Top 11 Strangest (Yet Best) Couples
February 11th, 2014
(Shortened version of the opening. Cut to NC... lying on the bed)
NC: (talking slowly and seductively) Hello. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (Beat) Happy Valentine's Day. And on this, the sexiest time of the year, I'm spending my time at Alma-Con, where there's a lot of sexy guests around here. And I managed to get one of them in my room right now. (turns around to someone) Isn't that right, sexy guest?
(This guest is... LittleKuriboh?)
LittleKuriboh: That's right, Pooky.
NC: D'AAH! LittleKuriboh?! You're not Monica Rial!
LK: Well, no, they couldn't get her, so they sent a replacement.
NC: (stammering) I don't think this is gonna work the same way.
LK: If it gets weird, we'll just stop.
(Period of silence)
NC: Okay. (hugs LittleKuriboh with disgust and continues his opening speech) So, seeing how it is the sexiest time of the year... (As he speaks, LittleKuriboh snuggles up to NC) we, of course, partake in many– Okay, it got weird. (throws LK out of the room) OUT! OUT! GET OUTTA HERE!
LK: But I really think we have something.
NC: Go back to Team Four Star!
(LK goes away sadly. NC sits on the bed and sighs in relief)
NC: Well, let's still get on with this list. If there's anything that I've noticed over the years, it's that the greatest couples are usually the strangest couples.
(We see the final shot of Disney's "Cinderella", showing the main heroine and Prince Charming kissing)
NC (vo): The whole idea of the romantic couple that meets love at first sight, carried off on the horse and live happily ever after... yeah, that's pretty much bullshit now. (red "X" covers the screenshot)
(We are shown lots of images of romantic couples as NC speaks)
NC (vo): Today's love stories are weird, quirky, odd, out of the norm, because people are waking up and realizing that's how reality is. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. People are weird, and love is weird. It makes us do crazy things, and rather than be ashamed of it, it makes more sense to celebrate it. So what I plan to do today is count down the Top 11 strangest but also most loveable couples that media has ever given us. They're the couples that didn't follow the fairy tale road and instead wrote their own story, breaking the mold and making theirs the most memorable and unique.
NC: So, get ready! This is the Top 11 Strangest and, kind of by obvious connection, Greatest Couples.
(More images of famous couples are shown: Al and Jeanie Tomaini (the freak show stars), the newlyweds dressed as zombies from a Dead Island Riptide-style wedding, Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood, and Mario and Luigi. During that, the overture for Romeo and Juliet plays, before the title "The Top 11 STRANGEST Romantic Couples" appears. This will serve as the interlude to the countdown)
NC (vo): Number 11: Jessica and Roger from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Definitely one of the original odd couples as, quite clearly, they're polar opposites. One is a sexy, gorgeous-looking hot woman, the other is, well, a rabbit. And sure enough, there's just something about him that drew her to him. But what is it? The movie is surprisingly very vague about it. The only information we ever get out of her is...
Eddie Valiant: Seriously, what do you see in that guy?
Jessica Rabbit: He makes me laugh.
NC (vo): And that's it. And maybe that's what strangely kind of draws us to this couple. There is this mystery, there is this strange question. How do they make it work? How do they actually find each other attractive? But the cool thing about it is, you realize, maybe it goes beyond that. Maybe Jessica just is looking for her polar opposite. I mean, she doesn't seem particularly funny or goofy or have a lot of energy or anything, so it kind of makes sense that she would go for someone like Roger. Roger, if you realize, never really looks at her like a sex object, where everybody else does. He doesn't see a scorching hot woman he wants to get in bed with, he just sees a very kind, loving person that he wants to marry. While everybody else in the movie either howls at her, doesn't trust her, or even treats her like a bad guy, Roger's always there to show his love and support. And that's pretty cool. This is one of those few relationships where the vagueness is actually what makes it so intriguing. They're not onscreen together for very long, but that just makes you wonder all the more what they're doing to make this relationship work. I mean, they're clearly happy. Neither one ever has a bad word to say about the other. Jessica even manages to put a lot on the line, breaking her husband's heart so that he can continue to work. Now, granted, maybe she could've told him that, going into all this, but I don't know. The one element in this movie that's actually not that great is the mystery, ironically.
(Judge Doom is shown)
NC (vo; in a sarcastic dumb voice): Gee, I wonder who did it! (normal) But the reason why these two love each other is a genuine mystery, one we enjoy trying to figure out. It's a strange combination that for some reason works, and we always enjoy seeing them come together.
