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The Mask
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Release Date
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September 22, 2021
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Running Time
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28:04
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Previous Review
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Next Review
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Link
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Video
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(After the intro, we see NC and Malcolm sitting in the living room as Tamara reads from some cards.)
Tamara: (reading a card) "I disagree."
NC: I think I'm wearing her down.
Tamara: Correct. (reading another card) "That's what you are, Ipkiss, a big..."
NC: Aren't you due back in the laboratory to get your bolts tightened?! I should have said that.
Tamara: Correct.
Malcolm: Critic, what's the point of this?
NC: The point is to win, and you're doing terrible.
Malcolm: I have no interest in showing off how well I know The Mask!
NC: And that's why you're losing. Continue, Tamara.
Tamara: (reading another card) "Our..."
NC: (dressed in the exact same French clothes the Mask wore in the film and speaking in his French accent) ...love is like a red, red rose, and I am a little thorny.
Tamara: Correct.
NC: Je t'adore! Je t'adore! Shoot the window, I don't care!
Tamara: (annoyed) Correct!
Malcolm: Please, I want to eat!
NC: No food for either of you until we go through every single line.
Tamara: Don't worry, I ate my words when I said this game sounds like fun.
Malcolm: Screw it. I'm going to make myself a sandwich. (begins to walk away)
NC: Oh, I wouldn't do that, Malcolm. I really wouldn't.
Malcolm: And what the hell are you going to do?
Tamara: Malcolm, don't tempt him!
NC: You're gonna regret it, buddy.
Malcolm: I'm making myself a sandwich!
NC: This is your last chance.
Tamara: Don't be a fool, Malcolm!
Malcolm: I don't think he can do a thing!
NC: Well, then go ahead. Go and make yourself a sandwich. (Malcolm walks into the kitchen, and...nothing happens. After a beat...) He's right, I got nothing. (Tamara throws the cards away and walks out of the room as well. NC turns to the camera.) Okay, I did this to show I really was obsessed with The Mask growing up.
(The film's title is shown, before showing its clips.)
NC (vo): I know I'm not the only one. Centered around an odd, plasticine cartoon character...who puts on a mask, this film was the first time state-of-the-art CG effects were used to blend real-life and cartoons as opposed to make dinosaurs or aliens come to life. When the trailer came out, people, particularly kids, were so excited that someone finally got the idea to use this technology in a zany way. And, of course, this wacky take on technology is used everywhere today, even in commercials. It also helped that they got the rapidly rising star of Jim Carrey and the first appearance of Cameron Diaz as well. Years later, people still look at this film as a fun, wild, nostalgic throwback.
(A clip from Star Wars is shown with the poster for Son of the Mask.)
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Before the dark times.
NC (vo): But I wanted to show that, even with my obsessive love of this movie, even back then, I still knew it wasn't...great. Now, don't worry, I'm not gonna pan this film at all. If anything, I'm curious why so much of it still works today when, honestly, a lot of it shouldn't. There's a ton of awkward moments, weird lines, and standard '90s clichés that were pretty formulaic even back then. Yet, something about it is still charming, imaginative, and weirdly one-of-a-kind. I guess I wanted to make it clear that even though I adore this movie, I still wanted to look at it objectively, for both its pros and cons.
NC: (now in his review room) So, now that I think I made my point clear...
Malcolm: Hey, Critic. (He and Tamara are shown holding sandwiches in their hands.) Want some of these gooey, messy sandwiches?
NC: Why, yes, that sounds lovely. Let me have it. (Instead, however, a smiling Malcolm and Tamara flip the bird at NC before leaving.) This is a weirdly anti-climactic episode. Let's take a look at The Mask.
(Several more clips are shown as we are shown images from the comic the film is based on.)
NC (vo): I guess I should point out, seeing how I did a whole video on it, that the film is quite different from the comic. The comic is dark, violent, gory as hell, and incredibly mean-spirited. (An image of NC giving a thumbs-up is shown.) It was fucking great. That's what they wanted to make when they hired director Charles Russell, who brought more comedy to the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, resulting in a big hit. New Line was hoping for The Mask to be the next Freddy Krueger, but as Russell pointed out, we already had a Freddy Krueger.
NC: So, he pushed to do something lighter, but still relatively new.
