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The Matrix Resurrections
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Release Date
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August 31, 2022
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Running Time
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31:55
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Previous Review
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Next Review
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Link
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Video
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(The Channel Awesome logo and NC title sequence play. Then we cut to a trailer to the Webtoon series, Nexus Point. Words are typed in, reading: "In the not too distant future...")
First announcer (Doug): Next Sunday, A.D.– (A smacking sound is heard.) OW! Sorry.
Second announcer (Malcolm): Now everything's networked. So they hire bounty hunters like me to track down hackers, get the girl, get paid.
Third announcer (Tamara): Bring us the girl. Wipe away the debt. (Another smacking sound is heard.) OW! You started it.
Second announcer: Bloodthirsty bounty hunters, crooked cops, rogue hackers. That puppet from The Simpsons does colors now? (Another smacking sound is heard.) OW! I was legitimately asking!
(The title for Nexus Point is shown again as the trailer ends.)
First announcer: And by "Nexus Point", that narrator sounds like an ex-Power Ranger.
(Cut to the couch in the middle of the studio. It is revealed that the announcers are NC, Malcolm and Tamara, who were all just making comments about it. Malcolm slaps NC on the back of his head.)
NC: OW!
(It is also revealed that Trevor Mueller is showing them the trailer for Nexus Point.)
Trevor: Why did I think you guys would be quiet for my presentation? On that note, yes...
(The credits for Nexus Point show that Johnny Yong Bosch is credited for doing the trailer and the music.)
Trevor (vo): ...that is Johnny's voice for the trailer, and he also does the music for the series.
NC: I knew it sounded like he drove a minivan and a frog in his teens.
Tamara: You could tell that with his voice?
NC: Tell me I couldn't with this job.
Trevor: And that was my new comic series on Webtoon. I'm gonna assume you hated it.
Malcolm: Honestly, it looked pretty cool.
Tamara: Yeah, I'd read it.
Trevor: You guys made fun of it the whole time!
Malcolm: That's what we do for everything.
Tamara: Especially things we love.
NC: Yeah, like you're bald.
Trevor: You're bald!
NC: Yeah, but you're bald.
Trevor: (shakes head in frustration) So does this look like something you guys can promote?
NC: Well, Trevor, you clearly worked very hard on this, but we have to find something to review that's in the same vein.
Malcolm: Yeah, like maybe a review that we were all in.
Tamara: Or a series of reviews we can needlessly tag onto.
Trevor: Well, The Matrix was one of the inspirations for the series.
NC: That's good to know. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're gonna review Matrix Resurrections.
(They get to their feet as Trevor rolls his eyes.)
Malcolm: But we'll let you know if we think of a tie-in.
Tamara: Yeah, and let us know if that Johnny Yong guy gets up to anything big.
Trevor: (clenches teeth) He's in some of the biggest animes of all time!
NC: Anime? That's still a thing? I'd give it two more years. Anyway, keep in touch.
(He reaches his hand out to Trevor to shake his. Trevor takes NC's hand, but now he's wearing a glove. NC is stunned. Not only that, but Trevor is also wearing a black hat.)
Trevor: Nostalgia Critic, yes...
(NC stares in confusion. Trevor's hat and glove disappear.)
Trevor: Are you okay? I mean, less than usual?
NC: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Um...keep in touch.
(Malcolm and Tamara leave as well as Trevor stares at his hand. The wall behind him turns into a Matrix wall while his face twitches. Meanwhile, NC goes into his room and sits down at his desk. Malcolm appears in his doorway.)
Malcolm: Hey, Critic, would you care to regenerate your energy levels with the consumption of grounded minerals in the hopes of continuing our search for purpose?
NC: What?
Malcolm: You want some coffee?
NC: Oh, no, I'm good.
(Malcolm leaves, but not before it is revealed that he is now wearing dark glasses and a leather jacket like Morpheus.)
NC: I should probably do something about this...but it usually works itself out in twenty to thirty minutes.
(The title for The Matrix Resurrections is shown, before showing its footage.)
NC (vo): Released in December of 2021... (An image of a Christmas-themed Matrix poster from The Simpsons is shown, while a line from South Park, "Simpsons did it!", is heard.) ...almost twenty years have passed since you pretended you saw the last Matrix movie, and now the Wachowskis, minus one, are back to give you the...final part? (The film's box office results is shown: $157.3 million USD.) Yeah, definitely the final part. As the film seems to spell out, Warner Bros. wanted another go at their most popular movie series... (The posters of the Matrix trilogy are shown, but the posters of the sequels vanish, leaving only the poster of the first movie.) ...most popular movie. Again, a lot of folks didn't get into the sequels, but they seemed to make enough to get Warner Bros. to say to Lana Wachowski...
(A clip of Archer is shown, with the caption "Warner" being Photoshopped on Sterling Archer's face.)
Archer (voice of H. Jon Benjamin): Lana. Lana! LANAAAA...!
NC (vo): ...until she agreed to come back and brought some of the leads with her. The movie bombed pretty fierce, though, and got mixed reactions from critics and fans. As someone who didn't get into the original film that much but did value the impact it had, I have to admit, I did enjoy a good chunk of this film. I liked a lot of the self-reflections, psychological dives, and more character insight into a series that, frankly, had no character insight. Put bluntly, I was really enjoying this Matrix movie until it became a Matrix movie. Did that make it worth the reboot all these years later, though? Well, let's dive in head-first to find out.
