|
The Simpsons Movie
| |
|
| |
|
Release Date
|
April 26, 2023
|
|
Running Time
|
25:50
|
|
Previous Review
|
|
|
Next Review
|
|
|
Link
|
|
|
Video
|
 |
(The NC title sequence plays. Then NC walks into the studio and looks up in surprise at the ceiling. At least a dozen panel tiles are missing. He makes an annoyed "pop" sound with his mouth before making a call. The scene cuts to God and a few of His friends partying in Heaven. God's phone starts ringing.)
God (Malcolm): Hello?
NC: Hey, God. What the hell?
God: Oh, I'm sorry, man. I turned too much water into wine, and all the other gods were like, "Oh, you're not as smotey as you used to be," and I'm like, "Hey! I can still do stuff!" So...
NC: So you tornadoed our studio?!
God: No! Next to it. I was hitting the Target store across the street.
NC: Well, I guess with that logo, they are kind of asking for it.
God: Hey, bro, I hope you don't mind, I'm gonna go from a Laughing Buddha to a Reclining Buddha. Do what you gotta do.
NC: Okay, who's gonna fix all this?
God: Well, I would, but it takes me about forty days to sober up.
NC: Forty days?
God: Or forty years, or something like that. There's always a forty involved. Look, just tell your insurance company that it was an act of me. I'll even sign the paperwork for it.
NC: (deadpan) You're too kind.
God: Gotta go! Vishnu's going four shots at once! (He hangs up the phone and walks off.) Shots! Shots! Shots!
NC: Hope I have good insurance adjusters.
(Cut to Uncle Lies and Aunt Despair, who is talking on the phone. Uncle Lies casually tears a piece of paper to shreds. Beethoven's "Fur Elise" plays in the background.)
Aunt Despair: Well, the fact of the matter is...is, we can't inspect your place without your premiums going up. Are you willing to risk that?
NC: Do I have a choice?
Aunt Despair: Does anyone with insurance?
NC: Okay, well, when do you think you can look at the place?
Aunt Despair: Well, we're swamped with paperwork from the last insurance company that we had.
NC: Wait, what'd you say?
Aunt Despair: I didn't, you did.
NC: Oh! What'd I say?
Aunt Despair: That you'll wait at home and we'll check it out soon. (gives a thumbs-up)
NC: (sighs) Okay, sounds fine.
Aunt Despair: You sound fine.
NC: Thanks, but... Wait, what?
Aunt Despair: You were saying goodbye.
NC: Oh, goodbye–
(He is interrupted, however, as Aunt Despair abruptly hangs up. Confused, NC leaves the studio and returns to his home. He sits down on the couch.)
NC: Well, all I have to do is wait.
(We cut to a long time later (per some text on the screen).)
NC: Seems like a long time...
(Cut to a very long time later.)
NC: (adjusting his jacket anxiously) Seems like a very long time...
(Cut to a ridiculously long time later.)
NC: What the title card said.
(Cut to a crazy-ass WTF long time later.)
NC: (exasperated) WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?
(At that moment, however, he is interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He answers it.)
NC: Yeah?
(It's Aunt Despair again. In the background, Uncle Lies continues to casually tear pieces of paper to shreds. He then stuffs some of the shredded paper in his mouth.)
Aunt Despair: Okay, we checked out the place.
NC: Why did it take forever?! I've been waiting so long, three presidents almost went to jail!
Aunt Despair: We wanted to make sure everything was done as best as it could be. That being said, it's gonna take a couple of months.
NC: I waited all this time for that?! That barely seems worth it!
Aunt Despair: Well, that's why we're called The Simpsons Movie Insurance. (NC stares in silent disbelief.) The Simpsons Movie took a long time to come out.
NC: Yeah, I– we– they caught on.
(NC hangs up and looks into the camera with a look of resignation. The title for The Simpsons Movie is shown, followed by footage of it.)
NC (vo): Okay, make whatever "Simpsons has been on too long" joke you want, but I think I speak for many when I say this show has truly defined a generation of comedy. I'm really not kidding when I say maybe eighty percent of modern in media today can be traced back to The Simpsons. Every self-aware reference, cleverly written line, visually surreal cutaways, and slight jab at popular culture most likely stem from this series. Truth be told, I think it's one of the most influential shows in television history. With that said, people argue its peak was roughly 1990 to 1995, and The Simpsons Movie wasn't even talked about seriously until 1997. But okay, just because something's not in its prime, doesn't mean you can't still make a cinematic event out of it. The audience and excitement is still there. But it took so long to agree on ideas while still producing the show itself that the film didn't come out until ten years later in 2007. This is long after the Simpsons themselves acknowledge they've probably been on too long.
