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''(Dissolve into first scene set up like the ''Avatar: The Last Airbender'' intro showing the Avatar DVD box sets, 3 with Katara, played by [[Rachel Tietz]], narrating)''
 
''(Dissolve into first scene set up like the ''Avatar: The Last Airbender'' intro showing the Avatar DVD box sets, 3 with Katara, played by [[Rachel Tietz]], narrating)''
   
'''Katara (vo)''': Water. Earth. Fire. Long ago, the three seasons lived together in harmony. But then, everything changed when the Shyamalan attacked. ''(The Fire Nation is promptly represented in the form of a camera crew shining studio lights in front of the Hollywood Sign, with the hill washed in a red filter)'' Only the "Avid Jerk", master of ripping films apart, could restore balance. ''(The Avid Jerk is Doug standing on the pointy top of a mountain, yelling gibberish and kicking up rocks and fire with each stomp of his foot)'' But when the world needed him most, he vanished. ''(A poster for ''The Last Airbender ''appears behind Doug)''
+
'''Katara (vo)''': Water. Earth. Fire. Long ago, the three seasons lived together in harmony. But then, everything changed when the Shyamalan attacked. ''(The Fire Nation is promptly represented in the form of a camera crew shining studio lights in front of the Hollywood Sign, with the hill washed in a red filter)'' Only the "Avid Jerk", master of ripping films apart, could restore balance. ''(The Avid Jerk is Doug standing on the pointy top of a mountain, yelling gibberish and kicking up rocks and fire with each stomp of his foot)'' But when the world needed him most, he vanished. ''(A poster for "The Last Airbender" appears behind Doug)''
   
 
'''Doug''': Ohhhh, fuck this noise! ''(He turns and walks down from the rock. Dissolve to the last scene from the [[Les Miserables|previous review]] as Rachel continues)''
 
'''Doug''': Ohhhh, fuck this noise! ''(He turns and walks down from the rock. Dissolve to the last scene from the [[Les Miserables|previous review]] as Rachel continues)''
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''(NC moves out of the way as the title "Nostalgia Critic: The Last Airbender Review" appears. Dissolve to a white screen with the TGWTG logo and a heading that reads: "Book One (of one): The Great Fire Inferno Destiny Bad". Cut to a photo with the caption: "The Hot Air Temple". Cut to NC who is sitting and meditating)''
 
''(NC moves out of the way as the title "Nostalgia Critic: The Last Airbender Review" appears. Dissolve to a white screen with the TGWTG logo and a heading that reads: "Book One (of one): The Great Fire Inferno Destiny Bad". Cut to a photo with the caption: "The Hot Air Temple". Cut to NC who is sitting and meditating)''
   
'''Sokka''': Concentrate, Critic. ''(Cut to [[Malcolm Ray]] and Rachel, dressed as Sokka and Katara respectively)'' Absorb every episode of ''Avatar: The Last Airbender'' to review the movie.
+
'''Sokka''': Concentrate, Critic. ''(Cut to [[Malcolm Ray]] and Rachel, dressed as Sokka and Katara respectively)'' Absorb every episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender to review the movie.
   
 
'''NC''': Why can't I just watch the shows again? 
 
'''NC''': Why can't I just watch the shows again? 
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'''Katara''': Now concentrate harder!!
 
'''Katara''': Now concentrate harder!!
   
''(NC groans and resumes concentrating. Flash to brief clip of Doug's ''Last Airbender'' Vlogs)''
+
''(NC groans and resumes concentrating. Flash to brief clip of Doug's Last Airbender Vlogs)''
   
 
'''NC''': Wait... ''(Cut to more clips of the vlogs)'' I... I think I'm getting it. Yeah... I think I'm getting visions from another life.
 
'''NC''': Wait... ''(Cut to more clips of the vlogs)'' I... I think I'm getting it. Yeah... I think I'm getting visions from another life.
   
''(Clips of several ''Last Airbender'' Vlogs spliced together)''
+
''(Clips of several Last Airbender Vlogs spliced together)''
   
'''Doug Walker''': I'll just go through an episode a night. It's just the right balance. ''Avatar'', my new favorite show.
+
'''Doug Walker''': I'll just go through an episode a night. It's just the right balance. Avatar, my new favorite show.
   
 
'''Rob Walker''': Still one of my favorite shows.
 
'''Rob Walker''': Still one of my favorite shows.
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''(Cut back to NC)''
 
''(Cut back to NC)''
   
'''NC''': My God, it-it's coming to me. ''(Sokka and Katara are now smiling hopefully)'' Ingenious writing, brilliant characters, and a fanbase obsessing over name pronunciation rather than the meaning of each episode. BY GOD! ''(NC opens his eyes and stands up)'' IT'S COMING TO ME!
+
'''NC''': My God, it-it's coming to me. ''(Sokka and Katara are now smiling hopefully)'' Ingenius writing, brilliant characters, and a fanbase obsessing over name pronunciation rather than the meaning of each episode. BY GOD! ''(NC opens his eyes and stands up)'' IT'S COMING TO ME!
   
 
'''Sokka''': You got it, Critic?
 
'''Sokka''': You got it, Critic?
   
'''NC''': Yes! ''Avatar'' is one of the greatest TV series of all time!
+
'''NC''': Yes! Avatar is one of the greatest TV series of all time!
   
 
'''Sokka''': Good. Now you're ready to review the Fuck-up Lord's disaster opus.
 
'''Sokka''': Good. Now you're ready to review the Fuck-up Lord's disaster opus.
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:'''''He switches sides...'''''
 
:'''''He switches sides...'''''
   
''(Clip of Gandalf from ''The Two Towers'')''
+
''(Clip of Gandalf from The Two Towers)''
   
 
'''Gandalf''': ...at the turn of the tide...
 
'''Gandalf''': ...at the turn of the tide...
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:'''''Now on with the review!'''''
 
:'''''Now on with the review!'''''
   
