FANDOM


(Fixed some typos, and added more exaggeration.)
m
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==#10==
 
==#10==
   
NC (voiceover): Number 10--Those Bajillion Endings. Yeah, you all knew this was coming. On the one hand, you can't blame these people for having an ending that goes on forever. I mean, it's wrapping up 3 very big, very long movies. Lots of characters and stories need closure, but that's not what I take issue with. What I take issue with is the fakeouts. Every other second, it looks like the credits are about to roll. Instead, they keep the plot going. At first, it looks like it's going to end with Sam and Frodo together on the volcano, but then it keeps going. Then it looks like it going to end with them reuniting, but then it keeps going! Then it looks like it going to end with them in Minas Tirith, BUT THEN IT KEEPS GOING!! AND THERE'S STILL 5 MORE ENDINGS ON TOP OF IT!!! There's so many goddamn fadeouts in this film, you could confuse it for the ending of "Clue"!
+
NC (voiceover): Number 10--Those Bajillion Endings. Yeah, you all knew this was coming. On the one hand, you can't blame these people for having an ending that goes on forever. I mean, it's wrapping up 3 very big, very long movies. Lots of characters and stories need closure, but that's not what I take issue with. What I take issue with is the fakeouts. Every other second, it looks like the credits are about to roll. Instead, they keep the plot going. At first, it looks like it's going to end with Sam and Frodo together on the volcano, but then it keeps going. Then it looks like it going to end with them reuniting, but then it keeps going! Then it looks like it going to end with them in Minas Tirith, BUT THEN IT KEEPS GOING!! AND THERE'S STILL 5 MORE ENDINGS ON TOP OF IT!!! There's so many goddamn fake outs in this film, you could confuse it for the ending of "Clue"!
   
 
Frodo: Here at the end of all things.
 
Frodo: Here at the end of all things.
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NC (mimicking curtain cal man): Ladies and gentlemen, your Lord of the Rings players: Billy Boyd and Dominic Monoghan as Merry and Pippin, John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Rudy as Sam, "Big-Scary Eyes" as Frodo, and Sir Ian McKellen as the always enduring, always heartwarming Gan--UWAHHHH!!! That is fucking terrifying! Please don't show that aga--AHHHHHH!!!!! By Jesus, that's gonna haunt my nightmares! Stop that!
 
NC (mimicking curtain cal man): Ladies and gentlemen, your Lord of the Rings players: Billy Boyd and Dominic Monoghan as Merry and Pippin, John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Rudy as Sam, "Big-Scary Eyes" as Frodo, and Sir Ian McKellen as the always enduring, always heartwarming Gan--UWAHHHH!!! That is fucking terrifying! Please don't show that aga--AHHHHHH!!!!! By Jesus, that's gonna haunt my nightmares! Stop that!
   
NC (voiceover): Now, for a lot of people, these several endings are a big complaint, but, I put it pretty low on the list, because, honestly, I actually do like the ending. I mean, yeah, there's too many and they fake you out too many times, but the actual endings themselves are very pointient and kind of touching. So, on the whole, I can't be that angry at them. Maybe just...a little angry...and a little terrified.
+
NC (voiceover): Now, for a lot of people, these several endings are a big complaint, but, I put it pretty low on the list, because, honestly, I actually do like the ending. I mean, yeah, there's too many and they fake you out too many times, but the actual endings themselves are very potent and kind of touching. So, on the whole, I can't be that angry at them. Maybe just...a little angry...and a little terrified.
   
 
(We see Gandalf laughing with a creepy face, and then NC making that same face and laugh)
 
(We see Gandalf laughing with a creepy face, and then NC making that same face and laugh)
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(Interlude to the next entry)
 
(Interlude to the next entry)
 
==#9==
 
==#9==
NC (voiceover): Number 9--Gimli's Idiot Moments. So, again, when making an adaptation as big as "Lord of the Rings," you can't go into quite as much details as the books can. So, a good chunk of the time, charcters have to be simplified; understandable enough. But, good god, what did you do to Gimli?
+
NC (voiceover): Number 9--Gimli's Idiot Moments. So, again, when making an adaptation as big as "Lord of the Rings," you can't go into quite as much details as the books can. So, a good chunk of the time, characters have to be simplified; understandable enough. But, good god, what did you do to Gimli?
   
 
Gimli: Arr, yes. The dwarves that go swimming...with little hairy woman! HA HA HA HA!
 
Gimli: Arr, yes. The dwarves that go swimming...with little hairy woman! HA HA HA HA!
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NC (voiceover): Even he seemed to realize that his whole race merely existed to get a chuckle out of the real heroes.
 
NC (voiceover): Even he seemed to realize that his whole race merely existed to get a chuckle out of the real heroes.
   
Gimli: It's true you don't see many dwarf women. And in fact, they're often mistaken for dwarf men. And this in turners give them rights in beliefs that there are no dwarf women, and the dwarts just spring out and fall to the ground.
+
Gimli: It's true you don't see many dwarf women. And in fact, they're often mistaken for dwarf men. And this in turners give them rights in beliefs that there are no dwarf women, and the dwarves just spring out and fall to the ground.
   
