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The Top Ten '90s Buses
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Date Aired
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November 11, 2022
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Running Time
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22:51
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Logo for...
Todd (VO): This video is brought to you by Curiosity Stream.
Introduction[]
Todd: When we talk about the '90s, so many trends and styles and events and media come to mind [image of The 1990s issue of "Decades of the 20th Century"] Grunge, the Clinton administration, OJ, 90210, G-Funk, the internet. But of all the things that defined the decade, I think we can all agree that the true iconic symbol of the '90s is... the bus.
Clip of Kriss Kross - "I Missed The Bus", followed by various other '90s bus clips
Todd (VO): Was there a single moment in the '90s when we were not thinking about buses?
Clip from Speed
Jack Traven (Keanu Reeves): There is a bomb on this bus.
More '90s bus clips
Todd (VO): All over the news, in our TV shows and songs and movies. It was a nonstop barrage of buses.
Clip from Seinfeld - The Muffin Tops
Kramer (Michael Richards): Hey Jerry! I'm starting a Peterman Reality bus tour!
More '90s bus clips
Todd (VO): Whenever you see a bus nowadays, everyone's like "Wow, a bus, that's so '90s!"
Clip of Outkast - "Rosa Parks"
Big Boi: Ah ha, hush that fuss
Everybody move to the back of the bus
More '90s bus clips
Todd (VO): And so, to honor the iconic vehicle of the era, I think someone should do a definitive ranking of the best buses of the decade. And it seems that duty belongs to me. With so many to choose from, I had to make some painful cuts. Some of your favorites might not make it on here, and I'm sorry. It was a stiff competition.
Todd: So get on board, everyone. Next stop is: this list. We're counting down!
Clip of "I Missed The Bus", which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown
Kriss Kross: I missed the bus, I missed the bus
Todd (VO): The Top Ten Buses of the '90s
#10[]
Todd (VO): Number 10
Clip from Spice World
Posh Spice: Fasten your seatbelts!
Todd (VO): In 1998, the short-lived but glorious pop phenomenon known as the Spice Girls reached its peak with the wonderfully inane Spice World. A thoroughly plotless and pointless romp through all things Spice.
Ginger Spice: Um, blah blah blah. Um, girl power, feminism.
But this ridiculous pop star vehicle had a star vehicle of its own...
#10. The Spicebus
Todd (VO): The Spicebus.
Nicola (Meat Loaf): Hey, that's my bus!
Decorated like Austin Powers' apartment, both outside and in, the Spicebus was also apparently three lanes wide on the inside. Big enough to accommodate Sporty's exercise space, Posh's beauty routine, and... whatever it was the other three did.
Todd: All in all, a very impressive means of transport.
Todd (VO): But the Spicebus earns its way onto this list for one...
Todd: ...magical scene.
Posh Spice: Get out of the way! Get out of the way!
Todd (VO): In the movie's grand climax, the Spice Girls have to get to the... their, there's a bomb or- I don't really remember. But the point is, they have to get across the Tower Bridge, which is being raised right at that moment.
Todd: Can they make it across!?
Posh Spice: Hold onto your knickers, girls!
The girls scream as a model of the bus jumps over a model Tower Bridge
Todd: Brilliant. Masterpiece film making.
Todd (VO): I will be shocked, shocked if any other bus on this list has a better jump scene. [clip of video about the Spicebus Airbnb] The Spicebus has since been converted into an Airbnb, and you can stay in it for $260 a night. For that reasonable price, you too can use the bus toilet that Meat Loaf refused to unclog.
Clip from Spice World
Nicola: I love these girls, and I'll do anything for 'em. But I won't do that.
Todd: To think, this movie got bad reviews. Next!
Interlude
#9[]
Todd (VO): Number 9
Clip from Space Jam
Reporter: What are you gonna do now?
Michael Jordan: Well, I've never really told anybody this except for one person, and uh... But I think I'mma go and play professional baseball.
