Tom and Jerry (2021)
June 9, 2021
(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the intro. NC walks into his chair.)
NC: All right, everyone ready for the watch party to begin?
Malcolm: Hell yeah!
Tamara: What's on the docket tonight, Critic?
NC: Well, it's the Tom and Jerry movie!
Malcolm: Hell no!
Tamara: I thought you liked us, Critic.
NC: That's a lie and you know it, but it's not the one you're thinking of with a little girl, one of (cut to an image of the "We've got to have... MONEY!" meme superimposed on an astronaut on the moon) the first memes to walk the internet...
Malcolm: Does it matter? We know it's gonna suck!
NC: Hey, I thought you both were Tom and Jerry fans like me!
Tamara: Yeah, the old cartoons, but everything they've done recently has been shit.
NC: Doh, you two act like they've a long series of missteps, but this one's different. In this one, they meet-
Tamara: The Wizard of Oz?
Malcolm: Willy Wonka?
Tamara: The Nutcracker?
Malcolm: Sherlock Holmes?
Tamara: Robin Hood?
Malcolm: Johnny Quest?
Tamara: The Wizard of Oz again?
Malcolm: Chloë Grace Moretz?
NC: Yes! Now just sit back and enjoy the mayhem!
(NC presses play on a remote, and we cut to the opening of an old Tom and Jerry cartoon)
Tamara: Huh. This just looks like a regular Tom and Jerry cartoon.
NC: Yeah, it said it was the movie.
Malcolm: Well, this is fine, I... I love the original Tom and Jerry cartoon.
NC: Yeah, you're right, let's just sit back and enjoy it.
(Cut back to the cartoon, where Jerry slams a book in Tom's face, causing the three to laugh.)
Tamara: That is so Jerry!
(Cut back to the cartoon where Tom gets his fingers caught in a mouse trap, when we suddenly cut to a scene in Fantastic)
Ben Grimm: Oh, yeah, Ben...
(Cut to NC squinting his eyes from the sudden change)
Ben Grimm (vo): ...a few days in space...
Ben Grimm: ...it'll be great!
Malcolm: What the hell is this?
NC: It looks like all the worst parts from the Fantastic Four movies!
Tamara: So all of them?
NC: No, just the parts where they're trying to be funny.
Tamara: So all of them?
NC: Yes, all of them.
Person: A new day is done! Of the fantastic-
(Jerry bonks Tom on the head with a mallet)
NC: Oh, here we go.
(A bear trap clamps on Tom's tail, he screams. Malcolm, Tamara and NC laugh. Tom screams with his head stuck in the ceiling)
Ben Grimm: That's my seat. Get out of here.
(Tamara and NC grunt)
Ben Grimm: And which one did you pick? The blue ones with the little flowers?
(Cut to Malcolm)
Malcolm: Why is this perfectly good Tom and Jerry cartoon interrupted by these awful live-action scenes?
NC: Congratulations, you got the analogy Malcolm!
(Malcolm squeals. An arm hands him roses)
Malcolm: Oh my god, this is so unexpected.
NC: Tamara! Better luck next time. I'm afraid it's Hell for you.
(Tamara falls down to Hell, the Devil laughs)
(Cut to title card)
NC (vo): It's no question we talk about Tom and Jerry a lot on this channel, from (picture of the title card from the original cartoon) good, (poster of Tom and Jerry: The Movie) bad, and (poster of Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory) "yeah, I smoked a whole brick, what are ya gonna do about it?", so there was definitely interest when a new film mixing live action and animation was announced. Critics tore it apart, but audiences seemed to like it fine.
NC: I'm...obnoxiously inbetween.
NC (vo): When it's actually Tom and Jerry, they get the spirit and comedy down pretty good. When it's anything else, um... (a clip from the 1992 movie appears) ...you weren't there in the 90s, man, let us have this! Directed by Tim Story, who helmed (cue posters of Fantastic Four...) ooh... (...Ride Along...) ...ah... (...Barbershop...) ...oh hey- (...and Taxi) ...oh. I guess you could say this is one of the better of his movies as he at least got the main characters down. But the rest... (the clip from the 1992 movie plays again) ...YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN! It's complicated to talk about, so let's not waste any more time.
NC: This is our favorite cat and mouse team in a movie that's...good?
(the caption "GOOD ENOUGH" appears beneath NC)
NC: Eh, okay. This is Tom and Jerry.
