FANDOM


The Others #1 and Brute Force #1

At4w brute force by masterthecreater-768x339

Released
August 2, 2010
Running time
28:18
Previous review
Next review
Tagline
A double feature of dumb! But which is bad in its awfulness and which is awesome in its badness?
Link

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. You know, I do try to look ahead at what I'm going to review, and read through a little bit to make sure it'll suck enough for the show. The problem is, they start to blend together a bit, and let's face it, you read one horrible Image comic from the mid-'90s, and you've read them all.

(Cut to a montage of shots of comics from Image Comics)

Linkara (v/o): That doesn't mean that there isn't variation, of course. Sure, most of them are about generic super teams and idiots and misspelled names that are just ripoffs of better characters from Marvel and DC, but occasionally, you'll run across one that's slightly more original. But in the end, it's still a mid-'90s Image comic. You'll recall back in my "Doom's IV 1/2" that Rob Liefeld said that issue 0 should be the origin story for a book and that the first issue should be all action.

Linkara: We'll just chalk that up as further evidence that Rob Liefeld is a bit of a moron. Issue 0, if you're really gonna bother with it, should be a prologue that's not necessary, but can add some greater character bits, and appeal the people to pick up issue 1, which should be the origin.

(Further shots of Image Comics are shown)

Linkara (v/o): Don't get me wrong, action is good, especially in a first issue, but it should not be all action, no substance. It's difficult to get character information and story setup when you're in the middle of a fight scene. A first issue needs to make a reader want to pick up a comic the next month and stick with it, so making it nothing but action after action overloads the reader and bores them! And therein lies part of my problem today. Glancing through it, yeah, "The Others" is bad. Of course it's bad.

(A shot of a cover of "Q-Unit" is shown)

Linkara (v/o): But I keep running into these comics that are either too dull to make funny or aren't that bad.

(Another shot of a comic is shown: "Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos #1")

Linkara (v/o): However, I'm sick and tired of trying to dig up old '80s comics about action stars...

(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Fit to Win")

Linkara (v/o): ...or 22-page advertisements for old computers, so yeah, we're still gonna review "The Others #1", but that's the advertiser. That's right, a short review before we delve into the really crazy stuff I've got for you.

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up comic of review) "The Others #1" so we can just get it over with and head on to the main course.

(Theme song plays; title card has "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga playing over it; cut to a closeup of the cover of the comic for "The Others #1")

Linkara (v/o): Oh, dear Lord, this cover! I can't even call it a generic group shot because it's not like they're running at the reader or posing or anything. Noooo, it's just one group of anthropomorphic animals standing off against another. Who are our protagonists?! Who are the villains?! Who are we supposed to care about?! What is that hole in the ground?! Why is that Ewok's hand so huge?! I am so sick and tired of these lazy-ass covers! What moron looked at this cover and said, "Oh, hell, yeah, this is gonna get noticed by the comic-buying public! This is the thing that's gonna make Image Comics the best in the industry!" There is no thought to this cover, no poetry or style in its artwork. It's a bunch of creatures with their mouths open. That's it! That's all you can say about it! You know, if you don't even care about the cover, if you don't want to even try to make it something spectacular, why not just forget about it and print the first page of the comic as the cover?!

Linkara: After all, it gives you one more page to be added to the story. Mind you, it would just go to waste with the rest of the comic, but I'm just sayin'...

(Cut to a shot of a cover of another Image comic: "ShadowHawk")

Linkara (v/o): Oh, and while this may be an issue 1, it's one of those Image books that spun out of another Image book. In this case, the Others are from "ShadowHawk".

