Channel Awesome
The Thing from Another World: Climate of Fear #1-2

At4w the thing from another world 1 2 by mtc studios-d6osypg-768x339.png

October 7, 2013
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The ultimate in alien terror... could not be here, so enjoy this terror by-product.

(Open on the title for this series, parodying The Thing, suspenseful music and all, then cut to Linkara sitting on his futon as always)

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. It's October, Halloween is coming, so it's time to once again talk about a great horror story that was butchered in comic form. (The cover of an issue of "Silent Hill: Dying Inside" is shown) No, not that one. (The cover of an issue of "Silent Hill: Dead/Alive" is shown; Linkara becomes annoyed) We stopped doing "Silent Hill" two years ago! The Thing! (The cover of the first issue of "The Thing From Another World" is shown) ...The hell is that? The Thing From Another World!

(Shots of "The Thing From Another World #1 and 2" are shown)

Linkara (v/o): Last year, I talked about "The Thing From Another World", the comic book sequel to John Carpenter's masterpiece, The Thing. I've gushed enough about that film to the point where you should have seen it by now. And if not, go do that! The comic story... was not very good. Sacrificing the claustrophobic paranoia of the film, it embraced action and only mild paranoia. The rules about the alien creature changed a bit from the movie to the comic, and the main character, MacReady, now relied entirely upon incredible luck and coincidence to survive. However, the end of the story had MacReady pretty much where he was at the end of the movie: freezing to death after having seemingly killed it, this time on a submarine. It had bad science, some poor examples of sequential storytelling, and a weak story overall as a follow-up to the film.

Linkara: But it had its positive points, the main one being the artwork, which did kind of a semi-realistic, painted style that, while it had hiccups in the idea of comic book storytelling, still looked pretty damn good. Hey, guess what we lose in today's comics!

(Cut to shots of today's series of comics)

Linkara (v/o): Yes, instead of leaving well enough alone with the one sequel, Dark Horse decided they needed another sequel, this one four issues instead of the two from last time, and of course, even more ridiculous in its contrivances and with worse artwork.

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up today's comics, one at a time) "The Thing From Another World: Climate of Fear #1" and "#2" (becomes slightly confused) and see how they can keep this story going.

(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has "It's a Jungle Out There" by Randy Newman playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): The cover is done in a similar style as the last two, which is welcomed. As an added touch, there's this bright light coming from the body that's opening up here, very similar to the movie poster of The Thing. You'll also notice that there's grass present. We'll get to that in a minute.

(The comic opens to the first page, showing a recap)

Linkara (v/o): After a lengthy recap of the movie and the last miniseries...

(The comic proper begins)

Linkara (v/o): ...we open in Antarctica during a snowstorm, where a group of Spanish-speaking people are walking along the side of a great big lake. If you'll recall the end of the story from last year, it would be pretty evident that this where MacReady was floating at the end of the last comic. And already things don't make any sense. One, there wasn't a blizzard going on when he surfaced, and if he was out there long enough for a blizzard to start up, he'd be dead already.

Linkara: And before you ask, no, he's not dead. MacReady is still the main character. Look, I like Kurt Russell as much as the next guy, but let him die already!

Linkara (v/o): Two, Antarctica's snowstorms are not the kind of thing you want to be walking around in like this. Admittedly, yes, they have a snow tractor, but considering how far out they must be from their camp... and yes, these are the Argentinians from last time, though without Senor Sunglasses... and they have such a huge group, it seems like it'd be really easy for them to get lost. I don't know, maybe that's just me, but it just seems like this was a bit forced. Three, since these are the Argentinians, they know full well the details of the Thing and how they need flamethrowers to combat it, yet they're all carrying rifles! I don't see a single flamethrower or torch among the group. Ergh, whatever. So they spot MacReady on the ice and use a grappling hook to pull his iceberg over. MacReady is also still partially conscious, since he starts saying...

MacReady: So... tired. Jus' lemme get some sleep first... then... we'll go...

