Tom and Jerry: The Movie
May 29, 2015
(Doug and Rob are sitting in two chairs)
Doug: This is the Tom and Jerry movie. Um...
Rob: (Sings) Paranoia, paranoia...
Doug and Rob: (Singing) Everybody's coming to get me!
Doug: Uh, there is just, at that moment, I think you just started, you just said, "Welcome to the Mindfuck", and we both started singing that song. (Laughs) I still love that song.
Rob: I remember, we were watching it, like, sometimes, when you watch things doing an NC, you...
Doug: You just crack.
Rob: You have moments, now, you have moments of strange sobriety, where you snap out of the trance the movie has put you in, and you suddenly have a split second where you're like, "What the fuck am I looking at? What am I seeing here?" And it was the most bizarre collection of things. It was this chase, with an ice cream truck...
Doug: A guy with a puppet.
Rob: A guy with a puppet, the puppet's like, "Whoo!"
Doug: A dog on a skateboard.
Doug: A fat dog on a skateboard.
Rob: In the countryside, like, through a farm, Tom and Jerry...
Doug: (Chuckles) This little girl who's father is Indiana Jones.
Doug: The Tom Selleck Indiana Jones.
Rob: Yeah, the Tom Selleck Indiana Jones. I just remember, I turned to you and I'm like, "Doug, welcome to the Mindfuck." I'm like, "This is just a Mindfuck. This is the craziest thing." At that point in doing the NCs, that was probably the craziest thing I'd ever seen. Now, Cat in the Hat had not come out yet. But that was the craziest thing I'd ever seen. I think I just told, I was like, we need to play that Paranoia song and then just like put all of this together, cause...bleargh! What the fuck?
Doug: It was just madness. It was pure madness.
Rob: It was probably the best thing to come out of that movie.
Doug: You know, I'm not gonna lie, but as horrible as this movie, I actually have fond memories of watching this movie, because I think it was so batshit insane, and it was so bright and colorful, and it was so obviously not Tom and Jerry that we didn't even compare it. At first, we were comparing it, but then, just like the film, it gave up on that.
Rob: 15 minutes into it, it gave up altogether. I just remember we...we weren't even looking at it as a Tom and Jerry movie. We were just looking at it as a Mindfuck. And as a Mindfuck, it was not only really fun to watch, but it's still one of my favorite reviews.
Doug: Yeah, it's...and remember, you ever see that [Wile E.] Coyote cartoon where he tries so hard to get the Road Runner, and the Road Runner keeps going, "Blblblblb! Beep-beep!" and running off. And, finally, at the end, the last one just blows up, and he goes through all this shit, and he just stands up, totally, you know, he's like all ash and black and stuff like that, and he just goes, "Blblblblb! Beep-beep!" and falls down. That's what I felt like with this movie. I'm just like, "I'm just gonna accept it. I'm just, you know..."
Rob: "I'm crazy!"
Doug: You'll sing another song? Oh, okay. Oh, your dad's Indiana Jones? Oh, okay. A guy has a puppet? Oh, okay.
Rob: You can either break down and cry, or if you can't beat them, join them.
Doug: Yeah, it was kind of that.
Rob: That was the movie where...Cat in the Hat, I broke down and cried and strangled you, but this one, I just, if you can't beat them, join them, and I had a lot of fun.
Doug: It was just clearly a movie that was not meant to be Tom and Jerry by any means. They just wrote this other film, and was like, "Well, we're not doing that. We want a Tom and Jerry movie." "Oh, that's exactly what this is! Didn't I tell you? It starts off with Tom and Jerry!"
Rob: It's like a Three Stooges plot, like, crumbled together with every other Disney movie. It's like, stop us if you heard this. A little girl who is an orphan, whose parents are missing, gets stuck with an evil...what was it? Step-uncle or step-aunt or mother? And it's up to the cute cartoon animals to save her and help her find her dad. They literally, like, it went through some sort of automatic script generator. It's like, you throw a bunch of Disney ideas into, like, one crank, and then just, like, (Imitates a crank machine), and then this movie's like... (Imitates a paper coming out of a machine)
Doug: Fucking worst dad ever, by the way. What a fucking deadbeat, I mean, it's like, just off doing...
Rob: You do not talk about Indiana Jones that way!
