The Powerpuff Girls Movie

The Powerpuff Girls Movie
Aired	November 6, 2018
Running Time	19:46
Previous Review	Rubber
Next Review	Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Link	http://channelawesome.com/powerpuff-girls-movie-nostalgia-critic/

(After the Channel Awesome logo and the NC opening, we see NC in his room)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. The Powerpuff Girls.

(Footage of the Powerpuff Girls original show is shown, as well as its original pilot)

NC (vo): While I can't say I grew up with the show... I think I was entering college at the time... I can say I'm quite familiar with it, because...well, it was everywhere. My first introduction to it was a Space Ghost cartoon showing pilots for their then-new channel, Cartoon Network. While it looked a little different than it does now, it was still unlike anything I've ever seen. It was like a mix of Ren & Stimpy and anime. It was uniquely bizarre and adequately funny.

NC: The popularity grew so much that Warner Bros. eventually gave them their own Powerpuff Girl movie...The Powerpuff Girls Movie.

(The title of the movie is shown, before showing several clips)

NC (vo): Being the first theatrical release from Cartoon Network, this superhero beat-em-up got an astounding okay response from critics (The film's Rotten Tomatoes score is shown to be 63%), and received an amazingly adequate box office. (The film's box office results is shown to be $16.4 million USD) And the response from viewers was a phenomenal...

NC: ...cool.

NC (vo): Yeah, nobody really talks about this movie too much, and on some level, I can see why. It kind of just shows up, does its job, and then leaves your consciousness, kind of like Fish.

(Guns are immediately pointed at NC, who braces himself bravely)

NC: COME AT ME!

NC (vo): But is there more to analyze about this movie? Is there something to recognize beyond just distracting you for an hour-and-a-half? Let's hope not, or else the Madea movies will have nothing to survive on. So slap on your white socks and act like having no fingers or toes is part of being a kindergartner.

NC: ...I'm glad...somebody else had that childhood. This is The Powerpuff Girls Movie!

(The Warner Bros. logo is shown in the 4:3 resolution)

NC (vo): Ah, back when Warner Bros. thought pan and scan would be the future.

NC: (as left and right sides of the screen are cropped off to 4:3) I miss you, eye sores.

(We are shown the city of Townsville being overrun with various crimes, before we cut to a shop where Professor Utonium is at)

NC (vo): In the city of Townsville, crime is on the rise, as well as narrators talking about how crime is on the rise.

Narrator (Tom Kenny): For there is a man who looks back to a sweeter time. Everything was... (A girl at the cash register is shown being robbed at gunpoint by Fuzzy Lumpkins) ...nice.

NC: When women's eyes weren't black and white cookies. (An image of a black and white cookie is shown next to the cash girl) THE WORLD HAS CHANGED!

NC (vo): This man, the narrator simply calls the Professor...

NC: Tell me there's a fan theory connecting these two. (The pictures of the Professor from Gilligan's Island and Professor Utonium are shown)

(The Professor comes home to make a new formula to create the perfect little girl)

NC (vo): ...goes home to conduct an experiment while his lab monkey starts wreaking havoc.

(Jojo, the lab monkey, goes berserk and starts wrecking things around the lab)

NC: Hey, it's how some fans react to the new Powerpuff Girls cartoon. (The poster for the 2016 Powerpuff Girls show is shown)

(Jojo punches a clock, as we see an opening credit saying, "Animation Direction by Genndy Tartakovsky")

NC: (sarcastically scoffs) With a weird name like that, he won't go anywhere.

(The berserk Jojo suddenly pushes the Professor, causing his hand to smash into a container of Chemical X, which pours into the formula, causing an explosion which results in the creation of the Powerpuff Girls, Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup)

NC (vo): The monkey spills Chemical X into the mix and...well, you've seen the opening.

(A stunned Professor looks at the three girls, who are all smiling at him. NC becomes creeped out)

NC: Don't look at them too long. I think...

(Blossom's eyes are shown in close-up with added-in moving white eyes in the middle)

NC (vo): ...The Ring video is in their eyes.

(The Professor leaps back in shock when Blossom says "Hi" to him)

NC (vo): Yeah, like many viewers say, their look can be a little night terror-esque, but their cute personalities do shine through the more he interacts with them.