(Cut to the first page of the Others comic, showing the credits and the opening expositionary prologue)

Linkara (v/o): According to the four paragraphs of exposition given on the title page, the creatures of myth and legend – they don't specify, but I'm guessing your griffins, your manicorns, all that crap – of ancient civilizations did in fact exist, but humanity drove them away, to the point where they now reside under the surface of the Earth in Antarctica, where they have their own little humble hamlet called The Enclave. Recently, however, some Air Force pilots were running a routine mission near their home... According to Twitter, it must have been a scientific mission, since the Antarctic Treaty prohibits active military use in Antarctica... and they were shot down by the xenophobic animal people called The Many. However, a fringe group of The Many called The Others have brought back the wounded pilots to the enclave, and that's where we are now.

Linkara: Apparently, a lot of this happened in issue 0, because why in the world would we want the storytelling engine, the characters and premise all laid out in the first issue?

Linkara (v/o): Seriously, why not just call that one issue 1? Anyway, we open to the King of the Many called King Skyglider, who seems to be falling ill. He has at his side his aide Thrall. Thrall is literally a snake with a samurai helmet on his head. I'd question the functionality or purpose of a helmet on a snake, but more so, I wonder how it got the helmet on its head when it has no arms. Its tail, maybe? I don't know. Anyway, King Bird-Guy is getting sick, and the oh-so-trustworthy-looking snake tells him to take a rest, and they'll handle the situation with the humans. We check outside, where we see the two groups from the cover facing off. Ah, goody! We needed this two-page spread to remind us what these guys looked like. I mean, the cover was only like, what, two pages ago? And they managed to fit it all on one! This isn't padding at all, it's very important!

Lion-like creature: Traitors of your race, prepare to suffer your fate!

Wolf-like creature: Perhaps this day your own traitorous ways stand revealed!

Linkara: (as Anakin Skywalker) From my point of view, the Jedi are evil... (stops himself) Oh, wait...

Linkara (v/o): I can only assume the guys on the left are the so-called "Others", since they have the humans down there. And thus begins our big fight scene four pages into the comic without knowing anybody's names. Oh, well, they do start calling each other by their names, but it's in the middle of a fight scene, it's supposed to be exciting, so our minds can't process these names right away. We have this woman, Racket, who proudly declares that she's going to fly up and get a better view... aaaand proceeds to stay at the exact same altitude in the next panel and shoot Venn diagram beams. Next is Guardd, with two Ds, who I guess is supposed to be a lion guy, but in this panel, he's changing into a werewolf? The hell? And then there's this insect guy named Klone, spelled with a K instead of a C.

(Because Poor Literacy is... KEWL)

Linkara (v/o): It doesn't even make any sense! Is he a clone? If not, why the hell are you naming him "Klone"?! The overmuscled fish guy, who I think is a bad guy, picks up the huge-handed Ewok and tosses him at Racket, who's suddenly flying low enough to the ground for them to be able to do that... Hey, Racket, does your spine feel like returning to normal at some point? Then the dinosaur guy– HOLY CRAP, HE JUST PUNCHED THE FISH GUY'S HEAD OFF! Oh, wait, no, he didn't, it was just nonsensical motion lines and he's perfectly alive. By the way, Racket looks perfectly human, so why is she hanging around with the animal society? Well, okay, that hair of hers isn't quite so human.

Linkara: I guess the Bride of Frankenstein look was really big in the Enclave.

Linkara (v/o): The point of the boring fight is that the Others are swiftly defeated in a nonsensical and boring fashion and&nash; (gets a look at Racket's full face) HOLY CRAP, KANGAROO LADY! What the hell is up with face?! Erm, anyway, all of them are down except for Guardd with two Ds. Seriously, why does this have two Ds in it?! What does the other D do?!

Wolf-like creature: Oh, how the mighty have fallen, eh, Guardd?!

Guardd: MOOOONNNNGRREELLLL!

(Cut to a clip of The Simpsons, showing Rainier Wolfcastle anguished over Skoey's murder)

Rainier: (looking up in anger) MENDOZAAAA!!