(As NC speaks, we eventually see the film opening in Edge City, where a scuba diver gets involved in an accident and accidentally causes an ancient Norse chest in the ocean to open, releasing a wooden mask. The film then cuts to the main character, Stanley Ipkiss, working at the bank.)
NC (vo): In fact, for better or worse, this is one of the perfect examples of transitioning from the aggressive, R-rated '80s to the light-hearted, PG-13-centered '90s. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to see the comic on the big screen now, with big-budgets trying to be more daring, but in the '90s, I can see why they did something more zany and relaxed. With that said, we open with credits rolling over Edge City...which I'm pretty sure is the city from Babe 2...where a scuba diver stumbles across Jumanji, but is accidentally taken out, unlocking an ancient mask. Not knowing this yet is Stanley Ipkiss, played, of course, by Jim Carrey, who got concert tickets for his would-be girlfriend, but she complains she wanted to take her friend with her instead of him.
Stanley Ipkiss: Why don't you just go with your friend?
Maggie: I couldn't do that.
Stanley: (smiles) No, come on.
NC: Boy, do I smell chicken, because...
NC (vo; mimicking a chicken): Cuck-cuck-cuck-cuck, cuck-cuck-cuck!
(Stanley's best friend, Charlie, approaches him.)
Charlie: That was the most sickening display I've ever seen.
Stanley: I disagree. I think I'm wearing her down.
(Clips focusing on Stanley are shown.)
NC (vo): Jim Carrey really is the perfect actor to play this role, not because of his over-the-top flexibility as the Mask, though that is certainly important...
NC: ...but because of his likability as Stanley Ipkiss.
NC (vo): Most actors I think would play this role too boring to contrast the other personality. Carrey himself said he didn't want people fidgeting in their seats saying, "Just get to the Mask already". And I still stand by, this is my favorite performance of his, as when he does other roles, it still feels like a performance.
NC: A good performance, but still a performance.
NC (vo): This just feels like how Jim Carrey probably was, a nice but awkward people-pleaser who's very expressive with his face. I also like that he doesn't hold back too much. He's still a little over-the-top, but in a way you feel like he would be in real life, especially given his obsession with cartoons. I firmly stand by that if Ipkiss didn't work, the movie wouldn't work.
NC: This is fortunate, as he and his comic relief...
NC (vo): ...Charlie, almost impressively have no chemistry together.
(We go back to the current scene of Charlie and Stanley speaking with each other.)
Charlie: Hold the phone. Killer at 3:00.
NC (vo): I never noticed it before, but these supposed best friends come off more like, well, actors who just met for the first time on set.
Charlie: Tonight, I'm gonna take you on a love safari, deep into the darkest heart of the urban jungle.
Stanley: Tell me more, bwana.
NC (vo): They're not awful, they're not even so bad, they're funny, they just leave no impression as a comic duo.
(Charlie is shown sniffing on a woman's coat.)
NC: That aged great.
(Stanley begins speaking with a new visitor, an attractive woman named Tina Carlyle, who is secretly the girlfriend of the town's local gangster, Dorian Tyrell, who schemes to overthrow his mob boss Niko and take over the city.)
NC (vo): Thankfully, the chemistry on them isn't focused as much as Carrey and then-former newcomer, Cameron Diaz. She plays Tina, a charming singer pretending to open an account, when really, she's a friend for a mob boss.
Freeze: What does Niko have to say about all of this?
Dorian Tyrell: Things change. First, we take the bank, then we take Niko, and then, my friend, school is out.
NC: (looking confused) Sorry, I accidentally put on Heat.
NC (vo): Peter Greene plays a gangster named Dorian, and I'm pretty sure nobody told him this was supposed to be a comedy, 'cause he plays this role like he's still in The Usual Suspects.
(We are shown a later scene of Dorian.)
Tina Carlyle: Did it look like I had much of a choice?
Dorian: Maybe you did. (throws a newspaper away) Maybe you didn't. Who knows, right?
NC (vo): While a part of me does wish he was funnier, it does help offset the goofier moments and give a few more surprises about what's around every corner. Is a scene with a gun gonna be funny or suspenseful? It helps mix things up. (That night, Stanley attempts to join Charlie at the Coco Bongo club while driving in a poorly-active car, but struggles to get through security led by Dorian, who owns the club.) Speaking of which, Stanley's repair shop lies about his car being ready, so they give him Fozzie's Studebaker to go to Dorian's club with his friends. He gets separated from them, though, and doesn't mix well with security, causing Dorian to say "lose him" twice.
