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NC (vo): So while the teachers are forced to abandon their students...typical protocol?...as they're all gathered in one room to be told about the crisis sweeping America.
  
NC (vo): So while the teachers are forced to abandon their students...typical protocol?...as they're all gathered in one room to be told about the crisis sweeping America.
  +
  +
Principal: Central Park was just hit by what seems to be a terrorist attack. It's some kind of airborne chemical toxin that's been released in and around the park. There appears to be an event happening.
  +
  +
NC: Okay, that's a tragedy or an emergency. An "event" is a sale at Target. You know, for teachers, you're not very good with words!
  +
  +
Elliot: Central Park? That's kind of odd.
  +
  +
NC: (Mimics Elliot) Yeah, terrorists rarely go after landmarks with lots of people.
  +
  +
NC (vo): This means all the students are let out early.
  +
  +
Elliot: What are the rules of scientific investigation?
  +
  +
Elliot and students: Identify variables. Design the experiment. Careful observation and measurement. (NC is confused) Interpretation of experimental data.
  +
  +
NC: Jesus Christ. And don't forget to recite the first two chapters of Moby Dick!
  +
  +
NC (vo; mimicking Elliot and the students): "Call me Ishmael. Some years ago, never mind how long precisely, having little or no money in my purse..."
  +
  +
(Elliot's friend, Julian, talks to Elliot)
  +
  +
Julian: My mother just called my cell again. She's hysterical.
  +
  +
NC (vo): So while Wahlberg's friend, played by John Leguizamo, establishes his strange quirk, being his mother...
  +
  +
Julian: I told her the probability of something happening in Philadelphia is very low.
  +
  +
NC: (Mimics Julian) Hey, you stand out now!
  +
  +
NC (vo): We're introduced to Alma, played by Zooey Deschanel.
  +
  +
Julian: She leaving you?
  +
  +
Elliot: I didn't say that. It's just talk, okay? Just relax, please?
  +
  +
NC: Oh, no, we're at that Shyamalan stage where...
  +
  +
(Tamara, Jim and Malcolm suddenly come in. As Tamara and Jim talk, Malcolm is in the background, playing with two oranges)
  +
  +
Tamara: Critic, as you know, Jim and I have decided we're in love, even though we have no chemistry at all.
  +
  +
NC: (Sarcastic) Whoopee-de-doo.
  +
  +
Jim: No, it's bad. We're having trouble in our relationship. We fear we'll never be a couple again.
  +
  +
NC: No, no, that's just the Shyamalan talking.
  +
  +
NC (vo): He always has a couple that's going through problems...
  +
  +
NC: ...but is obviously going to get together in the end!
  +
  +
Tamara: No, Critic. As you know, this is pretty serious. We're having some incredibly vague problems that only a supernatural event can fix.
  +
  +
Malcolm: Will you two be quiet? Oranges!
  +
  +
NC: Look, just stay in there, try to use logic, and for the love of God, don't be quirky!
  +
  +
Jim: But quirky is charming.
  +
  +
NC: No, Jim! It's awkward! AWKWARD!!
  +
  +
Malcolm: (Speaking high-pitched) There are 600 varieties of oranges!
  +
  +
(Back to the movie)
  +
  +
NC (vo): As you'd imagine, Deschanel's acting is about as bad as everyone else's, but there is a certain alien freakiness about her facial expressions. (Alma's wide-eyed expression is shown through several scenes) Yeah, she looks like this throughout the entire film. It's like in every shot, she realized she shit her pants, and she wants nobody to realize it.
  +
  +
(A montage of Alma's scenes is shown as farting sounds are heard throughout)
  +
  +
NC (vo): Her delivery isn't much better, either.
  +
  +
Alma: It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn't be any more evil that could be invented.
  +
  +
NC: (Laughs) How do you even direct somebody to say a line that way?
  +
  +
NC (vo; as the director): All right, Zooey, I want you to act...
  +
  +
NC: ...like you're deaf. But in saying this line, you're hearing yourself for the first time, and you don't enjoy what you sound like.
  +
  +
Alma: It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn't be any more evil that could be invented.
  +
  +
NC: (Beat) That was definitely...a thing.
  +
  +
NC (vo): So Wahlberg says he'll meet Deschanel and Leguizamo at the train station.
  +
  +
Julian: Where's Alma?
  +
  +
Elliot: Restroom.
  +
  +
(The old Shyamalan panning shot does its thing to show Alma)
  +
  +
Alma: Hey, Julian.
  +
  +
NC: Why the hell did you shoot it like that? Are you trying to make it look like a stalker.
  +
  +
(The shot is played again, with scary, intense music playing)
  +
  +
Alma: Hey, Julian.
  +
  +
(NC screams and runs away. A crash is heard offscreen)
  +
  +
Man: My cabbages!
  +
  +
Jess (Julian's daughter): Hey, Alma.
  +
  +
Alma: How are you doing?
  +
  +
Jess: Hanging in there.
  +
  +
NC (vo): Mm-hm. Typical seven-year-old response.
  +
  +
NC: (Mimics Jess) Hanging in there. Still looking for a job, got those bills to pay. It's hard being a single mother.