(An excited Professor quickly goes out to get gifts for the girls)

Professor (Tom Kane): I can't believe it. I wanted to make some kids that I could teach good and bad, right and wrong, and in turn, maybe they'd do some good for this terrible town, and now I can!

NC: It's nice knowing the motivation after he did the motivational thing.

(Upon coming back with gifts, the Professor discovers that the girls have powers, including being able to fly)

NC (vo): He quickly finds out that they have superpowers. (The camera focuses on the destroyed bottle of Chemical X, as the Professor realizes the cause of the girls' powers) Thank God for this slow pan over to Chemical X, or else we never would have found out what did it.

NC: Except for...the other times...

NC (vo): ...you focused on it, and the fact that it's repeated over and over in the show's opening credits.

NC: I think kids can connect the dots.

(As the Professor proudly watches the girls flying, Jojo, hiding behind a machine and having an enlarged brain and green skin, looks at them with growing anger and stalks away)

NC (vo): But the (Dubbed with an audio from Robot Chicken) stupid monkey (Normal) was affected, too, and abandons them for the time being. (The girls and the Professor are shown painting and setting up the girls' new bedroom) The girls help the Professor do everyday things like paint their room, bring in toys, and even put in some windows.

Professor: (looking at a wall) I could see some windows. I'll call a contractor tomor--

(The smiling girls' eyes suddenly turn red)

NC: (freaked out) Bet you didn't know Satan soul ate at everything nice!

(The shot of the girls smiling and their red eyes is shown with close-ups and demonic music)

NC (vo; in a devilish voice): You will bow to Beelzebub and his minions of death, and also feed us (image of...) Cookie Crisp before bedtime. The dog is cute!

(The girls use their laser eyes to create three circled windows in their room)

NC (vo): It looks like their laser eyes make the windows, and all this oddness tires them out. So they're put to bed, while the Professor comes across a picture they drew.

(After putting the girls to bed, the Professor looks and smiles at a drawing of himself and the girls. Fact: That drawing was a winner of a contest to see which fans' PPG drawing gets put in the movie)

NC: (looking confused and annoyed) Okay, the PG promised me (A close-up of the film's rating on the DVD cover is shown) non-stop frenetic animated action, which sounds more like a critic quote than a warning, but you come through on what my parental guidance is required! (A poster of the film is shown with a critic quote from Magazine Monthly, "Non-stop frenetic animated action")

(The next day, the Professor takes the girls to school at Pokey Oaks Kindergarten)

NC (vo): The next day, he takes them to school, and they're introduced to their teacher, Ms. Keane.

(The girls look at all the children in the classroom. One boy, shown in close-up and having big eyes, approaches them)

Boy: Hey, you wanna play?

(NC screams at the sight of the boy, who is shown again with an image of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs in his eyes)

NC (vo): Why does every kid's eyes look like Buffalo Bill should be staring down them?

Professor: Do you think they'll be okay? 'Cause they're really special, I mean, really special.

NC: (as Ms. Keane) Don't worry. We take all kinds of kids.

(One kid is shown to be wearing glasses and having a frozen happy expression)

NC (vo): That one in the corner, for example, hasn't blinked in days.

NC: It...still haunts my soul.

NC (vo): The kids seem to fit in fine, until they play a game of tag.

(Outside, the girls see various kids playing tag and become confused. One girl suddenly appears and taps Bubbles on the arm, shocking her)

Girl: Tag, you're it!

Bubbles (Tara Strong): Oh, no! I've been infected!

(One boy, Mitch Mitchelson, approaches them)

Mitch (Tom Kenny): (in a raspy voice) All right, what's going on here?

NC: Boy, Popeye's testicles dropped at an early age.

NC (vo): The kids show the girls how to play, and they take it...well, a little too seriously.

(Buttercup chases after Blossom and Bubbles; they all reveal they have powers by running extremely fast. Buttercup eventually reaches Bubbles and pushes her, causing her to careen out of control)

Buttercup (E.G. Daily): TAG! YOOOOOOUUUUUU'RE IT!

(Bubbles crashes into the school wall. Solemn piano music plays as NC removes his hat and a caption is shown saying, "Bubbles - Saturday-Monday". The girls take their game of tag out of the school and straight towards the city of Townsville)

NC (vo): Bubbles recovers and the girls use their superpowers to play the game, destroying chunks of the neighborhood.