Stanley: (to the guard) No, but my friends are on the inside...
Dorian: Lose him. Lose him.
NC: He's been talking like that ever since he did that job with Johnny Two-Times.
(A clip from GoodFellas is shown.)
Two-Times: I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.
NC (vo): Things get worse when a car ruins his suit.
(Tina approaches Stanley, whose suit is soaked.)
Tina: Mr. Ipkiss.
NC (vo; as Tina): Did you get my splash? I slipped the driver a 20 to do that.
(Stanley attempts to drive back home, but his faulty car breaks down in the middle of a bridge. While there, Stanley discovers the wooden mask in the water, and takes it home with him to his apartment, where he cheers himself up watching a cartoon on TV.)
NC (vo): Humiliated at the club, his car breaks down at a bridge, where he stumbles across the ancient mask. When he gets home, we see he's quite the cartoon nut, which, as I mentioned before, is cleverly worked in and arguably does explain his expressive faces. (Stanley puts on the mask and begins to undergo a transformation.) But they're given a massive makeover when he puts on the mask and transforms into the villain from The Care Bears Movie.
(Stanley has now become a mischievous green-faced figure known as "The Mask".)
The Mask: Sssssmokin'!
NC: So, fun fact, Carrey apparently improvised that line, as the original was "Snazzy".
NC (vo; dubs over the Mask): Sssssnazzy...! (speaks normally) I can't even finish it. You know it would suck.
(The grumpy manager, Mrs. Peenman, sees the Mask and screams loudly. The Mask mimics her loud scream while popping his eyes out. More clips focusing on the Mask's abilities to cartoonishly alter himself and other surroundings at will are shown.)
NC (vo): This is also where we get the intro of the photorealistic cartoon effects, which not only hold up pretty well, all things considered, but Carrey's performance does truly embrace them. This was new territory for effects like this, and he has no idea if they're gonna look good or not. But his acting never shows he has any doubt in them. If he's told his eyes are popping out in a scene, he does his damnedest to act like his eyes are popping out in a scene.
(The Mask bounces around the room as Mrs. Peenman attempts to shoot him with a shotgun.)
NC: I thought you'd all like to know, by the way, these scenes have the official...Tommy Lee Jones Seal of Buffoonery He Cannot Sanction.
(A logo showing that "title" is shown along with an image of Tommy Lee Jones. Later, the Mask confronts a group of thugs attempting to beat him up, but the thugs stop their attempts when the Mask acts as a balloon salesman.)
The Mask: Step right up here! Don't be shy!
(As NC speaks, we are shown snippets of the Mask's comical rampage, including turning the tables on the thugs by firing a Tommy Gun at them, and getting revenge on the car mechanics who sold his faulty car to him.)
NC (vo): Some of these moments are taken directly from the comic, like the balloon animals scene, where he makes a Tommy Gun, and the revenge he takes on the car mechanics. But instead of having cute little visual jokes on top of the punchline, they just...die.
(The sound of the Mask firing his Tommy Gun is heard.)
NC: (smiling) A kids show came from this. (An image of the complete first season of The Mask: The Animated Series appears in the top left corner.)
(The next morning, Stanley encounters hardened detective Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway and newspaper reporter Peggy Brandt, who are both investigating the Mask's activities.)
NC (vo): Stanley is questioned by both Lt. Kellaway, played by Peter Riegert, and a reporter named Peggy, played by Amy Yasbeck.
(Peggy arrives at the bank.)
Charlie: May I be of some assistance?
Peggy: Stanley Ipkiss? (Upon hearing that, Charlie silently points to where Stanley is at and walks away.) Oh, hi.
NC: This guy exits every scene like he's gonna go jerk off in the corner.
NC (vo): While interviewing him about the repair shop incident, Peggy discovers that Stanley wrote a letter to her that got published about nice guys finishing last.
Stanley: You really think hundreds of women are looking for a guy like me?
Peggy: Sure. I'm one of them.
