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[[Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts]]
[[Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts]]
[[Category:Countdown Lists]]
[[Category:Countdown Lists]]

Revision as of 12:10, June 13, 2015

Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments


July 11, 2013
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(The opening)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Knock knock! Who's there? "Lord of the Rings" is AWESOME!

(Footage from the film series)

NC (voicover): After winning critical praise, box-office praise, tons of awards, changing the way many blockbusters are made, and being one of the best known film trilogies of all time, who the hell is gonna argue with that? "Lord of the Rings" went from being "the story that could never be filmed" to the best known film fantasy of all time.

NC: But that doesn't mean it doesn't have some dumbass moments.

(An arrow is fired at him from the left, but NC ducks, making the arrow hit a viewer and causing her to scream in agony)

NC (voiceover): I mean, with 558 minutes of film, of course there's gonna be problems here and there, and when you have a film series that needs to bring in a big crowd, you need to take big risks. Some of them pay off; some...not so much, and hey, it's still good to look over the weaker aspects of a film, because--truly, no film is without flaws, and it's fun to review the mistakes and creative choices that, maybe in the future, could be tinkered with more, especially seeing how technically these films are still being made, and while on the subject, I'm not gonna put "The Hobbit" films in there seeing how they're still in the process of being put out, and I'm also not gonna draw too many differences from the books. It's an adaptation, things have to be changed, I get that. I'm only judging these goofy choices in the realm of the films themselves.

NC: So, let's look over one of cinema's greatest accomplishments, by acknowledging it's Top 11 greatest downfalls. Why Top 11?

Gollum: S-S-Stupid fat hobbit!

NC: This is the Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments.

(Title for "The Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments" with NC singing LotR gibberish)

(For each interlude on the Top 11, NC sings mock Elvish over "The Followship of the Ring" Aragorn/Arwen romance scene with the number fading onto the screen)


NC (voicover): Number 11--Just Letting Gandalf Die... Yeah, kinda shocked nobody ever talks about this one. In the book, as well as in the animated movie, when Gandalf is facing the Balrog, the Balrog uses the whip to drag him down with him, causing Gandalf to shout, "Fly, you fools!" as he plunges to his death.

Gandalf (Bakshi): (falling to his death) Fly, you fools!

NC (voiceover): But in "Fellowship," he hangs onto the cliff, most likely trying to make the line more dramatic.

Gandalf: Fly, you fools!

(Gandalf falls to his death)

NC (voiceover): But the question is, "If he's hanging onto the cliff, why is everyone just looking at him?" Nobody thinks to run over and actually pull him up! Go! Save him! He's right there! You've still got time, you little idiots! No! I take it back! Frodo does! It's one of the few times he actually tries to take action, but what do they do? They hold him back! Why? There's no reason to! I suppose if you wanna go out on a stretch, you could make the assumption that maybe the Orcs are firing at them, but hell, if you're just going to stand there and look at him anyway, the very least you could do is be a moving target by walking forward and picking him up, but uh-uh. Boromir is like...

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Boromir) No no. He's gone. (then mimicking Gandalf) Bullshit, I am! I'm right here! (then Boromir) He's never coming back. (then Gandalf) I haven't even left yet! (Boromir) We must move on without him. (Gandalf) I can hear every word you're saying! (Boromir) Remember he told us to fly. (Gandalf) Yes! Fly forward and grab me please! (Boromir) He will live forever in our hearts. (Gandalf) I'd much rather live the real way. (Boromir) Our gone. (Gandalf) Oh, fuck this noise. (falls to his death) Tell Bilbo I never liked hiiiiiimmmmm!!!!

Frodo: NOOOOOO!!!

NC (voicover): It still makes no sense what so ever. The only justification I can have for this is that, well, it did give us a cool intro to "Two Towers."

(Gandalf lands on the Balrog and stabbing it)

NC: I mean, come on! That opening was awesome...even if they did...

NC (voicover): in a giant lake and somehow ended up on top of a mountain.

NC: In fact, why were they concerned for him if he could survive...