NC: This is–
(Tamara suddenly enters the room, interrupting NC.)
Tamara: Hey, Critic! I was wondering if–
NC: If the consequences of our personal actions reflect the consequences of our species as a whole?
Tamara: No. If I could have the last Slim Jim.
NC: Oh. Yeah, fine.
(Tamara starts to leave, but a sound like the stretching of plastic wrap is heard.)
NC: Wait, Tamara!
(She turns back to NC. The sound is heard again.)
NC: Under those clothes, are you wearing leather? If I finish that question, you're gonna sue us, aren't you?
Tamara: (holding up phone) My lawyer's on speed dial.
NC: Go eat your Slim Jim.
(She leaves, still making the stretching sound.)
NC: This is...not suspicious at all.
(The movie begins.)
NC (vo): So, your first thought might be, "This is another one of those sequels that does the exact same thing all over again."
NC: (hesitantly) Eee...Yyyeah...It's not as bad as you think... It is, but for different reasons.
NC (vo): This is a simulation of the first movie that's a test...I think, for agents. A spy named Bugs, played by Jessica Henwick, watches as some things seem different in the simulation.
Bugs: Oh, look, we know what happens. She kicks their ass.
NC: (as Bugs) That's why I said it... "As you know"... (normal) Trust me, the writing does get better.
(The next scene shows Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) fighting off the agents trying to grab her, but she kicks one of them in the face with her heel, almost, since the first shot was kicked above his shoulder, and in the next shot Trinity's legs goes back down after kicking the agent in the face from that position.)
NC (vo): Oh, that kick was a little off, no doubt that will be the worst part of the action sequences in this film.
(Bugs then gets grabbed by an agent, played by Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, on the neck after the previous scene.)
NC (vo; as this agent): They call me Cobra Bubbles!
(Bugs then fights him off, causing him to let her go, dropping from the building next to a neon sign that says "FOR THOSE WHO TO LOVE EAT SHIT".)
NC (vo): Can't help but wonder if there's some subtext with Lana reluctantly returning to this series. The same way Neo is an anagram for "One", Lana can be an anagram for "Alan". (A custom image of some media that reads "Directed by Alan Smithee" is shown.)
(Now the agent who dropped Bugs shows up in front of her.)
NC (vo): It turns out one of the agents, played by Yahya Abdul-Mateen (II), somehow is a program embodying Morpheus.
NC: And I'll be totally honest, I got that from the Wiki page, because their explanation of this is like (A shot of the Architect speech from the first movie is shown in the corner.) the Architect speech light!
Bugs: Do you know this is a Modal?
Agent: What's a Modal?
Bugs: It's a simulation used to evolve programs.
Agent: I know what I am.
Bugs: Digital sentience?
Agent: Just a flicker, but suddenly I understood.
Bugs: You heard (?)?
Agent: We can't see it. We're all trapped inside these strange...
NC: (tired of hearing this) Okay, can we get the Bruce Willis Fifth Element sum up?
(Cut to a scene of The Fifth Element, showing Leeloo pointing a gun at Korben's (Willis) head when he tries to talk her out. Then cut back to The Matrix Resurrections.)
Agent: I am...Morpheus.
NC: Thank you. (suddenly realizes) But wait! (He gestures toward an image of Morpheus from the first three films.) That's Morpheus.
(A clip of the first Matrix, with the original Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), is shown, while NC explains.)
NC (vo): Yeah, if you're wondering why they didn't have Laurence Fishburne reprise his role, get this....
(Cut to a video game cutscene of The Matrix Online showing Morpheus walking in an alley and then getting killed by The Assassin who comes out of an air vent outside before shooting him.)
NC (vo): In one of the Matrix games that nobody played, Morpheus is killed. And of course, the Wachowskis would be diehard about this being canon, so Fishburne wasn't even asked to return!
(Cut back to Resurrections, showing a later scene with Neo and Trinity at a coffee place. The camera first shows Keanu Reeves.)
NC (vo): Because Lord knows, bringing a person back to life– (Then the camera cuts to Carrie-Anne Moss in front of the camera.) TWO people back to life, just wouldn't be believable in this world!
(Cut back to where we were before in the movie.)
NC (vo): Is that overwritten dialogue yet?
(Bugs then gets out the red pill out of her pocket and shows it to Morpheus.)
Morpheus: You call this a choice?
Bugs: Oh, honestly, when somebody offered me these things, I went off on binary conceptions of the world and said that there was no way I was swallowing some symbolic reduction of my life. (takes a breath)
(Around NC, the surrounding area gradually turns a shade of green, as it does over the course of the video.)
NC: Jesus, somebody give that woman an Oscar, just for trying to say that in one breath!
NC (vo): Just saying "yes" in a Wachowski film means reading half a thesaurus at machine gun speed! (A copy of the Merriam-Webster Thesaurus is shown. Then Bugs and Morpheus are shown escaping the Matrix, and then the film cuts to the main character, Thomas Anderson (Reeves), a successful game designer.) He takes the pill, and we cut to Neo, played again by Keanu Reeves, who's been given the most impressive reboot of the film.