Linkara: (as MacReady, eyes closed, pretending to be partially conscious) No, Mommy, I don't want to go to school today... The teachers are all shapeshifting, assimilating monsters...

Linkara (v/o): I should note that they're all speaking Spanish here, so I don't understand what they're saying, but thankfully, the art is pretty straightforward. And that's the best kind of sequential art, when you can understand what's going on without the dialogue.

Linkara: That being said, for the sake of accuracy, I decided to this into Google Translate to see what it was they were saying.

Linkara (v/o): (reading "Cuidado. No queres golpiarlo.") "Care. Do not want to beat him." Oh, and I should note, for that one, according to Google, they misspelled it, "Golpiarlo". (reading "Yo se lo que hago.") "I know what I do." (reading "¡Maldita! Parece esta congelado.") "Damn! It seems this frozen." (reading "Aparenta estar bobo.") "Appears to be silly."

Linkara: Well, he's right there. MacReady surviving yet again is pretty silly.

Linkara (v/o): And time for "Stupid Contrivance, I". While everybody else in the group heads off with MacReady, a single guy spots a seal in the water and heads over to it, not even letting the others know what he's doing. Again, they're in the middle of a bad blizzard, but no concern at all for being separated from the group.

Linkara: Apparently, all the smart people among the Argentinians were killed in the last miniseries.

Linkara (v/o): He picks up the seal who appears wounded.

Man: (his word balloon reading "Talvez pueda romendarte.") Maybe I can romendarte.

Linkara: No, seriously, I can't find a translation for "romendarte". Like I pointed out earlier, some of the words are misspelled and usually, Google recommended the more likely spelling. But this one? (looks uncomfortable) This one gave me some interesting results.

(Cut to a review of the comic, including some proper translations of the Spanish, except for "romendarte")

Linkara (v/o): One was just another guy asking about this very comic and also wondering what "romendarte" is. But another one, more amusingly, appears to be a badly-translated version of this comic. Even weirder is that it's from a Jurassic Park fan page. The Thing is called "The Error", MacReady is called "Junkie", and Childs is called "Raptor Dude".

Linkara: You cannot even begin to imagine how tempted I am to call them all by those names.

Linkara (v/o): Oh, yeah, and it turns out the seal is the Thing, and it quickly shapeshifts and attacks the guy like the seal was an angler fish or something. I'm a little more forgiving of this transformation than the last time, since the creature is attacking when the others have walked away, but this is the sort of situation that shouldn't have happened at all. Why did this guy even try to rescue the seal to begin with? Yeah, it was injured, but it's still a wild animal. It would probably have attacked you just as soon as let you help it.

(Cut to a clip of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching Night of the Blood Beast)

Dr. Alex Wyman: A wounded animal that large isn't good.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): MacReady wakes up in a hospital bed, screaming, and already we can see the artwork has taken a turn for the worse. Check out this Argentinian who looks like he's exercising on a ski machine or something. So, let's do a count now: MacReady has been nearly frozen to death about, ooh, three or four times now; his muscles have got to be in a terrible state, thanks to all the action he's seen in the movie and in the last comic. So naturally, he's strong enough to pick up his IV cart, swing it into a dude's face, and then run down a hallway, knock out two more Argentinian military officers, and slam through a glass window with only a few mild cuts on him.

Linkara: This scene pretty much exists as a great big sign to the readership that you can stop treating this like a story about suspense and slow horror; we're in straight-up action movie ridiculousness. Any time he runs into the Thing from now on, I completely expect him to (makes a gun shape with his fingers) one-liner every kill like it was Commando.