''(Cut to title of ''The Last Airbender'')''
+
''(Cut to title of '''The Last Airbender''')''
   
 
'''NC (vo)''': So judging from the beginning, the film actually looks pretty promising, reenacting the visuals to the show's intro rather flawlessly. Even the text scroll isn't really that bad. Though how is it a season with 20 episodes ''(clip from the series intro with the caption "5 sentences" is shown)'' can get their backstory off faster than ''(cut back to movie with caption "8 sentences")'' an hour and a half movie can?
 
'''NC (vo)''': So judging from the beginning, the film actually looks pretty promising, reenacting the visuals to the show's intro rather flawlessly. Even the text scroll isn't really that bad. Though how is it a season with 20 episodes ''(clip from the series intro with the caption "5 sentences" is shown)'' can get their backstory off faster than ''(cut back to movie with caption "8 sentences")'' an hour and a half movie can?
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'''Katara (movie) (vo)''': Our father's off fighting in the war. My mother was taken prisoner and killed when I was young.
 
'''Katara (movie) (vo)''': Our father's off fighting in the war. My mother was taken prisoner and killed when I was young.
   
'''NC (vo)''': This borebending you're witnessing is being performed by the siblings of the Water Tribe named Katara and Sokka. And yes, the climate is looking much whiter than usual. And I don't think taking away the snow is gonna fix that any. ''(Cut to ''Avatar: The Last Airbender ''cartoon, to show that they are actually dark-skinned in the show)'' This is curious as in the show, Katara and Sokka definitely seem to have an Inuit design. And that makes sense; their upbringing is very similar to Eskimo culture. ''(Cut back to the movie)'' Strangely enough, the rest of the village seems to have this down. But with these two, I think Kathy Bates from [[North|''North'']] ''(brief clip of said movie is played)'' was a more convincing fake Eskimo.
+
'''NC (vo)''': This borebending you're witnessing is being performed by the siblings of the Water Tribe named Katara and Sokka. And yes, the climate is looking much whiter than usual. And I don't think taking away the snow is gonna fix that any. ''(Cut to Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon, to show that they are actually dark-skinned in the show)'' This is curious as in the show, Katara and Sokka definitely seem to have an Inuit design. And that makes sense; their upbringing is very similar to Eskimo culture. ''(Cut back to the movie)'' Strangely enough, the rest of the village seems to have this down. But with these two, I think Kathy Bates from [[North]] ''(brief clip of said movie is played)'' was a more convincing fake Eskimo.
   
 
'''NC''': But I'm not here to judge the color of their skin, only the quality of their acting.
 
'''NC''': But I'm not here to judge the color of their skin, only the quality of their acting.
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'''Sokka (movie)''': I watched which side of the fin tracks are more indented that shows you which direction they're going. I saw how long the drag skids are...
 
'''Sokka (movie)''': I watched which side of the fin tracks are more indented that shows you which direction they're going. I saw how long the drag skids are...
   
''(Cut to NC who is shocked)''
+
(Cut to NC who is shocked)
   
 
'''NC''': Ohhh, ''nooo''.
 
'''NC''': Ohhh, ''nooo''.
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'''Sokka (movie)''': There's something under there.
 
'''Sokka (movie)''': There's something under there.
   
'''NC (vo)''': (in Sokka-monotone) It's a good movie trying to get out. (in Katara-monotone) Kill it. (in normal voice) They discover a boy named Aang frozen in an iceberg, along with his...[[What The F**k Was Up With Where the Wild Things Are?|''Where the Wild Things Are'']] mascot (Appa), and take him back to the village. So is this kid's acting just as bad as the other two? Does Shyamalan like awkward shots where people look directly into the camera?
+
'''NC (vo)''': (in Sokka-monotone) It's a good movie trying to get out. (in Katara-monotone) Kill it. (in normal voice) They discover a boy named Aang frozen in an iceberg, along with his... "[[What The F**k Was Up With Where the Wild Things Are?|Where the Wild Things Are]]" mascot (Appa), and take him back to the village. So is this kid's acting just as bad as the other two? Does Shyamalan like awkward shots where people look directly into the camera?
   
 
'''Katara (movie)''': How'd you get all the way out here?
 
'''Katara (movie)''': How'd you get all the way out here?
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'''Fire Nation Soldiers''': (voiced over by the NC, chanting) Oh-we-blow, we-blooo-ooowww! Oh-we-blow, we-blooo-ooowww!
 
'''Fire Nation Soldiers''': (voiced over by the NC, chanting) Oh-we-blow, we-blooo-ooowww! Oh-we-blow, we-blooo-ooowww!
   
'''NC (vo)''': This is Prince Zuko, a firebender who is looking to capture the Avatar so he can be unbanished and get his honor back from his father the king. In the show, the father burned almost half of his face off. Here...I think he forgot to put sunblock under his eye or something.
+
'''NC (vo)''': This is Prince Zuko, a firebender who is looking to capture the Avatar so he can be unbanished and get his honor back from his father the king. In the show, the father burned almost half of his face off. Here... I think he forgot to put sunblock under his eye or something.
   
 
'''Zuko''': I'm taking you to my ship. If you don't come, I'll burn down this village.
 
'''Zuko''': I'm taking you to my ship. If you don't come, I'll burn down this village.
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'''NC (vo)''': (as Kanna) Or maybe that's the audience. Either way, great sadness. (in normal voice) Zuko and his uncle Iroh give Aang a test and see that all the elements gravitate towards him... even though this never happens anywhere else in the movie, but screw it! We have a hastily rushed escape scene to film, which in the series demonstrates quite clearly how the firebenders do everything in their power to stop them. But here, they just kind of blankly stare at them getting away. But if blank stares could kill... they'd still probably get away. Oh, and you ever wonder how he was frozen in that iceberg to begin with? Well, once again, the original ingeniously tied in both backstories of Zuko and Aang together and showed that upon his discovery of being Avatar, he couldn't take the pressure and ran away, being pushed to the brink of despair and froze himself before drowning in the storm. Many consider this to be the best episode* seeing how it shows the similarities between our hero and our villain. (Beat) Good thing it's just a sentence-and-a-half explanation here. The person talking about it doesn't even show up on screen.
 