(Blossom runs through the city while moving left and right in a fast pace)

NC: Well, the video game's designed. (The shot of Blossom running through the city is shown with a video game health and achievement bar) What other merchandise do we have to make?

(We see several footage of the girls playing tag around the city, with their powers of flight and speed accidentally causing massive damage to the city)

NC (vo): So, okay, while this is a cute idea, it goes on a little long. Like, a lot of little long. The whole tag sequence from beginning to end is nine minutes. Nine minutes! (The famous car chase scene from The Matrix Reloaded is shown) It's like imagining one of those pointless fight scenes in The Matrix Reloaded, except to make it even more pointless, they're just playing tag.

(A fight scene with Morpheus and the Twins is shown)

NC (vo; as both Morpheus and the Twins): You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it. You're it.

(Cut to a later scene with Morpheus about the kill the Twins)

NC (vo; as Morpheus): What if I told you...you're it!

(An explosion is shown, which kills the Twins)

NC (vo; as the Twins): Cheater!

(Back to the tag sequence)

NC (vo): Granted, the action is kind of creative, but there's no conflict outside of people just want them to stop playing tag. As a superhero movie, even for kids, it's not very exciting.

NC: (smiles) This makes me laugh, though.

(The scene cuts to inside a rather swank-looking home high above the city, where a smooth-talking gentleman is wooing a young lady. In the background outside, a car is hurtling towards the room's full-wall windows)

Smooth-Talking Man: You know, I've got a nice car.

(The scene immediately cuts to show the Professor in his car, who watches in shock as the car smashes through the house's window)

NC (vo): I'll just assume by that lack of screaming, both people are dead.

(Solemn piano music plays again as NC again takes his hat off as a caption is shown saying, "Horny Man - 1973-2002, Horny Woman - 1976-2002". The girls continue playing tag, while flying through buildings and creating a large wave in the road, sending various cars flying into the air)

NC: The funny thing is, Man of Steel fans somehow interpret this as saving the city.

(Witnessing all the destruction from his office is the Mayor of Townsville, who immediately walks out of his office in a hurry while sending his assistant Miss Bellum and other men to his side, only for the Mayor to instead walk towards a pickle cart shop nearby Townsville Hall)

NC (vo): The Mayor of Townsville sees the destruction and...in an almost minute-and-a-half buildup to a joke...

NC: They like to play the long game in this.

NC (vo): ...he gets a pickle instead of responding to the violence.

NC: Back when a politician doing that almost sounded silly.

(The camera switches back and forth between the continually tagging girls and the Mayor, slowly bringing the pickle towards his mustachioed lips)

NC: Ah, that classic "Mayor slowly putting pickle closer to his mouth while three girls destroying the city quickly rush towards you". I don't care how long you take to film it. The routine is timeless.

(The girls eventually crash into the pickle cart shop in a huge explosion that blasts everyone backwards. The Professor eventually catches the girls and takes them home)

NC (vo): The girls eventually crash into him, and the Professor runs into the girls, finally taking them home.

Professor: (carrying the girls to their bedroom) Three little girls had a very busy day today. Well, I'm glad you had so much fun, because tomorrow will be a busy day, too.

NC: (as the Professor) We're going to explain to "truthers" why what you did wasn't planned by the government.

Professor: (speaking with the girls in their bed) It's your superpowers. I don't think you should use them in public anymore. Just give Townsville a little time to understand your specialness.

NC: We're gonna try and beat Frozen to this, but the ear worm we have is a literal ear worm. (Two images, one of a young Elsa from Frozen and the other of a Godzilla-esque monster from the TV show, are shown)

Professor: People often get scared or angry when they don't understand something special or unique.

Blossom (Cathy Cavadini): That's silly.

Professor: Well, I think so, too.

NC: Oh, and you...blew shit up! Kind of a legit reason to get mad!

(Newspapers are shown reporting the incident with the headline "Freaky Bug-Eyed Weirdo Girls Broke Everything". The next day, the girls go back to school to see that their classroom is in tatters and in the middle of construction, and Ms. Keane and the students are either uneasy or angry to see the girls)

NC (vo): The news spreads through town, and the next day, the kids are not greeted with much warmth.

