September 18, 2019
(The Channel Awesome intro plays. Cold-open on the camera making its way slowly through a darkened hallway of the office. It's Tamara, dressed in a maid's outfit. She walks up to a door and is about to knock on it when she spots a message that reads: "Rock star pondering. DON'T YOU DARE F@#*ING KNOCK!" Confused, Tamara leaves, walks around a corner, notices the camera on the floor and tosses a cloth on the ground. Cut to black as the following words, written in the font of The Wall, appear: "Nostalgia Critic Reviews: Pink Floyd – The Wall". Cut to a TV showing the YouTube logo, while piled on a table in front of it are several magazines about the band Slipknot. Sitting on the couch is the band's lead singer, Corey Taylor, as he sits and stares. He takes a remote control and pushes a button. The YouTube screen is displayed, showing episodes of, among other things, Law and Order, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Saturday Night Live, and The Nostalgia Critic, with a review of The Wall. Taylor pushes a button on the remote in the direction of NC's video, and NC appears on the screen)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Pink Floyd: The Wall...or is it Pink Floyd's The Wall? I never know where to put the "s" there...is an abstract musical that musician Roger Waters described as a separation between a rock star and his audience. But it's so much more than that...I think. When it came out in 1982, it got mixed reviews and did only okay at the box office. Many saw it as too pretentious and full of itself, saying it's way...
(Corey stares at the TV and takes his sunglasses from his hat to put them on...and cut to Corey's youth, where he finishes putting them on. Young Corey is played by Corey's actual son, Griff Taylor. After seeing the poster to The Wall, he goes to sit at the movie theater. On screen, after the film's title, several shots of articles from critics panning the movie appear in front of the starry sky. Young Corey feels disinterested and starts to leave the theater. All throughout, NC sings the review's first song that mirrors "When the Tigers Broke Free")
NC: It was just before dusk
One dark weekend evening
While on your way home,
When all the critics told you
Pink Floyd's "Wall" was shite,
When you thought it was kind of all right.
And the masses gave thanks
As the movie tanked,
Fading into obscurity for a while.
The arthouse ego trip
Had fallen, then slipped
For the bargain bin for $3.93.
(In the present day, Corey finishes taking off his sunglasses and continues staring. Outside the room, Tamara walks to the door again. She hesitates at first, as we cut to Corey's hand in close-up that shows he's holding a fully burnt cigarette. Tamara slowly puts her hand close to door to knock on it...and a sudden cut to a huge crowd at a rock concert, field of cows...exploding, and NC on TV suddenly wearing a "faceless" mask for some split seconds and leaning to camera. Corey's eyes widen from surprise. Many one-second shots feature not only the crowd and Corey's crazy reactions, but also NC trying to break the TV screen...and SpongeBob SquarePants? After NC makes the final hit on the glass, several screenshots of the movie in question appear as the rendition of "In the Flesh?" is heard playing. The screen explodes once more, giving NC access to break free and get out of the TV and into Corey's room. He sings to him)
NC: Been a long time
Since you've seen
Pink Floyd's "The Wall".
Slipknot, Stone Sour, so much happened since you
Thought of it at all.
Tell me when you were a fan of the band, Corey.
Is this not what you expected to see?
If you want to find out what's behind this weird shit,
You'll first have to figure if it's lame or legit!
(More quick clips are shown, including what the viewer will see in the video. After this and another boom, we fade to another flashback, with young Corey at the computer at home)
Corey's father (Barney): (offscreen) All right, Corey. You can use my computer to do your homework, but no looking through my desk. Got it?
(We immediately cut to Corey searching through several papers and magazines in the desk's drawer. Corey then discovers a VHS of The Wall and examines it. He puts it in VCR and sits on the floor to watch. Throughout this, a reprise of "When the Tigers Broke Free" rendition is sung by NC)
NC: Good old Pink Floyd
Made a movie devoid
Of even the slightest bit of subtlety.
The production was fancy,
And way too damn angsty
For adults to take seriously.
But I found it one day
Behind dad's porno stash, (As this line is sung, a cover for "Weird Ass What Magazine" is shown, with a tagline "Super Hot! Super Weird! Super What?")
And my eyes still grew big
At the feelings he felt.
I discovered I felt the same thing.