'''NC (vo)''': (as Kanna) Or maybe that's the audience. Either way, great sadness. (in normal voice) Zuko and his uncle Iroh give Aang a test and see that all the elements gravitate towards him... even though this never happens anywhere else in the movie, but screw it! We have a hastily rushed escape scene to film, which in the series demonstrates quite clearly how the firebenders do everything in their power to stop them. But here, they just kind of blankly stare at them getting away. But if blank stares could kill... they'd still probably get away. Oh, and you ever wonder how he was frozen in that iceberg to begin with? Well, once again, the original ingeniously tied in both backstories of Zuko and Aang together and showed that upon his discovery of being Avatar, he couldn't take the pressure and ran away, being pushed to the brink of despair and froze himself before drowning in the storm. Many consider this to be the best episode* seeing how it shows the similarities between our hero and our villain. (Beat) Good thing it's just a sentence-and-a-half explanation here. The person talking about it doesn't even show up on screen.
* (That episode NC is referring to is "The Storm", which was ranked #2 on the [[Top 11 Best Avatars (with Dante Basco)|Top 11 Best Avatar Episodes]])
+
* (That episode NC is referring to is The Storm, which was ranked #2 on the [[Top 11 Best Avatars (with Dante Basco)|Top 11 Best Avatar Episodes]])
   
 
'''Katara (movie) (vo)''': He told us how he left there in a storm on Appa, and got forced into the ocean where they almost drowned. Aang airbended a sphere around them, and he couldn't remember anything after that.
 
'''Katara (movie) (vo)''': He told us how he left there in a storm on Appa, and got forced into the ocean where they almost drowned. Aang airbended a sphere around them, and he couldn't remember anything after that.
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'''NC (vo)''': Missing also is Suki, Jet, the pirates, Bumi, the fortuneteller, the Warriors of Kyoshi, Sokka's sense of humor, Katara's strength and motherly wisdom, and any form of fun and enjoyability that the show was so good at balancing out.
 
'''NC (vo)''': Missing also is Suki, Jet, the pirates, Bumi, the fortuneteller, the Warriors of Kyoshi, Sokka's sense of humor, Katara's strength and motherly wisdom, and any form of fun and enjoyability that the show was so good at balancing out.
   
'''NC''': BUT!!! It's okay. Because we have that guy from ''The Daily Show'' (Assif Mandvi).
+
'''NC''': BUT!!! It's okay. Because we have that guy from The Daily Show (Assif Mandvi).
   
 
''(Clip of foaming mouth guy going nuts and falling over)''
 
''(Clip of foaming mouth guy going nuts and falling over)''
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'''Fire Nation soldier (movie)''': He was bending tiny stones at us from behind a tree.
 
'''Fire Nation soldier (movie)''': He was bending tiny stones at us from behind a tree.
   
''(Clip of ''Robin Hood: Men in Tights'')''
+
''(Clip of Robin Hood: Men in Tights)''
   
 
'''Sheriff of Rottingham''': He "deered" to kill a king's dare!
 
'''Sheriff of Rottingham''': He "deered" to kill a king's dare!
   
'''NC (vo)''': So they place them all in a prison of earthbenders where-- ''(The earthbender prison is shown to be an outdoor, market-like place. NC sighs)'' God...wait a fuck! ''This'' is the prison for earthbenders?!
+
'''NC (vo)''': So they place them all in a prison of earthbenders where-- ''(sigh)'' God... Wait a fuck! ''This'' is the prison for earthbenders?!
   
'''NC''': I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I know it gets really annoying every single time I say "in the show", because it's an adaptation. Adaptations, you gotta make changes, I understand that, I really understand that, but...it's gotta be changes that make sense, guys! So...''in the show''...
+
'''NC''': I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I know it gets really annoying every single time I say "in the show", because it's an adaptation. Adaptations, you gotta make changes, I understand that, I really understand that, but...it's gotta be changes that make sense, guys! So... ''in the show''...
   
 
'''NC (vo)''': The prison is on a metal ship, where no earthbending is possible, and thus, it breaks their spirit because they can't get away. They are powerless to stop them. Here, THEY'RE FUCKING SURROUNDED BY THE STUFF! Aang makes a big speech about rising up and fighting back, where in the show it's justified -- and Katara -- but still justified because there's a big risk. They have something to lose. Here, it's like saying "walk through a revolving door"! There's nothing to be lost! It's like having an ice-cream-bender at Baskin Robbins, and saying "how the hell am I gonna"-- YOU'RE AN ICE-CREAM-BENDER!
 
'''NC (vo)''': The prison is on a metal ship, where no earthbending is possible, and thus, it breaks their spirit because they can't get away. They are powerless to stop them. Here, THEY'RE FUCKING SURROUNDED BY THE STUFF! Aang makes a big speech about rising up and fighting back, where in the show it's justified -- and Katara -- but still justified because there's a big risk. They have something to lose. Here, it's like saying "walk through a revolving door"! There's nothing to be lost! It's like having an ice-cream-bender at Baskin Robbins, and saying "how the hell am I gonna"-- YOU'RE AN ICE-CREAM-BENDER!
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'''NC (vo)''': Sure enough, they do start fighting back, and it's about time. I wanna see some badass earthbending effects brought to life by some state-of-the-art effects...
 
'''NC (vo)''': Sure enough, they do start fighting back, and it's about time. I wanna see some badass earthbending effects brought to life by some state-of-the-art effects...
   
''(We are shown a shot of seven earthbenders bending a single boulder)''
+
''(Shot of seven earthbenders bending a single boulder)''
   
 
'''NC''': ''(poker-faced, removes his glasses and rubs his temples) ''[[Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments|...Is that really the extent of your imagination, Shyamalan?]] Is that really the wide range of possibilities that you could pull off with this scenario? Earthbending. Earthbe''-- (taps his table and his rear wall)''' Earth'''...''bending!'' ''Taking the'' ''elements of'' ''Earth, the fucking planet, and bending it to your will!'' ''And this is the poor fuck-ass piece of shit you could come up with?'' ''Okay.'' (puts his glasses back on) ''Let me give you a crash course, or a'' reminder, ''as someone who has clearly seen the show, what just one'' -- ONE -- ''earthbender can do''.''
 
