The Next 15 Screw-Ups of Atop the Fourth Wall
December 31, 2012
See what Linkara screwed-up this time!
Linkara: Hello and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Well, Christmas is over and this video is coming out on New Year's Eve. Naturally, it's once again time to sit and reflect on what has happened before and...
(Linkara is cut off by static, and the transmission is interrupted by Douchey McNitpick)
Douchey: Hoooold it right there.
Linkara: Ah, Mr. McNitpick, haven't seen you in a while.
Douchey: Well, I was kinda scared off when you threatened me with your spaceship and all.
Linkara: Yeah, I don't do that anymore. Cosmic karma, magic, it's a whole thing now.
Douchey: Ahh, good. But that's not the only reason I haven't been around. I decided to leave after the Nostalgia Critic retired, and I was sure to post it multiple times to make sure everyone knew about it, too.
Linkara: M'kay, fine, that's your right, but then why are you here now?
Douchey: Well, who else is going to tell you morons that the site sucked since the Nostalgia Critic left?
Linkara: There are a bajillion other shows you could be watching on the site. Most of them are really good and even the ones that aren't are still watchable. I'm looking at you, Welshy.
(Enter Welshy via transmission)
Welshy: Thanks, though I can't really think of any of the shows you're talking about. None of them on the site are good and that's why the site is DYING if you believe the critics...and the people who work for the site...and the fans. Anyway, when is the next History of Power Rangers coming o...
(Welshy is cut off by static, ending his transmission)
Douchey: I wouldn't watch any of those worthless shows. Everybody but the Nostalgia Critic sucked!!!!
Linkara: Then why did you spend all your time complaining about him?
Douchey: (pauses to think of a witty comeback, only to fall flat) Doooohhh, I hate your voice.
(Douchey cuts the transmission)
Linkara: Soooo...anyway this is the Next 15 Screw-ups of Atop the Fourth Wall
(Intro to episode begins with "Everything You Know is Wrong" by Weird Al Yankovic, while showing footage from Ren and Stimpy, followed by the AT4W Intro, followed by the title card)
(The next scene is a playback of the Top 15 Screw-ups of Atop the Fourth Wall while Linkara voices over the clip)
Linkara (voiceover): So the last time we did a screw-ups list, it was pointed out that I spent a good deal of time in that video defending myself instead of actually pointing out any genuine mistakes. Eh...fair enough. The stuff that I tend to remember when it comes to my mistakes is the stuff that I get multiple repeated comments on, and when it's over something that I don't feel is a mistake, the easiest way for me to address everybody who had a problem with it was to put it on the list. As such, I'll try to keep that to a minimum and instead focus on things that I genually screwed up because of my own bottomless stupidity.
Linkara (v/o): Number 15 -- "It said PCP not Pop."
Linkara (v/o): So perhaps you all remember this little ditty.
(Cut to a clip from Linkara's review of "The New Teen Titans Anti-Drug PSA")
Debbie: ...pop and mushrooms...
Linkara: Oh my God! Not pop!! First they get you on the Pepsi and then they move you up to harder stuff like Mountain Dew!!
Linkara (v/o): Yes, partially due to the age of the comic, and partially due to my poor eyesight, I misread the text from this one and believed that it said that she was getting high on pop instead of PCP. My mistake of course and it's not the only time I've ever misread the text on the comic. Hell, occasionally, you'll notice that when I'm reading off dialogue and it doesn't match exactly what was on the page. In this case, I should have taken a closer look to ensure it was a different word.
Linkara: Although, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't have been surprised if pop was a word for drugs, especially considering the phrase "popping pills." Or, if that's not enough, just remember that we live in the world where "China cat" is a real term for heroin.
Linkara (v/o): Still, I should have known better and taken a closer look before I made the joke. Joe Friday is ashamed.
(Cut to a clip from Dragnet)
Joe Friday: And this isn't the first time. We've had you in here before. And mister, you were guilty then and you're guilty now.
Linkara (v/o): Number 14 -- "Judas Traveler's Entourage WAS In Other Comics!"
Linkara (v/o): Back in my review of "Clone Saga"'s beginnings, we were introduced to the boringly-annoying magic of Judas Traveler. But of course, it wasn't enough for us to have one mysterious character whose backstory and motivations were unclear, and they had no real plan to work with, but let's introduce an entire cadre of people with ambiguous backstories, motivations and no plans to resolve them. I made the remark in the review that these guys were so utterly pointless that they never appeared in any other comics after that one and were never brought up again. And... I was wrong, as they actually appear several more times during the Clone Saga, alongside Judas Traveler.
