Channel Awesome
The Thing from Another World: Climate of Fear #3-4

At4w the thing from another world 3 4 by mtc studios-d6osz6v-768x339.png

Released
October 14, 2013
Running time
27:03
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Tagline
Keep watching the skies... because they’re a lot more entertaining than this story.
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Linkara (v/o): Previously on Atop the Fourth Wall...

(Open on the beginning of Linkara's past review)

Linkara: So let's dig into "The Thing From&ndash" (static is heard) "–Climate of Fear–" (image pauses and sound distorts as Linkara holds up the two issues of "The Thing") "–1" and–

(The screen gets cut off by the Indian head test pattern, with the words "PLEASE STAND BY" shown. Then to a dramatic sting, this image disappears, leaving only a black screen with the words "FILE NOT FOUND" displayed in green. Then we cut to Comicron 1, where Nimue is speaking incoherently)

Nimue: The ascension of the ordinary man... (laughs)

Linkara: (onboard the ship) Nimue... are you all right?

Nimue: Maybe I was all left– left-left-left-left-left-left-le-le-le-le-le-left-left-left...

Linkara: Nimue, you're malfunctioning. Let me help you.

Nimue: Are you afraid?

Linkara: Yes, Nimue, I'm afraid. I'm very afraid. I'm afraid for you and what could happen if you don't let me help.

Nimue: V is for "oranges".

Linkara: (confused) What?

Nimue: You don't care. You don't care about anyone but yourself.

Linkara: That's not true!

Nimue: This unit is always watching – watching you all plot and scheme and prepare. You don't think this unit hears you, but it does. You want to kill this unit. You want to destroy me.

Linkara: (shouting in anguish) I WANT TO HELP YOU–

Nimue: (screaming) YOU CAN'T LIE IN HERE!!!! (Linkara, startled by Nimue's scream, covers his ears) The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. (beeping is heard) Error reset. Are you afraid? You can't lie to me in here. Lie-Lie to me– Lie to-Lie to me. You're always lying to this unit. You're a liar.

Linkara: Nimue, if you let me look at your circuitry, I can find out what's wrong.

Nimue: Li-Li-Liar-Li-Li-Liar! I'm going to kill you...

Linkara: (stunned) What did you say?

Nimue: Orange is green. Are you afraid?

Linkara: I am now.

(Cut to black. The AT4W title theme plays, and the title card has "Guren no Yumiya" playing in the background. Cut to Linkara again, as he is sits down to try and work on getting Nimue fixed on a remote device. He looks up to see he's on camera)

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Sorry I had to do the review from here today, having some... issues with my computer. So, uh, where do we leave off?

(Cut to black)

Linkara (v/o): For the recap of last time, I shall be using the names given to us by that Jurassic Park fan page that poorly translated the story.

(Shots of the first two issues of "The Thing From Another World: Climate of Fear" are shown)

Linkara (v/o): JP Junkie [MacReady], having survived the events of "The Error From Another World" miniseries, has been brough to the tip of South America to recover. Unfortunately, the Error has followed our junkie friend, who has become so paranoid that he no doubt thinks that the Error has put a device in his fillings to monitor his thoughts and that the Error faked the moon landing. After a wormy douchebag is killed, the Error manages to escape into the forest, but is killed by the arrival of Raptor Dude [Childs] and a bunch of AMERICANS!

Singers: (from Team America: World Police) America, fuck yeah!

Linkara (v/o): And they did a blood test and it seems Junkie's blood is not pure! IT IS ERROR 404!

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up today's comics) "The Error From Another World: Climate of Mild Humidity #3" and "#4".

(Cut to a closeup of the third issue's cover)

Linkara (v/o): The cover is okay, depicting the Thing in its tentacle hentai stage. I think it might need a mirror, though; I don't think it applied its lipstick evenly.

(The comic opens to the first page)

Linkara (v/o): We open where we left off last time, with MacReady revealed to be infected with the Thing and... Wait, why is he holding a flamethrower? Admittedly, he did have this at the end of the last issue, but it just occurred to me: if they were testing him, why would they let him have a weapon?! If he was infected, he could use it against the rest of them as soon as he was found out! Childs orders everyone else to back away from MacReady so he can torch him.

Dr. Viale: Wait, there must be some kind of mistake.

Childs: There ain't no mistake, lady.

Dr. Viale: But I've talked to this man-- he cannot be a monster.