  +
  +
NC (vo): So while on the train, they're being told that the panic is spreading.
  +
  +
Elliot: Are you okay?
  +
  +
Alma: They say Boston got hit, too.
  +
  +
Elliot: Where'd you hear that?
  +
  +
Alma: A friend from work. What about Evette?
  +
  +
NC: (Annoyed) Christ, that college girl who took theatre is a blow-off class of acting better than you!
  +
  +
NC (vo): The train stops suddenly as it looks like they're kicking everybody off.
  +
  +
Elliot: What do you mean? Where are we?
  +
  +
Train conductor: Filbert, Pennsylvania.
  +
  +
Elliot: Does anybody know where that is? Hey, why would you just stop...?
  +
  +
NC: You know, if you could take the whining of a dog and convert it into a language, it'd be this performance.
  +
  +
Julian: Sorry. She [Jess] whispers stuff when she gets scared.
  +
  +
Alma: We're so much the same, Jess. I don't like to show my emotions either.
  +
  +
NC: (Snickers) Yeah, to quote Wahlberg from earlier...
  +
  +
Elliot: Duh!
  +
  +
NC: With a capital "Uh!"
  +
  +
NC (vo): And the danger still seems to be spreading, as one man says farewell to arms in the lion's den.
  +
  +
(Elliot and a woman watch the horrific scene from a cell phone)
  +
  +
Woman: Mother of God, what kind of terrorists are these?
  +
  +
NC: They're such hairy and yellow terrorists. They must be from the land of Oz!
  +
  +
NC (vo): So everybody takes off as the virus seems to be right in their neighborhood, and Leguizamo decides to leave his daughter with Wahlberg so he can go back for his wife...because, things always turn out well for people who do that, right?
  +
  +
Julian: She's gonna be a lot safer with you. I have to go.
  +
  +
Alma: I got her, Julian.
  +
  +
Julian: Don't take my daughter's hand unless you mean it.
  +
  +
NC: Oh, I'm sorry. Why don't you find another couple to look after the daughter you're lovingly abandoning? You're welcome, asshole!
  +
  +
(As Julian drives off in his car, another car driven by a nursery owner and his wife stops next to Elliot, Alma and Jess)
  +
  +
Alma: There's a car.
  +
  +
NC: Very good, Zooey. Now can you tell which one's the plane? (Images of a plane, a pirate ship, and a helicopter appear below NC)
  +
  +
NC (vo): So Wahlberg's gang gets a ride with a guy who runs a plant nursery poorly located next to a nuclear power plant.
  +
  +
NC: Why do I get the feeling this is all streaming from there?
  +
  +
(As the main characters drive past the nuclear power plant, voices of Homer Simpson and Mr. Burns are heard)
  +
  +
Homer: D'oh! Mr. Burns, I'm afraid I caused the Happening.
  +
  +
Mr. Burns: Simpson, you idiot! Now we're trapped in an M. Night Shyamalan film, and not one of the good ones! Either of them! (Chuckles)
  +
  +
NC (vo): They collect a few things before they go, when this...bit of strangeness is said.
  +
  +
Nursery guy: We're packing hot dogs for the road. You know, hot dogs get a bad rap. They've got a cool shape, they've got protein. You like hot dogs, right?
  +
  +
(Elliot shrugs. NC shrugs as well)
  +
  +
NC: Brought to you by Hot Dogs! Wanna be less conscious about where your meat comes from than Chicken McNuggets? Hot Dogs!
  +
  +
Nursery guy: I think I know what's causing this thing.
  +
  +
Elliot: You do?
  +
  +
Nursery guy: It's the plants.
  +
  +
NC: (Stunned) Wait, what?
  +
  +
Nursery guy: It's the plants. They can release chemicals.
  +
  +
(NC is completely stunned)
  +
  +
NC: Wow. That's...actually the twist of the movie. It's plants. I know it seems like I'm giving some stuff away early here, but the movie is giving some stuff away earlier here, so what do I care?
  +
  +
NC (vo): We're not even one third into the film and you already gave away the big twist!
  +
  +
Nursery guy: (To Alma) You like hot dogs, don't you?
  +
  +
NC: Followed by that! (Now confused as ever) Do you need to go back to Film 101?
  +
  +
NC (vo): I think most people know this. You don't give away the twist before you give...away...the twist! If you'd open Citizen Kane with...
  +
  +
Announcer: It's a sled!
  +
  +
NC: It's kind of a no-brainer!
  +
  +
(Malcolm, Tamara and Jim come back)
  +
  +
Tamara: Critic, as you know, we know what's caused the Shyamalization.
  +
  +
NC: Okay, what?
  +
  +
Jim: The walls.
  +
  +
(The corners of the walls are shown in several shots as loud drums sound)
  +
  +
NC: No, we're not doing that.
  +
  +
Tamara: As you know, it makes a lot of sense. If they use lead paints...
  +
  +
NC: No, even for a parody, we're not doing that.
  +
  +
Malcolm: You know, oranges typically contain 10 segments. Maybe one of them contains Shyamalization.
  +
  +
NC: Fine. Make a connection to that, but we're not doing goddamn walls!
  +
  +
Jim: How are we supposed to make oranges the twist?
  +
  +
NC: I don't know! If the friggin' Giving Tree can be an antagonist in a movie, why can't oranges?! Now get cracking!
  +
  +
(Pause)
  +
  +
Malcolm: You guys like oranges, right?
  +
  +
(And we go to a commercial)
   