NC: He's been programmed to actually act in this.
(Thomas is shown speaking with his therapist (Neil Patrick Harris).)
Thomas: Having a mental breakdown again, or I'm living inside a computer-generated reality that has imprisoned me...again. (chuckles nervously)
(Clips of Neo in the original movies are shown alongside clips of Thomas in this movie.)
NC (vo): Okay, so I've made a lot of jokes about Reeves' underacting in his earlier films, including The Matrix, but, honestly, I think he's gotten a lot better over the years. He's proven to have a really decent range, and even in a role like this, where he's supposed to not really care, he does so in an engaging way.
Thomas: My mind made it all up.
Analyst (Thomas' therapist): Is that what you believe?
Thomas: It felt real.
NC (vo): In this world, he's a game designer who made The Matrix as a hit trilogy. He has a crush on a lady at a coffee shop, played by Carrie-Anne Moss. He tried jumping off a building because he had a nervous breakdown and couldn't tell fantasy from reality, so now he sees a therapist. Despite his success, he can't connect well with people and feels numb being at the top, getting out all his passions in his games because he's too nervous to do so in real life.
(At the coffee shop, Thomas' co-worker Jude (Andrew Lewis Caldwell) introduces a nervous Thomas to a woman named Tiffany (Moss), who looks exactly like Neo's love, Trinity.)
Jude: This is my very good friend, Thomas Anderson.
Thomas: (to Tiffany) I'm sorry about this. (to Jude) Jude, just–
Jude: Just talk to her.
NC (vo): Yeah, this isn't just acting, this is a legitimately interesting character.
NC: What'd I know about this guy? (Clips of Neo in the original film are shown in the top left corner.) Um...he thought there was another world, but all of them thought that. Uh...he hated his job, I think. Uh...
NC (vo): He's the One! Whoa!
NC: I'd rather watch a dozen movies starring this guy than one with...the One! (Images of Neo in both this movie and the original are shown.)
Tiffany: Hi, Thomas. Everyone calls me Tiff.
NC (vo; as Tiffany): I hate my husband, and I'm desperate for an affair. (normally) Speaking of which...
(Tiffany's husband and children come in.)
Tiffany: This is my husband, Chad.
Chad (Chad Stahelski): Nice to meet you. (shakes hands with Thomas)
Thomas: Hey.
NC (vo; as Chad): Don't cross me, bro. I am literally a Chad.
(Days later, Thomas and Tiffany have lunch with each other at the coffee shop.)
NC (vo): Look at this, they meet up a few times in the movie. And you know what they do? They chat. Not overexplain or discuss the meaning of life or something. They just chat, like what people do.
Tiffany: So, what's it like being a world-famous game designer? Must be amazing.
Thomas: Sometimes, it is amazing. Most times...I don't know.
NC (vo): They chat about their insecurities, their passions, the lives they have versus the lives they originally wanted. In a series where the computers talk more like humans and the humans talk more like computers, I love seeing these two actually be allowed to act.
Tiffany: Another coincidence. I love motorcycles. (A shot of Tiffany riding a motorcycle in the sunset is briefly shown.) My friend Kush and I actually build them.
NC: I didn't know she liked motorcycles. I thought... (A scene from The Matrix Reloaded, showing Trinity crashing her motorbike in a building, is shown.) …she just rode them because it's part of the mission. That's ten times more than I ever knew about her in three whole movies!
Tiffany: I'm too goddamn tired. Kids are exhausting, you know?
Thomas: No. Never had kids.
Tiffany: Oh, right, I knew that.
NC (vo): I like seeing these two talk. They're a cute couple when they're not just discussing protocol or sucking face. (Later, Thomas working on his game on his computer again.) Even the super-meta setup, which, granted, has been done to death in other remakes, does make sense here.
Astra (Freema Agyeman): This cannot be another reboot, retread, regurgitation...
Scott (Andrew Rothney): Why not? Reboots sell.
(The posters for Bill & Ted Face the Music, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Ghostbusters: Afterlife, the 2022 reboot of Scream, and a promo image for Home Sweet Home Alone are shown.)
NC (vo): Yes, every reboot nowadays has to act all self-aware, like they're the first one to do it. But seeing how The Matrix was about questioning reality already, I think it kind of fits. You can tell this is where Lana opens up about not knowing how to accept her creation for what it is and how other people interpret it.
(Jude is at a meeting with game developers on a new game.)
Jude: Obviously, The Matrix is about...
Dev 1: ...trans-politics.
Dev 2: Crypto-fascism!
Dev 3: It's a metaphor.
Dev 4: Of capitalist exploitation.
NC: Honestly, I'd make jokes about the fans taking the films too seriously, but this movie does it for me.
Jude: (to Thomas) A paradox between free will and destiny.
Thomas: It kept some kids entertained.
Jude: Hey, I tell you, it took over my life.
(We then cut back to the meeting.)
Jude: We need guns.
Dev 5: Lots of guns.
