The Lost Boys
October 7, 2020
(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by this year's Nostalgia-Ween opening. This year, it parodies the opening of The Real Ghostbusters. It shows a demented version of the Cat in the Hat strutting down the street. He passes by Chester A. Bum, who has toys of Chucky, the Grinch and the Lorax in a shopping cart. The Cat then walks past Doe standing over a fire in a steel drum. The Cat then jumps at the camera, laughing maniacally as his face covers the screen. Then a red circle with a line through the center blocks his path.)
Crowd of singers:
- ♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪
(We then cut to the Nostalgia Critic's office, where his secretary (played by Aiyanna) receives a call.)
Singer: (to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme)
- ♪ There's a Hollywood flick ♪
- ♪ And a wacky critic ♪
(In shock, Aiyanna pulls the phone away and pushes a button reading "Red Button". Then an alarm on the wall (the bell in the shape of the Cat in the Hat's head) rings. The alarm is heard all over the office, as Santa Christ and Bill look up.)
- ♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪
(The Critic falls over in his chair in response to the ringing.)
- ♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪
- ♪ There's another remake, ♪
- ♪ Another mistake ♪
(HFG and Bill slide down a fire pole and everyone runs into a parked van in the garage, which has the words "ECTO COOLER" written on the license plate and has the green goblin from Maximum Overdrive on the front. The eyes, acting as headlights, light up.)
- ♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪
(Aiyanna blows a kiss toward the van as Chaplin the ghost flies down and rubs against her face, leaving ecto plasma on her lips.)
- ♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪
(Chaplin clings to the truck, which then smashes out of the Channel Awesome studio through the closed doors. We then cut to a series of characters from past movies NC reviewed before: Casper, Leprechaun, the 2019 version of Kim Possible, Dr. Smith, Zack Snyder (who holds Batman and Superman figures in his hands), the Joker as played by Jared Leto, both the 1990 and 2017 versions of Pennywise, and Tommy Wiseau (who holds a football) and laughs in his usual way.)
Singer: This movie sucks!
(The ghostbusters arrive and aim their guns at the monsters.)
- ♪ Oh! ♪
(The monsters get scared as the ghostbusters activate their guns.)
- ♪ Any movies make me suck! ♪
(The monsters are hit by the guns as they get sucked into the ghost containment unit.)
Tommy Wiseau: You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
- ♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪
(The ghostbusters pull off celebratory poses.)
- ♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪
(The scene flips to the NostalgiaWeen title card.)
- ♪ Whatcha gonna watch? ♪
(Chaplin and another ghost cat, presumably Buster, form the year "2020".)
- ♪ Nostalgia-Ween! ♪
(The animator and composer are shown before fading to NC in his usual spot, wearing his NostalgiaWeen jacket)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. And to celebrate the start of NostalgiaWeen, I'd like to pay tribute to a very talented director. (A shot of Joel Schumacher appears in the corner) Yes, that's the right picture.
(A montage of shots of Schumacher is shown)
NC (vo): With the loss of Joel Schumacher this year, I want to do something I don't think I've ever done on this show: praise him. Not only did he seem like one of the most gentle human beings, being the butt of many jokes and still taking it all with a kind smile, but he did direct some very good films. We've talked in great detail about...
NC (vo): ...his follies. And give him credit; when he crashed and burned, he did it like nobody else.
(Footage of some better Schumacher films are shown next)
NC (vo): But that doesn't mean he hasn't done some wonderful work as well, with some absolute greats like Falling Down, A Time To Kill, Tigerland...
NC: ...and let's not forget his absolute best... (The poster for The Lost Boys starts to fade in, but is cut off by the poster for Falling Down) It's still Falling Down, but (The Lost Boys poster cuts back in) this is a close second.
(The title for The Lost Boys is shown, followed by footage of it)
NC (vo): A lot of people ask, "How the hell did they pick Schumacher to take over for Burton with the Batman movies?" Well, if you saw this film, chances are, you might have picked him, too. Released in 1987, Lost Boys is a very wild, dark, hugely entertaining flick that balances being grim and dreary with being ridiculous and fun. It's not often you can say that Joel Schumacher directed a cool, badass movie, but I'll be damned if that's not exactly what he did here, with a great style, likeable characters, and an interesting story that honestly did more with vampires (A rapid-fire montage of posters for other vampire movies is shown: Van Helsing, Dark Shadows, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Twilight) than a lot of other popular vampire stories did. It's one of his best, and we're gonna look it over today. So, in honor of a fallen talent, let's start off NostalgiaWeen with...