NC (vo): The film does a real good job making you think Peggy is gonna be the wholesome woman Stanley goes with and Tina is gonna be the bad girl that ultimately betrays him, right down to one's a reporter and one's with the mob. This makes the twist all the more funny when you discover it's the other way around. (The film shows Niko confronting Dorian at his office.) But the movie has to remind you, "Oh, yeah, it's a bizarre crime drama, too."
Niko: The cops tried to shut the club down this morning.
(He hits a golf ball, using Dorian's mouth as the putter.)
Computer: 205 yards.
NC: Add a rope with a tennis ball hitting his testicles... (An image of a scene from Casino Royale is shown.) ...and this would totally be a James Bond torture.
(At his apartment that night, Stanley has a dream about Tina.)
NC (vo): That night, Stanley dreams about how his encounter with Tina might've gone if he was more confident.
(As Tina and Stanley are about to kiss, Tina suddenly licks Stanley's ear.)
NC: (as a director) All right, Miss Diaz, for your first film role, you're gonna take your leading man's head, turn it to the side, and lick his ear like your stardom is deep inside it. (speaks normally) You sure this wasn't a Weinstein production?
(Stanley wakes up and eventually gives into temptation to wear the mask again, now dressed in a yellow zoot suit. The Mask gets ready to go to the club, but on his way there, he takes a bunch of money from the city's bank, at the exact time Dorian's men, led by Freeze, were attempting to rob it themselves.)
NC (vo): This gives him the urge to put on the mask again, but he needs money, so he drops by the bank Dorian's men were robbing that night.
The Mask: (to Freeze and his men) Waste not, want not.
(He makes a funny taunting noise and speeds away, leaving Freeze and his men baffled at what just happened.)
NC: (smiling) They have a look like, "Oh, it's that kind of movie."
NC (vo; mimicking the thugs): "I thought this was a sequel to Donnie Brasco."
(Using the bank's money, the Mask gains easy entry to the Coco Bongo club, where he watches a performance from Tina and cheers her on while briefly taking on the form of a cartoon wolf. The Mask then takes the stage and starts another big band number, impressing Tina, and they both share a spectacular dance with each other.)
NC (vo): He shows up to the club to hear Tina sing, gives one of the few effects that doesn't hold up that great, and dances to the song you're almost "All Star" sick of, but not quite.
(That aforementioned song is "Hey! Pachuco!" by the Royal Crown Revue.)
NC: I guess this is as good a time as any to say the soundtrack is fucking great.
NC (vo): People always single out this and "Cuban Pete", but honestly, every song is really fantastic in this. The director said he wanted the city to really come to life at night as the Mask could only come to life at night, so he wanted it to be a very nightclub-centered world. And the music definitely helps that. Combining a strange mix of lounge, swing, and R&B, they surprisingly really go together and help already-entertaining scenes explode with even more energy.
NC: I mean it, every song in this is hummable as hell.
(Several songs from the soundtrack are heard, including "Hi De Ho" by K7, "Let the Good Times Roll" by Fishbone, "Who's That Man?" by Xscape, and "Gee, Baby, Ain't I Good To You", performed in the film itself by Tina Carlyle. We cut to an enraged Dorian, having discovered the Mask interfered with his robbery plans (and led to the death of Freeze in a police shootout), confronting the Mask along with another criminal named Orlando. They engage the Mask in a shootout, and apparently hit the Mask, who, dressed as a cowboy, stumbles towards Orlando and speaks his "final words" to him.)
NC (vo): I'll admit, some moments, I was afraid wouldn't hold up as well as when I first saw them, but for whatever reason, this, quote/unquote, "death scene" cracks me up the hell up.
The Mask: (to Orlando, who is slowly becoming emotional over the Mask) Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas. (makes several over-the-top coughs)
NC (vo): I can't even explain why. Maybe because this guy [Orlando] is supposed to look sad that he's dead while Carrey is aggressively manhandling him during his supposed final moments.
The Mask: (farts) Pardon me.
(NC cracks up laughing. As soon as the Mask "dies" in the crying Orlando's arms, an award is presented, which the Mask gleefully takes and basks in the applause of a cheering audience.)
NC (vo): Well, that's the closest to an Oscar he'll ever get.
NC: Two of my favorite little add-ons are in this joke.
NC (vo): One is Dorian straightening his hair when he discovers he's suddenly being watched, and the other is Carrey exiting the wrong way, like so many winners do on award shows.
