The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2017

The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2017
Date Aired	January 22nd, 2018
Running Time	16:31 (Part 1) 18:23 (Part 2)
Previous review	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2017
Next review	TBA
Website	https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDdRdEhjISA (Part 1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DizdUzf_NeE (Part 2)

Introduction

Todd plays Camilla Cabello ft. Young Thug - "Havana"on the piano.

THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2017
A year-end review

Todd: [sighs] Okay, I'm finally getting this list out. I mean I did get the list out earlier this year. Still feels like I'm way behind. [sighs again] Anyway...Hey! Remember 2017?

Montage clips of Imagine Dragons - "Thunder"; Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee - "Despacito"; DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper & Lil Wayne - "I'm the One"; Ed Sheeran - "Castle on the Hill"; French Montana ft. Swae Lee - "Unforgettable"; Charlie Puth - "Attention"; Ed Sheeran - "Shape of You"; The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - "I Feel It Coming"

Todd (VO): Not a good year for mainstream music, right? Well, actually I'm not sure how I judge whether a year is good or not. Right when the year is over, I'm like, "Did I mostly enjoy the music this year?" And this year the answer to that is definitely no.

Todd: But the further in the past a year gets, the more I tend to ignore all the shitty parts, and just judge it by how good the best stuff was. And I gotta admit, the stuff I liked in 2017 I really liked.

Montage clips of Zedd & Alessia Cara - "Stay"; DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller - "Wild Thoughts"; Julia Michaels - "Issues"; James Arthur - "Say You Won't Let Go"; Camilla Cabello ft. Young Thug - "Havana"; Shawn Mendes - "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back"

Todd (VO): Granted that could be because the rest of the year was so samey sounding that the good stuff stood out way more. Or maybe it was just how surprising this year was. No one did what I expected them to do. Acts I hated turned out great, acts I at least respected turned to complete dog shit. Maybe I'm projecting, but it sure seems like there was an upheaval.

Todd: But I will say this. I had extreme difficulty narrowing my favorites down to ten this year. That hasn't happened in a while, so you know what? Hey, maybe things aren't so bad. So let's get to it. We're counting down...

Clip from DJ Drybones's "Top Pop Songs Of 2017 Mashup (Take It Slow), which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown.

Charlie Puth: You just wanna

Ed Sheeran: Love somebody like me

Todd (VO): The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2017!

The Weeknd: When you're alone with me

Alessia Cara: All you have to do is

#10

Todd (VO): #10.

Todd: Heh. We're, uhh, we're gonna start off this list on a curve ball. [chuckles] Boy, this is, umm...didn't expect this guy to ever be on a list of mine [chuckles again].

#10. Post Malone ft. Quavo - Congratulations

Post Malone: Now they always say, "Congratulations" (uh)

Worked so hard, forgot how to vacation

Todd (VO): It's not that I dislike Post Malone, it's that I don't get Post Malone. And I think I don't get Post Malone because I don't smoke pot. Just... Todd: ...not a pot guy. I mean, like [images of fire...] lighting something on fire and [...and fire dancer...] sticking it in my mouth [...and stoner dude] to make myself stupider? No, never. It is not for me. I am anti-drugs [takes out bottle of beer and takes a sip].

Video for Post Malone ft. 21 Savage - "Rockstar"

Todd (VO): Or, I don't know. Maybe I don't like him because he sucks. Maybe he just sucks. He makes these droning, monotonous songs. It's like a rap version [brief clip of "It's Been Awhile"] of the guy from Staind. [clip of Post Malone - "White Iverson"] Like this guy claims he's the white Allen Iverson. Todd: That's one of the harshest things against white people I've ever heard!

Clip of ESPN interview with Allen Iverson

Todd (VO): Iverson was one of the most talented and volatile basketball players in history. [Iverson + mayonnaise =...] And if you add whiteness to that you get...[picture of...] the lovechild of Jay and Silent Bob? Todd: Christ, I'm offended on behalf of white people. That's almost hate speech!

Video for "Congratulations"

Todd (VO): I don't know, man. I heard this song and it just hit me.

Post Malone: My momma called, seen you on TV

Todd (VO): And I'm not sure why. I mean, it's yet another rapper bragging about his success. And Post Malone has only been around for like a year or so, so that can all be gone tomorrow. Maybe he's celebrating a little early, but... Todd:...I don't know, I feel it.