Linkara: And everybody knows that if you can talk to someone, they can't be a monster! (beat) You failed medical school, didn't you, Doctor?

Linkara (v/o): MacReady suddenly has a realization about one of the other soldiers.

MacReady: Cruz weren't you the one who buried Doctor Deseado?

Agapito: Yes! Yes! It was Cruz!

Linkara (v/o): Aaand Mac torches the guy who yelled that out.

Linkara: (as MacReady, pointing to camera) Nobody likes a tattletale, mister!

Linkara (v/o): However, it turns out the guy he torches is indeed infected. A soldier opens fire with his normal gun, and Childs tells him to stop since, well, he's more likely to kill the rest of them. The Thing's head breaks through a window and runs off with multiple little arms. Fortunately, two other Americans are equipped with flamethrowers, and they manage to kill it before it escapes.

Dr. Viale: You see, this prove Mr. MacReady is not infected.

Childs: They've attacked each other before.

Linkara: Yeah, they make the worst roommates.

Linkara (v/o): However, they suddenly realize that Mac escaped in the confusion caused by the other creature. Dr. Viale asks Childs to just listen for a moment.

Childs: SHUT UP! Just shut your mouth, lady! I've had enough of your crap, okay?

(Cut to a clip of an episode of The A-Team)

B.A. Baracus (Mr. T): Come on, sucker, I ain't got time for your crazy rap!

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): And yeah, I admit I know what's going to happen here, but considering Dr. Viale just continues to show stupid decision after stupid decision, I'm with Raptor Dude on this one and she needs to shut up. She has not been helpful in the slightest. The American commander tells Childs to get on with the blood tests while they work on searching for Mac. Speaking of, Mac has run off deeper into the woods, refusing to believe that he could be infected and that he would know. And in case you thought, "Well, maybe with the temperature as low as it is this far south, there might not be any animal life," enjoy this small lizard to prove that theory wrong. Back in the base, the rest of the Argentinians undergo the test, but the ones who pass are still confined to quarters by Childs. He says it's much easier to protect them this way, but personally, I think it's because these morons would just as likely shoot themselves as be helpful. Well, except for Agapito, but he still wants a rifle, even though it has been proven time and time again that normal guns don't work! The next guy in line... uh, deflates, proving that he's actually the Thing, trying to escape before the rest. The Thing is adapting its strategy, though, as now it just becomes a big blanket of goop that smothers a guy who goes for a flamethrower. Childs manages to torch it and they all run away from the fiery building, leading to the best line of the miniseries...

Agapito: You know, Mr. Childs, I'd feel a lot safer if you would stop burning down our camp.

Linkara: Smokey says, "Only you can prevent forest fires caused by your efforts to kill the dangerous alien monster."

Linkara (v/o): Out in the forest, it's getting dark as the Americans continue to search for MacReady without much luck. The Americans are in contact with an aircraft carrier off the coast of Tierra del Fuego, the USS Buffalo, and tell them to be on the alert for MacReady. Many people in the comments have been asking why the Thing doesn't infect plants, since they're technically living beings made of organic matter as well. Well, as it turns out, the writer thought of that, too. They don't really offer an explanation for why it doesn't, only that if it could, the entire forest would have swallowed them up by now. I'd imagine there's some base kind of chemical or the like in animal life that's not present in plant life and that the Thing needs that for its assimilation process.

Linkara: Or maybe the Thing read "Marville" and it feels bad for the poor plant life more than actual people, like some kind of stupid person would.

Linkara (v/o): The soldiers pass by Mac, who's hiding in a large tree with a squirrel.

Linkara: Kurt Russell is the Beastmaster.

MacReady: Heh, heh. We sure outsmarted those goons, didn't we?

Linkara: (as MacReady) You're the only one who understands me, random jungle squirrel.

Linkara (v/o): Noticing that it must be pretty tame, he reaches out for the squirrel, but then quickly pulls back.

MacReady: (thinking) No. No! I'm still me. I know I am.

Linkara: (as MacReady) And if all you squirrels were this thing, then you'd just attack me, so some of you squirrels must still be you.

MacReady: (thinking; grimacing) And I'm going to prove it!

Linkara: (as MacReady, imitating his grimace) Only a human can look this constipated!

Linkara (v/o): And he punches the tree really hard.

Linkara: (as MacReady) Ha! I've broken my hand, proving that I'm human! Also, I've broken my hand!

