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'''NC:''' (vo) She outruns the cops and agents through effects that really don't hold up very well. and she's told to get to a phone, as it's her only exit to be teleported through.
  
'''NC:''' (vo) She outruns the cops and agents through effects that really don't hold up very well. and she's told to get to a phone, as it's her only exit to be teleported through.
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(''phone rings, as Trinity runs to beat the agent driving a dump truck'')
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'''NC:''' (vo) Have you ever wondered if just one time the ringing phone wasn't an exit, but instead was just a wrong number?
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(''Trinity answers the phone just as the truck crashes into the phone booth'')
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'''Rob:''' (''as phone advertiser'') Have you found Jesus?
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'''NC:''' (''as Trinity'') Oh shit!
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(''truck crashes through the phone booth and into brick wall'')
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'''Rob:''' (''as phone advertiser'') Eh, never mind. Sounds like you just did.
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(''cut to Neo sleeping in front of his computer'')
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'''NC:''' (vo) We then cut to Keanu Reeves as Neo, a good looking hacker who's about to realize all his years of staying indoors on his computer is about to make him a badass action hero, as well as the Messiah. (beat) I think I'm starting to understand this films' fan base.
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(''cut to Neo doing a deal with a group of people'')
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'''Neo:''' Got the money?
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'''Choi:''' Two grand.
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(''Neo hands a floppy disk to Choi'')
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'''Choi:''' Hallelujah. You're my savior, man. My own personal Jesus Christ.
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'''NC:''' Wow. You just said it. I mean there wasn't any like hidden messages or symbolism- No, you just said it! The film literally spelled out that he was the Messiah! (beat) What do the philosophy books have to say about that. (''philosophy books about The Matrix appear, such as "Taking The Red Pill", "The Matrix And Philosophy", "Like A Splinter In Your Mind", and "Philosophers Explore The Matrix"'') You know, all those books that came out that were like "Philosophy and The Matrix! Ooh! What does it mean?"- W-What did they say at that point? (''quote pops up saying "Confucius Say: Spend your Money Better"'') Ah.'' ''
 
{{NCscripts}}
  
{{NCscripts}}

Revision as of 21:18, 22 January 2015

The Matrix

Matrix

Released
January 13, 2015
Running time
32:51
Previous review
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Animatrix
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(We start off today's episode with lines of code raining down on the screen which not only has random Japanese hiragana, but also words like Bloated, Pretentious, Heavy Handed, Dated and Artsy, all of this being the Matrix Month card. Two voices start speaking as the camera continues to zoom in on the code.)

Voice 1: It's not possible.

Voice 2: It is.

Voice 1: I don't believe you.

Voice 2: Believe it.

Voice 1: I can't believe after all these years I'm finally discovering the truth!

(The camera zooms out to a hand holding a red Solo cup. Every scene is put through a green filter like the movies.)

Voice 2: Well, it is true.

(Voice 1 is Chester A. Bum)

Chester: You don't like The Matrix.

(Voice 2 is the Nostalgia Critic)

NC: Yes, I don't like The Matrix. (he takes a drink from his cup)

Chester: Oh, you're talking about the sequels.

NC: No, the original Matrix, all of them! I think they're dumb movies.

Chester: But everybody loves The Matrix!

NC: I don't! I think it's overrated! I mean, okay, it's not horrible or anything but when push comes to shove I think all of them are really silly films.

Chester: But it's symbolic and means stuff.

NC: Just because it's symbolic and means stuff doesn't automatically make it good. I mean, what, am I supposed to lie about my opinion? (Stands up and walks to the doorway)

Chester: You're gonna piss off so many people.

NC: (Standing at doorway) If there's anything Big Hero 6 has taught me is that even if you think a film is okay, the internet will accept it in a fair and balanced way. Besides, who's gonna take it that seriously?

(NC leaves to go refill his drink. Chester soon takes a drink before remembering it's his change cup and spits some coins back into it. When NC comes back, he's surprised to see an Agent (played by Doug) sitting at the table.)

Agent: (speaking like Agent Smith) Mr. Algiacritic.

NC: Who the fuck are you?

Agent: I hear tell that you don't like The Matrix. It's very understandable, Mr. Algiacritic. Most people have issues with the sequels.