Doug: Tom Selleck Indiana Jones would be very angry. (Chuckles) It's just, when they give him the hat and the, it's like...what are you doing? (Laughs again) It's so insane. And that's...yeah, you just got this...
Rob: The funny thing is, when I remember that scene where she saves him at the helicopter, I remember it now because of the review with the Indiana Jones music. (Doug hums the Raiders March) Like I said, it was running...the ending to that film was running on Cartoon Network or something about a year-and-a-half ago, and I was like, "All right, I'll watch a few minutes of this, 'cause, like, this movie was just such a wonderfuck." And I saw that scene, and I'm like, "Where's the Indiana Jones music?" I'm like, "Oh, yeah. That actually didn't happen. We put that in."
Doug: (Imitates Indiana Jones) Jock, start the plane! (Normal) You know, and it's one of those where I remember back seeing the preview for this. And, you know, I really liked Tom and Jerry as a kid, but I'm getting into, whatever the fuck, X-Men, Batman and stuff like that. I just see this Tom and Jerry. "Well, I remember Tom and Jerry." This is back, just, kids' films, nobody tried with kids' films. I mean, nobody fucking made an attempt. And you just see Tom and Jerry: The Movie, and you see Tom come through this little hole and Jerry go, "Oh, no!" It's, like, okay. You see a little bit of violence, so that was the one commercial they showed, is just the violence, you know. So, really, only the first two minutes, they show that. And then, they would show these other commercials where they're singing and dancing, there's this little girl running around or something, there's this fat dog on a skateboard, and it's like, "We have to get her to get the money!" And then, every once in awhile, they'd be like, "Oh, and Tom and Jerry's in this, too! Anyway, go see the movie!" And it was, "Was that the same commercial? Did these two...did they make a sequel already and just get rid of the main characters?"
Rob: But, Doug... (Imitates Lickboot) We've got to have...
Doug and Rob: Money!
Doug: Um, I feel bad I didn't make more of that joke. It was already everywhere, so I thought, "Okay, I won't..."
Rob: Whenever I post something on my public Facebook about something dumb Hollywood did, there's always somebody who posts that one clip. "But, Rob, don't you know? This is how they think." It's like, "We've got to have money."
Doug: You know, I'll say this, too, 'cause...one of the...the few things I got flack on in this movie, I mean, God, there's actually something to defend in this film, is the songs, and I really think that's only because of the guy who wrote them. Um, I'm probably gonna say it, but he's the guy who wrote...he did Pink Panther, right?
Rob: Oh, [Henry] Mancini.
Doug: Yeah, Mancini. He did the songs for this. (Beat) They're so awful. And I acknowledge that guy...
Rob: Hey, he also did The Great Mouse Detective. How dare you.
Doug: No, I actually love the music and the songs in Great Mouse Detective. I think they're wonderful. And I'm not at all saying this guy is not talented. But these are awful.
Rob: I think, if I'm not mistaken...Christ, somebody would correct me if I even say it. Now I'm just scared to. I think he did The Great Race.
Doug: Uh...boy, it sounds right. I don't know.
Rob: That's one of our favorite comedies.
Doug: You know what? You know what...
Rob: Point being why you gotta pick on Mancini, sir.
Doug: No, you know what? Prove us wrong, because then you'd have to go see The Great Race, which is a phenomenal movie, so go prove us wrong.
Rob: Go watch that movie.
Doug: We tricked you! Um, but, yeah, no. So I have nothing against this guy as a musician. I just hate these songs.
Rob: I'm just gonna say it out front. I don't even remember the songs.
Doug: The only one I remember, 'cause I had to...no, when you edit these and you have to...
Rob: I can't. I remember the songs in The Great Race, I remember the songs in Great Mouse Detective. I cannot, for the life...if you put a gun to my head right now and said, "Hum one song from that Tom and Jerry movie!", I couldn't do it, I'd be dead.
Doug: The only one I could do, because I had to edit it so many times, is the... (Sings) "We two, we're friends to the end, ain't we, my friend?" 'Cause I had to edit that over me crying over and over, and I had to get that right, so I heard that song over and over. But, yeah, you fucking tell me that's a good song. The song that killed Tom and Jerry! It wasn't the train, it was that song that killed Tom and Jerry! You don't tell me that that's a good song.
Rob: Why break the #1 rule of Tom and Jerry?