Linkara: I think what got me thinking in that direction was that as it pertains to the two to three years of the Clone Saga's run, their presence didn't really affect anything in the overall plot, thus making them completely pointless. I mean, Judas Traveler was a worthless character, but at least he actually did stuff in relation to the saga. It was stupid stuff, but it happened.
Linkara (v/o): The students of Judas Traveler, however, are so completely forgettable that it just slipped my mind that they ever showed up again. At the very least, I'm pretty sure they don't appear again after they wrap up Judas Traveler's storyline, which is a story I'll get to eventually in future Clone Saga videos. I mean, if you were gonna do a retrospective on the Clone Saga that hit the important parts of it, would you even bring up Judas Traveler? Even if you did, you wouldn't bring up the idiots following him because they weren't important!
(Cut to footage of Max Landis' video on "The Death and Return of Superman")
Linkara (v/o): It's like in that video Max Landis did about "The Death and Return of Superman". Mind you, there's plenty about that video I like and dislike, mostly because I actually enjoyed "The Death and Return of Superman". But there was plenty he could have commented on, I can assure you. Hey, you know who (a shot of the comic is shown, depicting a female angel and a fat guy in glasses) these people are? Of course you don't, because while they were in "The Death and Return of Superman", they had no actual impact on it.
(Back to the Clone Saga)
Linkara (v/o): And thus, the same can be said of Judas Traveler's travel buddies. However, I was wrong and they were indeed there. And that's really all that can be said about Judas Traveler's entourage. They sure did exist.
Linkara (v/o): Number 13 -- "You Didn't Know Who Angelo Was!"
Linkara: Ho, this is going back a ways. The first two-parter I did on the show was the Uncanny X-Men storyline "Holy War". And I know this may be a shock to you all, but, uh, "Holy War"... (leans in close to the camera and speaks softly) It wasn't a very good story.
Linkara (v/o): It contained many elements that, by now, people know are my recurring complaints in superhero comics, but one thing that got more people upset than me was the death of the character Angelo Espinosa, AKA the X-Men member Skin. I made several jokes at the expense of poor Angelo on the basis that I had no idea who the hell he was, which pissed off many comic fans who are fans of the character. Considering how many times I rant and rave about unnecessary, pointless deaths in comics, I really should've been more sensitive. I do apologize to those fans who may have been upset that I made the guy a punchline simply on the basis of not knowing him, since... well, I don't follow the X-Men. This brings up a point, though, that I do want to address. It's been suggested before that I'm an "expert" when it comes to comics, or that I have a "wealth of information" when it comes to the majority of comic books out there. The sad truth is that I am not in any way an expert when it comes to sequential art. Do I know a lot? Yes, but that's because of the stuff I do read. I could name off 99% of the members of the Teen Titans, because I've read most of their series, and if I haven't read them, I at least know most of the backstories. I have no formal training in comic book artwork or writing. Most of what I've learned, I've read in books or just have common sense about how a page flows as I'm reading it. In the end, I'm just a fan who really, really cares about the medium of comics.
Linkara: And as a proponent of the medium, I have just one small request of Marvel: PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP MAKING X-MEN COMICS!
Linkara (v/o): Seriously, it's bad enough that there are eight hundred kajillion X-Men out there so I didn't know who Angelo was! But the more I think about the X-Men, the less sense they make! Hell, ignore the science of the X-Men and Mutants alike; they don't make sense in the Marvel universe at all! What, super soldiers made by the U.S. government are okay, but mutants aren't? The Fantastic Four get mutated in space, but they get a free space from hate and fear? Hell, a lot of the dumber events of the Marvel universe can get traced back to the X-Men. The Superhuman Registration Act is really just an extension of the Mutant Registration Act of the X-Men. Remember that time the Scarlet Witch went nuts and made a stupid alternate reality? Or hey, how about the time the minds of Charles Xavier and Magneto formed into a giant stupid-looking villain named Onslaught, who killed the Avengers and Fantastic Four so Marvel could reboot them in a new universe under the wise talents of Rob Liefeld and Jim Lee! Remember, kids, Rob Liefeld drawing Captain America gave us (shot of the infamous drawing of Captain America by Liefeld is shown) this classic image! And all because of the X-Men!