Jessica Rabbit: Come on, Roger, let's go home. I'll bake you a carrot cake. (Roger chuckles)
NC (vo): Number 10: Sally and Don from 3rd Rock From the Sun. She's an alien from outer space, he is a horrible cop, and neither one ever catches on. Sally is described in the alien world to be the security officer, and top of that, male. A super-aggressive, testosterone-filled male. So when Sally is put in a female body, she doesn't know how to react to it. But the person that helps her through a lot of it is Don. He's a cop, but he's also a scaredy-cat. He's lazy, never in control, and is downright terrible at his job. Sally, who knows much more about weaponry and being a badass, is able to teach him how to be a bit more tough, while he, in return, can teach her not to be so blood-hungry. One of the things that makes them so great is that they are such a bizarre combination, but they just enjoy each other's company so much. Look at the way she stares at him; she just looks at that guy like he's the sexiest man in the world! And he just seems so happy that beautiful woman is giving him a chance that he'll put up with any of the strangeness that she him through. Over time, they form a very genuine relationship that's based more on trust than it is looks. And of course, the other element that makes them such a good couple is how forgiving they are. There's an especially great episode where Sally wants to pose nude for a magazine, but Don doesn't want her to, even though he clearly looks at other women in other magazines. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? In the end, it almost doesn't even matter, because each one always finds a way that makes a compromise to the solution. And that's a pretty cool thing that couple should do. They're odd, they're strange, and they're totally out of control; it's a match made in the strangest recesses of space.
Sally: (yelling over noise at a bar) So, what should I do the next time I want you to do something you don't want to do?
Don: How about we don't do it?
Sally: (long pause) Interesting! (Don laughs)
NC (vo): Number 9: Theodore and Samantha from Her. Of course a relationship this strange had to make it into the mix, especially seeing how one isn't even human. Samantha is an artificial intelligence designed to please Theodore, based around his personality. She's just supposed to do simple stuff that most computers do, with a human touch, but the A.I. forms such a personality that eventually he falls in love with her. And in a strange way, you can kinda see why. Her ability to learn and her programming to want to continue to learn helps her form a very genuine personality, a very likable personality. She becomes complex, she becomes smart, she becomes emotional, and that just draws our main character all the more to her. Theodore is already a very lonely guy, he almost never goes outside, he just stays in playing video games and such, and to him, the most important part of a relationship is a woman's mind. Well, Samantha is nothing but a mind, so she seems relatively perfect. He can't see her, he can't touch her. All he can do is hear her. And I guess, in many relationships, where couples claim they don't listen enough, in this one, that's all they can do, all building up to the climax of the film that I won't give away, but let's just say is perfectly fitting. The great thing about this relationship is that it's a total Rorschach test: you can look at it and say, "Oh, what a charming love story that doesn't have to center around sex or anything like that," but you can also look at it and say, "Boy, what a creepy tale of a pathetic person that really scared me." And both have a lot of basis in truth. You know he should probably get with a real person, but at the same time, he does respect this creation as, well, just her own person. I guess, in many ways, that makes it one of the most complex relationships ever put on film, and certainly one of the most bizarre couples ever created. Who needs romancing of the heart when you have romancing of the mind?
Samantha: What's it like to be alive in that room right now?
Theodore: I wish I could put my arms around you. I wish I could touch you.
Samantha: How would you touch me?
NC (vo): Number 8: Parry* (misspelled "Perry" on the screen) and Lydia from The Fisher King. He's a mentally ill homeless man, she's a socially awkward woman who's afraid of the world. Parry sees so much in her, though, and always watches her from afar. And when he finally gets up the courage to ask her out, it's an uncomfortable match made in heaven. Neither one can talk straight, neither one can look each other in the eye, neither one can be comfortable, and they're both nervous wrecks. It's almost like watching two kids try to figure out what it means to go on a date. At first, her shyness gets in the way, and she thinks she's never gonna be good enough for anybody, that she's not deserving and she's just gonna have her heart broken. But Parry does what he does best: obsess. Only this time, his obsession is over something that seems very well-meaning and... actually kind of lovely.
Parry: (to Lydia) You don't feel as wonderful as everybody else, and feeling as alone and as separate as you feel you are and... I think you're the greatest thing since spice racks. I won't be distant. I'll come back in the morning, and I'll call ya if you let me.
NC (vo): It's a great moment when these two finally realize they can be happy, and they can be happy together. Even though they're still unbelievably socially awkward, they can at least be socially awkward together. They're probably the only two who want to understand each other. Every single time he sees her, his world is dancing, that's how he sees everything. And thus understanding each other also helps them understand themselves, building their confidence and their strength. It's weird, it's uncomfortable, it's a perfect unique love that they can call all their own.
