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Date Aired
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January 16, 2020
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Running Time
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17:21 (Part 1)
18:26 (Part 2) |
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Next review
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TBC
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Introduction
Todd plays Khalid - "Talk"[1] on piano
THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2019
A year-end review
Todd: Aw, man. Remember the 2010s?
Montage clips of events from 2010s
Todd (VO): What an absolutely insane decade. And many bad things happened in it. But...uh, this decade is also not off to a great start. I kinda miss the 2010s already. Todd: But honestly, 2019 didn't feel like the end of the decade; it felt like the beginning of something else.
Montage clips of Lizzo - "Truth Hurts"[2]; Billie Eilish - "Bury a Friend"[3]; Lil Nas X - "Panini"[4]
Todd (VO): It might be because the big names of the year were all new artists, but it was one of the freshest and most exciting years I can remember in pop music. It-it felt like one of...pop music's big inflection points, like 1992 or 1977 where everything changes. Todd: And not only was this one of the most exciting years I've covered in music, it was also one of the best!
Montage clips of Taylor Swift - "You Need to Calm Down"[5]; Ariana Grande - "7 Rings"[6]; Lil Nas X ft. Billy Cyrus - "Old Town Road"[7]; Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello - "Señorita"[8]; Jonas Brothers - "Sucker"[9]; Post Malone - "Circles"[10]
Todd (VO): Like, I've had years where the pop charts just do not interest me at all. Some years it's hard to fill out the best list. This year it was hard to make cuts. I really love this list, and it was all really tight. #8 could have been #2; any of them would have placed pretty high in weaker years. Todd: And the year isn't really over until I release this list, right? So let's put a button on it. We're counting down...
Clip from DylanGLC's "Happy", which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown
Todd (VO): The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2019!
#10
Todd (VO): #10.
Taylor Swift: Me-e-e
Brendon Urie: Hey kids!
Taylor: Spelling is fun!
Todd: Huh. Okay. So, um...
Todd (VO): ...around the time this fucking thing broke, I predicted that Brendon Urie would become the new [image of...] Adam Levine.
Todd: I've had time to swish that thought around in my brain, and, uh...I've come up with a better comparison.
Video for Panic! at the Disco - "High Hopes"[12]
Todd (VO): Panic! at the Disco is the new [image of Rivers Cuomo] Weezer, [clip of live performance of Weezer - "Africa"] in that their stuff clearly became a lot sillier at some point, and we idiot music nerds are doomed to have endless debates about whether they're still good or not.
Todd: As with Weezer, I adopted [arrow pointed at Todd with text: "Centrist Scum"] obnoxious middle ground.
Todd (VO): "High Hopes", I still think that song's terrible. Lyrics are boring, and the sound never really comes together. [clip of...wait for it...] But, uh... I liked that other single.
Todd: [shrugs] I guess I was ready for the sequel.
#10. Panic! at the Disco - "Hey Look Ma, I Made It"[13]
Brendon: Hey look ma, I made it
Hey look ma, I made it
Todd: Unlike "High Hopes", I liked this one right away.
Todd (VO): But, it was listening to the whole album that brought me around on Panic! at the Disco as they entered their new...
Todd: ...complete and total selling-out phase of their careers.
Clip of live performance of "Hey Look Ma, I Made It"
Todd (VO): Much like Weezer, Urie threw himself into it like, "You know what, fuck it. If this is what we're gonna do, let's go whole hog."
Brendon: Then they celebrate my medals
Or they wanna take my trophies
What the fuck is this?!
Todd: Like, imagine explaining [image of two...] to any eye-linered Hot Topic kid in 2006...
Todd (VO): ...that their favorite emo band would end up a cheesy lounge act.
Todd: But Panic! was always kinda self...
Video for Panic! at the Disco - "I Write Sins Not Tragedies"
Todd (VO): ...consciously artificial, so it's not as weird a transition as you might think.
Clip of "Hey Look Ma, I Made It"
Brendon: Are you ready for the sequel?