NC (vo): Also, being at the top I'm sure can feel good to be true and even like a fantasy, which this clearly feeds into. I kind of like the idea Neo is trying to push away from the Messiah complex he might've made for himself. And best of all, the past three movies can technically be seen as a nervous breakdown. It could just be a geek getting too deep into his own self-indulgent fantasy, which, yes, I'm sure a lot of fans wouldn't like because that would take away from their own fantasy.
Thomas' therapist: (to Thomas) You converted elements of your life into narrative. A married woman named Tiffany became the Trinity of a doomed romance.
NC (vo): I know people have their own take on things and that's fine, but for me, (The poster for Children of Dune is shown.) I love Muad'Dib does not bring world peace. (The poster for Star Wars: The Last Jedi is shown.) Luke Skywalker doesn't become a perfect being. (The poster for Cinderella III: A Twist in Time is shown.) Even Cinderella doesn't fully achieve her happily ever after. (All three posters are shown together.) Do these need to exist? No. But if they're going to, bring on the next logical conflict reality would give them. (Neo is next shown meeting with his business partner named Smith (Jonathan Groff).) On that note, his developing partner, played by Jonathan Groff, says Warner Bros. wants another Matrix. (beat) Man...I thought the other films hit the nail on the head.
Smith: Warner Bros. has decided to make a sequel to the trilogy, and they made it clear they'll kill our contract if we don't cooperate.
NC: Don't worry, after the merge with Discovery, all drama will disappear.
NC (vo): As blatant as this is, and I guess spells out why Wachowski Number Two didn't come back for this one, I will give Warner Bros. credit: they left that in the movie, though I'd love to see how they dealt with this if it turns out that was just an oversight.
Smith: They informed me they were gonna do it with or without us.
Thomas: I thought they couldn't do that.
Smith: Oh, they can.
(Suddenly, NC is interrupted by a knock at the door.)
NC: Now if you'll excuse me, a cartoon duck is calling me into the lobby.
(He gets up from his seat and walks off.)
Daffy Duck: (offscreen) FIRE! (A gunshot is heard.)
NC (vo): Neo's therapist, played by Neil Patrick Harris, suggests he up his pill dosage, keeping him more in reality.
Therapist: And more importantly, I remember how hard it was for you to share something like this, which tells me just how far we've come.
NC (vo): While he does great, I will be honest, all I'm thinking is how much him and Jonathan Groff must have been (An image of two tap-dancers, with Harris and Groff's heads on them, is shown in the corner.) tap-dancing show tunes whenever the cameras weren't rolling.
NC: Now that's a duo I want to see Neo fight!
NC (vo): Neo gets a message, though, just as the building is given an emergency evacuation.
(Said message appears on Thomas' cellphone from an unknown source. He answers it, and it tells him to go to the door at the end of the hall for the answers. He texts back to see who it is, but the only response is: "You know who.")
NC (vo; as Thomas): Cellophane. Mr. Cellophane. (normal) Kinda Morpheus approaches him in a kinda Morpheus way. Seriously...
NC: ...his tone goes back and forth so much, I have no idea what he's supposed to be like!
(A montage of scenes of Morpheus' tone alternating is shown.)
Morpheus (Yahya Abdul-Mateen): This is the moment for you to show us what is real. / Welcome to the crib. / ...learning all about you. And me. / At last... Wasn't too sure about the call-back, but you know, just hard to resist.
(Cut to a clip of an episode of Futurama, showing iHawk as he flicks his switch from "irreverent" to "maudlin".)
iHawk (voice of Maurice LaMarche): This isn't a war, it's a murder. (flicks switch back) This isn't a war, it's a moider!
(Cut back to The Matrix Resurrections.)
NC (vo): After all that imagery showing how taking pills numbs you to reality, here, take this pill to see reality!
(Morpheus gives Neo the red pill, but suddenly, a group of agents, led by Thomas' partner, ambushes them and tries to attack Neo.)
NC (vo): We discover his partner was actually a reprogrammed version of Agent Smith...
(As we cut back to NC, an image of an article of Hugo Weaving (the original portrayer of Smith) having scheduling conflicts that prevented him from appearing in this movie is shown in the upper-right corner.)
NC: Yes, that character died, too, but this was scheduling conflicts.
NC (vo): ...we get an action sequence and...so far, it's okay. It looks Matrix-y enough, it's smooth and cool-looking. But he suddenly appears in his therapist's office and thinks it's all just another mental breakdown. I actually got swept up in how well they covered their bases for either reality being real that I totally forgot they pretty showed the Matrix was real with the other characters earlier. But again, maybe it's because I actually care about these characters that I forgot about those others scenes so quickly.
Therapist: It's what artists do, but it becomes a problem when fantasies endanger us.
NC (vo): Bugs intercepts him, though, and takes him to a theater where film strips from "The Game" are playing.
Morpheus: Nothing comforts anxiety like...a little nostalgia.
(As we cut back to NC, an image of himself dressed like a soldier is shown in the corner.)
NC: Look at me, I've been calm for (gnashes teeth) friggin' years!
NC (vo): He's confronted by his therapist, who tells him he broke into his home.
(Neo and his therapist, the latter revealed to be The Analyst, stand on opposite ends of a mirror.)
The Analyst: Please, this is not a game. Feel my hand. (reaches through the mirror to take Neo's hand) This is what is real.