NC (voicover): ...a fall into a lake and yet still have the strength to walk up to the top of a mounta--

NC: Ah, I've nitpicked this one enough.

Gandalf: Fly, you fools!

(Gandalf falls to his death)

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC (voiceover): Number 10--Those Bajillion Endings. Yeah, you all knew this was coming. On the one hand, you can't blame these people for having an ending that goes on forever. I mean, it's wrapping up 3 very big, very long movies. Lots of characters and stories need closure, but that's not what I take issue with. What I take issue with is the fake uts. Every other second, it looks like the credits are about to roll. Instead, they keep the plot going. At first, it looks like it's going to end with Sam and Frodo together on the volcano, but then it keeps going. Then it looks like it 'sgoing to end with them reuniting, but then it keeps going! Then it looks like it going to end with them in Minas Tirith, BUT THEN IT KEEPS GOING!! AND THERE'S STILL 5 MORE ENDINGS ON TOP OF IT!!! There's so many goddamn fake outs in this film, you could confuse it for the ending of "Clue"!

Frodo: Here at the end of all things.

(The screen fades out, the words, "That's how it could have happened. But how about this?" from Clue pop up, Frodo and Sam smile at each other, the screen fades out again, the words, "But here's what really happened." pop up)

Frodo: How do you pick up the threads of a new life...

NC (voiceover): It doesn't help either that ending 1.2 looks a lot like a curtain call.

NC (mimicking curtain call man): Ladies and gentlemen, your Lord of the Rings players: Billy Boyd and Dominic Monoghan as Merry and Pippin, John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Rudy (Sean Astin) as Sam, "Big-Scary Eyes" (Elijah Wood) as Frodo, and Sir Ian McKellen as the always enduring, always heartwarming Gan--UWAHHHH!!! That is fucking terrifying! Please don't show that aga--AHHHHHH!!!!! By Jesus, that's gonna haunt my nightmares! Stop that!

NC (voiceover): Now, for a lot of people, these several endings are a big complaint, but, I put it pretty low on the list, because, honestly, I actually do like the endings. I mean, yeah, there's too many and they fake you out too many times, but the actual endings themselves are very potent and kind of touching. So, on the whole, I can't be that angry at them. Maybe just...a little angry...and a little terrified.

(We see Gandalf laughing with a creepy face, and then NC making that same face and laugh)

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC (voiceover): Number 9--Gimli's Idiot Moments. So, again, when making an adaptation as big as "Lord of the Rings," you can't go into quite as much details as the books can. So, a good chunk of the time, characters have to be simplified; understandable enough. But, good god, what did they do to Gimli?

Gimli: Arr, yes. The dwarves that go swimming...with little hairy women! HA HA HA HA!

NC (voiceover): At first, he started off okay. He was simple and emotional, but still had a sense of honor and dignity.

Gimli: Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath!

NC (voiceover): But as the movies went on, he just got goofier...

(Gimli hiccups)

NC (voiceover): ...and goofier...

Gimli: What do trees have to talk about, except the consistency of squirrel droppings?

NC (voiceover): ...and goofier.

(Gimli faints)

NC (voiceover): He went from being his own unique flavor of badass to just silly comic relief.

Gimli: Ugh, you could've picked a better spot./I cannot jump the distance so you have to toss me./Not the beard!

NC (voiceover): Even he seemed to realize that his whole race merely existed to get a chuckle out of the real heroes.

Gimli: It's true you don't see many dwarf women. And in fact, they're often mistaken for dwarf men. And this in turn give them rights in beliefs that there are no dwarf women, and the dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground.

(Éowyn laughs)

NC: Don't believe me? Just watch this scene and tell me if the punch-line music doesn't write itself.

(Gimli's horse rides off and Gimli falls off, followed by the wha wha music, cuts to a clip of Thorin Oakenshield from The Hobbit)

NC (voiceover): It's ironic that we would have to wait for a prequel to actually get a dignified dwarf character, but until that time, we only had Gimli as the dignified representation of the dwa--ugh!

Gimli: Salted pork...

NC (voiceover): Thank God he had his badass moments in there too, because if not, I think this would be Middle Earth's interpretation of dwarf Blackface.

