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To Boldly Flee: Part 2
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Date Aired:
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August 26th, 2012
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Running Time
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21:52
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Website
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Admin's note: This guide is for scripting only, not summaries. Thank you.
Open in Prick's office as Glasses Man comes in.
Glasses: Uh, sir. This just came in from the NSA. Interesting activity all over the net. We thought it was a worm overriding all the ASL systems but...
Prick: I told you. I just write internet policy. I don't understand it.
Glasses: Sir, I think you should see this. (Hands him a sketch of the "hole.")
Prick: Where did you get this?
Glasses: From the mind of a D-List internet celebrity.
Prick: Contact Terl. We leave at once.
Cut to the Doctor's office with Spoony knocked out.
Block: (Sighs) I'm concerned about Spoony.
Tease: He's sedated but his brain is still downloading vasts amounts of information from somewhere.
Sage: (eating a hot dog) How much information?
Block: Physically speaking? Enough to make that weiner of yours about twice the size of Chicago and 3 times the height of Mt. Everest.
Luke: Wow, you are hung.
Block: You see, most critics only use 5% of their brain but Spoony is at 92%.
Sage: Well, why not pull the plug and wake him up?
Tease: Because whatever he's hooked up to is still pumping.
Block: Have you ever tried to unplug a fire hose when it's still attached to the hydrant? (Makes splashy noises)
Luke: Well, what happens if his brain fills to 100%?
Tease: Ba-Boom.
Block: Boom.
Tease: Boom.
Sage: JESUS!
Tease: Now you see the conundrum?
Sage: Well, we have to do something. I don't want to see my friend's head explode.
Tease: Oh, don't worry.
Block: We have a contingency plan. (Tease opens up an umbrella)
Snob: (entering) How's Spoony holding up?
Luke: Not good. Ask Sage about his weiner.
Snob: (confused) No.
Quick zoom of the door. Prick and Glasses burst in.
Snob: Um, can we help you?
Prick: In the interest of National Security, we are here to confiscate your spoon.
Sage: What?
Prick: Shut this off. Shut this all off.
Tease: Shutting this off would have extremely dangerous consequences.
Prick: I'm not interested in your opinion, you gaggle of quacks. JUST SHUT IF OFF!
Tease: Something out there is talking to Spoony and we don't know what.
Block: Pulling him out of this coma can have dire consequences.
Luke: Yeah. Tell him about Sage's weiner.
Sage: That might sound weird out of context.
Prick: SHUT IT OFF!!!
Glasses: Right.
Snob: (stopping him) My friend. Don't be a douchebag.
Glasses: Um, I'm not much of a medical doctor.
Prick: Neither are they. They got an honorary degree from the Freudian University Gift Shop.
Snob: Is that true?
Block: Absolutely NOT!!!
Tease: I got mine out of a cereal box.
Prick: SHUT IT OFF!!!
Glasses: (moving past Snob) OK!
Tease makes an explosion gesture as Glasses reaches for the plug. Everyone cowers behind Prick as Block opens her umbrella. He pulls the plug as red sirens start going off.
Glasses: Oh, shit!
Everyone looks concerned as Spoony's eyes open to reveal a white glow. He lets out a firey blast through the ceiling. We then see a montage of red orbs floating around Chicago set to a remix of I Believe It's Magic (only in this case, magic is replaced with science.) It looks very much like the spirit's released scene from Ghostbusters. We also see cameos from other reviewers: Welshy's hat is changed, Diamanda Hagan's sandwich gets replaced by a hand (which she continues to eat), Rap Critic's toothbrush is replaced with asparagus, Handsome Tom's desk is moved a couple of inches, and Suede's sword is replaced with a stuffed toy. The Critic and Chick start to notice the orbs outside his window as the come crashing through knocking them down.
NC: That's it. I've had enough (Presses a button on his phone)
Film Brain is suddenly teleported out of his home via a Star Trek beaming device. Mechakara starts to leave Linkara's home as police sirens are heard.
Phelous: Now that I got that stupid horror review out of the way, I can get back to what I normally work on. The cure for cancer.
JewWario is teleported.
Phelous: Almost done but if I get interrupted, I'm never finishing...(he gets teleported)
SadPanda: (being teleported) Oh, fantastic!
Cut to Linkara's apartment.
Voice: Police
Mechakara is teleported. Critic and Chick stand up as the reviewers are teleported to his location including: Paw, JewWario, Joe and Marzgurl. They're followed by Todd in the Shadows, which the Chick smiles at, followed by Obscurus Lupa, which Todd smiles at and Chick groans at. They're followed by: SadPanda, Phelous, Film Brain, Mechakara, CR!, and 8-Bit Mickey. They don't look very happy (except for Film Brain of course)
NC: (hesitantly) Hello again.