NC: One for me... (takes a box of Frankenberry cereal and pours the cereal into his mouth) and one for Joel... (pours some cereal into a bowl offscreen) This is Lost Boys. (nods)
NC (vo): The film opens with a gang of mullets lead by a kid named David, played by Kiefer Sutherland, checking out some prey down by the boardwalk.
(A policeman walking across the boardwalk's mostly empty parking lot looks up and spots something. He freaks out and runs for his police car, but it won't open)
NC: (as policeman) Dammit, this must be one of those new cars that requires keys!
(The policeman finally takes his keys and opens the door, but it's too late. Whatever it was that was after him pulls him away, ripping the car door off in the process)
NC (vo; as policeman): Keys will be the death of us all! (normal) We next cut to a family moving to Santa Carla. There's Dianne Wiest as the mother [Lucy], because that's just what you do with Dianne Wiest; Corey Haim as her son, Sam; and Jason Patric as his brother, Michael. It's a strange town where rodents get laid, women just look at each other, wall whales are up 20%... (A shot of a caveman figure in a chairlift ride is shown) this...and all work is outlawed.
Michael: (to a gas station attendant) Is there any jobs around here?
Attendant: Nothing legal.
NC: I'll just pretend California has changed a lot since then.
NC (vo): They visit their grandfather who lives on...Legends of the Fall, which disappoints the boys immensely. Can you guess why?
Sam: (to Michael) There's no TV. (The words "TV COUNT: 1" pop up to a ding) Have you seen a TV? (The "TV COUNT" goes up to 2) I haven't seen a TV. (Now 3) You know what it means when there's no TV? (4) No MTV. (5)
NC: For those wondering, TV is what we used to use to waste our time and hate each other before the Internet.
(The grandfather (played by Barnard Hughes) opens the refrigerator. One of the shelves has a door labeled "OLD FART", which he opens)
Grandfather: The second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my root beers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. (closes fridge) Nobody touches the second shelf but me.
NC: (shakes head) I've only just met you, but you're my hero.
(That night, a concert by Tim Cappello is taking place, which Sam and Michael attend)
NC (vo): In case you forgot this is a Schumacher movie...
Tim Cappello: (singing) But I still believe...
(Sam spots a cute girl and tries to get Michael's attention to get him to look at her)
NC: Oh, yeah, he's definitely looking at her. Let's see the original edit Joel probably had in mind...
(As the brothers are shown, the word "Boys..." appears, then as Sam tries to get Michael to look at the girl, the word "GIRLS!" pops up. As Michael expresses hesitance at the girl, the words "But... BOYS!" pop up)
NC: Just be who you are, man!
Offscreen voice: Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna hang with some boys in black leather. (NC nods) I just outed myself, didn't I?
NC: You should be proud.
NC (vo): Their mother applies for a job at a video store ran [sic] by a guy named Max, who I swear is (A shot of Dr. Egon Spengler, as seen in The Real Ghostbusters is shown off to the side) cartoon Egon, and Sam walks into a comic store run by two sleeping parents and their two boys, Edgar and Alan, played by Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander. They, are the best part of this movie.
Sam: I'm looking for a "Batman #14".
Alan: That's a very serious book, man.
Edgar: Only five in existence.
Sam: Four, actually. I'm always looking out for the other three.
NC: This is how nerds wish the world talked. (nods)
NC (vo): And yes, I too see the irony about how much a Joel Schumacher movie is bragging about how much it understands Batman. Clearly, it should have taken a page from how much (The poster for the following is superimposed...) The New Mutants understands X-Men. Michael follows (A shot of Esmerelda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame is superimposed) '80s Esmerelda and finds she hangs with a band of neck-hairs.
Michael: (to the girl (Jami Gertz)) What's your name?
Michael: Oh, your folks, too, huh?
Star: What do you mean?
Michael: Ex-hippies. I came (holds up fingers close together) this close to being called "Moonbeam".
NC: (as Michael) My father is Elon Musk, so he almost didn't even use letters.
NC (vo): He's told to meet her and the gang at Hudson's Bluff – if he can keep up with them on their bikes.