(Back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Up above them, a helicopter finds the wreckage of the crashed helicopter. Scene is pointless! Next, what I think is a wolf guy comes to see the ailing king... oh, wait, it's Mongrel... who, despite the fact that he's a comic book character, is ACTUALLY OVERACTING. Seriously, he's flailing around on the bed and just milking his scene for all it's worth. Bringing back the ludicrous clothes for a second, what purpose on a wolf man does a big, flowing, purple cape with a HUGE COLLAR serve? Anyway, to make a boring conversation short, the king's advisers decide to make Mongrel into the new king while the real king remains ill. Yes, this brave, isolated culture lacks an actual line of succession in case this sort of thing might happen. Real forward thinking there, guys!

Linkara: While we're questioning the logic here, how come there are so many different species here? And why do they keep referring to their group as if they're the same species? In fact, I don't think we've seen two people from the same animal family in this comic!

Linkara (v/o): Is everybody in this civilization some sort of mutated hybrid race that just happens to look like different animals? Aw, screw it, let's just get this thing over with. With Mongrel in charge, he loudly discusses his evil plans with Thrall, saying he's going to wage war with the humans. Nearby, a little bunny girl, who also happens to be wearing a little pink dress – subtle, overhears and runs off to rescue Guardd and the Others. In the dungeon, the Others are chained up to a wall, begging the question of why a civilization that has advanced weapons technology is still utilizing stone structures and medieval methods of detainment. Okay, this is so boring and uneventful, I'm just gonna list off what happens: Mongrel monologues to himself and interrogates the humans; King Bird Guy has a dream about the history of their society... and something happening in the future; Bunny Girl knocks out the guard with a stick – I guess rabbits have untapped upper body strength; the Others escape; Mongrel monologues and takes the Others' super-duper special weapons.

Linkara: (angrily holding up comic) This comic sucks! It's boring, it's dull, it doesn't make any sense, and the artwork is horrible! So, yeah, mid-'90s Image. (tosses comic aside) But now, let's step into the Wayback Machine to 1990.

(Cut to footage of various toy-themed comics from Marvel)

Linkara (v/o): You'll recall that in the mid-to-late '80s, Marvel, and the Star Comics imprint that it owned, had tons of toy tie-in comics, like "Transformers", "ROM Spaceknight", "Air Raiders", "Micronauts", etc. Then a thought occurred to them: why not make a comic series with characters designed specifically to be made into toys and get toy companies to come to them for the toy license? And thus was born "Brute Force", a four-issue miniseries with one of the most crap-tastic story concepts ever envisioned by the human mind: CYBORG DOLPHINS WITH GUNS!!

Linkara: So let's dig into the awesomely awful (holds up comic of review) "Brute Force #1".

(Cut to a closeup of the cover)

Linkara (v/o): Now, this right here shows two ways to make a group shot interesting. The first: instead of running at the reader, they're running at an angle, the angle giving the illusion that they're all in a badass heroic line as they charge. It feels much more dynamic and interesting. The second: having it be so completely insane that it catches your eye instantly. Look at this, people! It's a bunch of cyborg animals! There's a cyborg dolphin with a gun! There's a freakin' cyborg kangaroo on some kinda motorcycle thing! And a cyborg bear in a tank! This was also during the age when the artists actually gave a damn about the logo of the book. The font is made to resemble animalistic qualities like fangs or claws, although what's more shocking is just the name of it: Brute Force. This is the kind of name you'd expect from a '90s-era Image comic. Hell, I could've probably put that in place of "The Others", and you wouldn't even have been able to tell the difference. (reads text on cover dramatically) "The animal kingdom joins the fight to save Planet Earth!"

Linkara: Yes, the animal kingdom is using the most natural of weapons granted to it: the machine gun!

Linkara (v/o): The only way they could make this ludicrously awesome is if there were cyborg bees with electric guitars! (the comic opens to the first page) We open to a bunch of clowns storming a research lab. No, seriously, it's clowns that are attacking.

Narrator: The MultiCorp Ecology Center, New Jersey-- Bio-Enhancement Division...