 
(Éowyn laughs)
 
(Éowyn laughs)
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Aragorn: Legolas!
 
Aragorn: Legolas!
   
NC (voiceover): Yeah! Aragorn's like, "Hey Legolas, would you mind bringing down a 5-storyelephant? Come on! You can do that in your pointy eared sleep!" But the bizarre thing is: HE CAN! Without ever batting an eye. Is their even a bead of sweat on his forehead?
+
NC (voiceover): Yeah! Aragorn's like, "Hey Legolas, would you mind bringing down a 5-story elephant? Come on! You can do that in your pointy eared sleep!" But the bizarre thing is: HE CAN! Without ever batting an eye. Is their even a bead of sweat on his forehead?
   
(Legolas kills an elephant with an srrow shot, followed by the "T-rex" song)
+
(Legolas kills an elephant with an arrow shot, followed by the "T-rex" song)
   
 
{{NCscripts}}
 
{{NCscripts}}

Revision as of 11:45, July 17, 2013

Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments

NostalgiaCritic-NostalgiaCriticTop11DumbestLordOfTheRingsMoments989

Released
July 11,2013
Running time
32:07
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(The opening)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Knock knock! Who's there? "Lord of the Rings" is AWESOME!

(Footage from the film series)

NC (voicover): After winning critical praise, box-office praise, tons of awards, changing the way many blockbusters are made, and being one of the best known film trilogies of all time, who the hell is gonna argue with that? "Lord of the Rings" went from being "the story that could never be filmed" to the best known film fantasy of all time.

NC: But that doesn't mean it doesn't have some dumbass moments.

(An arrow is fired at him from the left, but NC ducks, making the arrow hit a viewer and causing her to scream in agony)

NC (voiceover): I mean, with 558 minutes of film, of course there's gonna be problems here and there, and when you have a film series that needs to bring in a big crowd, you need to take big risks. Some of them pay off; some...not so much, and hey, it's still good to look over the weaker aspects of a film, because--truly, no film is without flaws, and it's fun to review the mistakes and creative choices that, maybe in the future, could be tinkered with more, especially seeing how technically these films are still being made, and while on the subject, I'm not gonna put "The Hobbit" films in there seeing how they're still in the process of being put out, and I'm also not gonna draw too many differences from the books. It's an adaptation, things have to be changed, I get that. I'm only judging these goofy choices in the realm of the films themselves.

NC: So, let's look over one of cinema's greatest accomplishments, by acknowledging it's Top 11 greatest downfalls. Why Top 11?

Gollum: S-S-Stupid fat hobbit!

NC: This is the Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments.

(Title for "The Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments" with NC singing LotR gibberish)

(For each interlude on the Top 11, NC sings the LotR gibberish over "The Followship of the Ring" Aragorn/Arwin romance scene with the number fading onto the screen)

#11

NC (voicover): Number 11--Just Letting Gandalf Die... Yeah, kinda shock nobody ever talks about this one. In the book, as well as in the animated movie, when Gandalf is facing the Balrog, the Balrog uses the whip to drag him down with him, causing Gandalf to shout, "Fly, you fools!" as he plunges to his death.

Gandalf (Bakshi): (falling to his death) Fly, you fools!

NC (voiceover): But in "Fellowship," he hangs onto the cliff, most likely trying to make the line more dramatic.

Gandalf: Fly, you fools!

(Gandalf falls to his death)

NC (voiceover): But the question is, "If he's hanging onto the cliff, why is everyone just looking at him?" Nobody thinks to run over and actually pull him up! Go! Save him! He's right there! You've still got time, you little idiots! No! I take it back! Frodo does! It's one of the few times he actually tries to take action, but what do they do? They hold him back! Why? There's no reason to! I suppose if you wanna go out on a stretch, you could make the assumption that maybe the Orcs are firing at them, but hell, if you're just going to stand their and look at him anyway, the very least you could do is be a moving target by walking forward and picking him up, but uh-uh. Boromir is like...

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Boromir) No no. He's gone.

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Gandalf) Bullshit, I am! I'm right here!

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Boromir) He's never coming back.

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Gandalf) I haven't even left yet!

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Boromir) We must move on without him.

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Gandalf) I can hear every word you're saying!

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Boromir) Remember he told us to fly.

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Gandalf) Yes! Fly forward and grab me please!

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Boromir) He will live forever in our hearts.

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Gandalf) I'd much rather live the real way.

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Boromir) Our friend...is gone.

NC (voiceover): (mimicking Gandalf) Oh, fuck this noise. (falls to his death) Tell Bilbo I never liked hiiiiiimmmmm!!!!

Frodo: NOOOOOO!!!

NC (voicover): It still makes no sense what so ever. The only justification I can have for this is that, well, it did give us a cool intro to "Two Towers."

(Gandalf lands on the Balrog and stabbing it)

NC: I mean, come on! That opening was awesome...even if they did...

NC (voicover): ...land in a giant lake and somehow ended up on top of a mountain.

NC: In fact, why were they concerned for him if he could survive...