(The motorcycle race goes across the beach and under the pier)
NC: Mmm...this is cool, but it needs far more...
(As the race continues, a shot of the following two people are shown in the corner...)
NC (vo): ...Alicia Silverstone and Coolio.
(We then cut back to the boys' grandfather's house, where Sam is in bed reading comic books, when his mother Lucy comes in)
Lucy: Ten o'clock, lights out.
NC (vo): Back at home, Sam's mom wishes him good night, but he asks her to close the closet.
Lucy: This is a terrible thing to admit. One of the reasons I divorced your father was because he never believed (whispers) in the closet monster!
NC: (as Sam) Way to mix humor with parental abandonment issues, Ma!
NC (vo): To be fair, given the tone and wardrobe of this film, I'd say the closet did play a part in why they broke up.
Grandfather: Brought you a little somethin' to dress up your room with, Sam. (holds up a taxidermied beaver)
NC: (as the grandfather) You know, in case you come across wood!
Offscreen voice: Grandpa!
NC: (as grandfather) Oh, come on! You know that's the only beaver we're gonna see in this bedroom!
NC (vo): And for those who think I'm going too far with that joke, he puts the beaver away in the closet behind this poster! (...which is of a man lifting up a tank top and scratching his stomach)
NC: As a comedian, I'm only human!
NC (vo): At the gang's hideout, Michael's given some Chinese food which he's told is maggots.
David: You're eating maggots; how do they taste?
(Michael looks down at the Chinese box, which is crawling with live maggots. Michael gags and spits out the maggots while everyone else laughs)
NC: (shrugs) I've seen some Chinese buffets serve worse.
NC (vo): He goes through an initiation of sorts when they ask him to drink a bottle of blood. What a sheep! If all your friends jumped off a bridge– Hey, they're jumping off a bridge?! Let's go!
(As Michael joins his new friends in jumping off the bridge in question, he screams as he falls through the mist. He flails his arms around and stops screaming as he looks around)
NC: I really enjoy this scene because it's like he forgets he's falling for a moment.
(Michael stops screaming and looks around)
NC (vo; as Michael): Sorry, guys, what's my line again? (as Schumacher) "AH!" (as Michael) Oh, that's right.
(He continues to fall and resumes screaming – and lands in his bed back home)
NC (vo): He wakes up at home and he's asked by his mother to babysit Sam while she goes out on a date with Max the following night.
(We see Sam taking a bath, while a radio plays "Ain't Got No Home" by Clarence "Frogman" Henry)
Sam: (singing with radio) I'm a lonely boy, I ain't got a home...
NC: Okay, does the film think he's six?
Sam: (continuing to sing in falsetto) I ain't got a man, I ain't got a son...
(The grandfather's husky lies on the floor of the bathroom, listening and looking rather listless)
NC: I hear you, husky. The sooner he stops pretending, the sooner we can all stop pretending.
NC (vo): Actually, the dog senses Sam is in danger, and he attacks Michael in the most hilarious Something About Mary way ever!
(As Michael returns home, the dog snarls and leaps at Michael, barking viciously and knocking him down. The door slams shut in the process)
NC: Maybe I'm getting...
(The scene replays, but with a clip of a similar scene in Problem Child playing in the corner)
NC (vo): ...Problem Child flashbacks, but that animal hopping on him...
NC: ...is freakin' funny to me!
NC (vo): Sam finally puts together that Michael's a vampire, and he has one of the funnier reactions to hearing this news.
Sam: (angrily running upstairs) You're a vampire, Michael! My own brother, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire! Ooh, you wait 'til Mom finds out, buddy!
NC: He acts less like Michael's damned for all eternity and more like he stepped on his PS4!
Sam: Ooh, you wait 'til Mom finds out, buddy!
NC (vo; as Sam): Now I'll never know how underwhelming Last of Us 2 was! I hate you! (normal) He calls the kids at the comic store, because they seemed on the level, but they're not a ton of help.
Alan: (on the phone with Sam) Get yourself a good, sharp stake and drive it right through his heart.
Sam: (on phone) He's my brother!
Edgar: (on phone) Okay, we'll come over and do it for you.
NC: (as Alan) Come on! We've done it to a lot of vampires! ...Hopefully.