(Cut to a shot of a comic called "The Exiles")
Linkara (v/o): Hell, of the few X-Men books I've read, the only one I've really enjoyed was "Exiles", and that was just Sliders with superheroes. And yet they still found a way to make it overly complicated and ridiculous. Hey, see this mutton chop guy? He's an amalgamation of the characters' collective thoughts and all become unstuck in time, even though they're traveling through alternate universes, not through time... but... what? Oh, wait, wait, wait! He's not a collective amalgamation of their thoughts who somehow knows everything, but actually a hologram created by a bunch of insect creatures who accidentally broke the space-time continuum inside of a palace made of pink crystals. It is sad when that is the more plausible explanation for what's going on.
Linkara: (pleadingly) Please, Marvel, stop the X-Men before they do any more damage, like... I don't know... uh, the Red Skull eating Charles Xavier's brain or something.
(But it's too late: a comic panel showing exactly what Linkara is describing (Red Skull holding up Xavier's brain) is displayed. Linkara is stunned)
Linkara: Uh... we were talking about my screw-ups, weren't we?
Linkara (v/o): Number 12 -- "Synthesiser" and "Gloucestershire"
Linkara (v/o): Back in my "Doctor Who Classics #7" video, I expressed my confusion over some pronunciations. In particular, I had issues with the aforementioned words. "Synthesiser" is just the British spelling of synthesizer and I have quite a few British fans who pointed out how stupid I sounded when it's still pronounced synthesizer. And considering Doctor Who was a British series and the comics were printed in the UK, I shouldn't be surprised that it's the British spelling and I really was stretching it too far for a joke.
Linkara: Then again, I do stretch for jokes sometimes. Hell, the main reason I picked that Doctor Who comic to review was so I can make a Thunderdome joke. And I know what you are all thinking. Come on, Linkara. Can't you just get Beyond Thunderdome? (A counter for Beyond Thunderdome jokes shows up with Linkara tallied at 2 and Spoony with 5) (slyly) Patience my friends. I'll catch up eventually.
Linkara (v/o): However, while "synthesiser" was just me going out of my way to try to make a joke, I did make a huge mispronunciation when it came to Gloucestershire, pronouncing it Glow-Cester-Shire. That one comes down to me never having to ever say the place's name ever in my entire life, but come on, give me a break here on this one! How was I supposed to get the real name out of its spelling? What the hell happened to the 'U' in the middle of the word? They put a vowel and didn't know what to do with it. And where do you get the 's' sound for the 'C' in this case? However, my ramblings about the intricacies of the English language aside, -- even though I'm sure Gloucestershire probably comes from another language since I had never had to say it before -- I really should have looked up the pronunciation. My fans, sorry about that one and I'm sorry about the "synthesiser" jokes.
Linkara: Although, hilariously enough, as I was typing this very script, Microsoft Word auto corrected the spelling of synthesizer for me and included the "Z". Makes me wonder if the UK version of Microsoft Word does the same but as synthesiser.
Linkara (v/o): Number 11 -- "Guards Don't Carry Guns in Prisons!"
Linkara (v/o): This one's pretty short, but really it's a demonstration of when I don't really think about stuff. In the "Captain America: Revenge of the Asthma Monster" comic...
(Editor's note: "That's 'Return,' not 'Revenge.' I make screw-ups in my screw-ups video.")
Linkara (v/o): ...we see the Asthma Monster making making his escape from prison.
Linkara (v/o): (audio from review) Something else I just noticed, none of the police officers are pulling guns. I see police batons and even one guy here carrying a broom, but nothing that would end this problem in a single second.
Linkara (v/o): Well, the answer to why they didn't shoot is that they don't have guns to shoot them with. Makes perfect sense that prison guards down among the masses wouldn't carry a gun that could be stolen by an inmate, especially if there is a riot or the like. Although, it does make one wonder how the hell they have control over prisoners like the Asthma Monster. Both Marvel and DC in the past have shown that their prisons have Inhibitor collars or restraints like them that could incapacitate a prisoner if need be, but sometimes they don't. It's kind of irritating in that regard when the writers don't seem to want to know what their technological level is after the universe, or when they just act stupid. You see guards not having guns so a prisoner can't steal it, that's actually kind of intelligent. However, clearly all the Asthma Monster's attack was kept at the prison so he can steal it back for his eventual escape alongside the gremlin things that he somehow met while in jail. The hell were those things in the joint for? But anyway, yeah, my mistake and I should have caught it.