Clips of Michael Jordan playing baseball with K7 - "Come Baby Come" playing over top
K7: Swing, batter, batter, batter
Batter, batter, swing
Todd (VO): In 1994, Michael Jordan began his brief and ill-fated attempt to play baseball, signing with the Birmingham Barons in the double A league. Now, there were many questions about this move, but one of them was: Could a jet-setting superstar adjust to the indignities of life in the minors?
Todd: The answer? Sort of.
Michael: I'm not too adjusted to royalty that I can't ride a bus. You know what I mean, uh, I don't have a problem with it. As long as it's a luxury bus.
Todd (VO): And so came...
#9. The Jordan Cruiser
...the Jordan Cruiser. A luxury charter bus provided to the team by Michael himself. [image of an ad for the bus company featuring Michael] Loaned out by the bus company free-of-charge in exchange for Michael's endorsement, [various clips of...] the Jordan Cruiser boasted 35 seats, six televisions, a VCR, and a lounge in the back. By God, when they had to travel to Carolina Mudcats games, they would get there in style.
Todd: Now, those of you who aren't enthusiasts of third-tier professional baseball might ask...
Todd (VO): "Is that it? Just some celebrity's actual bus?"
Todd: What makes this bus so much better than the many, many other iconic buses of the '90s? My answer is...
Todd (VO): Look at it! My God, have you ever seen a more '90s bus in your life? It looks like [image of a paper cup with a teal and purple design] those paper cups they used to make. It looks like the opening credits of Saved By the Bell. I don't know how teal and purple became the colors of the entire '90s.
Todd: But that is apparently what we decided.
Todd (VO): Michael autographed both sided of the bus at the end of the season and returned to basketball. The Jordan Cruiser, meanwhile, served the Barons until 2002, but its legend lives on. [clip of a AAA video] The Barons even gave away commemorative Jordan Cruiser figurines a couple years ago to loyal fans. And more than anything, the Jordan Cruiser remains a potent symbol of how there are benefits to letting celebrities do whatever stupid thing they want.
Todd: Hey Michael, I don't know if you wanna be a YouTuber. But buy me a fancy bus, you can have this entire channel. Next!
Interlude
#8[]
Todd (VO): Number 8
Clip from "Cruis'n USA"
Singer: Cruisin', yeah, cruisin' USA
Todd (VO): Oh, was any '90s arcade complete without at least one "Cruis'n USA" machine? I don't know anyone who played [image of machine for...] Daytona. Like, [back to "Cruis'n USA"] why would you when you had "Cruis'n USA", the greatest arcade racing game of all time? Lot of fun levels, great gameplay, extremely age-inappropriate bikini babes. But the best part was if you knew the secret code that could unlock the best vehicle in the entire game: The Skool Bus.
#8. Cruis'n USA Skool Bus
The Skool Bus didn't have great acceleration, and it couldn't turn for shit. But my God, you could move it just as fast as any other car in the game. And more importantly, you could move that fast while also being absolutely huge. Which means that if you ever had any physical collision with the other cars...
The Skool Bus crashes into another car and the driver screams
Todd (VO): Ha ha ha, eat it! In a game with otherwise no combat, there is no greater joy than sideswiping one of your competitors into oncoming traffic with your gigantic school bus.
Todd: And then you would lose, because the computer cheats.
Clip from "Vigilante 8"
Todd (VO): And while we're talking video games, apologies to "Vigilante 8", a Twisted Metal ripoff which had a school bus as its flagship character. [clip of commercial for "Vigilante 8"] It looks cool enough and has this badass commercial.
A wrecked school bus reverses into frame
Girl: Holy sh*t!
Clip from "Vigilante 8"
But I'd never heard of this game or know anyone who played it. [back to "Cruis'n USA"] So, the best video game bus belongs to "Cruis'n USA". [beat]
Todd: Or does it?
Interlude
#7[]
Todd (VO): Number 7
Todd: It's the most infamous unreleased video game of all time.