Background Singer: ♫ They'll never stop The Simpsons! Have no fear, we've got stories for you... ♫
NC (vo): Still, the film was a big deal when it came out, with a marketing bonanza that was all over the place, including a tie-in with 7-Eleven to turn all their convenience stores into Kwik-E-Mart, filled with Simpson in-jokes. (Shots of a 7-Eleven with elements of the show inside are shown.) And I think we can all agree this stuff was probably better than the film itself. Okay, so I've never met anyone who hated this movie, but I've also never met anyone who loved it either. Honestly, I think if it came out ten years earlier, it might have had more lasting power and been more influential. But compare the animation in this movie to a current Simpsons episode. Does it really look that different? When I saw it, people laughed and had a good time, but nobody really discussed it after. It was a properly big story with a properly big budget, but with similar jokes to what we saw on TV at the time, which, again, ten years earlier would have been fine when that was a bit more fresh. I'd actually argue this film probably did most things correctly...except come out a decade earlier. But look, I don't like trash-talking The Simpsons, because they still mean a lot to me, and to their credit, some of their newer seasons have had some real hits in them, and even tried to do something new here and there. I'm just here to look at both the impact and lack of impact the movie had when it came out fifteen years ago, because, frankly, it is a film that's tricky to put in one box, and I find movies like that interesting.
NC: So, (sighs with resignation) because it looks like we're suffering some delays as well...
(Cut back to the Simpsons Movie Insurance office. Aunt Despair and Uncle Lies appear to be in no hurry at all to help out NC as she lazily hits a binder with a brush while he continues to chew on some paper. A delivery person (Malcolm) walks up, holding a gas can.)
Delivery person: Uh, where'd you want this gasoline?
Uncle Lies: Oh, just pour it anywhere.
(The delivery person looks up in confusion, shifting his eyes left and right. Cut back to NC.)
NC: ...let's take a look at The Simpsons Movie.
(The movie begins with a space probe landing on the moon.)
NC (vo): Oh, sorry, I put on Futurama by accident.
(Actually, the astronauts emerging from the probe are Itchy and Scratchy.)
NC (vo): This is an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, and for all the spinoffs and crossovers we've had over the years, why hasn't [sic] Itchy and Scratchy gotten a show/movie of their own?
NC: Oh, wait, they've kind of had a ton, haven't they?
(Not exactly, as we are shown a series of grotesque cartoons that owe their existence to Itchy and Scratchy, including Ren & Stimpy, Invader Zim, Courage the Cowardly Dog and Happy Tree Friends. Cut back to the movie, as Itchy beats up Scratchy with the pole holding the American flag and then takes off in the probe, leaving Scratchy, his helmet broken, behind.)
NC: (shrugs) That weirdly might be the most beautifully composed shot in the movie.
NC (vo): They do the missile shot that misled a lot of people in the trailer, which...okay, I know Simpsons is cartoony, but one missile is literally the size of Georgia; it's not that cartoony. And we discover this is all a film the Simpsons are watching.
(We are shown the Simpsons and several other Springfield denizens watching the Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, which is shown to be a movie playing in a theater.)
Homer Simpson (voice of Dan Castellaneta): I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free.
NC: (shrugs) If you present it that way, it'll come across that way.
NC (vo): And yeah, that is the issue for a little bit of time. The first third isn't really a movie as much as leftover jokes they didn't use in the show. I mean, okay, the Itchy and Scratchy bit is pretty funny, but if you've been waiting years for a Simpsons movie like many of us did, is this really the big opening that would satisfy you?
(In the theater, Homer stands up and faces the crowd.)
Homer: Everybody in this theater is a giant sucker, especially (points at camera) YOU!
NC (vo): It seems thrown together last minute. Like, even these backgrounds flying by look a little cheaply animated. And I don't know, do you see any hints this movie started development in the '90s, Green Day?
(Green Day is giving a concert, sponsored by Duff Beer, on a lake, but their floating stage starts to sink, which they notice.)
Billie Joe Armstrong: (removing his guitar) Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
(Resigned to their fate, they remove their instruments and take out some violins, on which they play "Nearer, My God to Thee".)
NC: Ooh! And a Titanic...
NC (vo): ...reference!
NC: Okay, I'm not gonna lie, that made me laugh pretty hard.
NC (vo): The kinda story kinda starts when the Simpsons go to church, and Flanders has an announcement.
Ned Flanders (voice of Harry Shearer): The Good Lord is telling me to confess to something...
Homer: (crossing his fingers) Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!
NC: (confused) I feel like his excitement for that should probably be a movie of its own. (A poster for a made-up movie is shown: "Adult Stupid Sexy Flanders", rated XXX.) Maybe it is.
NC (vo): Grandpa suddenly starts talking crazy, predicting the end of the world, leading to this pretty funny line...
Lisa (voice of Yeardley Smith): Do something!
Homer: (frantically looking through the Bible) This book doesn't have any answers!