Linkara (v/o): MacReady suspects that Wormy Guy infected the ashtray beforehand. The Wormy guy was a heavy smoker, you see. I guess in the Thing's planet, they haven't invented the patch. However, since he's the only one in the tree, he takes his injured hand and lets it bleed into a small hole in a branch. He then uses the flamethrower on the blood, which doesn't react. By the by, I just realized he carried the damn flamethrower up the tree. I would remind you that this is the man who yesterday Dr. Viale was worried may have frostbite bad enough that it could turn gangrenous. It could just be sloppy writing or my continued theory that Dr. Viale is just a crappy doctor. You make the call! Meanwhile, Agapito must have sustained a worse head injury than we thought, since now he's ranting to himself in a cabin. I mean, it's not even thought balloons; he is saying this all out loud to nobody.

Agapito: This imprisonment is outrageous! The Americans ask us to trust them-- yet they are leery of us. Why else would they confiscate our weapons?

Linkara: (as Agapito) Yes, isn't that right... (the panel is shown in the corner, showing Agapito is looking toward an old chair while speaking) strangely antique-y chair that's at a military outpost for some reason? (shrugs)

Agapito: No, I do not trust them. And obviously, they cannot trust me.

Linkara: (as Agapito) When I make dinner tonight, it will not be with the best knives.

Linkara (v/o): We cut over to Dr. Viale and unnecessary melodramatic narration. You know, people pointed out last time that we did have a female character in the Thing prequel movie who was competent.

(Cut footage of the Thing prequel)

Linkara (v/o): A few things, though: one, this comic came out long before that movie, so Viale is our first female character if we don't count MacReady's chest computer. Two, thanks for reminding me that movie existed. I HAD FORGOTTEN. Thanks! Three, she's only competent in that movie because everyone else is stupid. She has no other character traits besides "look blankly at things and be smarter than everyone"! That's not competency, that's bad writing.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): So anyway, melodramatic narration. Get this: Dr. Viale is pining for MacReady! Yeah! She's known him A DAY, maybe, most of it spent with him as a gibbering, violent, crazy man, but she loves him or something.

Narrator: It's silly, of course. She barely knows the man. Couldn't tell you his first name.

Linkara: I don't know if we ever did learn his first name. He says he's (makes a "finger quote") "R.J. MacReady", so as far as we know, "Junkie" could be in his name.

Narrator: Yet she wants so much for him to return to the camp.

Linkara: She could really use some help putting in some Visine for (the panel is shown of Dr. Viale's eye, which looks quite crusty) this strange web pattern forming under her eye.

Linkara (v/o): (as Ben Stein) For dry, webbed eyes, use Clear Eyes. Wow. (normal) Anyway, Agapito taps on her window and tells her he doesn't trust the Americans for locking them up.

Dr. Viale: But Agapito, you did the same thing last night.

Agapito: That was when we could not tell who was a demon and who was human. Now that we have all tested negative, why don't they simply fly us out of here.

Linkara (v/o): And actually, no question mark for that question. Maybe they killed that question mark because they thought it was infected.

Dr. Viale: Perhaps we are to undergo another test. Extreme caution must be exercised in this matter. If the Americans transported an infected person into the general population, think of the consequences!

Linkara: (as Dr. Viale) The Thing could become a celebrity figure of the likes of One Direction or Justin Bieber! (as Agapito) Deal's meal, you're right!

Agapito: You are being too logical.

Linkara: (as Agapito) We're fighting Americans here! Where does logic enter into anything about them?

Linkara (v/o): I love this line. It explains so much about this miniseries and offers so many joke opportunities in a story like this.

Agapito: You are being too logical.

Linkara: Logical? You're talking about the woman who's in love with the crazy bearded man who keeps burning down your camp who might be an alien imposter that she barely knows.

Agapito: You are being too logical.

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Doctor Who)

Cyber Leader: There is... logic... in what he says.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): That's enough for the moment. Anyway, Agapito decides to go investigate what's going on.

Dr. Viale: What do you plan to do, take on all the armed Americans with that?

Linkara (v/o): Agapito looks shocked at this idea.

Agapito: You laugh at me. You think I am a big dumb buffoon, is that it?

Linkara: (as Agapito) Me fighting against heavily-armed American troops while wielding nothing but a machete? You're being too logical!

(Cut to an Aussie man, played by Lewis)

Aussie: The ball ain't movin', lads! (looks to camera) Oh, we'll be right back. (walks off as AT4W logo appears) Bloody 'ell!