Linkara (v/o): Number 10 -- "Coney Dogs"
Linkara: I think it's well-established by this point that my culinary palette is not as fulfilling as others. In fact, many vlogs, tweets, and commentaries you may have seen by my various fellow reviewers have commented on my propensity for chicken fingers and chicken tenders.
Linkara (v/o): I do eat other foods, but I tend to limit it to stuff that I like or I have a good idea that I'll like. It's not that I'm against trying new things, it's just that experiences have taught me that those new things will either be bland to my taste buds or that I'll hate them. As such, stick with what works for you is my attitude. However, during my review of "Eminem/ The Punisher", many of my viewers were shocked, perhaps even outraged, over my lack of knowledge of a Coney Dog. The citizenry of Detroit looked upon me with shame and irritation. It's really just a chili dog with specific preparation for it, but it's a popular treat in Michigan... and I had never really heard of it before. If it makes anybody feel any better, I have now had a Coney Dog, as donated by the kind people at Youmacon. Aaaaand I didn't like it.
Linkara: Yeah, I'm not really big on chili and not really big on toppings on a hot dog. In fact, the most that I ever seem to put on a hot dog is ketchup, if that. I'm actually very bland in that regard. I like cheese pizza without any other toppings, I prefer sandwiches with just meat, bread, maybe lettuce, and I would sooner set my cereal on fire than put milk in it.
Linkara (v/o): However, my lack of knowledge of a Coney Dog is my own fault and for that I apologize, people of Michigan. Please stop offering me Coney Dogs and start offering me money.
Linakra (v/o): Number 9 -- "I shouldn't talk about Archie or the Transformers without doing more research!"
Linkara: I'm not entirely certain how you people found my "Archie Giant Series Magazine #452" review. I completely forgot I had done that video. Almost as if I only recorded it a few weeks ago, when I was forty pounds heavier than I was in 2009, but whatever, it's out there.
(Cut to shots of a "Transformers Generation 2" comic)
Linkara (v/o): Many were rather upset with that review and my "Transformers Generation 2 #1" video, because it seemed like I didn't do adequate research on the material before walking into them. Actually, one particular point that a lot of people had a problem with was that I didn't know that one of the Dinobots I saw on the foldout cover was named Snarl.
Linkara: Okay, people, not only has it been years since I read the eighty issues of Marvel's Transformers comics, but even when I watched a good chunk of the original cartoon, the only one of the Dinobots who I ever gave a damn about was Grimlock. You won't forgive me if I didn't know one guy's name in a franchise that's had hundreds of Transformers!
(Cut to shots of the Archie comic Linkara had reviewed)
Linkara (v/o): Similarly, I didn't recognize a few faces from Archie Comics, mostly because I am not a reader of Archie Comics. Hell, I had to look up Reggie's name on Wikipedia. Both of these reviews had a similar thing that people feel I did: failing to do the research.
Linkara: (pointing angrily to camera) And to those people, those frustrating commenters and viewers, I have only ONE THING TO SAY... (suddenly he speaks in a calmer tone) Yeah, you're probably right.
(Cut to shots of "Archie's Christmas Stocking")
Linkara (v/o): I freely admit it, I don't care about Archie. At all. The fact that it's still alive just makes me confused as all hell. And yeah, I know it's the only comic book still sold in grocery stores of the like, but in an age where the comic book medium is continuing to struggle against various other mediums, Archie's survival is all the more baffling.
(Cut back to the Transformers comics)
Linkara (v/o): When it comes to Transformers, I'm very much a casual fan of the franchise. As such, I admit, I am not the best qualified to discuss either, and my jokes may not resonate as effectively. However, I do believe in an old adage: every comic is someone's first. While there are various ways to approach that, I take the attitude that a creative team should put more of their best efforts into every comic they write and draw, since this could be a comic that gets a reader hooked and wanting to read more. And when it came to the Archie Christmas comic and the Transformers Generation 2 comic, I felt they failed in that regard. However, I probably should've done just even just a teensy bit more research to try to figure out names and whatnot. Pretty much a failure on my account. Oh, and speaking of failures, the Pretenders Transformers were one of the most poorly executed ideas ever, so why the hell were they in a Generation 2 comic?
Linkara (v/o): Number 8 - Hard Water versus Heavy Water
Linkara (v/o): In the review of "Flash Comics #1", we learned that hard water is the source for Jay Garrick's powers and I made this joke.
(Cut to a clip of said review)
Linkara: (confused) Hard... water? They're experimenting on ice?