Gimli: It's a little tight across the chest.

(wha wha music)

Gimli: Salted pork...

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC (voiceover): Number 8--Legolas' Perfect Moments. If one character can be too flawed, then another can be too perfect. Again, Legolas started out as a very precise, some-what advanced hero in the 1st movie, but as the films went on, you start to wonder why he couldn't just fight this war himself. Look at this son of a bitch, while everyone's doing their best to fight off soldiers on ground...

Aragorn: Legolas!

NC (voiceover): Yeah! Aragorn's like, "Hey Legolas, would you mind bringing down a 5-story elephant? Come on! You can do that in your pointy eared sleep!" But the bizarre thing is: HE CAN! Without ever batting an eye. Is their even a bead of sweat on his forehead?

(Legolas kills an elephant with an triple arrow shot, followed by "The T-Rex Song")

NC (voiceover): Why is it there was even still a struggle at Helm's Deep? At first, it looks like all are gonna have to fight, but then, look, they suddenly get an army of giant dinosaur elephant killers. This battle should be over in 10 minutes. Look at the scene from earlier: their fighting skills seemed too good to be true.

(The elves fire arrows at the the orc army, and then the elves struck at the army with the swords)

NC (voiceover): (mimicking elves) Ha ha! We knew they would come at us in descending order from left to right, resulting in this cool ass shot! Everything is coming up Elf!

NC (voiceover): But even with all these badasses on their side at Helm's, even then Legolas has to show going shield-surfing. I'm sure that was essential to taking out those 5 guys you could've just as easily killed walking down the stairs.

(Legolas shoots the shield into an orc)

NC (voiceover): (mimicking orc): Rarr--Oh my god! That was awesome!

NC (voiceover): In fact, I'm surpised Legolas didn't just end this whole war in one fowl swoop! He's so friggin 'perfect, I'm sure he could do it.

NC (as Aragorn): Legolas, a great evil is spawning in Mordor.

Rachel (as Legolas): Fear not, my flawed mortal friend. I shall handle this...

(She shoots her arrow (which contains the ring on the needle) into Mount Doom, destroying Sauron)

Rachel (as Legolas): Like a motherfucking boss.

NC (voiceover): Legolas, you're too good to be true, and precisely the problem.

("The T-Rex Song" plays again as Legolas leaps off the elephant)

Gimli: That still only counts as one.

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC (voiceover): Number 7--Those Close-up Shots. I've mentioned this before how a lot of movies and shows back then felt they needed to get a lot of wide-angle close-up shots. This would be fine if the idea was to create an uncomfortable scenario, but for a while, it seems like a lot of directors did it just to be different and artsy, and here, it's no exception. While this decision did tone down big time in the other 2 movies, and thank God for that, we had to put up with quite a lot of it in "Fellowship of the Ring," and don't get me wrong; sometimes, it's called for, like this scene, where Frodo is about to put the ring on at "The Prancing Pony," which, by the way, might not be the best name for a place like this.

NC: I look at the atmosphere and I feel more...

(A close-up picture of one man with a pipe accompanied with the words...)

NC (voiceover): ..."The Decaying Mule." But like I said, here, it's supposed to be a little off and uncomfortable, so the close-ups work, but come on, when Bilbo is just talking normally, do we really need to be this close? Even when Gandalf is saying, "Good bye," look at that! You can count the wrinkles under his eyeballs. How would you like if I filmed conversations like this?

(Note: This conversation is filmed with each faces close-up)

NC: Hey, Malcolm, did you hear they might be getting a new judge for "American Idol?"

Malcolm: Yeah, I heard they might be getting a new host, too.

NC: Oh really, you mean they're getting rid of...what's his name?

Malcolm: Yeah, what is that guy's name again?

(Santa Christ grabs Malcolm's arm, surprising him)

Santa: Is it Seacrest? Is he safe?

NC (voiceover): I know we're supposed to feel close to the characters, but good God, we don't need to be this close.

Gandalf: Is it secret? Is it safe?