NC: Or...a reason why he's doing any of this!
NC (vo): Yeah, they never do explain why Grandpa has this vision that accurately predicts the future. (An article showing 21 times how The Simpsons predicted the future pops up.) Though I guess Simpsons never will reveal how they can always tell what's gonna happen.
NC: My God, they were right! (takes off hat and runs hand over bald head as a shot of the Simpsons family is shown in the corner) Our skulls are becoming our hair!
NC (vo): Maybe he was referring to the trees looking like Papa [sic] Rappa the Rapper. Guys! (The posters for Ratatouille and TMNT are shown.) It's 2007.
(Back home, Homer tends to some household chores. He looks at the first thing on his list.)
Homer: Hmm... "Take out hornet's nest".
(Homer takes a broom and uses it to knock a hornets' nest off a tree with hornets swarming around it. It lands in his arms, and he freaks out as he tries to get rid of it, finally stuffing it in the Flanders' mailbox.)
NC (vo): Like I said, the first third of this movie works more like random jokes from the show than the cinematic narrative. Like, I totally forgot Lisa had a subplot with an Irish boyfriend in this, because he just seems like an excuse to work in some more random laughs.
Irish boy (voice of Tress MacNeille): I'm Colin.
Lisa: (waving) I haven't seen you at school.
Colin: Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
Lisa: Is he–
Colin: He's not Bono.
NC: I actually would've liked it more if they tried growing more of a relationship between...
NC (vo): ...her and Milhouse. At least I have a connection with him as opposed to this bland-o rando.
Milhouse (voice of Pamela Hayden): I am passionate about the planet–
Nelson (voice of Nancy Cartwright): (holding up his fist at Milhouse) Say "Global warming is a myth!"
Milhouse: (holding up his hands) Further study is needed!
(Nelson punches Milhouse in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. He falls to the ground.)
Nelson: That's for selling out your beliefs!
NC: Get used to that, Simpsons.
(Bart is seen wearing a black bra over his head like a certain pair of mouse ears.)
Bart: (to Marge, imitating Mickey Mouse) I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!
(We then see the Simpsons family in front of the Disney Plus logo, with Bart dressed like Mickey, Marge like Bo Peep, Homer like Iron Man, Maggie like Yoda, and Lisa like an iceberg.)
Homer: Now, everybody smile! (dons his face shield)
NC: (nodding and smiling) Can predict the future!
(As he says this, the article on The Simpsons predicting the future is shown again.)
NC: Here's a joke somebody clearly threw out in the writers' room at the last minute...
(As Homer tries to hold a stack of bricks on his back, Bart tries to shoot at the bricks and/or his father with a BB gun. As this happens, we are shown a TV news crawler. Among the news bits are a promo for "Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity?" on FOX, and the revelation that they advertised a show in a movie.)
NC (vo): "That's funny, where do we put it?" "I don't know, it's a movie! We can tie things together as loosely as the show does!"
(The scene in the movie theater is shown again.)
Homer: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free.
NC: Yeah, that line's already not aging well.
NC (vo): Anyway, we continue to get a lot of random jokes that almost feel like 22 shorts about Springfield with occasional plots snuck in. Or, if you still want to meme it, (A shot of the "steamed hams" meme pops up.) "steamed hams without steamed hams". Ha ha! Has anybody thought of that?!
NC: No, really, has anybody thought of that? I'd be shocked if somebody hasn't.
NC (vo): There is a steamed dog, though.
(Bart is seen skateboarding through town completely naked, passing by several things that conveniently block his anatomy. As he goes through a bush, several images of the Minions appear over his anatomy, giggling.)
NC (vo): Yeah, this film does try to earn its PG-13 by going a little edgier on the jokes, which is a touch out of character, but...
NC: (shrugs) Again, it's a movie; I want to see what they can't do on TV.
NC (vo): No matter how uncomfortable it might be by today's standards.
(The police arrest Bart for indecent exposure and handcuff him to a flagpole with his hands behind it. Nelson's mother comes up and points at him.)
Nelson's mother: Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha!
NC: Bart is gonna be into some weird shit when he gets older. (A shot of the Dalai Lama is shown in the corner.) They should take him to the Dalai Lama; that'll straighten him out.
NC (vo): This does lead into a subplot where Bart starts to prefer [Ned] Flanders as a father because Homer is always absent and reckless. But it has to fight for space for the subplot that deserves even more attention: Homer gets a pig!
(A pig walks up to Homer, who fantasizes about what a great pet the pig will make, while "Happy Together" by The Turtles plays in the background.)
NC (vo): The story is essential to the first thirty minutes and then never returns in the rest of the movie.
Krusty the Clown (voice of Castellaneta): Cut, print, kill the pig.