Linkara (v/o): And, of course, as people were quick to point out, I'm kind of an idiot. I completely forgot that hard water is an actual thing. It's water with a higher mineral content not freaking ice. I don't get how I could have forgotten about the existence of hard water when I mentioned water softeners before. However, this does point out the even more absurd premise behind Jay Garrick's powers. Hell, forget about smoking around sensitive lab equipment, according to the Golden Age, you can get superpowers due to an access of calcium deposits. You could probably get super powers from rubbing your face on a sponge.
Futurkara: We'll be back right after these messages. I should know, I'm from the future.
Futurkara: We're back now. I told you so.
Linkara (v/o): Number 7 -- "Wearing the Mobile Emitter During the Crossovers"
Linkara: Oooookaaay... I need to go out of character for this one. (takes off his glasses and begins speaking as Lewis Lovhaug)
Lewis: Last summer, in the storyline segments of the show, Linkara, the character, departed on a quest to restore his magic and left a hologram in charge of the show.
(Cut to footage of Holokara from previous videos)
Lewis (v/o): This is all well and good, but there were some hiccups with the crossovers. When it comes to storyline-related material in crossovers, I usually try to match up what's going on in the show at the time with the crossovers that are edited and released by the other producers. For example, when I appeared in Phelous' 100th episode, I was reading from the "Silent Hill: Read Bloody Tales" trade and was wearing the mobile emitter because of what was going on in the show at that time. Another example is doing a cameo for JesuOtaku's "Full Metal Alchemist" review, where you can see the Tom Servo replica looking at me. This was a subtle hint about Poyo being inside of it, as was happening in the storyline. And, during last summer, I recorded two crossovers: the Supergirl movie with the Nostalgia Chick, and Suede's review of Pokemon: The Movie 2000, along with him and JewWario. And I recorded them with the mobile emitter on my arm. Neither makes much sense with how they're written, and at some points, when they were released. It really doesn't make any sense that I'm wearing that. You can probably write off Suede's video because it was recorded earlier, and he's still possessed my memories of doing the first Pokemon movie review, but the Supergirl one is... trickier.
(Cut to footage of the Chick's review of Supergirl, on which Linkara guest-starred)
Linkara: Nope, but I'll stick around and help ya riff it in a linear fashion.
NCh: Oh, good.
Linkara: Yeah, it's a pity we didn't think to film this five days ago. (beat) When we literally saw each other.
Lewis (v/o): Yeah... the crossover was originally going to be filmed at Con Bravo, since I was traveling around and I'd be in the travel outfit and whatnot. Due to a number of factors, we didn't end up filming it until after Con Bravo, and considering it wasn't the hologram who was at Con Bravo, it made things more than a tad confusing. You can probably write off this and any other continuity errors in the storyline to the fact that we now live in a giant plot hole, but I prefer to simply be a better writer.
(Cut to Lindsay Ellis, watching)
Lindsay: And I'm sorry I didn't tell you not wear your little hologram thing from your little storyline when we filmed it.
Lewis: (holding his glasses) Ah, my own fault for not thinking of it. Oh, and say, when am I gonna get that "Supergirl" trade I loaned to you back?
Lindsay: Yeah, I figured I'd give it back to you when we shoot the next anniversary.
Lewis: Oh, okay. (beat, then becomes shocked and angry) Hey, wait a minute!
Lindsay: Oh, shoot, it's almost like we're breaking up because of static. Guess I'll talk to you later, bye! (waves goodbye)
(The picture cuts off through static)
Linkara (v/o): Number 6 -- "JMS was Against Splitting up Peter Parker and Mary-Jane Watson"
Linkara (v/o): I brought this one up during my 200th Episode, but it bears repeating, since I should assign blame where appropriate. In the "Superman #701" review, I stated that viewers were incorrect in defending J. Michael Straczynski for "One More Day". They stated that he was against splitting the two up and would have been perfectly happy letting the two continue to be married. Aaaaand I was WRONG. VERY WRONG.
(Cut to a Facebook post by "Fans of J. Michael Strazcynski")
Linkara (v/o): During a Facebook feud between JMS and Spider-Man editor Stephen Wacker, JMS made that very clear and that the decision to unmarry the two and erase every story he had written for eight years was an editorial mandate. Oh, don't we just love those? So, my saying that he bore as much blame was unfounded and I do apologize.
