The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2014
January 13, 2016
12:56 (Part 1)
14:25 (Part 2)
Todd plays Ellie Goulding - "Love Me Like You Do" on the piano.
THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2015
A year-end review
Todd: In a world of online reviews, only one man; one...brave soul; waits to release his top tens for the year until mid-January!
Montage clips of The Weeknd - "The Hills"; Drake - "Hotline Bling"; Adele - "Hello"; Justin Bieber - "What Do You Mean?"; Major Lazor & DJ Snake ft. MØ - "Lean On"; Taylor Swift - "Wildest Dreams"; David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha & Afrojack - "Hey Mama"; WALK THE MOON - "Shut Up And Dance"; Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth - "See You Again"; Fetty Wap - "Trap Queen"; Meghan Trainor - "Lips Are Moving"; and OMI - "Cheerleader"
Todd (VO): I mean seriously, why am I the only one who waits? The year's not over until it's over! I saw some publications put up their best of the year lists in November! It's like Christmas ads, it just keeps rolling further and further. Hell people are doing a whole "Christmas in July" thing now. [picture of publication's "The 50 Best Albums of 2015 ... So Far] Best of the year. So far. Nothing has happened yet! I, however, prudently choose to not even start working on these babies until the year is good and over so I don't miss anything. Who knows what utter monstrosities might sneak in under the wire! I'm not procrastinating!
Todd: I'm being thorough! ... Okay I'll admit, I did drag my feet a little bit doing the worst list this year. 'Cause I'll be honest, I didn't really hate all that much! I mean, in fact...
Clip of Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars - "Uptown Funk"
Todd (VO): ...I quite like a lot of the year! After the awful, awful year that was 2014, 2015 was a goddamn relief. I mean [clip of "Pretty Girls" by Britney Spears and...] did Iggy Azalea have a hit this year? No. See? Much better year. Can't wait to do my best list. I almost don't wanna drag myself through the dregs when pop music took such a notable uptake!
Todd: In fact it's not too late to skip this list, is it? Can we go right to the best...ah, nah, you'd probably kill me. Alright, let's do this. We're counting down...
- Clip of Big Sean ft. E-40 - "I Don't Fuck With You", which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown.
- Big Sean: I don't fuck with you
Todd (VO): The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2015!
- Big Sean: ...you
- You little, you little dumb ass bitch, I ain't fuckin' with you
Todd (VO): #10.
Todd: I don't know how to say this, but um...I'm too old for this shit.
#10. T-Wayne - "Nasty Freestyle"
T-Wayne: First let me hop out the motherfucking Porsche.
Don't want it if that ass don't sit like a horse.
Todd (VO): Look. I'm in my 30's. In pop music terms, I'm ready for the nursing home. I'm just sitting at home listening to all my old LPs on my hi-fi while the whippersnappers listen to their tween core on Snapgram or whatever the hell.
Todd: So let me be clear that while I do hate that this song got big, I hate how it got big even more.
Todd (VO): Let me explain. This is T-Wayne, who is currently tied with [album cover of Tha Carter VI by...] Young Thug for "World's Most Generic Rap Name." I've never heard of him, and had I not had to do this list, I literally would have never heard this song. I don't know that anyone really has heard this song! It didn't seem to get any radio play or sell any records. It got famous the same way that...
Todd: ..."Harlem Shake" did. It was a soundtrack for a...
Todd (VO): [Clip of a "Harlem Shake" video] ...stupid meme! Except that "Harlem Shake" at least was tied to something weird enough that I get why it went viral. [Clip montage of various Vines using "Nasty Freestyle."] This got big off a meme not funny enough to mention that spread entirely through Vines, which you might recall are six seconds long! Most people who have heard this song only know the first couple lines! This is without exaggeration the stupidest way anyone has ever gotten a hit song! The idea that someone got famous off of Vines...
Todd: ...infuriates me! And I'm famous on YouTube!
T-Wayne: Toilet seat ass nigga, man I swear you getting peed on.
Todd (VO): And this is very clear that there is absolutely no way this song would get big on the merits of it being an actual song, cause it isn't. And it's basically just a demo. There's no chorus, it's just...him rapping about how great he is which he is demonstrably not.
T-Wayne: Got a tiger as a pet, I just took him to the vet.
Todd: Turns out my tiger has lymphoma. It's very sad.
T-Wayne: I just took him to the vet.
Todd (VO): And what's with the vocals dying at the end of that line? Usually you do that for a curse word or on the word "down" so you can drop the beat, not just at the end of a random sentence.
Todd: Kinda just sounds like the DJ wants you to stop, I certainly do!
T-Wayne: Been about the money I ain't worried 'bout the fame
I'm 'bout to have everybody saying "Who is Ricky Wayne?"
Todd (VO): Don't mistake confusion for interest, you nobody!
Todd: Vines... This is not the future I was promised!
T-Wayne: I'm the king of this shit. Crown by the toilet.
Todd (VO): #9.
#9. Little Big Town - "Girl Crush"
Todd (VO): #8.
#8. Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown - "Only"
Todd (VO): #7.
#7. Selena Gomez - "Same Old Love"
Todd (VO): #6.
Todd (VO): #5.
Todd (VO): #4.
#4. Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar - "Bad Blood"
Todd (VO): #3.
#3. Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink - "Worth It"
Todd (VO): #2.
#2. Rachel Platten - "Fight Song"
Maroon 5 - "Sugar"
- Adam Levine: Sugar, yes please
Todd (VO): The year that Maroon 5 redeem themselves...not 2015. And this is actually one of the more tolerable Maroon 5 songs in recent memory. I just wanted...you know, that at their best they're still goddamn terrible.
O.T. Genasis - "CoCo"
- O.T. Genasis: I'm in love with the CoCo, CoCo
Another Vine rapper. If there are any other songs that get big off of Vine, just put them on my worst list automatically.
Justin Bieber - "Sorry"
- Justin: Is it too late now to say sorry?
Todd (VO): Being honest, I actually don't mind this song at all. In fact I honestly kinda like it. It's just...Christ, Bieber's such a shit!
- Justin: You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty
Todd (VO): My god, Bieber, you're such a terrible human being!
Todd: What the hell is wrong with you...
iLoveMemphis - "Hit the Quan"
- iLoveMemphis: Hit the Quan! Hit the Quan! Hit the Quan!
Todd: No, I'm not gonna hit the Quan. The Quan never did anything to me.
Todd (VO): Literally the only reason why "Watch Me" made the list and this didn't is because this actually has lyrics.
Todd: Oh, setting low bars today, aren't we?
- Shawn: I'm without your kisses
Todd (VO): You suck, Mendes! You suck.
Nick Jonas - "Chains"
- Nick: You got me in chains
You got me in chains for your love
Todd (VO): Whenever I get annoyed at The Weeknd's hard, sexy R&B guy schtick, I remind myself that it can always, always be worse.
Usher ft. Juicy J - "I Don't Mind"
R. City ft. Adam Levine - "Locked Away"
Todd (VO): (ominously) #1.
#1. Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor - "Marvin Gaye"
Closing tag song: Sia Ft. The Weeknd - "Elastic Heart"
This video is owned by me
I can't wait til we can break up outta here
- ↑ #13 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #47 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #50 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #63 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #51 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #6
- ↑ #74 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #8 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #15 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #23 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #20 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #5 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #79 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #1
- ↑ #83 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #36 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #68 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #55 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #40 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #75 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #52 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100