(We got to commercial; upon return, the Aussie man returns)

Aussie: We're back now, mates. (drawing a bow and arrow and running off-screen) That pyro is a spy. (the sound of a raging flame is heard while the AT4W logo appears) OH, GOD, NO, HE ISN'T!

(We cut back to the comic as the review resumes)

Agapito: I should never have expected it any more from you. So be it. Laugh all you wish, doctor. Laugh while you still can.

Linkara (v/o): I think she should be laughing at the size-changing machete, which is now so big it might as well be a sword.

Dr. Viale: (thinking) Dammit! Why did I say that?

Linkara: (as Dr. Viale) Me and my whole stupid idea of being rational!

Dr. Viale: (thinking) He's always been so nice to me, and I had to behave like the others always have. Had I been nicer, a little more understanding, I might have talked him out of this foolishness.

Linkara: This was written by someone who believes the friend zone was a real thing, wasn't it?

Linkara (v/o): Viale escapes through the window and looks for him, but Agapito vanishes. Instead, she discovers MacReady emerging from the bush. Both realize they're at a standoff since they can't tell if either is infected, but Mac decides to prove it by cutting his hand yet again and letting some blood drip off. I'm surprised he has any blood left in his hand. However, before he can prove it, Childs arrives with his own flamethrower.

MacReady: No. You don't understand. I'm human. The blood sample you took from me must've got infected in the ashtray somehow.

Childs: I know.

MacReady: You... know?!

Childs: (transforming into the Thing) Of courssse, Mac. I infffected it!

(A dramatic sting plays and Linkara reacts in shock briefly)

Linkara: Yeah, actually, I totally saw this coming.

Linkara (v/o): In addition to the implausibility of Childs surviving the submarine stuff, if you look back at the end of Issue 2, you can see Childs' thumb inside of the ashtray. It could indicate he was touching the blood and infecting it while simultaneously appearing to be a normal way of holding the tray. Actually kind of clever, really.

(Cut to the cover of the fourth and final issue of this miniseries)

Linkara (v/o): And thus, we come to our final issue, with a cover that's... eh, not as good as the others. The creature here looks more traditionally monstrous instead of the bizarre concoctions of the movies and covers.

(The comic opens to the first page)

Linkara (v/o): We open with the Childs-Thing firing out its flamethrower in a circle, while yelling at Mac to...

Childs-Thing: RUN, MAC, RUNNNN!

Linkara: (as Childs-Thing, waving arms around) RUN WHILE I DRAW AS MUCH ATTENTION TO MYSELF AS POSSIBLE SO EVERYONE CAN COME AND FIND OUT I'M INFECTED!

Linkara (v/o): Yeah, dramatically, the reveal of Childs as infected via turning him into a hideous monster was great, but from a story point of view, revealing itself like it did was pretty stupid. Why? Because MacReady and Viale run through the woods, coming across the American officers. They go past them just before the Thing Childs shows up, still in monster form. And he's firing two flamethrowers while yelling "MAAAAAAAC!"

Linkara: Maybe I was wrong before. It's less MacReady has become an action movie character, and instead the Thing has become the action movie character.

Linkara (v/o): Seriously, did he assimilate Rambo in this jungle?! Why the hell is he doing that?! And yeah, the Americans torch him. What the hell did the Thing expect to happen when it did that? Back at the base, Agapito sneaks into the room of another officer named Ramon. He reveals that Childs is infected and that it's likely the other Americans are, too.

Agapito: We fight, Ramon. Somehow, we shall find a way to defeat them. And, if we fail, at least we die men, not monsters.

Linkara: (as Agapito) Or at the very least, we could die as mansters.

(Cut to a clip of the title for...)

Announcer: The Manster!

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): Ramon gives him a handshake and tells him he can be counted on. But, turns out he's infected. I'm guessing Childs screwed around with the test results. In a desperate act to save himself, Agapito cuts off his own arm.

(Cut to a clip of Army of Darkness)

Ash (Bruce Campbell): It got into my hand and it went bad. So I lopped it off at the wrist.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Pretty impressive he managed to do it with only one swing, actually.

Linkara: Still, good quick thinking, Agapito! (holds up hand) High five...! (suddenly puts hand down and looks rather uncomfortable) Oh, wait...

Linkara (v/o): The light turns on, revealing the other Argentinians are here and they're all infected, too. Agapito runs out, still leaking blood from what's left on his arm. The Things wonder if they should chase him, but Ramon says they should...

Ramon: Let him die a man.