Cut to Terl's ship
Terl: We have Spoony.
Executor: Excellent. And we have successfully tested our new weapon.
Terl: It reached Earth?
Executor: With impeccable accuracy! Oh, it will take a while to regenerate for a second use, but everything's going exactly as I have foreseen.
Terl: Nothing can stop us.
Executor: Yes. You'd need a bizarre combination of reviewers, nerds, gamers, and internet personalities to defeat us now.
Terl: And 8-Bit Mickey!
Cut back to the Critic and his band of "reviewers, nerds, gamers, internet personalities, and 8-Bit Mickey." Naturally, they don't look too convinced. Mechakara, in particular, looks very impatient.
NC: So as you can see, this is bigger than we've ever tackled before. It's not only threatening us. It's also threatening our dead people that we've thrown into space in oatmeal cans. This is big. Now, I know I've never asked anything of you guys before.
Silence.
Todd: Did he really just say that?
NC: But we have to come together and make things right. Now, Spoony seems to be the major link here. Where is he?
Snob, Luke, and Sage enter.
Snob: In Federal Custody.
NC: Federal Custody? Well, where the hell were you?
Snob: In Federal Custody.
NC: Damn. He must be somewhere where we can't track him.
Cut to a house basement where Spoony is being taken by Prick and his men.
Spoony: Well, what's going on?
Prick: We're putting you into cardboard freeze.
Spoony: Isn't that just another term for putting me in a cardboard box?
Prick: Throw him in.
Spoony: Wait, No, Ah! (From inside the cardboard box) Wait, I don't have a Wookie to sooth or a hot princess to kiss.
Prick: (To Agent 1) You, inform General Terl he has his prize. (To Agent 2) And you follow me. We have a critic to crush. (They leave)
Back to the Critic
NC: All right, then we have no time to lose. We have to go save him. Let's do it.
Lupa: Uh, no offense. Actually, a lot of offense. Why the hell should we trust you?
NC: Oh, come on. When have I ever lied to any of you guys?
JesuOtaku suddenly enters.
JO: Oh my God, you guys! I won a car! (She's suddenly disappointed to see everyone) I don't check my mail that often.
NC: ... ...Cinema Snob, fill her in.
Snob: All right, you're gonna love this.
NC: OK, I lied a few times. And I know I've made a few mistakes in the past.
8-Bit Mickey: Thousands.
NC: And sometimes I've lead you into danger.
Phelous: Always.
NC: But at least I've had the best intentions in mind.
JewWario: Yours!
NC: And things have always turned out OK.
Everyone but Mechakara: NEVER!
NC: But this isn't about me this time, all right! It's about Spoony! And Ma-Ti! And whatever it is out there that's turning our world upside down! Something is going on out there. Ma-Ti is alive and for once in our lives, for once in MY life, I actually have a chance to account for one of my mistakes. I have a chance to actually do something right. Please. I'm-I'm beggin' ya here.
JO: Well, it would be good of us to help out our fellow reviewer, but maybe I'm still riding the highway of winning that car.
Everyone: Yeah.
SadPanda: If internet goes down today, there will be no one left to watch reviews.
Everyone: Yeah.
Sage: And then there will be no one left to criticise!
Everyone: Yeah.
Film Brain: And then we won't get paid!
Everyone: Yeah.
NC: That's the selfish spirit! Linkara, what do you say?
Mechakara: Risk Assessment Analysis indicates the probability of your success to be minimal insurring your failure and my victory.
Everyone stares in horror.
Everyone: YEAH!!!
NC: All right, if we're gonna do this, we're gonna fight science-fiction with science ... science! Only those two doctors who were analyzing Spoony can tell use what's going on. Where are they?
Snob: Um, yeah. About that.
Sage: They kinda got themselves arrested...
Snob: ...by assaulting a federal agent...
Sage: ...and a cop...
Snob: ...who they stole his gun from...
Sage: ...and used it against him...
Snob: ...to steal a squad car...
Sage: ...in exhange for...
Snob: ...an ice cream truck...
Sage: ...and hi-tailed for Tijuana...
Snob: ...where they were picked up by the Mexican Federales...
Sage: ...dressed as nuns.
Snob: They're gonna be gone for a loong time.
NC: Boy, that's quite a routine you guys worked out there.
Snob: Thanks.
Sage: We worked on it in the car.
Luke: You did awesome.
Phelous: Well, that's just great. Anyone else know a scientist bat-shit insane enough to know what's going on?
Film Brain: Wait, Critic. Where'd you get the beaming device? The one that brought us here.
NC: Oh, I stole it.
MarzGurl: From who?
The Critic thinks for a moment before we cut to our culprit.
