|
The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2014
| |
|
| |
|
Date Aired
|
January 31, 2015
|
|
Running Time
|
15:09 (Part 1)
|
|
Previous review
|
|
|
Next review
|
TBA
|
|
Website
|
|
Introduction
Todd plays American Authors' "Best Day of My Life"[1] on the piano.
THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2014
A very late year-end retrospective
Todd: I'm not thrilled with this list.
- Clip from DJ Drybones's "Top Pop Songs Of 2014 Mashup (How I Feel)", which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown.
- Pharrell: It might seem crazy what I'm about to say
Todd (VO): I really loved every song on my last Best of the Year list. This year, the picks were... kinda slim. And these are all gonna be songs I liked. I'm just saying I don't know how many would've made it on my Year-End list in better years. There's just... not a lot of strong competition. As a matter on fact, I think 2014 might set a record not only for the worst hits, but also for the least hits. You remember how I mentioned in a video how static the year was right for, like, weeks and weeks and weeks? Yeah, that fact...
Todd: ...did this list no favors. I feel like I had a lot less music to choose from somehow. I'm not even...
Todd (VO): ...sure how Billboard even managed to release a Year-End 100. Shouldn't it be like a Year-End 53?
Todd: But you know what? It is what it is. I still listen to the Top 40 stuff more than I listen to anything else. Surely, this year wasn't a total waste. Well, we'll see. This is...
- Vinz: ...that's just how I feel
Todd (VO): The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2014!
#10
Todd (VO): #10.
- Video begins...
- Ariana Grande: Tell me something I need to know
- Then take my breath and never let it go
- [Todd is entranced]
- If you just let me invade your space
- I'll take the pleasure...
Todd: I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
#10. Ariana Grande ft. The Weeknd - "Love Me Harder"[2]
- Ariana: 'Cause if you want to keep me, you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to love me harder
Todd (VO): I feel bad that I've talked so much smack about Ariana Grande's ability to be sexy because...yeah, this is doin' it for me.
Todd: Hey, I get to be gross every once in a while, all right? I don't do it that often.
- Ariana: And if in the moment I bite my lip
Todd (VO): Ariana Grande is a beautiful young woman who is singing about how you need to love her harder, and that is not a double entendre. That means a total of one thing...
Todd: ...and it's exactly the one you think it means.
- Ariana: ...you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to love me harder
Todd (VO): Yeah, not a lot of room for interpretation in this one. Yeah, this one works for me in all the ways [clip of...] that "Bang Bang" didn't—sexy where the other one was embarrassing, low and seductive where the other one was noisy and overbearing.
- Ariana: Oooh-ooh, love me, love me, love me
Todd (VO): As a matter of fact, Ariana Grande needs to do a lot more cooing and a lot less belting because restraint is a good look on her. Also, the slower tempo means she doesn't sound like she's trying to sing and brush her teeth at the same time.
Todd: I can actually understand what she's saying.
- Clip of "Break Free" (with interpreted lyrics)
- Ariana: This is the part where (This is the pot whale)
- I say I don't want ya (I say Otto on ya)
Todd (VO): This would be higher, but I did get the feeling that Ariana's still growing into adulthood, although I hope she keeps up this direction. But more importantly...
Todd: ...who the hell is this guy?
- The Weeknd: I know your motives and you know mine
- The ones that love me...
Todd (VO): Um, I'm sorry, I don't see the big deal about this guy, The Weeknd... the weakened. Just another one of those guys that are trying to be Romeo despite having a voice like a leaking balloon.
- The Weeknd: When I get you moaning, you know it's real
Todd (VO): Trying to brag about how good he is, like, I don't know if I buy it, considering the whole point of this song is that he's not doing it hard enough.
- The Weeknd: So what do I do if I can't figure it out?
- Ariana: You got to try, try, try again, yeah.
Todd: Sounds to me like The Weeknd is over much too quickly, if you follow. [Rimshot] More like The Weaknd, am I right? [Another rimshot] I'll stop.
