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'''Linkara:''' ''(angrily holding up comic)'' This comic sucks! It's boring, it's dull, it doesn't make any sense, and the artwork is horrible! So, yeah, mid-'90s Image. ''(tosses comic aside)'' But now, let's step into the Wayback Machine to 1990.
 
'''Linkara:''' ''(angrily holding up comic)'' This comic sucks! It's boring, it's dull, it doesn't make any sense, and the artwork is horrible! So, yeah, mid-'90s Image. ''(tosses comic aside)'' But now, let's step into the Wayback Machine to 1990.
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''(Cut to footage of various toy-themed comics from Marvel)''
  +
  +
'''Linkara (v/o):''' You'll recall that in the mid-to-late '80s, Marvel, and the Star Comics imprint that it owned, had tons of toy tie-in comics, like "[[Transformers comics 4-5|Transformers]]", "[[ROMTROSPECTIVE: ROM Spaceknight 1-40|ROM Spaceknight]]", "[[Air Raiders 1|Air Raiders]]", "Micronauts", etc. Then a thought occurred to them: why not make a comic series with characters designed specifically to be made into toys and get toy companies to come to ''them'' for the toy license? And thus was born "Brute Force", a four-issue miniseries with one of the most crap-tastic story concepts ever envisioned by the human mind: CYBORG DOLPHINS WITH GUNS!!
  +
  +
'''Linkara:''' So let's dig into the awesomely awful ''(holds up comic of review)'' "Brute Force #1".
  +
  +
''(Cut to a closeup of the cover)''
  +
  +
'''Linkara (v/o):''' Now, this right here shows two ways to make a group shot interesting. The first: instead of running ''at'' the reader, they're running at an angle, the angle giving the illusion that they're all in a badass heroic line as they charge. It feels much more dynamic and interesting. The second: having it be ''so completely insane'' that it catches your eye instantly. Look at this, people! It's a bunch of cyborg animals! There's a cyborg dolphin with a gun! There's a freakin' cyborg kangaroo on some kinda motorcycle thing! And a cyborg bear in a tank! This was also during the age when the artists actually gave a damn about the logo of the book. The font is made to resemble animalistic qualities like fangs or claws, although what's more shocking is just the name of it: Brute Force. This is the kind of name you'd expect from a '90s-era Image comic. Hell, I could've probably put that in place of "The Others", and you wouldn't even have been able to tell the difference. ''(reads text on cover dramatically)'' "The animal kingdom joins the fight to save Planet Earth!"
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'''Linkara:''' Yes, the animal kingdom is using the most natural of weapons granted to it: the machine gun!
   
 
'''This guide is not complete. Please finish.'''
 
'''This guide is not complete. Please finish.'''

Revision as of 00:16, 25 September 2018

The Others #1 and Brute Force #1

At4w brute force by masterthecreater-768x339

Released
August 2, 2010
Running time
28:18
Previous review
Next review
Tagline
A double feature of dumb! But which is bad in its awfulness and which is awesome in its badness?
Link

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. You know, I do try to look ahead at what I'm going to review, and read through a little bit to make sure it'll suck enough for the show. The problem is, they start to blend together a bit, and let's face it, you read one horrible Image comic from the mid-'90s, and you've read them all.

(Cut to a montage of shots of comics from Image Comics)

Linkara (v/o): That doesn't mean that there isn't variation, of course. Sure, most of them are about generic super teams and idiots and misspelled names that are just ripoffs of better characters from Marvel and DC, but occasionally, you'll run across one that's slightly more original. But in the end, it's still a mid-'90s Image comic. You'll recall back in my "Doom's IV 1/2" that Rob Liefeld said that issue 0 should be the origin story for a book and that the first issue should be all action.

Linkara: We'll just chalk that up as further evidence that Rob Liefeld is a bit of a moron. Issue 0, if you're really gonna bother with it, should be a prologue that's not necessary, but can add some greater character bits, and appeal the people to pick up issue 1, which should be the origin.

(Further shots of Image Comics are shown)

Linkara (v/o): Don't get me wrong, action is good, especially in a first issue, but it should not be all action, no substance. It's difficult to get character information and story setup when you're in the middle of a fight scene. A first issue needs to make a reader want to pick up a comic the next month and stick with it, so making it nothing but action after action overloads the reader and bores them! And therein lies part of my problem today. Glancing through it, yeah, "The Others" is bad. Of course it's bad.

(A shot of a cover of "Q-Unit" is shown)

Linkara (v/o): But I keep running into these comics that are either too dull to make funny or aren't that bad.

(Another shot of a comic is shown: "Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos #1")

Linkara (v/o): However, I'm sick and tired of trying to dig up old '80s comics about action stars...

