The Lion King (2019)

Lion king 2019 nc.jpg

Release Date
July 29, 2020
Running Time
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(After the Channel Awesome logo, the video cold-opens on text: "Bob Iger 2017". Then we see an online chat between Julie Taymor (played by Tamara) and Bob Iger (played by Jim) via Skype)

Bob: Hey, there, Julie.

Julie: Oh, hi, Bob.

Bob: So, tell me about your ideas for a cinematic Lion King remake.

Julie: Gladly.

(A shot of a sunrise in Africa is shown, with zebras in the foreground)

Julie (vo): It begins as before, with the sun rising in Africa, though it is half CG and half real footage.

Bob: So you're looking to combine live action and animation, then.

Julie: Exactly. But it's not like what every other movie does it. (Listening intently, Bob takes out a pen) You see, it's not about the technology, it's about the feel of the world (whispers) and characters.

(Various shots of the Lion King Broadway show that Julie Taymor created are shown)

Julie (vo): It'll be like my Broadway show; same songs and characters, but on a more unique and grander scale. We'll still have actors in costumes, but it'll be less puppets and more clothes...

(Cut to shots of the movie, Titus)

Julie (vo): ...similar to what I did in the film, Titus.

Bob: So, like in that film, it takes place in no time period and...every time period?

Julie: One hundred percent.

Bob: And it's kind of a Jesus Christ Superstar vibe. But won't people...

(Another shot of the stage play is shown)

Bob (vo): ...miss the elaborate costumes from your stage show?

Julie: Well, we don't want to give people what they've already seen, do we? We want to give them new ideas against a familiar story.

Bob: I see what you're saying.

(More shots of the Broadway show are displayed)

Julie (vo): There will be no big Hollywood stars, all the characters will be African, and we'll be the environment out of African culture, artwork and history. It'll be like Black Panther, mixing modern technology with timeless traditions to create something new yet classic.

Bob: Black Panther was beloved by a lot of people.

Julie (vo): The battles will be comprised of the finest fight choreography, with the actors carrying wrist blades that look similar to claws. It'll be more violent than the other Disney remakes, showing that we want to grow up with our Disney audiences and not treat them like children forever.

Bob: (as posters for the Mulan remake and Christopher Robin pop up) We've currently been experimenting with that.

Julie (vo): At the end, when "The Circle of Life" is sung once more, a real baby is held up and the world is revealed to be a mix of modern-day Africa and years of history that inspired the stage show, so we represent the complicated past with the complicated future, not just for Africa, but for the human animal as a whole, fighting for the power, justice and unity.

Bob: Wow. Well, that sounds brilliant.

Julie: You like it?

Bob: It's challenging, it's brave, it pushes the boundaries of not only what Disney can do, but what cinema can do.

Julie: And, it doesn't have to be that expensive. It's not about looking real, it's about feeling real.

Bob: Absolutely.

Julie: Wonderful. So, shall we start production next year?

Bob: Oh, we're not gonna make it.

Julie: (stunned) What?

Bob: No, I set this meeting to see what we shouldn't do for a Lion King remake.

(We are then shown a shot of Bob's notes during his exchange with Julie: "All Computer Animated", "Keep It Exactly The Same As Original", "Make It All About The Technology", "Fill It With Celebrities", "Dumb It Down More For Kids", "To Hell With New Ideas", "Throw Tons Of Money At It", "Give Julie 'Executive Producer' Credit For Her Troubles")

Bob: I just took everything you said and wrote down the complete opposite.

Julie: But why?

Bob: You're a thinker, Julie, and people don't want that. We want to give them comfort food...

(A shot of various Disney animated films and their respective remakes are shown)

Bob (vo): ...under the guise of something deep and timeless...

Bob: ...even though we're just feeding folks the same old shit.

Julie: Don't you want to challenge and evolve and enlighten your fanbase?

Bob: Not as much as I want to make money.

(Then, to a "ta-da!" sound, we cut to a shot of the Lion King remake, along with the phrase: "AND THAT'S HOW WE MADE IT". We then cut to NC sitting his home, having watched it all, presumably as a bonus on DVD/Blu-Ray. He is quite stunned)

NC: Well, that was the saddest featurette I've ever seen.

(With that, the proper NC title sequence is shown. After that, we go through NC's home and see his cats Chaplin and Buster lying on the couch)

Chaplin ("voiced" by Doug): Come on, Buster, it's time to get up.

Buster (also "voiced" by Doug): Do we have to, Chaplin?

Chaplin: Nope!

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