(The guitars in the song start rocking harder as Corey stands up, puts on his rock musician attire and takes a guitar. He looks in the mirror)
Kids' emotions are flawed,
But are nevertheless raw,
Felt when the wall broke free!
Every rock star that's wild
Was a rage-driven child,
Like in this movie!
They all dreamed just like Floyd,
Most of them falling
Into the void! (The void!)
That's why I watch, despite it
Being so whiny,
(Cut to the present day, where Corey, still sitting, slowly makes a glance outside his room, where a very familiar dark CGI creature with one red eye and one white eye, which is wearing a red hat and giving a slasher smile, peeks from another door)
Voice: Corey!... Corey!...
(Smash cut to Corey's childhood again, where he sits behind a school desk wearing headphones and is surrounded by his teacher, played by Rob Scallon, and his classmates (Tamara, Walter, Malcolm and Heather))
Teacher: Corey! (slams ruler on the desk) Pay attention!
(The classmates giggle mischievously. Corey takes off headphones)
Teacher: (takes out an audiocassette) What's this? Hmm. Pink Floyd? The boy fancies himself a musician.
(The classmates giggle again as the teacher puts the cassette in Walter's shirt pocket)
Teacher: It's rubbish. Now, what did I just say, Corey?
Young Corey: "We don't need no education"?
(The classmates giggle)
Teacher: Well, that's grammatically incorrect, so, apparently, you do need some education.
Teacher: School is no laughing matter. Do you know what we're teaching in these walls?
Young Corey: How to fix a car, pay your taxes, ace an interview, perform first aid, manage your insurance, cook healthy meals, or do household repairs?
Teacher: Preposterous! We pay other people to do these things. We teach important things you need to know in life. Like Algebra, Trigonometry, Physics, Geology, Sex Ed. (The classmates wince) Oh, that's right. You have letters that say you don't need to learn that. Well, it shouldn't be too important. Especially in the case of that kid.
(The classmates giggle once again)
Teacher: Do you laugh at everything?! Well, anyway, continue to act like the oppressed. And me, the oppressor. Rock albums seem to really eat that shit up.
(Hearing another giggle from the students, the teacher turns to hit them with a ruler. The outside of this school, which looks like a castle from a horror movie, is shown with thunderstorm and bats flying out)
Dracula-esque voice (Doug): Welcome to high school, where all the teachers are monsters. I know they look like they want to teach you something, but they don't! They just want to teach you up, because we're evil, bloodsucking vampire things! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
(The bat with a "faceless" mask flies next to Corey walking solemnly in the school's halls. The rendition of the famous "Another Brick in the Wall" begins. While NC sings onscreen and offscreen, the four classmates march in a row wearing "faceless" masks. Throughout the sequence, the shots from the movie are shown)
NC: We need more victimization.
Dracula-esque voice: There are no good teachers! Not one, not even by accident!
NC: We need more stuff to rebel.
Dracula-esque voice: We don't want to help you! We just want to eat your blood and suck your veins!
NC: Though our education system's broke. (As he sings this, the screenshot of an article "18 reasons why the US education system is failing" appears)
Dracula-esque voice: Well, maybe it's the other way around. I don't know! I get the high school education! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
NC: This is pandering like hell.
Dracula-esque voice: Remember that one teacher who seemed cool? He wasn't! He was all part of the plan!
NC: HEY! WHO CARES?! All this bitching sells!
Dracula-esque voice: Remember that one teacher who seemed really kind and gave you candy?
(The "faceless" students start walking in the row across the screen)
NC: Well, oh, well, we got another hit in the wall.
Dracula-esque voice: That candy was really sugar-coated children's souls!
NC: LOL, so school sucks. Grow a damn pair of balls.
Dracula-esque voice: CHILDREN'S SOULS! We're so evil! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
(The classmates start running in slow-motion as NC and the teacher rampage in the city as giants)
Kids: You call visualizations.
Dracula-esque voice: It's all the part of our secret plan to make sure you're more likely to get a job when you're older!
Kids: Milking your gloom and pity.
Dracula-esque voice: Mwa-ha-ha-ha! How terrible is that?! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Kids: You hated school, who the hell didn't?
Dracula-esque voice: It's like those 90s commercials where the adult looked like bad guys.
Kids: What's next, hating DMVs?