(The Mask manages to escape, leaving Dorian and Orlando to be confronted by Kellaway and the police.)
Dorian: Hey, Kellaway.
Kellaway: You better call that high-price lawyer of yours, Tyrell. You and I are going downtown for a little chat.
NC: (as Dorian) We just threatened people with guns and fired them in public. You got nothing on us.
(The next morning, Kellaway discovers the Mask's actions of robbing the bank.)
NC (vo): Once it's revealed that the Mask robbed the bank, Dorian is set loose and puts out a hit on the green menace.
Dorian: Fifty grand to the man who finds that green-faced son of a bitch before the cops do. I want you to get the word out to every street hustler, to every lowlife in this town.
NC: (as Dorian) I want you to hit up every '90s gangster in black suits, driving black cars, using this voice!
(And we go to the commercial. When we come back, we see Stanley return to the bank, where he meets up with Tina.)
NC (vo): Tina visits Stanley to see if he knows anything about the Mask, seeing how it was his bank that he robbed.
Tina: Anyone find out who he is?
Stanley: Why, you interested?
Tina: Thanks for everything, Stanley. (begins to leave)
Stanley: You'd like to see him again, wouldn't you?
NC: (beat) Anyone else get a serial killer vibe from that look?
Stanley: You'd like to see him again, wouldn't you?
(Stanley's face is shown in close-up as a deep voice is heard.)
Deep voice (NC): He'd like to see you, too. All of you.
(A image of Stanley's face is shown Photoshopped on an image of Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs.)
Frightened voice (NC): HE PUTS LOTION ON SKIN!
(Later that day, Stanley consults Dr. Arthur Neuman, a psychiatrist who has recently published a book on masks.)
NC (vo): He takes his mask to a professor, played by Ben Stein, who connects it back to the ancient trickster, Loki.
Dr. Neuman: Possibly a representation of one of these Norse night gods, maybe Loki.
Stanley: Who's Loki?
NC: Loki is bank. (An image of President Loki from the MCU series Loki is shown.)
NC (vo): Stein's underacting perfectly offsets Carrey's overacting, and I legit love that nobody figures out because Loki is a night god, it would only work at night, so this reaction is always a surprise and gets a big laugh.
(Stanley attempts to transform into the Mask, but nothing happens. He performs some wacky dances and makes funny noises trying to transform, as Dr. Neuman watches in silence.)
NC: (as Dr. Neuman) This is why I don't believe in evolution.
(Outside, Kellaway is waiting in a car as his partner, Doyle, approaches him with some food.)
Doyle: Do you have a pickle relish?
Kellaway: Doyle, get in the car.
Doyle: But I ordered onion rings.
Kellaway: (annoyed) Doyle!
NC: I should point out this is the very sudden beginning of Kellaway and his assistant Doyle doing the smart cop/dumb cop routine.
NC (vo): At first, Doyle is just a normal guy. He talks with Kellaway like anyone else would.
(We see an earlier moment of Doyle speaking with Kellaway.)
Doyle: Well, we got some fingerprints from some of the currency, but nothing matches Tyrell's men. Looks like this guy beat him to the punch.
(Now we are shown several scenes of Kellaway and Doyle together, with Doyle acting a little dim-witted.)
NC (vo): But halfway through, they spontaneously make him a dumbass always getting on Kellaway's nerves. It's completely out of nowhere.
(In a fast-paced montage, we are shown scenes of Kellaway being annoyed with Doyle. First, the earlier scene in the car.)
Kellaway: Doyle!
(Next, a scene showing the two of them handcuffed together.)
Kellaway: Doyle!
(Next, a scene showing the two of them trying to climb over a large door.)
Doyle: Not bad.
Kellaway: Shut up and help me down!
Doyle: All right.
(Next, a scene showing Doyle attempting to dance to a musical number, but Kellaway stops him.)
Kellaway: You start dancing, I'll blow your brains out.
(Lastly, a scene showing Doyle attempting to thank Stanley.)
Doyle: Wow, you're a real hero.
Kellaway: Doyle!
NC: It'd be like if Timon and Pumbaa, halfway through Lion King, change gears and became a no-nonsense cop duo. (An image of Jenko and Schmidt from 21 Jump Street, with Timon and Pumbaa's faces Photoshopped on the their heads, is shown.)