 
{{NCscripts}}
  
{{NCscripts}}

Revision as of 01:11, 21 January 2016

The Happening
Released
January 16, 2016
Duration
27:04
Previous
Next
Link

(We start off the episode with the Shyamalan Month opening, which has him dancing to the Looney Tunes theme)

Shyamalan: (singing) Why does everybody keep on hiring me? All of my work is shiiiit!

(Now we come to the Nostalgia Critic coming into the office)

NC: Hey, Malcolm.

Malcolm: Hey, Critic. Did you know that 1/3 of the world's oranges are grown in Brazil?

NC: What an odd thing to say.

Malcolm: Eh, I guess it's my quirk. Oranges.

NC: (confused) Okay, I'm gonna go shoot the review now.

(Now he comes across Tamara Chambers)

Tamara: As you know, there are two types of people in this world. Those who believe that evil is good and those who believe that evil is evil.

NC: Tamara, why are you spewing that sloppy, unfocused philosophy?

(Coming into the room is Jim Jarosz)

Jim: I hear you whispering. Plan on stealing something?

NC: Why is nobody talking right today?

Jim: Plan on murdering me in my sleep?

NC: What? Nooo! (realizing something) Wait a minute. It's affecting me now, too.

Malcolm: Around 85% of oranges are produced for juice.

Tamara: As you know, the world is filled with people who do not understand the ramifications of--

Jim: While you're here, I may as well make you suffer, but I really don't know why.

(Everyone starts talking over one another, making it hard to understand)

NC: My God. I know what this is. I know what's going on here. This is... (zoom in on NC's face) The Shyamalizing.

(A title card of The Shyamalizing appears with a background of floating clouds. NC then opens the door to the review room)

NC: Look, a camera we can all get obnoxiously close to!

(The group head into the room still in their monologues, with NC closing the door behind him)

NC: I should've seen the warning signs. The bad monotone acting, the dialogue that makes no sense whatsoever, and... (he reaches into his jacket, pulling out his phone) Europe loving all of this for some reason. (on the phone, a headline says "Shyamalan Big Hit in Europe" with a picture of him on it) Who knows who'll be next? If I'm not careful, all of us could end up like the actors from The Happening!