Dracula-esque voice: Except they weren't 90s commercials, they were mini-documentaries! It's all true! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Kids: Hey! Waters! Leave it on FB!
Dracula-esque voice: We really don't see what makes Cinnamon Toast Crunch so great!
Kids: All in all, complaining doesn't mean much at all!
Dracula-esque voice: BECAUSE WE'RE OLD! MWA-HA-HA-HA!
Kids: But who cares? It's still a damn cool song in The Wall!
Dracula-esque voice: Bleh-bleh-bleh-bleh! I'm a teacher! Bleh-bleh-bleh!
Kids: We still need more persecution.
Dracula-esque voice: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! I'll suck your blood, bleh!
Kids: They don't need to hear you can't.
Dracula-esque voice: Stampula!
Kids: What a unique voice to say school's lame.
Thanks for the long-winded rant.
(Tamara and Walter run into the tunnel and stop in confusion as they see people with "faceless" masks riding away on a train)
Hey! Twitter! Post those bloody chants!
Tamara: Wait, time out. Is this really a World War II reference?
Walter: No, it's just a bunch of kids being herded onto a train to a horrible torturous building-- (realizes) Ohhh.
Tamara: Yeah, we're really comparing this to high school?
(A giant NC bends down to look in the tunnel)
NC: No, no! It's just meant to be weird and creepy. They're not implying...that.
Walter: I don't think there's a way to not connect that.
NC: Oh, come on! They're just saying school sucks! They're not making any connections to that. Now let's go on to the next song that talks about the horrors of World War II-- Oh, crap.
NC: It's just a coincidence! Maybe. I don't know.
(Tamara and Walter stare at NC.)
(NC leaves the tunnel and resumes standing. He spits out...a flaming dove. The bird flies across white clouds in the sky. After some seconds, the dove is shot and changes into a black drawing of a bird that reads "Ego". It gets bigger and bigger in size as it approaches a cartoon human that represents "Self-Content". As the rendition of "Goodbye Blue Sky" starts to play, we're shown shots displaying cemeteries, war battles, and the footage of peaceful Chicago forests. At one point, a Claymation Godzilla-esque monster is shown to be rampaging)
NC: D-D-D-Doesn't this seem too heavy?
Is World War II with monsters too silly?
Oh, Roger Waters, did you ever wonder
Why these images of slaughter
Made it in a film that also
Sings about how high school bites?
(A storm cloud with "My Problems" written on it starts raining. Several sunflowers reading "Pity" grow. As the smaller storm cloud, "Other People's Problems", gets closer to "My Problems" cloud, it stops raining...and destroys the small cloud with lightning)
Is it saying anything that deep?
War's bad, thanks, are we supposed to weep?
Sure, we're all bummed out, but you're losing clout in this movie.
Smoke a bong,
And it will feel less wrong.
(NC goes back to peek in the tunnel)
NC: Is that better?
Tamara: Dude, I don't know what to think while watching that.
NC: (suddenly appears in normal size next to Tamara) Good! That means we're brilliant. Now, I'm gonna go to a slow, slow mopey song.
Walter: Haven't we had enough of those?
NC: Yeah, but we have had several of them back-to-back, so that'll really mix things up.
(NC sits in a corner of a room, with a phone in his hands)
NC: Watch how I do a sad song about being cheated on.
Tamara: So, you're going from World War II, one of the worst things to ever happen...
Walter: ...to bitching about your girlfriend cheating on you?
NC: Hey, it doesn't matter how I'm pained, as long as I'm torturously pained.
Walter: Sounds pretty douchey, man.
Tamara: Yeah, pretty douchey.
NC: Hey, if someone doesn't like my artistic dive into madness caused by an affair...
Tamara: You mean like The Room?
NC: Shut up. ...they can just skip the scene!
Walter: (shrugs) Eh. Fair enough.
NC: Thank you. (holds the phone close to ear and looks worried) What's that, person I could never see betraying me? You're betraying me?
(NC sadly looks above. Cut to Corey in his room, sighing at this and grabbing the remote)
NC: (starts singing) Oh...
(The TV screen changes to NC standing in the same room, but at night. NC notices this)
NC: I got a lot more drawn-out angst than that!
(He sits down glumly and takes a remote. A woman representing the main character's wife, played by Heather, comes in)
Wife: Hey, so you invited me up here. What you want to do?