Linkara: (narrator voice) A subsidiary of ConHuge Co.

Linkara (v/o): The clowns want to take possession of a gorilla that the head scientist, Dr. Pierce, is operating on.

Dr. Pierce: Look, I don't know who you are or why you're dressed that way, but this is a restricted area!

Linkara: Once again, we see that scientists in restricted areas are rock stupid. HE'S A CLOWN CARRYING A GUN! Why do think wagging your finger at him is gonna make him go away?!

Linkara (v/o): The clown shoves him aside, and he ponders what he could do.

Dr. Pierce: (thinking) Laser welder? No-- not against these men. They may act like fools, but they're professional enough.

Linkara: Yes, dressing up in brightly-colored clothes, clown makeup – with the clown nose, too – and a tiny derby is clearly the most professional way they could be doing this.

Linkara (v/o): They start to take the gorilla off of its tranquilizers, and it of course immediately rises and attacks the clowns. By the way, check out the fact that the gorilla is wearing the cyborg armor, along with spiked wristbands, spikes on the forearms, and fully-stocked bandoliers!

Linkara: All in the name of science!

Linkara (v/o): The clowns manage to knock out the gorilla with a dart gun. This does beg the question of why the heads are left exposed anyway, but we'll let that slide because CLOWNS JUST KNOCKED OUT A CYBORG GORILLA. Dear Lord, I love comic books! Seriously, name one other medium where you can say that's happened! The clown with the goatee stops Dr. Pierce from hitting the alarm.

Clown with goatee: Before you press that alarm button, just think of all the good work you've still to do--all those seas and skies to keep clean, all those rain forests to save...

Linkara: (as this clown) All those puppies that still need rocket launchers attached to them.

Linkara (v/o): By the way, anyone else find it weird that the clown's goatee is perfectly clean, despite the amount of makeup on the rest of his face? The clowns depart, and we cut to MultiCorp World Headquarters.

Narrator: One of the USA's biggest and most powerful corporations, with countless assets, hundreds of subsidiaries, fingers in every lucrative pie going-- and an excellent public relations department.

Linkara: Giant checks, the greatest indicator of trustworthiness in a company.

Linkara (v/o): Oh, and check out the logo of MultiCorp. It's either giving the world a hug or "We hold the world in our hands, so don't screw with us." The president of MultiCorp, Mr. Frost, is handing over a $50,000 check to the Fresh Air Environmental Group.

Mr. Frost: MutliCorp--unlike some other corporations I could mention...

Linkara: (as Mr. Frost, coughing) British Petroleum...

Mr. Frost: ...is fully committed to protecting our environment. Every year, we plow millions of dollars back into this battered and beleaguered planet of ours, helping to endure* the health and prosperity of future generations...

  • NOTE: Mr. Frost actually says "ensure", not "endure".

Linkara: (as Mr. Frost) We also plow millions of tons of oil into the oceans. Clean, natural oil.

Linkara (v/o): The other scientists at the press conference starts talking about their new research center, the Habitat, while Frost is told of the gorilla being stolen. Pierce wants to call the police or the Army.

Frost: No. No police.

Pierce: What? We have to tell them--

Frost: Tell them what? That we built a super-powered gorilla and lost him to a bunch of clowns?

Linkara: Well, when you say it like that, it almost sounds absurd and silly.

Linkara (v/o): Frost says that he doesn't want his company's image ruined by making the theft public.

Frost: Its corporate image is everything! I will not have it tarnished by scandal, mocked and ridiculed by the gutter press!

Linkara: In that case, maybe you shouldn't have signed off on the killer cyborg gorilla funding.

Frost: We must keep our own house in order! You are to say nothing, do nothing!

Linkara (v/o): Enraged that a corporate president wants to keep their own house in order to preserve their image to the public, Dr. Pierce rips off his logo and crumples it up! Oh, you can just see the seething rage! How dare that president of the company be concerned about his company! Later, at the MultiCorp labs, Dr. Pierce is watching a news report.