Lydia: You can call me. (goes into her room)
Parry: She didn't leave a number.
NC (vo): Number 7: Dr. Girlfriend and the Monarch from Venture Brothers. He's a diabolical supervillain, she... doesn't quite sound right.
Dr. Girlfriend: (in a clear, male voice) What the hell is that thing doing in our bed?
NC (vo): The relationship in this show has definitely had their ups and downs, but through it, you surprisingly want to see them get together.
Monarch: (seeing Dr. Girlfriend in a sexy costume) Man, oh, manatee! Where did you get that number?
Dr. Girlfriend: You like it? It's the prototype of my Dr. Mrs. The Monarch costume.
Monarch: I don't want to be picky, but... you're gonna trip on those wings.
NC (vo): You always laugh at his ridiculous outfit and his pathetic-ness, and you always kinda laugh at her strange voice, but when you look past that, there is sort of a strange connection that really works. They get jealous of one another, and they bicker, and they argue, but when they do, you know it's not out of wanting to control the other; it's more out of that they actually really do care about each other.
Monarch: (to Dr. Girlfriend) Come here. Sit on your king's ever-expanding throne. (she sits on his lap)
NC (vo): And even when they do get angry at each other, there's never a sense that it's an abusive relationship, like with Joker and Harley. They just seem angry, like a lot of couples can get. But when they come together to work on a scheme, it's like honey on... um, Jackie Kennedy-style gloves. There's just no separating the two. Definitely crazy and by no means perfect, Dr. Girlfriend and the Monarch are a creepy, crazy, caring couple.
Dr. Girlfriend: (standing in the Monarch's doorway) Monarch!
Dr. Girlfriend: Excuse me?
Monarch: Oh, sorry, pookums. (takes her in his arms) Welcome home!
(Suddenly, his wings sprout, blocking the door)
Dr. Girlfriend: Great.
Monarch: You deployed my wings with your ass.
NC (vo): Number 6: Violet and Corky from Bound. As much as people love to praise the Wachowski brothers for (poster for the following are shown:) The Matrix or Cloud Atlas or whatever, Bound is still, in my opinion, their magnum opus. Not only is it a great suspense film noir, but it has a surprisingly believable couple in it. This movie was made in the '90s where, as I mentioned before in another review, they didn't always write gay people the best. The idea was that their gayness was their personality and not much more. But the great thing about this couple is that they do have very defined personalities and they have some real on-screen chemistry. A lot of people gave the movie flack for their one or two erotic scenes and their saying it was just soft porn, but to me, it's not different than when you see a straight couple making out in a movie; it's supposed to be a little erotic. But here, you actually do believe they're in love. Corky is tough and determined; a little bit of a grease monkey, too. Violet is much more subdued, but definitely has a devious, diabolical mind. Together, they have to scheme to get revenge on her husband, a crazy-obsessed Mafia hitman, while also managing to get her out of her mob connections without getting whacked. And, of course, a million things go wrong. And the more crazy things get, the more they try to look after the other and make sure they come out okay. And every single time one is in trouble, the other one is there to get them out of the predicament. There's something so legitimately badass about them, kinda like Bonnie and Clyde, only Bonnie and... Cly...dine... What's the female "Clyde"? I don't care, they're just cool. They're diabolical, they're scheming, and, in many ways, they're kind of their polar opposites: one much more aggressive and tough, and the other more soft-spoken and subdued. They compliment each other perfectly in a bizarre situation that needs a bizarre solution. But when they put their heads together, they come up with a bizarre answer, mostly from being a bizarre couple.
Corky: You know the difference is between you and me, Violet?
Corky: Me neither.
NC (vo): Number 5: Batman and Catwoman. If the Joker is Batman's villainous opposite, Catwoman is Batman's villainous similarity. Both have a lot in common, in that they both dress up in costumes, they both fight crime, and they do what they think is best for the law, while operating outside of the law. The only difference is, Catwoman will more break the law in order to get to the greater good. Batman, for the most part, doesn't. She'll steal, cheat, lie, and destroy anybody who gets in her way. She doesn't really pick a side, good or bad, she just does what she thinks is best. Sometimes that means hurting bad people, sometimes that means hurting good people. Batman has a stronger, ethical code, but not by much. He's still crazy enough to dress up in a costume and operate outside of the police department, which makes him almost as crazy as Catwoman. And it's this fine line that these two have always been walking that brings them so close together. Their on-again, off-again relationship has made them impossible not to watch. In the comic, in the animated series, and in the movies, there's always some romantic link to show how similar these two are. It's only in the tragic details that keep them separate.