(Cut back to "One More Day")
Linkara (v/o): However, also in the 200th Episode, there was that scene featuring an overweight alternate Peter Parker who derived the concept of escapist fiction as being nothing more than puerile fantasy from losers who couldn't do anything with their real lives. I assumed because I had read that issues 3 and 4 had been heavily rewritten that it was most likely Joe Quesada who had done this. However, a kindly fan asked JMS about the rewrites, who said that actually most of issue 3 was pretty much as he intended, which would include that scene. You'll forgive me if I don't include the tweet where he said so, I couldn't locate it again.
Linkara: (extremely guilty) And that means I said very insulting things towards the guy who didn't want to do the story in the first place,... a guy whose writing I usually really, really like... I really like Babylon 5.
(Cut to clip from Scrubs)
Dr. Cox: I know. And your guilty anguish is so... (mimics tasting his fingers) mmm, delicious, like a little mini-meal between lunch and dinner. Quite frankly, it's all I can do not to grind pepper on your head.
Linkara (v/o): Number 5 -- "Joe Quesada isn't the one who saved Marvel comics. Avi Arad did!"
Linkara: Aaaaaaand speaking of our old pal Joe Quesada...
Linkara (v/o): I stated in the "Catwoman: Guardian of Gotham #1" review that I felt Joe Quesada helped save Marvel after its bankruptcy and build it up to where it is today. The reasoning was in running the company in relation to the movies, and the pushing of trade paperbacks into bookstores immediately after a book storyline had concluded or had similar stopping point for a trade. Well, while the emphasis on trades does seem to be a Quesada policy he had while he was editor-in-chief, he really didn't do much to save Marvel after its bankruptcy.
Linkara: And now it's time to dig out this old chestnut: (gestures toward his left and the following text appears) "Comic History You Don't Care About But Probably Need to Know in Order to Understand This".
Linkara (v/o): We have talked before about the speculator boom of the early '90s and all the horrible things done to comics related to that.
(Cut to 90s Kid)
90s Kid: Holofoil covers were collectible edition comics, trading cards and... guuuuuuuuuns!
Linkara (v/o): However, we've only briefly touched up on the guy who's actually responsible for it.
(Cut to a shot of Ron Perelman)
Linkara (v/o): This guy, Ron Perelman!
(Cut to more shots of Marvel comics, including "The New Mutants", a Perelman-era comic)
Linkara (v/o): In 1989, Ron Perelman purchased Marvel after seeing untapped moneymaking potential for the company. You have this guy to thank for raising comic prices higher than they should be, for placing greater emphasis on collectors' comics, phasing comics out of the mainstream and into a more niche market, and all of the financial decisions that eventually led to Marvel's bankruptcy and thus also the Clone Saga and eventually Marville!
(Cut to a clip of The Simpsons, showing an angry mob storming toward Jimmy Carter)
Man in mob: (pointing) He's history's greatest monster!
(Back to the comics)
Linkara (v/o): To make a long story short, the dude didn't give a rat's ass about comic books, just about the money he could make with the properties. And there's nothing wrong with making money. Hell, I'm a capitalist. The problem is that a lot of the business decisions he'd made were for short-term gain, and they're what ultimately led to the speculator boom, the failure of thousands of comic book stores, and several other crappy things! After Marvel was eventually bought again, away from Perelman's hands, then-new editor-in-chief Bob Harris tried to help the company by launching tons of new number-one issues. Sound familiar? But that's not what ultimately made Marvel the powerhouse it is today. No, the credit there belongs to former toy biz CEO Avi Arad. He and other toy biz co-owner Isaac Perlmutter purchased Marvel away from Perelman after a series of complicated negotiations as well as obtaining movie rights to several other Marvel characters. They also waited for a few more movie rights to expire on characters like Iron Man, Thor and the Hulk, and then revert back to Marvel. He then came up with a plan for Marvel to start its own movie studio at a low risk to the company, mostly because Marvel wasn't seeing a good chunk of the money from financial successes like Blade, X-Men or Spider-Man. And what did that ultimately lead to?
(Cut to a clip of the Avengers movie)
Linkara (v/o): The Avengers, and a billion-dollar movie franchise!
Linkara: So, the point I'm getting at here is that even when I'm trying to be nice to Joe Quesada... I actually don't have any reason to be.
Linkara (v/o): Number 4 -- "Heroic Spaz Attack" and "Spastic Boy Prime"
Linkara: (guiltily laughing) Oh, dear, can I get unintentionally offensive sometimes.
Linkara (v/o): Ooooookay, back when I started doing text reviews, I started a recurring gag that briefly carried over into the show, called "the heroic spaz attack", usually referring to a hero suddenly going crazed in their attack because of some perceived wrong.