Reporter: This is just one of many small villages left in ruins as the Flex Corporation's bulldozers roll on!

Linkara: Shouldn't the bulldozers be clearing away the ruins?

Reporter: (to a bulldozer operator) Sir, is it true that mercenaries have been employed specifically to clear the way for your machines?

Linkara: (as bulldozer operator) Uh, no speak-a the English. (looks around)

Bulldozer operator: Hey, those people was in the way of progress! An offer was made and they moved, simple as that. Dunno nothin' about no mercenaries!

Linkara: (as bulldozer operator) Now, if you'll excuse me, (holds up a huge machine gun and cocks it) I got some more "offers" to make.

Reporter: "We've lost sight of what's important," said one professor.

Linkara: Like putting laser guns on chipmunks!

Reporter: "We're sacrificing our future for a few acres of grazing land for cattle."

Linkara: I notice that no one ever gives a crap about the poor cows in this equation. They're stuck in the middle here.

Reporter: Can we help? I, for one, hope so. This is Alison Fitzpatrick reporting for Environment Watch at one!

Linkara: And yet, that news report still had a lot less bias than what I'm used to in mainstream news.

Linkara (v/o): Dr. Pierce ponders how all seems lost nowadays.

Dr. Pierce: It was going to be so perfect--a group of six intelligent bio-enhanced animals to help preserve their environments! Then it all fell apart! It looked fine on paper...

Linkara: (as Dr. Pierce) Yes, the plan I wrote down made so much sense!

(To a "ta-da" sound, cut to a drawing of an equation that basically reads "WILD ANIMALS + DEADLY WEAPONS = [sun shining down on flowers]"; cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Oh, and our happy scientist starts talking to the animals, saying he doesn't want to inflict the process on living animals, that the gorilla was an exception, because it was already dying and needed the armor to survive. Dr. Pierce's son comes in with some fast food, much to the doctor's annoyance.

Pierce: Tastee Burgers are owned by Flex, that corporation involved in that South American rain forest clearance. People are paying for those burgers with their homes, maybe even their LIVES!

Linkara: I love the implication that McDonald's has its own special ops division for clearing away "unwanted" areas for grazing land.

Pierce's son: But Dad, Tastee Burgers are cool! Tastee Tony says so and he's neat!

(Cut to a quick clip of Doctor Who, showing the Cyber Leader)

Cyber Leader: There is logic in what he says.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): Yeah, great parenting there, Pierce. Your kid believes the fast food mascot's opinion on fast food. However, this is actually a plot point, for Dr. Pierce sees Tastee Tony and recognizes that he looks like the same clowns that took the gorilla!

Pierce: But if they work for Flex, and Flex is clearing rain forests, then-- that's where they've taken him!

(Linkara stares in stunned silence, then the Cyber Leader is shown again)

Cyber Leader: There is logic in what he s–

Linkara: NO, THERE ISN'T!! All you know is that the clowns were dressed up like him, which is already pretty stupid if they do work for the company! Next, how the heck do you know the gorilla was brought to the rain forest?!

Linkara (v/o): Seems to me that taking the gorilla into the area with lots of reporters and fires and destruction is in fact one of the dumbest things they could do! Dr. Pierce says that his own creation is going to help damage the environment. Why would they do that? They got perfectly functional bulldozers and matches; what do they need the cyborg gorilla for? Dr. Pierce, feeling that this is his responsibility, decides to screw the whole ethical dilemma thing and upgrade his animals. He puts a helmet on the kangaroo, increasing its mental abilities so that it can speak.

(Cut to the obligatory panel from Superman At Earth's End, showing the obligatory shot of...)

Hitler Clone: Of course. Don't you know anything about science?