There's a lot of Cobra Starship energy to new Panic! All the glittery glitz and glamour, but at a weird angle. Like, it knows how silly this all is, and it leans into it. Todd: And "Hey Look Ma, I Made It" is the most explicit song on the album because it's literally about selling out.
Brendon: 'Cause I'm a hooker sellin' songs
And my pimp's a record label
Todd (VO): As proud as he is of his success, he also sounds ambivalent that he made it in such a worthless bullshit arena as popular music.
Todd: And as someone who's making it in an even [shot of YouTube logo] more bullshit arena, I'm all into it.
Todd (VO): And it's that kind of energy and honesty that makes me feel like no matter how far Panic! at the Disco gets from its roots and how pop it goes, maybe Urie will retain enough self-awareness and personality to...
Todd: ...not be Adam Levine. We can only hope.
Brendon: ...look ma, I made it
Interlude
#9
Todd (VO): #9.
Todd: Back at the start of this decade, I was still working part-time as [image of...] a substitute teacher...I guess you can call in the inner city.
Video for Coolio ft. LV - "Gangsta's Paradise"
Todd (VO): I was like Michelle Pfeiffer molding vulnerable, innocent... Todd: Yeah, no. I handed out worksheets and I tried not to look [image of sleeping teacher] too hung over. But I had one very distinct musical memory from this time. These... [image of...] these three little 4th-grade girls singing a song. This one particular song.
Clip from Hannah Montana: The Movie
Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus): If you guys don't mind...I'm gonna add a little hip-hop to this hoedown.
Pop it, lock it, polka-dot it
Countrify then hip-hop it
Yup. Hannah Montana's "Hoedown Throwdown".
Todd: My point is, the Cyruses have been seeding the ground for this moment for a long time.
#9. Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - "Old Town Road"
Lil Nas X: I got the horses in the back
Horse tack is attached
Todd (VO): Okay, maybe it's a stretch to credit Miley Cyrus for "Old Town Road", but... Todd: ...look at it.
Clip of "Hoedown Throwdown"
Todd (VO): Hannah Montana is out there teaching a whole generation of kids to mix rap and country. [clip of "Old Town Road"] Nine years later, the now grown kid behind the biggest country rap song of all time, [image of Billy Ray Cyrus on the set of Hannah Montana with Miley] handpicks Hannah Montana's father to put it over the top. [clip of SNL performance of "Sucker" by...] Combine that with the Jonas Brothers comeback... Todd: ...the shock waves from 2000s Disney are gonna keep reverberating. Who knows what the effects are gonna be.
Clip of "Old Town Road"
Lil Nas X: I'm gonna take my horse to the old town road
Todd (VO): So, what do we do now? Now that "Old Town Road" is officially the [shot of article: "Old Town Road Breaks Record For Most Weeks At #1"] biggest song in pop history? Todd: Where do we go from here?
Video for...
Todd (VO): Will it turn out to be like Cee-Lo's "Fuck You", a novelty song we all thought was gonna be more important than it was, and later we'll all be like... Todd: ..."Wait. [side-by-side images of Cardi B and Solange Knowles...] Why are we all wearing chaps in 2019"? Or is this in fact the game-changer everyone thinks it is?
Video for "Old Town Road"
Todd (VO): Maybe it is the next "Royals" or "Despacito". I don't know.
Todd: This is relatively low on the list because it took me a long time to get on the horse-drawn bandwagon.
Todd (VO): I'm still a little suspicious of it, and kind of sympathetic to anyone who never took to it, like...
Todd: ...what an obnoxious year this must've been for them.
Todd (VO): And the "Old Town Road" outrage and discourse was just...miserable to be involved with.
Todd: For what it's worth, the whole idea that there was gonna be some kind of racist backlash against it...I think it was really overstated.
Todd (VO): I-I'm sure there's at least a little, but in my experience, white people like it when black people like the things they like. And the country fandom, old, young, whatever, they seem to be pretty okay with it. It's just a hard song for anyone to not enjoy.
Todd: And yeah, there's a part of me that still doesn't quite believe the hype, but...