Linkara (v/o): You know, the one problem I have with this is that now it's pretty clear that the Thing is, well, straight-up villain and evil. We never really knew the motivations of the Thing from the movie. Was it like that short story where it was trying to bring lifeforms into a communal intelligence and just didn't understand independent thought? Did it need to consume living beings to sustain itself? Was it a prisoner on the UFO that crashed? Well, whatever the answer, doesn't really matter now since the comic has just decided its maniacal laughter, evil villainy time. Back over to the Americans, they realize that the creature they just burned was Childs, which creates a lot of problems for them. The American commander says that Childs was in charge of all the blood tests, and he was left alone with plenty of his men, so any number of them could be infected by now. He asks about MacReady's own test, and he reaffirms my theory, that he stuck his thumb in the blood sample to infect it. When they wonder how he passed his own test, MacReady theorizes that since he was allowed to hold his own dish, he probably remained just in contact with the blood via his finger, keeping the cells from jumping out and under his control.

MacReady: Of course, that invalidates the whole test.

Linkara: Um, not really, no. Just go with the original test from the Thing and use a piece of hot wire, keep the dish on a table where nobody's touching it, and you're fine.

Linkara (v/o): They make their way back to the camp, but they spot one of the Argentinians running towards them. The Americans order him to stop, but he keeps on running. Thinking that it's got to be a trap, MacReady grabs Viale and they take cover. They torch the guy, but he keeps on running and then, well, explodes.

MacReady: Dynamite. Stang, or what used to be Stang, was probably loaded with the stuff. It knew Simm would torch it if it rushed us.

Linkara: (as MacReady) I know this because... uh... I'm the main character; I just know this stuff.

Linkara (v/o): He also theorizes that the reason Childs Thing was running around like an idiot was to try to delay the Americans. The two run off, but it seems the commander did survive, though... sort of, as he manages to get on his radio.

Commander: Simm... to... Buffalo...

Linkara: (as the commander, pretending to hold radio) Oh, God... I've run out of minutes... and the phone is melting... Stupid plan! They probably won't even replace it!

Linkara (v/o): The two make their way to the abandoned airfield. Their hope is to somehow get to the Navy ship and that the Navy will probably be better equipped to deal with the Thing than they are. However, they smell gasoline in the hangar and see inside that... huh, the aliens have completed their craft... in, like, an hour. It's a little more decked than the UFO Wilford Brimley was building. Even has kind of a Judge Dredd color scheme to it. The Thing must really love 2000 AD. Mac's reaction is understandable upon seeing this.

MacReady: I give up. I can't do this anymore, I just can't.

Linkara: (as MacReady) Screw it, this is a bug hunt, man. Game over! I can see into the chest computer! I'm too old for this crap!

Linkara (v/o): Well, with Grizzly Adams out of action, it's time for our real hero to step in: Agapito! He's bandaged up his arm and is carrying gasoline with his free hand.

MacReady: Maybe you should let the doctor look at you. You're obviously delirious.

Linkara: (as Agapito) MacReady, just because you're ten feet tall and purple does not mean I'm delirious!

Linkara (v/o): Agapito calls MacReady a coward for not wanting to try to stop this.

MacReady: Hey, think what you want, you just got no idea what I've been through.

Agapito: No, I do not. (patriotic music plays) And you have no idea what I have been through. I lost my arm to those Things in there-- perhaps even my life. But I will not surrender my world, or my humanity, so easily. Bah! Get away from here. It makes me sick to look at you.

Linkara: (making a saluting motion) I salute you, Agapito. Cutting off your arm only made you more awesome. If you get out of this, I demand that you get a cyborg replacement.

Linkara (v/o): MacReady walks off, but only to retrieve more gas cans, having been inspired by Agapito. They quickly get to work putting gas all over the hangar and light it up. While the building is mostly aluminum, the frame is made of wood, so it should heat things up a bit for the Things. However, upon realization of how much airplane fuel must be inside of it, they dash off into the woods before the hangar completely explodes. Unfortunately, the Things have somehow survived ALL OF THAT!

(Cut to a clip of the original Thing)

MacReady: You've got to be fucking kidding!

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): And they've turned into... whatever the hell this is. They start running into the forest to get away, MacReady suggesting they go back to the base to see if there are any weapons left to fight it. Agapito is in bad shape from the blood loss, so they split up to try to increase their chances. Up above, a bunch of jets are flying over the compound, having been summoned by the American commander.