(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Fit to Win")

Linkara (v/o): ...or 22-page advertisements for old computers, so yeah, we're still gonna review "The Others #1", but that's the advertiser. That's right, a short review before we delve into the really crazy stuff I've got for you.

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up comic of review) "The Others #1" so we can just get it over with and head on to the main course.

(Theme song plays; title card has "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga playing over it; cut to a closeup of the cover of the comic for "The Others #1")

Linkara (v/o): Oh, dear Lord, this cover! I can't even call it a generic group shot because it's not like they're running at the reader or posing or anything. Noooo, it's just one group of anthropomorphic animals standing off against another. Who are our protagonists?! Who are the villains?! Who are we supposed to care about?! What is that hole in the ground?! Why is that Ewok's hand so huge?! I am so sick and tired of these lazy-ass covers! What moron looked at this cover and said, "Oh, hell, yeah, this is gonna get noticed by the comic-buying public! This is the thing that's gonna make Image Comics the best in the industry!" There is no thought to this cover, no poetry or style in its artwork. It's a bunch of creatures with their mouths open. That's it! That's all you can say about it! You know, if you don't even care about the cover, if you don't want to even try to make it something spectacular, why not just forget about it and print the first page of the comic as the cover?!

Linkara: After all, it gives you one more page to be added to the story. Mind you, it would just go to waste with the rest of the comic, but I'm just sayin'...

(Cut to a shot of a cover of another Image comic: "ShadowHawk")

Linkara (v/o): Oh, and while this may be an issue 1, it's one of those Image books that spun out of another Image book. In this case, the Others are from "ShadowHawk".

(Cut to the first page of the Others comic, showing the credits and the opening expositionary prologue)

Linkara (v/o): According to the four paragraphs of exposition given on the title page, the creatures of myth and legend – they don't specify, but I'm guessing your griffins, your manicorns, all that crap – of ancient civilizations did in fact exist, but humanity drove them away, to the point where they now reside under the surface of the Earth in Antarctica, where they have their own little humble hamlet called The Enclave. Recently, however, some Air Force pilots were running a routine mission near their home... According to Twitter, it must have been a scientific mission, since the Antarctic Treaty prohibits active military use in Antarctica... and they were shot down by the xenophobic animal people called The Many. However, a fringe group of The Many called The Others have brought back the wounded pilots to the enclave, and that's where we are now.

Linkara: Apparently, a lot of this happened in issue 0, because why in the world would we want the storytelling engine, the characters and premise all laid out in the first issue?

Linkara (v/o): Seriously, why not just call that one issue 1? Anyway, we open to the King of the Many called King Skyglider, who seems to be falling ill. He has at his side his aide Thrall. Thrall is literally a snake with a samurai helmet on his head. I'd question the functionality or purpose of a helmet on a snake, but more so, I wonder how it got the helmet on its head when it has no arms. Its tail, maybe? I don't know. Anyway, King Bird-Guy is getting sick, and the oh-so-trustworthy-looking snake tells him to take a rest, and they'll handle the situation with the humans. We check outside, where we see the two groups from the cover facing off. Ah, goody! We needed this two-page spread to remind us what these guys looked like. I mean, the cover was only like, what, two pages ago? And they managed to fit it all on one! This isn't padding at all, it's very important!

Lion-like creature: Traitors of your race, prepare to suffer your fate!

Wolf-like creature: Perhaps this day your own traitorous ways stand revealed!

Linkara: (as Anakin Skywalker) From my point of view, the Jedi are evil... (stops himself) Oh, wait...

Linkara (v/o): I can only assume the guys on the left are the so-called "Others", since they have the humans down there. And thus begins our big fight scene four pages into the comic without knowing anybody's names. Oh, well, they do start calling each other by their names, but it's in the middle of a fight scene, it's supposed to be exciting, so our minds can't process these names right away. We have this woman, Racket, who proudly declares that she's going to fly up and get a better view... aaaand proceeds to stay at the exact same altitude in the next panel and shoot Venn diagram beams. Next is Guardd, with two Ds, who I guess is supposed to be a lion guy, but in this panel, he's changing into a werewolf? The hell? And then there's this insect guy named Klone, spelled with a K instead of a C.

(Because Poor Literacy is... KEWL)

Linkara (v/o): It doesn't even make any sense! Is he a clone? If not, why the hell are you naming him "Klone"?! The overmuscled fish guy, who I think is a bad guy, picks up the huge-handed Ewok and tosses him at Racket, who's suddenly flying low enough to the ground for them to be able to do that... Hey, Racket, does your spine feel like returning to normal at some point? Then the dinosaur guy– HOLY CRAP, HE JUST PUNCHED THE FISH GUY'S HEAD OFF! Oh, wait, no, he didn't, it was just nonsensical motion lines and he's perfectly alive. By the way, Racket looks perfectly human, so why is she hanging around with the animal society? Well, okay, that hair of hers isn't quite so human.