(Someone takes a jagged cleaver to kill the pig as it wears a chef's hat. It squeals in fright.)
Homer: You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
NC: It's true. Why do you think so many pigs are mascots for delis?
(Homer brings the pig home. It leaves tracks all over the place, even on the ceiling. Marge tries to wash the tracks off.)
Marge (voice of Julie Kavner): How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
(In answer, Marge spots Homer holding the pig upside-down so as to have it walk across the ceiling, leaving pig tracks.)
Homer: (to the tune of the old Spider-Man theme) ♫ Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig... ♫
NC (vo): And yes, Spider-Pig was ruined for me by the constant advertising all over the place.
(Footage of the trailer is shown.)
Homer: ♫ Does whatever a Spider-Pig does... ♫
(The title is shown.)
Trailer Announcer (presumably Don LaFontaine): The Simpsons Movie.
(A TV spot for the movie is shown.)
Homer: ♫ Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig... ♫
TV Spot Announcer: The Simpsons Movie.
(Finally, we are shown an ad for the DVD release.)
Homer: ♫ ...does whatever a Spider-Pig does... ♫
DVD Announcer: The Simpsons Movie.
NC (vo): If Hans Zimmer didn't do an epic orchestral version of it as a joke that they then also threw in as a joke, I might have rated this obnoxious joke with...
(As we cut back to NC, we are shown images of some of his old running jokes: the shot of Chuck Norris, M. Bison (Raul Julia) from the Street Fighter saying "Of course!", the Bat Credit Card, and Christopher Lloyd saying "I was frozen today!")
NC: ...well, one of my jokes.
NC (vo): Another slight issue is the pacing, which admittedly is tricky for writing like this. It wants to capture the comedy of the show, but still move at a cinematic speed. So, sometimes, the jokes would be one after another, not allowing any character moments to sink in...
(Homer is seen saving the naked Bart from being cuffed to the flagpole, but he only brought him his shirt, which he tries to pull over his lower half.)
Bart: You didn't bring my pants!
Homer: Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
Bart: This is the worst day of my life.
Homer: The worst day of your life so far.
NC (vo): ...or it'll just hold on a joke randomly.
(Marge smirks while Homer holds his pig.)
Homer: You smiled! I'm off the hook! (runs off)
NC: Just put (An image of Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man is shown in the corner.) Andrew Garfield standing there awkwardly, and you won't notice.
NC (vo): Because of this, the film often doesn't feel personal; it feels like a movie by committee. Like, the jokes are first, and the story second, which, if the jokes were spectacular or doing something new, that'd be fine. But it truly is the same quality we always saw on the show.
(The scene in the movie theater is shown once again.)
Homer: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on–
NC: Yeah, how many times am I gonna reference that? Okay, let's lighten up.
NC (vo): Because for all of these faults, there are still amazing laughs that crack me up for reasons that honestly are hard to explain. Like, why does them idiot-proofing the lake from being polluted more crack me up when they ask this idiot to dump something in it?
(Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel is trying to walk into a barrier blocking the lake, holding a rat, but he keeps bumping into it.)
Cletus: (to everyone) I can't. I simply can't.
NC: (snickers) I don't know! That's just kind of the magic of Simpsons writing!
NC (vo): I can't deny whether they're character moments or standalone commentary. They are some zingers that do more than make me laugh; they delight the hell out of me. I love when Marge asks Homer if that silo outside the house is full of pig shit.
Marge: He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
Homer: Well, I helped.
NC: (laughs) Christ, that's hilarious!
NC (vo): Moments like that make me overlook the past mistakes and say, "Okay, I want to stay for more moments like that."
(Realizing he has to remove the silo, Homer takes his pig and straps him to the passenger seat beside him. He then puts the silo on top of the car and drives it to the local hazardous waste treatment center, only to find a long line of cars, also full of containers of hazardous waste, waiting to go in as well. So, unable or unwilling to wait, Homer drives his car and the silo full of pig poop to the lake, which had just been idiot-proofed. It is surrounded on all sides by signs that warn against dumping, but Homer smashes through some of the signs and then dumps the silo into the lake.)
NC (vo): Homer ends up dumping the silo into the polluted lake, causing Springfield to become more dangerous than usual. This is brought to the head of the EPA, Russ Cargill, played by Albert Brooks, who brings this up to President Schwarzenegger, back when that was the funniest person we can imagine being President.
President Schwarzenegger (voice of Shearer): Everything's "crisis" this, "end of the world" that! Nobody opens with a joke. I miss Danny DeVito.
(As we cut back to NC, an image of Herb Powell, Homer's half-brother, is shown in the corner.)
NC: (as Schwarzenegger) Get me Homer Simpson's brother. He sounds close enough.
NC (vo): They declare Springfield is to be domed off... (The cover for "Under the Dome" by Stephen King pops up.) STEPHEN DID IT! ...resulting in objectively and personally the best joke in the movie.