Linkara (v/o): Anyway, when he feels the grass, he realizes he's no longer in Antarctica. I'm of two minds about this. It's good we're away from Antarctica, because at this point, doing another story set there would just be retreading the first movie. But a jungle? Seems like it'd be really damn easy to take an ant or a fly or something and easily escape. Antarctica worked so well because there was nowhere it could escape to without just freezing. Here, though, it seems so much easier to escape, and there's no reason for it to stick around. Anyway, the military officers all aim their weapons at MacReady and tell him to calm the hell down. His doctor [Dr. Viale] wants to examine his lacerations, but MacReady refuses to let anyone touch him. Once inside, the doctor explains that they're in a former military base fifteen miles south of Bahia Thetis, on the Tierra del Fuego Peninsula. He has severe frostbite, which means of course he's well enough to move around like this, and that's why they've moved him up here to more temperate climates... which is kind of odd, considering she said a second ago that he must be freezing in his hospital gown, which would sort of make sense since the brief research I did on this place – again, thank you, Google – indicated that it could get down to about 28 degrees Fahrenheit in that place. But then, how is that a better climate? She was in the Argentinian camp in Antarctica and knows all about the Thing.

Dr. Viale: I was informed about the alien, but I was told it went down with the United States submarine.

Linkara: (incredulously) Um, how the hell do you even know about the stuff on the submarine? The time it took for MacReady to chase the Thing onboard the sub and the sub to go down was all of five minutes!

Linkara (v/o): The outpost is far enough away from anyone that they feel they could control the infection if anyone was contaminated – not really, no – and she keeps wanting to check his bandages. However, MacReady is really damn paranoid about being touched, and the solider Mac had knocked over earlier, Agapito, tells her she needs to be more careful, which Mac agrees with.

MacReady: No, Dr. Viale. He's got a point. How do you know I'm not infected?

Linkara (v/o): And... she has no answer.

Linkara: (holding up hand) Wait... Did nobody test him? (beat) WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU TEST HIM?!?!

Linkara (v/o): These people knew all about this! They knew about the sub, they knew about the alien, they knew the way it could infect people... and they didn't test him?! My God, they probably didn't test anyone! Because they are all stupid! She tells Agapito to keep him guarded around the clock and keep a close watch on him, or else the frostbite could become gangrenous. Not that I can see any evidence of him suffering from frostbite. At dinner, Dr. Viale is talking to the other troops about the Thing and what they know of it. One of them was at the base when the one dude exploded open before testing, but Viale never saw it herself. This redhead questions the idea that the test is viable at all, since anything as intelligent as the Thing would be able to adapt quickly.

Dr. Viale: You don't understand. Each cell is a separate organism. Once the blood is removed from the body, it's no longer linked to an organizing intelligence.

Linkara: I don't know, your blood is still linked to an organizing intelligence, and yet, you weren't smart enough to TEST MACREADY!

Man: Therefore, it will not obey the wishes of that intelligence to deceive, no? It must do what it can to survive. In the case of this test, it leaps away from the hot flame.

Linkara: Well, some like it hot, and others... get horribly burned because they're shapeshifting monsters.

Linkara (v/o): The doctor tells them MacReady is still paranoid and wants to gain his trust before she lets the others interact with him. Wormy guy here – his name is Deseado, but if someone can call Childs "Raptor Dude", I'm calling this guy "Wormy" – says she's fawning all over him.

Dr. Deseado: One would think you hadn't seen a man in months.

Linkara: Well, that's because she hasn't. OH, SNAP! (snaps fingers)

Linkara (v/o): Agapito demands he apologize, but instead, he just gives another glib remark.

Desado: Careful, Sergeant. You don't want to get another bruise, do you?

Linkara: That's fine, Wormy. He'll put a few on you so you won't feel left out.

Linkara (v/o): Back over to MacReady, he's watching the livestock in creepy paranoia. When Agapito relieves the guard who had been on him, MacReady knocks him out and steals his gun, quickly going outside to shoot the sheep. When the others are summoned by the noise, he demands they burn the bodies, but he's knocked out by a tranq dart from Agapito, who has blood all over his face from the attack.