(Now we get to clips of the movie)

NC (vo): Based on a title so lazily vague that the film does everything in its power to justify it...

Elliot Moore: There's something happening in a few states./Could this really be happening?/Whatever's happening is happening...

(And we get clips of various people in the movie saying the word "happening")

NC (vo): The Happening has garnered a reputation as one of the most entertainingly bad movies ever made. Yep, right up there with (posters of) The Room, Troll 2, and (poster of Jupiter Ascending) give it time. For years, we've made references to this trainwreck, but have never given it a full review analyzing why it's so bad, it's...actually kind of amazing.

NC: So let's take a look to figure out what, how and...well, we'll never figure out why, it's Shyamalan. This is The Happening.

NC (vo): It starts off in New York as two women do what Shyamalan thinks two women do, read a book at the same time.

Woman #1: I forgot where I am.

Woman #2: You're at the place where the killers meet to decide what to do with the crippled girl. (Woman #1 chuckles) That's right.

NC: Good thing I was reading that exact same sentence.

NC (vo): As the crowd suddenly realizes they're on The Truman Show.

(A large crowd of people stare in awe at the sky as the two women watch. Woman #1 suddenly grabs a knife and stabs herself in the neck with it)

NC: Well, that's what I would do if I found out I was in The Happening.

NC (vo): Just down the street doesn't seem to be much better.

(A group of construction workers just witness one of their own dead)

Worker: Christ, McKenzie fell.

NC: Oh, no, not poor Christ McKenzie!

NC (vo): But it's raining men, as everybody's apparently committing suicide or having a hell of a time catching road runners. This leads us to our main character Elliot, played by Mark Wahlberg.

(Elliot Moore (Wahlberg) is teaching at a school classroom)

Elliot: Look, I don't know if you guys have heard about this article in the New York Times about honeybees vanishing?

NC: If you have not burst out into laughter yet from the mere delivery of that line, then you are watching the greatest drama you've ever seen in your life.

NC (vo): No, seriously, where's the real performance? That can't be for real.

Elliot: Scary, huh?

NC (vo): I mean, this is Mark Wahlberg, a pretty damn good actor. But I'm not kidding. He does the whole performance like this. It's like he's on a 2am infomercial.

Elliot: Look, I don't know if you guys have heard about this article in the New York Times about honeybees vanishing?

NC: (Mimics Elliot) Scary, huh? Well, you can track them down with our new honeybee tracker. (A picture of a tracker is shown with the caption "Honey Bee Tracker - Only $99.99. Order while supplies and honeybees last!") Order now, and you'll also receive a free Sam Wow. (An image of that is shown)

NC (vo): As we quickly discover, he's not that great a teacher either.

Elliot: Jake? You don't have an opinion? (Jake nods no) You should be more interested in science, Jake. You know why?

NC: It'll make you talk like Luke Skywalker if his whiny-ness levels were pushed to 20?

Elliot: Because your face is perfect. If you were interested in science, you would know facts, like the human nose and ears grow a fraction of an inch every year. So a perfect balance of features now might not look so perfect five years from now. Take an interest in science.

NC: Yes. Take an interest in science after I literally insulted your face! Hey, Suzie? You interested in science? Well, that's because you're a slut!

NC (vo): In typical Shyamalan style, Jake comes up with the laziest answer worded in a way that's trying to sound important.

Jake: An act of nature and we'll never fully understand it.

NC: And that's how you got a D in this class, kid.

Elliot: Nice answer, Jake.

NC: Or "Nice answer, Jake".

Elliot: Science will come up with some reason to put in the books. We will fail to acknowledge that there are forces at work beyond our understanding.

NC (vo): Yeah, great science teacher there. Something, something, something...magic. Like all great scholars, he acknowledges that science is just a temporary solution for the real answer, which is just shrugging our arms saying...

NC: (Scoffs) I don't know.

(The vice principal comes in. This causes Elliot to pretend to be scared)

Elliot: The Dark Lord! Don't look into her eyes. (Makes a ghostly noise as he turns off the lights, which the vice principal turns back on) Vice Principal, what can I do for you?

NC: Well, you can clear out your desk, asshole. What do you think I'm gonna say after that?!

NC (vo): So while the teachers are forced to abandon their students...typical protocol?...as they're all gathered in one room to be told about the crisis sweeping America.

