry* (mispronounced "Perry" on the screen) and Lydia from The Fisher King. He's a mentally ill homeless man, she's a socially awkward woman who's afraid of the world.
NC (vo): Number 7: Dr. Girlfriend and the Monarch from Venture Brothers. He's a diabolical supervillain, she... doesn't quite sound right.
Dr. Girlfriend: (in a clear, male voice) What the hell is that thing doing in our bed?
NC (vo): The relationship in this show has definitely had their ups and downs, but through it, you surprisingly want to see them get together.
Monarch: (seeing Dr. Girlfriend in a sexy costume) Man, oh, manatee! Oh, where did you get that (?).
Dr. Girlfriend: You like it? It's the prototype of my Dr. Mrs. The Monarch costume.
Monarch: I don't want to be picky, but... you're gonna trip on those wings.
NC (vo): You always laugh at his ridiculous outfit and his patheticness, and you always kinda laugh at her strange voice, but when you look past that, there is sort of a strange connection that really works. They get jealous of one another, and they bicker, and they argue, but when they do, you know it's not out of wanting to control the other, it's more out of that they actually really do care about each other.
Monarch: (to Dr. Girlfriend) Come here. Sit on your king's ever-expanding throne. (she sits on his lap)
NC (vo): And even when they do get angry at each other, there's never a sense that it's an abusive relationship, like with Joker and Harley. They just seem angry, like a lot of couples can get. But when they come together to work on a scheme, it's like honey on... um, Jackie Kennedy-style gloves. There's just no separating the two. Definitely crazy, and by no means perfect, Dr. Girlfriend and the Monarch are a creepy, crazy, caring couple.
Dr. Girlfriend: (standing in the Monarch's doorway) Monarch!
Dr. Girlfriend: Excuse me?
Monarch: Oh, sorry, pookums. (takes her in his arms) Welcome home!
(Suddenly, his wings sprout, blocking the door)
Dr. Girlfriend: Great.
Monarch: You deployed my wings with your ass.
NC (vo): Number 6: Violet and Corky from Bound. As much as people love to praise the Wachowski brothers for The Matrix or Cloud Atlas or whatever, (Poster for those two films are shown) Bound is still, in my opinion, their magnum opus. Not only is it a great suspense film noir, but it has a surprisingly believable couple in it. This movie was made in the 90s where, as I mentioned before in another review, they didn't always write gay people the best.
NC (vo): Number 5: Batman and Catwoman. If the Joker is Batman's villainous opposite, Catwoman is Batman's villainous similarity. Both have a lot in common, in that they both dress up in costumes, they both fight crime, and they do what they think is best for the law, while operating outside of the law. The only difference is, Catwoman will more break the law in order to get to the greater good. Batman, for the most part, doesn't. She'll steal, cheat, lie, and destroy anybody who gets in her way. She doesn't really pick a side, good or bad, she just does what she thinks is best. Sometimes that means hurting bad people, sometimes that means hurting good people. Batman has a stronger, ethical code, but not by much. He's still crazy enough to dress up in a costume and operate outside of the police department, which makes him almost as crazy as Catwoman. And it's this fine line that these two have always been walking that brings them so close together. Their on-again, off-again relationship has made them impossible not to watch. In the comic, in the animated series, and in the movies, there's always some romantic link to show how similar these two are. It's only in the tragic details that keep them separate.
(Footage from the animated series is shown)
NC (vo): Some versions, like in the cartoon, they seem almost cut from the same cloth: Both rich and both fighting for what they feel needs to be done.
(Images of Batman Returns are shown)
NC (vo): In the Burton movie, she's a little bit more of a psychotic, forming almost a split personality that Bruce feels he can save just in time. But the closer he gets, the more he realizes how similar they are, and that in reality, maybe they both need saving.
(Images of The Dark Knight Rises are shown)
NC (vo): In The Dark Knight Rises, they make more of a better duo than a couple. They do legitimately kick ass and look pretty cool together, but the chemistry and romance is more of an afterthought. Was there ever a point in the movie where they really connected?
(Images of the comic are shown)
NC (vo): And, of course, in the comics, it's the craziest of relationships one can get. Sometimes knowing each other's secret identity, other times not, there's no denying these two share a special bond that is clearly their own. Whether you call it an epic love or hopelessly chaotic, there's no denying that these two give a clear definition to the term, "Crazy love".
Catwoman: Hm. Almost got him.
NC (vo): Number 4: Dan and Roseanne (from Roseanne) and Hal and Lois (from Malcolm in the Middle). I put these four in the same category because they are very similar. They're two couples that come from a very poor upbringing, have crap constantly fall on them the whole time, and week after week, always have to deal with new shit, whether from their job or their boss or their kids or whatever.
