(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from The Wild)
Doug (vo): My guess is, you've never heard of The Wild, and the truth is, very few people have. It wasn't a critical hit, it wasn't an audience hit, it wasn't a financial hit, so it disappeared pretty fast and nobody ever talks about it or even remembers it. And to be honest, yeah, I can kind of see why, but on the other hand, there's some really good funny stuff in this. Yeah, I know that sounds crazy, especially considering how the other half of this stuff is not so great. In fact, it's kind of obnoxiously annoying. But good Lord, not only is some of the comedy in this funny, but it's inventive. I mean, there's some real out-of-the-box jokes in this movie. I think they deserve to sort of be acknowledged.
Doug (vo): The premise? A lion and his cub live in a New York zoo. The cub is feeling envious because he doesn't match the bravery in the stories of his father. So he decides to run away and try to find his own adventure, leaving the father, played by Kiefer Sutherland, and a band of misfits to go after him to see if they can get him back. These misfits include a koala, played by Eddie Izzard, a giraffe, played by Janeane Garofalo, a squirrel who's totally in love with her, and a not-very-bright snake.
Doug (vo): So, yeah, on the surface, this sounds like a very nothing kind of story, and maybe that's why a lot of people didn't see it. Well, okay, I have to be honest, that's not the only reason. Lines like this are why.
[A scene showing a teenage hippo and a teenage kangaroo talking with each other is shown]
Teenage Hippo and Teenage Kangaroo: Let's get Ryan, dude! Dude! We said it the same time! Dude!
Doug (vo): Yes, that is stupid. But on the other hand, they come across some really inventive stuff in this film, like a group of undercover geckos (Which are actually Chameleons) whose camouflage is beyond impressive, a religion of wildebeest who think a koala toy that fell from the sky is God, and probably the only enjoyable game of sweeping you'll ever see in your entire life. I like the characters in this movie. Like I said, they don't always get a laugh, but I do enjoy their interactions off each other, and you do feel sort of this camaraderie. They're enjoyable to watch, and every single time a groaner joke would come up, I would tell myself, "Eh, you know what? I still wanna keep going." And for every bad joke there is in this movie, there's always a good joke.
[A scene with Bridget the Giraffe plays]
Bridget: I was made to nibble and be elegant and to appear in children's books as the letter "G".
[Another scene showing Samson the Lion arguing with a hyrax is shown]
Hyrax: I'm not good enough for you to eat or something?!
Samson: No, it's just I'm allergic to nuts.
[Another scene showing the squirrel, named Benny, voiced by James Belushi, is shown]
Benny: Don't panic, I'm in charge here.
Bridget: That's why we're panicking!
[Yet another scene, showing Samson and Benny looking at the mysterious camouflage images, is shown]
Benny: That settles it, then. My mother definitely drank pool water when she was pregnant with me.
Doug (vo): I think my favorite, just for surrealness, has to be this one.
[The scene is shown, showing Larry the snake on the front of a truck. The truck's driver screams and runs off]
Man: AAH! THE GARBAGE! IT LIVES! AAAAAHHH!!
Doug (vo): That is such a strange line, how can you not laugh at it?
[The line is shown again]
Man: THE GARBAGE! IT LIVES! AAAAAHHH!!
[The villains of the film are shown in several clips]
Doug (vo): I'm usually not one for villains in these movies either, but the backstory they give this villain and his cult is just so much fun and is so inventive, and it's always constantly funny. Even the side villain, played by Patrick Warburton, he's pretty enjoyable.
Kazar (William Shatner): And he'd better not screw this up like he screwed up my dance number!
Blag: I lost count for one verse.
Kazar: [mimicking Blag's dancing] Step kick, pivot kick, walk, walk, walk! [Groans] Why do we even bother rehearsing?
Doug (vo): So, I'm kind of torn on this. I mean, on the one hand, it is pretty annoying, and some of these jokes really are painful. But on the other hand, if I didn't sit through them, I never would've gotten to the really funny jokes or these characters or these really inventive situations. So, kind of half-and-half, but honestly, I'd say go see it. I think everybody will find at least one or two jokes that would make them say, "It was worth the price of admission." For me, personally, I found a lot more, including some creative characters and creative setups. I mean, much more effort was put into these jokes than, say, Chicken Little or Cars 2, and those are no more than this film. Give it some credit and at least watch and judge for yourself. It deserves the option to be known about. By no means flawless, in fact, in reality, it probably has too many flaws, but the stuff that's good, I'm really glad I saw. And, surprisingly, I may even check it out again in the future. Take it for what it's worth and find out for yourself.
[The film's final scene, showing the main animals and all the wildebeests heading home on a boat, is shown. A caption is then shown, saying "Thanks for Watching Disneycember! See You Next Year!"]