(We see Chester sitting in a comfy chair in some room as the tune "We Wish You A Merry Christmas plays.)
Chester:
(speaking calmly) Greetings, my friends, and welcome to a "Bummy Christmas Review." (Cut to title card with "Bummy Christmas Reviews", then back to Chester)
I have a hunger for "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." (Cut to title card of it, and yes, Doug forgot the "How' part. Anyway, back to Chester)
The Grinch is a hairy piece of snot who constantly looks down at the Whos for celebrating their holiday Christmas.
They of course go into great detail about what Christmas means for the Whos...of course, being the birth of Whosus.
The son of Who God.
And how he ascended into Whoven to absolve all our sins.
There are of course different ways to celebrate this holiday, including Whonukkah, who don't believe that Whosus was the Whosiah.
But either way, the Grinch does not believe in Whosus Christ. (pauses) Because he is a Whodist.
And he wants to persecute those who go against his Whodist beliefs by stealing Christmas.
So he dresses up like St. Nick, because apparently the Whos also had a St. Nick, and sneaks on down into the village to steal Christmas.
But in the process of stealing Christmas, he comes across a little Who. Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two.
In this version, the Grinch pats her on the head and gets her a drink and sends her off to bed. Which I thought was very strange. Why would you get someone a drink before they go to bed?
Then I realized Seuss needed something to rhyme with "stuff the tree up" and "cup" was the only word he could think of. You know what, I'm thinking too hard about it.
The Grinch gets all of Christmas in his Wile E. Coyote bags, but notices that the Whos are celebrating Christmas anyway.
They all hold hands and sing around a giant, glowing light in the middle of the city.
Obviously, Christmas was something a whole lot more than the Grinch expected. (pauses) It was a ball of radioactive energy that they all seem to gather around and celebrate at the same time.
I'm not gonna question why they celebrate this glowing orb in the middle of the town. It's their holiday; they can do whatever they want.
I've heard of much stranger religious beliefs.
Even some that judge and persecute others 'cause they can't agree on the best way to love one another.
But enough about every Facebook quote you've ever seen.
The Grinch comes down to the village, returns all their presents, and they celebrate their love and appreciation for all living things by killing and eating a dead animal.
Incidentally, I think that was the Cat in the Hat's cameo.
This is Chester A. Bum saying... Don't go away, Christmas! I wanna stay in this room!