The Lost Boys

Lost boys nc.jpg

Release Date
October 7, 2020
Running Time
21:51
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(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by this year's Nostalgia-Ween opening. This year, it parodies the opening of The Real Ghostbusters. It shows a demented version of The Cat in the Hat strutting down the street. He passes by Chester A. Bum, who has toys of Chucky, the Grinch and the Lorax in a shopping cart. The Cat then walks past Doe standing over a fire in a steel drum. The Cat then jumps at the camera, laughing maniacally as his face covers the screen. Then a red circle with a line through the center blocks his path.)

Crowd of singers:

♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪

(We then cut to the Nostalgia Critic's office, where his secretary (played by Aiyanna) receives a call.)

Singer: (to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme)

♪ There's a Hollywood flick ♪
♪ And a wacky critic ♪

(In shock, Aiyanna pulls the phone away and pushes a button reading "Red Button". Then an alarm on the wall (the bell in the shape of the Cat in the Hat's head) rings. The alarm is heard all over the office, as Santa Christ and Bill look up.)

Singer:

♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪

(The Critic falls over in his chair in response to the ringing.)

Singers:

♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪

(Also hearing the ringing is Hyper Fangirl, who was about to eat a fish sandwich, but she puts it away and runs off. Suddenly, a cat ghost (Chaplin) pops up and eats the sandwich.)

Singer:

♪ There's another remake, ♪
♪ Another mistake ♪

(HFG and Bill slide down a fire pole and everyone runs into a parked van in the garage, which has the words "ECTO COOLER" written on the license plate and has the green goblin from Maximum Overdrive on the front. The eyes, acting as headlights, light up.)

Singer:

♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪

(Aiyanna blows a kiss toward the van as Chaplin the ghost flies down and rubs against her face, leaving ecto plasma on her lips.)

Singers:

♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪

(Chaplin clings to the truck, which then smashes out of the Channel Awesome studio through the closed doors. We then cut to a series of characters from past movies NC reviewed before: Casper, Leprechaun, the 2019 version of Kim Possible, Dr. Smith, Zack Snyder (who holds Batman and Superman figures in his hands), the Joker as played by Jared Leto, both the 1990 and 2017 versions of Pennywise, and Tommy Wiseau (who holds a football) and laughs in his usual way.)

Singer: This movie sucks!

(The ghostbusters arrive and aim their guns at the monsters.)

Singer:

♪ Oh! ♪

(The monsters get scared as the ghostbusters activate their guns.)

Singers:

♪ Any movies make me suck! ♪

(The monsters are hit by the guns as they get sucked into the ghost containment unit.)

Tommy Wiseau: You are tearing me apart, Lisa!

Singer:

♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪

(The ghostbusters pull off celebratory poses.)

Singers:

♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪

(The scene flips to the NostalgiaWeen title card.)

Singer:

♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪

(Chaplin and another ghost cat, presumably Buster, form the year "2020".)

Deep voice:

♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪

(The animator and composer are shown before fading to NC in his usual spot, wearing his NostalgiaWeen jacket)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. And to celebrate the start of NostalgiaWeen, I'd like to pay tribute to a very talented director. (A shot of Joel Schumacher appears in the corner) Yes, that's the right picture.

(A montage of shots of Schumacher is shown)

NC (vo): With the loss of Joel Schumacher this year, I want to do something I don't think I've ever done on this show: praise him. Not only did he seem like one of the most gentle human beings, being the butt of many jokes and still taking it all with a kind smile, but he did direct some very good films. We've talked in great detail about...

(Shots of posters of Schumacher films that NC looked at in the past are shown: Batman Forever, The Phantom of the Opera, and of course, Batman & Robin)

NC (vo): ...his follies. And give him credit; when he crashed and burned, he did it like nobody else.

(Footage of some better Schumacher films are shown next)

NC (vo): But that doesn't mean he hasn't done some wonderful work as well, with some absolute greats like Falling Down, A Time To Kill, Tigerland...

NC: ...and let's not forget his absolute best... (The poster for The Lost Boys starts to fade in, but is cut off by the poster for Falling Down) It's still Falling Down, but (The Lost Boys poster cuts back in) this is a close second.

(The title for The Lost Boys is shown, followed by footage of it)

NC (vo): A lot of people ask, "How the hell did they pick Schumacher to take over for Burton with the Batman movies?" Well, if you saw this film, chances are, you might have picked him, too. Released in 1987, Lost Boys is a very wild, dark, hugely entertaining flick that balances being grim and dreary with being ridiculous and fun. It's not often you can say that Joel Schumacher directed a cool, badass movie, but I'll be damned if that's not exactly what he did here, with a great style, likeable characters, and an interesting story that honestly did more with vampires (A rapid-fire montage of posters for other vampire movies is shown: Van Helsing, Dark Shadows, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Twilight) than a lot of other popular vampire stories did. It's one of his best, and we're gonna look it over today. So, in honor of a fallen talent, let's start off NostalgiaWeen with...

NC: One for me... (takes a box of Frankenberry cereal and pours the cereal into his mouth) and one for Joel... (pours some cereal into a bowl offscreen) This is Lost Boys. (nods)

NC (vo): The film opens with a gang of mullets lead by a kid named David, played by Kiefer Sutherland, checking out some prey down by the boardwalk.

(A policeman walking across the boardwalk's mostly empty parking lot looks up and spots something. He freaks out and runs for his police car, but it won't open)

NC: (as policeman) Dammit, this must be one of those new cars that requires keys!

(The policeman finally takes his keys and opens the door, but it's too late. Whatever it was that was after him pulls him away, ripping the car door off in the process)

NC (vo; as policeman): Keys will be the death of us all! (normal) We next cut to a family moving to Santa Carla. There's Dianne Wiest as the mother [Lucy], because that's just what you do with Dianne Wiest; Corey Haim as her son, Sam; and Jason Patric as his brother, Michael. It's a strange town where rodents get laid, women just look at each other, wall whales are up 20%... (A shot of a caveman figure in a chairlift ride is shown) this...and all work is outlawed.

Michael: (to a gas station attendant) Is there any jobs around here?

Attendant: Nothing legal.

NC: I'll just pretend California has changed a lot since then.

[...]

(Footage of the film plays out as we go to NC's final thoughts)

NC (vo): Lost Boys is so much fun. It has a good sense of humor, a dark style, and an atmosphere that’s all its own. Everyone looks like they’re having a ball acting in it, and the tone is so goofily back and forth that you have no idea if you’re gonna see something cool, funny, or both around every corner. It’s one of the films that put Schumacher on the map and you can see why. It is hugely entertaining. So, whatever your thoughts are on his lesser works, you can’t ignore how unique and engaging his stronger pieces are. If you want to see a movie this Halloween that knows how to combine suspense and laughs, Lost Boys is a good one to check out.

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