Dr. Insano: So, the critics have come home to roost, eh, but what makes you think I want to help any of you in any way?!?
NC: (on the phone from his computer) Oh, come on, Insano. You know just as well as I do your ass is on the line. If we don't stop this thing, it's gonna be anarchy and chaos. The world's gonna be turned upside-down.
Insano: Precisely, which will make it all the more easy for me to take over.
Lupa: Or it could turn you into a hippo's ballsack.
Insano: Good point. Very well. There's only one explanation for what's going on here and I think I've figured it out.
Joe: Good, so what's with all these anomalies then?
Insano: The answer is quite clear. We're dealing with (dramatic turn) a Plot Hole!
Everyone: ...A Plot Hole?
NC: What do you mean, a Plot Hole?
Insano: I'm talking about a portal that shoots out nothing but inconsistencies and mistakes. (Turns on a projector) Right is wrong. Wrong is right. Forwards is backwards and backwards is forewards. It's a gateway to madness and it's out of control. Any outcome could occur and anything that was impossible before is possible now.
Paw: But what started this Plot Hole?
The slideslow shows the battle between Ma-Ti and Malachite.
Insano: Well, you see. When Ma-Ti's ring collided with Malachite's Hand, the resulting explosion ripped a hole in the Space Story Arc Continuum (Shows a hole on a map of stars with several circles around saying "bad") thus filling the Story Arc with all these little pockets of chaos.
Sage: Well, that's why we wouldn't notice all the PAINFULLY OBVIOUS inconsistencies around us. Isn't that right, Linkara?
Mechakara: Indeed.
Insano: (turning off the projector) Yes. It also explains why Spoony could transform into me in Kickassia even though we're obviously two completely different people.
JewWario: But, wait. That was in the past.
Insano: Oh, Jew-Luigi. Once again, you're not thinking fourth-dimensionally. Time isn't a straight line. It's more like a David Lynch movie: wondering, meandering thing that goes in all directions and if you're very lucky, by the end you'll see some boobies and maybe some little people.
NC: Dr. Insano. What is inside the Plot Hole? What is through the gateway to madness?
Insano: I don't know but what I do know is if it isn't stopped soon, all logic and consistency will go right out the window. The world will be turned on its head never able to recover. All will be lost.
Todd: (being rubbed by NChick) Insano. We don't have a lot of equipment on our side... (Puts Chick's hand down) Is there any chance we can borrow some of yours?
Insano: Heh! You delinquents already stole from me one time and trust me when I say it will NEVER happen again.
Phelous motions to SadPanda.
SadPanda: Dr. Insano. I'm curious. What does any of this have to do with Ma-Ti and Spoony? And please, give the explanation that might be the longest (*I don't quite understand everything he's saying because of his thick accent) (He snaps to motion to everyone)
Insano: Well, that is one of the great mysteries isn't it? I dare say the greatest and most important remains to be solved. (Finds an erase board with a mathematical equation ending with "CERTAIN DEATH!") Nobody knows what joins these three seemingly separate things, but figure out how Ma-Ti, Spoony, and the Plot Hole are connected and may very well save the human race. Fail ... and it will be your doom. So, are there any other questions I can help ... (Sees they're all gone) Oh, Son-Of-A-Bitch! This is why I need Mad Scientist Insurance. He even took the novelty slot machine. Who does that?
Cut to the reviewers putting together their spaceship: tinkering with the gadgets, MarzGurl straighting a plaque, Sage puts a beer in a mini-fridge, Critic and Paw working on his commander's chair, etc. They marvel at their finished product, The USS Exit Strategy (which is the Critic's house with rocket thrusters jutting out.)
NC: Beautiful. Isn't it, SadPanda?
SadPanda: It makes me vomitous(?) with loathing.
NC: Thanks for sharing. All right, let's get moving, people.
Paw: Wait. Wait. Wait. If we're going into space, I need a proper attire. (Takes off his headphones and puts on another set of headphones with large Vulcan ears attached)
NC: You're such a geek!
Paw: I find that illogical.
NC: And that's why you're un-date-able. All right, let's get moving, people. (Sits in his command chair) By God, with a ship in my command and a crew to dispose of...
MarzGurl: Don't you mean "...at your disposal?"
NC: Sure. ...Nothing can stop us.
Except for some approaching cars.
NC: Engineering, how we doing down there?
CR: The adaptive interface link is online, the impulse power is nominal, and the gravitronic positronic generator is about to reach its peak.
NC: ...What?
CR: We can go in about 5 minutes.
NC: All right, let's get ready to launch.
Marzgurl: Uh, Critic. There appears to be some very angry men approaching from outside.
NC: Johovah's Witnesses?
Marzgurl: Angrier!
