(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from The Three Musketeers)
Doug (vo): What do you get when you combine Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Chris O’Donnell, Oliver Platt, and that guy with the cool voice whose name you can never remember (Michael Wincott) in one movie? A film a lot of people barely remember. But you know what? That’s kind of a shame, because I think this is actually a pretty legitimately fun action film. It has swordfights, it has romance, it has conspiracies, it has a villain, and it’s all in that over-the-top 90s cheese that we've all grown to love. But nostalgia is one thing. Is it actually good? Well, let’s take a look at the story.
Doug (vo): Chris O’Donnell is D'Artagnan, and he’s looking to join the Musketeers, a group of people that are hired to protect the king. But the Musketeers have been disbanded by the order of the Cardinal, played by Tim Curry. Why? So he can have the newly-crowned king assassinated so that he may take the throne. There’s only three Musketeers that didn’t listen to the rules, and now they’re band as outlaws. So D'Artagnan decides to join them so that, well, let’s be honest, they can form their own boy band. Yeah, I mean, look at it now. You got the heartfelt one, the funny one, the serious one, and the emo all the girls can’t help but love because, "Oh, I just wanna hug him!".
Doug (vo): And I guess, in some ways, you can attribute that to the film’s biggest problem, that, yeah, it is pretty clichéd. And on top of that, there’s a lot of characters, and so, they try to fit a lot of stories with, well, a lot of the traditional clichés in there. But, in my opinion, they're such fun clichés, and they lead to a really fun movie. Aren't you just waiting for that moment where Chris O’Donnell is talking about love and inevitably you know Kiefer Sutherland is just gonna say, "Love? Ha! Let me tell you a story about love."
Athos: Let me tell you a story about love.
Doug (vo): Don’t you just love it when Oliver Platt is trying to create a quote that could sound similar to, "God, I love being a turtle!"?
Porthos: God, I love my work.
[Tim Curry's character, Cardinal Richelieu, is shown]
Doug (vo): And five words: Tim Curry as the villain. Oh, my God, I’m surprised there’s any scenery left behind him, he’s chewed so much. He does all the typical over-the-top Tim Curry stuff we expect Tim Curry to do. He smiles, he looks slimy, he stretches out his vowels, he screams, he yells, he raises his eyebrows. Oh, my God! It’s Tim Curry as the villain, and that should give you an idea what kind of movie this is.
[The film's action sequences are shown]
Doug (vo): But aside from that, the action’s not bad either, as well as the comedy. I think, possibly, the major problem the film falls into is, well, we've kind of seen this stuff before, and we've kind of seen this formula before. The only thing that really sets it apart again is sort of the cheese factor and its passion. But, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. On top of that, like I said, there are a lot of characters, and to the film’s credit, they try to give every single character a backstory or a love interest, and good for them. They’re not passing over everybody. But at the same time, it’s a lot to juggle and you kind of forget which tragic love story we’re in or who loved who, and, I mean, it’s not terribly confusing, but it’s still a lot. Maybe there’s a part of me that wants to like it more because I really felt like, for the time, they were giving exactly what audiences wanted to see. This is the kind of action film people liked watching. It didn't take any big risks and, yeah, it was safe and marketable. Does it make it a great action film? No. But at the same time, I think the stunts it does have and the comedy and the attention to the characters does still make it a decent flick, in that, yeah, there’s a lot to make fun of, but there’s also a lot to have fun with.
Doug (vo): If you’re looking for an action film to pass the test of time and have a lot of subtlety to it, this one probably isn't it, but if you’re looking for something that’s just kind of fun, kind of cheesy, has some good action, some good character, just a fun, little adventure as opposed to a big, grand epic, then I think this is worth checking out. Yeah, a lot of it is standard and we've seen it before, but it’s just the right amount of over-the-top, never to the point where it’s insultingly bad, but just the right amount where you’re kind of giggling but having fun with it, too. It’s seriously overlooked, and I think deserves a lot more attention. It’s all for fun, and fun for all.
[The film's final scene, showing the Musketeers doing their signature "All for one, and one for all" pose, is shown]