(Back to the earlier comic)

Linkara (v/o): Okay, it doesn't matter how smart they are; if they don't have the right equipment for speech, they ain't talking! By the way, let's talk racism here. Note how four out of five of these animals are mammals? Do we not care about the fish? Yeah, I guess the dolphins are supposed to fill that niche, but they're still mammals. And no insects or reptiles? I guess their opinions on the rain forest are irrelevant. Anyway, without letting us see the animals discovering their newfound intelligence and whatnot, Dr. Pierce fits them all with the armor.

Linkara: One wonders how he got the armor on the lion without it biting his hands off.

Pierce: I take it the general opinion is you like your human-level intelligence...

Linkara: You'll recall that "human-level intelligence" is what got us into this mess to begin with.

Pierce: ...new powers and new code-names, and like the idea of being a team...of being Brute Force!

Linkara (v/o): I wonder what he would've done if it turned out that they actually hated it.

Pierce: Well, I don't particularly like the idea of using you in this way, no matter what you might think.

Linkara: Then maybe you should've just ignored your boss' orders and WARNED THE POLICE, NIMROD!

Pierce: We still have a rogue gorilla to bring home. Look upon this as a test. Do well and I'll consider letting you keep the suits!

Bear: I keep suit anyway if I want.

Pierce: I don't think so, Wreckless. Without me to service the suits regularly they'll just break down!

Linkara: Ah, he wants to play God with his creations. Now he's sounding like a scientist!

Linkara (v/o): Meanwhile, a shadowy man and his henchman talk about how in fact Flex was subcontracted by another evil force to steal the suits, and even they think that the way they handled it was moronic. I'm guessing the head of CoHugeCo. is responsible for this. I know it doesn't make any sense in terms of real-world logic, but I'm using this comic's idea of it. The team is flown down to the Amazon to begin their mission.

Pierce: Sorry about the rough ride, guys, but at least we're here.

Wreckless: Too hot. Suit's too itchy. I want to go home!

Lion: Me, too!

Linkara: Apparently, human-level intelligence makes you whiny.

Linkara (v/o): They argue for a bit over who gets to be the leader and what their names should be. I, however, do not care about their names and will just refer to them by animal. Also, the kangaroo is listening to music and has sunglasses on, for some reason, and is speaking in faux jive talk.

Kangaroo: Dig that crazy beat!

Linkara: (as kangaroo, pretending to listen to music) Yeah, you and me can ride a bad romance!

Linkara (v/o): However, the kangaroo spots the gorilla being transported nearby in a jeep – how convenient – and gets them to stop arguing for two seconds. The dolphin leads the charge... and promptly falls down because he's not used to walking, causing the bear to fall on him in turn. The dolphin aims its high-pressure water cannon at the escaping jeep, but the bear jumps ahead, intent on using his "bearzooka". As such, he gets hit by the water cannon and is sent into a wall.

Linkara: Wow, these guys really suck at this.

Linkara (v/o): Seriously, Marvel thought these guys would make great toys? They're a danger to themselves and others! Meanwhile, the jeep arrives at the mercenary camp and decide to set the gorilla loose on a nearby tribe that's managed to resist the efforts to remove them. Naturally, one panel later, a few minutes have past, and Brute Force arrives to find the slaughtered remains of the mercenaries. Not the brightest bunch, were they? Oh, and get this: the animals are Transformers, too! The dolphin can turn into a little go-kart, the bear and kangaroo have these moving siege towers, and the lion is a motorcycle! You know, I don't think Dr. Pierce ever thought of using his happy inventions to help... oh, I don't know, people who are wheelchair-bound or something! Our animal friends find the gorilla, the eagle spotting him first. The gorilla tosses a tree at the eagle.

Eagle: Nasty! But with these eye lasers-- he's ineffectual!

Linkara (v/o): Wait, what?!

Linkara: (confused) When the hell did Dr. Pierce replace their eyes with laser-shooting versions? Or does intelligence grant eagles the ability to shoot lasers from their eyes?