Post Malone: Yeah, we made it (uh)

They was never friendly

Todd (VO): And when most rappers celebrate, you know, they go to strip clubs, and they chug Patrón, and I-I can't relate to that. Todd: But when I look at the empire I built as a low- to mid-level Youtube celebrity...[images of...] you know, look at my splendorous apartment, my fabulous pre-owned Nissan Ultima. Right? And I hear this song, and I think, "Yeah!"

Post Malone: Now they always say, "Congratulations" (uh)

Todd (VO): This song is what that success feels like. Todd: It's not excess or partying, it's just the relaxed satisfaction of Post Malone reflecting on all the work he's done.

Post Malone: They ain't never had the dedication (uh)

People...

Todd (VO): So I will say it does sound weird for Post Malone to be talking about how much work he does, seeing as he looks like he just got fired from Burger King for [image of girl...] doing whippets at work. Even Quavo seems to wanna be done with his guest verse as quickly as possible.

Quavo: Huncho and Post (yah, ayy) Malone (ayy)

I gotta play on my phone (ayy)

Huncho Houdini is gone (ayy)

Todd: [unenthusiastically] I have never related to a rap song more in my life. Yeah, I made it [checks out his phone].

Video ends

Interlude

#9

Todd (VO): #9.

Clip of Saturday Night Live

Dwayne Johnson: Once again, Katy Perry.

SNL performance of "Bon Appétit" with Katy Perry just standing there doing a stupid dance

Takeoff: Now I ask her, "What's the price?"

If she do right, told her get whatever you like (Offset!)

Todd (VO): What is she doing? Whaaaaaaaaaat is she doing? Todd: I don't think anyone would deny this was a bad year for Katy Perry.

Clip of "Swish Swish"

Todd (VO): Nothing seemed to go her way. Her album bombed, she did [cut back to SNL] whatever the hell this is. Somehow, the woman who was the hottest pop star in the world at the start of the decade became unfathomably mom-lame. I blame the haircut. Todd: And you could see it coming. Like...

Video for Beyoncé - "Hold Up"

Todd (VO): ...there are superstars who have a cult of personality who will be famous no matter what happens, whose fans will follow them around no matter what. You know, like Gaga or Beyoncé. [video for "Bon Appétit"] But, acts like Katy Perry, who don't really have personalities of their own, they're famous as long as they have the tunes to back it up. Todd: And not one second longer.

Video for "Teenage Dream"

Todd (VO): Even I, the reluctant Katy Perry defender, have to admit that I never really cared about her as a person. Or at least I didn't until 2017, when the Katy Perry persona developed an...

Todd: ...intriguing new layer: deep and thorough self-loathing.

#9. Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley - Chained to the Rhythm

Katy: Turn it up, it's your favorite song

Dance, dance, dance to the distortion

Turn it up, keep it on repeat

Todd (VO): It's been obvious for a while that Katy Perry doesn't want to make "I Kissed A Girl," or "California Gurls" anymore. [clip of Tonight Show performance of "Firework"] She just wants to inspire little kids. She wants to make "Firework" and "Roar." But a Katy Perry album needs a big opening single, so this is basically her attempt to make "California Gurls" with a social conscience. How do you even do that? Well, apparently the only way to write a conscious Katy Perry song is to... Todd: ...make it about how Katy Perry songs are garbage and making the world worse.

Katy: Yeah, we think we're free

We're all chained to the rhythm

To the rhythm

Todd (VO): It's basically self-defeating, and I'm not comfortable with it for that reason. It's like a book called, "Don't Read This Book."

Katy: So put your rose-colored glasses on

Todd (VO): It was also the second time in one year that Skip Marley dragged a clueless white celebrity into corporate-approved wokeness.

Skip: Break down the walls to connect, inspire

Ay, up in your high place, liars

Clip of the controversial Pepsi ad ft. Skip Marley - "Lions"

Skip: We are the lions

We are the chosen

Todd (VO): Yeah.

Katy: So comfortable, we're living in a bubble, bubble

So comfortable, we cannot see the trouble, trouble

Todd (VO): In fact, as someone who really loves stupid pop songs, I'm a little insulted. Stupid pop music is the only thing that keeps me going in our current whirlwind of bad news.

Todd: We need happy stupid songs like Katy Perry used to make. [brief clip of Katy's whipped cream boobs in "California Gurls" video] Okay, maybe we don't.

Todd (VO): Look, my first instinct was to dismiss this song. But as the year went on and on, and Katy Perry kept stumbling and looking sadder and sadder with each terrible flop single and embarrassing public appearance, "Chained to the Rhythm" kept sounding just darker and sadder.