'''NC''': ''(poker-faced, removes his glasses and rubs his temples) ''[[Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments|...Is that really the extent of your imagination, Shyamalan?]] Is that really the wide range of possibilities that you could pull off with this scenario? Earthbending. Earthbe''-- (taps his table and his rear wall)''' Earth'''...''bending!'' ''Taking the'' ''elements of'' ''Earth, the fucking planet, and bending it to your will!'' ''And this is the poor fuck-ass piece of shit you could come up with?'' ''Okay.'' (puts his glasses back on) ''Let me give you a crash course, or a'' reminder, ''as someone who has clearly seen the show, what just one'' -- ONE -- ''earthbender can do''.''
   
''(Several clips of benders in ''Avatar: The Last Airbender'' earthbending, including The Hippo, Toph Bei Fong, and Aang, are shown)''
+
''(Several clips of benders in Avatar: The Last Airbender earthbending, including The Hippo, Toph Bei Fong, and Aang, are shown)''
   
 
'''NC''': One. That was all ''one'' earthbender in every single one of those scenes. Now, let's see what, uh, one, two, three, four, five... Five! ("SIX, BUT WHO'S COUNTING?") Five of your shitty-ass earthbenders from your piece of fuck film could accomplish.
 
'''NC''': One. That was all ''one'' earthbender in every single one of those scenes. Now, let's see what, uh, one, two, three, four, five... Five! ("SIX, BUT WHO'S COUNTING?") Five of your shitty-ass earthbenders from your piece of fuck film could accomplish.
 
''(The earthbending scene in the movie is shown again)''
 
   
 
'''Earthbenders''': (voiced over by the NC, rhythmically) I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT! SHORT! AND! STOUT!
 
'''Earthbenders''': (voiced over by the NC, rhythmically) I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT! SHORT! AND! STOUT!
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'''NC''': Now, ''just as a friendly reminder'', this is what five guys could do in that...''other'' show you claim to be such a big fan of.
 
'''NC''': Now, ''just as a friendly reminder'', this is what five guys could do in that...''other'' show you claim to be such a big fan of.
   
''(Clip of ''Avatar: The Last Airbender'' in which three Earthbenders are able to chuck a tank like it was a toy)''
+
''(Clip of Avatar: The Last Airbender in which three Earthbenders are able to chuck a tank like it was a toy)''
   
 
'''NC''': THAT WAS A TANK! A FUCKING TANK! Five guys! ''(slaps table, claps hands)'' TANK! ''(stammers)'' And what did your pussies do again?!
 
'''NC''': THAT WAS A TANK! A FUCKING TANK! Five guys! ''(slaps table, claps hands)'' TANK! ''(stammers)'' And what did your pussies do again?!
   
''(The movie clip replays with audio replaced with sound effects and music from ''The Jetsons'')''
+
''(Movie clip plays with audio replaced with sound effects and music from The Jetsons)''
   
 
'''NC''': Your version. ''(movie clip plays)'' Theirs. ''(cartoon clip plays)'' Your version. Theirs. Your version. Theirs. Your version. Theirs. Your version. Theirs. '''WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!?''' Have you no passion for possibility? Have you no understanding this... "barrel of Miyazaki" that you could unleash with this creativity? I mean, what is your major malfunction, you... sucker of talent and good? What is going on in your head? Please! Contact me! Let me know! Let me know what the flying fuck has caused you to become so uninspired when this stuff has practically gift-wrapped it for you and just said, "Make me incredible! Make me incredible!" Please! Get in contact with me! Get in co--
 
'''NC''': Your version. ''(movie clip plays)'' Theirs. ''(cartoon clip plays)'' Your version. Theirs. Your version. Theirs. Your version. Theirs. Your version. Theirs. '''WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!?''' Have you no passion for possibility? Have you no understanding this... "barrel of Miyazaki" that you could unleash with this creativity? I mean, what is your major malfunction, you... sucker of talent and good? What is going on in your head? Please! Contact me! Let me know! Let me know what the flying fuck has caused you to become so uninspired when this stuff has practically gift-wrapped it for you and just said, "Make me incredible! Make me incredible!" Please! Get in contact with me! Get in co--
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'''TV Announcer''': And now, a message from Shyamalan.
 
'''TV Announcer''': And now, a message from Shyamalan.
   
''([[Shyamalan]] is shown in an outfit resembling Amon from ''The Legend of Korra'')''
+
''([[Shyamalan]] is shown in an outfit resembling Amon from The Legend of Korra)''
   
'''Shyamalan''': Greetings. I am Shyamalan. I know many of you were... disappointed by my theatrical edition to the ''Avatar'' franchise. Well, I'm here to tell you that my power to destroy great art has grown even stronger. For you see, I have discovered how to take any performer's acting ability away.
+
'''Shyamalan''': Greetings. I am Shyamalan. I know many of you were... disappointed by my theatrical edition to the Avatar franchise. Well, I'm here to tell you that my power to destroy great art has grown even stronger. For you see, I have discovered how to take any performer's acting ability away.
   
 
''(NC, Sokka, and Katara gasp)''
 
''(NC, Sokka, and Katara gasp)''
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'''NC''': Aah!
 
'''NC''': Aah!
   
'''Katara''': But...but that's a critically-acclaimed actor!
+
'''Katara''': But... But that's a critically-acclaimed actor!
   
 
'''Sokka''': He's mastered the art of talentbending!
 
'''Sokka''': He's mastered the art of talentbending!
   
'''Shyamalan''': I plan to use this power to destroy the ''Avatar'' franchise once and for all. How, you may ask? I plan on doing a ''Legend of Korra'' movie.
+
'''Shyamalan''': I plan to use this power to destroy the Avatar franchise once and for all. How, you may ask? I plan on doing a Legend of Korra movie.
   