(Cut to pages of "Countdown")
Linkara (v/o): Also, one of the many insulting names I came up for Superboy-Prime was "Spasticboy-Prime," based on the definition of the word as "overly excited or possessing excessive energy." However, you'll notice that I haven't used and won't be using those anymore. And it comes back to the UK for that. See, in the USA, "Spazz" has actually been historically inoffensive and you can bring it back as far as the '50s and '60s as slang for nerds or other quote unquote "uncool individuals". In the UK, however, "Spazz" is a derogatory term for "Spastic", which word generally insults regarding intelligence. However, that was bred from the word "spastic", deriving from those that suffered from cerebral palsy. And in the UK, it's still associated with it in that way. As such, it's pretty much the equivalent of calling someone retarded, an insult built around actual medical conditions. You'll notice that I don't call things retarded on this show either. We here at "Atop the Fourth Wall" want to be inclusive and not attack anyone, unless your name is Rob Liefeld, Doug Moench, Joe Quesada, Frank Miller, Gary Brodsky, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few others. It's preferred to attack people for their work being bad or possessing questionable ethics. I will attack for those reasons but certainly not for medical conditions. I will insult people because they're being dumb or moronic.
Linkara: And yes, I'm aware of the historical usage of the words "dumb" and "moron". However, those definitions are outdated and, quite frankly, my vocabulary only stretches so far. So, I need as many words for "stupid" as I can get. Although, I suppose I could start using the word "asinine". I like the multiple syllables.
Linkara (v/o): Number 3 -- "The various mistakes in the Invincible Four of Kung-Fu & Ninja #1 review"
Linkara (v/o): The last time we did a list of my mistakes, the top three were reserved for the ones I got the most comments on. While that isn't the case for the top two, it certainly is with this one...
(Cut to the "Invincible Four" comic cover)
Linkara (v/o): Oh me, oh my, oh me, were people correcting me about stuff involved with this comic, mostly in my comments on the cover of the book. I know little of Chinese mythology, so the connection of the three characters, in relation to a phoenix, a dragon and a tortoise, was lost on me. In addition, the horse-dragon-thing on Scary Eyes Ninja is most likely a mythological creature called a qilin. Also, some of the martial arts demonstrated in the comic have some bearing in real life, but a commenter suggested that it was an exaggeration of those techniques to somewhat superhuman feats. However, the big one that people seem to really want to comment on, was the spear. Oh, god, the spear!
Linkara (v/o): (audio from review) ...while the black guy has rocket nipples apparently. Check it out, pointy metal thing and fire shooting out the back. Oh, wait, I suppose that could be a spearhead breaking off of the stick, but then, why is it on fire after it hits this guy's nipple?
Linkara: I thought it was just a funny line because, honestly, (gestures toward a shot of the nipple in the upper-left corner) it looks like fire in the general shape and the red color and everything, but... whatever. Many people wanted to tell me about this, that it's actually a decoration for the spear. People also wanted to tell me, (makes "finger quotes") "I know someone else has already told you about this, so I'm going to tell you again anyway."
(Cut to shots of the actual comic itself)
Linkara (v/o): Okay, much like how every comic is someone's first, every episode of "Atop the Fourth Wall" is someone's first, so let me just reemphasize a point: I read every comment. I read every comment. EVERY COMMENT. Sure, months later, I'm not still reading comments on an episode from a year or two back on "That Guy With the Glasses". But on my blog, I have to approve every comment that appears, just because I want to make sure I never miss a comment made there. Hell, if I had the ability to get a notification on "That Guy With the Glasses" any time a comment was made on one of the 200+ episodes, I would gladly receive them, because I think it's very important for me to read every comment made and take in every piece of feedback from my fans. Which is why I just have to ask, for those who haven't heard this before, if you think I've made some really big error that I should be made aware of, please just do a find search with your keyboard to make sure it hasn't already been pointed out. Obviously, it doesn't work on "That Guy With the Glasses", but that's okay, I'll accept that you just didn't see it. I just want to emphasize that I do honestly appreciate that you guys want to help share knowledge with me. I love it when you guys are smarter than me. What I hate is the redundancy.
Linkara: Or perhaps I just hate being told fifty times, "It's a decoration for the spear, not fire," when I was just trying to be funny by talking about rocket nipples.