(Two groups of people, one standing outside the church and the other outside Moe's tavern, look up to see the dome covering their town. They freak out and each run into the other building the first group came out of.)
NC: We're gonna be studying that joke years from now.
NC (vo): This is where the film starts to get going. Most folks don't even remember what happens in this until the dome pops up.
(Russ Cargill appears on a screen projected in the dome to address the people.)
NC (vo): Maybe because it's finally a major conflict.
Cagrill: To prevent your poisons from spreading, your government has sealed you all within in this dome. (Everyone gasps.)
NC: Don't worry, this is all a work of fiction; the government would never really do anything to help the environment.
Moe (voice of Hank Azaria): [You mean] we're trapped like rats?
Cargill: No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like...carrots.
(Everyone stares at each other in silent confusion. NC, too, is confused.)
NC: Right? You feel it, too. Like, (holds up index finger) one editor picked the most random moments to hold on.
(NC stares in silence for a few seconds more. Then text pops up in yellow, first reading, "Guest Editor Rob Here...", followed by "Looks Stupid, Don't He?")
NC (vo): But then, a little touch like Marge knitting "Dome Sweet Dome" is hilarious, and you blink, you miss it. That's what makes it so funny. Like I said, I feel like one too many hands were probably chopping this up.
(On the TV, there is a news broadcast showing the now-empty silo being lifted out of the lake.)
NC (vo): It's eventually figured out that Homer was responsible, resulting in a mob wanting to take the Simpsons down.
(Krusty leads the mob into the house and spots Maggie. He points at her with a baton and looks toward his chimp, Mr. Teeny.)
Krusty: Teeny, take out the baby!
(Mr. Teeny confronts Maggie, adjusting his hat as he does so. Maggie takes her baby bottle and smashes it against the stair rail, shattering it. She then holds the broken bottle out at the chimp menacingly and dares him to come closer.)
NC: Proof Maggie is the best character. Has she ever had a joke that didn't work?
(Cut to a clip of an episode of the show, showing Maggie actually talking.)
Maggie (voice of Jodie Foster): Throughout the ages, the finger painter...
NC: (sighs) God damn it, how do you ruin Maggie?!
NC (vo): We get two edgy jokes back to back, one where they want to hang the family, including Maggie...
(The mob lifts up the Simpsons' car, with the family in it, and carry to a set of nooses to hang them. One of them has a baby pacifier tied to it for Maggie. The family reacts in shock, including Maggie, whose own pacifier falls out of her mouth.)
NC: Still standing by she's the best character.
NC (vo): ...and one where they find a way through the sandbox and Homer gives them all the middle finger.
NC: Which I'm not sure how you do if you only have four fingers, but still pretty funny.
NC (vo): The house sinks into the hole, which is actually some pretty sweet animation. Things really start to look and feel cinematic around this point.
EPA agent: (to Cargill) Sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power.
Cargill: Of course I have! You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring; no one listens to you.
NC: Okay, (Two shots of Albert Brooks appear on both sides of NC) it's close, but Albert Brooks (Shots of Hank Scorpio and Brad Goodman, two characters Brooks voiced on the show, are shown in the corner.) might be the best Simpsons guest star.
(We go to a commercial break. Upon return, the movie resumes.)
NC (vo): The Simpsons make their way to a shitty motel.
Marge: Bart, are you drinking whiskey?!
Bart: I'm troubled.
NC: You know, maybe every fifth joke is pretty damn great.
NC (vo): I give the film credit: This is one of the few times Homer is actually starts to sound like a real person.
Homer: I don't think about things! I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawling next to you again.
NC: That's not even that funny, it's just...a human moment.
NC (vo): It reminds me of some of the earlier seasons, where they threw in a lot of jokes, but the heartfelt scenes also felt very genuine.
Homer: (holding his hand out to Marge) I need you to do this with me.
Marge: Okay, Homey. (puts her hand in his) I'm with you.
NC: I also feel like Marge is arguably the most interesting character in the movie, because...she isn't just a setup for jokes.
NC (vo): You legit feel her aggravation, but also her need to find value in the person she loves. There are drops of that here and there, as you'll see a little bit later, but I feel like we needed just a few more moments like this to make the emotional connection to make the story feel bigger. On that note, though, the jokes are worked in a little better from here on out. They can win a truck at a carnival if Homer can ride a motorcycle inside a cage. I legit remember this joke because it comes back later when he rides it around the dome. It may seem like a subtle thing, but touches like this help you make connections and remember the experience more. It doesn't just feel random.
(After riding the motorcycle in the cage, Homer lands with ease.)
NC (vo): It looks like Homer does win the truck, and they make their way to Alaska. They almost get caught, but a quick fake-out saves the day.