Todd (VO): ...fuck it. I just decided to let the masses sweep me away on this one. I love that pop music is just this amazingly insane and unpredictable...
Todd: ...where a silly song like this can be imbued with so much importance.
Todd (VO): Plus it has one of the most killer choruses ever written. And when that beat drops for Billy Ray's verse, and then it comes back in...
Billy Ray Cyrus: ...Maserati sports car
Got no stress...
FUCK YEAH! Todd: Greatest two seconds of the year.
Billy Ray: I'm like a Marlboro Man so I kick on back
Todd (VO): There's just something magical about this whole phenomenon. Some accidental genius we'll never see again. Todd: Nashville is now trying to reverse-engineer Lil Nas X's success.
Clip of Blanco Brown - "The Git Up"
Blanco Brown: Do the two-step, then cowboy boogie
Grab your sweetheart and spin out with 'em
Todd: [shaking his head] Mmm, no. It's not the same thing.
Video for "Old Town Road"
Todd (VO): Will we see Lil Nas X in 2020? Todd: We'll see. But 2019 will always be his before it's anyone else's.
Video ends
Interlude
#8
Todd (VO): #8.
Clip of Saweetie - "My Type"[14]
Saweetie: Bust down wrist, not a bust down bitch
Todd (VO): One of the big stories of music 2019 was [screenshot of Revolt article: "2019 was a Golden Year for Women in Rap"] the explosion of female rappers. [clips of Nicki Minaj - "Anaconda"...] For years, the only woman in the game was Nicki, and [...and Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - "Fancy"] for a brief period, Iggy, which I think we all regret. Todd: Other than that, it was a total sausage-fest.
Video for Cardi B - "Bodak Yellow"
Todd (VO): Once Cardi arrived it was, you know, thank God, a challenger for the title. But unfortunately, [clip of Migos, Nicki Minaj, Cardi B - "MotorSport"] Nicki fell right out of everyone's good graces so that one had a clear winner.
Todd: But, all of a sudden, it seemed like we realized we don't have to have just [clip of City Girls - "Act Up"[15]] one woman. Hip-hop isn't [image of...] The Smurfs. [collage of various female rappers] So it's nice that the race to be queen of hip-hop stayed competitive.
Todd: Not that it's actually a competition. But you know, if it was...
Video for Cardi B - "Money"
Todd (VO): ...then it quickly became clear that the main event would be Cardi vs. [clip of "Good As Hell"[16] by...] Lizzo. And it was gonna be hard to pick the winner. I have thoughts about who I'd pick, but...
Todd: ...as part of the fairness doctrine, I am required to ask..."Have you considered voting third party?"
#8. Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla Sign - "Hot Girl Summer"[17]
JT: Real ass bitch
Ty Dolla Sign: Know she got it lit
Hot Girl Summer so you know she got it lit
Todd (VO): "Old Town Road" will always have the weirdest path to success that year, but the story of Megan Thee Stallion's biggest hit, "Hot Girl Summer, was... Todd: ...also kind of odd, [image of girls in a pool with screenshot of tweet: "just know my hot girl summer is in full effect"] starting out as a meme long before it was a single. And I acknowledge that it is hard to turn a catchphrase into a song.
Clip from The Simpsons
Bart Simpson: [to "U Can't Touch This" instrumental] I didn't do it!
Todd (VO): Perhaps it would have been best to leave it as a slogan rather than cash in on it. [screen capture of "Hot Girl Summer" video on YouTube with release date circled in red] By the time "Hot Girl Summer" came out, the summer was almost over. So it was more like a tribute to the hot girl summer that was. In the past. But... Todd: ...who am I to complain about anyone [calendar for January 2020 with "FINISH BEST OF 2019 VIDEO" on the first week] putting out their work late. And besides, most great summer songs are about summer as a memory.
Montage clips of...
Todd (VO): "Summer of '69", "Boys of Summer", "Summer Girls". Forever a classic. [clip of...] Honestly, I loved "Hot Girl Summer" immediately. I saw plenty of critics who were disappointed. And the big complaint was that the "hot girl summer" was supposed to be about being hot for yourself, not for any dudes. Todd: So there shouldn't be a dude on the song.