NC (vo): It'd be out of left field, but kind of funny, too.
(That night, at a park, Stanley meets with Tina again.)
Tina: Stanley.
NC (vo): Stanley meets Tina at Landfill Park...this city is so close to having a strong identity...
(Stanley soon runs away and changes into the Mask, who attempts to romance Tina, albeit in an over-the-top, Pepe Le Pew fashion.)
NC (vo): ...but he changes into the Mask, much to her...delight? Confusion? Fear? It's a little hard to get a read on her in these scenes.
(Kellaway and Doyle show up to arrest the Mask.)
Kellaway: Ipkiss, police!
(The Mask eventually manages to escape and runs over to another city block, where he locks the gate and prevents Kellaway and Doyle from getting out...only to discover that at the city block, he is cornered by an even larger group of cops. The Mask immediately changes into a Cuban outfit and performs a song about to be mentioned, a song which eventually gets all the cops to dance and sing along.)
NC (vo): The cops try to arrest him, but he outsmarts them, only to be cornered by a SWAT team. This leads to, let's face it, what you've been humming since you saw the thumbnail for this video.
The Mask: (singing) They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat.
NC: "Cuban Pete" is one of the catchiest earworms in a soundtrack that already has a lot of earworms.
NC (vo): I have to admit, though, when I think of pure silly joy in a movie, this sequence always pops in my head. It is the most upbeat, surreal, out-of-nowhere musical number at the time since "Day-O" from Beetlejuice. I feel like if this was done today, they'd do some sort of modern pop song. I really give credit that they stuck with something more traditionally zany.
NC: This cop in particular does a really amazing job.
(At one point, the Mask approaches a female cop and makes a magic gesture. Immediately, the cop begins singing to the song, and although she's stunned at what's happening, she gives in and starts dancing.)
Cop: (singing) He's really modest guy, although he's the hottest guy.
NC: Really think about what she has to do.
NC (vo): She has to be in cop mode, start singing while in cop mode, get across the singing is against her will, indicate her body is going through the same thing, and then be totally possessed by the Mask's powers, all within the span of just five seconds.
NC: As well as while a Surf Ninjas poster is staring her in the face.
(A poster for Surf Ninjas is shown in the background of a city's movie theater.)
NC (vo): I don't know. Even if I saw this all going on, I'd still be distracted, "What the hell is Surf Ninjas?"
(The Mask dances with the female cop.)
The Mask: (singing) Then we shall try, just you and I.
NC: Oh, and she can dance.
NC (vo): For not even having a minute of screentime, that cop leaves quite the impression. (The Mask eventually flees from the police and takes the mask off, turning him back into Stanley.) Stanley finds a corner and takes the mask off...
NC: I never understood why.
(Stanley is helped to escape by Peggy.)
NC (vo): ...but Peggy is there to help him escape.
Stanley: My life is wrecked. Wrecked.
NC (vo): Stanley opens up to Peggy, who, at first, seems sympathetic, but as mentioned, she was working for Dorian.
(During their conversation, Dorian and his men suddenly come in.)
Stanley: What are you doing?
Peggy: You really are a great guy, I just can't lose my condo.
NC: If it makes you feel any better, Stanley, I don't think sex with her would've worked out anyway. (An image of Maid Marian's chastity belt from Robin Hood: Men in Tights is shown.)
Dorian: Is this him?
NC (vo; as Dorian): Don't mess with me, I got my sideways gun man with me, bro.
(Dorian takes the mask and puts it on, beginning to transform.)
NC: So this is where the movie gets a little dumb.
NC (vo): If you're like me, you're excited to see what the mask would do with a criminal like Dorian. Would it make him wild and zany, or would it turn him into some sort of out-there monster, like in the later comics? (Dorian becomes a bulky and malevolent green-faced being.) Well, it...pushes him forward a few feet, and just makes him bigger and meaner.
Mask Dorian: What a rush!
Eddy: You okay?
Mask Dorian: Better than ever, you idiot.
NC (vo): Dorian with the mask feels like one of the lesser villains from Captain Planet. (An image of Duke Nukem from Captain Planet and the Planeteers is shown.) He says very generic villain lines, does very generic villain stuff.
Mask Dorian: (various scenes) This is your big production number! / JUST WAIT! / I will be your host for the remainder of the evening.