(A poster showing the Simpsons, who are now wanted criminals, is shown hanging inside the gas station convenience store, but Bart vandalizes it in an attempt to make his family unrecognizable.)
Clerk: (suddenly pointing presumably at the family) There they are!
(He is actually pointing at another family who looks exactly like the family Bart defaced on the poster. They are promptly arrested. The real Simpsons then drive off, Bart laughing at the result of his handiwork.)
NC: Not gonna lie, I wanna know the story of every single one of those doppelgangers.
(The family arrives at the Alaskan border. They stop briefly at a border crossing.)
Border crossing guard: Welcome to Alaska. (holds out some dollar bills to Homer) We pay every resident a thousand dollars to allow the oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.
(NC looks around shiftily, then takes out his cell phone. He pushes some buttons on his phone and then becomes intrigued by something.)
NC: Well done. You didn't even have to write a joke; reality did it for you.
NC (vo): We get a pretty weird scene, even for The Simpsons, where Disney-style animals help Marge and Homer get undressed to bed.
(As bluebirds pull Homer's shirt off, an elk uses its antlers to tear off Marge's dress. It has a fawn with it that clearly resembles Bambi. Marge's now-torn dress falls off, revealing her undergarments. She looks down in confusion.)
NC: Apologies: we just let DeviantArt write this scene for some reason.
(A bunch of forest animals all watch Homer and Marge with wide-eyed interest. The elk covers the fawn's eyes.)
NC: And then we showed them what DeviantArt actually is!
NC (vo): Back in Springfield, the people are getting closer to breaking through the dome, so Cargill devises a plan to blow them up.
Cargill: (to President Schwarzenegger) There's gonna be hearings, investigations...
Schwarzenegger: I'd like to go back to making family comedies.
(He looks toward the poster of a movie he starred in hanging on the wall. It is called Diaper Genie, which shows a baby unleashing a genie in a diaper (Schwarzenegger) from a lamp. He looks down, groaning in disappointment.)
NC: You sure DreamWorks isn't working on that?
(As he says this, promotional images for The Boss Baby and Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken are shown off to the side. Back in the movie, Tom Hanks appears in an ad of some kind. He walks up to a random family.)
Hanks (voice of the real Hanks): Hello, I'm Tom Hanks.
Boy: Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
(Hanks does so, laughing. Little sparkles emerge from the boy's hair. The camera pulls back to reveal a new Grand Canyon, to be located where Springfield will have once stood. It is an artist's simulation, per some on-screen text.)
NC (vo): An ad starring Tom Hanks indicates that the town is about to be blown up. And I love their cheesy parody of him is honestly becoming (Shots of Hanks as Fred Rogers (in A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood) and Walt Disney (in Saving Mr. Banks) are shown.) what he kind of is now.
NC: Yet somehow more cartoony!
(As he says this, shots of Hanks as Geppetto (in the 2022 remake of Pinocchio) and Colonel Tom Parker (in Elvis) are shown.)
NC (vo): Thus, the family wants to go and save the town.
Homer: (angrily, arms crossed) Screw Springfield!
Marge: (gasps) I can't believe you'd say something so selfish!
(As we cut back to NC, an earlier shot of the nooses, including the one for Maggie, is shown in the corner.)
NC: They were gonna hang your baby. Is that really that shocking of a reaction?
NC (vo): Marge asks Homer to trust her, but he laughs in her face and runs away. This results in her taking the kids and recording over their wedding video, saying he's a changed man and there's no love left in their marriage. Now, I'm not sure I'm the only one to say this, but this is easily the best acting to come out of Marge's voice actress, Julie Kavner.
(Homer is watching Marge's recorded message on the TV in the cabin.)
Marge: I overlooked these things.
Homer: Because...?
Marge: (low, depressed voice) I j– I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore.
NC: Whenever this movie is brought up, (holds up three fingers) there's always three things that people remember: Spider-Pig, the dome, and this scene.
NC (vo): They apparently recorded it several times to tire out Julie's voice, and man, does it leave an impact.
Marge: And to prove to myself that this is the end...I taped this over our wedding video.
NC: The theater legit goes quiet. You could hear a pin drop.
NC (vo): As much as I say this film does need more heart, the few bits it has does leave an impression. And again, it works because you feel where she's coming from. You get frustrated right along with her. She isn't just a setup for punchlines, she feels like an actual human being.
(Cut briefly to the credits, which show that the screenplay was done in part by James L. Brooks.)
NC (vo): It's like James L. Brooks came in and said...
(Posters for past movies that Brooks had directed pop up: Broadcast News, Terms of Endearment, and As Good As It Gets.)
NC (vo): ..."You know, I've directed a few movies."
(Cut back to The Simpsons Movie.)
NC (vo): "We should probably remind people that's what they're watching."