NC: Just watch TV.
Wife: (looks annoyed) You invited me up here to literally watch TV?
NC: I'm a successful musician with millions! How can you expect me to be happy?
Wife: This is gonna be another one of those slow mopey songs, isn't it?
(NC quickly puts the remote to look up and sing again as the light guitar music plays, causing Corey to roll eyes in exasperation)
NC: (sings) I know that--
(Corey clicks on his remote again, transporting NC...next to a toilet)
NC: Don't worry! I have a slow mopey song here, too! (clears throat and sings) Hey, you--
(Corey is clearly through with all this as he clicks again...to see NC shirtless and wailing his arms in a "crucified" pose)
NC: Oh, my God! Doesn't this remind you of Jesus?! I'm like Jesus! I'M JESUS! FEEL SORRY FOR ME! I'M JESUS!
(Corey clicks once more...and NC is now in a peaceful meadow at sunset. As he looks around in confusion, Corey has had enough and starts to nod off. Finally, he falls asleep. NC walks close to camera/TV screen to watch Corey sleeping)
NC: Is there anybody who cares?
(The room becomes more dim, as the shadow of the animal-like creature from before looms above the sleeping Corey menacingly. Cut to Tamara's outside preparing to knock...and cue the next song, a parody of "Comfortably Numb")
NC: Wake up, wake up, wake up,
Are you still awake in that chair?
Just keep listening to me,
I know you're kinda bored.
Yes, sure. Yes, sure. Yes, sure.
It's a lot of slow songs now.
It's hard to keep on track
With mellow songs back-to-back.
(As NC continues singing, the sound of crashing is heard, and Tamara, Corey's manager (played by Brad Jones) and the executive (Malcolm) burst into the room)
Manager: Ah, shit! He's watching the boring parts of The Wall. Wake him up!
(All three attempt to wake Corey up (with the maid Tamara actually doing...pretty much nothing but dusting off Corey))
NC: Perk up. Perk up. Perk up.
You need to watch this movie first,
Just a half hour more.
Come on, you've gone through worse.
(Fade to NC walking through meadow in thoughts. Several shots from the film appear as well.)
You can't be bored while we're singing,
Unless you don't wanna be seen as deep.
Your attention constantly may fade.
Your eyes move, but do you care what we're saying?
When I was a child, remembered being invested,
Like hearing "The Dark Side of the Moon".
Now I've grown, this section starts to drag,
Like a long nag. I just don't understand:
Is this now how I am?
I...have become comfortably dumb.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Just get through the damn flick.
You want to seem cool,
But this ain't getting your kicks.
Can you listen, listen, listen?
Later, there will be a quiz.
Somebody has to feel the same.
When did I become so lame?
There is only so long I can go
When hearing a millionaire say that things blow.
It's like I've been asleep for days. (Onscreen, NC gets annoyed by a super long walk in the meadow and mouths "where the fuck am I?")
The film plays, but I can't take the complaining.
(Eventually, the manager throws Corey on the floor, and he half-awakens. He is surprised to see his young self sitting on the floor and holding a VHS box for The Wall. The grown-up Corey sits in the same pose and smiles)
I tell you, child,
It's just how everything is.
Just fighting to open my eyes.
The epic feels I had are gone,
I don't know what is going on now.
The child is gone,
And I moved on.
I...wish those days weren't just a phase.
(In real life, the manager, Tamara and the executive drag the dozing Corey out of his room. They go into a warehouse and put him down)
Manager: This is why I bring people that I don't want other people to see. Now sober up, or have an existential conflict. Either works for me.
(All three go away, leaving Corey alone. Suddenly, the warehouse door opens to reveal a bright light. Corey gets up...and the camera shows us a bald man in a black coat from behind, as he slowly goes to a cheering audience. After the screen turns white, the Nostalgia Critic logo appears, signaling the start of a commercial. After coming back, the light disappears to reveal...Doug playing a dictator (around his face is a dotted line and a caption "Person You Hate"), coming on the stage, with his accomplices (Malcolm and Jim) on the sides. Malcolm holds a black flag with the symbol that features several hammers forming a hashtag. The dictator observes several screens of cheering people (Tamara, Walter, Heather, Aiyanna...and even one of the Chart Guys (Rob)) and the banner reading "Welcome to the Echo Chamber". All of the people cheer "Yes!", "Yeah!", "Whoo-hoo!", etc. The dictator doesn't move a muscle on his face, as he throws his leather jacket right on Jim and silently greets his spectators. The homage to "In the Flesh" sequence begins as the dictator starts singing while behind the stand)
Dictator: Oh, yeah! I'm the
Person you think you know...