(The Warner Bros. logo plays to the sound of A Tribe Called Quest's "Can I Kick It")
NC: Before we start, let me remind you, there are good scenes in this movie...there are good scenes in this movie.
(We then see a trio of pigeons rapping to the song)
Lead Pigeon: (rapping) Can I kick it? / To all the people who can Quest like A Tribe does...
(Frustrated, NC picks up a bible)
NC: I swear on this fuckin' bible, there are good scenes in this movie!
NC (vo): Yep, I can sense millions of grown-ups just shouting "nope!" and (a cursor clicks off the movie and onto an OnlyFans page) clicking back on that OnlyFans window because you're a goddamn adult!
(As NC speaks, clips from several musical moments from Tom and Jerry cartoons play before cutting back to the rapping pigeons)
NC (vo): On the one hand, Tom and Jerry has always utilised music that was popular at the time, so this isn't 100% out of place, but it is...80% out of place.
Lead Pigeon: (rapping) Rock and roll to the beat of the funk fuzz...
(Stammering, NC raises the number to "90%")
NC (vo): Despite that lame opening, there's...yeah, a lot more lameness, but you'll quickly see a pattern. When a laugh depends on someone talking, the film's pretty awful. But when it depends on something visual, the film's pretty funny. Take this scene for example of Tom and Jerry trying to get set up in New York City.
(The scene is muted as Jerry looks around his potential home, a run-down old car, he's promptly disgusted and horrified when he sees a sketch of a mouse corpse on one of the seats)
NC: That's pretty good.
(The scene is muted again as Tom walks down the street, in front of a Joker-esque poster with Droopy. The camera zooms in on said poster)
NC: That's goddamn hilarious!
NC (vo): But now let's add in the music and dialogue that was originally there.
(The scene with Jerry plays again, but with the dialogue and music intact)
Real Estate Rat (Utkarsh Ambudkar): [Look at that] view! Resplendent, huh? It's got everything. But be careful, those seats are very flammable. I'm kidding. I'm not kidding.
NC: I have a sudden urge to punch anything that comes into view.
(Suddenly, Tamara emerges back onto her couch)
Tamara: Oh my god, why have you abandoned me-
(NC sends Tamara plummeting into Hell once more. Back in the film, Tom imagines himself on a poster with John Legend)
NC: Ooh, John Legend! I can't wait to see his cameo-
(Tom walks off)
NC: I think I just did.
NC (vo): As you may have put together, all the animals are animated, using CGI but adding lines on the outside to make them look both two-dimensional and three-dimensional. It surprisingly works okay, especially considering the more solid and painful the slapstick is, the funnier it comes across. And give the script credit, there are a couple of lines that work.
(A group of citizens admire Tom's piano playing and Jerry's dancing)
Female Citizen: I thought I'd seen it all with the blind, piano-playing cat.
(Soon enough, Tom's ruse is lifted, as a kid picks up his sunglasses)
Kid: He can see!
Female Citizen: He's a fraud! He's a regular cat playing the piano.
NC: That's already one more laugh than I got in (poster of the 1992 film) any of this. The movie deserves a star (a four-star rating with one star highlighted appears) simply on that default!
(As Tom is about to catch Jerry, the latter pretends to see something in his hand)
NC (vo): They do the classic routine of Jerry pretending to see something, and honestly with this scream, it works.
(Jerry quickly punches Tom, who lets out a yelp in pain)
NC (vo): They chase each other, again, resulting in some good slapstick, when suddenly...
(We then see Kayla riding a bike down the road)
NC (vo, as Kayla): Hi, I'm here to kill your movie.
(Tom bowls into Kayla's stack of clothes)
NC (vo): This is Kayla, played by Chloë Grace Moretz, and I think this actress has (posters for Kick-Ass, Let Me In, Suspiria and Neighbors 2 appear) proven time and time again she's a great talent both dramatically and comedically, so I don't really blame her for...
Kayla (Chloë Grace Moretz): No. Please, sir, please, just...you...you...you can't do that.
NC: ...whatever this performance is.
(Cut to a later scene where Kayla hands a hotel receptionist a resume)
Receptionist: Is this your resume?
Kayla: No, it's not.
Receptionist: Wow, this is impressive.
Kayla: My only...copy.
NC (vo): Every word sounds like she was just handed a rewrite and they cut just before she said "wait, that wasn't rehearsal?"
Kayla: (chuckles) Oh, wow. Yeah, you've had a lot of really cool jobs.
NC (as Moretz): Well, that was fun reading that line for my five year old niece, when do we start-WE WERE ROLLING?!
