The Nerd Wizard Rant


Date Aired
April 22nd, 2008
Running Time
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NC: There is no curse in Elvish, Entish or the tongues of Men for this TREACHERY. Last week, I officially launched my new website, To advertise it, I created a trailer.

Showing the trailer
NC (voiceover): Filled with zooming text, bright flashes and some fast-speed editing.

NC: Not a few days later I posted a detailed list of what movies I was gonna review next. First a short tribute to Animaniacs, and then The Wizard, a 1980s film that was sponsored by Nintendo. Right now I'm about halfway through editing and so far, no complaints. But then, less than 24 hours later, take a look at what the Angry Video Game Nerd posted on his site:

Showing the Nerd's trailer
NC (voiceover): Gee, it's a trailer. Filled with zooming text, bright flashes and some fast-speed editing! Oh, and it also turns out that the guy who reviews nothing but video games is ALSO reviewing a movie! Which movie, you may ask? Well how about The FUCKING Wizard?

NC: ...You... dirty... stuck-up... sadistic... shit-eating, cocksucking, buttfucking, penis-smelling, crotch-grabbing, ball-licking, semen-drinking, dog-raping, Nazi-loving, child-touching, cow-humping, perverted, spineless, heartless, mindless, dickless, testicle-choking, urine-gargling, jerk-offing, horse face, sheep-fondling, toilet-kissing, self-centered, feces-puking, dildo-shoving, snot-spitting, crap-gathering, big-nosed, monkey-slapping, bastard-screwing, bean-shitting, fart-knocking, sack-busting, splooge-tasting, bear-blowing, head-swallowing, bitch-snatching, handjobbing, donkey-caressing, mucus-spewing, anal-plugging, ho-grabbing, uncircumsized, sewer-sipping, whore mongering, piss-swimming, midget-munching, douchebag, ho-biting, carnivorous, mail-order prostituting asshole!

Footage of The Wizard
NC (voiceover): You just couldn't let me get to it first, could ya? You just HAD to steal my thunder.

NC: So it seems that the Angry Video Game Nerd has officially...become...the Irate Gamer to my incredible genius.
(Audience boos the Nostalgia Critic)
NC: Okay, okay, alright...that was too far. But still, the evidence stands.

Shots of the evidence
NC (voiceover): I posted my list of reviews on April 21st. And the Angry Video Game Nerd posted his review on April 22nd.

NC: That means he had to write the material, set up the shots, shoot the video, transfer it, edit it, and post it on his website, all in less than twenty. Four. Hours. What kind of sick, jealous rage pushes a man to such limits? Well, let me tell you something. I will not be intimidated. In light of this rivalry, I've decided to push my review to next week, as opposed to 2 weeks later. And I am going to avoid your review like the plague. Cause I don't want any of your video game nerdiness tampering with my views! So, I leave you, Angry Video Game Nerd, with this statement: I'M the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you... You hear me? ...YOU don't have to!
He's about to walk away, then leans back in
NC: By the way, what'd ya say about Lucas, wasn't that kid hilarious? Oh my God, I had so much fun writing jokes about.........I hate you!

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