That soaks up your angst and confusion, I'm
That nameless foe. Heh.
I got some weird news for you, sunshine.
This was dissin' Thatcher's administration!
But it's vague enough to put anyone you feel;
Politician, showman, just put their face here!
Are there any authority figures in the crowd tonight?
Chart Guy: Oh, yes. That's me, I'm here, yes.
Dictator: WELL, PUT THEM IN THE WALL!
(The fans type on their laptops rhythmically)
Fans: Get! Them! All!
Dictator: That one's looking stressed, he wants to feel oppressed!
Walter: (raises hand giddily) Yes!
Dictator: PUT HIM IN THE WALL!
Fans: Bust! His! Balls!
Dictator: And that one looks sheltered, like she never leaves a room.
Tamara: (raising hand) Yes! Yes! This is me! Me, me, me, me!
Dictator: I'll be that friend you can blame for all your gloom.
(Tamara squeals in joy)
Dictator: That one looks like he really wants to be outraged!
(He is pointing at the flag)
Dictator: Now, with social media,
You have the stage!
(The cheering gets bigger and louder)
Heather: (puts her arms horizontally and vertically) Hashtag! Hashtag!
Walter: (does the same) Hashtag! Hashtag! Hashtag!
Chart Guy: Hashtag! Hashtag! Hashtag!
Tamara: Hashtag! Hashtag! Hashtag! Hashtag!
Aiyanna: Hashtag! Hashtag! Hashtag!
(The dictator looks over his spectators in satisfaction)
Dictator: All right, everyone! Let's take our 100% opinions TO THE WALL!!!
(He and his accomplices run out of the basement, yelling in victory...but stop and squint in front of the bright sun)
Dictator: Oh, sun! Oh, it's so bright! Oh! Uh, let's go back here. I-I don't like that. No, I don't. No, no, no.
(They run back inside. The fans open up their laptops, phones and keyboards)
Dictator: One! Two! Three! POST IT!
(The montage of the dictator controlling his accomplices in the podcast room and people typing on their gadgets is shown over the shots of Earth and sound speakers...and even something that mirrors the infamous "Walking Hammers". The parody of the "Waiting for the Worms" sequence starts)
You can't convince me now!
I'm too far at my side!
I never will abide.
Dictator: (speaking into megaphone) It's us vs. them! I don't even know who us or them are! I just wanna be angry, so I can be...!
Dictator: About those who hate me.
Dictator: I need their attention.
Dictator: Love me or hate me, just look at me more!
Dictator: Whatever side you choose, just don't ever wane!
Dictator: Waiting for the point!
(As the rest of the section goes, we cut to the dictator and his men going to the Nostalgia Critic rag doll)
Don't fear that you're wrong.
Just fight until the end,
All you need to do is fight off something!
(And these walking objects are...smartphones with the "hammer hashtag" icon on them)
Don't worry! As long as you don't see me as human, you can hate me all you want! Because remember: this can never happen to you! I'm bad! You're good! The more extreme you can get, the more happy you'll become! So put that person whose face you hate here! And tweet! Tweet! TWEET! TWEET!! TWEEEEEEET!!!
(The same animal-like creature's shadow looms over the mad imagery as the dictator and his two men continue walking. The shot changes to Corey walking solemnly through the underground train station. He then stops as he senses that all the cast members are behind him as they start to sing a parody of the song "Bring the Boys Back Home")
All (except for Corey): Bring the runtime down
(They all start talking over each other)
All: An hour and ten's more sound
(They talk over each other again as Corey looks at them, confused. As they're singing, photos of a marching band and a crowd surrounding a young boy are shown, as it cuts back to Corey and the others still arguing)
All: Don't run the viewers' patience into the ground!
You're not Oscar bound
(Cut to a photo of an army silhouetted by the sun)
All (vo): Eyeing my watch now
(They complain again)
All: All of you moping
Really ain't that profound.
Bring the runtime down!