(NC looks up nervously. On that note, we got to a commercial break. Upon return from the break, the movie resumes with Michael being sucked out the window by a supernatural force, while he tries to keep from being taken away by clinging to a phone cord)
NC (vo): In a really great scene, Michael starts flying away, holding onto the phone as an anchor while also convincing his mom there's nothing wrong with him.
Sam: (talking on the phone to his mother quickly) I can't talk about it on the phone. It's about Michael.
Michael: Don't listen to him, Mommy, he doesn't know he's saying! Sam doesn't know what he's saying!
NC: (as Michael) All I tried to do was apply to be a nanny...
(As the scene replays, a shot of Mary Poppins is shown in the corner: George Banks and his children going into the bank)
NC (vo; as Michael): ...at the Banks' house...
(As we cut back to NC, another shot of Mary Poppins is shown in the corner: the potential nannies being blown away by the wind in the upper-left corner)
NC: (as Michael) ...and then Vampire Mary Poppins started blowing me away!
(As Michael screams from outside, Sam also starts yelling)
Lucy: (yelling into phone) I'm coming!
Sam: (yelling at his brother) YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! I KNEW IT!
Michael: I AM NOT!
Sam: THEN WHAT ARE YA, SOME FLYING NUN?!
NC: It's the '80s; (shakes head) I have no idea how he's aware of that show. (The poster from earlier of the man in the tank top is shown in the corner) Wait, I kinda do.
NC (vo): Michael convinces him that he needs help and decides not to tell his mom.
(Lucy runs into the house and Sam meets her)
Sam: Okay, Mom, I was reading a horror comic and I thought I saw someone on my window.
Lucy: You got carried away by a comic book?
Sam: It was a scary comic, Mom. I'm sorry.
NC: (as Sam) It was (An image of the following is shown in the corner...) the reboot of The New Warriors. Can you blame me?
NC (vo): Michael makes his way back to Star and demands some answers.
(Instead, however, they end up making out.)
NC (vo; as Michael): Oh, wait, we can sex? Oh, answers can wait! Sex, please!
(They start having sex on a bed while "Cry, Little Sister" by L.A. Guns plays in the background)
NC: This music doesn't feel right somehow. Let me try this one...
(The scene replays, but this time with "I Will" by Tommy Wiseau and Mladen Milicevic playing in the background, while a clip of Johnny and Lisa's sex scene from The Room is shown in the corner)
NC: That's more like it. (nods)
NC (vo): He returns home maybe or...maybe not getting answers, but his boner could care less. However, his mother demands answers as well.
Lucy: If there's a girl...
Michael: I'm tired, Mom.
Lucy: We could talk about anything you wanted to talk about.
Michael: I have more serious things on my mind than girls.
NC: Previous scene (Michael and Star's sex scene is shown in the corner) definitely disagrees with you.
NC (vo): Their mom tries to apologize to Max for leaving during their date, but she's attacked by his dog. Sam is concerned, so of course, he goes to get some "professional" help.
Edgar: Does your brother know who that vampire is?
Sam: No, I don't think so.
Edgar: Then you'll have to kill him.
NC: Is it me or does Corey Feldman sound like Sylvester Stallone just sucked a helium balloon?
Edgar: Does your brother know who that vampire is?
(Cut to a clip of Cobra)
Marion Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone): All right, just relax, amigo. You wanna talk? We'll talk.
(Cut back to The Lost Boys)
Edgar: Then you'll have to kill him.
(Cut again to Cobra)
Cobretti: I'm a sucker for good conversation.
NC: All we need is a high-pitched Schwarzenegger to balance things out.
(Cut to a clip of Predator)
Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger): What's the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils?
NC: (waving dismissively) I'll admit, that was a weak joke; I just wanted an excuse to speed up Schwarzenegger's voice. (beat) Like you ever need an excuse for that!
NC (vo): They think, if they kill the head vampire, Michael will return to normal, and Sam thinks that might be Max, who just happens to be swinging by for dinner.
Sam: (to Lucy) Mom, these are my dinner guests, Edgar and Alan, the Frog brothers.
NC: They call them that because... well, look at them.
NC (vo): They try feeding him garlic and pouring holy water on him as well.
Max: I know what you're thinking, Sam, but you're wrong.
Sam: I am?
Max: Yeah. I'm not trying to replace your father. Or steal your mother away from you.