Principal: Central Park was just hit by what seems to be a terrorist attack. It's some kind of airborne chemical toxin that's been released in and around the park. There appears to be an event happening.

NC: Okay, that's a tragedy or an emergency. An "event" is a sale at Target. You know, for teachers, you're not very good with words!

Elliot: Central Park? That's kind of odd.

NC: (Mimics Elliot) Yeah, terrorists rarely go after landmarks with lots of people.

NC (vo): This means all the students are let out early.

Elliot: What are the rules of scientific investigation?

Elliot and students: Identify variables. Design the experiment. Careful observation and measurement. (NC is confused) Interpretation of experimental data.

NC: Jesus Christ. And don't forget to recite the first two chapters of Moby Dick!

NC (vo; mimicking Elliot and the students): "Call me Ishmael. Some years ago, never mind how long precisely, having little or no money in my purse..."

(Elliot's friend, Julian, talks to Elliot)

Julian: My mother just called my cell again. She's hysterical.

NC (vo): So while Wahlberg's friend, played by John Leguizamo, establishes his strange quirk, being his mother...

Julian: I told her the probability of something happening in Philadelphia is very low.

NC: (Mimics Julian) Hey, you stand out now!

NC (vo): We're introduced to Alma, played by Zooey Deschanel.

Julian: She leaving you?

Elliot: I didn't say that. It's just talk, okay? Just relax, please?

NC: Oh, no, we're at that Shyamalan stage where...

(Tamara, Jim and Malcolm suddenly come in. As Tamara and Jim talk, Malcolm is in the background, playing with two oranges)

Tamara: Critic, as you know, Jim and I have decided we're in love, even though we have no chemistry at all.

NC: (Sarcastic) Whoopee-de-doo.

Jim: No, it's bad. We're having trouble in our relationship. We fear we'll never be a couple again.

NC: No, no, that's just the Shyamalan talking.

NC (vo): He always has a couple that's going through problems...

NC: ...but is obviously going to get together in the end!

Tamara: No, Critic. As you know, this is pretty serious. We're having some incredibly vague problems that only a supernatural event can fix.

Malcolm: Will you two be quiet? Oranges!

NC: Look, just stay in there, try to use logic, and for the love of God, don't be quirky!

Jim: But quirky is charming.

NC: No, Jim! It's awkward! AWKWARD!!

Malcolm: (Speaking high-pitched) There are 600 varieties of oranges!

(Back to the movie)

NC (vo): As you'd imagine, Deschanel's acting is about as bad as everyone else's, but there is a certain alien freakiness about her facial expressions. (Alma's wide-eyed expression is shown through several scenes) Yeah, she looks like this throughout the entire film. It's like in every shot, she realized she shit her pants, and she wants nobody to realize it.

(A montage of Alma's scenes is shown as farting sounds are heard throughout)

NC (vo): Her delivery isn't much better, either.

Alma: It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn't be any more evil that could be invented.

NC: (Laughs) How do you even direct somebody to say a line that way?

NC (vo; as the director): All right, Zooey, I want you to act...

NC: ...like you're deaf. But in saying this line, you're hearing yourself for the first time, and you don't enjoy what you sound like.

Alma: It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn't be any more evil that could be invented.

NC: (Beat) That was definitely...a thing.

NC (vo): So Wahlberg says he'll meet Deschanel and Leguizamo at the train station.

Julian: Where's Alma?

Elliot: Restroom.

(The old Shyamalan panning shot does its thing to show Alma)

Alma: Hey, Julian.

NC: Why the hell did you shoot it like that? Are you trying to make it look like a stalker.

(The shot is played again, with scary, intense music playing)

Alma: Hey, Julian.

(NC screams and runs away. A crash is heard offscreen)

Man: My cabbages!

Jess (Julian's daughter): Hey, Alma.

Alma: How are you doing?

Jess: Hanging in there.

NC (vo): Mm-hm. Typical seven-year-old response.

NC: (Mimics Jess) Hanging in there. Still looking for a job, got those bills to pay. It's hard being a single mother.

NC (vo): So while on the train, they're being told that the panic is spreading.

Elliot: Are you okay?

Alma: They say Boston got hit, too.

Elliot: Where'd you hear that?

Alma: A friend from work. What about Evette?