NC (vo): God, deep down, I knew the movie wasn't smart enough to leave it ambiguous so you have to decide what's real, but I'll be honest, I was kind of questioning what was happening in this moment. Again, both realities seem plausible. They try to escape into a train, but agents locate them and... Oh, no, we really are back in 1999; they're doing that shitty few frames trick that everybody would wish would die!
Morpheus: Nothing comforts anxiety like...a little nostalgia.
NC: Yeah, but not bad nostalgia!
NC (vo): I do like the idea of how a literal point of view can help them escape.
(One hacker, Sequoia (Toby Onwumere), points out a mirror to Bugs.)
Sequoia: That mirror.
(Bugs sees the mirror in question, but it's really small.)
Bugs: We'll never fit.
(However, Neo reaches his hand through the mirror, and Morpheus pushes him through completely with little trouble.)
Sequoia: Think perspective. The closer you are, the bigger it gets.
NC: (as Neo) So you mean... (gasps, then pinches his index finger and thumb together) I'm squashing your heads! (normal) Oh, my God, I wish that was a scene!
NC (vo): Neo escapes, wakes up from the Matrix, and is taken to Bugs' ship. So there you go! That's 53 minutes of good! Now get ready for 104 minutes of bad!
(Suddenly, Tamara appears at the door again, dressed like Bugs.)
Tamara: Hey, Critic, I've been checking out that Nexus Point comic. It's actually pretty good.
NC: Yeah, I'm sorry, have things slowly been getting more green around here?
Tamara: Oh, I think we're trying to be more environmentally friendly.
NC: No, I mean, literally green!
Tamara: Oh, good, because I was completely making that up.
NC: Wait a minute, (points at Tamara) why are you wearing black leather?
Tamara: Why aren't you wearing black leather?
NC: (looks at his jacket) Oh, that's a good point. (starts to get up) I should go change– (suddenly stops and points at Tamara again) Hey, wait, that's not how this works!
(Trevor shows up at NC's door and Tamara runs off.)
Trevor: Hey, Critic, I thought of another way we can work the comic in. What if we take the main character, Sally...
NC: Can you call her Jemmy?
Trevor: What? Why?
NC: I like the name Jemmy.
Trevor: But I spent weeks trying to come up with the perfect name for her.
NC: I like the name Jemmy.
Trevor: Okay, fine, I'll use Sally somewheres else. So Sally... (NC looks at him suspiciously.) I mean, Jemmy (NC nods in approval.) starts working...
(A shot of a Nexus Point comic is shown.)
Trevor (vo): ...at a tech company and gets chased by the bad guys just like...
Trevor: ...Neo in The Matrix.
(Malcolm shows up.)
Malcolm: Does she say "Whoa?
Trevor: (to NC) Does she have to say "Whoa"?
NC: I think she has to say "Whoa".
Trevor: All right, she says "Whoa".
NC: Will everything be green and gray like in this room for some reason?
(Trevor and Malcolm are suddenly dressed like in the Matrix, with Trevor as the Stranger and Malcolm dressed as Morpheus.)
Stranger Trevor: Silence!
NC: (startled by their change in appearance) What?
(Suddenly, Trevor and Malcolm revert back to normal again.)
Trevor: No, that's the best part. It's like The Matrix, but with a lot more color. (Malcolm nods.)
NC: Oh, I...guess it sounds pretty cool. Uh, okay, I'll think it over.
(Trevor and Malcolm are shown in their Matrix attire again.)
Stranger Trevor: Yes.
NC: What?
Stranger Trevor: Yes.
NC: What?!
(Trevor and Malcolm are in their normal attire again.)
Malcolm: Sounds good, Critic.
NC: Wait, Trevor was saying that!
(Suddenly, however, Trevor and Malcolm are gone, replaced by Tamara again.)
Tamara: I'm not Trevor, I'm Malcolm. (leaves, once again to the sound of stretching plastic wrap)
NC: Did A24 buy us out or something?
(We then go to a commercial break. Upon return from the break, the movie resumes.)
NC (vo): So, Neo is being examined by the ship doctor...
Bugs: What's up, doc?
NC: A character named Bugs just asked a doctor, "What's up?" I hate how much I love that!
NC (vo): ...and we're teleported to the kung fu training scene, because you remember the kung fu training scene.
Morpheus: (to Neo) I know exactly what you need.
NC (vo; as Morpheus): Me in an open robe handing you a martini.
NC: Man, Lana has been reading the fan theories!
(Neo does battle with Morpheus, while the real Neo is being scanned. He twitches in his chair.)
Morpheus: Come on, Neo, fight for her!
(Neo lets out a battle cry as he charges forward to attack, while in the lab, the machine used to scan Neo's mind explodes in a shower of sparks. Inside Neo's mind, Neo hits Morpheus with a blast of energy that not only knocks him backward into the wall, but it also causes the kung fu room to explode outward.)
NC (vo): It's the nerd-gasm producers think fans are having right now. He wakes up back in his room, where Bugs wants to talk with him.
(Bugs sees Neo trying to extract himself from the scanning mechanism.)
Bugs: (seeing Neo struggling to extract himself) Mind if I?
NC (vo; as Bugs): Open my beer bottle on you?
(She removes Neo from his bounds.)
Neo: They took my life, turned it into a video game.
