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The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

NC The Santa Clause Three

Release Date
December 18, 2019
Running Time
38:01
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(The Channel Awesome logo and NC intro play. Then we open on Black Willy Wonka (played by Malcolm sitting at his desk and talking on the phone)

Wonka: Yes, sir, you heard correctly, we'll be closed on Christmas Day. (gets up from his seat and walks toward his front door) Well, you can blame Jesus. He's the one that popped up.

(He turns off his cell phone and walks out into the hallway, where Hyper Fangirl is)

HFG: (writing in binder) Christmas trees, stockings... (sees Black Wonka) Oh! Black Willy Wonka, did you get the presents?

Wonka: Indeed. No one will know that they're missing.

HFG: I choose not to question that.

(They then hear the sound of NC groaning and rubbing his eyes as he walks down the hall toward them in his Christmas jacket)

NC: Oh, God, I'm tired.

HFG: Hey, Critic, are you done editing the Christmas review for next week?

NC: Yeah, it's all cued up. I just had to review The Santa Clause 3 for this week, and then finally, Christmas vacation.

HFG: Were you up all night?

NC: The past several nights so I could get these done before the deadline today. But it's fine. I just might not have a ton of energy for the holiday party tonight.

HFG: Oh, that's okay. I know you have a really early flight tomorrow.

Wonka: Anyway, we've got you covered. Everyone's bringing a little something to help out, whether it be punch, canned yams, or the blood of our enemies caramelized in their own salty tears.

NC: (shudders) Canned yams... Well, you two keep at it. (turns to leave) I'm gonna go film and edit this review.

HFG: Well, whatever review you have planned for Christmas Day, I'm sure it's gonna be fantastic.

(Suddenly, NC stops abruptly and turns around to face them again with a look of apprehension on his face)

NC: One of the reviews goes up Christmas Day?

HFG: Well, yeah. Isn't that the one you just finished?

NC: Yeah, but it's just...a fun one. There's nothing special or deep about it or anything. (clutches at his forehead) Oh, God, I must've gotten the dates mixed up!

Wonka: Well, what does it matter? You'll still have a fun review anyway.

NC: No, no, you don't understand! Every year, I do a heartfelt, meaningful episode! Something that the majesty of Christmas deserves!

Wonka: Did you just use "majesty" in describing your work?

NC: I can't just give something fun and entertaining on Christmas Day! Not on Christmas Day!

HFG: Oh, come on, give yourself a break.

NC: (holds up index finger) No, no! I have to do something that reflects the wholesomeness of the holiday! I'm...scrapping the other review and starting from scratch!

HFG: Oh, but what about the party?

Wonka: And The Santa Clause 3? (HFG looks at him strangely) What? I want him to suffer through like I did.

NC: No! I'll still do Santa Clause 3... Too many people have asked for it this year. ...while thinking up another movie to review. (starts to leave again)

HFG: (calling out) Just don't overexert yourself, Critic!

NC: (calling back) You two just keep working on the party while I shoot these reviews! (goes into his room)

HFG: (sighs, then turns to Black Wonka) So you've seen Santa Clause 3?

Wonka: Oh, yes.

HFG: And?

Wonka: I won't lie to you about his chances. He has my sympathies.

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