Clip from "Penn and Teller: Smoke and Mirrors"
Todd (VO): In 1995, magician comedians Penn and Teller were set to release their first game "Smoke and Mirrors" on the Sega CD. It never made it to stores as, shortly before its release, the developer went kaput, as did the Sega CD as a console. But its legend lives on, mostly because of one hellish minigame.
Clip of Pen and Teller showcasing the came
Penn Jillette: Desert bus!
Clip from...
That game was...
#7. Desert Bus
Todd (VO): ..."Desert Bus", designed deliberately to be one of the most unplayable games of all time. Apparently inspired by the misery of tour life, "Desert Bus" is a racing game where you have to get from Tucson to Las Vegas.
Penn: 45 miles per hour maximum.
Accomplishing this takes eight hours. The road is straight the entire way, there are no other vehicles, you can't pause. And because the bus is misaligned...
Penn: Watch that little pull to the right.
Todd (VO): You cannot let go of the wheel. It is one of the most punishingly boring experiences ever designed. [clip of a "Desert Bus" charity stream] Streamers marathon this game for charity now. And I don't care how out of shape you are, running an actual marathon has to be a better experience.
Clip from "Desert Bus"
Penn: Teller!
Now you might ask, "Shouldn't this not be on the list then? Shouldn't this be on a list of the worst buses?" But come on. This is a prank too legendary, too conceptually perfect to not get all of your respect.
Penn: Wow!
Todd (VO): The only way it could get better is if this had actually been sold to the unsuspecting public as intended. And besides, I completely get the enjoyment of deliberately wasting someone else's time. After all, I just made you watch more than a third of a list about buses of the '90s! It's not getting any more rewarding from here, folks.
Todd: All hail "Desert Bus".
Todd (VO): The greatest shit post of a video game ever made.
Interlude
#6[]
Todd (VO): Number 6
Clip from My Neighbor Totoro showing two kids being approached by...
Kids: Huh?
#6. Catbus
Todd (VO): Points docked for this one for technically being an '80s bus. But this movie didn't come out [image of wiki page for My Neighbor Totoro] in America until 1993, so I am counting it. [clip of My Neighbor Totoro] If you say you knew Catbus before the '90s, you're a liar.
Todd: There are no 40-somethings in Japan watching my videos.
Todd (VO): Anyway, Catbus, what's its deal? Hayao Miyazaki's beloved anime My Neighbor Totoro is about these magical fat rabbits called Totoros. The movie never quite explains what they are or do. Which, you know, is fine. I'm a grown man, I don't need lore spoon-fed to me. But Catbus is... an actual bus. Why? Like, I thought the Totoros were ancient spirits, so does Catbus predate human buses? Is he mimicking our buses, or do our buses copy him? Why do Totoros need a bus anyway when they can fly? Where are they going? Honestly, Catbus should probably be higher on the list since he's the one who saves the day in the movie. And he's certainly the most unique bus on this list.
Clip from "Cruis'n USA"
Most of the other buses are just... "bus" buses. [back to My Neighbor Totoro] Honestly though, Catbus kinda freaks me out. I can't imagine being inside his body, under his furry canopy, sitting on seats made of cat parts. Like, Totoros I like, I'd take a nap on a Totoro. But Catbus never loses that creepy smile and he's got way too many legs. Like, why can't it just have four legs? Or tires? Why does Catbus have to have millipede legs? Eugh!
Todd: Oh, I'm gonna get murdered by a bunch of weebs for this.
Todd (VO): Look, the movie's a masterpiece, alright? I love it, don't hurt me.
Interlude
#5[]
Todd (VO): Number 5
Clip from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Adam Whitley (Guy Pearce): I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper... Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!
Todd (VO): The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is a 1994 cult movie that was part of a wave of cinema that sought to humanize that most demeaned and stereotyped group of people, Australians. For a long time, they were thought of as only backwater croc-wrestling hicks. But this movie showed that they could also be very, very gay.
Mitzi Del Bra (Hugo Weaving): Alright, girls. Let's go shopping.