Bugs: They turned it into something trivial.
NC: Not so trivial; you can't bring back actors because it's canon!
NC (vo): Yeah, I still stand by the John Wick films are artificial simulations.
Neo: Everything we did...none of it mattered.
Bugs: All of it mattered.
NC: (as Bugs) It gave us the courage to repeat the same shit over again.
NC (vo): Yeah, we're basically back to business as usual, with everyone sucking Neo's dick, praising him as "The One".
Berg (Brian J. Smith): (shaking Neo's hand) Not to fanboy out here, but this is kind of a huge moment for me.
Bugs: Berg is our resident Neo-ologist.
NC (vo): Oh, Jesus! Literally; I like it better when he thought he had a Jesus complex. Remember: therapist, bad; being the chosen one, good; and pills? Still figuring that one out, I guess.
Bugs: They are synthients. It's a word they prefer to "machines".
NC (vo): One addition I like is they apparently team up with machines in the hopes of making the world better. I would have liked it if maybe Neo had a prejudice towards them, but they never do take advantage of that. They do take advantage of Guy Pearce's makeup from Prometheus, though.
Neo: Niobe?
Niobe (Jada Pinkett Smith): The world was different then.
NC (vo): Yep, that's Jada Pinkett Smith reprising her role as Niobe, and while it does look like a latex pancake melted on her face, she actually does an okay job acting under it.
Niobe: A few more wrinkles and a few less teeth, but wise enough to know I don't know anything.
NC: Except what pushes your husband's buttons; I think you know that pretty well now. (smiles and nods)
Bugs: (to Niobe) We found The One.
Niobe: I don't believe in The One. I never did.
NC: But it's an anagram for "Neo"! It's clever! It must be true!
NC (vo): Hey, gardening! Now shit's getting exciting!
Freya (Telma Hopkins): (handing Neo a strawberry) Welcome to the garden, Neo.
Neo: (taking strawberry) A strawberry?
Niobe: You remember that shit we used to eat.
NC: How many adults refer to the trilogy now.
NC (vo): So it's a little confusing, but I think, after Neo died, the machines started fighting each other, another idea I think is clever and surprisingly believable. But Neo thinks they're keeping Trinity alive, and he wants to save her. Niobe says no, but wascawwy Bugs says yes and sneaks him back into the Matrix to get some answers.
Lexy (Eréndira Ibarra): So what do you think of him?
Berg: He's kind of worried at first, because he's so much older. The beard, the hair...oh...
NC: Ah, when producers thought that would be the biggest problem fans had with the film.
NC (vo): They run into Smith and the one cast member I know you were waiting to see again...
The Merovingian (Lambert Wilson): All these years, I can't believe it.
NC: (crosses arms) Aw, Pepe Le Pew did not take getting canceled well.
NC (vo): It's funny because I don't remember disliking this character. I remember him being kind of fun. But he really is the Jar Jar of this scene, like he's supposed to distract us from how bad everything else is we're watching, and he's about as effective.
(A montage of scenes featuring the Merovingian is shown.)
The Merovingian: We had conversation! Not this...beep-beep-beep-beep! Art...! / Face-Zucker-suck and Cock-me-climatey-Wiki-piss-and-shit! / Our sequel franchise spinoff!
NC: Well, at least I can pinpoint the exact moment the meta shit stopped working for me.
NC (vo): Like I and I'm sure others must have pointed out, the other Wachowski must have directed the action, because man, the rest of the fight scenes in this are sloppy as hell. Maybe it's the same effects and choreography, but it's shot via shaking baby cam, so I can't make out if it is or not. They beat Smith back and make it to Trinity, who I'd be really shocked if (The cover of "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert M. Pirsig is shown off to the side.) this wasn't on her bookshelf. But the therapist arrives and reveals he was the mastermind that brought them back to life, freezing them in Cyberpunk 2077 time.
The Analyst: I know, kind of ironic, using the power to define you to control you.
NC: (as Neo) You're not even a real doctor, are you, Howser?
The Analyst: I was there when you died.
NC (vo; as the Analyst): I was Tentacle #3. Come on, tell me I wasn't programmed from that.
The Analyst: First, I had to convince the suits to let me rebuild the two of you. Why her? Getting there...
NC (vo): Harris does everything he can to save this rambly dialogue, but at six minutes of yapping and watching glick like a Jaguar game, it gets pretty headache-inducing. Basically, he said his attempt to bring Neo back to life failed until he decided to bring Trinity back as well. So like they keep saying, with Smith and Neo, everything is around the yin and the yang and the...yang's girlfriend, I don't know.
The Analyst: Here's the thing about feelings: they're so much easier to control than facts.
NC: (scoffs) You've never Internetted, have you?
NC (vo): Before he can talk to her more, they're captured and court-martialed. Don't worry, though; we're only here for a mere ten freakin' minutes! Yeah, we stay here as they try to convince Niobe to listen to them, figure out a plan, introduce another character you'll forget about by the end, and go over the details of the plans in the real world and the details of the plans in the Matrix world.
Bugs: There's a small hexagonal vent. This vent feeds the air into the corpuscular modifier, which oxygenates the bio-gel used in Neo's pod.