Ty Dolla Sign: Big ol' freak, it's a must that I hit
Todd (VO): Frankly, I didn't mind at all. The hook is great, but at the same time it was...kind of not that important. Ty Dolla Sign, who is doing a decent Drake impression here, I think he understands that he's here to be the hype-man for Megan, and... Todd: ...otherwise, he is to get the fuck out of the way.
Megan Thee Stallion: Handle me? (Huh) Who gon' handle me? (Who?)
Thinkin' he's a player, he's a member on the team
Todd (VO): I admit the meme floating around as an all-purpose empowerment slogan probably helped sell the song to me because Megan mostly raps about herself, and not, you know... Todd: ...the other hot girls of that summer.
Megan: Ayy, I got one or two baes (Woah, woah)
If you seen it last night, don't say shit the next day
Todd (VO): And yet it felt like she didn't need to. The song just...
Todd: ...feels good.
Todd (VO): Even Nicki Minaj, whose career is clinging to life at the moment, is an entirely welcome presence here.
Nicki Minaj: When we say it's Hot Girl Summer, we ain't talkin' 'bout degrees
For once, she seems to be getting along with other women. She even bothered to show up for [clip of David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha & Afrojack - "Hey Mama"] the video instead of having to be digitally inserted like usual.
Megan: I'm a hot girl, so you know ain't shit stoppin'
Todd (VO): "Hot Girl Summer" felt like that last really great pool party of the year before school starts. So let's let 2019 live on in our memory as the year of the hot girl summer. We will tell our grandkids one glorious year the summer had nothing but hot girls. Todd: And after that...nothing but miserable asshole winter [sighs].
Nicki: Know we got it lit, yeah (Ah)
Interlude
#7
Todd (VO): #7.
Todd: When people in the future ask me what 2019 was like...I'm gonna tell them that it was....uh....[beat] it was a lot.
#7. 21 Savage ft. J. Cole - "A Lot"[18]
21 Savage: How much money you got? (A lot)
How many problems you got? (A lot)
How many people done doubted you? (A lot)
Todd (VO): I can't really say I've been big on 21 Savage. Don't really like mumble rap. [shot of article: "Don't Call 21 Savage a 'Mumble Rapper': 'You Can Hear Every Goddamn Word I Say'"] He says he's not mumble rap. Most mumble rappers say that. Todd: He doesn't mumble; I can understand him fine. But it's mumble rap adjacent at least.
Video for 21 Savage & Metro Boomin - "No Heart"
Todd (VO): His deal seems to be that he raps really violent lyrics in the deadest, ice-cold monotone. [clip of Post Malone ft. 21 Savage - "Rockstar"] For me, I always think of his most famous verse on Post Malone's "Rockstar"...
21 Savage: I've been in the Hills fuckin' superstars
Feelin' like a popstar
...where he was so emotionless, he made Xanaxed-out, sad boy Malone sound like [image of...] Billy Eichner. Todd: Like, I-I see what he's doing. It-it just wasn't for me.
Clip of "A Lot"
21 Savage: How many times did you ride? (A lot)
How many done died? (A lot)
Todd (VO): But "A Lot", the first single off his second album, changed what I thought about him entirely. He's not trying to show coldness with his flat delivery; it's total emotional burnout.
21 Savage: My brother lost his life and it turned me to a beast
My brother got life and it turned me to the streets
Todd: For a guy who literally released a song called [brief clip of...] "No Heart", it seems like he's got a lot to say about his inner life and the things he's gone through.
21 Savage: How many lawyers you got? (A lot)
How many times you got shot? (A lot)
How many...
Todd (VO): Like, he's seen some shit. My problems are like, "Oh, this video's coming out a little late." And then I listen to this, and I think...
Todd: ..."Oh, yeah. Maybe...maybe I should shut up."
Todd (VO): And if you thought he had problems before, he immediately got in more right after he released this song, when he became only the most famous victim of [clip of ABC News broadcast: "21 Savage Speaks Out: Will the Grammy-Nominated Star Be Deported?"] fucking ICE, who is now trying to deport him from the country he's lived in since he was seven!