In case you don't know it, the movie's about cabaret performers travelling through the outback to catch their next show. And it was a real milestone along the path to your mom watching drag competitions on TV every week.
Todd: But forget all that, we're here to talk about...
#5. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Todd (VO): ...the bus. One of the few buses to earn the honor of being the title character. Now, naysayers may say that Priscilla was not actually that great a bus. And yes, it did certainly get broken down a couple times and stranded our heroes in the desert. But before you look down on Priscilla and her failings...
Todd: I think you should check your privilege...
Todd (VO): ...and acknowledge the rampant homophobia of the '90s. Priscilla withstood horrible hate crimes, the Australian wastelands, and altogether too much ABBA. Just to get an LGBT dance group to their next gig. And it got a fabulous makeover in the process.
The dancers lip-synch to Peaches & Herb - "Shake Your Groove Thing"
Peaches & Herb: Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing, yeah yeah
We talk about the importance of trans allyship. But as it turns out, the best allyship is actually an ally bus. Assuming Priscilla isn't trans herself. I mean, I don't know, maybe her first owners named her Roger or something. Shake your groove thing, Priscilla. You've earned it.
Peaches & Herb: A-shake it, shake it, a-do it to it, y'all
Interlude
#4[]
Todd (VO): Number 4
Clip of promo for... wait for it...
Announcer: We're on a bus with no brakes!
Todd (VO): No list of '90s buses would be complete without NFL legend...
#4. Jerome Bettis
...Jerome Bettis, one of the greatest running backs of all time.
Jerome Bettis: Wait 'til they get a load of me.
Various football clips of Jerome
Todd (VO): Nicknamed "The Bus" for his astonishing size and speed, Bettis was 250 lbs of muscle and plowed through defenses like a runaway Greyhound. Knocking over linebackers left and right in his unstoppable rush to the end zone. The Bus was named Rookie of the Year in his first season with the Rams, but he wouldn't become a true superstar until 1996, when he was traded to the Pittsburgh Steelers, where he would play for the rest of his career.
Cartoon image of "The Bus", followed by more clips of Jerome
In the 1997 season alone, The Bus carried the ball for a career high 1,665 yards. After twelve seasons in the NFL, this black and yellow Bus made his final stop in dramatic fashion with his victory in Super Bowl XL, his last game.
Hines Ward: I'm going to Disney World, and I'm taking The Bus!
Todd (VO): The Bus finished his career with 94 touchdowns, and an amazing 13,662 rushing yards. Which currently ranks as the sixth highest of all time. And in 2015, The Bus got its highest honor yet as it was enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Jerome: The Bus will always and forever run in the Pro Football Hall of Fame!
Pittsburgh sports legend Jerome Bettis. Truly one of the great...
Todd: ...'90s buses. Before we continue, I'd like to say that I love this list and making it and writing it. Next!
Interlude
#3[]
Todd (VO): Number 3
Todd: Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, these buses are all great, but they only do one thing.
Clip of the Jordan Cruiser
Todd (VO): Transport people, and/or footballs, from one place to another.
Todd: That's not the only function of a bus.
Clip of ad for VIP Party Bus
Todd (VO): Sometimes a bus is just a place to get fuckin' lit, play loud music and have a good time. Why is the party bus so unrepresented on this list? Doesn't anybody like to party?
Todd: Well, good news.
Clip of Vengaboys - "We Like To Party"
Vengaboys: We like to party, we like
Todd dances to the song
Vengaboys: We like to party, we like to party
#3. The Vengabus
Vengaboys: The Vengabus is coming, and everybody's jumping
New York to San Francisco, an intercity disco
Todd (VO): Number 3 is the Vengabus.
Todd: Number 3, number 3 is the Vengabus.