NC (voicover): ...a fall into a lake and yet still have the strength to walk up to the top of a mounta--

NC: Ah, I've nitpicked this one enough.

Gandalf: Fly, you fools!

(Gandalf falls to his death)

(Interlude to the next entry)

#10

NC (voiceover): Number 10--Those Bajillion Endings. Yeah, you all knew this was coming. On the one hand, you can't blame these people for having an ending that goes on forever. I mean, it's wrapping up 3 very big, very long movies. Lots of characters and stories need closure, but that's not what I take issue with. What I take issue with is the fakeouts. Every other second, it looks like the credits are about to roll. Instead, they keep the plot going. At first, it looks like it's going to end with Sam and Frodo together on the volcano, but then it keeps going. Then it looks like it going to end with them reuniting, but then it keeps going! Then it looks like it going to end with them in Minas Tirith, BUT THEN IT KEEPS GOING!! AND THERE'S STILL 5 MORE ENDINGS ON TOP OF IT!!! There's so many goddamn fake outs in this film, you could confuse it for the ending of "Clue"!

Frodo: Here at the end of all things.

(The screen fades out, the words, "That's how it could have happened. But how about this?" from Clue pop up, Frodo and Sam smile at each other, the screen fades out again, the words, "But here's what really happened." pop up)

Frodo: How do you pick up the threads of a new life...

NC (voiceover): It doesn't help either that ending 1.2 looks alot like a curtain call.

NC (mimicking curtain cal man): Ladies and gentlemen, your Lord of the Rings players: Billy Boyd and Dominic Monoghan as Merry and Pippin, John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Rudy as Sam, "Big-Scary Eyes" as Frodo, and Sir Ian McKellen as the always enduring, always heartwarming Gan--UWAHHHH!!! That is fucking terrifying! Please don't show that aga--AHHHHHH!!!!! By Jesus, that's gonna haunt my nightmares! Stop that!

NC (voiceover): Now, for a lot of people, these several endings are a big complaint, but, I put it pretty low on the list, because, honestly, I actually do like the ending. I mean, yeah, there's too many and they fake you out too many times, but the actual endings themselves are very potent and kind of touching. So, on the whole, I can't be that angry at them. Maybe just...a little angry...and a little terrified.

(We see Gandalf laughing with a creepy face, and then NC making that same face and laugh)

(Interlude to the next entry)

#9

NC (voiceover): Number 9--Gimli's Idiot Moments. So, again, when making an adaptation as big as "Lord of the Rings," you can't go into quite as much details as the books can. So, a good chunk of the time, characters have to be simplified; understandable enough. But, good god, what did you do to Gimli?

Gimli: Arr, yes. The dwarves that go swimming...with little hairy woman! HA HA HA HA!

NC (voiceover): At first, he started off okay. He was simple and emotional, but still had a sense of honor and dignity.

Gimli: Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath!

NC (voiceover): But as the movies went on, he just got goofier...

(Gimli hiccups)

NC (voiceover): ...and goofier...

Gimli: What do trees have to talk about, except the consistency of squirrel droppings?

NC (voiceover): ...and goofier.

(Gimli faints)

NC (voiceover): He went from being his own unique flavor of badass to just silly comic relief.

Gimli: Ugh, you could've picked a better spot.

Gimli: I cannot jump the disjuntin hippitexin.*

  • Yeah, I don't get it either.

Gimli:Not the beard!

NC (voiceover): Even he seemed to realize that his whole race merely existed to get a chuckle out of the real heroes.

Gimli: It's true you don't see many dwarf women. And in fact, they're often mistaken for dwarf men. And this in turners give them rights in beliefs that there are no dwarf women, and the dwarves just spring out and fall to the ground.

(Éowyn laughs)

NC: Don't believe me, just watch this scene and tell me if the punch-line music doesn't write itself.

(Gimli's horse rides off and Gimli falls off, followed by the wha wha music)

NC (voiceover): It's ironic that we would have to wait for a prequel to actually get a dignified dwarf character, but until that time, we only had Gimli as the dignified representation of the dwa--ugh!

Gimli: Salted pork...

NC (voiceover): Thank god he had his badass moments in there to, because if not, I think this would be Middle Earth's interpretation of dwarf Blackface.

Gimli: It's a little tight across the chest.

(wha wha music)

Gimli: Salted pork...

(Interlude to the next entry)

#8

NC (voiceover): Number 8--Legolas' Perfect Moments. If one character can be too flawed, then another can be too perfect. Again, Legolas started out as a very precise, some-what advanced hero in the 1st movie, but as the film went on, you start to wonder why he couldn't just fight this war himself. Look at this son of a bitch, while everyone's doing their best to fight off soldiers on ground.

Aragorn: Legolas!

NC (voiceover): Yeah! Aragorn's like, "Hey Legolas, would you mind bringing down a 5-story elephant? Come on! You can do that in your pointy eared sleep!" But the bizarre thing is: HE CAN! Without ever batting an eye. Is their even a bead of sweat on his forehead?

(Legolas kills an elephant with an arrow shot, followed by the "T-rex" song)

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