Todd: And there were plenty of songs about misery and sadness this year, some of which deserved to be on this list way more than "Chained to the Rhythm"...

Todd (VO): ...but, I don't know. Coating the dread of 2017 in Katy Perry frosting just made it seem even darker than anything I heard this year.

Todd: And to be clear, yes, all of that is totally what this song is about. I'm not projecting. You wanna know how Katy Perry finished the year?

Clip of "Hey Hey Hey"

Todd (VO): As Marie Antoinette. Yeah, stay tuned for her next single... Todd: ..."I'm Awful Please Behead Me."

Katy: Chained to the rhythm

Interlude

#8

Todd (VO): #8.

#8. Drake - Passionfruit

Todd (VO): I know, I know. I'm sick of Drake, too. I'm sick of putting him on this list.

Todd: He hasn't done anything new in years. He's just-

Drake: Hold on, hold on, fuck that

Todd: [tries to compose himself] I-I'm sorry. Uh, we'll wait.

Drake: Hold on, I got to start this mothafuckin' record over again

Todd taps his hands on the piano while he waits for Drake to finish

Drake: Ayy, y'all get some more drinks goin' on

I'll sound a whole lot better

Todd: Are we done? Can we get back to it? OK. Well anyway, Drake is treading water. He [mixtape cover for More Life] dropped another mixtape this year, but I'll be straight with you. I didn't listen to it. I mean, I try. I try to push through it, but it-it's 80 minutes long. [album cover for Views] I listened to the album he released before this that's also 80minutes long. Jesus Christ, that's two and a half punishing hours of Drake! I don't know if Drake has anyone who wants to [image of two people...] spend two and a half hours with him in real life, let alone on his mixtapes.

Live performance of "Passionfruit"

Drake: You got issues that I won’t mention for now

’Cause we're fallin’ apart

Todd (VO): But I don't know. Like, no matter how many times I hear him do it, Drake failing at his relationships never stops being compelling to me. Even [video for...] "Hotline Bling," that most tunnel-visioned, self-centered, head-up-his-ass song in his repertoire has grown on me. And I just like the vibe here. It's like an alternate version of "Hold On, We're Going Home." Todd: Granted it doesn't have as good a beat or melody, but the lyrics are better.

Drake: Harder buildin' trust from a distance

Todd (VO): And "Passionfruit" I like specifically because I have also had long-distance relationships and, "Passionate for miles away," sounds very familiar to me. Especially the implied failure to live up to that passionate person.

Drake: Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

Todd (VO): Yeah, turns out sexting is not a relationship. And speaking as a dude who is also in perpetual meltdown mode...yeah, what can I say? I relate.

Todd: I totally see myself in Drake's moody failures. [Beat; takes another sip of beer]

Todd (VO): Although, I'm not as bad as Drake. Honestly, I don't know why anyone dates Drake anymore. It's like dating Taylor Swift. You have to know what you're gonna get.

Todd: [sarcastically] Oh, he's distant, drunk all the time, and having difficulty connecting? Surprise!

Interlude

#7

Todd (VO): #7.

Clip of Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon: Performing her new song, "Water Under the Bridge," once again, Adele!

Todd: Yes, Adele.

Todd (VO): It is time again to praise Adele. God knows she needs it. Adele needs more praise. Why don't we all give Adele more praise and awards and shit for being so great. Isn't she just great?

Todd: [sighs] God, I'm more predictable than the Grammys.

#7. Adele - Water Under the Bridge

Adele: If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently

Don't pretend that you don't want me

Our love ain't water under the bridge

Todd (VO): Look, the album's been out for more than two years now. You know what it's about. It's about reminiscing and trying to rekindle old flames that probably should remain out. It plays out a billion different ways over the course of the album. There was [brief clips of "Hello"...] desperate pleading, [..."When We Were Young"...] there was resignation, [...and "Send My Love (To Your New Lover)"] there was...I think this one was sarcasm. Todd: But I think "Water Under the Bridge" is a markedly different Adele than one I've ever heard anywhere else.

Adele: If you're not the one for me

Then how come I can bring you to your knees?

Todd (VO): I mean, she's still got that booming voice, but she's looser, she's more relaxed, she's...dare I say it, more fun. I mean, I've heard dance remixes of Adele that remind me of Whitney Houston. Todd: And I feel like a tiny hint of that, that "woo-hoo-hoo."

Snippet of woo-hoo-hoo

Todd: Like, I hear that and I think, she could totally be a dance diva if she wanted to.