(After the smoke clears, Corey finds himself in the hallway of NC's studio. NC himself is waiting for him, crossing his hands. Corey stops in front of him)
NC: So, Corey. Your analysis of Pink Floyd: The Wall has led you here. Do you now understand the deeper meaning of--
(Suddenly, the phone rings, cutting him short)
NC: Do you understand the deeper meaning of what it has to say, or--
(The phone rings again. Corey rolls his eyes)
NC: (talking loudly over the phone) Or is it just a misguided ego trip in this self-indulgent world that we all live in-- (gives up) Pardon. (bends down and finally answers) WHO IS IT?!
(On the other line is...Sullivan Croft, the main character of the web series Satellite City, played by its creator, Sam Fennah. One of the creatures, Hyzenthlay, is standing on the table)
Croft: Hello, Critic. It's Sullivan Croft.
NC: The Satellite City guy?
Croft: Yes, actually. Um...I was, uh...is Lucy Lacemaker there? Is she there? 'Cause I was, uh, well...it's just a...just a thing that...
Hyzenthlay (Azure Douglas): Psst, Sullivan. Have you found her yet?
Croft: (whispers to Hyzenthlay) Shut the fuck up.
NC: What do you mean, "Is she there?" She's just a made-up character.
Croft: Mmm, I mean, you're not exactly given creation all of its credit. It's not like you just...shit out the horcrux that Voldemort never meant to make...
Croft: ...and that's it, you know, there is a lot more to it than that. When you make a character that looks real and feels real, well...hmm...the line tends to blur, you know? If you see her, just don't say anything stupid. Good luck, mate.
NC: Oh, that's that weird creature I've seen looming around.
(His eyes widen in shock as he sees Lucy Lacemaker herself standing in the doorway...and having a voice for the first time!)
Lucy (Rikki Leigh Taffurelli): Yes. And when I heard you were reviewing that much-to-be-desired Wall, I figured I'll find my own tippets.
(NC puts the phone down and listens)
Lucy: Style over substance, showcasing a bunch of weird creatures and worlds. Not a drop of intellectual development. All pen, no ink.
NC: But...you are a weird creature. I thought you'd be all over this.
(The shots of the famous "Trial" sequence from the movie are shown as Lucy speaks)
Lucy: Music is one thing. Film is quite another. The beauty of music is letting your minds deal itself. The beauty of cinema is taking those raw, maddening ideas and developing them. It's easy to think of a nonsensical idea. Fucking children do it! It's hard to turn these ideas into thinking, feeling characters and worlds. And isn't that the point of a cinematic adaptation? To make a point? Well, it's clear that the music here does that fine on its own. If you're going to adapt an album into a movie, a completely different medium, all they say... (whispers) One should adapt it.
NC: Oh. So, being a fully developed character, you wanted more fully developed characters.
Lucy: Whether we're developed or not is down to the viewer, old son. But this film out there, oh...it fails to truly connect us to those amazing creatures and visuals. The war does indeed exist, and it lies between the monsters and the emotion, dreams and reality, in a keen order. Make us feel for the world, make us connect to it, so we, too, can suffer with Pink!
NC: Visuals are usually praised as the best part. You think you can make a case that the weird characters needed more development?
Lucy: Each one represented something deep and meaningful. Fantastic designs and presence. Wouldn't you want more of them? Let me show you. Let me show you what happens when your dreams no longer need you.
(Lucy disappears in the dark, cackling. NC follows her...and we're shown them in an abstract world of the Satellite City, where NC is much smaller than everyone. This serves as the place for the tribute for the "Trial" scene)
Winifred: Right then, Lucy Lacemaker,
The court will take a vote on
If the film that plays before us
Can in any way show some feelings,
Worthy feelings of an almost canny nature,
From joys to gloom!
(Next character that corners NC is Fontaine (Duane Joseph Olson))
Fontaine: I always said I liked a well-made ditty.
I will not suffer shitty
Those that bring forth naught but pity
For their lack of wit and mind.
But here, we'd rather find
The result of heartened artists.
I say the music here is joyous,
But with that, we have to say...
(Next is Shuck (Duane Joseph Olson))
Left in the attic. We're not crazy.
I just wish they'd give us more time to live!
(Another creature is Mystique (Ericka Osete), who shows up behind NC)
Constantly at it, being lazy...