Clip of Top of the Pops performance from Vengaboys
Todd (VO): In the summer of 1998, the world was introduced to the beautiful and confusingly half-female Vengaboys. To this day, we know very little about them. But we do know that they like to party. And when they did, they did it on a miraculous vehicle they called [clip of "We Like To Party"] the Vengabus. [single cover for "We Like To Party"] The Vengabus first appeared on "We Like To Party"'s single cover. But, does that look like a Vengabus to you? No, that's just a regular bus. [back to "We Like To Party"] When the video came out in 1999, we got to see the true Vengabus in all its glory.
Vengaboys: The Vengabus is coming
Look at this thing. Just utter nonsense all around. The chassis, the paint job, I love it. That's a true '90s Eurodance bus. I can only assume they drove it everywhere. [clip of Vengaboys - "We're Going to Ibiza"] Even when they were going to Ibiza... Which is an island. And they specifically say they're going to fly there on Venga Airways. What are they travelling in in the video?
Vengaboys: (Oh) We're going to Ibiza
Todd (VO): That goddamn ugly-ass bus. [clip of ad for Six Flags] Little wonder that Six Flags tried to latch onto the Vengabus legend with its own creepy dancing old guy bus commercials.
"We Like to Party" plays as the old man dances
This is stolen valor, you are no Vengabus. And also, the Six Flags I went to sucked ass. But honestly, I can't lie, I like this horrible commercial. I can't help it, just too many good vibes by association.
Clip of Vengaboys - "We Like To Party"
Vengaboys: Happiness is just around the corner
Todd: Happiness is just around the corner!
Todd (VO): God bless you Vengabus. May you keep spreading good vibes from New York to San Francisco, an inter-city disco.
Vengaboys: So if you like to party
Get up and move your body
The Vengabus is coming
Interlude
#2[]
Todd (VO): Number 2
Clip from The Simpsons
Homer Simpson: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over 50. And if its speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called... The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down
Clip from Speed
#2. The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down
Todd (VO): Pop quiz, hotshot! What is the best Die Hard ripoff of all time? [movies posters for...] Under Siege? Under Siege 2? Die Hard 3? No, it is of course Speed, quite possibly the best action movie of the '90s.
Jack: There is a bomb on this bus.
As summer blockbusters go, Speed has a number of great performances. One of Keanu Reeves' best performances, a star-making role for Sandra Bullock, Dennis Hopper at his most Dennis Hopper-y. Jeff Daniels making an absolutely perfect face before getting blown the fuck up!
A beep is heard, then the house explodes
Todd (VO): But I think we can all agree, the star of Speed is that goddamn bus. On that fateful day in 1994, bus 2525 was hijacked and all its passengers held hostage at the whim of a mad man.
Howard Payne (Dennis Hopper): "The whim of a mad man!" Ha-ha-ha-ha, I like that!
And that bomber's horrible plot put that poor bus to its limits. Speeding through Los Angeles at over 50 miles per hour to avoid being detonated.
Howard: You know that I'm on top of you! Do not attempt to grow a brain!
Todd (VO): Now let us be clear, this is a miracle bus. Having now experienced LA traffic myself, I now know for certain that this is a stupid, stupid evil plan! Cause that bus would've been stopped and exploded immediately and Dennis Hopper would have no leverage. And yet that bus kept bussing. Right up through the scene everyone remembers.
Jack: There's a gap in the freeway. Floor it! It's an interchange, there might be an incline, floor it!
Let us be clear about this too; this scene is [arrow appears between highway segments showing a straight line] impossible. That bus should've gone straight into the ground, there is no way it makes it over that gap. Except for the fact that this is a magic goddamn bus.
Jack: Everybody hold on!
Todd (VO): Look at this, it doesn't just race up to the gap, it fucking rears up on its hind legs and jumps.
The bus makes the jump and lands on the other side
This twelve-tonne bus popped a wheelie and hit the rocket boosters to keep those men and women alive. And only succumbed to its sad end after making sure all of its charges were safe. We salute you and your sacrifice, bus 2525. May you go down in history as the greatest hero bus of all time.
Todd: [salutes]
Bus 2525 crashes into a plane and explodes
Interlude
#1[]
Todd (VO): Number 1
Todd: We have seen many buses do amazing things during the course of this list today.