NC (vo): Shrek and Fiona from the Shrek movies. Now, for me, personally, I couldn't get much into the relationship in the first film. I mean, it's okay. It's not bad, you got Shrek as the disgusting ogre and then Fiona as...I guess, sort of a disgusting princess that sort of find this middle ground. But you got to go through that bullshit where they misunderstand one another and then they have to mope and...yeah, every romantic comedy horsecrap you've seen over and over. However, in Shrek 2, you see what happens after they get married, and they're actually a very likeable couple. In this scenario, the pretty princess becoming an ogre is the happy ending. She doesn't care how she looks, because she's found the one that she loves. And in the sequel, to impress her family, Shrek is willing to give up his appearance just like she gave up hers in order to make things right. But naturally, in the end, you find that's not what mattered to her. She loves him for who he is and who she always wants him to be. They share a surprisingly really strong chemistry. They're disgusting monsters, but they don't mind being disgusting monsters. As long as they have the love for each other, nothing else matters. And each of them, throughout the course of the movies, make sacrifices for one another as well. And when each has realized when they've done something that's gone too far, the other is always there to quickly forgive them. What works with them is when they're straightforward, showing each other the good, the bad, and, of course, the ugly. It's a very new kind of fairy tale ending that we all very much welcome. It's not the hideous monster turned into somebody beautiful, it's somebody beautiful being turned into the hideous monster, but realizing that even in that physical appearance, there can be a beauty that nobody else can deny. Shrek and Fiona show that it's not always easy being green, but it's always romantic.
Fiona: Now, where were we?
Shrek: Oh, I remember.
NC (vo): Number 2: Homer and Marge from The Simpsons. The Simpsons are definitely role models for the dysfunctional family, in that they show exactly how to be a dysfunctional family. And at the center of it is Homer always getting into stupid hair-brained schemes, and Marge always being there trying to rationalize and to keep things together.
NC (vo): And the Number 1 Strangest Couple of All Time is... Gomez and Morticia from The Addams Family. Whether in the show, the movie, the comic strip or even the cartoon, one thing the creepy and kooky Addams Family always got down is that Morticia and Gomez absolutely love each other. This is a family that lives in the macabre and love the dark and Gothic. They constantly try to maim and murder each other. Why? Because it feels good, because it's just what they enjoy. They adore living in the sick and twisted. And even with their family, you find that through all the really crazy stuff that they go through, the most important element is always their family. In the movies, I always sort of question how can these villains possibly do them any harm when they always harm themselves anyway. What is there to lose? In fact, half the time, they praise the villains for the crazy schemes that they have. But then it hit me: the one point that you don't cross with them is family. The villains always try to separate the family, and that's always the move that goes too far. And at the center of it is Gomez and Morticia being the most obsessed couple ever. It's not just love, it is adoring one another. They cannot stay away from each other. Every second they're on-screen, they're always praising the other, whether it's in front of people or just on their own, every time you see them together, they just look so content, like they are in heaven, just being in one another's presence. And of course, they don't fit into the norm and they do scare people and they do make them feel uncomfortable. But the reason that the show and the movies and everything else has been such a hit is because they're such a joy that they take out of it. And that joy does come from the love that they constantly share with one another. What they have is bizarre, but it's always loving. It's always with such enthusiasm, and it's always with such passion. Whenever they do something grotesque, you can see in their eyes they're only doing it because they think it'll please the other. Little can upset them, because there isn't much to be upset about. As long as they have each other, they are constantly on Cloud Nine. Creepy, kooky, mysterious and spooky, and altogether ooky... which, by the way, whoever used the word "ooky"? I don't get that... Gomez and Morticia are both the strangest and most romantic couple the world has even seen.
(Cut to Gomez and Morticia sitting together in a graveyard, on a gravestone shaped like a couch)
Morticia: Someday, we'll be buried here, side by side, six feet under, for all eternity.
Gomez: (breathless) Cara mia.
Morticia: Mon sauvage. (they embrace and kiss deeply)
(Cut back to the NC, now back lying in bed and speaking seductively)
NC: And speaking of love, I got a nice, sexy replacement for this, the sexiest time of the year. (Turns around to someone) Isn't that right?
(That someone next to him this time is Kirbopher)
Kirbopher: Oh, you bet your ass, sweetcheeks.
NC and Kirbopher: AAAAAHHH!!
NC: You're not Brina Palencia!
Kirbopher: You're not LittleKuriboh!
(The credits roll)