(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from The Mighty Ducks)
Doug (vo): Who doesn't remember The Mighty Ducks? The team of screw-ups that "nobody thought had a chance, but with the use of a certain coach who doesn't think he'll fit in, but then finds the strength to stand by his team, they will go to the finals, and..." Oh, come on. Even before this story was used over and over and over again, it was already tired, which is a shame, because there's nothing in Mighty Ducks that's especially bad, but there's nothing that's especially good in it either.
Doug (vo): Emilio Estevez plays a rich man who gets in trouble, so he's been sentenced to having to coach a little league hockey team. And, of course, they're all troublemakers and goofy and wacky, and, at first, his plan is to win games simply by having them call fouls. Yeah, anytime they're tapped, he wants them to fall down and fake these injuries. That's actually pretty funny. But one kid simply won't do it, and says that he wants to fight because he loves the sport and he loves what he does. Estevez thinks maybe he should start doing the same thing, and tries to encourage the kids to be stronger. And, of course, through determination and hard work, they all come together and, yeah, sometimes, they fall off the wagon, but they get right back on, because they love their coach and they love their team, and they make it to the big playoffs and all that good stuff.
Doug (vo): What can I say about this movie that hasn't been said about every single movie that has this plot? I...guess it kind of did it early on, but didn't we have Bad News Bears and a few other films before it? I think people saw it because the cast of kids they have were actually pretty good and pretty entertaining, but they weren't written that way, they were more acted that way. They have the silly faces, they have the goofy performances, and, yeah, kids are gonna like that. And for a lot of younger people, this is the first time they're seeing this story. And like I said before, there's nothing really bad in it. I mean, it fills up the time fine, there's some atmospheric moments, I do like it when Estevez goes to see his old coach. But you just gotta like this formula and this setup if you're gonna like this film, and I don't. I thought it was tired and boring the first time I saw it, and I think it's tired and boring now.
[The DVD covers for the movie's two sequels, D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) and D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996), are shown]
Doug (vo): Even the sequels, which I'm not gonna review, by the way, because it'd be like reviewing the same movie over and over, are pretty much the same, except, insert laziness with something else, like in the second one, it was fame. They let fame go to their head and now they have to get back in training. And in the third one, (briefly sighs) camaraderie and teamwork starts to fall apart, and it's just not worth it.
Doug (vo): Looking back on it years later, I just find it as a huge bore. Really tell me at the beginning of this movie, you don't know scene for scene what's gonna happen. And is there really anything that hilarious to keep you connected to it? I remember when I saw it as a kid, I liked it, but...once, and I didn't really get why everybody had to buy this movie and have it in their collection. And nowadays, our generation knows this story about the sports team that has to be built up and will somehow succeed as The Mighty Ducks story. But even before Mighty Ducks, this story was around, and even before it existed, it was still kinda boring. If you like it, great, but I never got into these stories and I don't think I ever will. I know a lot of people like it, but personally, I couldn't give a puck.
[One of the film's final scenes, showing the team celebrating after winning their final game, is shown]