- Ariana: 'Cause if you want to keep me
Todd (VO): Yeah, this goes back to the Ariana I like, not the Christina Aguilera wannabe that we got for most of the year. While we're talking, I need to apologize for mispronouncing Ariana Grande's name in a billion different ways.
Todd: Who knew there were so many ways to mispronounce a person's name? Yeah. Well, anyway.
- Ariana: Love me harder, harder, harder
Interlude
#9
Todd (VO): #9.
Todd: So it's 2012...
- Clip of Despicable Me
Todd (VO): ...and I'm watching a kids' movie on Netflix, and this is what I hear.
- Pharrell: I'm having a bad, bad day
- It's about time that I get my way
- Steam rollin' whatever I see
Todd: Who is that? [Promo pic of Despicable Me featuring Pharrell] Oh, no, I liked that guy.
Todd (VO): Wow, his career is over. When you've reached the Randy Newman phase of soundtracking kids' movies, you might as well pack it in, especially if you work [track listing for soundtrack, circling "My Life" by Pharrell and...] with that Robin Thicke guy. That guy's never gonna have a real hit.
Todd: And with that, I have officially reached [cash register sound] 5,000 bad predictions in a row! [Cheers from audience as Todd throws hands in the air] I could not have reached this milestone without the support of my loyal fans who have given me the courage to keep failing over and over.
- Video begins
- Pharrell: It might seem crazy what I'm 'bout to say
- [Todd dances in his chair]
- Sunshine she's here, you can take a break
Todd: Doesn't seem crazy at all. Seems pretty reasonable.
#9. Pharrell - "Happy"[3]
- Pharrell: Because I'm happy
- Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Todd: I'm happy. I'm happy, too. I wanted Pharrell to have his big comeback because, fun fact I've never shared with you guys, I...I actually went to the same high school as Pharrell.
- Clip of The Clipse - "Grindin'"
- Pharrell: The world is about to feel...
Todd (VO): Not at the same time, obviously, but he was just getting famous when I was in school, [clip of "Frontin'"] and some of my teachers would talk about having him as a student, he'd show up at homecoming games, [picture of Pharrell wearing...] he'd wear his high school jacket on TV, so...
Todd: ...me and Pharrell, we go way back. Yeah, Va Beach was all about the Neptunes. [Picture of exit sign for "Va Beach"] We call Virginia Beach "Va Beach." And at my prom, the DJ kept shouting "Star Trak what!" which is...you know, [Star Trak logo] it's the name of Pharrell's label, Star Trak, and everyone was throwing up the Star Trak sign, which is...it's the Vulcan [picture of Pharrell giving the sign] "long live and prosper." Holy cow, I never realized how dorky this song is.
Todd (VO): But you know, the song is dorky. In 2014, he decided that his trademark was gonna be a stupid hat and a hit song about being happy. Happy about what?
Todd: Nothing! Just happy.
- Pharrell: Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Todd: He wrote a song about, "if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." [Claps his hands]
Todd (VO): But while I do appreciate pretty much every retro-soul fluke hit that gets big, this one I like primarily because of Pharrell's voice.
- Pharrell: Clap along if you feel like a room...
Todd (VO): Yeah, most of these, you know, neo-soul guys that model themselves on, you know, Barry White or Marvin Gaye or a young Michael Jackson; Pharrell is going for more Smokey Robinson or Curtis Mayfield. You know, smooth, relaxed, utterly secure in its own awesomeness.
Todd: It's just a song I'm glad exists, although I'm not sure what emotion I'm supposed to project on "a room without a roof."
- Pharrell: Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Todd: Uh...I feel [picture of run-down house with the roof caved in] dreadfully incomplete, useless, and unable to deal with the weather. So yeah, I guess that describes me. [Claps and dances happily a little more]
- Pharrell: ...that's what you wanna do
- Come on
Interlude
#8
#8. Ed Sheeran - "Sing"[4]
Interlude
#7
#7. Ed Sheeran - "Don't"[5]
Interlude
#6
#6. Katy Perry - "Birthday"[6]
Interlude
#5
Interlude
#4
Interlude
#3
Interlude
#2
Interlude