Ms. Keane (Jennifer Hale): (shouting through all the construction noise) THERE WON'T BE ANY RECESS FOR A WHILE DUE TO ALL THE RECONSTRUCTION!

(A construction board falls on top of the girls' heads, as a construction worker above them yells at them)

Construction worker: Dang it! You done darn broke my board! Flangdangling consarnder!

NC: Well, that PG rating did not include Yosemite Sam language.

(The Professor is shown being confronted by the Mayor, Miss Bellum, and an angry mob, and arrested by the police, leaving the girls stranded outside the school)

NC (vo): The Professor is brought in for questioning, leaving the girls alone after school.

Blossom: (trying to reassure a crying Bubbles and an annoyed Buttercup) He probably just got held up, or,maybe the car broke, or maybe he just forgot, or... (Bows her head down) ...maybe he hates us.

NC: And here I thought Ed Helms was the worse thing to happen to tag. (The poster for the 2018 film Tag is shown)

(The girls watch several TVs showing news reports and shows talking about the incident. One TV shows a reporter interviewing two rock fans whose van had crashed. An image of Ron Jeremy is shown next to the rock fan that resembles Jeremy)

NC (vo): As more news spreads about them, shocking even Mini-Ron Jeremy, the girls feel like outcasts.

(The girls' moods are crushed even further upon witnessing the negative news reports)

NC: Don't worry. The invention of social media will balance everything out.

(The girls sadly walk through the dark city, walking past all the destruction their tag game has caused)

NC (vo): There is something I like about them not using their powers to go home, realizing what it's like to be a normal person living through their destruction. (The girls are confronted in an alley by the other recurring villains from the show, the Gangrene Gang) Things get even more intense when they're stopped by a local gang.

(The gang's leader, Ace, stares at the frightened girls, looking much more threatening and imposing than he was in the show)

NC: You know, just because they got a new member doesn't mean the Gorillaz need to do crossovers.

(Jojo suddenly appears and saves the girls by knocking the gang out with a trash can lid, before retreating into a dark bag as the girls try to talk with him)

NC (vo): But they're saved by...oh, you know... (The famous scene of King Koopa saying "Monkey" from Super Mario Bros. is briefly shown) ...and they follow him to a box he lives in.

(Jojo speaks to the girls, though his eyes are only seen from inside the bag)

Jojo (Roger L. Jackson): I dare not listen, for I have been lashed by harsh tongues for too long.

(A clip from SpongeBob SquarePants episode "One Krabs Trash", showing a fish skeleton of Smitty Werben Man Jensen speaking, is shown)

Smitty: That's disgusting.

Jojo: Because you are... (Reveals himself as lightning and thunder erupt) A FREAK?!!

NC (vo): He says his name is Jojo and, like them, he's an outcast. Head's up, this is my favorite shot in the movie.

Blossom: And if you just give people time, they'll start to understand your specialness.

Buttercup: Yeah, you just gotta believe in yourself.

(As the girls speak, an evil grin slowly grows over Jojo's face, seen only by his visible eyes and mouth)

NC: (shivers uncomfortably) That's if Helena Bonham Carter as a monkey looked so creepy.

NC (vo): So funny enough, the movie goes from a snail's pace to suddenly pretty damn fast when Jojo reveals his ideas and how the girls can help.

(Jojo and the girls are shown standing next to Townsville's active volcano, while Jojo holds a device)

Jojo: Jump in, take this device I built into the volcano. (Reveals a blueprint of his plan) Using my ideas and your powers, we will build the Help-The-Town-And-Make-It-A-Better-Place Machine.

NC: Jesus! The Micro Machine guy took over as editor!

(The girls use their powers to help Jojo build a new lair and machine on the top of the active volcano)

NC (vo): They agree to help Jojo with his plan to repair the town, even though they don't understand what the machine they're making does. (Jojo and the girls visit the Townsville zoo) As a reward, he takes them to the zoo. But he seems to have other plans than just sightseeing.

(As the girls pose for a photo next to a cage full of monkeys, Jojo makes the girls move away, then uses the camera to take a picture of a monkey's butt)

NC: It's funny because butts. (Beat) I've always wanted to go to a commercial on that line.

(And indeed, we go to a commercial)