NC: (Annoyed) Christ, that college girl who took theatre is a blow-off class of acting better than you!

NC (vo): The train stops suddenly as it looks like they're kicking everybody off.

Elliot: What do you mean? Where are we?

Train conductor: Filbert, Pennsylvania.

Elliot: Does anybody know where that is? Hey, why would you just stop...?

NC: You know, if you could take the whining of a dog and convert it into a language, it'd be this performance.

Julian: Sorry. She [Jess] whispers stuff when she gets scared.

Alma: We're so much the same, Jess. I don't like to show my emotions either.

NC: (Snickers) Yeah, to quote Wahlberg from earlier...

Elliot: Duh!

NC: With a capital "Uh!"

NC (vo): And the danger still seems to be spreading, as one man says farewell to arms in the lion's den.

(Elliot and a woman watch the horrific scene from a cell phone)

Woman: Mother of God, what kind of terrorists are these?

NC: They're such hairy and yellow terrorists. They must be from the land of Oz!

NC (vo): So everybody takes off as the virus seems to be right in their neighborhood, and Leguizamo decides to leave his daughter with Wahlberg so he can go back for his wife...because, things always turn out well for people who do that, right?

Julian: She's gonna be a lot safer with you. I have to go.

Alma: I got her, Julian.

Julian: Don't take my daughter's hand unless you mean it.

NC: Oh, I'm sorry. Why don't you find another couple to look after the daughter you're lovingly abandoning? You're welcome, asshole!

(As Julian drives off in his car, another car driven by a nursery owner and his wife stops next to Elliot, Alma and Jess)

Alma: There's a car.

NC: Very good, Zooey. Now can you tell which one's the plane? (Images of a plane, a pirate ship, and a helicopter appear below NC)

NC (vo): So Wahlberg's gang gets a ride with a guy who runs a plant nursery poorly located next to a nuclear power plant.

NC: Why do I get the feeling this is all streaming from there?

(As the main characters drive past the nuclear power plant, voices of Homer Simpson and Mr. Burns are heard)

Homer: D'oh! Mr. Burns, I'm afraid I caused the Happening.

Mr. Burns: Simpson, you idiot! Now we're trapped in an M. Night Shyamalan film, and not one of the good ones! Either of them! (Chuckles)

NC (vo): They collect a few things before they go, when this...bit of strangeness is said.

Nursery guy: We're packing hot dogs for the road. You know, hot dogs get a bad rap. They've got a cool shape, they've got protein. You like hot dogs, right?

(Elliot shrugs. NC shrugs as well)

NC: Brought to you by Hot Dogs! Wanna be less conscious about where your meat comes from than Chicken McNuggets? Hot Dogs!

Nursery guy: I think I know what's causing this thing.

Elliot: You do?

Nursery guy: It's the plants.

NC: (Stunned) Wait, what?

Nursery guy: It's the plants. They can release chemicals.

(NC is completely stunned)

NC: Wow. That's...actually the twist of the movie. It's plants. I know it seems like I'm giving some stuff away early here, but the movie is giving some stuff away earlier here, so what do I care?

NC (vo): We're not even one third into the film and you already gave away the big twist!

Nursery guy: (To Alma) You like hot dogs, don't you?

NC: Followed by that! (Now confused as ever) Do you need to go back to Film 101?

NC (vo): I think most people know this. You don't give away the twist before you give...away...the twist! If you'd open Citizen Kane with...

Announcer: It's a sled!

NC: It's kind of a no-brainer!

(Malcolm, Tamara and Jim come back)

Tamara: Critic, as you know, we know what's caused the Shyamalization.

NC: Okay, what?

Jim: The walls.

(The corners of the walls are shown in several shots as loud drums sound)

NC: No, we're not doing that.

Tamara: As you know, it makes a lot of sense. If they use lead paints...

NC: No, even for a parody, we're not doing that.

Malcolm: You know, oranges typically contain 10 segments. Maybe one of them contains Shyamalization.

NC: Fine. Make a connection to that, but we're not doing goddamn walls!

Jim: How are we supposed to make oranges the twist?

NC: I don't know! If the friggin' Giving Tree can be an antagonist in a movie, why can't oranges?! Now get cracking!

(Pause)

Malcolm: You guys like oranges, right?

(And we go to a commercial)

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