(She clicks her fingers, and NC appears before Sombra (Duane Joseph Olson), who picks him up by the jacket collar and throws him in a high cage. NC squirms in fear)
Sombra: Those little shits, they've done it now!
We all deserve personality.
They could have used us far more often than they did!
But no, they had to go their own way!
We are bored of Alice, we want the Hatter!
Just five minutes more, Your Honor.
Them and us, alone.
(Suddenly, another creature flies downward in a colorful tunnel)
Fleischer: WAAAAAAAIT!! (lands in front of NC)
This film's not bound by characters, it's a visual affair!
It never aimed to tell a story,
Rather a sprawling canvas of
Emotion, visual splendor,
And, Your Honor, we can take that home!
(Fade out...and smash cut to Ludwig (Duane Joseph Olson) standing inside a clockwork mechanism)
There's more to the picture,
Both sides of the wall...
(He's joined by Dorothy (Ashley Tyler))
Ludwig and Dorothy: There's a difference between nonsense, after all!
(Luna (Halie Anderson) is sitting on the glowing moon.)
Ludwig and Luna: Creation!
Luna: Genius, and nonsense, and creation!
(Lucy, who serves as the judge, stands above NC on a pile of hammers.)
Lucy: The evidence before the court is incontrovertible!
There's no need for the jury to retire!
In all my years of judging, I have never seen before
A film so deserving of both love and wanting more!
(She jumps on his shoulder)
The way it makes you tougher,
Makes you think and feel but suffer,
Fills me with an urge to decapitate!
I believe...this film is apt with much to be revered!
But the marvelous creatures should be adored,
As opposed to being feared!
Tear down the wall!
(The hand-drawn animation of iconic walking hammers kicks in, blurring and flashing before the viewers. The clock's striking is heard, and images and clips from before roll onscreen again. All the while, the chanting "Tear down the wall!" are played in rhythm with the music. CRASH! Cut to the wall being destroyed by the smiling NC, who is back at his studio again. He looks aside...and sees Corey, who has fallen asleep and is leaning on the corner)
(Corey wakes up. Annoyed, NC moves the destroyed wall away from the shot, and a sound of glass shattering is heard. NC and Corey look at one other)
NC: (imitating Curly Bill from Tombstone) Well...bye.
(He goes to leave)
Corey: (speaks for the first time in the video) What, that's it?
(NC stops and turns back to Corey)
Corey: We're stopping there?
NC: Well...yeah, the movie did.
Corey: I didn't even get a line! Hell, I didn't even sing a song! What'd you even think of the movie?
NC: Well, the movie ended on such an open vagueness, that it only makes sense that the review end on such an open vagueness.
Corey: (flabbergasted) It's a REVIEW! That is literally the opposite of what that is!
NC: OKAY! I liked it fine.
Corey: Yeah, me, too.
NC: A little full of itself, but good music and imagination.
Corey: Fair enough.
(They stare for a bit)
NC: So, now what?
Corey: Well... (takes his electric guitar) Since you got me...
(NC gasps, overjoyed)
Corey: I think I can sing you one of my biggest hits.
NC: You mean...?!
Corey: (smiles) Oh, yeah.
(Cut to Corey playing on his guitar, joined by his son, Doug, his cast in the review (sans Rob and Barney, who were filming this shot), Brad Jones, his wife Laura, and Rob Scallon accompanying in the background)
Corey: (singing) Oooohhhh... Who lives in the pineapple under the sea?
All: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Corey: (singing) Absorbent and yellow and porous is he?
All: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Corey: (singing) If nautical nonsense be something you wish...
All: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Corey: (singing) Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
All: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Everybody: (singing) SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob...SquarePants!
(Corey plays the final eight notes of the theme song, and everybody breaks into laughter. The cover for Rob Scallon's album for the video appears as the laughing continues)
Corey: Yeah. I mean, uh...let that be here.
(Everybody laughs again)
Doug: Check out the album!
(The credit that says thanks to Corey and Griff, Rob Scallon and Sam Fennah's animated creatures appears. The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the rest of the credits)
- No actual clips are shown from the film. Instead, the Critic recreates a comedic version of the movie with his own actors and characters and uses screenshots from the movie.
- This is the third episode in the revived series to not have a Channel Awesome Tagline at the end.