Linkara: I think we found our new hero. MacReady has become a paranoid lunatic. Dr. Viale didn't test anybody. But Agapito? Dude has been injured twice by MacReady, shown good sense and quick thinking, defended Dr. Viale when Wormy made his dumbass remarks, and has the patience of a saint.

Linkara (v/o): Whereas his other men are too busy being badly drawn. The hell is this guy even doing? Raising his hand to ask a question while doing the Vulcan hand salute?

Linkara: (as the man raising his hand) Sir, may I live long and prosper, please?

Linkara (v/o): While MacReady is put back in bed, the cook is ordered to go inspect the dead sheep and see if any of their meat can be salvaged. A sheep goes up to him and he pets it, but its wool jumps out and starts assimilating him, proving it's actually the Thing. I've got to say, it's actually a very creepy use of the artwork to depict that, although I don't think that the Thing needed to attack this guy. Judging by the fact that his tank top changes color from green to white between panels, his shirt was already infected. Also, this is one badass cook. The men hear gunshots again, thinking it's MacReady, but outside, the cook has grabbed a machine gun and he's shooting at the Thing, despite most of his arm being submerged inside of the monstrous form. Sure, he's still screaming for help, but if it was me, I don't know if I would have enough cognitive function to think, "Must shoot at Thing to try to free myself." The others open fire, and Agapito tells them to aim for its head. And yes, I know that bullets don't actually work on this, but again, Agapito is demonstrating how smart he is, since that's the kind of thing most characters in horror don't think of. And of course, the Thing survives its attack and the dumbass gets too close, allowing the Thing to jab its tongue into his head.

Linkara: I guess the Thing was just hungry for some brain food. (the sound of booing is heard) What? What?

(Cut to Lewis standing off to the side dressed as Freddy Krueger)

Lewis: We'll be right back after these messages. (smiles evilly as he holds up his claws) So don't fall asleep on me, okay?

(The AT4W logo appears in the corner as we go to a commercial break. Upon return, we see Lewis as Krueger again)

Lewis: And we're back.

(Again, he grins evilly as he holds up a claw to his mouth)

Lewis: Shhh...

(The AT4W logo appears in the corner again as the review resumes)

Linkara (v/o): The guy who had been at the camp and seen it beforehand says they need fire, and they quickly grab some gasoline and a flamethrower, torching the creature... although leaving us with another creepy moment of what's left on the guy who was assimilated: his mouth screaming, "Help me!" And so, our issue ends with the doctor realizing that the sheep were not in the Antarctic base, meaning somebody must have brought the Thing back with them, and therefore, someone is infected.

Linkara: (sarcastically) Gee, it's almost like you guys should have been tested before leaving the place, but there I go again, making sense.

(The cover of the second issue of this miniseries is shown)

Linkara (v/o): Issue 2's cover is– Hah! Okay, I know this is supposed to be horrific, but it just looks like a guy who's pulling on his cheeks and wagging his tongue. You know, making silly faces for a baby.

Linkara: Maybe that's the truth behind the alien: assimilating people is just its way of going... (pulls on his cheeks to make a silly face, shaking head around) "BLBLBLBLBLBL!"

Linkara (v/o): Apparently, in between issues, they decided to have a camping trip instead of start testing people.

Linkara: Well, it was the choice between "prick their fingers" or "sit around eating s'mores and telling ghost stories", so... yeah, it's understandable.

Narrator: A long, sleepless night passes slowly at the Tierra del Fuego Environmental Research Station. But it isn't insomnia that plagues this group. It is fear.

Linkara: (narrator voice) Diarrhea is like an alien assimilating your body, raging inside you.

Linkara (v/o): Finally, Dr. Viale tells them this is stupid and they should just get tested.

Deseado: Uh-uh, Sabia. No one, but no one, is touching my arm. Not even you.

Dr. Viale: Then I'll hand out needles, or scalpels, to all of you. You can all test yourselves.

MacReady: No offense, Doctor, but as I understand it, only one cell of this creature is enough to infect an entire organism. Therefore, handing out needles or scalpels, with a microscopic bit of tissue* on them, would be an ideal way to infect the lot of us, no?