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC (voiceover): Number 6--Denethor. Just...just Denethor. If there's any character I think was more over-the-top simplified in these movies, it's this one, and I know a lot of you may disagree, but I got some serious issues with this guy. Everyone describes him as a Shakespearean villain, being very complex and very sympathetic.

Denethor: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

NC (voiceover): Well, I'm glad you guys saw that, but for me, I just saw a crazy asshole. The whole time, he seems to have just two settings: extreme jerk or extreme nutball. Yeah, when he's not frowning, or slobbering, or shaking his head screaming, that leaves very little room to actually feel sorry for him, which I'm told is the intention they were going for.

Denethor: You will not take my son from me!/The line has ended!/Gondor is mine!/Abandon your post!/Flee for your lives!

NC (voiceover): It looks like there was supposed to be a real tragic element to him, like he used to be a dignified steward and has gone mad with power, but there's just so little dignity you can see in this guy, and I know the idea is that he's supposed to have lost all his honor, but you're supposed to give some idea that there was some honor there to begin with, and you don't really get that. The only time the guy actually has sympathy, for me, was when he found out about Boromir's death and, oddly enough, when Pippin is offering his surfaces.

Pippin: Until my lord release me...of death.

Denethor: And I shall not forget it...nor fail to reward that which is given.

NC (voiceover): He does actually seem thankful and somewhat kind in this brief moment, and I'm not saying we need a ton of that, but we just need more than what we got, but no, we need obvious symbolism to show that the decision makers in their ivory towers don't understand the fragility of life.

(Denethor is shown eating, while his army fights against the orcs)

Pippin (singing): Mist and and shade...all shall...fade.

(Thoughout the scene, the words, "WAR IS BAD" flash at the bottom of the screen)

NC: I'm ignorantly benign!

(The words, "Don't be a Douche, Don't Start a War" pop-up at the bottom of the screen)

NC (voiceover): Come on! If I wanted slurping disgustingness, I'd watch more of Gimli.

(Gimli hiccups)

NC (voiceover): Even his death seems over-the-top goofy! Just when they're about to give him something close to a remorseful moment, what do they do?

(Denethor begins to burn in the fire and then runs out of the bonfire)

NC (vocieover): W-W-W-Wh--This isn't "Lord of the Rings." It's a fucking "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon.

(NC mimics Curly's woop-woop sounds from The Three Stooges)

NC (voiceover): All I gotta say is, if you were looking to create a sorrowful Shakespearean villain, my guess is you need a little more dignity than this.

(Gandalf beats up Denethor with his staff, with "Tom and Jerry" sound effects representing the hits)

NC: We'll be back in a bit, until then...let the emotional weight of this scene sink in.

(NC mimics "Three Stooges" sound effects as a burning Denethor falls to his death)

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Denethor) Hey, I can see them filming "Hobbit Part 12" from heeeere!

(Commercial Break)

(We come back from commercial break)

NC: That man can burn...that man can burn...Number 5...

(Interlude to the next entry)


Dead Body (from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"): (voiceover) I'm Not Dead!

NC (voiceover): There's a saying that nobody ever really dies in TV, that's there's always a way to bring a popular character back. Well, the same definetely can be said for "Lord of the Rings" movies. First they think Gandalf is dead...

(He's alive! Hallelujah!)

NC (voiceover): Then they think Merry and Pippin are dead...

(They're alive! Hellelujah!)

NC (voiceover): Then they think Aragorn is dead...

(He's alive! Hallelujah!)

NC (voiceover): Then they think Frodo is dead...

(He's alive! Hallelujah!)

NC (voiceover): Good God! I thought the ending had too many fakeouts! This is like a new world record! Hell, they probably cut this "Mouth of Sauron" scene from "Return of the King" because it was twice that they did a Frodo death fakeout.

Mouth of Sauron: I have a token I was bidded to show thee. (He presents Frodo's mithril shirt) Know that he suffered greatly at the hands of his host.

NC (as Aragron): We've done this! We've done this already!

Rachel (as Legolas): The whole "spider killing him" thing.