NC (vo): I usually love these scenes in heist films, where they go over all the cool details, but at this point, I'll except...
(Cut to a clip of Shaun of the Dead.)
Shaun (Simon Pegg): Take car, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.
(Cut back to The Matrix Resurrections.)
NC (vo): They agree to meet the therapist at the coffee shop, where nobody questions the S.W.A.T. team there! Guess it's just SWAT night! And they give Trinity the choice to be with Neo or her family. No pressure.
Bugs: If she says no, what happens to Neo?
Lexy: At this time...the most important choice in Neo's life...is not his domain.
NC: (exasperated) Out of our hands! Four words: (holds up four fingers) out...of...our...hands! This movie would be an hour long if people talked how people talked!
NC (vo): She of course chooses Neo, but before the therapist can get them, Smith enters the picture, saying he wants revenge on Doogie as well.
Smith: I was free to be me.
(He punches the Analyst in the face so hard that it sends him sailing backwards across the room.)
NC (vo): I do buy that he would want to rough him up also, and yeah, I'll give credit this is the one where the tight, crowded action works. The idea of a whole SWAT team in a coffee shop where it's almost impossible to move is kind of a creative, chaotic, and even a little funny of a place to fight.
(In the chaos of the fight, Neo and Trinity are separated by the SWAT team.)
The Analyst: Stop them...!
(However, Neo and Trinity reach their hands out to each other.)
The Analyst: Oh, no...!
(Neo and Trinity touch hands, which causes a flash of light to appear between them and blow the SWAT team away.)
NC (vo; as the Analyst): Drat! I've been foiled by the power of love!
(Neo and Trinity hug each other, but the Analyst confronts them.)
The Analyst: You think this is over?
NC: Box office says...
(He reaches his hand out to his side. To a ding, the board from Family Feud appears in the corner, with the word "YES" appearing in the number 7 slot.)
NC: ..."Yes!" (nods)
(Smith, however, guns down the Analyst by shooting himself in the head.)
NC (vo): Smith takes him out, though, and their alliance ends.
Smith: You know the difference between us, Tom? Anyone could have been you. Whereas as I've always been anyone...
(Smith dons a pair of sunglasses as the song "You'll Be Back" from Hamilton is heard briefly. Then Neo and Trinity try to leave the Matrix as quickly as possible as a swarm of bots, having been activated by the Analyst before being killed, try to stop them.)
NC (vo): They go from SWAT to swarm, though, as everyone in the city literally launches themselves as projectiles towards them. Again, not shot great, but it is a pretty entertaining idea.
(As the bots all throw themselves off of buildings to attack Neo and Trinity, they all let loose with the Goofy Holler (obviously added in by NC). Hunted by all, the pair make it to the top of an abandoned building, under fire from SWATs and bots.)
NC (vo): They get to the roof and find the only way out is for them to fly. Well, they're half right.
(They jump off the building, but only Trinity can fly. Neo, on the other hand, starts to fall, only held up by Trinity, who is suspended in midair.)
Neo: I'm not doing this. Are you doing this?
NC: She is...THE TWO!
NC (vo): I guess some fans freaked out about this, but I don't know. If each half of them is part of the puzzle, maybe one of them can stop bullets, and the other can fly...how romantic. I don't know, these movies make up shit as they go. I don't see why this is any different. I just stopped caring when this actually became a Matrix movie again.
(Trinity flies to the Analyst's penthouse apartment. The Analyst had reappeared and seems like he was expecting her to show up.)
The Analyst: How dramatic.
NC: When Neil Patrick Harris says that, you're dramatic.
(Trinity kicks the Analyst in the head, sending him sprawling to the floor. She then slices his head off before reattaching it and then knocking him into a wall.)
NC (vo): I like NPH, but I'm not gonna lie: seeing him die multiple times is weirdly kind of enjoyable.
NC: NPH is like an NPC: you don't really want to hurt him, but you totally will if they just keep coming back.
(Neo shows up as well.)
Trinity: (to the Analyst) We're on our way to remake your world.
Neo: Change a few things.
NC (vo): They figure out they have the power to change this reality and decide they're gonna do exactly that. Eh, you took enough from Dark City; why not officially take the ending, too?
NC: (looking up in thought) Why does that sound... (waves dismissively) Eh, I'll figure it out in the sum-up.
Trinity: You gave us something we never thought we could have: another chance. (She and Neo don sunglasses.)
NC (vo): Yes, thank you, Warner Bros., for forcing Lana's hand, but it's...I guess, a good thing...? What am I supposed to be left with here, movie?
(There is no answer to that as Neo and Trinity fly off together into the sunset.)
NC: I don't know. I guess not enough people thought it was a good thing, because like I said, it didn't do very well.
Trevor: (appearing in the doorway) Hey, Critic, I think I got it figured out. Can you join me for a sec?
(NC sighs and rolls his eyes and gets up from his chair. He walks out into the main lobby, only to discover Trevor, Malcolm and Tamara in their Matrix attire.)
Stranger Trevor: Good to see you again, yessssss?
NC: Wait a minute!
(He looks behind himself briefly, then turns back to see them still in their Matrix attire. He yelps in shock.)
Stranger Trevor: We thought the Matrix had left us. But we were wrong.