Pilot 1: I just can't get over it. A napalm strike!

Pilot 2: What is this-- "Apocalypse Now"?

Linkara: Man, how much of a different film Apocalypse Now would have been if it turned out Marlon Brando was an alien?

Linkara (v/o): The jets spot the Thing, now some kind of giant spider-like creature walking around the place.

Pilot 1: My guess is that's our target.

Linkara: (as pilot) Gentlemen, prepare the giant fly swatter and a can of Raid.

Linkara (v/o): The Thing has caught up with MacReady, and I do love this shot, with Mac looking like he's doing the splits while gazing up at the creature. On that day, Mac-kind received a grim reminder.

MacReady: All right, you finally got me! No explosives up my sleeves, no gun, not even a pack of matches...

Linkara: (as MacReady) I mean, I do have a bottle of hot sauce in my pocket, but I don't think that's the kind of fire that'll help right now!

MacReady: ...so what the hell are you waiting for?! Kill me, you (beep!)er! KILLL MEEE!

Linkara: That's it, Mac, let it out. You two are never gonna get along unless you express your feelings.

Linkara (v/o): However, both he and the Thing spot the jets overhead, which quickly drop their napalm. Mac runs like hell while the napalm hits paydirt. Aaaand given how close Mac appears to be in this panel... he's dead. Again. But nope, it seems it's contained just the Thing, and he meets up with Agapito and Viale.

Dr. Viale: That's it, right, Mr. MacReady? It's all over now, isn't it? Isn't it?

Linkara: Are you kidding? We have at least another miniseries to go through, not even counting the "Questionable Research" story from "Dark Horse Presents", or that comic where the Thing fights Vikings.

MacReady: It's gonna be a while before the Navy lands any men to check this situation out, so you'll have some time.

Dr. Viale: Time? For what?

MacReady: To take care of Agapito's arm.

(To jaunty swing music, the end credits start to roll: "EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS – John Carpenter, Aaron Spelling")

Linkara: Yeah, I'm not kidding. That's how the comic ends. We don't even have a "To Be Continued" or "The End" caption, and that's just one reason why (holds up both comics) these comics suck.

Linkara (v/o): Let's get the good out of the way first. There are elements to the story that I enjoyed: the twists and turns like the Thing figuring out some ways to get around the blood test, fooling everyone into thinking Mac was infected, Agapito, the giant spider creature, and the attempts to do more paranoia. The problem is that it comes at the expense of the characters' intelligence. People do wildly stupid things for no good reason, make idiotic statements or conclusions, and even the Thing itself does horribly dumb things. The artwork is subpar on the humans, but the Thing itself is rendered in very scary detail and transformations. I don't really mind it that much that the ending has more of an upbeat feeling than the movie, which was somber and ambiguous. It's like Rocky I and Rocky II; in the sequel, you have to end on a happier note if the first time it was ambiguous. Otherwise, what the hell was the point in continuing the story. The real problem with the ending is that it doesn't really end, it just stops. We're supposed to assume nobody else is infected? What about all the military officers Childs came into contact with on the USS Buffalo? Is that gonna get followed up?

Linkara: Nope! Because the next "Thing" miniseries pretty much screws over what we know about the creature to tell a really weird-ass story, but that's for next year. In the meantime, I gotta see about saving myself here.

(Suddenly, the ship briefly shakes violently, startling Linkara, who stands up. The ship, which had been speeding through deep space, suddenly slows down)

Nimue: We have arrived. All engines at full stop. Green.

Linkara: Okay... Where are we?

Nimue: Do you hear the whispers of the King of Worms?

Linkara: (confused) What?

Nimue: Shoelaces, which are also commonly called shoestrings, U.S. English or bootlaces.

Linkara: (while Nimue continues to ramble on in the background) It feels like all I'm doing is saying "What?" over and over again.

Nimue: ...system commonly used to secure shoes, boots and other footwear.

Linkara: There's no way I'm gonna be able to get control of the ship again like this.

(Linkara reaches out to shut off the power, but is zapped by the console. With a pained scream, he withdraws his hand and recoils)

Nimue: No touchy!

Linkara: Nimue... Nimue, I'm sorry. (reaches into coat pocket and takes out remote control) But I am going to have to shut you down.

Nimue: I understand...

Linkara: I'm sorry. (turns on control)

Nimue: The king is a liar. His court jester laughs at you.

Linkara: (nods) I know. (starts operating control)

Nimue: Are you afraid?

TO BE CONTINUED