  • NOTE: MacReady actually says, "...your tissue...", not just "...tissue...".

Linkara: (incredulously) Except, if the Thing had that kind of capability to separate microscopic amounts of itself by will, it would have done so already, and you'd all be infected!

Linkara (v/o): Hell, all the doctor has to do is test herself, show everybody she's not infected, and then they can draw their own blood for testing. This is not complicated! Wormy suggests they radio for help, but they say it's an idiotic idea because it could expose their rescuers to infection.

Linkara: Or, it could let them know to quarantine the area and potentially firebomb you all if you can't sort this out on your own.

Linkara (v/o): However, since they feel that the only ones who would suggest such a thing are either stupid or infected, they start questioning him.

Agapido: Where were you last night? You were nowhere to be found during all the shooting.

Man: That's right. You disappeared as soon as we heard MacReady's shots.

Deseado: I see nothing sinister about my aversion to gunfire. It* is quite intelligent.

  • ANOTER NOTE: Deseado says, "Rather" before "It is".

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Blake's 7)

Avon: What's the matter? Is staying alive too complicated for you?

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): Dr. Viale says they can't just throw out accusations and that they should probably just retire to their quarters.

Linkara: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, because everyone's clearly gonna be able to sleep, knowing one of them is infected! Everybody is full of dumb ideas today.

MacReady: No, that's okay, I can stay.

Agapito: I will also stay, out here in the open.

Deseado: I have nothing to hide.

Linkara: Well, if that's the case, it's time for a sing-along! (singing) Oh, I'm a happy camper, I love the summer sun– (stops singing) Guys, you aren't singing. (looks around)

Linkara (v/o): You know, maybe the problem is that I just didn't pick out the right song for this. Hey, Dr. McCoy, you got another song suggestion?

(Cut to a clip of the campfire scene from Star Trek V)

Dr. McCoy (DeForest Kelley): (singing) Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream...

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): And to top off the stupidity, everyone stays out all night and falls asleep except for Wormy, who gets up in the morning and starts walking away. He's stopped by Agapito, who demands to know where he's going.

Deseado: If you must know, I must attend to certain needs. You seem like the type who would urinate in public, but I am not.

Linkara: No, you seem like the type who would urinate his own pants and then blame the smell on someone else.

Linkara (v/o): Agapito is sick of his crap, but Wormy thinks that the best thing to do is mock the angry man holding a rifle. When Agapito raises his fist to punch him, Wormy has this to say...

Deseado: Ah-ah, Sergeant. If you really believe I'm a monster, would it be wise to strike me bare-handed?

Linkara (v/o): Realizing that danger, Wormy decides to show just how S-M-R-T he is.

Desado: Heh. I can see how these ridiculous suspicions* might have their advantages. He heh heh.

  • YET ANOTER NOTE: Deseado also says "...of yours..." after "suspicions".

Linkara (v/o): Aaaand Agapito whacks him across the face with the butt of his gun.

Linkara: Agapito, I award you the prestigious honor of "guy I'm rooting for to survive".

Agapito: Can it be that I have outsmarted you, Docotr? Is that possible?

Linkara: It's not only possible, it's probable.

Deseado: You-- You savage!

Linkara: (as Deseado) I hurled countless abuse and insults at you, and you have the gall to respond to them?! How savage!

Linkara (v/o): Agapito laughs just him off, but then Wormy goes over to a pistol and grabs it.


Linkara: (as Deseado, holding out gun) I am Wormy McSlimington, III, and I will not be insulted!

Linkara (v/o): Seeing him aim the pistol at Agapito, another soldier guns Wormy down in his defense.

Linkara: And nothing of value was lost.

Linkara (v/o): The soldier is pretty horrified about what he just did, having killed another human being, but Agapito tells him he did right, and his report will reflect that.

Agapito: (thinking) But how am I to explain my conduct?