(Footage from the animated series is shown)
NC (vo): Some versions, like in the cartoon, they seem almost cut from the same cloth: Both rich and both fighting for what they feel needs to be done.
(Images of Batman Returns are shown)
NC (vo): In the Burton movie, she's a little bit more of a psychotic, forming almost a split personality that Bruce feels he can save just in time. But the closer he gets, the more he realizes how similar they are, and that in reality, maybe they both need saving.
(Images of The Dark Knight Rises are shown)
NC (vo): In The Dark Knight Rises, they make more of a better duo than a couple. They do legitimately kick ass and look pretty cool together, but the chemistry and romance is more of an afterthought. Was there ever a point in the movie where they really connected?
(Images of the comic are shown)
NC (vo): And, of course, in the comics, it's the craziest of relationships one can get. Sometimes knowing each other's secret identity, other times not, there's no denying these two share a special bond that is clearly their own. Whether you call it an epic love or hopelessly chaotic, there's no denying that these two give a clear definition to the term "crazy love".
Catwoman (animated series): Hm. Almost got him.
NC (vo): Number 4: Dan and Roseanne (from Roseanne) and Hal and Lois (from Malcolm in the Middle). I put these four in the same category because they are very similar. They're two couples that come from a very poor upbringing, have crap constantly fall on them the whole time, and week after week, always have to deal with new shit, whether from their job or their boss or their kids or whatever. They both come from couples where the women clearly calls the shots at home, and the man constantly tries to keep up while showing support. What makes both of them work so well, though, is that they're both constantly on the same page. They understand one another, they finish each other's sentences as well as each other's jokes, they support one another, they play with one another, they sarcastically insult one another, but always in a very loving way. Any other couples would take these as incredibly hurtful, but for them, it's just everyday talk. It's how they communicated such a bad situation, and they both understand that, because at the end of the day, you clearly see they enjoy being with each other. They're active, they're energized, they're silly, they're joking. Any time they say something that a lot of people would think is too harsh, you realize it's just their way of coping and saying that I understand, I'm going through the same thing, because half the jokes they make to one another, they also make about themselves. They know that not being rich and being social outcasts is actually okay. They celebrate it. It's what makes them who they are. It's what makes them unique. And even if it turns out the neighborhood hates them, they don't give a shit. They love themselves and each other, and that creates more than enough strength to help them get through anything. They're bitter, they're sarcastic, and they wouldn't have it any other way. They're the perfect couple of couples to be joyfully miserable.
Roseanne: (in bed with Dan) Hey, let's not waste the chocolate buns. (she claps her hands and the lights go out; they hug)
NC (vo): Shrek and Fiona from the Shrek movies. Now, for me, personally, I couldn't get much into the relationship in the first film. I mean, it's okay. It's not bad, you got Shrek as the disgusting ogre and then Fiona as...I guess, sort of a disgusting princess that sort of find this middle ground. But you got to go through that bullshit where they misunderstand one another and then they have to mope and...yeah, every romantic comedy horsecrap you've seen over and over. However, in Shrek 2, you see what happens after they get married, and they're actually a very likeable couple. In this scenario, the pretty princess becoming an ogre is the happy ending. She doesn't care how she looks, because she's found the one that she loves. And in the sequel, to impress her family, Shrek is willing to give up his appearance just like she gave up hers in order to make things right. But naturally, in the end, you find that's not what mattered to her. She loves him for who he is and who she always wants him to be. They share a surprisingly really strong chemistry. They're disgusting monsters, but they don't mind being disgusting monsters. As long as they have the love for each other, nothing else matters. And each of them, throughout the course of the movies, make sacrifices for one another as well. And when each has realized when they've done something that's gone too far, the other is always there to quickly forgive them. What works with them is when they're straightforward, showing each other the good, the bad, and, of course, the ugly. It's a very new kind of fairy tale ending that we all very much welcome. It's not the hideous monster turned into somebody beautiful, it's somebody beautiful being turned into the hideous monster, but realizing that even in that physical appearance, there can be a beauty that nobody else can deny. Shrek and Fiona show that it's not always easy being green, but it's always romantic.
Fiona: Now, where were we?
Shrek: Oh, I remember.