NC: No, I'm not talking about the sequels. I'm talking about all of them. I just don't like The Matrix!

Agent: Really?

NC: And so what if I don't? What does it matter?

Agent: I represent the fanbase, Mr. Algiacritic. I am Agent Schmuck, and you should well know that everybody...loves...The Matrix.

NC: Well, I'm sorry. I just don't.

(We now come to our first set of clips showing the movie.)

NC (vo): I mean don't get me wrong, its technology and style inspired a lot in terms of cinema. For years, every film was trying to look like the Matrix. But even before the crowd hating sequels came out, I still thought this was a pretentious and silly film. Everyone saw it as this deep, mind-blowing experience when in truth, dozens of science fiction stories and movies have done this idea before: the idea that our reality is an illusion. Hell, some of the effects it's famous for were being done before this movie came out. (While Neo's bullet dodge scene is shown, a similar clip from Lost in Space is shown.) They just weren't perfected yet.

NC: It's got some clever stuff, but on the whole, I just didn't think it worked.

Schmuck: But Mr. Algiacritic, it's symbolic and means stuff. The film is a masterpiece by every definition of the word. It's almost as if the writers weren't even writing, but transcribing brilliance.

NC: Have you watched it recently? Like in the past ten years? It's just the eeny, teeny, bittiest dated.

Schmuck: I'll tell you what, Mr. Algiacritic, why don't you just explain why you do not like the movies.

NC: Okay, but only if you stop puckering your lips like that.

Schmuck: I make no promises.

NC: *sigh* (looking at the camera) All right, this is The Matrix.

Schmuck: Why are you looking over there?

NC: I dunno. Just feels right.

Schmuck: Ah.

NC: (vo) We start off in an era of film when the color green ruled the world for some reason, as secret agents arrive at a break in. And are so determined to convince you that they're "not" secret agents, that they actually wear sunglasses in the middle of the night. Maybe the Matrix is very bright?

Agent Smith: The orders were for your protection.

Cop: I think we can handle one little girl.

NC: (as the cop) I figure the more condescending I say it, the more ironic the following scene will be.

(cut to Trinity breaking loose from the officer trying to cuff her, then the camera circles the two as she jump kicks him in the chest)

NC: (vo) The person inside is Trinity, who likes to par-take in shots that at the time were awesome, but now just kinda seem weird and pointless. Perhaps it was done to show her legs look good from any angle?

NC: Which they do. They do.

NC: (vo) She outruns the cops and agents through effects that really don't hold up very well. and she's told to get to a phone, as it's her only exit to be teleported through.

(phone rings, as Trinity runs to beat the agent driving a dump truck)

NC: (vo) Have you ever wondered if just one time the ringing phone wasn't an exit, but instead was just a wrong number?

(Trinity answers the phone just as the truck crashes into the phone booth)

Rob: (as phone advertiser) Have you found Jesus?

NC: (as Trinity) Oh shit!

(truck crashes through the phone booth and into brick wall)

Rob: (as phone advertiser) Eh, never mind. Sounds like you just did.

(cut to Neo sleeping in front of his computer)

NC: (vo) We then cut to Keanu Reeves as Neo, a good looking hacker who's about to realize all his years of staying indoors on his computer is about to make him a badass action hero, as well as the Messiah. (beat) I think I'm starting to understand this films' fan base.

(cut to Neo doing a deal with a group of people)

Neo: Got the money?

Choi: Two grand.

(Neo hands a floppy disk to Choi)

Choi: Hallelujah. You're my savior, man. My own personal Jesus Christ.

NC: Wow. You just said it. I mean there wasn't any like hidden messages or symbolism- No, you just said it! The film literally spelled out that he was the Messiah! (beat) What do the philosophy books have to say about that. (philosophy books about The Matrix appear, such as "Taking The Red Pill", "The Matrix And Philosophy", "Like A Splinter In Your Mind", and "Philosophers Explore The Matrix") You know, all those books that came out that were like "Philosophy and The Matrix! Ooh! What does it mean?"- W-What did they say at that point? (quote pops up saying "Confucius Say: Spend your Money Better") Ah.

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