 
''(NC, Sokka, and Katara gasp)''
 
''(NC, Sokka, and Katara gasp)''
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'''NC''': But that's a fresh start! A chance to get a new audience!
 
'''NC''': But that's a fresh start! A chance to get a new audience!
   
'''Shyamalan''': Rest assured, the franchise will be destroyed forever once ''The Legend of Korra'' has been "Shyamalized". And for a certain Avid Jerk who might be listening, I have only this to say: stand down. No critic has ever been able to stop me before. If you do not, I will suck out what little talent you had to begin with. That is all.
+
'''Shyamalan''': Rest assured, the franchise will be destroyed forever once The Legend of Korra has been "Shyamalized". And for a certain Avid Jerk who might be listening, I have only this to say: stand down. No critic has ever been able to stop me before. If you do not, I will suck out what little talent you had to begin with. That is all.
   
 
''(The broadcast ends)''
 
''(The broadcast ends)''
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'''Sokka''': Are you sure we have the right guy?
 
'''Sokka''': Are you sure we have the right guy?
   
''(NC is heard groaning in pain, and Katara bloodbends him into submission as the video cuts to commercial. When we return from commercial, we open on a ''Legend of Korra''-style recap)''
+
''(NC is heard groaning in pain, and Katara bloodbends him into submission as the video cuts to commercial)''
   
  +
''(Return from commercial opens on a Legend of Korra-style recap)''
'''Narrator''': After discovering the Avid Jerk, a new plan is revealed that Shyamalan will unleash his greatest evil yet to the ''Avatar'' franchise. Will Nostalgia Critic and team be able to bring balance in time? And more importantly, will this review keep focus as to which series it wishes to satirize?
 
   
 
'''Narrator''': After discovering the Avid Jerk, a new plan is revealed that Shyamalan will unleash his greatest evil yet to the Avatar franchise. Will Nostalgia Critic and team be able to bring balance in time? And more importantly, will this review keep focus as to which series it wishes to satirize?
''(Back to the movie)''
 
  +
 
(Back to the movie)
   
 
'''NC (vo)''': So they're given some bending scrolls by Master Mickey Mouse, but Aang explains that he can't bend all four elements.
 
'''NC (vo)''': So they're given some bending scrolls by Master Mickey Mouse, but Aang explains that he can't bend all four elements.
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'''NC (vo)''': The Fire Lord was built up big time, always kept in shadow until the final season. He was like the [[Inspector Gadget|Doctor Claw]] of this show. And when he finally was revealed, he wasn't a monster or anything, but he was still intimidating. Even the picture Zuko stares at in the film looks like the original Fire Lord. But ''this''? ''THIS''? This is the most common, non-threatening person you could put in this role! It's like they grabbed a guy at the grocery store and dressed him up as Biggus Dickus!
 
'''NC (vo)''': The Fire Lord was built up big time, always kept in shadow until the final season. He was like the [[Inspector Gadget|Doctor Claw]] of this show. And when he finally was revealed, he wasn't a monster or anything, but he was still intimidating. Even the picture Zuko stares at in the film looks like the original Fire Lord. But ''this''? ''THIS''? This is the most common, non-threatening person you could put in this role! It's like they grabbed a guy at the grocery store and dressed him up as Biggus Dickus!
   
'''Biggus Dickus''': ''(audio from ''Life of Brian'' plays over Ozai)'' Hail Caesar!
+
'''Biggus Dickus''': ''(audio from Life of Brian plays over Ozai)'' Hail Caesar!
   
 
'''NC (vo)''': Hell, Biggus Dickus is more intimidating than him! He at least is played by an actor I know is dead!
 
'''NC (vo)''': Hell, Biggus Dickus is more intimidating than him! He at least is played by an actor I know is dead!
Line 488: Line 488:
 
'''NC (vo)''': You have a great setup for an emotional moment. Aang is seeing all his past lives. The power and weight of who he is should hit him at this very point. But instead, what do they do? Try to explain more exposition.
 
'''NC (vo)''': You have a great setup for an emotional moment. Aang is seeing all his past lives. The power and weight of who he is should hit him at this very point. But instead, what do they do? Try to explain more exposition.
   
'''Aang''': There's a ceremony when everyone bows to me. That's when I accept my role as the Avatar. But when everyone bowed...I didn't bow back.
+
'''Aang''': There's a ceremony when everyone bows to me. That's when I accept my role as the Avatar. But when everyone bowed... I didn't bow back.
   
 
'''NC (vo)''': And that is the problem. Whether you're aware of the show or you're not aware of the show, the movie is all explanation with no humanity. Why do you think they waited twenty minutes of the film to ask him his name? Because that's not what was most important to Shyamalan. The identity? Who gives a shit? It can't be nearly as important as explaining...
 
'''NC (vo)''': And that is the problem. Whether you're aware of the show or you're not aware of the show, the movie is all explanation with no humanity. Why do you think they waited twenty minutes of the film to ask him his name? Because that's not what was most important to Shyamalan. The identity? Who gives a shit? It can't be nearly as important as explaining...
Line 510: Line 510:
 
'''NC''': ''Last Airbender'' is just chess piece storytelling.
 
'''NC''': ''Last Airbender'' is just chess piece storytelling.
   
'''NC (vo)''': Character goes here, character goes there, character says this, pawn to king four. ''(a picture of said chess pieces are shown)'' So in this scene that should've been the emotional pinnacle of our main star, it's just more explaining about ''what'' happened rather than ''why'' it happened.
+
'''NC (vo)''': Character goes here, character goes there, character says this, pawn to king four ''(a picture of said chess pieces are shown)''. So in this scene that should've been the emotional pinnacle of our main star, it's just more explaining about ''what'' happened rather than ''why'' it happened.
   
 
'''NC''': So you pardon me if, rather than be concerned when the...
 
'''NC''': So you pardon me if, rather than be concerned when the...
Line 546: Line 546:
 
'''Sokka (cartoon)''': But the effects were decent.
 
