The Pest

The Pest
Released	September 12, 2019
Running Time	23:56
Previous Review	Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip
Next Review	TBA
Link	http://channelawesome.com/the-pest-nostalgia-critic/

(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the intro)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. The career of John Leguizamo has been an interesting one, to say the least.

(Stills of John Leguizamo are shown, including his roles in movies like The Happening and Super Mario Bros.)

NC (vo): Nowadays, he's respected as a very versatile actor. Even when he's in a bad film, chances are he's at least earning in a good performance. But for a while, he was that guy nobody knew what to think of or do with.

NC: He...seemed to be pushing himself as a funny man.

NC (vo): With roles like To Wong Foo, Spawn, and even the most 90s-titled sketch show of all time, House of Buggin. Why don't you just have a show called...

(A photo of a blonde man in sunglasses holding a huge phone is shown with the title...)

NC (vo; in a "cool" voice): Big Phones are Wack, Jack!

(Back to shots of Leguizamo)

NC (vo): You can't argue this guy was, and even still is, a workhorse, turning in tons of performances a year. But it still took people a while to accept him as a high-caliber actor.

NC: And maybe movies like The Pest could be the reason why.

(The title for the film is shown, followed by clips)

NC (vo): A retelling of "The Most Dangerous Game", if you want to call it that...I don't...I've been getting requests for years to review this one, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued why. From the trailers, it just seems like a run-of-the-mill forgettable bomb, but something about it rubbed people a certain way that apparently deserves to be talked about. So, what is it that propelled this box-office disappointment into the realms of cinematic infamy? (sighs) Sadly, there's only one way to tell.

NC: (puts his hands to the cheeks) Let's take a look at the highly requested and sure to be highly regretted...The Pest.

(The logo of the studio that made this movie, "The Bubble Factory", is shown. FUCKING BUBBLES!)

NC (vo): Ooh! From the studio that brought us such quality entertainment as (posters of...) Flipper, A Simple Wish, and Slappy and the Stinkers!

NC: I haven't seen that last one; I just love saying "Slappy and the Stinkers"!

(The opening credits start rolling as the R&B music begins kicking in)

NC (vo): This has to be a movie that has a record scratch in it.

(Just as said, a record scratch marks the cut to action)

NC: Twelve seconds in! I choose not to celebrate that.

(The title character, Pestario Vargas, or Pest for short, is first shown showering and singing multiple songs close to the camera)

NC (vo): As the credits roll, we see Leguizamo playing a man named Pestario...

NC: (looking glum) You know, like when Steve Martin played J. Erk... (The poster for the 1979 movie The Jerk is shown, featuring Martin's character, Navin R. Johnson)

NC (vo): ...doing his best impression of Carrot Top from Chairman of the Board.

(Pest is imitating an Egyptian while vocalizing a song heard in multiple cartoons that feature Egypt. Then cut to him imitating a Japanese person wearing glasses)

Pest: (as a Japanese person) Nice lady, I'm hurting, I'm hurting. I'm sexy, but I'm hurting.

NC: (adjusts glasses, as the shot of I. Y. Yunioshi from Breakfast at Tiffany's is shown) On behalf of Mickey Rooney, I am very offended right now.

Pest: (now wearing a vampire cloak and teeth) One stinky-dinky, ha!

NC: Who showers with all this shit?!

NC (vo): And I don't know what camera you're singing to, but can it electrocute you already?

(Pest spits out some water, and cut to...three people's legs dancing in unison in the same shower)

NC: (smiles) Okay, that's a bit funny.

Pest: (crossing eyes, high-pitched voice) I'm in the mood to scam / Simply because I can!

NC: (shakes head) I'll give the movie this: it has the fastest turnaround time for emptying a built theater.

(A photo of an empty cinema is shown)

NC: And that was at its premiere.

Pest: (walking comically to his room) Get stupid, get retarded, / 'Cause Pest'll get the party started!

NC: (hand on cheek) I don't think that Asian stereotype was offensive enough. Let's make Sean Connery blush! (James Bond as an Asian man from You Only Live Twice is shown)

(Pest is shown wearing...buck teeth, glasses with narrow eyes and huge ears)

Pest: I'm as crazy as they make 'em, shake 'em...

NC: (bemused) Connery-Schmonnery, even John Wayne would be like...

(A shot from The Conqueror is shown, with Wayne as Genghis Khan)

NC (vo; as Wayne): I don't know this guy.

(Pest appears in the living room, where his family is having breakfast)

Pest: Did somebody summon me?

NC (vo): He greets his family, who, surprisingly, find him a little annoying.

Father: I'm so proud. My son, the delivery boy. You know, your mom's birthday is coming up, huh? What are you gonna steal for her this year?

NC: Ah, Dad in his morning expositions. Couldn't we have another song and dance number--

(Pest resumes dancing and singing)

NC: (surprised) I was totally kidding!

(Pest's mother actually joins him in dancing)

NC (vo): This has to be a record for the most annoyance squeezed in its opening four minutes! (as Pest) Wait, this feels wrong. I'm sure I have some blackface to balance out the shocking with the awful!

Pest: That was nasty. I have to go to work. (makes a V sign) Love, peace and chicken grease. (leaves the house)

NC: (as a mother) Every day, I pray a bus hits him.

(We're introduced to a German hunter Gustav Shank and his accomplice Leo, played by Jeffrey Jones and Tom McCleister, riding in a car, with Gustav's head close to the camera)

NC (vo): Here's a nicely framed shot. It looks like Jeffrey Jones is about to "Pac-Man" eat a smaller clone of himself.

NC: Who am I kidding? It's probably the happy ending somehow!

Shank: The most challenging prey is often the most difficult to find. (takes out binoculars to look, and the final credit for the director Paul Miller is shown inside them)

NC (vo; as Shank): Ah-ha! Paul Miller will be our next target! I'll show him for directing (poster of...) Wizard of Oz on Ice...that was a thing? Wow.