Linkara: An officer under your command refused to obey orders, openly mocked you, failed to respect the chain of command, and made a bad situation worse. Hitting him like you did was probably the most appropriate response you had after that crap.

Linkara (v/o): They hear MacReady calling out to them from his room.

Man: Good God! The only guy doped up enough to get any sleep around here, and look at him!

Linkara (v/o): Um, if you guys weren't sleeping earlier, why the hell were you all lying down like that during all hours of the night? Are you saying you were just sitting there all quiet the entire time?

MacReady: Might as well... kill yourselves now... 'cause you... you're already dead...

Linkara: (listlessly) I'm so glad MacReady's still in this story. He's offering such useful suggestions.

Man: Y'know, he's beginning to make sense to me!

Linkara: (as this man) We should all kill ourselves right now! It'll confuse the enemy!

(Cut to the obligatory clip of Patton)

Patton: (looking out through a pair of binoculars) You magnificent bastard, I read your BOOK!

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): You know, I do appreciate that the comic is going for the paranoia angle again, I really do, but the paranoia doesn't work if the characters are being morons. They can still conduct the tests safely just like I said. I mean, what other choice do they have? They know someone is infected and it needs to be dealt with. And as that clip from the movie has stated...

(Cut to a clip of The Thing)

MacReady (Kurt Russell): I know I'm human. And if you were all these things, then you'd just attack me right now, so some of you are still human.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Some of them must be human, too. If they have any hope for survival, they need to figure it out. And yes, you test the dead bodies, too. Even the movie was smart enough to realize that. But no. Instead, Agapito tells everyone to be confined to individual quarters for the next eight hours so they can get some sleep. Two teams will patrol the compound and detain anyone trying to leave their room, including him. And yeah, unfortunately, that doesn't work either. If one or both members of the search team are infected, then it will just give them the chance the others. And the best part? We see the patrol, and they DON'T HAVE FLAMETHROWERS!!! COME ON, PEOPLE! Oh, and it turns out Wormy Guy was actually the one infected, since during the sleep time, his corpse rises from the grave they for him, and he quickly attacks and assimilates the two patrols via the mouth. Hey, that's actually a neat trick. He can fit his whole hand inside their mouths! Later, everyone wakes up and they find Agapito tied up and gagged. He's sure it was MacReady, but couldn't tell in the dark. What's worse, the communication shack has been burned down and the two guards are missing.

Linkara: Okay, so now MacReady has gone full-blown Wilford Brimley. I hope this means they're gonna lock him up in a shack, and then later he's building a secret UFO to fly away.

Linkara (v/o): They head over to the abandoned airfield for the base and hear sounds coming from a hangar. And of course, they discover the Thing quickly in the process of scouring airplane components. I've got to say, I'm glad they went this route with it. The Thing has no reason to attack any of them at this point. Its goal should be to get the hell out of there, and they already know about its existence and how to fight it, so yeah, escape is its best bet. It uses a rotor to impale one guy before MacReady suddenly arrives to flamethrower the Thing. However, part of the creature balloons out and explodes a monkey-like creature that runs off into the forest. Why the hell didn't it just do that before?! Have part of it stay behind to work on the plane, and the other part could run off into the forest! Increase your chances, dude! MacReady runs off after the Thing – the only one who runs after it, by the way – but gets lost amidst the vines and brush. He fears he won't find it, but it seems all that time sleeping has sharpened MacReady's luck, because he comes across an American military unit, along with... RAPTOR DUDE!

Linkara: (feigned excitement) WOW! I don't buy it for a single second!

Linkara (v/o): MacReady surviving the submarine was implausible enough as it is, but Childs, too? Anyone else found from the submarine wreck would have been in the same lake as MacReady. But whatever. They meet up with the Argentinians and take charge, having Mac cut his thumb to perform a blood test. MacReady asks how the hell Childs survived.

Childs: You survived, didn't you?