Marge: (softly) Goodbye, Homey.
(Marge sheds a tear. Then the message ends, and the wedding video that the message was recorded over resumes. Homer is stunned. As we cut back to NC, the earlier clip of the two groups of people running out of the church and Moe's tavern and into each other's establishments is shown in the corner. NC points toward it.)
NC: If this is the best joke in the movie, (points toward the scene of Marge's speech) this is the best scene in the movie.
NC (vo): Thank God it's followed by this dumb joke...
(A devasted Homer walks out of the cabin toward a lake. He falls face forward onto a ice floe sticking out on the shore. It breaks off and floats out to the middle of the lake with him on it. It is in the shape of a heart, but part of the shape breaks off, suggesting the heartbreak going on. The screen fades to black as the words "TO BE CONTINUED" fade in.)
NC (vo): Wow!
NC: (looking at his phone) Only an hour running time, huh? Okay.
(Then the word "Immediately" fades in.)
NC: (sputters) Got me, movie! Oh, my God, that was such a good trick! (calms down) Yeah, okay, this is what I think they thought the audience reaction was gonna be...
(The "TO BE CONTINUED" message is shown again. The sound of an audience reacting in confusion is heard. Then the "IMMEDIATELY" message pops up again, and the audience is heard sounding satisfied.)
NC: Versus what my screening was like...
(Again, the "TO BE CONTINUED" message is displayed.)
NC (vo): Bullshit!
(Again, the "IMMEDIATELY" message is displayed.)
NC (vo): Pretty lame!
(The movie resumes with Marge taking the kids away on a train, while Homer is barely clinging to life from hypothermia. He is found and dragged away to a native village to recover.)
NC (vo): Homer discovers a medicine woman who tries to steer him in the right direction. And again, it would have been nice if she was built up to a little bit and didn't just come out of nowhere. Like, maybe he had a connection to the vision Grandpa got, or maybe she was what called to Homer to go to Alaska, or...maybe her spirit animal's the pig. I don't know, just pretend you're writing a movie!
(Homer sees several totem carvings with different members of his family on top of them. The totem resembling the medicine woman (Marge is on top of this one) comes to life.)
Medicine Woman (voice of MacNeille): Unless you have an epiphany, you will spend the remainder of your days alone!
NC (vo): Homer has a vision that makes him realize he should fix the problems he started and goes after his family, just as they're captured by Cargill.
(As Homer spots a prison truck from the EPA driving down the highway, he hears the sound of what he thinks is Lisa's saxophone playing a melancholy tune.)
Homer: Lisa, knock off that racket! (now realizes and gasps) Lisa!
(In the prison truck, Lisa is playing the tune on her sax. They are all handcuffed.)
NC (vo): They gave her a saxophone? You know, a barred window would have alerted him and made a little bit more sense.
(The family is brought back to Springfield, now a deserted wreck.)
Marge: (gasps) Springfield...!
NC (vo): They're dropped off back in Springfield just as it's about to ready to blow up.
Marge: Despite everything, I miss your father.
(Unbeknownst to them, however, Homer has also returned and is climbing up the side of the dome.)
Lisa: Mom, I've got to go find Colin.
NC: (confused) Who's Colin?
(We are shown Colin, the Irish kid from earlier that Lisa was developing feelings for.)
NC (vo): Oh, I-I mean, yes, that incredibly memorable character woven so organically into–
(As we cut back to NC, a shot of the Bumblebee Man is shown in the corner.)
NC: I remember Bumblebee Man's lines more than him!
NC (vo): The police use a robot to try and defuse the bomb, resulting in another great edgy joke...
(The robot is about to clip one of the wires, but it apparently can't go through with it without risking cutting the wrong wire. Instead, it takes a gun from Chief Wiggum's holster and shoots itself in the head with it, destroying itself.)
Chief Wiggum (voice of Hank Azaria): It was talking about it, but I didn't take him seriously.
NC: But maybe I just like it because I don't know if that joke's allowed on YouTube anymore.
NC (vo): ...and Homer grabs the bomb, bring Bart along to toss it.
(Homer rides in on a motorcycle, seizing the bomb and Bart, too. With his motorcycle performance at the carnival fresh in his mind, Homer rides the motorcycle up the side of the dome toward the top, eventually riding upside-down on the ceiling. Bart, holding the bomb, starts to fall, but he grabs his father's shirt, clinging for dear life. They both scream as they reach a hole in the top of the dome. With only seconds left to go, Bart tosses the bomb out through the hole. It explodes in midair just above the dome. Springfield is safe, but the explosion finally causes the dome to shatter. As Homer rides his motorcycle down the other side of the dome, shards of the dome glass start to fall down everywhere. The motorcycle starts to fall, but Homer rides it down safely using the falling shards.)