Linkara (v/o): Number 2 -- "The Subject of Depression in Superman No. 701 Review"
(Cut to Linkara with an depressingly awkward expression taking a deep breath as he hesitates to tell his confession)
Linkara: I do not suffer from depression. While I can empathize with those who do, because I don't experience it, I don't understand it.
Linkara (v/o): And I got a lot of deserved flack for it in my "Superman #701" review, concerning Superman talking to a jumper. I understand that there is no cure for depression and that there is no single solution that can be prescribed or suggested. And I understand that even small stimuli can trigger it and it's not simple whining when it comes to a woman feeling powerless in the wake of the loss of her mother. I was wrong to imply that she was seeking attention or to simply tell her to get over it. I was wrong. I will say that narratively the scene is still problematic. The police officers being bumbling idiots who don't understand the concept of talking to a jumper is face-palming in its desire to denigrate the police to make Superman look wiser. The implication that Superman would have allowed her to kill herself is offensive to me not only as a Superman fan, but simply as a human being who values life. I feel that Superman's speechifying is not helpful and just makes the writing feel pretentious. And I feel that this scene was better executed in All-Star Superman, wherein Superman stops a jumper by reassuring them that they are loved and valued, providing comfort and hope instead of weak philosophizing that life is neither fair nor unfair. However, my words were inappropriate and my empathy clouded. I sincerely apologize for much of what I said
Linkara (v/o): And the number 1 next screw-up of Atop the Fourth Wall is -- Why didn't you burn One More Day?
Linkara: While of course the subject of depression and similar topics are indeed more important than this, it seems that a lot of people are still asking me about and wanting to know what the deal is. So, why didn't I burn One More Day? (takes off his glasses and goes out of character again)
Lewis: I ran out of time.
Lewis (v/o): Yeah, I honestly did want to burn it. However, I already advertised that the 200th Episode was going to premiere at ConBravo. My sleep schedule was erratic -- yeah, protip for those who want to work from home: expect to become nocturnal-- and, on top of that, I was working on the 200th Episode and the "Star Trek IV" review back to back, a long review and then a longer review. Next that editing was going to take time and I needed to also write up and put together the live show for ConBravo. I fortunately had stuff like the cameos already given to me and the script for the 200th already written, but I was on a deadline crunch. The 200th Episode together was an hour and fourteen minutes long. Naturally, after editing 200 episodes of a show consistently for four years, you tend to get pretty efficient at it, but it still takes time, especially when you're trying to get the timing exactly right on the jokes. But, if that wasn't enough, I also had to edit the clips together for The Ballad of Linkara at the end, which meant trying to get clips to match up with the vocals. Again, time and thought. And finally, I rewrote the ending speech concerning the dual role of Reader and Critic since I was unsatisfied with how I had originally written it, which took even more time.
Lewis: And so, I just ran out of time to film a scene where I burned it... and I sold off the copy that I used in the episode to a fan at a convention. (puts his glasses back on)
Linkara: How fortunate then that I should just happened to have this handy? (He holds up a copy of "One More Day")
(Caption appears: "Originally this section contained "One Day More." Sorry, ContentID.")
(Linkara is outside striking the igniter on the newspaper inside the comic. He places the comic inside the bucket and lets it burn. Cut back to Linkara on his futon)
Linkara: It's been a good year, my friends. I may have made some mistakes, but my resolve is strong. Next, year, as always, we'll be taking a look at some old series, some new series, we'll do a retrospective on my favorite comic of all, and we'll take a little look at a project from Marvel called 2099. Happy New Year!
And yes, I'm aware of the abridged Clone Saga comic "The Real Clone Saga." I've mentioned it before and guess what? They left out Judas Traveler and his "students."
Keep an eye out for my upcoming scientific essay "How Every Bad Comic Can Be Traced Back to the X-Men Somehow" or "The Grand Unified X-Men Suckiness Theory."
And okay, he didn't exactly EAT Charles Xavier's brain – that was once again my memory playing tricks on me, but seriously would you have been surprised?)
Oh, and for those wondering about my thoughts on Amazing Spider-Man #700: I have no feelings. Spider-Man has been dead to me since One More Day, so I care very little about it. I give the "new status quo" 6 to 12 months before it's reversed.
(Inked Reality Productions post-credits)
Linkara: Oh, and the reason I'm always looking to the side of the camera is because my laptop is right there. Making a weekly series means I have to take short cuts, so I can't always memorize longer lines. I do try to minimize this whenever possible, but... mistakes happen. Please keep on telling me about the mistakes I make because it's the only way I'll get better.