NC (vo): Even the design is kind of lame. He kind of looks like a green version of that Terminator toy when the hair stayed on. Admittedly, though, he does look better than every movie version of the Green Goblin.
(We cut to a deleted scene.)
Peggy: Back off, Freakazoid!
NC (vo): Oh, I should point out there was a deleted scene that showed Peggy dying, and...yeah, it was deleted with good reason.
(In that scene, Mask Dorian kills Peggy by throwing her into a printing press. After that, newspapers come out with an image of Peggy and a headline saying "Reporter Killed in Freak Accident".)
NC: Guy who did Nightmare 3, you don't say. (An image of Freddy Krueger is shown with the caption, "Welcome to primetime, bitch!")
(Dorian then turns Stanley in to the police, and they throw him in a jail cell.)
NC (vo): Dorian drops him off to the cops, who put him in jail because...yeah, he does technically belong there...but he's visited by Tina.
(The next day, a guard knocks on Stanley's cell door as Tina comes to visit.)
Guard: Hey, you with the face.
NC: Before he was a household name, that's how Jim Carrey was referred to.
NC (vo): They talk about the power of the Mask, what Dorian could do with it, and the special, if not, strange relationship they have together.
Tina: Thanks.
Stanley: For what?
Tina: For being the only guy who treated me like a person and not some sort of party favor.
NC: Yes, he...really loved you for your personality. (The scene of the Mask taking on the form of a cartoon wolf is shown briefly.)
NC (vo): Okay, to her credit, I think she was talking about him when he wasn't wearing the mask. But that doesn't mean she has to follow all the way through with a kiss.
Tina: I gotta disappear for a while now, Stanley.
(A caption "Blue Balls Scale" is shown with an explosion. Tina attempts to leave the city, only to be confronted by Dorian.)
Dorian: Baby, there you are.
NC (vo; as Dorian): I needed someone to tell me how stupid my suit was.
Dorian: You planning a little trip without me, baby?
Tina: No.
Dorian: No? (pushes her against the wall)
NC: Jesus! It's The Mask!
NC (vo): Peter Greene is like... (mimics Greene) What? I read the comic. (mimics the director) Oh, we forgot to have that talk. Um, yes, that's the kind of movie we're making. (mimics the director's assistant) But it's not. (mimics the director) I'm not telling him that! He'll kill me!
(Stanley's pet dog, Milo, arrives to help Stanley break out of prison.)
NC (vo): Stanley uses his dog Milo to get the keys from the cops, and I gotta say, as animal actors go, Milo is one of the best in cinematic history. This dog has so much personality and is so ridiculously well-trained.
Stanley: Put the cheese down. (Milo puts down the cheese he was holding.) And get the keys. Go on. Over there. Over there.
NC (vo): If there was, like, an animal Oscars, he would totally get an award that year.
(Immediately after breaking out, Stanley takes Kellaway hostage and forces him to come along.)
Stanley: Hold it!
NC (vo): Stanley gets out, taking Kellaway with him, and maybe one of the best Doyle reactions in the movie...
(As Stanley and Kellaway get in the car, Milo quickly joins them. Doyle, seeing all of this, makes a confused face before walking away.)
NC (vo): Well, that invites no follow-ups.
(At the Coco Bongo club, Dorian, again wearing the mask, breaks in with his men, and uses the Mask's powers to kill Niko, before beginning his robbery of the club and preparing to blow it up, taking Tina and many innocent lives with it.)
NC (vo): ...as Dorian gets revenge on his boss and plans to blow up the nightclub.
Mask Dorian: (noticing a piggy bank-shaped container full of money) Blow it! (His men shoot the container.)
NC (vo; as Mask Dorian): I was talking to her, but that works, too.
(Stanley, who was attempting to sneak in, is immediately caught by Orlando.)
Stanley: Crap.
NC (vo): Stanley is captured, but Tina has a plan of her own.
Mask Dorian: (to Tina) There's no time for last requests.
Tina: But all I wanted was a kiss.
Mask Dorian: A kiss? (makes a slightly aroused expression)
NC: (looking uneasy) I really didn't need to see Mask-Dorian's thirst face.
Tina: Nobody ever kissed me like Dorian Tyrell.