NC (vo): She pretends to be a wedding organizer for a celebrity couple, but who gives a shit, Tom and Jerry are doing actual funny stuff.
(Tom tries to follow Jerry under a grate, which closes on his neck repeatedly.)
NC: (through laughter) I'm sorry, that's funny, man!
(Butch and his street gang approach Tom.)
NC (vo): Oh, look at that, Butch and Topsy and a bunch of Tom's other friends from the cartoons! This oughta be a good time-
Butch (Nicky Jam): Are you trying to break into our hotel?
(Tom laughs sheepishly.)
Butch: Are you laughing at me? Now, I'm sure you know what I do to cats that laugh at me.
NC: ...Tom's friends kinda scare me.
(Tom gets the attention of Animal Control, giving him and the alley cats a chance to escape.)
Ash (Spark Horton): Oh, snap! It's 5-0!
Butch: Hey, I'll see you again, Tom!
Meathead (Na'im Lynn): Break yourself!
NC: Okay, I don't think there's any Tom and Jerry commandments, but if there were, number three would be "no character should ever say 'break yourself'"... (The posters for a plethora of the straight-to-DVD films and the 1992 film appear) ...and the rest would all be broken by these films.
NC (vo): Here's a rare moment. The live-action character does something funny and the animated character does something stupid.
(Kayla notices Goldie on Mr. Dubros' desk.)
Kayla: And I assume that that's the aquatics manager?
Terence (Michael Pena): That's Goldie. She has no official position at the hotel.
(A thought bubble appears over an offended Goldie showing a poop emoji.)
NC: Poop emoji, because we're the jokes that didn't make it into that (picture of) SNL Gen Z sketch!
NC (vo): Michael Pena is also a great comedic actor, but there's only so far you can make this dialogue work.
Terence: She thought the fish was the head of the department.
Dubros (Rob Delaney): Really?
Terence: A fish can't even walk.
NC (as Terence): They can only think of poop and that's it!
NC (vo): She gets the job and speaking of people who are only funny if they're in good hands...
(Terence leads Kayla into the kitchen, who observes the lead chef, Jackie, bossing everyone around.)
Jackie (Ken Jeong): Who butchered these onions? Who?! Oh, I don't know. Francois?
Terence: We should leave.
NC: Wow, they're not even staying around to see if that bit works, they're just assuming it doesn't.
(We see Jerry messing with a photocopier, with one of the images being of Jerry with his butt prominent in the shot.)
NC: Uh, you're missing this watermark?
(The picture is shown again, now with a Deviantart logo.)
NC: There you go.
(The celebrity couple, Ben and Preeta, arrive at the hotel.)
NC (vo): It looks like the celebrity couple arrives, played by Pallavi Sharda and Colin Jost. Sometimes they get a laugh.
(Cut to a later scene, where Ben is playing golf on a simulator.)
Ben (Colin Jost): Terence, you were right, this simulator's amazing. It really replicates how bad I am at golf.
(Cut to another scene with the bellhop Joy.)
Joy (Patsy Ferran): I found the...oh, my God!
(Joy gets chased off by a drone, which Ben watches.)
Ben: Don't look it in the eyes, Joy!
(Cut back to Ben and Preeta's introduction, where we see his dog Spike.)
NC (vo): And then other times...
(Spike aggressively barks at the camera.)
Ben: Simmer down, boy! I'm sorry, he's a little animated.
(NC scowls at that joke for a few seconds.)
NC: ...okay, joke, come on. Come on, joke. Come on.
(NC leads the previous joke outside behind his house.)
NC: Come on, come on, joke, come on, come on, joke, come on...
(A gunshot is heard as NC walks back to his desk.)
NC: Okay, next scene.
NC (vo): They notice Jerry causing trouble, but Kayla says she'll take it upon herself to catch him.
Terence: If a picture of this mouse is tweeted up to Instabookface, or the TickyTock, we will be ruined.
NC: Fun fact, that wasn't to show he was out of touch, that's actually what the writers think they're called. (The scene with Goldie plays again) Poop emoji!
NC (vo): Jerry makes himself at home, and it really is creative, all the things he found to replicate a living room. And he also interrupts a pretty boring romance with Kayla and the bartender with some very impressive shade.
Cameron (Jordan Bolger): What is that?
Kayla: The sign of a worthy competitor.