'''Sokka (cartoon)''': But the effects were decent.
   
'''NC (vo)''': Thus, we continue with our season 1 Wikipedia recap, as a character called the Blue Spirit breaks him free, and they fight their way out. I smell a Shyamalan over-long, overused tracking shot coming up!
+
'''NC (vo)''': Thus we continue with our season 1 Wikipedia recap as a character called the Blue Spirit breaks him free, and they fight their way out. I smell a Shyamalan over-long, overused tracking shot coming up!
   
 
''(Tracking shot of Aang and the Blue Spirit fighting off Fire Nation soldiers plays)''
 
''(Tracking shot of Aang and the Blue Spirit fighting off Fire Nation soldiers plays)''
   
'''NC (vo)''': Okay, guy, tracking shots are fine, but when you use them for every other fight scene, it not only gets old, but it slows the action down. It's obvious the actors have to wait for the camera to get into place, thus taking a fight sequence that could be really quick and impressive and instead have half of it be them just standing around doing nothing. That's why we have editing, you dumbass jerk! If part of the shot didn't work or was hard to see, you edit it out! But here, screw it! "I just wanna show off that I can do this in one shot!" Okay, great! You can do it! It looks cluttered, slow, and incredibly awkward, but FUCK! You could do it! Give that man a tediously obnoxious directing award! I think it's the same one that went to ''(an image of Spike Lee is shown)'' this person just a few years earlier!
+
'''NC (vo)''': Okay, guy, tracking shots are fine, but when you use them for every other fight scene, it not only gets old, but it slows the action down. It's obvious the actors have to wait for the camera to get into place, thus taking a fight sequence that could be really quick and impressive and instead have half of it be them just standing around doing nothing. That's why we have editing, you dumbass jerk! If part of the shot didn't work or was hard to see, you edit it out! But here, screw it! "I just wanna show off that I can do this in one shot!" Okay, great! You can do it! It looks cluttered, slow, and incredibly awkward, but FUCK! You could do it! Give that man a tediously obnoxious directing award! I think it's the same one that went to (an image of Spike Lee is shown) this person just a few years earlier!
   
 
'''Zhao''': Why are you doing this? Who are you?
 
'''Zhao''': Why are you doing this? Who are you?
Line 560: Line 560:
 
'''NC (vo)''': So the Blue Spirit gets him out, and it's revealed to be Zuko. There's two reasons this curious scene was left in the movie rather than just having it cut out. One is that Zhao and Zuko are in a race to bring the Avatar to the Fire Lord, meaning one of them can cement their position forever. And the other reason, of course, being just so Shyamalan can shout...
 
'''NC (vo)''': So the Blue Spirit gets him out, and it's revealed to be Zuko. There's two reasons this curious scene was left in the movie rather than just having it cut out. One is that Zhao and Zuko are in a race to bring the Avatar to the Fire Lord, meaning one of them can cement their position forever. And the other reason, of course, being just so Shyamalan can shout...
   
''(Cut to a clip of an episode of ''Robot Chicken'')''
+
''(Cut to a clip of an episode of Robot Chicken)''
   
 
'''M. Night Shyamalan''': What a twist!
 
'''M. Night Shyamalan''': What a twist!
Line 580: Line 580:
 
'''Iroh''': (voiced over by the NC) By the way, nephew, as your uncle, I care for you very-- Oh, more story, more story, sorry, sorry, more story!
 
'''Iroh''': (voiced over by the NC) By the way, nephew, as your uncle, I care for you very-- Oh, more story, more story, sorry, sorry, more story!
   
'''NC (vo)''': So Aang and the team finally make their way to the North Pole, and...oh, God. Is this it? This has gotta be it. Please tell me this is it-- ''(Shot of Princess Yue from the back enters the camera frame as Ode to Joy plays)'' Oh, my God, it's even more phallic than I imagined!
+
'''NC (vo)''': So Aang and the team finally make their way to the North Pole, and... Oh, God. Is this it? This has gotta be it. Please tell me this is it-- ''(Shot of Princess Yue from the back enters the camera frame as Ode to Joy plays)'' Oh, my God, it's even more phallic than I imagined!
   
 
'''NC''': The stories were true! Gaze into the holy grail of comedic possibilities!
 
'''NC''': The stories were true! Gaze into the holy grail of comedic possibilities!
Line 588: Line 588:
 
''("Does that require a Blowdry or a Blowjob? Are haircuts known as circumcisions? I said 'Public Hair' not 'Pubic Hair!' Does this make [[Star Wars: The Phantom Menace|Queen Amidala]]'s hair look less vaginal or more vaginal? When you said your hair is a dick to comb, I didn't know you meant a DICK to comb. Does the rug match the prick shaped drapes? You might be the only female I can get away with calling dick head. So when you say you're washing your hair tonight, does that technically count as masturbating? This is great, I can technically reach first AND second base both at the same time. You're making the Coneheads look modest. Is that a cock on your block or are you just happy to see me? Now I see why they call you 'Hard Head.' What does she use for a headband, a censor bar? Was your hooker name 'Tip of the Iceberg?' Well, two heads are better than one. Seeing how you're royalty, do they crown you with a cock ring? I'm gonna guess and say night caps and condoms are pretty much the same for you. Pardon me your highness, but your hair looks like a giant penis.")''
 
''("Does that require a Blowdry or a Blowjob? Are haircuts known as circumcisions? I said 'Public Hair' not 'Pubic Hair!' Does this make [[Star Wars: The Phantom Menace|Queen Amidala]]'s hair look less vaginal or more vaginal? When you said your hair is a dick to comb, I didn't know you meant a DICK to comb. Does the rug match the prick shaped drapes? You might be the only female I can get away with calling dick head. So when you say you're washing your hair tonight, does that technically count as masturbating? This is great, I can technically reach first AND second base both at the same time. You're making the Coneheads look modest. Is that a cock on your block or are you just happy to see me? Now I see why they call you 'Hard Head.' What does she use for a headband, a censor bar? Was your hooker name 'Tip of the Iceberg?' Well, two heads are better than one. Seeing how you're royalty, do they crown you with a cock ring? I'm gonna guess and say night caps and condoms are pretty much the same for you. Pardon me your highness, but your hair looks like a giant penis.")''
   