Linkara: I guess the Bride of Frankenstein look was really big in the Enclave.

Linkara (v/o): The point of the boring fight is that the Others are swiftly defeated in a nonsensical and boring fashion and&nash; (gets a look at Racket's full face) HOLY CRAP, KANGAROO LADY! What the hell is up with face?! Erm, anyway, all of them are down except for Guardd with two Ds. Seriously, why does this have two Ds in it?! What does the other D do?!

Wolf-like creature: Oh, how the mighty have fallen, eh, Guardd?!

Guardd: MOOOONNNNGRREELLLL!

(Cut to a clip of The Simpsons, showing Rainier Wolfcastle anguished over Skoey's murder)

Rainier: (looking up in anger) MENDOZAAAA!!

(Back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Up above them, a helicopter finds the wreckage of the crashed helicopter. Scene is pointless! Next, what I think is a wolf guy comes to see the ailing king... oh, wait, it's Mongrel... who, despite the fact that he's a comic book character, is ACTUALLY OVERACTING. Seriously, he's flailing around on the bed and just milking his scene for all it's worth. Bringing back the ludicrous clothes for a second, what purpose on a wolf man does a big, flowing, purple cape with a HUGE COLLAR serve? Anyway, to make a boring conversation short, the king's advisers decide to make Mongrel into the new king while the real king remains ill. Yes, this brave, isolated culture lacks an actual line of succession in case this sort of thing might happen. Real forward thinking there, guys!

Linkara: While we're questioning the logic here, how come there are so many different species here? And why do they keep referring to their group as if they're the same species? In fact, I don't think we've seen two people from the same animal family in this comic!

Linkara (v/o): Is everybody in this civilization some sort of mutated hybrid race that just happens to look like different animals? Aw, screw it, let's just get this thing over with. With Mongrel in charge, he loudly discusses his evil plans with Thrall, saying he's going to wage war with the humans. Nearby, a little bunny girl, who also happens to be wearing a little pink dress – subtle, overhears and runs off to rescue Guardd and the Others. In the dungeon, the Others are chained up to a wall, begging the question of why a civilization that has advanced weapons technology is still utilizing stone structures and medieval methods of detainment. Okay, this is so boring and uneventful, I'm just gonna list off what happens: Mongrel monologues to himself and interrogates the humans; King Bird Guy has a dream about the history of their society... and something happening in the future; Bunny Girl knocks out the guard with a stick – I guess rabbits have untapped upper body strength; the Others escape; Mongrel monologues and takes the Others' super-duper special weapons.

Linkara: (angrily holding up comic) This comic sucks! It's boring, it's dull, it doesn't make any sense, and the artwork is horrible! So, yeah, mid-'90s Image. (tosses comic aside) But now, let's step into the Wayback Machine to 1990.

(Cut to footage of various toy-themed comics from Marvel)

Linkara (v/o): You'll recall that in the mid-to-late '80s, Marvel, and the Star Comics imprint that it owned, had tons of toy tie-in comics, like "Transformers", "ROM Spaceknight", "Air Raiders", "Micronauts", etc. Then a thought occurred to them: why not make a comic series with characters designed specifically to be made into toys and get toy companies to come to them for the toy license? And thus was born "Brute Force", a four-issue miniseries with one of the most crap-tastic story concepts ever envisioned by the human mind: CYBORG DOLPHINS WITH GUNS!!

Linkara: So let's dig into the awesomely awful (holds up comic of review) "Brute Force #1".

(Cut to a closeup of the cover)

Linkara (v/o): Now, this right here shows two ways to make a group shot interesting. The first: instead of running at the reader, they're running at an angle, the angle giving the illusion that they're all in a badass heroic line as they charge. It feels much more dynamic and interesting. The second: having it be so completely insane that it catches your eye instantly. Look at this, people! It's a bunch of cyborg animals! There's a cyborg dolphin with a gun! There's a freakin' cyborg kangaroo on some kinda motorcycle thing! And a cyborg bear in a tank! This was also during the age when the artists actually gave a damn about the logo of the book. The font is made to resemble animalistic qualities like fangs or claws, although what's more shocking is just the name of it: Brute Force. This is the kind of name you'd expect from a '90s-era Image comic. Hell, I could've probably put that in place of "The Others", and you wouldn't even have been able to tell the difference. (reads text on cover dramatically) "The animal kingdom joins the fight to save Planet Earth!"

Linkara: Yes, the animal kingdom is using the most natural of weapons granted to it: the machine gun!

This guide is not complete. Please finish.