NC (as Kayla): Well, I didn't think I'd have to pull out the number from Mr. Jigsaw, (a photoshopped image of Jerry wearing a Saw Trap) but shots have been fired!
NC (vo): Again, there are occasional moments of good writing, like when Tom sees Jerry living it large and the classic devil and angel appear arguing what to do. The devil asks why they're always fighting and suggest they let Tom make up his own mind.
Tom's Angel (Lil Rel Howery): That is a good idea.
(The angel and devil disappear before the devil returns.)
Tom's Devil: (laughing) What a sucker. Now go make me proud, Tom.
NC: Hmm, why does that remind me of something?
Malcolm: Tamara? She's still in Hell?
NC: Oh, right.
(NC and Malcolm stare blankly at each other before NC sends Malcolm plummeting into Hell.)
NC: This is fun, I love my Hell button.
NC (vo): Tom tries to get into the hotel, once again leading to some great screams both old and new.
(Tom gets struck by lightning twice, falling to the ground, once even letting out the classic Will Hanna scream. He then tries to use a wingsuit, flying up towards the moon, forming a Batman-esque shadow around it.)
NC: Sorry, referencing '89 Batman (the four-star ranking reappears, highlighting another star) automatically gets you another star.
NC (vo): ...and he finally makes his way in. Jerry gets away, but Kayla stumbles across Tom and realizes he can help catch him.
Kayla: Can't you catch a mouse? Isn't that in your DNA?
(Tom opens his chest to reveal a strand of DNA with a mouse head being chased by a cat head around it, leaving NC dumbfounded.)
NC: Even for Tom and Jerry, that was unnervingly abstract.
NC (vo): She brings up the idea to her boss, and it's like for every five unfunny lines, there's a pretty good one.
Dubros: If word gets out that we're refusing to hire a cat, PETA will be here before you can say "discriminatory practices."
Dubros: Could he wear a hat?
NC: Like there's one writer on staff saying "I want a job after this!".
NC (vo): I kinda like this joke too, where it's almost like Tom accidentally sniffs the camera.
Kayla: Yeah, there we go...
(As Tom sniffs around, he accidentally steams up the camera. Cut to a scene from The Truman Show.)
Christof: Don't look in the camera, say something. Keep it goin', keep it goin'.
(Cut back to Tom and Jerry, as we see Tom pounding Spike's head with a bat.)
NC (vo): This reaction from the dog also makes me giggle.
Spike (Bobby Cannavale): Okay. All right. Ya done?
(Tom screams in horror. We then see Kayla and Joy approaching a small mouse door in the hotel walls.)
NC (vo): And sometimes the recreation of some things we've seen in cartoons in the real world can be pretty funny to look at. We've seen plenty of mouse doors drawn before, but actually seeing it built-in with a 'Do Not Disturb' sign, I can't help but chuckle.
(Tom tries to go after Jerry, but Jerry moves the mouse door, making Tom slam into the wall, infuriating Kayla.)
Kayla: You do not get to beat up my enforcer!
NC (vo): She alerts Tom, but is called to the bridal suite where the big couple is having a big problem.
Preeta (Pallavi Sharda): I lost my ring.
NC (vo): The fiancee apparently lost the ring, and I'm not gonna lie, I didn't know Colin Jost could give a death stare.
Ben: Uh, where is your ring? The giant one that I gave you for...love.
Preeta: Oh, um... I...
(With a dramatic sting, the camera zooms in on Ben's glare. Cut to an SNL Weekend Update with Ben's glare in the corner captioned "SCARY AS FUCK".)
NC (vo): (as Jost) This just in, I'm scary as fuck! (normal) Kayla makes up an excuse, and hey, that first poop joke was amazing, encore!
(Spike starts pooping on the road, much to Terence's disgust.)
Terence: How many burritos did you eat?!
(Spike continues pooping as Terence yells in revulsion.)
NC: You know what that joke needs? A better joke.
(We then see an elaborate Mouse Trap-esque ploy to trap Jerry set up by Tom.)
NC (vo): Tom constructs an elaborate trap, and yeah, it doesn't have much of a payoff, but again, just seeing something so cartoonishly complicated, done in a more real looking environment? Kinda fun.
(The trap drops a cage on Jerry and Tom locks him in a crate.)
NC (vo): Tom thinks he sent him off, and Kayla gloats to the handsome bartender.
Cameron: Hey! She came, she saw, she exterminated.
NC (as Cameron): (smiling, nods) Just like how my dates go. (beat, turns frowned) Minus the first part.
(We go to commercial.)