Malcolm (as Gimli): It didn't fool us then, it isn't fooling us now.

NC (as Aragorn): Honestly, we just want you to open your gate for a moment. Legolas!

(Rachel fires an arrow (with the ring) into Mount Doom, destroying Sauron)

Malcolm (as Gimli): That still only counts as one!

(The three shrug for the "wha wha" sound effect)

NC (voiceover): In fact, I think the only reason Boromir never came back is because Sean Bean has it in his contract that he has to die in every single role that he's in, and stay dead. But everyone else--eh, death is just a roadblock to pass. It's like they build up that no matter what, these characters are fucking invincible. Look at this, how many times do they throw themselves into an army of killers and never even come out with a scratch on them? The funniest is probably this one with Aragorn and Gimli...

(Aragorn and Gimli fight through the hoard)

NC (voiceover): That is fucking ridiculous! This long line of killer monsters all being taken down by two men--one of them half the size of the rest of them. Even in the final climax, they know they have nothing to fear. Listen to how they talk.

Gimli: Certainty of death...small chance of success...what are we waiting for?

NC (mimicking Gimli): We've done this a million times! Even if we die, we're bound to bounce right back. Hell, we have an entire (the undead army is shown) army of dead people. It's like having a cold: (back to NC) you're out of commision for a bit, but you come back swinging.

NC (voiceover): Nothing like walking through "The Valley of the Shadow of Death," when that "Valley" is just the size of a thimble.

(Aragorn and Gimli fight through the hoard)

NC (voiceover): That is fucking ridiculous!

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC (voiceover): Number 4--

Elrond: Arwen's Life is Now Tied to the Fate of the Ring.

NC (voiceover): Eh? Now, there's no doubt that Arwen's role has been expanded in the movies, and to be honest, I really don't mind. It's a bit of a sausage fest in here anyway, and hell, even the woman who does join the fight has to pretend she has a sausage, so having her do more stuff, I think was a welcomed addition, but then we get this really weird nonsense...

Elrond: Arwen is dying. The light of the Eeven star is failing. As Sauron's power grows, her strength wanes.

NC (voiceover): Uh, how the hell did that happen? We get something about the "Light of Bru-Ha-Ha" that's now somehow tied to Sauron growing because...I have no clue. It was made up for the movie, I guess as a means to give Aragorn something else to fight for, or...maybe keep her more out of the way so that they're being reunited would mean more, I'm not sure what the intention was, but brother, does it make no sense. What is that light thing she gave up? If it makes her mortal, then how come none of the other mortal people in Middle Earth are dying? In fact, if it does make her mortal, then how come they were talking about how much it's gonna suck when she stays immortal in that other scene? In fact, hell, they make immortality look like such a bitch, she'd probably be welcoming death by this point. In most cases like this, you can say that it's explained in the book, but this was a new scene, and talked in very little detail about it. The more I think about it, maybe it would've be cooler if they wrote in that she went to fight with the rest of the army. She was originally filmed in the Helm's Deep battle, until they edited her out. Wouldn't it be nice to give her a little more battle damage than...a branch from a tree. Ooh, look at that scar! It shows she's tough and pushes on after battling...prickly leaves. I don't know, if you're gonna expand the character, at least do it in a way that makes sense. Until then, look pretty, cry, and...don't cut any hedges.

Elrond: Arwen's Life is Now Tied to the Fate of the Ring.

NC (voiceover): Eh?

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC (voiceover): Number 3--Sam and Frodo's Gayness.

NC: OK, now let me make one thing perfectly clear before anyone has a heart attack: if Sam and Frodo were actually gay in the story, I wouldn't care.