Clips from Speed; The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; "Cruis'n USA"; Jerome Bettis playing football; "We Like to Party"
Todd (VO): Make miraculous leaps of faith, cross treacherous terrain, win races, score touchdowns, bring parties to the unexpecting populous.
Todd: Now these are all incredible feats.
Zoomed in picture of the door of... wait for it...
Todd (VO): But the number 1 bus is superior to all of them. Because it's the only bus that can do all of those things. And in fact, can do anything and everything. Every single thing you can imagine.
Todd: And you already know what it is. So it's time to announce it. [claps]
Todd (VO): Buckle your seatbelts, kids. [the image zooms out]
Clip of The Magic School Bus intro
Ms. Frizzle (Lily Tomlin): Seatbelts, everyone!
Arnold (Amos Crawley): Please let this be a normal field trip!
Wanda (Lisa Yamanaka): With the Friz?
Todd: No way!
#1. The Magic School Bus
Little Richard: Cruisin' on down Main Street
You're relaxed and feeling good
Todd (VO): Was there ever a better moment in class than when the teacher wheeled out the TV and declared that Ms. Frizzle was gonna be teaching today's lesson while she went and got a smoke? The Magic School Bus led us into a magical world where learning about the respiratory system was a fun adventure and not just memorizing a bunch of vocabulary words.
Ms. Frizzle: To the bus!
And that's all because of the titular character. A bus that could do literally anything. And while it only used its powers for educational purposes, I have no doubt it could do everything the other buses did. It could win races, it could break tackles, it could turn into a cat. [The Magic School Bus transforms into a frog] I mean, look at this! Can you do that, Catbus? I don't think you can.
Arnold: Oh no! Field trip...
Todd (VO): I always wondered what Arnold's problem was but... That bus and those kids on it were in mortal danger every single episode.
Ms. Frizzle: That's right, Arnold. They'll try to destroy us!
Kids: Destroy us!?
Did that ever stop Ms. Frizzle or her bus? Hell no! Magic School Bus don't care. Magic School Bus don't give a fuck!
Ms. Frizzle: Ah, the wonders of the human body.
Todd (VO): You could travel through space, time, computers, Arnold's nose, you could spank plankton, get baked into a pie. All on the Magic School Bus, the greatest bus of the '90s.
Todd: I mean, here's how you know it was magic, it had...
Todd (VO): ...seatbelts. Did your school bus have seatbelts?
Todd: Mine didn't, we were getting thrown around all over the place. [gets up and leaves]
Little Richard: Come on, ride on the Magic School Bus
Sponsor[]
Todd: [runs back to the piano] Oh. Oh, oh, oh, and... Speaking of educational content.
Clip from The Woodstock Bus
Todd (VO): If this ridiculous goof-off video I made put you in the mood to learn something more substantial on the topic. Might I suggest you watch a documentary about a bus of a different decade, the Woodstock bus. And how it became an enduring symbol of the '60s. That's the documentary The Woodstock Bus, and you can of course watch that on Curiosity Stream. Go to curiositystream.com/toddintheshadows...
Todd: ...and you will get an entire year [URL shows up on screen] for just 14 dollars and 79 cents. That's nothing. Not only is that [yellow text reading "$14.79/yr! (26% off!)" appears on screen] a 26% discount on the regular price, you will also get free access to...
Clip of ad for Curiosity Stream and...
Todd (VO): ...Nebula. A streaming video platform built by and for independent creators like Hbomberguy, Adam Neely, and myself. So you will get all the high budget, premium content you get on Curiosity Stream plus all the independent video creators on Nebula.
Todd: Once you use the code and get Curiosity Stream, you'll get a welcome email from Nebula giving you access, and you'll have access to both services.
Todd (VO): So sign up now, click the link in the description, and enjoy.
Todd: Thank you for listening, and goodnight.
Closing Tag Song: Destiny's Child ft. Timbaland - "Get On the Bus"
THE END
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