NC (vo): Number 2: Homer and Marge from The Simpsons. The Simpsons are definitely role models for the dysfunctional family, in that... they show exactly how to be a dysfunctional family. And at the center of it is Homer always getting into stupid hair-brained schemes, and Marge always being there trying to rationalize and to keep things together. Both have their very obvious faults, Homer being naive and often very selfish, and Marge being too protective and not always opening up to the real world. Between them, though, they do show that, within all this insanity, there's a connection that only they can forge. Homer always gets into trouble, and any rational woman would have left him years ago, but Marge sees that very much like a big child, he just doesn't know any better. And when he does make an effort, even if it backfires, she does see that he is trying very hard to make that effort. When he does feel bad that he let somebody down, he feels legitimately sad. Nothing about him is phony, it's just not very intelligent. And for Marge to see that in Homer, especially when most people would leave him in a millisecond, shows a very kind and devoted heart. Does she forgive him too many times? Probably. Does Homer get in more trouble than it's worth? Definitely. But still, at its core, you see a couple that's constantly trying. Why? Because they love each other that much. Neither one ever wants to give up on the effort. Neither one says, "Oh, it's only my spouse, they're not important." Even at times when they're pushed to the breaking point, when they think they might not love each other anymore, all they have to do is look in each other's eyes and realize there was never truly any doubt.
Homer: (embracing Marge) Who am I kidding? I love you more than ever!
Marge: I love you, too!
Homer: Sorry to scare you like that, babe! (they kiss)
NC (vo): Their marriage is constantly put into jeopardy, but surprisingly, every time it is, we don't want to see them break apart. Despite all the insane stuff that happens, we do find they work very well together. It is dysfunctional and it is flawed, but there's so much effort, and there's so much caring to try and make it work that you realize that's the most important element in all of this. It's totally ludicrous and doesn't always make a lot of sense, but hey, neither does love all the time. For all the hell that these two have put each other through, you realize the only reason they could stay together must be out of true love.
Homer: (sighs, as Marge drives) I got a problem. Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and I'll never be able to let you go.
NC (vo): And the Number 1 Strangest Couple of All Time is... Gomez and Morticia from The Addams Family. Whether in the show, the movie, the comic strip or even the cartoon, one thing the creepy and kooky Addams Family always got down is that Morticia and Gomez absolutely love each other. This is a family that lives in the macabre and love the dark and Gothic. They constantly try to maim and murder each other. Why? Because it feels good, because it's just what they enjoy. They adore living in the sick and twisted. And even with their family, you find that through all the really crazy stuff that they go through, the most important element is always their family. In the movies, I always sort of question how can these villains possibly do them any harm when they always harm themselves anyway. What is there to lose? In fact, half the time, they praise the villains for the crazy schemes that they have. But then it hit me: the one point that you don't cross with them is family. The villains always try to separate the family, and that's always the move that goes too far. And at the center of it is Gomez and Morticia being the most obsessed couple ever. It's not just love, it is adoring one another. They cannot stay away from each other. Every second they're on-screen, they're always praising the other, whether it's in front of people or just on their own, every time you see them together, they just look so content, like they are in heaven, just being in one another's presence. And of course, they don't fit into the norm and they do scare people and they do make them feel uncomfortable. But the reason that the show and the movies and everything else has been such a hit is because they're such a joy that they take out of it. And that joy does come from the love that they constantly share with one another. What they have is bizarre, but it's always loving. It's always with such enthusiasm, and it's always with such passion. Whenever they do something grotesque, you can see in their eyes they're only doing it because they think it'll please the other. Little can upset them, because there isn't much to be upset about. As long as they have each other, they are constantly on Cloud Nine. Creepy, kooky, mysterious and spooky, and altogether ooky... which, by the way, whoever used the word "ooky"? I don't get that... Gomez and Morticia are both the strangest and most romantic couple the world has even seen.
(Cut to Gomez and Morticia sitting together in a graveyard, on a gravestone shaped like a couch)
Morticia: Someday, we'll be buried here, side by side, six feet under, for all eternity.
Gomez: (breathless) Cara mia.
Morticia: Mon sauvage. (they embrace and kiss deeply)
(Cut back to the NC, now back lying in bed and speaking seductively)
NC: And speaking of love, I got a nice, sexy replacement for this, the sexiest time of the year. (Turns around to someone) Isn't that right?
(That someone next to him this time is Kirbopher)
Kirbopher: Oh, you bet your ass, sweetcheeks.
NC and Kirbopher: AAAAAHHH!!
NC: You're not Brina Palencia!
Kirbopher: You're not LittleKuriboh!
(The credits roll)