NC (voiceover): Hell, it'd be cool. Maybe they'd be the first gay characters in fantasy...(a "He-Man" picture is briefly shown in the upper-left corner) openly gay anyway, but that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that the intention was not to show the power of love, it was meant to show the power of friendship. Having a friendship and being in love are two different things. There's the love you share for a person you have an attraction for and want to spend the rest of your life with, but there's also the love for a determined person who will always have your back and be by your side, and the reason that bugs me is that this relationship, while I do believe unintentionally makes them look more romantic than friendly, is that it's obvious Tolkien wanted to show the strength of friendship, for reasons of nobility and caring, rather than lust or romance. Lust and romance is fine and we see it everywhere in big epic stories, but that's not what this is about. This is about two people who care for each other as the closest of companions, and truth be told, there's only a few popular stories I can think of that really dive into that. You don't often see two people of the same gender who give up their life for the other just for the reason of friendship. If it's opposite genders, pfft fuck it, almost always hook by the end of the story. So that's why I think it's more important that a friendship element was played up more than a romantic one, and again, I don't think it was intentional, but it's still hard to ignore that it comes off that way, and so much of that comes from just how friggin' lame these lines are. Let's just look at some of these scenes again.

Sam: Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, dad? Yes, my boy. The most famousist of hobbits, and that's saying alot.

Frodo: You left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam. Frodo wouldn't have gotten far without Sam.

Sam: Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make fun. I was being serious.

Frodo: So was I.

NC (voiceover): I'm just waiting for Gollum to roll his eyes and say, "Oh Christ! Just propose already!" And even the friendship slash romance doesn't always make sense. Frodo sends Sam away because he thinks he ate the last of the Lembas Bread. Fair enough, he's possesed by the Ring and being manipulated like Gollum, but Sam actually starts to oblige, until he makes this little discovery...what exactly is he supposed to realize there? (mimicking Sam) So I didn't eat it! (regular voice) Wouldn't his return have been a lot more powerful if they didn't show this scene? If Sam just said, "Fuck it! He's my friend! I'm gonna go and fight for him anyway!" That would've been a lot more noble, but no, he had to realize that he didn't eat the bread that he realized already he...didn' Like I said, I don't think it was intentional, but the more cheesy these scenes are played out, the more you can't help but think of a corny romantic novel, so you can't act surprised at the comparisons, and I think we all know there's plenty of those. Granted at the end, the relationship does work: Sam gets married, Frodo goes on his own path, and they do share a connection you legitimately believe in...just maybe you believe in it a little more than what was intended.

Sam: I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you.

(Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You plays as Sam carries Frodo up the mountain)

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC: (voiceover) Number 2--Saru...Who? There is no doubt that the biggest fuck-you to a character came with Saruman, the only human villain you had throughout any of these movies, was completely left out of Return of the King. What the hell? He doesn't even make an appearance, a wave goodbye, or anything. He just doesn't show up. This is the guy who was the center of the poster in the last film. Your major villain second only to that giant eye-thingy and he doesn't even get a little wave goodbye? What a rip-off! Now, in one sense, you could make the argument in that Sauron is the villain so you don't need a ton of time with Saruman anyway, but there's two big problems with this: One. The excuse that they give is not to go after him, that he's too harmless now to do any real damage. Fucking what?

Gimli: Well, let's just have his head and be done with it.

Gandalf: No. He has no power anymore.

Treebeard: The filth of Saruman is washing away.

NC: Yeah, he's learned his lesson. I mean, come on. What are the chances of an ancient evil that we don't kill all the way possibly coming back and biting us in the as... (Sauron growls) That doesn't count. He's an eye.

NC: (voiceover) And second, they had a perfectly good scene of him shot and edited already. Yeah, if you go to the extended edition, it's right there. Right at the very beginning. It ties up all loose ends. The connection between him and Grima, a final send-off between him and Gandalf, and yes, they don't just ignore the big, evil genius who could obviously cause trouble later. (Legolas shoots Saruman) He's killed off and in a pretty cool way I may add. (Saruman falls from the tower) Well, I'm sure he can survive tha... (He then lands on a spike) Maybe not. I guess this scene was cut for time, which normally I would understand. For a film this long you don't want to overstay your welcome, but it's the second scene in the movie! Nobody is goning to be bored by the first few minutes! Really, do you think anyone was gonna watch this and be like, "Ah, this first two minutes isn't grabbing me. I'm sure the next 3 hours will be more eventful." God, if it's a time issue, why didn't you shorten one of the other gajillion endings that you had? That's where people started to bitch and moan. They didn't need to know every single detail that went on after the war was over. But we did need to know that happened to one of your biggest villains in the entire film series! Of course, we all love to see the bad guy get the short end of the stick in the end, but next time, try letting us actually see it because that short end of the stick can impale pretty nicely.