NC: (as Max) And I am definitely not a werewolf.
(Sam holds up a mirror to Max, who sees his own reflection in it. He yelps in surprise.)
NC (vo): It looks like they were wrong about Max, but he's still kind enough to give Sam's mother another chance. Meanwhile, Michael goes looking for Star.
David: (stopping Michael) Take it easy, Michael.
Michael: Where's Star...David?
NC: (confused) Star David? Did we create the first Jewish vampire?
NC (vo): They bring him to a bonfire, hoping he'll partake in feeding on the partygoers.
David: (to Michael) Now you know what we are, now we know what you are. You never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die.
NC: (as David, makes a wavering motion with his hand) But your popularity (Posters for Dark Shadows, Twilight, Vampires Suck, What We Do In the Shadows, Underworld and Blade all appear around) will waver back and forth.
NC (vo): Michael returns home, but Star follows him.
Sam: (crying out) SHE'S ONE OF THEM!! (runs off)
Michael: (to Star) You know where David took me tonight, don't you, Star?
Sam: (hiding under a blanket) Who's David?!
NC (vo; as Sam): Does he have his left ear pierced, too?! I'm three, by the way! What am I doing hiding under a blanket?
Michael: Why did you come here tonight, Star?
(Instead of answering, Star disappears out the window with a whoosh and a cloud of smoke)
NC: Do vampires drink gas? There is...
NC (vo): ...always well-lit smoke every time they take off! Sam calls the Frog Brothers – life just feels better the more you say "Frog Brothers" – and they're ready to kick some ass.
Alan: Where's Nosferatu?
Alan: The Prince of Darkness.
Edgar: Nightcrawler, the Bloodsucker.
Alan: O Vampiro.
NC: (massaging his forehead) These two need a Netflix show.
Edgar: (looking into Alan's backpack) Weapons check. (to Michael) Listen! If you try to stop us or vamp out in any way, then I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it!
Edgar: We're on the right trail! Flies and the undead go together like...bullets and guns.
NC: He's talking like an ace detective...
(As the scene continues, a shot of Calvin (of "Calvin and Hobbes" fame) as a detective appears in the corner)
NC (vo): ...if he was played by Calvin.
NC: God, I love these two!
NC (vo): They spot them hanging upside-down and try to figure out who the leader is.
Alan: Right now, they're at their most vulnerable.
Edgar: Easy pickin's. We'll start with the little ones. First come, first staked.
NC: (shaking head) You know what I love about these two? I legit believe they've killed people.
Alan: (holding up a stake) Good night, bloodsucker!
NC (vo; as Bill from the Bill & Ted movies): Party on, Ted! (the stake impales the vampire, causing him to wake up, screaming) AH!
(A guitar riff from Bill & Ted plays, as the vampire falls down, convulsing in his death throes, awakening the other vampires)
NC (vo): They wake up the others, but they escape into the sunlight. (as Alan) My God, vampires do sparkle! (as Edgar) You take that back! (as Alan) But we're covered in glitter! (as Edgar) I don't care, you take that back! (as Alan) We're in a Schumacher film! Vampire sparkles! (as Edgar) TAKE IT BAAAACK!
(The boys drive backwards toward a high cliff over the ocean, but stop short of falling)
NC: Anyone who doesn't love this is a terrorist of fun!
NC (vo): They take Star to their home and get ready to defend themselves.
Sam: Guys, we're on our own.
Alan: Good, it's just the way we like it.
NC: Spoken like true virgins.
NC (vo): They steal holy water from a church and Home Alone the house, just as the vampire wake up and reverse the footage from an earlier scene.
(The vampires invade the house, with one of them coming in down the chimney and through the fireplace)
NC (vo; as the vampire in question): I heard one of you invited us in through the fireplace! (as Edgar) No, we didn't! (as vampire) Eh, it's a dumb rule anyway.
(The grandfather's husky barks viciously and attacks the vampire, knocking him into the bathtub, which had been filled with holy water laced with garlic, which causes him to disintegrate, leaving only his skeleton. Blood suddenly spews from the sinks)
NC (vo): They dump one of them into a tub of holy water and garlic, causing the bathroom to explode in blood!
NC: As Bram Stroker wrote.
NC (vo): But more vampires attack downstairs.