NC (vo): It's a pretty fun and impressively large scene, though, admittedly, I do wish it held on some of the massive shots a little longer; they go by pretty quick. But everyone praises Homer as a hero.
(As Homer brings his motorcycle to a stop in front of the cheering crowd, another shard lands on Dr. Nick Riviera, impaling him.)
Dr. Riviera (voice of Azaria): Bye, everybody... (dies)
NC (vo): My God, they killed off Dr. Nick?!
NC: No, I'm legit asking. I didn't really watch much of the show after this movie came out.
(Meanwhile, Lisa finally meets up Colin again.)
Colin: You want to go–
Lisa: Clean up the lake!
Colin: Well, I was gonna say "get some ice cream," but okay.
(Lisa takes Colin's hand, and they walk off together.)
NC (vo): Aw, what a well-developed romance. I can't wait to see more of Colin–
(To a game show buzzer sound, the words "HE'S NEVER SEEN AGAIN" pop up in red.)
NC: Yeah, I didn't need to watch the show to know that happens!
(The words "SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHAT ABOUT DR. NICK?" pop up in yellow. Cut back to the movie. It's not shown in the review, but Cargill, having found out what Homer and Bart did, confronts them at the edge of his Grand Canyon replica, not taking kindly to them thwarting his plans. He aims a shotgun at them, ready to kill them in retaliation. What is shown is what happens before he can pull the trigger: he gets hit on the head and knocked out by a falling boulder, which Maggie, of all people, had dropped on him. That's right, the antagonist in this movie is defeated once and for all by a baby!)
NC (vo): They take the villain out, Homer and Marge ride through another batch of poorly rendered trees, and...I don't know, this joke's as good to end on as any.
(Everyone in Springfield is rebuilding the town, including the Simpsons' home. Homer and Bart on the roof, nailing the shingles, but Homer hits his thumb on the hammer and, with a scream, runs off, causing the line of shingles to unravel like knitting. Bart laughs. Homer runs back and forth across the roof and finally falls off. The end credits start to roll, to a rock version of the Simpsons theme.)
NC: What a great way to end a TV special! (looks up in thought briefly) Kind of a lame way to end a movie, though.
(As the end credits roll, a shot of the end credits from an episode of The Critic is shown in the corner.)
NC (vo): They couldn't even get Jay Sherman to watch the end credits.
NC: As a critic who's offended by everything, I'm offended!
NC (vo): And did I say Maggie jokes usually work?
Marge: Oh, my God, her first word!
(Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth.)
Maggie (voice of Nancy Cartwright): Sequel.
NC: Of course! How else are we gonna get our (A shot of Colin is shown in the corner.) Colin fix?!
(Footage of the movie plays out one more time as NC gives his closing thoughts on it.)
NC (vo): The film did do very well financially, and the critical reception wasn't bad either. A sequel has been bounced around quite a bit, but for one reason or another, it got delayed. At this point, though, I really wouldn't do one unless it was to wrap up the series, because this film I can't say is bad; it has plenty of laughs and cinematic moments, but there's just not much of a soul to it. I think if they combined a big story with that's emotionally small, like the dome, with a small story that feels emotionally big, like some of the earlier episodes, that might have worked a little better. Keep it simple, personal, but yes, still large. It is a movie; big things should happen, but it should also feel big as well as look big. And aside from Marge's emotional moment, there really isn't anything like that here. Look, I can't pretend I've watched all the Simpsons episodes, and my guess is, you can't, either. But, I know that love and respect for them still runs deep. While I can't act like I'm as passionate about them as I used to be, I'm always gonna be cheering them on. I do still want what's best for them, and I feel like other people who were shaped by their humor do, too. So yeah, I'm not gonna say the movie has played a major part in their history, but with talks of a sequel, it is in a strange way a reminder of what The Simpsons is, was, and ultimately still could be.
NC: (with a look of resignation) And speaking of waiting, it looks like we may have to do some of our reviews here for the time being.
(Suddenly, his phone rings again. He answers it.)
NC: Hello?
(It's Aunt Despair again. She is holding a drill in her hand. Behind her, Uncle Lies is casually eating some torn-up pieces of paper.)
Aunt Despair: Remind me: a nail gun doesn't shoot bullets, right?
NC: Wait, are you planning to fix it yourself?
Aunt Despair: No, we're just being prepared.
(The delivery person then walks up to Uncle Lies, holding a box.)
Repairman: Um, I have your delivery of nail bullets, because that's a thing.
Uncle Lies: (pointing towards Aunt Despair) Oh, yes, put them right over there. Careful, she bites.
(The delivery person looks toward Aunt Despair in confusion. She smiles creepily, as does Uncle Lies. NC hangs up.)
NC: Yeah, we're gonna be here for a while. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
Channel Awesome Tagline – (Gracie Films jingle)