(His death is shown again)

NC (as Saruman): Hey Gandalf, do you still have that two-for-one coupon that can get you an extra life at the Pearly Gates? (as Gandalf) Sorry, already used it. (as Saruman) Oh crud.

(Interlude to the next entry)


NC: (voiceover) And the number one dumbest Lord of the Rings moment is...Those eagles that could've stopped everything.

NC: (voiceover) Everyone in the world brings it up and of course, so am I. Why don't these creatures of awesomeness just fly over Mount Doom and drop the ring off themselves? It's obvious that if they wanted to win this war more quickly and more logically, they would've used these damn things from the beginning. And every excuse that people throw out in terms of the movie never holds water. "Oh, well, they're eagle gods who don't want to get involved in our world affairs." Well, that doesn't stop them from interfering one, two, and now three times in all of this (shows a picture of a Scene from The Hobbit). "Well, they wouldn't have be able to get very far. The evils of Mordor are just too great." Oh, I don't know, they made it to the gate. They seem to be fighting off those Ringwraith things pretty good, and even if they didn't, you could have Gandalf reflect his night light reflect them off like he did before. It doesn't seem like Mordor has very many of those evil flying things. "Well, much like Gandalf, they would have been tempted to use it themselves and become evil in the process." For what? A two hour flight? If Frodo can resist for days on end, I think all the wise spirit gods can hold out as well, and shit, how the hell are they gonna put that ring on their claw anyway? "Well, they stick out too much. A sneak attack makes much more sense in the grand scheme of things." Really? Because how many times do Sam and Frodo get spotted, captured, and injured? For every day it takes them to walk on foot, thousands of lives are probably being lost. Let's face it, people. It's only by pure fucking LUCK that this plan worked at all. Even Gandalf several times in the movie acknowledges this was probably the dumbest strategy they've ever come up with.

Gandalf: I've sent him to his death.

NC: (as Gandalf) Oh, why the hell did I do this? I should've used the eagles.

NC: (voiceover) I think all of us know how the ending of this film really should've gone down.

NC: Let's go back to the scenario we demonstrated before.

Mouth of Sauron: I have a token I was...

NC (as Aragorn) Yeah yeah yeah. Legolas.

(Rachel's Legolas fires the arrow at the ring wraith dragon as Malcolm's Gimli flies by on an eagle catching it)

Malcolm (as Gimli) The dwarves say Merry Christmas, mother-fucker.

(He tosses the ring into Mount Doom destroying Sauron)

NC (as Aragorn) Whiskey.

(He holds up a mug as Rachel pours some beer into it and the clink and drink while Pig Power in the House plays)

NC: (voiceover) Even the series How It Should Have Ended did their take on this.

Sam (?): Well, that was incredibly easy

Gimli (?): Yes, it was

Frodo (?): Can you imagine what it would be like if we walked the entire way.

All: Don't be silly. Oh my god.

NC: (voiceover) You can make up whatever excuse you want. You can say that one way or another, this was the right thing to do, but for me, this is by far the dumbest Lord of the Rings moment.


NC: Now, let's count down the most awesome Lord of the Rings moments. Oh wait, we can't because there's too fucking many.

NC: (voiceover) Despite these problems and I'm sure even more that exist, it doesn't change the fact the Lord of the Rings is one the best film trilogies of all time. It gave so much, it changed so much, and as much as we like to poke fun at it, there's still just too much to like about it.

NC: As for me, I'm off to partake in the ancient Middle Earth art of dwarf tipping. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.

Gimli: (offscreen) Salted pork.

(He is knocked out offscreen)

(The credits roll followed by an outtake)

Rachel as Legolas: I shall handle this. (Her arrow falls off her bow)

Doug as Aragorn: You missed.

(Channel Awesome logo)

Gimli: With little hairy women.

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