(One vampire grabs Sam, who screams and grabs a water pistol filled with holy water to attack)
NC (vo; as Sam): Tell Bordello of Blood we don't care if you rip this off, we'll still be remembered longer!
(The vampire lets go. Sam then takes a bow and arrow and fires the arrow at the vampire, impaling so hard that it knocks him backwards into the stereo system in the corner, which the arrow, having gone through the vampire, hits and electrocutes the vampire to death)
NC (vo): He fires an arrow into his heart, also hitting the sound system, electrocuting him to...head exploding.
(The vampire's head explodes)
Sam: (hushed) Death by stereo!
NC: Mmm, I'm gonna imagine Feldman saying that line.
(The scene is replayed, but with Edgar's head placed over Sam's)
NC (vo; as Edgar): Death by stereo!
(To a rocking scream, sunglasses are put over Edgar's eyes)
NC: There's nothing he can say that isn't perfection.
NC (vo): David attacks, but Michael uses his vampire powers to fight back.
David: My blood's in your veins!
Michael: So is MINE!
NC (vo; as Michael): And it's AB FUCK YOU positive!
(Michael shoves David against a mounted set of antlers, impaling him on them)
NC (vo): He impales David on some antlers, but Michael still isn't cured. Looks like they should have gone with door number one.
Max: David and my boys misbehaved.
Sam: You're the head vampire!
Star: You're the secret that David was protecting.
NC: I love how everyone's reactions to vampires is like tipping twenty when you wanted to tip ten. It's annoying, but... eh.
Alan: But you passed the test!
Max: Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. It renders you powerless.
(Cut briefly to a clip of Demon Knight)
Brayker: I know, who makes up all these rules?!
(Cut back to The Lost Boys, as Max reveals himself as a full-on vampire)
NC (vo): It looks like Max wanted their mother so that they could be one big family. Or as Feldman says...
Edgar: The bloodsucking Brady Bunch!
(As we cut back to NC, who looks rather confused by what he heard, we are shown a shot of the cast of The Brady Bunch in the corner)
NC: Are you indicating that's not what they do?
NC (vo): But Grandpa crashes into the house with his car covered in stakes, stabbing Max, causing him to explode! No one could have predicted it; it's the only conclusion that would make sense.
NC: And what's the most random line to wrap this flick up?
Grandfather: One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach: all the damn vampires.
(And with that, as everyone holds and hugs one another for support, the screen fades out and the movie ends)
NC: Movie, you had me at "frenching rats". (A shot of an earlier scene is shown in the corner, of a woman trying to kiss a rat)
(Footage of the film plays one last time as we go to NC's final thoughts)
NC (vo): Lost Boys is so much fun. It has a good sense of humor, a dark style, and an atmosphere that's all its own. Everyone looks like they're having a ball acting in it, and the tone is so goofily back and forth that you have no idea if you're gonna see something cool, funny, or both around every corner. It's one of the films that put Schumacher on the map and you can see why: it is hugely entertaining. So, whatever your thoughts are on his lesser works, you can't ignore how unique and engaging his stronger pieces are. If you want to see a movie this Halloween that knows how to combine suspense and laughs, Lost Boys is a good one to check out.
(Suddenly, NC's cell phone rings and he answers it)
NC: Oh, it's a text from one of my biggest fans, Willis! (reads) "Hey, Nostalgia Critic! I'm so excited for Nostalgia-Ween this year, I dressed up..."
(Cut to a shot of Kyle Hebert (the Dragonball Z narrator) yelling at a little baby dressed as NC (the phrase "Nostalgia Tot" is shown in the corner). Hebert is yelling (via starburst word balloon): "No! You can't escape the wrath of The Narrator!")
NC (vo): "...my baby like you to be yelled at by Kyle Hebert!" That's...so many flavors of random.
NC: "Since you did a good Joel Schumacher movie this year, I was wondering if you could do a Stephen King miniseries this year." (chuckles) Well, I'd like to, but the closest one to being really good is six hours long, and I... (blinks eyes) I... (puts down phone) I'm gonna need a lot of Frankenberry for this.
(He takes the box of Frankenberry from earlier and starts eating the cereal right out of the box while "Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor" plays in the background, accompanied by the sound of a dramatic heartbeat)
Channel Awesome tagline – Sam: (singing in falsetto) I ain't got a man, I ain't got a son...
(The credits roll)