Adele: [dubbed over with Martha Wash] Everybody dance now!

Todd (VO): I mean that'd be amazing. Imagine it.

Adele: And who are you hiding from?

Todd (VO): And from what I understand, it's like one of the few songs that she's put out in the last couple of albums that's not about an ex at all. I just kind of assumed it was 'cause that's what the entire album sounds like. But this is [image of Adele with...] actually a song about her future husband.

Todd: Apparently she was anticipating that he'd become a dick, and brutally dump her, and then she'd have material for another few albums.

Todd (VO): And that just kinda never happened. This guy turned out to be the real deal. Well, that's just heartwarming, right? And maybe that's why she sounds like she's having fun for once. Like even though it's mostly a song about fear that she's gonna get destroyed like usual, you can see the rays of hope and sunshine peeping through.

Todd: And God, did we need some sunshine this year. So, thank you Adele.

Adele: Say that our love ain't water under the bridge

Interlude

#6

Todd (VO): #6.

Clip of Reliable Sources broadcast:"The Weinstein Effect" on Sexual Harrassment Coverage

Brian Stelter: And since then, of course, more and more powerful men have been held to account. They've been accused of some kind of harrassing or assaulting behavior...

Todd (VO): This has been, umm...a difficult year to be a fan of male celebrities, or hear news about them, or just know they exist. 'Cause... Todd: ...in the back of your mind, you know. You just know.

Clip of Access Hollywood: "Sexual Harrassment in Hollywood"

Todd (VO): Me personally, I've been dealing with it by [cartoon image of guy...] binge-watching as much TV and movies by dudes I like while I still have time before I find out something about them that ruins it. Todd: Astonishingly, this wave of accusations has yet to really touch the record industry. So, you can still listen to the radio guilt-free.

Clip of ABC News

Todd (VO): But, there have been a couple here and there. And of course the big one happened like... Todd: ...a year or two before the current wave of sex crime news.

Video of Getty Timeline

Female Voice: Kesha and Dr. Luke going head to head in a legal battle. The pop star claiming years of abuse at the hands of her producer...

Todd: [nervously chuckles] This is a rough one to try and talk about.

#6. Kesha - Praying

Todd (VO): Kesha got famous playing a tacky, [picture of Kesha from 2010] sloppy, drunken party girl. And she played it so well, that I was certain, I mean dead certain...

Todd: ...that it had to be just who she really was.

Todd (VO): But slowly, we all kinda realized that Kesha had to have more going on. Like there were stories circulating about her having, like, perfect SATs. And there was just like a general lack of embarrassing news about her that you'd have expected. [clip of ET report] And then the rape accusations came out, and that was a whole thing that derailed her career for years while she tried to get out of her contract.

Kesha: You brought the flames and you put me through hell

Todd (VO): And on top of every other unfair thing about this story, I was certain that even after she got out of that contract, her career would be over. Todd: Like, she built an image, and this completely destroyed it. You can't be a party girl after that.

Kesha: And you said that I was done

Todd (VO): But the amazing this was she pulled it off by directly addressing it. Her song is basically a letter to the man who assaulted her, and it is powerful.

Kesha: I hope you're somewhere prayin’, prayin'

I hope your soul is changin'

Todd (VO): I mean, it is a song about forgiveness. But, like, the really condescending forgiveness that Southerners like to use [image of girl with text bubble: Oh, bless your heart] to remind you that you're a loathsome piece of shit. It's called "Praying" because it is a truly deep spiritual cleansing... Todd: ...in the sense that, you know being [image of three sinners...] burned alive is.

Kesha: When I’m finished, they won't even know your name

Todd (VO): Kesha says in this song that she wants the best for Dr. Luke. And I believe it because what she means by that is that she wants him to... Todd: ...be a completely different person than the piece of human garbage that he his

Kesha: I hope you're somewhere prayin’

Todd (VO): The only reason that it's this low on the list is because it's such an intense song. I can only listen to it every so often. It's...a lot. Still, I mean, what a buildup. What a payoff. Todd: By the end of it, I am sure that Kesha has ascended into godhood.

Video ends

Go to the second part!

Record Instruction: After these messages

We'll be riiight back!

Interlude

#5

Todd (VO): #5.

#5. Ed Sheeran - Castle on the Hill

#4

#4. Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean & Migos - Slide

#3

#3. Charlie Puth - Attention

#2

#2. The Chainsmokers - Paris

#1

#1. Lorde - Green Light