NC: (sees Prick and his men on the scanner as it reads "Douches Detected") Crap, we're not ready to go, yet. Mickey stall them.
Zoom in on 8-Bit Mickey and his mouchstache before cutting to Prick and his men outside.
Prick: Knock this down. Knock this all down.
Agent 2: We can't. We don't have a battering ram.
Prick: Use your foot.
Agent 2: In these shoes? These are Johnson and Murphy Venetians.
Prick: I don't give a shit if you're wearing Jimmy-Fucking-Choos!
Agent 2: You really should have called a swat team.
Prick: Check the back.
The reviewers do some last minute checking as the agents approach the back door. 8-Bit Mickey is there to greet them dressed in a black suit as them.
8-Bit Mickey: I'm sorry, gentlemen. This area is off limits.
Agent 2: Says who?
Mickey: Section 6.
Agent 1: Wait. We're Section 6.
Mickey: Then you should know.
Agent 2: What district are you from?
Mickey: District ... 9.
Agent 1: That's a movie.
Mickey: 12.
Agent 1: That's Zimbabwe!
Mickey: So?
Agent 2: So you're a white with an Italian juke(?) living in the African jungle?
Mickey: You racist?
Agent 1: Sir, get out of the way.
Mickey: Look. Gentlemen. (Reaches into his suit pocket) All your questions will be answered if you look right here (Points at what looks like a MIB neurolyzer and turns it on)
Agent 1: That's a vibrator.
Mickey: (punches both of them with it) Goat Fuckers! (Prick jumps in pointing his gun at him) That's a gun!
Prick: We're here to shut you down, munchkin!
Mickey: (stung) I'm sorry. What did you just call me?
Prick: Oh, I'm sorry. You can't hear me all the way down there, can you, little fella?
Mickey: (removing his sunglasses) That's a height joke. I wouldn't go for the height jokes.
Prick: Oh, someone insecure about his height? Perhaps I should get you a booster seat and a Happy Meal.
Mickey: (getting angry) I really wouldn't be saying such things if I were you.
Prick: Maybe. ... Just maybe you should talk to the hand cause the head all the way up here can't hear you ... Shorty!
Mickey gets progressively twitchy before cutting to the Critic.
NC: The hell is taking him so long?
Mickey: I'm OK. (Enters with blood all over him and a decapitated hand) So, apparently, Spoony is not on Earth. He's on a hidden base somewhere on Europa. I think, that's the last thing Prick's head said before I shoved it into a weed whacker. Any hoo, we should be able to catch him if we leave now, so let's go.
Snob: (To NC) Looks like somebody called him short again.
Paw: Mick-AY. Good one man. (Mickey high fives him with Prick's hand) Dah! (Throws the hand away)
NC: (presses a button) Engineering, let's get going.
CR: (To Joe) Give me a 150 M's and prepare for warp boost.
Joe: Aye-Aye (Puts a Super Mario Mushroom into the engine)
NChick: But Critic, won't this violate your house-arrest?
NC: Why? I'm not leaving the house. JewWario, take us out.
JewWario: Aye Sir! (Drives a Nintendo Wii steering wheel)
The Strategy lifts up off the ground into the sky and blasts off.
NC: Set a course for Europa!
The Strategy manages to get into space. We cut to Terl's ship.
Henchman: Uh, sir. The Critic is no longer in Earth's atmosphere.
Terl: What, impossible! Where is Prick? Put him on screen. (Suddenly disgusted by what he sees)
Everyone: Oh. Nasty.
Terl: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Henchmen: Oh, Jesus! No!
Terl: Those critics are monsters! Everybody to your panels. Keep your eyes on every single one of Earth's radars. He is not going to escape me this time, you hear. Nothing gets past my cunning eye (Except the Exit Strategy that flies right behind his back) You hear me, not one blasted thing, Critic! (The Exit Strategy hits warp speed) ... ... Right. What else could go wrong?
Henchman: Sir, the Executor would like to speak with you.
Cut to a grumpy Executor and a nervous Terl.
Executor: Cuh-ritics gone?
Terl: Mmm hmm!
Executor: Prick dead?
Terl: Well, not, uh, yeah!
Executor: You pissing yourself with fear?
Terl: Definitely!
Executor: You have failed me for the last time, Terl!
Terl: Well, now if we're doing Empire, that was definitely my line.
Executor: Thus, I am sending you a new master. One that will keep you on ... schedule.
Terl: My Lord?
The pod bay door opens revealing ... General Zod.
Terl: Pray, who the devil are you?
Zod: KNEEEEEEEL!!!
Terl: Oh dear, he's foreign. Hello Neil! Nice to meet you (imitates Zod's hand motion).
To Be Continued.