(Dorian takes off the mask and turns back to normal, giving Tina a kiss.)
NC (vo; as Dorian): You know, I saw this in every Saturday morning show ever made, but I doubt it'll end the same way in those days... (As Dorian kisses Tina, she kicks the mask off of his hand.) Oh, crap!
(Milo catches the mask and soon puts it on.)
NC (vo): Milo gets the mask and puts it on.
(Milo transforms into a green-faced monstrous version of himself, with a spiked collar to boot. He roars at Eddy, who gets scared and runs away. Milo smiles crazily and runs off.)
NC: This dog is actually such a good actor, no CG was used in the filming of these scenes.
(Stanley retrieves the mask and puts it on one more time.)
NC (vo): Stanley gets the mask back on, resulting in a weird jump cut that always drove me a little crazy...
NC: (rubbing his head) Oh, Christ, I have seen this film too much.
(The Mask saves Tina by swallowing the bomb, and then literally flushes Dorian down the drain of the club's ornamental fountain.)
NC (vo): ...and he uses his power to get rid of the bomb and Dorian as well.
(The Mask then looks at Tina, throws his cigar away and takes off his hat, still leaving his smiling expression intact.)
NC: That might be the one time Carrey didn't know what face to have for a scene.
NC (vo): He has a look like, "You took the last French crueler, and I'm not gonna let you forget about it." (Stanley then removes the mask and is cleared of all charges by Mayor Tilton, who praises Stanley for his heroic actions and declares that Dorian Tyrell was the Mask all along, much to Kellaway's frustration.) He turns back into himself and seems to be off the hook, as everyone except Kellaway thinks Dorian was the Mask all along.
Mayor Tilton: I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow.
Kellaway: Yes, your honor.
Doyle: Boy, that doesn't sound good at all.
Kellaway: No, it doesn't sound good. What sounds good to you?
Doyle: Breakfast.
Kellaway: Shut up!
(A credit that says "Executive Producer - Peter Engel" is shown with the theme from Saved By the Bell playing. The next day, Stanley, Tina, Milo and Charlie arrive at the bridge.)
NC (vo): They drive to the bridge where the mask was found and decide to get rid of it for good.
Charlie: You sure you know what you're doing, buddy?
Stanley: I'm sure.
NC (vo; as Stanley): It's time to give Jamie Kennedy a chance to ruin his career.
(Tina throws the mask away and kisses Stanley.)
NC (vo): The mask is tossed over, but not before Charlie goes diving in after it.
(Stanley and Tina continue kissing, as an overjoyed Stanley says "Smokin'!" in the Mask's voice.)
NC (vo; dubbing over Stanley): Ssssssnazzy! (speaks normally) Yeah, that still would've sounded awful.
NC: And that was The Mask. By no means perfect, but the parts that work are insanely likeable.
(Footage of the movie plays out as NC gives his closing thoughts.)
NC (vo): A lot of that is around Jim Carrey, both as the Mask, but especially Stanley Ipkiss. He gives an energized yet unique spin on the loveable loser that I feel actors have borrowed from since this film came out. But on top of that, the effects mostly hold up, it's colorful, has a great soundtrack, at times can be awkward, but I feel like that can slide because the film is so focused on giving you a good time. It's a corny, old-fashioned good time, but a good time nonetheless. So whether you obsessed over it like I did when you were a kid, maybe hated it as an adult, or were just indifferent to it, there's definitely stuff about it that's a little clunky, but a lot more that holds real merit. It's never too late to go back and give yourself another smokin' good time.
(Malcolm and Tamara suddenly come back.)
Tamara: Oh, yeah? If you're such a superfan of the movie, what friend of Jim Carrey was also considered for the role?
NC: What does it matter? Clearly, no one would be better for the part.
Malcolm: Oh? Not even...Nicolas Cage? (Upon hearing that name, NC begins thinking. "In the Hall of the Mountain King" plays as we are shown Photoshopped images of Nicolas Cage's face as the Mask. NC becomes extremely stunned.) Yeah, nobody can operate properly once they have that in their heads.
(Both Malcolm and Tamara walk away.)
Tamara: Hey, if we brought it up, how come we're not traumatized...?
(The sound of a glass breaking is heard.)
Channel Awesome Tagline – Doyle: Eesay ouyay aterlay!
(The credits roll.)