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''(They pick up their boxes again and walk off with them)''
 
''(They pick up their boxes again and walk off with them)''
  +
  +
'''Malcolm:''' So, what brought you back to Chicago?
  +
  +
'''Rachel:''' Well, I've learned so much in California about movies, storytelling, restraining orders, and I wanted to come back here and see if you guys wanted to help me shoot my special project.
  +
  +
'''NC:''' Yeah. What's that?
  +
  +
'''Rachel:''' I wanted to do my interpretation of a Christmas classic, ''Home Alone''!
  +
  +
'''Tamara:''' Really?
  +
  +
'''Rachel:''' I feel like there are so many new directions you can take a story like that, but Hollywood doesn't understand my vision.
  +
  +
'''NC:''' ''(sighs)'' That's so like them.
  +
  +
'''Malcolm:''' [[Why is Nothing Original Anymore?|Everything has to be the same.]]
  +
  +
'''Rachel:''' So I wanted to see if you guys wanted to help me make it.
  +
  +
'''NC:''' Sure! We ought to be out here till the end of December. I guess it's plenty of time to shoot.
  +
  +
'''Rachel:''' Oh, wonderful! Now, I have to warn you: my ideas can be a little unconventional.
  +
  +
'''NC:''' ''(chuckles)'' We welcome unconventional around here. Whatever you have in mind, we are totally with you.
  +
  +
''(Cut to...Malcolm dressed like a punk with "666" written on his forhead, and NC not wearing his hat, but dressed in a shirt with sleeves torn off. Both are not looking very pleased)''
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'''Rachel:''' ''(offscreen)'' And...action.
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'''Tamara:''' ''(offscreen, sounding bored) ''Oh, no. My name is Kevin McCallister, and my house is being robbed by a satanist and a skinhead.
  +
  +
'''Malcolm:''' ''(to NC)'' What did California do to her?
  +
  +
''(NC shrugs, as if to say, "No goddamn idea". And we come to the opening!)''
   
 
{{Stub}}
 
{{Stub}}

Revision as of 17:41, December 19, 2018

The Nutcracker

Nutcracker 2009 nc

Aired
December 18, 2018
Running Time
42:13
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(After the Channel Awesome logo, cold-open on the studio's prop room, which is almost completely empty. Malcolm and Tamara are walking out, each carrying a box)

Malcolm: You know, I'm really gonna miss this place. So many pleasant memories.

Tamara: (confused) Really?

Malcolm: Well... when he didn't cover us in blood. (Tamara stares) That one time. (Tamara nods)

(NC comes out, wearing his Christmas attire and also carrying a box)

NC: You know, I know this is an adjustment, but at the same time, we've grown too big for this place, and there's a spot a lot bigger. We're gonna start off the new year with brand-new ways of torturing you!

Malcolm and Tamara: (deadpan) Yay.

Tamara: Oh, by the way, do you think we'll have time to watch that Christmas special tonight?

Malcolm: Or, at the very least, that one scene?

NC: Of course, we wouldn't miss that. We're just gonna watch it at the new location.

(Suddenly, the doorbell rings, getting everyone's attention)

NC: Now, who could that be?

(NC puts down his box, the contents of which shatter like glass, and he goes over to the front door, holding his wrist in his hand. The door opens and, much to his surprise, who should he stand standing before him but... Rachel Tietz! NC screams, and then Rachel screams. They alternate back and forth, and Malcolm and Tamara come out to see what's going on, and they scream, too, when they see who it is. They run up to NC and Rachel, and they scream and wave their arms around a la Seinfeld's "The Wallet" episode (Elaine's return). Meanwhile, Walter, Heather and Aiyanna all come out, all holding boxes. When they see what's going on, they, too, join in the screaming and waving their arms around, albeit in slight confusion)

Walter: Who is this?

(They stop screaming abruptly)

NC: Oh, uh, sorry. Walter, Heather, Aiyanna, this is Rachel! She used to work with us!

Heather: Oh, um... (She, Walter and Aiyanna start screaming again)

Tamara: The moment is passed.

Heather: Okay.

(They pick up their boxes again and walk off with them)

Malcolm: So, what brought you back to Chicago?

Rachel: Well, I've learned so much in California about movies, storytelling, restraining orders, and I wanted to come back here and see if you guys wanted to help me shoot my special project.

NC: Yeah. What's that?

Rachel: I wanted to do my interpretation of a Christmas classic, Home Alone!

Tamara: Really?

Rachel: I feel like there are so many new directions you can take a story like that, but Hollywood doesn't understand my vision.

NC: (sighs) That's so like them.

Malcolm: Everything has to be the same.

Rachel: So I wanted to see if you guys wanted to help me make it.

NC: Sure! We ought to be out here till the end of December. I guess it's plenty of time to shoot.

Rachel: Oh, wonderful! Now, I have to warn you: my ideas can be a little unconventional.

NC: (chuckles) We welcome unconventional around here. Whatever you have in mind, we are totally with you.

(Cut to...Malcolm dressed like a punk with "666" written on his forhead, and NC not wearing his hat, but dressed in a shirt with sleeves torn off. Both are not looking very pleased)

Rachel: (offscreen) And...action.

Tamara: (offscreen, sounding bored) Oh, no. My name is Kevin McCallister, and my house is being robbed by a satanist and a skinhead.

Malcolm: (to NC) What did California do to her?

(NC shrugs, as if to say, "No goddamn idea". And we come to the opening!)

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