'''NC''': Oh! Which one should I go with? Which one should I go with?! Um...this one!
+
'''NC''': Oh! Which one should I go with? Which one should I go with?! Um... This one!
   
 
''(NC chooses "What does she use for a headband, a censor bar?"; the rest of the annotation disappears)''
 
''(NC chooses "What does she use for a headband, a censor bar?"; the rest of the annotation disappears)''
Line 622: Line 622:
 
'''Katara (movie) (vo)''': My brother and the princess became friends right away.
 
'''Katara (movie) (vo)''': My brother and the princess became friends right away.
   
'''NC (vo)''': And that's all you need! Yes, all the emotions and character developed can just be summed up in that one sentence! God, Shyamalan's writing knows how to cut the fat of all that pesky caring! God, why do we listen to all that pesky talk in ''Hamlet'' when it could've been summed up with...
+
'''NC (vo)''': And that's all you need! Yes, all the emotions and character developed can just be summed up in that one sentence! God, Shyamalan's writing knows how to cut the fat of all that pesky caring! God, why do we listen to all that pesky talk in Hamlet when it could've been summed up with...
   
 
'''Narrator (Rachel)''': ''[picture of David Tennant as Hamlet]'' The prince didn't like his uncle. ''[scene changes to a picture of Tennant with a crazed look on his face about to kill Sir Patrick Stewart's Claudius]'' Hijinks ensued.
 
'''Narrator (Rachel)''': ''[picture of David Tennant as Hamlet]'' The prince didn't like his uncle. ''[scene changes to a picture of Tennant with a crazed look on his face about to kill Sir Patrick Stewart's Claudius]'' Hijinks ensued.
Line 632: Line 632:
 
'''Yue''': When I was born, I was not awake. My mother and father could not get me to make a sound or move. So they prayed for days to the Moon Spirit.
 
'''Yue''': When I was born, I was not awake. My mother and father could not get me to make a sound or move. So they prayed for days to the Moon Spirit.
   
'''Amelia (from [[Fox Kids|''The Tick'']])''': Please! No more 'splaining!
+
'''Amelia (from "The Tick")''': Please! No more 'splaining!
   
 
'''Sokka (movie)''': She'll say, "Why is your hair white, young lady? You look very odd."
 
'''Sokka (movie)''': She'll say, "Why is your hair white, young lady? You look very odd."
Line 668: Line 668:
 
'''Yue''': There is a very spiritual place.
 
'''Yue''': There is a very spiritual place.
   
'''NC (vo)''': So he comes across the Moon Spirit who's disguised as a fish...yeah, that wasn't the best explained in the show either, but...Aang meditates to figure out an answer.
+
'''NC (vo)''': So he comes across the Moon Spirit who's disguised as a fish. ...Yeah, that wasn't the best explained in the show either, but... Aang meditates to figure out an answer.
   
 
'''Yue''': I have to get back.
 
'''Yue''': I have to get back.
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'''Katara (movie)''': I'll stay with him.
 
'''Katara (movie)''': I'll stay with him.
   
'''NC (vo)''': Um, Katara doesn't seem like the best person to look after him. I mean, don't get me wrong. In the other version, it made sense. She had a kind, mature heart, but also the focus and strength to kick some ass in several awesome scenes. Nobody in their right mind would dare cross her. But in the movie...she pushed a guy.
+
'''NC (vo)''': Um, Katara doesn't seem like the best person to look after him. I mean, don't get me wrong. In the other version, it made sense. She had a kind, mature heart, but also the focus and strength to kick some ass in several awesome scenes. Nobody in their right mind would dare cross her. But in the movie... she pushed a guy.
   
''(We are shown the foaming mouth guy scene again)''
+
''(Foaming mouth guy scene)''
   
 
'''NC (vo)''': Well, maybe she'll finally be allowed to show her real strength when Prince Zuko comes and tries to take Aang away. And seeing how she made it very clear how Aang is her responsibility, she's gonna do everything in her power to make sure nothing happens to him-- ''[Zuko easily overpowers and knocks out Katara]'' --and you suuuuuuck! Katara and Sokka: as useful as "No Smoking" signs in college. But Aang wakes up and escapes Zuko through the most masterful approach possible: reenacting a ''[[Why Is Tom and Jerry Genius?|Tom and Jerry]]'' routine!
 
'''NC (vo)''': Well, maybe she'll finally be allowed to show her real strength when Prince Zuko comes and tries to take Aang away. And seeing how she made it very clear how Aang is her responsibility, she's gonna do everything in her power to make sure nothing happens to him-- ''[Zuko easily overpowers and knocks out Katara]'' --and you suuuuuuck! Katara and Sokka: as useful as "No Smoking" signs in college. But Aang wakes up and escapes Zuko through the most masterful approach possible: reenacting a ''[[Why Is Tom and Jerry Genius?|Tom and Jerry]]'' routine!
Line 698: Line 698:
 
'''Azula''': I do, Father.
 
'''Azula''': I do, Father.
   
'''NC (vo)''': Yes, I'm sure she'll join the [[Super Mario Bros|''Super Mario Bros'']]''.'', [[He-Man and the Masters of the Universe|Skeletor]], ''Buckaroo Banzai'', ''The Golden Compass'', and [[Street Fighter + Mortal Kombat Part 1|M. Bison's hand]] in that incredible, sure-to-happen sequel! What a piece of shit!
+
'''NC (vo)''': Yes, I'm sure she'll join the [[Super Mario Bros]]., [[He-Man and the Masters of the Universe|Skeletor]], Buckaroo Banzai, The Golden Compass, and [[Street Fighter + Mortal Kombat Part 1|M. Bison's hand]] in that incredible, sure-to-happen sequel! What a piece of shit!
   