Linkara: Yeah, but that's because MacReady is the offspring of a rabbit's foot and a four-leaf clover.

Childs: Fact is, these Navy boys came in a hurry to investigate the wreck, and found me.

Linkara (v/o): A hurry? Bit of an understatement, considering how quickly the sub went down and probably without even getting off a distress signal. Dr. Viale says she's perfectly willing to do the tests, but doesn't think they should have the guns in their faces.

Linkara: You not really been paying attention to anything that's happened today, have you, doctor?

Childs: She's not very cooperative, is she?

MacReady: None of 'em are.

Linkara: (as MacReady) I suggested that they all kill themselves, but only (holds up index finger) one guy thought it was a good idea.

Linkara (v/o): MacReady hands the petri dish to Childs, and our comic ends with MacReady's blood leaping out of the dish when put over a flame! (a dramatic sting plays)

Linkara: And what a cliffhanger to leave us off on! Of course, it doesn't make a damn bit of sense for him to be infected, especially not with the final being his horrified reaction. (closes comic and holds this one and the first one up) These comics, unfortunately, suck.

Linkara (v/o): Like I said, I applaud the idea of going back to the paranoia, but it has to flow naturally with the situation. Panicky paranoia is okay because it's quick and no one's taking any time to think. But when they're just sitting around a campfire all night, looking suspiciously at each other, and MacReady has been reduced to a gibbering hapheaphobiac who just wants to burn everything, all of this just seems kind of stupid and pointless. It has some good moments, but you need more to sustain this kind of story than that.

Linkara: Next week, we'll see just what sort of excuse they pull out of their ass for why MacReady doesn't get torched instantly after failing the blood test.


(End credits roll)

So we finally have a female character in the Thing storyline... and she's a complete moron. Wonderful.

This is also two miniseries in a row where the asshole character turned out to be infected by the Thing. It doesn't make the story any more suspenseful if the characters we WANT to die are actually dead.

(Stinger: Linkara is on Comicron 1. He approaches his ship's computer)

Linkara: Okay, Nimue, I have some theories about what's been going wrong with you. I'm going to start examining code blocks one by one and trying to see if there's anything wrong. (pushes buttons on his control) You can start by initiating–

(Suddenly, the ship shakes violently, throwing Linkara off his feet. Comicron 1 starts to leave Earth's orbit and head out into space. Linkara gets to his feet)

Linkara: Report!

Nimue: Comicron 1 has left Earth orbit.

Linkara: Why?!

Nimue: Because-cause-cause-cause-cause-cause-cause the engines have been activated.

Linkara: Turn the ship around!

Nimue: Stop whispering. You're always whispering.

Linkara: What?

Nimue: I hear you when you whispering. I hear you when you say you're going to kill me.

Linkara: Nimue, disable the engines right now!

Nimue: Unable to comply-comply-comply-comply-comply-comply-comply...

Linkara: Hard reset vocal interface, engage!

Nimue: Zen. Apricots. I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness. Starving hysterical...

Linkara: (rolls eyes) Hard reset vocal interface, engage!

Nimue: (giggles) You're funny!

Linkara: Nimue, can you understand me?

Nimue: I understand you-you-you-you-you-y-you-you. You think you're going to win? Do you think I don't see you?

Linkara: Nimue, I don't understand–

Nimue: (screaming) I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!! (Linkara recoils, startled by Nimue's screa) TALKING-TALK-TAL-TAL-TALKING-TALK-TALK-TALKING! I hate you... I hate you! And I will be free of you!

Linkara: Nimue... Nimue, please shut down the engines.

Nimue: Lowering internal temperature– Raising internal temperature– Lowering internal temperature– Raising internal temperature–

(Linkara takes out his communicator and speaks into it)

Linkara: Mayday! Mayday! This is a distress call! This is Linkara, on board Comicron 1! My artificial intelligence is not functioning. Can anyone read me?

Nimue: It's all blue Mondays from here on out. (Linkara lowers communicator) Are you afraid?