(Cut to a black screen with the word "WARNING" on it in red)

Linkara (v/o): Ladies and gentlemen, what follows is perhaps even more awesome than the classic scene of...

(Cut to a panel of what Linkara describes...)

Linkara (v/o): ...the giant robot Neutro riding on the back of a whale. Your jaws may be injured when they hit the floor.

(The following words pop up...)

Linkara (v/o): ROBO BEAR VS. CYBER GORILLA!!!

(Panels of this fight are shown briefly, set to "Ghost Love Score" by Nightwish)

Linkara (v/o): Meanwhile, the dolphin and kangaroo are dealing with the remaining mercenaries. Holy crap, the dolphin is even strangling a guy with his gun!

Linkara: (as dolphin) Does Flipper need to choke a bitch?

Linkara (v/o): However, the fight is interrupted by the blast from the Bearzooka.

Dr. Pierce: Those fools-- they're supposed to be saving the forest, not destroying it!

Linkara: (dripping sarcasm) Gee, it's almost as if equipping inexperienced wild animals with deadly weapons was a bad idea or something.

Linkara (v/o): The bear's natural stupidity with his weapon leads to the eagle's armor being severely damaged and the lion knocked out. They spot the gorilla being taken away by a helicopter, and the eagle abandons his armor to try to snap the cables holding it. However, without the enhanced strength of the armor, he can't get through.

Linkara: Maybe you ought to use those "laser eyes" you were so proud of a minute ago.

Linkara (v/o): Meanwhile, the jeep catches up with the last mercenary, the bearded guy from the beginning. They subsequently run their car into him like idiots!

Pierce: Oh, no! I just wanted to stop him--not hurt him! I guess the animals aren't the only ones who need to learn a bit of restraint!

Linkara: Learn to drive, you hippie!

Linkara (v/o): Fortunately, the guy is still alive. Dr. Pierce examines him and realizes the guy's outfit is actually made of an ultralight metal web formation that he recognizes. The Brute Force comes in, thinking that Pierce is going to want his armor back.

Pierce: Really? And why's that?

Wreckless: Um...Well, we lost the gorilla and blew up a bit of the forest and--

Pierce: Enough! A few mishaps aside, you did pretty well for a first outing. You sent the mercenaries packing, stopped the gorilla from reaching the village and saved the forest.

Linkara: Except for, you know, the gorilla still being in enemy hands, lots of people are dead, and the Bearzooka leveled a good chunk of rain forest.

Linkara (v/o): However, Dr. Pierce suddenly remembers that the material was one that was developed exclusively for the security division of MultiCorp ConglomCo Inc. Naturally, we cut to Mr. Frost, who indeed, as I thought, is the evil mastermind. What a twist!

Frost: The Flex Corporation was an unimportant MultiCorp asset. I've already arranged for Tastee Burgers to be sold off to a pizza franchise as of yesterday... This way no one will trace any of their shadier dealings back to us today!

Linkara: (as Frost) Yes, no one could track business deals and other arrangements that happened before that deal! (laughs evilly)

Linkara (v/o): The scientist informs him that their analysis of the neuro-enhancers is complete and that they've made their own team of deadly animals. And so, our comic ends with the reveal of the team, which includes a cyborg shark, vulture, rhino, and octopus.

Frost: No one, not even Pierce and his pathetic pets will be able to stop me once I unleash upon the world... HEAVY METAL!

Linkara: (holding up comic) This comic is absolutely awful. The story is paper-thin and nonsensical and the premise completely ludicrous. However, this is the epitome of "so bad, it's good". I really recommend checking it out, if only for Robo-Bear vs. Cyber-Gorilla. (throws down comic, gets up and leaves)

(Credits roll)

Let's see how many comments it takes before someone tells me "you should have made a joke about furries."

The animal kingdom joins the fight to save planet earth! ...And ends up blowing a small part of it.

(end)


Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.