Clip of "A Lot"
21 Savage: Went through some things
But I couldn’t imagine my kids stuck at the border
Like, he earns the right to sound that dead inside. I wouldn't sound enthused by the world either.
J. Cole: I love seein' shit like that
Question
Todd (VO): And I haven't really been into anything J. Cole has done for years, but I also really like his verse here, too. He comes on hard, calling out other rappers for Spotify fraud.
J. Cole: How many faking they streams? (A lot)
Getting they plays from machines? (A lot)
Who's listening to those songs? [image of...] A bot? I'm not a rapper... Todd: ...but Cole does use the word "jot" as a rhyme.
J. Cole: On a new record he got
He call it "a lot," I open my book and I jot
Todd (VO): I don't know why that amuses me. I-I just never heard of it before.
J. Cole: I'm on a tangent, not how I planned it
He also does kind of go all over the place. Giving shout-outs to [images of...] draft busts, Markelle Fultz and Dennis Smith Jr. of all people.
Todd: Please pray for the rest of the Knicks while you're at it.
Todd (VO): And most controversially, Tekashi 6ix9ine. [shot of article: "Tekashi 6ix9ine: Rapper sentenced to two years in prison"] A guy who got tired of waiting to be cancelled, so he cancelled himself.
J. Cole: Pray for Tekashi, they want him to rot
I picture him inside a cell on a cot
Shot of another article: "Tekashi 6ix9ine to be re-sentenced for posting sex tape of 13-year-old girl
Todd (VO): [beat] No, I'm not gonna...
Todd: ...pray for that guy, Cole.
Todd (VO): But even with that one, if you zoom out from...Tekashi being a terrible person, I do see the [shot of Genius article: "6ix9ine Testifies In Court About How His Music Career Got Him Involved In Gang Life"] broad outlines of his life being this grand tragedy, so I think I'll let that one slide. And you know what?
Todd: Even if I don't relate to these specific problems...
Todd (VO): ...like I said, everything just felt like a lot this year. I'm glad we had this song to express the overwhelming stress of...
Todd: ...of just, you know, just fucking everything all the fucking time!
Todd (VO): I'm exhausted, I'm dead inside. Thank you, 21 Savage for expressing...
Todd: ...how we're all feeling.
Video ends
Interlude
#6
Todd (VO): #6.
#6. Post Malone - "Circles"
Interlude
#5
Todd (VO): #5.
#5. BTS ft. Halsey - "Boy with Luv"[19]
Interlude
#4
Todd (VO): #4.
#4. Sam Smith ft. Normani - "Dancing with a Stranger"[20]
Interlude
#3
Todd (VO): #3.
#3. Katy Perry - "Never Really Over"[21]
Interlude
#2
Todd (VO): #2.
#2. DaBaby - "Intro"[22]
Honorable Mentions
Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid - "Eastside"[23]
Post Malone & Swae Lee - "Sunflower"[24]
Cardi B - "Money"[25]
Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper - "Shallow"[26]
Carly Rae Jepsen - "Too Much"
Taylor Swift - "The Archer"[27]
Machine Gun Kelly, YungBlud & Travis Barker - "I Think I'm Okay"
Lizzo - "Juice"[28]
Interlude
#1
Todd (VO): [ominously] #1.
#1. Billie Eilish - "Bad Guy"[29]
Closing Tag Song: Blueface - "Thotiana"[30]
THE END
This video is owned by me
THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!
Footnotes
- ↑ #8 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #13 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #73 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #40 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #39 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #7 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #1 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #15 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #10 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #62 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #43 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #11 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #61 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #76 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #68 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #3 in 2019
- ↑ #93 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #42 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #8 in 2019
- ↑ #14 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #15 in 2019
- ↑ Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #13 in 2019
- ↑ #17 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #2 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #38 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #19 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #38 in 2019
- ↑ Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #82 in 2019
- ↑ #4 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
- ↑ #47 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100