NC: Don't you mean Dark City?
Malcolm: Doesn't matter. Half the people won't look it up.
Tamara: And now the Matrix must consume you as well.
(They all advance toward NC menacingly. He backs away.)
Stranger Trevor: (reaches hand out) ATTACK!
(Tamara jumps forward at NC. He steps aside, more confused than ever, and she just falls flat on her face.)
NC: Did she just throw herself at me?
(Malcolm does the same. NC ducks and Malcolm, too, lands on the floor. As NC gets back up again, the budget for The Matrix Resurrections ($190 million USD) is shown in the corner.)
NC: How did this cost more than the last time we did this?
Stranger Trevor: Toss yourselves! Toss yourselves like you're Bullet Bills!
(Tamara throws herself at NC, who ducks down so that Tamara flies over him and crashes into the wall. He gets back up again.)
NC: I don't know. Is this all coming from the web comic you were pitching?
Stranger Trevor: Perhaps. I'm not sure. It all started when I mentioned The Matrix as an inspiration.
(NC ducks again as Malcolm throws himself at NC. Malcolm, too, ends up crashing. NC rises again.)
NC: You know, maybe we're getting so caught up in how The Matrix inspired us, we're not letting it do exactly that: inspire us.
(Tamara throws herself at NC again, but he leans away so that she flies harmlessly past him. Then footage of The Matrix Resurrections plays out as NC gives his final thoughts.)
NC (vo): For me, the best stuff was in the first third. It was reflective, experimental, combined old elements with new elements to say something that was kind of insightful from the creator. When the film tries to recapture what made people love the original, that's where it goes downhill for me. Had this been more like an epilogue rather than a sequel, similar to what something like Steven Universe Future was, I think this would've gotten a lot more respect from both fans and critics, because The Matrix is becoming different things to different people. You even said it inspired your comic, but you made it more colorful and added your own unique touch. When Lana did that, added her own unique touch as a different person years later, chunks of it were pretty cool. Hell, she even added a lot more color in this movie than any of the previous movies ever had.
Stranger Trevor: Are you saying that my comic may have inspired a Hollywood movie?
NC: You know that makes no sense.
Stranger Trevor: (lowers his head) I know.
NC (vo): But maybe others did. People took inspiration from The Matrix, gave their own spin on it, and then Lana was possibly inspired by that and put a new, unique spin on it. So in a way, it does kind of come full circle. Does it work? I guess not. I think the studio figured people wanted to see more flying around and overexplaining rather than a subdued and complex direction, but the first third is some of my favorite stuff in any of the Matrix movies. So even though I can't say it all comes together, a good chunk of it, I still found really fascinating, and I'm glad I got to see something more reflective and low-key. Eh, for a certain amount of time.
Stranger Trevor: So does this mean that we're not going to do a big flashy climax?
NC: (looking behind him) Oh, I don't think their heads can handle it, man.
(He ducks down again as Malcolm again flies at him, crashing into the wall yet again.)
Stranger Trevor: Perhaps it is time to let the Matrix...
(NC stares in wide-eyed amazement as Trevor reverts back to normal. Not only that, but the room is no longer bathed in green light.)
Trevor: ...become something else.
(Malcolm and Tamara, now also wearing their normal clothes, get up. But after hitting the wall so many times, they can barely stand up. They clutch at their heads in pain.)
Tamara: (dazed) Oh, hey, Critic! When did you become triplets?
NC: I'll fire you both later.
Malcolm: Oh, thank God.
NC: (walking up to Trevor, arms crossed) First, there's the small matter of Trevor's web comic.
Trevor: So you're gonna put Nexus Point in the review?
NC: (shakes head) Hell, no.
Trevor: (shocked) But you said you liked it.
NC: You tried to kill us, man. What kind of example would I be setting for Malcolm and Tamara?
Tamara: You can call me "Rachel Tietz".
Trevor: What the hell, dude? I had everything set to go!
NC: (shaking head) Sorry, it ain't happening.
Trevor: So, I can't say there are new episodes on Webtoons every Saturday, and they should just click the link in the subscription.
NC: No, and remind me to go back and edit that part out, because I might be too lazy and forget.
Trevor: Hey, for you, buddy.
NC: Now if you'll excuse me, where I'm going, (dons a pair of sunglasses) we don't need...roads.
Trevor: That's not even the right–
NC: (holds up hand) Hup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
(NC jumps into the air to fly away and crashes into the ceiling. Trevor watches him fall to the ground.)
NC: (clutching at his head in pain) OH, MY GOD, THAT WAS STUPID! OH, THAT HURT! (Trevor stares in disbelief.) OH, CHRIST! THERE'S A CEILING UP THERE! THE FLOOR HURTS!
(Malcolm and Tamara all agree inaudibly.)
Malcolm: Bullet Bills!
NC: FLOORS, CEILINGS!
Tamara: Cars!
NC: WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?!
Trevor: This place scares me. You all scare me. (leaves)
NC: WE'RE NOT ADULTS! WE ARE NOT ADULTS!
Channel Awesome Tagline – Bugs: Oh, honestly, when somebody offered me these things, I went off on binary conceptions of the world and said there was no way I was swallowing some symbolic reduction in my life...
(The credits roll.)