 
''(Cut back to the NC's office where Rachel!Katara is still fending off Shyamalan with bloodbending)''
 
''(Cut back to the NC's office where Rachel!Katara is still fending off Shyamalan with bloodbending)''
Line 706: Line 706:
 
'''NC''': Not really, no!
 
'''NC''': Not really, no!
   
'''Katara''': I can't hold him much...longer!
+
'''Katara''': I can't hold him much... longer!
   
 
''(Shyamalan breaks free of Katara's grip, and Katara falls over exhausted)''
 
''(Shyamalan breaks free of Katara's grip, and Katara falls over exhausted)''
Line 754: Line 754:
 
'''NC''': ''(in monotone)'' I need to know how to defeat the Shyamalan.
 
'''NC''': ''(in monotone)'' I need to know how to defeat the Shyamalan.
   
'''Doug''': Um...I dunno.
+
'''Doug''': Um... I dunno.
   
 
'''NC''': ''(in monotone)'' What do you mean, you don't know?
 
'''NC''': ''(in monotone)'' What do you mean, you don't know?
   
'''Doug''': I don't know! ''Avatar'' was weeks ago! I'm reviewing ''Legend of Korra'' now!
+
'''Doug''': I don't know! Avatar was weeks ago! I'm reviewing Legend of Korra now!
   
 
'''NC''': ''(in monotone)'' Really? How's that?
 
'''NC''': ''(in monotone)'' Really? How's that?
   
'''Doug''': It's okay, but it's no ''Avatar''. I guess when you get down to it, there can only be one ''Avatar''.
+
'''Doug''': It's okay, but it's no Avatar. I guess when you get down to it, there can only be one Avatar.
   
 
''(NC snaps out of his "talentbent" state)''
 
''(NC snaps out of his "talentbent" state)''
Line 776: Line 776:
 
'''NC''': I will always remember you...
 
'''NC''': I will always remember you...
   
'''NC''' '''and''' '''Doug''': Plaidipus Bunny.
+
'''NC''' and '''Doug''': Plaidipus Bunny.
   
 
'''Doug''': God, why did I write you so stupid?
 
'''Doug''': God, why did I write you so stupid?
Line 804: Line 804:
 
''(Clips from both the show and the movie play out as NC gives his final official thought)''
 
''(Clips from both the show and the movie play out as NC gives his final official thought)''
   
'''NC (vo)''': The movie is awful, the acting is awkward, the writing beyond lazy, and it fails both trying to be a faithful adaptation and a standalone movie. But it could never be a standalone movie because there's only one ''Avatar'': the series. It was perfectly paced, perfectly performed, perfectly animated. It was that rare anomaly that, chances are, can never be recreated. And there's no reason to change it. It's like trying to make an opera by Mozart better -- you can't do it. Every note is where it needs to be. I'm sure there'll be different adaptations in the future [[The Looney Tunes Show: Good or Bad?|the same way people did with Looney Tunes]] and other timeless characters, but the point is the original characters are still timeless characters. And nothing anyone can do can change that. If anything, the bad adaptation makes us appreciate the original material even more. So you can do whatever you want to the franchise.
+
'''NC (vo)''': The movie is awful, the acting is awkward, the writing beyond lazy, and it fails both trying to be a faithful adaptation and a standalone movie. But it could never be a standalone movie because there's only one Avatar: the series. It was perfectly paced, perfectly performed, perfectly animated. It was that rare anomaly that, chances are, can never be recreated. And there's no reason to change it. It's like trying to make an opera by Mozart better -- you can't do it. Every note is where it needs to be. I'm sure there'll be different adaptations in the future [[The Looney Tunes Show: Good or Bad?|the same way people did with Looney Tunes]] and other timeless characters, but the point is the original characters are still timeless characters. And nothing anyone can do can change that. If anything, the bad adaptation makes us appreciate the original material even more. So you can do whatever you want to the franchise.
   
 
'''NC''': Because no matter what, nothing can take away or make any better what's already perfect.
 
'''NC''': Because no matter what, nothing can take away or make any better what's already perfect.
Line 812: Line 812:
 
'''Shyamalan''': Yeah, still gonna do evil things.
 
'''Shyamalan''': Yeah, still gonna do evil things.
   
'''NC''': Oh, right, right. Hmm. How would an ''Avatar'' series end this? Um...''Deus ex machina!''
+
'''NC''': Oh, right, right. Hmm. How would an Avatar series end this? Um... ''Deus ex machina!''
   
 
''(Lightning strikes, and Katara, Sokka, and Shyamalan turn to face Aang, played by Trevor Mueller)''
 
''(Lightning strikes, and Katara, Sokka, and Shyamalan turn to face Aang, played by Trevor Mueller)''
   
'''Katara''' '''and''' '''Sokka''': Aang!
+
'''Katara''' and '''Sokka''': Aang!
   
 
'''Shyamalan''': Wait, are you ''Last Airbender'' Aang or ''Legend of Korra'' Aang?
 
'''Shyamalan''': Wait, are you ''Last Airbender'' Aang or ''Legend of Korra'' Aang?
Line 834: Line 834:
 
''(Aang vanishes in a puff of smoke)''
 
''(Aang vanishes in a puff of smoke)''
   
'''NC''': Well, maybe sometimes, the best way to keep balance is to realize that balance is already being kept. Enjoy your incredibly awesome show, and enjoy hating your incredible awful movie.
+
'''NC''': Well, maybe sometimes the best way to keep balance is to realize that balance is already being kept. Enjoy your incredibly awesome show, and enjoy hating your incredible awful movie.
   
 
''(Katara bloodbends NC and makes him hit himself)''
 
''(Katara bloodbends NC and makes him hit himself)''
Line 842: Line 842:
 
(Cut to black, and the end credits roll)
 
(Cut to black, and the end credits roll)
   
'''Channel Awesome Tagline: Sokka (movie)''': Are you the Avatar, Aang?
+
(Channel Awesome logo)
  +
  +
'''Sokka (movie)''': Are you the Avatar, Aang?
   
 
{{NCscripts}}
 
{{NCscripts}}

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